Neko Love 12. It’s all a matter of taste

Author:

Disclaimer: I don’t own Ranma!

Chapter 12

In a local Nerima Okonomiyaki restaurant three figures could be seen. They were of course a now male Ranma, Akane and a completely embarrassed Ukyo. There was also a black piglet skulking around a certain tomboy’s ankles.

Akane gulped down another glass of water. “I’ve still got a funny taste in my mouth.” She said.

“Yeah my mouth still tastes funny.” Ranma agreed. “Hey Uc-Chan did me an’ Akane eat anything weird when we went Neko?”

Ukyo stayed silent. She knew exactly why they had strange tastes in their mouths.

“I mean it tastes slightly salty...” Akane mumbled.

Ukyo choked on her milkshake.

“My mouth tastes more like prawns.” Ranma said.

Ukyo now spat out her drink into her napkin.

“Say Uc-Chan are you okay?” Ranma asked. “You’ve been kinda quiet since I woke up. Did I eat all your prawn supplies as a feline?”

“I’m fine Ran-Chan.” Ukyo said trying to keep a nice smile on things. “We saved you just in time.”

“I thought it was just you?” Akane said.

Ukyo picked up P-Chan. “Of course brave Ryoga tried to fight both of you but he was thrown into the air.” She squeezed the little pig tight. “I’m sure he’ll show up.”

“I guess he got lost again.” Akane sighed.

“Yeah.” Ranma snarled looking daggers at P-Chan. “Wish he’d stay lost sometimes.”

“Seems you like MY pig.” Akane said getting slightly jealous that her pet was in Ukyo’s hands.

“Oh, I’m just looking after the sweetie!” Ukyo said using a fake smile. “I’ve become rather attached to the little darlin’”

“You have?” Ranma gasped. *Not Ukyo too.*

“Ooh he’s just a snuggly bundle of pork.” Ukyo said trying not to be sick. “I think I’ll keep him here for a little while if you don’t mind. I don’t think he’ll appreciate getting attacked by all these cats.”

“Wouldn’t hurt.” Ranma said. “A little chew here a little chew there. I might like waking up to the taste of pork.”

“I don’t think so sugar.” Ukyo said giggling. Ryoga began wiggling in her lap, desperate to escape and go to Akane. Ukyo gave him a hard squeeze around his neck.

“I still can’t believe Neko-Ranma ripped my dress.” Akane said glaring at Ranma. The mentioning of Neko-Ranma and chewing reminded her. “I’ll have to go home and get a new one.”

“Looks like we’re not going into school today.” Ukyo said. “If you’ll excuse me I gotta go sort something.” She made a dash for the back room that was her living quarters. Ukyo had been dying to have a little ‘talk’ with Ryoga. She ran into the bathroom and dumped the small piglet into the shower. The ‘bwee’ squeal soon turned into a human ‘ahh’.

“Damn it, that’s too hot!” Ryoga screamed.

“GOOD!” Ukyo screamed back. “I hope you get yourself scolded you pervert!” She threw a towel behind her back. She had turned around so she couldn’t see his nakedness.

“I am not a pervert!” Ryoga said trying to defend himself. “I just need to stay close to Akane!”

“I should go back in there and tell Akane the truth!”

“Then why don’t you?” Ryoga snapped.

“Because then Akane will never leave Ranma for you!” Ukyo said turning back round to poke her finger in his naked chest. “I am not gonna lose Ran-Chan for some uncute Tomboy!”

“Akane is not uncute!” Ryoga yelled. “She’s a beautiful flower repressed by that damn Saotome!”

“Yeah she’s such an innocent.” Ukyo snorted. “Salty taste, she KNOWS what she’s been doing. She woke up half naked!”

“She believes what you told her.” Ryoga growled. “She’s such a trusting girl.”

“Which is why she’s never suspect you were P-Chan?” Ukyo snarled. “She’s an idiot, she practically picked up your discarded pants and put them on!”

“Don’t speak about Akane like that!” Ryoga warned. “I’m sure Ranma knew what he’s been doing. He’s such a treacherous dog!”

“You’re treading on thin ice there hog boy!”

******

Meanwhile....

*******

“So I reckon we ask Shampoo an’ the old bat what they did and they fix it.” Ranma said while helping himself to some of Ukyo’s food.

“I suppose they’ll be a price.” Akane sighed. “Pass over the soy sauce.”

“Yeah a date or sumthing.” Ranma said as he passed the bottle over. “I’ll be prepared, they’re not gonna catch me!”

“Nobody going to catch you Ranma?” Akane laughed. “I wouldn’t get tied down to you.”

“At least I’m not a bad cook.” Ranma laughed back as he saw Akane had accidentally emptied the whole bottle onto her pancake.

“HEY!” Akane snapped. “It was an accident.”

“Clumsy too?” Ranma chuckled. The empty bottle got chucked on his head.

“You left an opening.” Akane said giggling at the lump she’d left.

“That’s it!” Ranma said. “You’re for it!” He pounced at her soy drenched okonomiyaki and held it up.

“No!” Akane squealed. “My dress is already ruined!” She leapt up onto the counter and avoided Ranma’s lunge. He ran at her aiming for her face. Akane jumped again and flipped over his head. Ranma twisted his body, changing direction. He made another leap with the plate. Akane slipped past him again. Ranma growled, he didn’t like loosing. He swung round flipping the pancake up into the air. Akane tripped off the counter and onto the floor as she tried to avoid Ranma. The okonomiyaki landed on Akane’s head with a ‘splat’.

“Hey Akane?” Ranma said as Akane was still giggling.

“I lasted longer against you that time.” She said wiping the sauce from her face.

“Yeah you did.” Ranma said. He was waiting for an explosion.

“I don’t think I’m mad?” Akane said more amazed at herself. “I feel really relaxed and... happy?”

“Weird.” Ranma said scratching the back of his head. “I think you’ve gotten slightly faster. Have you been practising?”

“Um...” Akane pause, she hadn’t really been practising, apart from her jogging or odd brick smashing. “Just the same.”

“Oh well, I still beat you.” Ranma gloated.

“I’m going to get cleaned up.” Akane growled. “Do you know where the bathroom is?”

“Sure.” Ranma shrugged, amazed that he’d survived another close call. *Akane must be in a really good mood.*

Ranma lead Akane through into Ukyo’s living quarters. He’d used her shower room a few times and knew his way around. He opened the door.

“I’ll just go back to the....” Ranma stopped in mid-sentence. They had walked in on Ukyo and Ryoga in a very compromising position. Ryoga was naked and pinned by Ukyo to the floor. He was struggling to get loose as Ukyo was keeping a tight hold of him.

Akane turned round blushing. She didn’t want to see her friend seduced like that.

“Ukyo are you desperate?” Ranma said. “I thought you wanted to wait till you were married?”

Ranma Saotome’s famous ego had risen and spoken. He couldn’t understand how Ukyo, a girl crazy in love with him could fall for Ryoga. Especially to the extent that she wanted to rape him.

“Um, Ranma?” Akane whispered.

“What?”

“RUN!”

“RANMA SAOTOME I SHALL KILL YOU!!!”

“RAN-CHAN HOW DARE YOU!!!”

“Ahh!” Ranma dodged a towel whipped by Ryoga. It smashed through the wall where his head was positioned.

“HABIKI TOWEL FLICK” The naked lost boy yelled. “Prepare to face the deadly Martial art of Towel flicking!”

He produced another wet towel and swirled them both around like nunchucks. He ran after the fleeing Ranma who had decided to move out of the corridor where there was little room to dodge. Ukyo followed Ryoga closely her own spatula had appeared from nowhere and she was determined to use it to flatten Ranma and Ryoga.

Akane hid her eyes as a naked Ryoga ran past her. She didn’t want to see her friend’s particulars.

Ranma leapt up in the air as Ryoga brought down two of his towels. They smashed into one of Ukyo’s table, breaking it in two.

“My restaurant!” Ukyo screamed. “You men are asking for it now!”

“Hey it was your lover boy’s fault.” Ranma said.

A spatula sliced past his head, nearly clipping his ear. Ranma was too distracted by the spatula that he didn’t notice the upper cut from Ryoga’s towel. It flipped and tossed him into the air. Ukyo jumped in with her giant spatula and smacked Ranma to the side. He crashed through the wall into a puddle.

Ranma quickly came back into the restaurant a female. “Hey Akane lets go!” She shouted.

“NO!” Ryoga screamed. He flicked the towels round again. Ranma avoid each strike, until one clipped her ankle. It sent her flying into another table. Ukyo was right on top of Ranma. She grappled Ranma into a hold and threw her into the air. Ryoga then snapped the towel at her. It wrapped around her body and held tight.

*I really have to do something now.* Ranma thought. *I’m really getting bitch slapped.* She pulled back on the towel that held her. Ryoga was swinging his other towel round to strike Ranma.

Saotome spun in the air bringing the towel loose and tripping Ryoga off balance. She grabbed the towel that was around her and held it up high.

“I reckon you should get dressed next time piggy.” Ranma said.

“I can kill you either way!” Ryoga shouted back as he picked himself up. He still had one wet towel for a weapon. He twirled it round into a spiral.

“Just bring it Pork butt!” Ranma-Chan said snapping the towel down on Ryoga’s bottom. “Any martial art you can do I can do better!”

The crack of the wet towel against his naked behind hurt like a whip. Ryoga squealed as he realised his predicament. He grabbed his buttocks in a defensive manner. Ranma combined his roasted chestnut fist with a multiple towel attack. The result sent Ryoga’s skin red raw.

“That’ll teach ya to be naked.” Ranma chuckled. She picked up the other towel and copied Ryoga’s earlier nunchuck technique. Ukyo ran in to try and intercept the attacks. It just ended with Ranma knocking her giant spatula out of her hands. It collided into the wall. Ryoga wasn’t far behind and ended up unconscious beside the spatula.

By this time all the action in the restaurant had attracted attention. Konatsu had arrived for his morning shift and was shocked at what he saw. “Um, Miss Kuonji?” He said. “There’s a naked man on the floor.”

“Not now sugar.” Ukyo said to her friend. “Keep outta trouble!”

Konatsu bowed in respect to his boss and ran for cover. “Hello Miss Tendo.” He said to Akane who was still hiding her eyes. “Having a busy morning?”

“Just slightly Konatsu.” Akane said as she peeked out from under her towel.

“C’mon Ukyo don’t be mad!” Ranma said as he deflected another strike at him.

“Ryoga and I are not having an affair!” Ukyo yelled. “I wouldn’t touch that jackass with my longest spatula!”

“Whatever you say.” Ranma shrugged. “Yo Akane, you coming?”

“We have to head back to the house.” Akane said as she averted her eyes to the floor. “I need to get clean clothes.”

Ranma picked Akane up in his arms. “Yeah sure.” He said. “Thanks for saving our butts Ukyo. I’ll see ya when you’re in a better mood!”

“RANMA!!” Ukyo screamed but Ranma had already leapt out of the restaurant and onto the roof.

“Um... excuse me?” Came a voice.

Ukyo turned to see a woman in the doorway. “Yes?” She spat.

“Is steely buttocks on the menu?” The woman asked.

“WE’RE CLOSED!!” Ukyo yelled.

“Um Miss Kuonji?”

“Yes Konatsu?” Ukyo said managing to smile at her friend.

“What’s going on?” He said quietly.

“Oh, just a little disagreement with Ranma and Ryoga.” Ukyo shrugged. “Listen can you do me a HUGE favour can you follow Ranma for me?”

“Sure.” Konatsu said slightly sad.

“I’ll stay here and clean up all this mess.” She said “Contact me if there’s anything Neko going on with them.”

“Neko?”

“Trust me darlin’ you’ll know when to call me.” Ukyo said winking at the male kunoichi.

Konatsu bowed and stripped off his beautiful flowery kimodo to reveal his ninja outfit underneath. The then cross-dressing ninja ran up on the roof after the disappearing figures.

Ukyo then placed a towel over Ryoga and began cleaning her shop. She worked away, grumbling about pigs, fiancees and dumb misunderstandings.

*******

With Ranma’s help they arrived at the Tendo home and left without anyone noticing. Akane ran outside in her clean yellow dress. “Lets go to the Nekohanten!”

“Right in front of ya!” Ranma said up on the fence.

They arrived at the Nekohanten with plenty of time. Mousse was outside sweeping the front of the restaurant.

“Hi Mousse!” Akane said cheerfully.

“Akane Tendo!” Mousse shouted. “How could you do that to my Shampoo!” He began to make a lunge for a shocked Akane but he was intercepted by a splash of water.

“I believe you two have come for something?” Cologne said holding an empty bucket.

“Hey you old mummy what did you and Shampoo do to Akane?” Ranma said.

“Well I am short two staff.” Cologne said as she placed a struggling duck into a basket. “I don’t give out advice for free.”

“What happened to Shampoo?” Akane asked. “What did my Neko side do to her?”

“So many questions.” Cologne sighed hoping back into her shop. “I only have so much time to spare. I would have more if you two would work for me today.”

“Well okay.” Ranma huffed. “But no funny business.”

“What kind of cold heartless woman do you take me for son-in-law?” Cologne smiled. Both of the teenagers shuddered and backed away.

“Come now no time for ‘hanging out’ as you young one’s put it. Inside chop chop!”

The two trailing in after the elder amazon. Unsure about their fate or what they had gotten themselves in for.

******

Author’s Note: Konatsu is in the Manga, I don’t think he appeared in the anime but I think he’s really sweet if a bit mixed up about his sex.

I had lots of replies for Joseph D. Hale’s question last chapter. I’ll include my theory on the Neko-Ken next chapter. Now I had some reviews I’d like to reply to. All normal people only interested in the story can leave now. Everyone else that actually read author’s note read on!

To Saukraforce: Hi! *waves madly* Glad you followed me from DBZ. Don’t worry if you don’t understand what I’m talking about in the author’s notes. The Ranma world is very large and complex and a lot of butt covering needs to be done to avoid flames of any kind. Just read my reviews to see what I’m talking about, I’m usually talking direct to some person that said something in a review that I’d like to comment on or add my view. (I’m adding a ‘to’ now so people will know.)

To pie: Don’t worry I will update!

To Urazz: I reckon Akane will get better at her martial arts the more she gets into Neko-Ken. Pseudo or not it’s still her that’s doing all the activities. I also love your idea of their children being all embarrassed by them.

To reini: Ew! I don’t think my perverted mind is going there. My god I think I’ve found my limit!

 

Well that’s it for this chapter. Sorry to Shampoo fans that were wanting to see her but she didn’t fit in this chapter. Her fate from the last chapters will be revealed next!