Maybe that's the problem, then...

By Kalio

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma ½ or the RK fic called "Lessons" from which I drew my inspiration, and a few choice lines.

A/n: None to speak of.

"HENTAI!"

The door of Akane's room could be heard slamming across the house. "Sounds like you did something wrong, Ranma." Ranma flinched, then rounded on Nabiki, who was calmly reading a magazine.

"You saw that! I didn't do anything! I didn't even touch her!" Ranma pointed, exasperated, at the stairs which Akane flew up just a few moments before. A small corner of Nabiki's mouth turned up slightly. She licked her finger, turned the page and continued reading, now with a barely distinguishable smirk showing on her face and her eyes glittering.

"Maybe that's the problem, then..."

Ranma's eyes bugged out at Nabiki's sudden opinion-sharing. "Are you CRAZY?! I didn't touch her and she called me a pervert! What's wrong with you? Do you WANT me to get killed?! She'd flay me alive! I'd never touch her!" Ranma's rant at her didn't seem to affect her in the slightest, just made her more amused.

"Oh? That must be the problem, then..." She flipped another page, obviously amused by Ranma's reaction.

A vein popped. "What?! You really are trying to get me killed! I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you! Akane's prolly up there now devising how many ways she can cook me while I'm still breathing! I can't believe I'm actually considering lis-"

Nabiki abruptly interrupted him. "Considering touching her? Oh how sweet! I'm sure she'll be pleased."

"Gah! That's not what I said! I told you! She'd spiffing kill me! Kami-sama! She's probably gonna kill me for the whole conversation! I'm a deadman already!" Ranma, in his panicked state, rambled on nervously, trying to decipher if Akane was listening or not. Nabiki just grinned.

"So what you mean is you really want to you, but she'll kill you if she thinks you have even had the thought cross your mind?"

"Ye-" Ranma stiffened, realizing he had been tricked. "Hey!" Nabiki's crocodile smile widened.

"I don't think you've got anything to worry about, Ranma." She grinned and pulled a tape recorder from her pocket, shutting it off. Ranma groaned seeing it.

"Alright. How much?" He sighed pulling out his already bare wallet, hoping he had enough.

Nabiki smiled evilly. "Sorry, little brother, this one's not for sale."

Ranma facefaulted. "What?! You can't do that to me! If Akane gets that she'll mallet me to Australia!"

Nabiki shook her head. "You still don't get it do you? You want Akane to hear this conversation, I promise you." She looked at him oddly, but with a smirk. " That is, if you ever want Akane to saya (sheath) that katana of yours." Nabiki fought to hold back her laughter.

"Eh? I don't own a katana. You mean Mother's katana?" Ranma was quite confused, understandably.

Nabiki looked him up and down and shook her head. "More like a wakizashi (the smaller sword out of a daisho, a katana being the larger one), if you ask me, but I'd have to ask Akane, I bet she knows." Nabiki giggled as Ranma finally got her joke and turned nine degrees of red.

He crossed his arms and stuck out his tongue. "Katana, thank you!" He thought for a moment. "So how does this help me not get killed?"

Nabiki smiled. "Simple. I've already told you your problem, now I just have to give Akane her tape."

Ranma frowned. "What do I do, then?"

Nabiki's eyes took an wicked glint. "Weren't you listening when I mentioned Akane's saya? Do I need to have a talk with you about sword fighting?" All the blood drained from Ranma's face.

"NABIKI!" Ranma almost shrieked.

"Just kidding! Just kidding! Don't have a heart attack on me! All you need to do is to have a SERIOUS conversion with your dear fiancée. Got it?"

Ranma still pale, just nodded.

"Good. I'll just leave Akane a little tape for a present. I think she might enjoy this part of our little discussion, too, so I'll include it as an afterthought." She pulled out another tape recorder and stopped it. Ranma's jaw dropped to the floor at the mention of having Akane listen to the whole conversation.

"Now I'm really going to get it! I won't live to see tomorrow! From now on, there will be no talking of sheathing ANYTHING in this house, or at least not anywhere near me! I'm so dead." Ranma groaned miserably.

"Ranma, Ranma, Ranma... I thought you knew my little sister better than that! Listen. Why do you suppose Akane called you a pervert?"

"Hell if I know..." he grumped. "I didn't say anything involving sayas or katanas..." he glared at Nabiki, "and I didn't touch her at all! Why in the world would she call me a pervert?!"

Nabiki shook her head for the thousandth time of the day at Ranma. "You really are dense. Think of it this way... Shampoo, Ukyo, and Kuno-baby's sister tackle you all the time, but my dear sister never does. You never hug, kiss, grope her, etc. with very few exceptions. Either on accident, or when you thought she was DEAD. Are you starting to get it yet?"

"No. All I can figure, is that her definition of 'hentai' seems to include anything and everything that I do." Ranma grumped a bit more.

"Oroko na deshi (stupid pupil)! Wake up! She's pissed that you aren't paying attention to her!" Nabiki kept a surprising amount of composure while yelling. Ranma's jaw fell to the floor again. "Don't you get it? She mad that you AREN'T hugging, kissing, or, well not groping, but touching her, fool! It's called reverse psychology, and she uses it every day! So do you, for that matter!" Nabiki smiled again. "Understand, yet? It would make perfect sense if you paid attention."

Ranma looked a little flabbergasted. "Ano... Nabiki... you mean she wants me to..."

Nabiki let Ranma trail off, but answered him quickly. "Among other things. Namely treating her with a little respect and kindness. The most important, though, is ya gotta admit ya like her, or you'll be a real pervert in her eyes."

Ranma gulped. "Lemme get this straight. I gotta tell her I luh-er- like her an' an'..."

Nabiki grinned. "And fill in the blank with whatever she lets you. Hopefully no sayaing," this earned her another glare, but she didn't seem to notice, "but that'll come soon enough! Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go deliver the tape, oh, and I might want this..." Nabiki walked over to the plant in the corner and removed a camcorder. "She'll get a kick out of the look on your face with this!" Nabiki hoped up the stairs towards Akane's room much to Ranma's dismay.

Ranma groaned and then sighed. Maybe Nabiki shouldn't tell him how to fix his problems... it often leads to a sticky situation. Course, then, this was one *sticky* situation he didn't think he'd mind getting himself into. Ranma grinned a hentai grin...

*~Owari~*

A/n: Heh heh.... I know... not exactly my usual waffy fluff, but it had to come out. Hey, I could have turned it into a lemon easily, but the only lemon I've done is for my own chars (if ya wanna check it out, hint hint). If I get some good reviews, I may do another chapter, but if I do, I warn you, there will be some sayaing going on... i.e. it will be a lemon follow up. Anyway, you took the time to read, so take the time to review. No flames, please.

Also, I fixed the typo of katana (I spelled it kitana) thanks to Jeremy Harper's review. Thanks to him!