Beware. If you are reading this then you are an "anime-geek" as so labeled by Newsweek. (Geez, I wonder if Newsweek Japan has the same article) What's happened before, viewed by Tendo Nabiki. Ok, life at home is insane as usual, but what happened three months ago is almost too crazy to believe. So, this jerk, Pansuto Tarou comes back for Happosai, he's got the doubling water from Jusenkyo again, except this time he's found out that it makes a double opposite in nature to someone. Of course Ranma gets some on himself and he splits into a girl and a guy, neither of them able to change sex. Father decides to call the girl-Ranma, Ranko. The next day, both of them change. Ranma looks handsome for once and Ranko looks insanely beautiful, I of course know that this is an awesome opportunity for money. I could make a fortune off of Kuno alone!! Anyway, they go to school and everybody goes ga-ga for one or the other. Little sister gets jealous but in the end, Ranma and her finally do the deed, or at least father believes so. Ukyou and Ranko hook up, which is not so strange, and I make some cash on the side. Then Herb comes back and decides that he wants to marry Ranko and gives her this huge box filled with jewels and gold!! Hm-hm. That's a pearl necklace, jade bracelets, hundred pounds of gold...OH! So, anyway, Ranko, crazy girl, decides that being a princess isn't her cup of tea, and beats Herb up. However, Herb decides that being a prince gives him special allowances and kidnaps Ranko after Akane knocks her out (you know, one of those times). Everybody gets riled up and chases after. Somewhere along the line, Kasumi decided to tell Nodoka the truth, which is good because it made me some more cash in the end. Big fight occurs as usual and Nodoka tells Herb that as her right as a mother, Herb can't have Ranko as a wife. Everybody is happy and comes home. Next thing we know, Herb's servants come over and give us another huge box filled with treasure!! And Ranko gets some bodyguard from Herb, who won't let her out of his sight. Of course Ranko knocks him out and decides to leave for three months. Then Ranma decides to leave too, leaving my poor sister behind. That jerk!! RANMAAA!! You still owe me five thousand yen!! Prologue Those not accustomed to the palace of the Musk Dynasty would need a couple of days to get accustomed to the amount of light that reflects through the palace. The Musk Dynasty is not as large in population as it used to be and for the past 200 years, it had been customary for all citizens to visit the palace at least once a year. The rare few outsiders who have been to the lands of the Musk Dynasty and have experienced the blaring glittering lights believe the Musk people must be insane because of it. Some of these travelers think perhaps that's why the Musk dynasty had managed to stay incredibly ignorant of the world, they're all cuckoo. But the royalty were born in the palace and thus from birth, are use to the loud light flying and back and forth throughout the palace. So, what could be the other reason? The Musk people follow their divine leaders fanatically despite the fact that their royal leaders are all horribly inbred. The Musk people in general are pretty inbred making their royalty perhaps the dumbest the world has ever seen. In fact, the author of this lame fan-fic believes that two hundred years ago, a certain king or prince realized how dumb all his people were so closed them off to the rest of the world in shame. Anyway, back to royalty. The Musk have a story that they tell each other once in a while. A strange tale full of courage, magic and sadness that an old man would say over the Full Moon Celebration or a father tells his son before putting him to sleep. In fact, it's the only tale the Musk people have and are constantly telling it to each other, even though they all know it. It is the story of Old King Leer who had a son with his daughter. He was very proud to have a son but was a little disappointed that the boy had two heads, one of which was on backwards. Two Head Leer Jr was always tripping and walking into walls and arguing with himself, but Leer Jr had the strong blood of the Musk Royalty and overcame his handicap and became a fierce warrior since he was always watching his back. The day after his daughter gave birth to his stillborn son, one of his heads decided to commit suicide and stabbed himself in the back. The Musk love this story and believes it to be a tribute to their great divine leaders. If their current king is a great fighter, the Musk people say, "Just like great King Leer Jr." They also say this if he was knowledged in the ways of magic. Also if he was very wise. Also if he was highly emotional and decides to off himself, the Musk people will comment, "Just like great King Leer Jr." Some Musk people believe that even Leer Jr.'s stillborn son would have made a great King if it hadn't just been thrown away. Fortunately, or should we say unfortunately (actually, this doesn't really concern us at all. I mean, what I'm about to tell really has no consequence at all, does it?) the Musk people still follow every word of their divine leaders. But back to the palace. As we have said, it glitters. It glitters a lot. A real smashing amount. Unbelievably. It's worse than when your mom pulls up the shade and the morning light hits your eyes after a great party that lasted into the late night with plenty of booze and girls. I cannot emphasize the amount of light that would strike your eyes at the Musk palace. That's why Herb's servants ran in fear at the sight of the stranger that strode calmly through the front. It wasn't his strange red eyes, or the thick chain with a large spike at the end of it, or his strange clothes, or his black aura all evil baddies seem to have around his body. It was because he didn't even blink when the servant opened the front door and a large blast of Musk palace light that had been bouncing back and forth within for a century, blast its way out into his face. The servant made an "eep" sound and scurried down within the palace, screaming in fear. Herb's servants babbled in panic and he managed to piece together what had happened. The stranger was apparently headed his way. The stranger strode into his throne room, his black aura swallowing the palace light. Herb's little slanted eyes did their best to widen in surprise but all he could manage was his eyebrows raising as he yelled, "You!" "Morning Herb. Not happy to see your cousin?" Split Personalities Chapter 9 brought to you by Jack + Jill Productions. Eee-Yan wiped his blade down once more, looked at it, and then put it back in it's scabbard satisfied. It's been three months since Ranko had knocked him out and went traveling, avoiding the forced protection that Herb had demanded him to give Ranko 24/7. He had decided that accepting the Tendo's invitation and waiting there instead of returning back to the Musk with such bad news would be wise. Ranko, traveling the world with only a backpack and another female companion and nothing else...yes, Ee-Yan had made the right choice indeed. He'd rather deal with all the strange stupid boys that keep coming by and wanting to challenge him then watch Herb's eyes glow golden with anger. He sighed. She did say that it would be a short trip. "Back in three months," she had said just before he felt something like a frying pan connect with the back of his head. His ears pricked up at the sound of a fish leaping out of the Tendo pond. There was a visitor. "Why, hello!!" He could hear Kasumi say, "It's been a long time!" "Ranko!!" Ee-Yan ran down the hall and around the corner and immediately hugged the travel tired Ryouga. "Oh, Thank the Gods that you're safe!!" Something smacked him to the floor. "What are you thinking!?" Ryouga stepped on his head. Ee-Yan calmly knocked his hand away. "Sorry, thought you might have been Saotome Ranko." "She isn't back yet!!" Ryouga's red eyes swelled with water. "I've been searching ever since she left!! "Three months," Ee-Yan whispered thinking of Lili who still served Herb back at the palace. "What kind of greeting was that?" Ryouga's eyes thinned. "A little too friendly..." "Listen, Boy, I don't want any trouble," three months ago, this boy wasn't even worth considering fighting. Three months of harsh traveling must have improved his skills. As always, there was an aura of sadness surrounding him but this time it was contradicted by an even greater calmness of strength. A fight would ruin the Tendo house (for at least the hundredth time, but hey, he was a guest). "Ranko means nothing to me." "What do you mean she means nothing!" Ryouga's calmness melted away revealing a hopelessly love lorn boy. "No, no. She's special, but not to me." "Yes," Kasumi interrupted, "very special. Ryouga, did you know that Ee-Yan protected Ranko every night when she slept before she left." "Protector...night!!" "Damn," Ee sighed. "Hello!" Akane walked in. "Oh! Ryouga!!" Ryouga's calmness returned and he eagerly greeted her. "Akane! It's been so long!" "Ryouga, you've gotten taller!" "Really!? Thanks!! How is your father?" "Playing Go as usual." Ee sighed in relief. "What perfect timing," Akane pulled out some envelopes. "Guess who sent these!" Ryouga's eyes welled with tears. Nabiki walked down the stairs toward the bathroom. She saw the ever spastic Ryouga greet her sister in a friendly fashion. No longer blushing and fiddling with his fingers. "Like friends," she said to herself. Now she no longer had to worry about Akane finding out who really her pet pig was, since now Ryouga would be bothering Ranko all the time now, if she gets back. She was about to open the inside door when she noticed a pile of incredibly dirty clothing on the laundry basket. "It can only be one person," she said and then kicked the door open and yelled, "Ranma!! Where's the 5000 yen you owed me three months ago!!" "Akane," Ryouga's hands shook, "I can't open the envelope. Please, can you open it for me." "Um...okay." Akane opened the envelope, took the letter out and handed it to Ryouga. Ryouga's hands shook even more as he tried to read the letter. "Akane..." "Yes?" "Um...can you read the letter for me?" Akane looked at Ryouga then said, "Sure," and took the letter back and began to read. "Dear Ryouga," "AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!" Ryouga grabbed the letter out of Akane's hands and rushed out of the room. Akane stared after for a couple of seconds, shook her head then opened hers. Ranko's letter was short and descriptive. It seems that she had been living up in the mountains with Ukyou for the past three months. At the end of the letter was a sentence that caught her eye. "At the moment, I have no idea where he is but still, you should forgive him," Akane read to herself. "Letters from the Pig-tailed Goddess!!" Kuno grabbed a bunch of envelopes. "Where's mine!?" "Get the hell out of here!!" Akane put a large painting over the new hole in the Tendo wall. "Forgive him? Why should I do that!!" "Akane?" She heard it and was too scared to turn around. SHe shook in excitement. It had been three long months. The sun peeked out from behind the clouds and sent rays of sunshine through the windows. A gentle breeze moved her hair and skirt even though she was inside. She took a deep breathe and turned around. "Akane," Ranma grinned. He had grown taller again and every slight move, when he blinked or brushed his hair back with his hand, was perfect. "Ranma," Akane looked up at him, her eyes large and round, a tear rolled down her cheek. "You...you...You BASTARD!!" Akane's fist slammed into his cheek. She picked up the desk and began to accent every other word with a smash to his head. "You don't even say goodbye, no address, no letters, not even a lousy phonecall. You waltz in here like it was any other day without even telling us ahead of time. Father's been in constant tears for weeks, Mr. Saotome has lost weight, and I...I..." Akane dropped the desk. "Oh, Ranma!! She grabbed him and shoved her face into his chest. "I missed you!! Ranma? RANMA!!" Ryouga was halfway through the letter and tears of happiness rolled down his cheeks. She misses him. She said so. He read on, about her travels, her training...it was almost as if he could hear her telling him now. "Eh?" A sweat and a tear rolled down his cheek as he turned around. "What's up, Buddy!!" Ranko smacked him on top of his head. "Ranko!!" "I heard that you will hold a Janek Maneki Tournament. It's been 400 years since the last disastor." "Hei-Long...Leave now. I'm warning you. Do not upset me. Father banished you for a reason." "What's wrong, Herb. Somebody go and die on you? Somebody...important?" Hei smirked. Herb gripped his chair. Hei's chains clanked together as he laughed. "Yes, I heard. Poor Cai has left us, but you didn't grieve for long did you? A woman who perhaps knows how to please men the most has stolen your heart. Closest thing to a man without being one that you could marry and the Musk Dynasty would accept." Herb leapt out of his throne. "You tell me what you want, NOW!" "To be accepted back at Musk and only you can give that to me, Herb, Master of Chi and Ruler of Janek Maneki." Hei's black aura thinned down as his chain dropped to the floor. "I'm tired, cousin. I want to come back home." Panda's appetite returned as did his son and daughter. Ranko sat between her mother and Ukyou rarely leaving their sides, Ryouga opposite her on the table. Ranma's face was mangled as usual with a smiling Akane doing her best to feed him through the bandages. Ee-Yan sat behind Ranko fretting with his knife, refusing to eat. Life was getting as close to normal at the Tendo's as it gets. "Urggh! Damndamndamn!!" The young man took a couple of whacks on the machine. The small boy at his side smiled evilly. "Go ahead, waste some more yens." The crowd that had gathered around to watch the small boy play laughed. The young man's face turned bright red as he shoved his way past the crowd and went outside. "Damn!! Life's gotten so boring!!" "Yusuke!!" The young man turned around to face whoever called him. "Kurama, what's up?" "Ever been to China?" "The boy's unstable. I don't want you around him." Ee-Yan stood at the door. Ranko held a cold towel against a large bruise on Ryouga's left temple. He was unconscious. "That maybe true, but you didn't have to knock him out, and since when did you become my father?" "I had to knock him out!! The boy ruined dessert trying to attack me! Don't blame me, I didn't throw the table aside to attack him!!" Ranko giggled remembering Ryouga, red faced, foot stuck in a watermelon, with Ee laughing at him. Ryouga had attacked but the watermelon made him trip and Ee had quickly brought his sword handle down on Ryouga's head. "Oh, well," Ranko got up, "off to bed." The two left the room. "My Goddess has returned," Kuno was wrecking his room. "A suitable gift must be found. Ah-hah!" "What's that!" Ryouga jetted out of bed then immediately held his head in pain. The noise had come down the hall where Ranko was staying. "I knew he couldn't be trusted!" Ryouga ran down the hallway and into Ranko's room. Ee-Yan and Kuno had their swords crossed over a sleeping Ranko with Ukyou holding two large sharp daggers towards Kuno from behind. "Kuno!!" "Ryouga!!" "Ee-Yan!!" "Ukyou!!" All four collided barely missing Ranko. The brawling pack crashed out into the hallway leaving a hurt and groaning Kuno on the floor. A couple of seconds later, he got up. "Only when a badger is cornered will he fight. Otherwise, like a coward he runs away. I Kuno Tatewaki win again. Hahahahahahahahaha!" He pulled a box out from his shirt. "This my dear Goddess, I give to you. The Phoenix Egg!!" He placed it on her belly. "A kiss and I bid you farewell." He bent down, his lips pursed then flew through the door, Ee's body smashed against him. "How'd you like that," yelled Ryouga running back into the room. Ranko hugged the egg between her breasts and turned over in her sleep. Ukyou noogied Ryouga from behind. He turned around and yelled, "what you do that for!?" "Stop attacking Ee-Yan you jealous pig!! Besides, if he wanted to, you'd be dead already." Ee crawled back through the hole in the wall. "Boy, I'm getting tired of you." "Yeah, so you think you can beat me." Ryouga stepped forward. Ukyou tripped him, Ryouga fell forward, his head cracking against Ranko's. "Oh NO!!" Ryouga jumped up and began to run around the room aimlessly. "I hurt my beloved!!" Ukyou looked down at Ranko, who blinked her eyes and slowly stood up. "Wha...what?" She looked down, the egg had rolled down to her lap in the cushions. "Phoenix Egg!!" "Phoenix Egg? So that's what Kuno wanted to give you." "Kuno? Ryouga!!" "Yes?" Ryouga immediately stopped running around. "What are u doing?" "um..." "Acting like a foolish boy," said Ee. "What!!" Ryouga held up his fists. "Oh, stop it!!" Ranko picked up the egg. "It's a good thing he didn't put this on my head." Ukyou crawled to her side. "So what do we do with it?" "Don't know...eh?" Ranko looked down at the egg. It shivered. "Oh-oh." CRACK!! "Ahhhh!" Ryouga took a step back as a bright shaft of light hit his eyes from a crack in the egg. CRACK!CRACK!CRACK!CRACK!CRACK! "Waah!!" Ranko covered her eyes as the egg exploded in a blast of light on her lap. For a few seconds, everyone needed their eyes to recover from the light then they heard a small chirp. Ranko looked down at her lap. A small golden bird, that looked like a cross between a peacock and a falcon, sat in her lap. It seemed different than the one that used to be on Kuno's head, for one thing it didn't look as stupid. It had bright golden feathers with a long tail and a short beak. Ranko stared down at it for a couple of seconds then grabbed it to her chest and exclaimed, "How CUTE!!" The floor shook as Ryouga, Ukyou and Ee-Yan fell to the floor. "China!?" "There's a similar tournament being held there." "You think it's worth it?" Yusuke took a drink from his cup. "Maybe." "Is Hiei coming too? Where is he anyway?" "Sleeping somewhere probably. Don't know where he is. OK, tournament. Same setup, prize is the same thing." "A wish? How's the competition?" "Could be tough." "Think so?" "World's a big place. Tournament will be held in some strange part of China. Apparently they haven't kept up with the times." "You mean third world like?" "No. Like Ancient China." "Huh?" "Let me fight for you!" "Why!? You wanted to be banished. You wanted the Musk Dynasty to change as you had." "Look at me!! Do I look normal to you!! I was wrong!! This thing..." Hei points around him, "is a constant reminder of it." "Why should I let you fight for me? Why should I even call off the banishment?" "Most people won't recognize me, but word will spread. The Black Dragon is not remembered favorably. If I fight with your team..." "I see, but I don't need you." "Don't need me!?" The black aura around Hei's body swirled and spread. "I know your reasons, Herb! I also know you've lost to Saotome every time. Of us two, who do you think is stronger!!" The light in the entire room went dark. Herb stood and the room gained half its light back. "Don't underestimate me, Hei! Do you think I've let myself go soft all these years? The tournament will be won by the Musk Dynasty as it was made to be. I do not need you." "You've forgotten!! Haven't you!!" The room went pitch black. "Twelve years ago!! You owe me!! YOU OWE ME!!" Herb found himself staring into two slits of reds that were Hei's eyes. "Your father...the idiot, almost destroyed this palace, and you blame me for it!! How dare you!! I accepted his banishment. You wanted to placate him, turn his decision around to pay me back for what I did so many years ago. I declined telling you that you would help me later. I left. I could've destroyed your father then, and I can destroy you now!" Herb was no longer listening. He was a boy of 12 again following his older cousin, copying his every move, despite the warnings of his best friend, Cai. "I remember..." whispered Herb as the light returned to the palace. Hei's hair began to uncurl and grow. "So, what's your answer?" Blah, blah and more blah: It had already been about two months since I posted Split Personalities chapter 7 and had written chapter 8. Building the story up to a climax was hard and finding something suitable for the actual climax was nearly impossible. Chapter 8 just didn't come out right. So, the second semester ends and I leave for my China trip, leaving, I estimate, twenty to thirty readers (thank you all, by the way) with no ending to that particular story arc. Well, the first month in China was cool, but I had begun to feel like writing again. Being frustrated with chapter 8, I skipped it, made up an ending, and started chapter 9. Returning home, I reread the entire Splits again and found that chapter eight was not so bad. So, here we go again with a mass amount of bad writing. Those who like the lemon in the stories, I'm sorry but I don't see any reason in the future to put any in. Splits started because I wanted a fan-fic of Ranma 1/2 that had lemon in it, but without random pointless sex scenes. This, I feel, degraded since I made my point (I think) somewhere around chapter four. It got to the point where I was putting in lemon just for lemon's sake (does that make sense?) especially with chapter seven. I remember thinking that I hadn't put any lemon yet in that chapter so I searched for an excuse, found one, and wrote a pretty lame ass ending to that chapter. Well, I'm babbling. Actually, maybe a small sweet scene here and there, but nothing long and descriptive. Just something that goes along with the story and does something with it. I hope. (By the way, I see nothing wrong with random pointless sex scenes, but it's more of a challenge this way) So, I hope you keep reading and my writing does you justice. If it doesn't, E-mail me, for Christ's sake. Makes me feel important. Oh, hell, broda! Ya sho kno haw to mek a guy feel spicial!!