RanPorn10 Porn World! By Jim Robert Bader (Inspired by the works of Rumiko Takahashi and so many others who do not deserve the blame for putting me up to this series...) The Tenth Encore. "Hell Hath No Fury..." ("World Without Men...") WARNING---LEMON MERANGE FANFICTION AHEAD! CONTAINS SCENES OF AN ADULT AND HIGHLY SUGGESTIVE NATURE THAT MIGHT NOT BE TO EVERYONE'S PALET. THIS IS A FANTASY WORLD IN WHICH 99.9% OF THE MEN HAVE BEEN KILLED OFF DUE TO AN ERRANT WISH BY HAPPOSAI, AND FIFTEEN YEARS LATER THE WORLD IS STILL COPING WITH THE RESULTS OF HIS FOOLISH ACTIONS, INCLUDING THE WORLDS OF THE KAMI AND DEMONS, WHO HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE COLLATERAL EFFECTS BROUGHT ABOUT BY A VIRUS THAT KILLS THE POSSESSORS OF A "Y' GENE WHILE BESTOWING UPON WOMEN PERFECT HEALTH AND BEAUTY WITH SEXUAL APPETITES THAT WOULD SHOCK A WARREN FULL OF RABBITS... Many post-Millennial writers termed the outbreak of the Virus upon the world of mortals to be a truly "Hellish" event that could only have been spawned in the blackest pits of the abyss...and yet for those to whom the term "Hell" described a home---rather than an abstract concept---the results of the plague were anything but worth chortling about. In plainest truth, to them the Virus could only have been inflicted upon them by a vindictive Heaven run by black-hearted sadists intent on punishing the wicked to excess in a manner that would make what happened to Sodom and Gamora seem like a mild rain shower. To the being known to many simply as Hild (supreme Mistress of the Ninety-Nine Hells of Taoist legend---which is not to be confused with the One Hell of Christian mythology) the very existence of the Virus was proof beyond recall that the ultimate God Of All Hosts truly hated her beyond measure, for what happened when nearly 2.8 billion men died over the course of five years had frightening implications for those who had to process the sudden flood of so many discorporate souls into the ethosphere, at least a third of which were designated for her realms. After all, in an average year her people would have to handle no worse than maybe one or two hundred thousand dead guys of a given demographic, Asians of both genders who---by territorial fiat---belonged to her when no one gave the deceased proper funeral rites, and with so many sons perishing alongside their fathers the ancient cultural belief that had sustained many ancient societies completely unraveled, leaving her to pick up the pieces as her people had to cope with an increased workload at least TWENTY-EIGHT HUNDRED PERCENT OF CAPACITY! To call the results of this chaotic would have been to put it mildly, but given that her people now had to warehouse all of those dead guys while attending to their normal routine functions... A light flashed on her desk console and Hild winced in anticipation before reflexively hitting the button and saying, "Yes Akasha?" "My Lady," her exasperated secretary began in a voice long past exhaustion, "The boiler rooms are out again. Those men have taken up nearly all of the hot water and are flushing steam through the pipes to keep their sauna and Jacuzzis flowing." Hild closed her eyes and counted backwards in Summerian before rubbing the bridge of her nose and saying, "Designate a team to open up a vent in Lava Pit Twenty. Anything else?" She knew before asking that it was a mistake to open the flood channels in such an open and inviting manner, nor did Akasha hesitate to spill her guts by saying, "There are food fights all over the lower caverns, our staff is having to labor like bloody demons to keep up with all the demands those fools keep making, we're suffering shortages of resources all across the board and there is a riot in section Fifty Seven of Level Twenty-Two that's been going on for about three days now. Oh, and Agent Mara called, she's asking for the ten-thousandth time to be given field assignment away from all this madness." The sigh Hild heaved would have been a sight for anyone present to behold, for her proud chest seemed to deflate more than slightly as she said the words, "Send Mara to me as soon as..." "I'm here all ready, dammit!" the demoness in question materialized in the space before Hild's expansive desk before the Queen of Hell had a chance to finish her statement, "You've only had me on hold for the past nine-and-a-half months. I mean, I know this place is Hell, but do you have any idea what it's like to listen to that much elevator music?" Hild was not a being much accustomed to apologizing for anything, but under the stress of present circumstances she was compelled to say, "Sorry...it's been a bit hectic around here lately..." "No fooling!" Mara snorted, "No offence to you, my Lady, but this place has seen much better days, in fact it wasn't this bad during the Black Plague! I've been running around carrying out errands for one department or another like some damned gofer at an Anime convention! Do you have any idea what a thing like that could do to my job references?" "Never mind," Hild replied, waving the point aside and getting to the heart of the matter, "You were asking for another field assignment?" "Yeah," Mara snorted, "Anywhere away from here! I've only been back ten years and I'm starting to get homesick for the old days in Beirut and Yugoslavia. Those assignments were pretty gnarly, what with having to duck bullets and explosives all the time, let alone stroll through the nearest mine fields, but at least they were starting to become relatively peaceful when the men waging all that war died off by the bushel." "You would not recognize those places these days," Hild replied, "With the death of all men the principle reasons for those conflicts became far less important to the surviving women than struggling for survival and shoring up the crumbling infrastructures of their societies, to say nothing of the liberal amounts of free-flowing sex that has tended to distract people away from thoughts of casual violence. In fact, as I understand it, the Irish are celebrating Independence Day in Belfast, they just held a Lilith concert in Jerusalem, a lady of mixed Croatian and Serbian descent is the current president of the Yugoslavic Republic and a Muslim of Turkish ancestry is in charge of the Chechnian Confederation." "The place has really gone downhill since I left it, huh?" Mara sounded more than slightly depressed at the news, "And here I thought the phrase 'Make Love, not War' was tooth grating enough when we had to endure the '60s." "Only to be expected, what with the Virus and all," Hild sighed once again, not noticing the way in which this brought a rise of interest from a wavering Mara, "Truly that plague was the worst thing to hit the planet since Noah, and who knew it would cross racial types and find its way down here, killing off all of our male demons and leaving us with only half the staff we need to process the souls of the human men who have come through here?" "You're telling me it's bloody awful?" Mara sounded incredulous, "At least you get to sit up here in the safety and comfort of an office, but for the rest of us having to deal with things in the trenches..." "I know," Hild replied, indicating a very large stack of documents that were threatening to crush her desk under their accumulate weight, "I get daily reports on this all of the time...my staff insists on dumping as much of it on me as they think they can get away with. I've had to torture the silly lot to get them to cut down on listing every trivial detail and still I get reports on everything that goes wrong around here...and I do mean everything, right down to the accumulated pile of toenail clippings that have been piling up in shaft number One-Sixty-Seven." "You're lucky that it's only been reports!" Mara flared, "Try having to wade through the lines of guys taking their turns at the urinals, skirting past their piles of dirty, unwashed laundry and used dishes...and do you know what that many men crowded together in one space can smell like? Dark Goddess, how I miss the smell of Sulfur!" "The ventilation's been down since some clowns set that fire in what they mistook to be a large field of cannabis," Hild remarked, "I was at some pains trying to explain to them that it was the Deadly Forest where the souls of the wicked are supposed to be torn apart by tentacle vines and women-ravishing tree branches." "Both of which are now on the endangered species list," Mara's nostrils flared, "And that's the problem...these guys have no respect for anything, especially conventions! And never mind the bozos who go wandering around aimlessly in their underwear through the halls because they won't ask for stupid directions! And I've had my fill of watching beer-bellies go at it in cock-fights where their idea of a martial art is how many beer cans they can smash against their foreheads...!" "I know that it has been rough on you all..." Hild began to once again apologize (annoyed at finding herself falling into that habit), but Mara was only just starting to vent. "Then there are the eating and barfing contests, the endless head-butting and arguments over sports figures and statistics, the mind-numbing drone about how 'We're Men and We Don't Talk About Stuff Like This' right before they spill their guts over every little thing in their misspent lives, things about their childhood that even their own mothers wouldn't bring up in conversation?" "They are Men," Hild shrugged tiredly, "What else can you expect?" "It's bad enough that they are men!" Mara fumed, waving her hands in total exasperation, "But couldn't we at least have gotten some interesting Men around here? You know, the intellectuals, the poets and philosophers, guys with stuff between their lobes who could at least carry on in an intelligent manner rather than beat their chests and drone on about this or that 'Get Rich Quick' tax scheme? But NOOO...we had to get the Lobbyists and LAWYERS! The guys who spent years convincing people that there was no such thing as Global Warming, and that poor people only get what they deserve, and how GOD loves humanity so much that he just wants to get rid of all the gay people? Oh, and for a small donation you can read all about it in my latest book on how I cheated the system..." "Heard quite a lot of that, have you?" Hild remarked, "A pity too...those used to be some of our more respectable clients." "Hell, I'd even settle for a few gay men around here," Mara continued to lament, "Guys with a decent fashion sense, but NOOOO...they suffered so much persecution back in their old lives that the majority got an automatic Karmic dispensation and were kicked upstairs to a Queer Man's version of Valhalla, where the partying never stops and nobody ever has to use a condom!" "Wonder if I could get transferred up there?" Hild airily remarked, only to sigh and said, "But wait...I allegedly run this place, so I guess I'm stuck here for...oh...all Eternity, or something like that..." "I mean...at first it was kinda fun having to deal with the Outlaw types and megalomaniacs who wound up here at the head of the onslaught," Mara continued, "But then the tide came in and we got flooded with the refuse that Heaven wouldn't take and that we're now afraid are about to take over! And now we're overrun with pathological clowns who always leave the toilet seats up, guys who couldn't get a date to save their lives (and some of them got here late for probably that exactly same reason) and who seem to think that the world revolves around their needs, and after the endless whining and a constant demand of 'Get me more beer, Bitch,' I'm about ready to swear off men forever!" "No wonder you want to go back Upstairs," Hild remarked, "If you went back to Earth you'd never face that problem." "And the rest of the insane, mind-bobbling stuff they do that drives the rest of us demons so crazy!" Mara fumed with her hands waving in the air as though to beseech the mercy of the Powers Above, "You have any idea how often I've caught these bozos trying to pull stuff that even we'd never think of making them do, only when you ask them why they're doing it they come back at you with, 'It's a guy thing, you wouldn't understand it.'" "And to think," Hild mused, "I used to enjoy watching Jackass, but now it's too much reality for even the Fiends down below to have to sit through..." "At least at first we could keep some sort of a lid on the problem," Mara went on without relent, "Back when we were in charge and the guys who came through here could be cowed by a bit of special effects and a few bull whips, but then some Buddhist clown has to come along and let them in on the big secret, that they're already dead and can't be hurt by us anymore. Well, not actually, though we could inflict the illusion of pain, but their Akashic bodies would instantly recover..." "You can't destroy a soul in Hell," Hild observed, "You can drain it of energy and leave it a withered husk, but the core of the soul, the Monad, is eternal and subject only to the mind and will of the individual." "Yeah," Mara snorted, "And the stronger the will the greater control you have over your personal integrity, so if you exert your mind to influencing your environment here in the Afterlife, where reality is fluid and subject to the will of the host, limited only by the powers of your imagination..." "And if enough men were to pool together their ideas of what the afterlife ought to be like," Hild concluded, "Then the results could be an endless Roman Toga Party." "And since there's about hundred of them for every one of us, we wind up on the short end of the stick!" Mara all but screamed, "These guys now seem to think that we demonesses exist just to please their perverted imaginations, so we wind up having to dance to their tunes and run their errands! I mean, I thought the idea was for us to torture THEM, not the other way around down here!" "You think I am not aware of that?" Hild asked, "Why else do you think that I shut myself away in this office?" "Look," Mara said in a rare attempt at recovering her frayed patience, "I don't mean to speak out of line or exceed my place, but can't you do anything about all these men stinking up the place? Send them somewhere else, or reincarnate them, or even restore them to life...?" "No," Hild said reluctantly, "As tempting as it is, I am afraid that we are stuck with them for the duration. Due to the low birth rate back on earth it would take decades to reincarnate a billion souls into mortal bodies, and as for resurrecting them in their original bodies...well, unless you have a few Dragonballs handy, that would take a major expenditure of energies, and even if they could be restored to life the Virus would just kill them again...and before you ask, we've already tried to get rid of the Virus." "And?" Mara asked. "No more luck for us than they've had back in Heaven, where this problem all started," Hild replied, "Though they might deny it to our faces and accuse us of being the one who created this thing, I have it on good authority that the source of the Virus itself came from the living flesh of an Angel." "No..." Mara was horrified, "You mean...one of the fallen?" "We should be so lucky," Hild replied, "No, this was one of the Neflim, those who remain long past the Flood, hiding in the world above, disguised as monstrous beings under the very noses of the mortals, yet drawing upon the power of Yggdrasil, the same as the rest of us, which is why we can't get rid of the damned Virus since the basic operating code is imbedded in its genetic structure." "Wonderful," Mara rolled her eyes, "You mean even a wish won't get rid of the damned thing?" "We can't even modify its programming code because we haven't been able to unlock the keys that hold it all together," Hild sighed, "So until the original wish that created it runs its course we haven't a prayer in Hades of restoring men to the gene pool." "Speaking of which, what about the other Hell realms?" Mara asked, "I mean...we have some of the best criminal minds and psychotic geniuses locked away in our domain, what about the Europeans and the other Underworld realms...?" "I've tried conferring with them," Hild explained, "We've even linked databases and established regular chat lines, but they've been ravished by the same effects that has decimated our realm. Persephone and Hel are working together, along with Euridice and Hecate, but without their masculine counterparts to unlock the full resources squirreled away the furthest recesses of their dark dimensions..." "I see what you mean, my Lady," Mara winced, "And if the men under their care are behaving anything like ours then it'll be a wonder that anything gets done at all. If only the Virus worked on souls and not just bodies, but you can't kill them twice, and even with the pleasure-enhancing effect the Virus bestows even on us demons..." "Well," Hild asked, "Isn't that enough to help you get by? After all, you have unlimited stamina and the same basic urges of any female creature..." "Yes," Mara replied, "But even the Succubae are starting to complain about having to put out all the time, and they live on sexual energy! And these guys are really, really horny, having no female dead playmates around, and so many more of them than of us...it's all we can do to keep them from gang-banging the whole lot of us! In fact we've had to resort to creating shadow-women for playmates just to distract them away from us demons!" "But can't the men figure out that those shadow-women are not for real?" Hild remarked in wonder. "Hey, they're men," Mara pointed out, "They'll screw anything with a socket, and I do mean anything, and never ask too many inconvenient questions. Half of them are perfectly happy having a woman with nothing upstairs besides what it takes to keep 'em satisfied sexually, and the other half...well, they tend to be the interesting ones who can at least hold a gal's interest." "But you're tired of being one of the ones who have to put out whenever they want you," Hild observed, "Which is why you've been requesting a field assignment?" "Look, you could transfer me to the Dung Heaping department and it would be a considerable improvement over being a Rec Technician, the post I'm currently holding...and that just because I was dumb enough to accept the transfer in the first place!" Mara fumed, "I've got centuries of field experience dealing with mortals, and I've got proven people skills dealing with our Relief Offices as a Sales Recruitment Technician..." Hild held up a hand and said, "You don't have to sell your qualifications with me...in fact..." a slow and sinister smile crossed the lips of the Hellish sovereign, "I think I have just the position for you...one that not only will get you away from here but will suit your own peculiar...talents." As overjoyed with the news of the acceptance of her proposal as she was, Mara was sufficiently alarmed by her Queen's ominous smile to ask, "Where do you mean to send me? Thule, Greenland?" "No," Hild replied, "I'm not having you sell refrigerators to any Laplanders this time. Rather I need someone to interface, on a one-to-one basis, with representatives of the Other Side in an attempt to coordinate our mutual efforts at confining the collateral effects of the Virus." "A delegation from Heaven?" Mara blinked, only to pale as she added, "You don't mean...?" Hild produced a card and tossed it to Mara, who reflexively caught the thing out of the air then stared in dismay at the lettering printed there. "Your bonafides as my personal emissary to a certain renovated Shinto temple located on the outskirts of the Tokyo region," Hild explained, "You already know who your contacts will be, in fact...I do believe you already have a long-term association with my daughter..." "Urd," Mara whispered, then grit her teeth, "You mean...I'm going to have to deal directly...ON A CIVIL BASIS...with the likes of...Belldandy?" "You don't have to accept, of course," Hild replied, "I would hardly want you to do this unwillingly...though the alternative will be to shovel the refuse that the men are leaving down here, including their unwashed socks and..." "You play to keep, my Lady," Mara grimaced, "What else can I do...but accept your generous offer?" "Consider yourself fortunate to get away from here for now," Hild nodded in acceptance, "At least you won't have to deal with the likes of the very worst of our current house pests, such as the one who started it all, Happ-AAAAARRRRGH!!!" "YOOOWWZZZAAA!!" cried the little man, who just then made his presence known nuzzling his face between the breasts of the astonished Hell Queen. Mara jumped back in alarm as flames erupted from the Queen of Hell's body, Hild shooting to her feet with a look of livid outrage, turning a snarl towards the one who had just given her a good fondle. "YOOUU?!?!?!" she snarled, "But...how did you get out from beneath that boulder?!?" "Oh pshaw, I'm hurt, Cutie," Happosai said as he landed on her desk, "Did you really think burying me under a mountain cuffed with chains was going to keep me down for long? That might work with Prometheus, but I'm a lot more tricky." Hild tried to incinerate the little man but got the pile of reports by "mistake" while Happosai launched himself at an unprepared Mara, who yelped with dismay as she was felt up with the speed of an Amaguriken before the little man bounced free and merrily skipped his way out of the chamber. "I swear if he were not already dead I'd find the most painful way to kill that little pest and do it to him a hundred times over!" Hild snarled as she fought to regain control over her temper, "It's all his fault that this happened, and if not for his perversity shaping the world to his corrupt standards..." "Can't we at least rid ourselves of HIM?" Mara sputtered as she reflexively covered her own chest with both hands. "No, damned the luck, or you can believe I'd have already done it!" Hild snarled, "But according to system protocols he has to remain here to atone for his crimes, which---being that he killed off half the human population of an entire planet---will be slightly less than all Eternity, give or take a few eons for good or bad behavior." "Oh great," Mara winced, "And with him terrorizing the place this really will be Hell, and with half the demons around here already to go on strike at any moment..." "Believe me," Hild averred, fire flashing in her eyes as she glanced in the direction of Happosai's exit, "If I have to endure another five minutes with him I'll be ready to lead the mutiny myself..." "Then why not change the protocols and alter his designation so that you can send him somewhere else, Auntie." "YOU?" Mara said melodramatically as she turned in dismay to see the one who had spoken. The tall and statuesque beauty closely resembled the dusky-skinned and silver-haired Hild in much the same way as two close kin would bear a strikingly similar profile, but the newcomer's skin radiated a golden sheen that gave her a faint glow like a halo. Of a certainty she had a curvaceous and robust sensuality about her that instantly raised libidos and turned previously focused minds to thoughts of wanton distraction. "Ganglot?" Hild whirled about, astonished to see the lovely young woman standing to one side of her desk, as if she had just materialized there without creating so much as an etheric ripple, "Niece...but...?" "What am I doing here, Aunt Hild?" the half-Oni demoness known as Ganglot replied, "I came to pay my respects to you, of course. After all, it has been nearly three hundred years since I was locked away in my pyramid by that spell cast by the Amazons, so why wouldn't I want to look up family since I've finally been released from my sentence?" "I can see her sense of humor is still intact," Mara winced, "Unfortunately." "Ganglot, Dearest," Hild could not resist the urge to reach forward towards the daughter of her half-sister, but Ganglot only casually returned the hug (ignoring the way her Aunt felt her up in passing as sort of a natural "family" thing) before extracting herself so things did not progress any further. "Sorry," Ganglot smiled, "But I'm kind of in a hurry right now. I have a contract back on Earth and I have to head back before I'm missed, and I just came to pick up a few things that I'll need when I relocate." "Relocate?" Mara frowned, "What are you up to now, Gangly? You didn't come here to socialize or you wouldn't be stiff-arming your Aunt, so what are you really here for?" "Ah...well," Ganglot replied, "The truth is...I do need something that I left here in your trust about five hundred years back, Aunt...but since I happened to overhear your little tiff over Happosai..." "You know about Happosai?" Hild asked, trying to hide her disappointment since the appearance of her niece was setting her pulse to racing like crazy. "Um...kind of," Ganglot said evasively, "He's sort of the reason I ran into that problem with the Amazons in the first place..." "Hey, that's right," Mara scowled, "He used to be your client. In fact, you're the one who made him a near-Immortal in the first place..." "Oh please," Ganglot sniffed, "I only granted a wish that he become the strongest, most perverted evil martial arts master in the world...I didn't graft him with that soul of a demon that kept him around for three hundred years, he kind of found it on his own. All my wish did was give him the opportunity, but he made all the choices." "So, you're denying responsibility for giving the most perverted old man in the history of Man the chance to wipe out all the men in creation?" "Why take credit or blame for something I never instituted in the first place?" Ganglot asked, "The Wish Sword was just a trivial artifact before Happy got his hands on it, and I certainly didn't coach him to make those three wishes that set everything in motion in the first place. And as for the Virus...well, I do admit that it has a certain sense of poetic irony, but it lacks my personal Aesthetic. So, If you want to blame anyone, blame Lilith herself since the Virus used her own DNA to convey her will to kill all the men on the planet." "So, you're shuffling this off onto her?" Mara asked, only to blink in dismay and say, "Lilith??? You mean...the Neflim who once tried to slaughter the mother race of Eve, only to be stopped by the Spear forged by Adam?" "The very same," Ganglot replied, "A human expedition found the body of Lilith when back-tracing the cell samples that were used to create the Virus, and before that a Ukrainian scientist foolishly thought to unlock the secrets of the universe by what he mistook for alien DNA, only to discover it to be near-human in origins. Somehow the idea got into his head to use his research for Germ Warfare purposes, and out of grief turned his weapon upon himself and all the rest of the men upon the planet. Now who do you suppose was instrumental in taking advantage of his weak mental state to carry out a progrom set in motion before the race of man was fully out of diapers?" "By the Abyss," Hild averred, "You mean...that all this time...?" "It was the will of Lilith that's set everything in motion?" Mara concluded for her Mistress, "But that's hideous...it means that..." "The Mother of Night herself has been the instrument of our undoing," Ganglot concluded for her distant cousin, only to smile, "But still...there is hope that, in the end, all will work out for the better. Sure, I wouldn't have instigated the fall of Man myself, but I think the world that has come about through the rise of Womanhood has all sorts of possibilities that intrigue me. I think that I shall enjoy exploring it for a while, especially since the benevolent aspects of this Virus has affected us all in ways that should pique even the most perverse of imaginations." "You mean to resume your work as a field agent, Niece?" Hild asked, "That's not very ambitious, to say nothing of being a tremendous underuse of your talents." "You misunderstand me, Auntie," Ganglot replied, "I am through doing evil works for either side of the schism between Hell and Heaven. My time locked away within my pyramid has been valuable in teaching me about the virtues of being human, and I think I should rather enjoy sowing mischief for beneficial reasons, especially since I could help to shape the world in benevolent ways that could one day help to ameliorate the effects of the Virus." "What?" Mara gasped, "Are you turning traitor?" "No," Ganglot replied, "Merely becoming a free agent. You see, I also perceive the folly of Heaven in thinking that our cousins who dwell above us have any deeper insight into the purpose of life itself within the cosmos." "You've become awfully bold and ambitious since last I've seen you, Niece," Hild replied, "What makes you think that I would accept your resignation? After all, I have you on contract for all Eternity..." "Even if I were to give you the means of curing yourself of Happosai?" Ganglot smiled, "Do I now have your attention...Auntie?" Hild's mouth hung open and for a moment she could not say anything, but then she recovered enough to say, "And...what else do you seek besides your freedom?" "Just this," Ganglot raised a hand and suddenly an object appeared above it, shaped vaguely like a large diamond-faceted crystal with eight sides and hovering like a slowly rotating top, yet with a vaguely luminescent gleam that brought a gasp of astonishment from Mara. "The Platohedron?" the lower-ranking Demoness exclaimed at the level of a hushed whisper. "The crystal construct of Pythagoras, said to contain all the knowledge of the universe?" Hild remarked, "You are ambitious..." "And you're quite desperate, Auntie," Ganglot recounted, causing the jewel to vanish, "I could have spirited it away from here without your knowing, but family loyalty and a sense of personal obligation held me back. Rather I will make a deal with you, Auntie...allow me to go freely about my ways WITH the crystal and I will give you the secret to making certain Happosai no longer plagues your life, as well as the men who are making life interesting down here in the Underworld." "You strike a tall bargain," Hild replied, "Very well...what secret bit of wisdom do you impart here?" "As I mentioned before," Ganglot replied, "Merely alter the protocols on Happosai's designation so that he is no longer bound here in perpetuity. After all, his crime was great, but his folly was greater, and Happy would do well in a different venue plaguing other feminine creatures who would be far more amenable to his type of perversions." Mara's eyes went wide, "You don't mean...?" "Uxal," Ganglot answered, "There he'd fit right in, and they'd no doubt fix him up with a body that would be karmatically free from all taint of the Virus. They operate under a slightly different system there, so there's no fear of the reach of Lilith." "Uxal," Hild faintly shuddered as she spoke the word, "The Prime Dimension of Sexual Perversions. Truly such a place would be like home to Happosai." "And...the rest of the men?" Mara asked. "It would be a shame and a pity to release all of them at once, or unload them on the same dimension," Ganglot answered, "So...the answer is to send them to different places, each one according to his fitness and desires, to say nothing of the level of his evils. Only keep the truly bad sorts, the Egomaniacs and would-be Tyrants, and send the lesser fish packing. The violent men could go to Gladshiem and join their brethren in Valhalla, while the vile and unclean sorts would do well in those little used Hell dimensions that haven't seen much action since the fall of the various empires of Babylon and Tyre, which are technically in the Asian sphere and right on the periphery of your realm, dear Auntie. All you need to make it perfect is to awaken the spirits of their guardian Beasts and their imaginations will do the rest, conjuring a Hell that is truly worthy of their all-too-masculine presence." "How incredibly fiendish," Ganglot marveled, "And, now that I think about it, Erlic and Seth were complaining just the other millennia about how little action they were receiving since the fall of the Hyborean Age." "But who could forge so many passports or arrange so many transfer orders all at once?" Mara asked, "The paperwork alone would keep the staff here slaving day and night for years..." "Already arranged in advance," Ganglot held up the Platohedron again and passed her hand over the crystal, making tapping motions in the air before saying, "You just have to know how to push the right buttons and the system does the rest. In fact, as far as Heaven will ever know, they themselves will have put things in motion, and none will think any the wiser when half a billion of your current residents are divided up and sent to a dozen different locations." She banished the crystal once again then smiled at Queen Hild before saying, "Does that fulfill the terms of our agreement, Auntie? If so, then I will take my leave and be in touch with you again later. Oh, and Mara...have fun paying your respects to my cousin." "Oh..." Mara said faintly, imagining her upcoming reunion with Urd, and the mayhem that was likely to follow, "Yeah...right...that..." The half-Oni demon princess vanished from the office in a flash of light that was shaped something like the Platohedron, then Hild slowly nodded her ascent and sighed, "There goes my best hacker...and somehow I almost pity humanity for having to unleash her without restraints on an unsuspecting planet." "Truly she can be a terrifying sight to behold, my Lady," Mara averred, "Imaginative, creative and ruthless..." "I miss her already," Hild sighed, then glanced around before saying, "But it's gotten a bit quiet around out there. Let us hope she kept her side of the bargain, though I'm beginning to think that I'll have to do some fancy explaining to the rest of the Hell Lords." Mara glanced towards her sovereign then asked, "Who do you suppose her client is this time? I certainly hope it's not someone as bad as Happosai." "Time will tell on that score," the Queen of Hell remarked, "But whoever it is, I wish the best of luck...because they are going to need it..." * * * "That's it, my dear. Just set the stone over there...and GENTLY this time, please. Wouldn't want you to break it." Hibiki Atsuko lowered the capstone of a certain pyramid as gently as she could manage, her Oni strength allowing her to treat the multi-ton thing as though it were made of Styrofoam, though in point of fact it was carved of solid basalt. "There," Ganglot smiled when the stone was resting upon the floor of the basement of the building in which they were presently standing, placing the Platohedron at the apex and watching it sink down into the stone, vanishing from sight altogether. "And now to secure this room with wards so that a certain daughter-in-law of mine doesn't come prying to cause trouble," the Oni princess said with casual aplomb, "Then why don't we just pop upstairs and check on my great-grandchildren to see to it that they don't get themselves into any mischief. At least, not without my supervision, of course." Atsuko did not reply to her grandmother's comments, though she stared straight ahead at nothing in particular like a person who was sleepwalking, bound by spells that were actually crafted for her own protection. "I know that this must seem rough on you, Dear," Ganglot sympathized, "But it's for a worthy cause, I assure you. After all, that witch Cybelle still has ways of extracting knowledge from your subconscious, and even though you no longer work for her old habits die hard...especially for us Hibikis." A slight shift in time and space later and the two of them materialized within the office of a certain urban clinic located in the Nerima area, and once upon the surface of the mortal world the Oni Princess made haste to alter the appearance of both herself and her granddaughter to their alternate disguises. Concealing their batlike wings and unearthly skin tones behind an illusion of normality, she made them appear like perfectly ordinary (albeit extremely gorgeous with ample endowments) mortals. "Now then," Ganglot smiled, "Time to hang up my shingle and open up for business, Doctor Ganglot is in the house with Nurse Atsuko ready to serve patients." Atsuko blinked, glanced around then down at herself, then turned to Ganglot and asked, "Grandmother...did something just happen that you made me forget all about again?" "Nothing to trouble yourself over, my Dear," Ganglot patted the younger Oni on the shoulder, ignoring her granddaughter's hidden wings as they were temporarily displaced within the folds of her illusion, "Just keep in mind that we are beginning new lives here and that I have a contract to service with the local Doctor, so for all intents and purposes I am officially her partner and am here to help run this medical facility for the sake of both her and her patients." "Patients?" Atsuko stared at her legendary elder with a quizzical expression. "Yes," Ganglot said patiently, patting the younger woman on the head, "I know perfectly well that all the women of this world are spry and as healthy as a herd of wild mares and that no one suffers from any diseases due to the aggressive nature of the Virus, and that injuries tend to repair themselves so that only a traumatically life-threatening event can actually kill them." "Then why would they need a medical facility?" Atsuko asked, "If they have the stamina and regenerative capabilities that are natural for us Oni..." "Plus an out-of-control sexual drive that puts to shame the most hard-bitten Nymph or Satyr," Ganglot pointed out, only to amend her last statement, "Scratch that...no Satyrs survived thanks to the Virus, or any other male creature of near-human variation." "Not even Daddy?" Atsuko asked with rounded eyes, looking close to tears as she considered the implications. Ganglot closed her eyes for a moment and heaved a sigh that caused her expansive chest to rise and fall for a few seconds, then she opened her eyes and with infinite sadness replied, "I watched his end and could do nothing...my beautiful son, your father, Razor...but his thoughts and prayers were on you in the end. He is in a better place now...and far removed from the influence of your mother." "Daddy..." Atsuko's eyes began to water, and for a moment the grief overtook her. "Let it go, At-chan," her grandmother urged after allowing Atsuko her moment, "We can do nothing for your father at this time...but there are others we can help, who need our aid and the benediction that our presence will bring to this, our refuge and new home, the Ogenki Love Clinic." "Ogenki Love Clinic?" Atsuko blinked, "What sort of a place is that...?" "A very special kind that caters to the very special needs of our patients," Ganglot informed her daughter, "It doubles as both a Fertility center and helps with counseling and therapy for individuals and couples who are experiencing less than full enjoyment of their love lives. My client and partner, Doctor Ogeguri Ai, (the one who found and freed me from my prison in my ancestral pyramid during a vacation that she took through rural China) is a talented specialist who tends to every need of her patients, and by helping them she helps the people of this world to cope with the lingering consequences of what my former client wrought upon this planet. In fact, I do believe that I hear Ai-chan on her way here from her office." Just then the door to the clinic burst open and in stepped an incredible beauty whose melon-sized breasts threatened to burst forth from the constraints of her outfit. She was tall with luxurious blonde hair styled up in a professional bun and had amazingly blue eyes that were large, full and expressive, and most of her legs were visible from beneath the short-short hem of her skirt, causing Atsuko to suffer a momentary case of near-total hormonal overload, for without a doubt this mortal was the most buxom young thing to cross her path in quite some time now. "Doctor Ganglot...you're back already?" the blonde asked, only to have her eyes fall upon the nearly petrified Atsuko as Doctor Ai asked, "Oh...and who is this?" "Ah," Ganglot smiled as she waved a hand towards Atsuko and said, "My granddaughter, Hibiki Atsuko, the mother to my darling great-grandkids, Rui and Ryoko. Speaking of which, where are my darling angels?" "That's just it, Ganglot-sensei," Doctor Ai replied, "The girls are gone...both of them! I left them alone for but a minute and when I turned back...they both vanished!" "Vanished?" Atsuko broke out of the besotted spell she was under and gasped, "My babies?" "Calm yourself, Child," Ganglot urged, "They probably wandered off and got lost somewhere. That also tends to happen a lot with Hibikis...myself exempted, of course." "But where could they have gone?" Doctor Ai asked in distress, "I remember the older girl saying something about looking up an old acquaintance...something about a girl she knew named Saotome something..." "Saotome?" Ganglot blinked, "Are you certain?" "Saotome?" Atsuko also blinked then stroked her chin with a finger, "That name is familiar...I'm sure I...oh no! It can't be her! How would Ryo-chan know anything about her whereabouts?" "Perhaps because she looked through a window and saw a familiar profile," Ganglot turned to glance towards one end of the clinic, as though she could see through solid walls of glass, particle board, plaster and metal, "And Rui-chan chose to follow her sister rather than let her out of her sight where she was bound to wind up in deep trouble." "We have to find them!" Atsuko all but wailed, "Alone out there...they might get hurt or even worse...or they might wind up being discovered by Momma!" "Just be calm, At-chan," Ganglot urged, "We can track them easily since I had the foresight to put marker tags on their headbands, and it's not like they could go far so long as they keep their focus upon what they are after. Of course, if their attention wavers while they are walking they could wind up lost again and find themselves anywhere between here and the North Pole, bothering Mrs. Claus for directions." "That isn't helping, Grandma!" Atsuko snapped, "Just show me where they went and I'll fetch them back before those two can get into any trouble." "More like they'll start things, from what I've seen them get into already," Doctor Ai remarked, then sighed, "But lead the way, Doctor, let's go find your wayward granddaughters." "But which way did they go?" Atsuko asked in growing frustration. "Which way do you think, Child?" Ganglot sighed, already headed for the front exit of the sex clinic, "After a certain redhead and her entourage, of course, to renew some unfinished business..." * * * "Mom told us to wait," thirteen year old Hibiki Rui fretted aloud, "Not go tail-chasing after ex-girlfriends, Oneechan. We're both gonna get in so much trouble..." "Oh hush," Ryoko snapped at her younger sister as she peered around the corner of a particular building to scope out her quarry, finding the redhead and companion brunette in the company of a group of far less familiar young women, "Mom'll understand that this is important, and besides...if I don't confront her now I may lose her again and never have another chance at getting even." "Getting even?" Rui asked with a puzzled expression, "You're not still mad at her for breaking up with you like she did...?" "Of course not!" Ryoko insisted, "That's not why I'm after her...but if you must know, worry-wart, I have unfinished business with Saotome Ranma and her so-called fiancée, Kuonji Ukyo...business that won't wait any longer, especially since those two flirts are out partying with a new entourage. I knew they liked to play the field, but four at one time is a bit much even by their standards." "Only four? Sounds boring to me," Rui huffed, "Group scenes aren't my thing, and besides...how do you know that it's not just a casual fling with some new girlfriends?" "Because of the way those girls are looking at her," Ryoko snarled, baring her fangs and glaring at the strange women who were flocking about Ranma and Ukyo in an altogether overly familiar manner, "They're involved all right, I can read their body language from here, and if that little pigtailed slut thinks she can humiliate me like this..." "What are you getting so mad about?" Rui asked, "Just challenge her to a match to settle this stuff between you so that can be the end of it and we can go back to visiting great-grandma's place with momma." "Have some patience, little squirt," Ryoko said levelly as she continued to spy upon her quarry, "Mom always said that vengeance was better served up like a cold dish of miso...and besides, I need to find exactly the right moment when those two are completely distracted, that way they'll never even see me coming." "Whatever," Rui sighed, deciding then and there that she was never going to understand the mindset of her older sister... Meanwhile the objects of Ryoko's intended surprise were both standing side-by-side on a public sidewalk, intending to head towards their new school, along with their newly gained gaggle of potential fiancées, but were presently standing still and staring through a department store window at a wide-screen television that was on display, trying for the life of them to make sense of the foreign-made movie that was currently being showcased. "I give up," Ranma said at length, "What is it?" "You got me there, Ranchan," Ukyo murmured, "Some kind of really dull drama, I think...'Steel Magnums,' or something like that..." "It's Magnolias," Akane corrected with some irritation, "'Steel Magnolias,' and it happens to be one of my favorite American imports." "Well, I don't get it," Ranma insisted, "It's just a bunch of people talking...when are they gonna get around to some action?" "Can't say I fault you there, Ranchan," Nabiki sympathetically agreed, "Akane likes this stuff, but I never could see the point to it. Fact is, I think this is what they used to call a 'Chick Flick' in the old days, before the Virus." "Chick Flick?" Ukyo snorted, "As if! I mean, there's no fighting, and nobody's fucking, no one's getting it on, not even with that cute blonde hottie, and most of the guys in this move are, like, really old and wrinkled. Don't see a whole lot of old people these days, and even the men don't appear all that attractive." "Aiyaa," Shampoo agreed, no less puzzled by what she was seeing than her group of Airen. "In the old days people were not as interested in making love to one another as they were in finding stable relationships, Kuonji-kun," Kasumi explained, "I agree that it does seem a little dull by present standards, but the writing is very good, from what I can tell, and you have to admit that it is rather interesting to see what people were like before the Virus." "Oh yeah," Nabiki snorted, "Like things were all that swell and peachy in the old days. C'mon, they show stuff like this on cable all the time. It's just the tame stuff without anything that adults consider too unsettling, like sex and nudity and stuff...things they consider to be against traditional family values." "Huh?" Ranma reacted in puzzlement, "What's that?" "Don't you know anything?" Akane asked in disgust, "In the old days, before the Virus, people thought sex and nudity were anti-family values." "Anti-family values?" Ukyo asked in disbelief, "You've gotta be kidding, Sugar...what could be more family than sex?" "Aiyaa," Shampoo agreed, "How else families come to be without sex? No make sense if they no go together." "I'm inclined to agree with you there," Nabiki smiled, "Never could see what the fuss was all about, but those previous generation guys had really warped values." "I remember studying about it in high school," Kasumi remarked, "Something about the belief that denial of sex and carnal urges was thought to be spiritually pure, like virginity, a concept that's all but impossible in the present era." "Spiritual purity, huh?" Ranma sniffed, "Part of our training on the road was learning to control our urges, but in the end it turned out indulgence was an even faster road to enlightenment, right Ucchan?" "You got that right, Ranchan," Ukyo grinned, "All the starving and fasting and sitting alone in meditation wondering what we were both up to just built up a greater appetite, but when we trained together we both got a special spiritual jolt that made us feel more at one with the whole universe, and I don't just mean the usual high you get from sharing a mutual orgasm." "Really?" Nabiki asked with raised eyebrow, "Was there, like, some kind of special position you guys were in...?" "Heck, we tried every position in the Lesbian Kama-Sutra, then had to invent a whole lot on our own just to keep busy," Ranma smirked, "Never got tired of some of the really exotic poses we learned from that masseuse in Canton, remember her, Ucchan?" "How could I forget?" Ukyo smiled in a semi-dreamy manner, "We did have some good times traveling and training together, Ranchan. You guys will never know the things we've seen and done together while traveling with mom..." she paused to consider her words then sheepishly said, "I mean...Aunt Nodoka. Kami, it's gonna take a while getting used to that again. I'm so used to thinking of her as my surrogate mother, not to mention mother-in-law-to-be..." "Guess we'll all have to get used to thinking of her like that," Nabiki remarked, "All except you, of course, Akane..." "Gee, and don't I feel lucky," Akane snorted. "Perhaps we will have to think of her as our new mother," Kasumi observed, "Especially if she and mother decide to formalize their relationship, and we can't rule out the possibility of yet more children in the future." "Children?" Ranma asked, "Are they thinking about visiting a clinic or something?" "Kasumi," Nabiki gave a reproving look towards her older sister, "You're not thinking about looking up our old buddy Tariko-san, are you? Because you know that she and I don't really get along all that well..." "Tariko-chan?" Akane brightened, "Gosh, it's been a while since we last saw her. I wonder what she's up to these days? Probably still carrying out that private business of hers, I guess..." "Tariko-chan?" Ranma-frowned, "Where do I know that name? It's like I met her before, only...I can't seem to remember." "I know exactly what you mean, Ranchan," Ukyo curled her brow and seemed to look inward, "I've got exactly the same feeling when I heard that name just now...only...it's weird we can't remember 'cause you and me usually remember everything...it's a part of our training." "Aiyaa," Shampoo murmured, "Shampoo think maybe she know girl name Tariko from time she talk to this one's mother..." "All of us must know her in one way or another...which is curious when you think about it," Nabiki scowled, "She's a telepath, and a powerful one from what little we do know about her...so if you wanted to make somebody forget they knew her..." "SAOTOME RANMA!!!" a voice cried out, catching everyone by surprise, "PREPARE TO---!" BWAMMM!!! The formerly hurtling figure ran smack face-first into the combined obstacles of a raised bonbori and Ukyo's giant spatula, both of which had been reflexively raised to protect the object of the attacker's leap, thereby thwarting the girl holding the umbrella in one upraised hand, who slid down to the sidewalk like a bird that had just flown into a window. "Who the heck is that?" Akane reacted, amazed at how quickly events had just transpired, to say nothing of the speed with which the two fiancées of Ranma had both reacted to protect her. Ranma blinked her own eyes then said, "Beats the heck out of...hey! Wait a minute! I do know her!" "Same here, Sugar," Ukyo said while replacing her spatula over her back holster, "Took me a moment to place the face, but that battle cry was sure familiar enough. It's Hibiki Ryoko." "Who?" Nabiki asked in amazement. "Oh my," Kasumi said as she studied the strange girl with the tiger-striped bandana currently slumped unconscious at their very feet, "You know this person? Then why did she just attack us?" "Beats the heck out of me," Ranma shrugged, "We used to be best friends and all that. Fact is, me and Ukyo shared some pretty sweet times with Ryoko back in middle school, before we took that trip along the coastline of Asia." "She's probably nursing some grudge about the way we ran out on her, Ranchan," Ukyo remarked, "It was kind of sudden-like, and it happened right after mom-um---aunt Nodoka had that tiff with Ryoko's momma..." "Oh yeah, her," Ranma scowled, "What was the big deal with that anyway? I mean, I thought Ryoko's mom was pretty cool, and she used to do magic tricks for us at parties, an' I thought she'n mom were supposed to be best buddies..." "I think I can help you out there," said a young girl of about middle-school age as she stepped out from behind a parked car and gave the other girls a somewhat sheepish expression. "Rui-chan?" Ukyo blinked as she stared at a somewhat younger version of the presently slumped Ryoko. "Whoah," Ranma gawked as she looked the girl up and down appreciatively, "You've grown a bit since we saw you...if I didn't know better I'd almost say you were a ringer for your sister when she and us were about...um...your age..." "Hey," the young girl shrugged, "It's the genetics. But my big sister didn't really mean you guys any harm when she was attacking you just know, it was just that she thought she caught you and Ukyo cavorting about with a bunch of new girlfriends and...well...you know how jealous she gets, always flying off the handle and making hasty conclusions..." "Yeah, I remember that," Ranma sniffed, "So...what's Ryoko getting all jealous for? We broke up a couple of years ago when our mom took Ucchan and me to visit Hong Kong..." "You mean you honestly don't know?" Rui gawked, "Didn't your mom ever tell you?" "Tell us what, Sugar?" Ukyo asked curiously. "That she and my mom made an engagement pact to hitch you up with my big sis," the younger of the Hibiki sisters asked, reading the astonished looks of all those others present, "What? Is that a problem...?" Continued. Comments/Criticisms/Celestial Dirty Business: shadowmane@msn.com What does this portend for Ranma and his multiple engagement party to have one more potential candidate added to the mix? And what will happen when Ryoko discovers the truth about Ranma's little "gender" problem...and how will Ranma react when she learns of Ryoko's little "secret?" (Or the other Fiancées for that matter?) Can even the formidable skills of a professional meddler such as Ganglot prevail over the mess set in motion by her granddaughter and Nodoka? And how will Mara cope with having Urd and Belldandy for her new "roommates?" For this and other fiendishly perverted good fun stay tuned to the next amoral chapter, "Crimes and Misdemeanors," or, "Statutory Clauses..." Be there!