Neko Love 13. Nekohanten Showdown

Author:

Disclaimer: I don’t own Ranma!

Chapter 13

Cologne sat on her stick watching her two new recruits. She had regretted letting Akane enter but she wanted to watch them. Shampoo had been restricted to her room. Not only her room but in her cat form as well. She had originally wanted to go straight back to the Tendo home and kill Akane but she had stopped her great-granddaughter. It was not the best way for revenge and Cologne had her own plan hatched. She couldn’t act on anything till she got some facts herself. There was something wrong with the whole situation and she wanted to find out. The tonic water as powerful a hypnotic as it was it couldn’t produce the true Neko-Ken.

It either meant that Akane possessed a better martial art potential than she’d already exhibited or she had been a cat in her past life. As Cologne watched Akane struggle to balance two dishes without tripping she doubted the past life part. It had to be the potential in martial arts. She had to induce the Neko-Ken in Akane to find out.

It wasn’t going to be easy, she wanted to get at least a days work out of the pair of them. Ranma knew what he was doing. He had already changed into his female persona and was flirting with the customers for tips. Akane was working hard if slightly slower than Cologne was used to. She had to slow down her dish throwing for the girl which just made the old Amazon more annoyed.

“C’mon Akane speed up!” Ranma said as she grabbed the dishes that Cologne had thrown for Akane.

“It’s harder than it looks!” Akane huffed.

“Well I can’t help it if I make it look easy.” Ranma grinned as she balanced 6 dishes.

Akane glared at her fiancee, she was tempted to throw the bowl she was carrying at her. She thought better of it as Cologne was being harsh on her. Every dish she had broken or spilled had been marked down on a board. So far it was Akane, 7 and Ranma, 0.

Akane set down her dish to the customer. “Here you go sir.” Akane said. “One Wun Tun soup.”

“I ordered desert!” The customer snapped.

“No need to shout!” Akane yelled.

“We’re so sorry sir.” Ranma simpered as she intercepted from an Akane explosion. She pushed Akane behind her. “Please accept this free meal ticket next time you visit!” She handed the man the slip of paper and gave her best girlie pout.

“Oh well...” The man chuckled as he fell for the cute girl routine. “I can’t say no to you cutie.”

Ranma faked a grin and pushed Akane away. “Listen why don’t you do the washing up?” She whispered.

“I always end up doing that!” Akane moaned. “I want to waitress!”

“Ranma!” Cologne shouted. “Leave Akane to make mistakes! It’s the only way she’ll learn.”

“Okay you old ghoul.” Ranma muttered as she dashed to take another order. “It’s your restaurant she’ll destroy.”

Akane looked at the smile she received from Cologne. She didn’t trust the Elder amazon. The fact that she was allowing her to work was confusing. She grabbed the next flying dish that was announced for ‘table 4’. She wobbled slightly but managed to stay upright. Akane smirked proudly before her dream was shattered by Cologne rapping her on the head.

“Stay awake girl!” Cologne snapped.

Akane stumbled and the hot plate dropped from her hands.

“Ranma nil, Akane 8.” Cologne said smiling as she scrawled the new score on the board. “Better catch the next one.” There was a blur over the hot plates as Cologne remade the noodles that Akane had dropped. Akane leapt and managed to catch it. She stood proud as she balanced the plate with her hand and ran to table four.

Before she made it there though Ranma jumped in front of her as she intercepted the next order. Ranma posed while she balanced the four dishes she had caught.

“Man this is really easy!” She boasted. “Looks like I’m still better than you.”

Akane shot him her best death stare. Her aura suddenly flaring up, creating a huge shadow over her. Ranma didn’t realise and carried on serving the food.

Cologne groaned as she saw the tension mounting. It was going to be a long lunch time for her to get through.

***

Upstairs in the restaurant a very miserable cat sat in a small carry cage. Beside her a duck was quacking in her ear.

*Mousse why don’t you shut up?* Shampoo thought.

Her great-grandmother had put him there. She recognised the tone of Mousse’s quacks. He always sounded like that when he was wanting to fight someone. Mostly because of her Ranma.

Shampoo hissed at the duck. He was the last person she wanted near her. Mousse perked up at her hiss. His frantic angry quacking turning into frantic happy quacking.

Shampoo hated the fact that she understood the tone in his quacks. She knew she shouldn’t waste her time with understanding the idiot. It just encouraged him. She shifted to the far end of her cage, curling into a ball. There had to be a way out of the cage. It was a cat proof cage but was it ‘human trapped as a cat’ proof? Shampoo unsheathed her claws. The lock looked pickable, she just had to angle her paw round.

She stretched her front leg out. It was at an awkward angle. She fiddled and tried twirling it round. She gave a loud hiss warning to Mousse to shut up. The duck fell silent as he listened to Shampoo picking away at the lock. He couldn’t see what she was doing because his eyes didn’t work very well as a duck. The fact that his lenses were at the front while his cursed form eyes were at the side didn’t help.

*Oh beloved Shampoo.* Mousse thought. *We have to escape the old crone’s imprisonment. We must avenge your dishonour by Akane Tendo and Ranma Saotome. He stood gladly by while you were attacked by that girl.*

There was a squeaking noise as if a cage door had been opened.

Mousse began quacking again. *Now my love! Free me, let us together seek atonement for your embarrassing defeat.*

There was a scrabbling noise, another creak and slam.

*Shampoo?* Mousse tried calling out a quack to her. *You can free me now.*

There was no answer, Shampoo had left for her revenge.

*****

The lunchtime rush was almost over. Akane grumbled as she mopped up another accident. Her whole time was being spent as a cleaning woman, moping up and clearing tables. She had served some people but they had all complained at how slow she was compared to the ‘other pretty Chinese girl’. This had just made Akane mad and she tried to work faster but it made her far more clumsy.

Her dish score was now Akane 48 and Ranma 0. If Cologne was counting the amount of times she’d cleaned tables or mopped floors she was sure she was winning. At the very least Akane had to thank her lucky stars (wherever they were) that she had not washed one dish yet. When she worked at Ukyo’s to help out she had been forced to do that.

The last customer left and Cologne hopped over to switch the sign to close.

“Now children, before you begin those questions you feel you must ask. Please explain what has happened between you two.”

“You mean you don’t know?” Ranma spat. “You made us work your lunch hour while you didn’t know what’s been happening?”

“Oh I know about the spell!” Cologne chuckled. “I was the one that told Shampoo to put it on you. Just tell me the results, call it field research.”

“Why you old ghoul!” Ranma snarled, she advance on Cologne but Akane held her back.

“It’s okay Ranma just tell her.” Akane said. “If it gets me my cure.”

Ranma growled still annoyed at having to tell the whole story. “Well, you know how you made Akane act like a cat?”

Cologne nodded.

“Well, she acts like a cat in heat. When she turned she tried to rape me.”

“Oh dear how horrible for you.” Cologne said, trying not to laugh.

“An’ there’s been my cat side not helping.”

“You’re Neko-Ken side has risen lately.” Cologne said raising her eyebrows.

“He tried to rape me first.” Akane said. “I’m ovulating and I think the Neko side thinks I’m in heat.”

“Yeah but we’ve had a few close calls.” Ranma chipped in.

“What with both our Neko sides wanting to mate.” Akane continued. “And Nabiki trying to disown me if we do, do it.”

“So we have to have a cure or else we’re doomed.” Ranma finished.

Akane gave him a look. She didn’t like the fact that sex with her made Ranma think of the word doomed.

“How close have you gotten?” Cologne asked not missing the glare from Akane.

“Ukyo said we almost did it but she and Ryoga saved us.” Akane explained. “Neko-Ranma ripped my dress and I was exposed.”

“So nothing happened?” Cologne asked quickly.

“I was kind of wet and sticky.” Akane whispered turning red. “Ukyo said nothing happened.”

“Uh-huh.” Cologne said not convinced.

“Heck, it’s not like we can remember.” Ranma said. “We just both seem to go crazy.”

“Indeed, the real Neko-Ken is a formidable berserker mode.” Cologne said scratching her chin. “To be in a true berserk mode you have to shed your humanity completely, absorb yourself in the chosen animal form. Some people have been known to use wolves or bears. The Neko-Ken is an interesting variation as there is some domestication in the animal. It is not as wild as other forms. It can be tamed given the right stimuli.”

“Is this some lecture?” Ranma said.

“I’m just saying son-in-law.” Cologne sighed. “That your feline sides are linked to your humanity. Domestic cats are not wild animals and so the berserker mode is not as formidable as it seems. True you could stop me which is quite impressive, but you calmed down for Akane. You and her unfortunately have a connection.”

“Does that mean you’re giving up?” Ranma asked. “I don’t have to marry Shampoo?”

“Don’t be a fool.” Cologne snapped. “If I gave up with this sort of set back what kind of Amazon warrior would I be? No, I’m merely accepting that you feel a connection to Akane. You must be attracted to her.”

There was a silence between Akane and Ranma as they avoided each other’s looks.

“I mean if *I* was in the room.” Cologne cackled. “I’m sure you would have tried to rape me. I am a well known beauty.”

Both Akane and Ranma stared at Cologne with wide-eyed disbelief.

“Now back to business.” Cologne said ignoring the stares. “I didn’t give Shampoo instructions to make Akane turn into the Neko-Ken. I told her to make Akane act like a violent cat towards Ranma....”

“Why you!” Ranma shouted but Akane held her back. She wanted to hear the explanation.

“If Akane attacked Ranma like a violent cat she would scare Ranma into Shampoo’s arms.” Cologne said. “It was a perfect plan that the girl messed up. She must have mentioned Neko-Ken while applying the tonic.”

“What was the tonic?” Ranma asked.

“A variation of the kairaishi mushroom, but perfected by my tribe.” Cologne said. “Now if you don’t mind I just need to do something.”

“What?” Ranma-Chan said suspiciously. She didn’t like the fact that Cologne had spilled the beans so early on. The Elder must be wanting something else in return.

Cologne held up a bag. “I just need to see it for myself.”

“What’s in the bag?” Ranma-Chan said, he made sure she got in front of Akane.

“Ranma, I can look after myself.” Akane said.

“I almost didn’t get one today.” Cologne murmured to herself. “The delivery man had an accident.”

Before either of the pair could ask again they were split up by Cologne. A fish was swung past Ranma and it connected with Akane’s face.

“Akuma fish slap attack!” Cologne yelled. The long fish that the amazon was using became a blur as she slapped it across Akane’s cheeks. With a final hit it sent Akane out the window.

“What do you think you’re doing you old witch?” Ranma screamed as she turned her fists in a defensive stance.

“I just wanted to see something.” Cologne said chuckling.

There was a loud meow.

“Oh no!” Ranma-Chan squeaked. Her fear suddenly rising up. She tried to scrabble for an escape route. She couldn’t let it happen again. Not twice in one day!

Ranma was knocked down by a Neko-Shampoo attaching herself to her head.

“Just in time great-granddaughter.” Cologne laughed. “I knew you would figure your way out of the simple cage.”

“This was a trap all along!” Ranma screamed as she threw the purple cat down. She leapt up to higher ground.

“Now stay still Son-in-law this is for your own good.” Cologne said. “I have to see this for myself.”

There was another loud meow.

Cologne turned round. “Now there you are kitten.”

Neko-Akane had entered and she was pissed. Her face was covered in red marks from the fish.

“You don’t have the real Neko-Ken.” Cologne said. “You just think you do.”

Shampoo hissed at Akane’s arrival. She was ready for a rematch against the violent girl. She was on her home turf now, she wasn’t going to hold back. It was a matter of honour now. Her great-grandmother was right, the tomboy couldn’t imitate the Neko-ken this well.

Cologne splashed a ladle of hot water from the kitchen onto Shampoo. The small cat changed into the beautiful amazon.

“We give rematch yes?” Shampoo purred. She reached for an apron to cover the most of her exposed nakedness.

Neko-Akane arched her back as she stalked back and forth. Her mate was trapped behind the annoying people. She had to get to her.

“That’s strange.” Cologne said noticing Akane watching the petrified Ranma. “I wouldn’t think a cat in heat would be attracted to another girl.”

“She is pervert girl as cat too.” Shampoo said.

“Gives me a plan.” Cologne said. “Keep Akane busy Shampoo and I’ll work on something.” The Elder Amazon hopped behind the counter. Shampoo bounced forward with a high pitched battle cry.

“Shampoo win this time.” Shampoo cried. “Kill!”

“Ahh! No!” Ranma screamed from up high. She was petrified but still watched in horror. The boy/girl was pulled down by Cologne. Ranma was shaking from fear, still close herself from turning.

“You’re sometimes more bother than you’re worth.” Cologne hissed. She dumped some strange outfit over her would be son-in-law.

“What the heck is this?” Ranma said as she noticed the bells and the strange smell.

“Congratulations.” Cologne said slapping her back. “You’ve been volunteered as a human cat toy.”

“But what about my Neko side?” Ranma yelled as she was chucked outside.

“Lets call this a see it to believe it scenario.” Cologne said. “I don’t believe anything you two have told me at all today. There is no way Akane Tendo could defeat Shampoo. Now when you turn Neko you’ll have Shampoo to choose from or me, whatever beauty takes your cat’s imagination. I would have to sacrifice myself I know but it will be worth it; won’t it Shampoo?”

“Shampoo shall be chosen by Neko-Ranma not violent cat girl.” Shampoo said as she dodged Akane’s leaping attack. Akane though hadn’t been aiming for Shampoo. She had jumped to catch her beloved Ranma mate. Plus her new outfit with the bells and the cat nip was really attractive.

“Meowwrrr!” Akane greeted her as she licked her face.

“Ahh! Akane get off!” Ranma said as she tried to push Akane off her. She didn’t like the crowd her outdoor antics were attracting. They were both girls and Akane was trying to rape her again! Either that or she was really happy to see her. Ranma groaned as she felt her fear taking over her mind. The world began spinning as Akane’s meowing and purring took over.

They didn’t notice the shadow that passed above them. In a moment it was gone and heading towards Uc-chans.

“Hurry up and turn Airen.” Shampoo called from the shop window. “Shampoo need you!”

*******

Author’s Note: Well, well what can I say except... oops another cliffhanger!

I have done a small bit of research myself and I do believe the Neko-Ken to be a comedy take on the berserk mode that the Vikings and other barbarians used. They used to believe the spirit of the animal would possess them and they would turn berserk. The more common form being the bear or the wolf, where the legend of werewolves began. (Or part of the myth.) When the warriors went berserk they would submerge completely into the animal and they would wake up after the battle unaware of the horrors that they committed. (Lots of nasty eating of human flesh and raping occurred.)

The difference between Ranma’s berserk form and the Vikings is that his is not a wild animal. As I made Cologne point out in this chapter. He just thinks he’s a house cat. As cat owners will tell anyone they can be very picky with who pats them. Well my old cat was, he attacked anyone he didn’t like!

I also have and some reviewers reminding me of the Musk dynasty. They’ve passed on the cursed form through generations so the magic of the Jusenkyo curse could pass on. I had forgotten about that! (I don’t own that specific volume.) Also the Togenkyo inhabitants all seemed to be born males from the cursed water on the island. Thanks to those reviewers who informed me.

To Lady Mokodane: I think it would be funny if Akane did turn from ‘that’ particular smell but seeing as those two always take baths I don’t think it would happen in my story. Plus she has to see the fish as well as smell it.

So next chapter we’ll find out who Neko-Ranma preferes. Shampoo, Akane or even Cologne. Um ... sorry for any horrible images.