Sailor Moon led her tiny squad through the halls of the Biles Command Center. For the twentieth time, she wished Darien was here. Unfortunately, he was still tied up over a volcano, and she was still trying to rescue him. At least her compatriots made her feel more competent than she normally did. She felt like she was working with the Keystone Sailors... Charon and Dust Particle #56879-IOU were slapping each other around AGAIN, and Sailor Van Allen Belt was getting that gleam in her eye that meant she was about to explode in paroxym of violence. Or at least magnetize Charon's scythe to her tiara again. We need to find something to fight so they can get all their agression out...I've never met such violent people in my life who didn't have claws and fangs, Serena thought. Serena heard ominous music begin to play. Trouble was coming. Soon, they all stopped arguing as they heard the sound of footsteps and a faint bouncing sound. Soon, the first robots came into view. They looked like crude humanoids, as if they had been designed using an Atari 2600. They were a sort of sickly flourescent green and had warped heads. They spoke with a very primitively synthesized voice. "Y.i.e.l.d t.o. t.h.e. p.o.w.e.r o.f G.o.r.f." Sailor Moon blinked. "The power of what?" "G.o.r.f." "What?" The robots simply opened fired and everyone started dodging like maniacs. The robots said in unison, "Chicken. Fight like a robot." For a few minutes there was nothing but dodging left, right, backwards, and forwards, as the Sailors tried to avoid getting shot, all to the constant refrain of "Chicken. Fight like a robot." Finally, Sailor Charon couldn't take it any more. "THREE WORD ATTACK!" she shouted, and lept into the air. She came down on one of the robots and chopped it in half with her sycthe. This acted as a sort of informal reminder to the sailors that none of them were just background characters any more...they could actually DO something. Ignoring the loud bouncing sounds in the background, they went to work and rapidly demolished all the robots, who seemed pathetically slow, with a tendency to chase you back and forth and only shoot if you stopped moving. Finally, they all stopped to relax. "I'm glad that's over," Tuxedo Umino Kamen said. "I was starting to run low on shrimp." Sailor Moon frowned. The music hadn't stopped. It wasn't over. A very loud bouncing noise caught her attention. She saw a huge grinning florescent green perfectly round smiley face bouncing down the hallway, vaporzing whatever it touched. "Uh oh" A voice began singing, "Here comes evil Otto, push the fire button in..." Sailor Charon shrugged and lept into the air, shouting, "THREE WORD ATTACK!" The blade came down and bounced off Evil Otto, who then started bouncing up and down, electrocuting Sailor Charon, who turned toasty charred and passed out. Evil Otto then came after the others. They ran for their lives. They were getting good at that. **************************************************************************** Lemon Sherbet 6: "Too many Generals spoil the..." **************************************************************************** Ryouga and Akane finally drifted off to sleep, exhausted, and Nabiki ran out of tape. "Well, this should make me a nice profit on the Porno market," she said to herself. "Unfortunately, now I'm horny... Everyone's probably asleep by now...Oh well, good thing I recharged the batteries on my dildo..." She packed up the film equipment and turned around, then saw Shampoo. Shampoo said, "Shampoo no can sleep. Too horny. Is airen here?" Nabiki thought for a moment. "How much are you willing to pay?" "Umm...Shampoo not think to bring her wallet." Nabiki smiled and took Shampoo by the hand. "Follow me. I'll take your pay in services." You can guess what happened next. I'd rather not think about it. :) **************************************************************************** Shampoo stormed off the set. "I'm NOT sleeping with Nabiki!" "You said you wanted five sex scenes. This will count." Biles smirked, despite being tied to his director's chair. Dark Queen Urd said, "We need at least one lesbian scene with real girls in it. Besides, weren't the Amazons lesbian? Some of them, anyway." Shampoo frowned. "Not the Chinese ones! Well, not all of us. All the time. Well, I like guys, anyway. Not to mention Nabiki is ugly. If *I* have to sleep with a girl, can't it be someone pretty?" Nabiki glared and developed a red battle aura. "UGLY? At least I don't sleep with a DUCK!" "I don't sleep with a duck! Ranma's the only one I want!" Nabiki waved a tape in the air. "This says differently!" Shampoo chased Nabiki out of sight. Dark Queen Urd sighed. "I'll never get ANY orgasm crystals at this rate..." Good, Biles thought. "Akemi, tell Godai we need a quick rewrite...anything will do as long as it has sex in it." Akemi nodded and called Godai, who sighed and whipped up another scene. **************************************************************************** Rain poured down. Somewhere, a shot rang out. Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared and plundered a small town. Cthulhu lay in his house at R'yleh, sleeping. The stars were not yet right. Stormbringer howled for souls, but Elric ignored it and put it back in its sheath. "Be not!" someone said, and they weren't. I had dinner with Andre, that night, the night the lights went out in Georgia. Pretty soon, it all went to hell in a handbasket. "In the mirror of her dreams, a man rides through," he said. Andre always was the cryptic type. That's why I loved him so. Our love was fresh like a summer day, well maybe a spring day, summer around here is pretty wretched and hot. "I am climbing Jacob's ladder," I replied. It is our wont to converse entirely through literary and musical allusions. "Just another fallen angel, trying to get through the night." He nodded, "Step by Step, rung by rung. These are the days of our lives." Oh, so true. **************************************************************************** Dark Queen Urd said, "That didn't have any sex in it!" Godai said, "Right. I'll fix that." **************************************************************************** So we had sex on the table. **************************************************************************** Dark Queen Urd sighed. "Take him to the Salt mines!" "We don't have any salt mines," Biles said. "We make movies, not salt." "Well...Godai...You've merited a special punishment!" Godai paled. "Wha wha wha..." "DEATH BY SEX!" Godai fainted. "Please, not in public," Biles said. "It's not polite to not share..uh, I mean..." Dark Queen Urd gestured to Freudite. "Take him away and psychoanalyze him while I select someone to administer his...execution." Freudite nodded and hauled off Godai. "Hey, now there's an idea!" Biles said. "What?" "Well, if you let him live...we can use HIM for one of Shampoo's sex scenes..." Dark Queen Urd said, "I'll think about it." "We're also lacking a scriptwriter now." "Fabioite, write us a scene." "A what?" "A scene." "I haven't seen anything." Biles sighed. "Ami-chan!" Ami came up. "Yes, John?" "We need you to write a scene...Heck, you can write your own scene for when you carry out your plan, too." She smiled. "Thanks! This next scene will be great...umm...what is it?" "Indulge yourself." Ami smiled. *************************************************************************** Ryouga woke up. His body was trying to tell him something. Suddenly, he realized he was naked in the bathtub with Akane, and the water had turned cold as it cooled...so actually he was a naked pig with Akane. I've got to find hot water, he thought. P-chan leaped out of the tub and headed for the kitchen. Strangely, the family seemed to have moved the kitchen. Also, the floor was now carpeted...the sinking feeling that he was LOST AGAIN came over P-chan. When he spotted the girl sitting on her bed playing the saxaphone, he knew he was lost for sure. *************************************************************************** Ranma woke up slowly, surprised by how comfortable and warm his futon was. It seemed to have extra spring in it, or something. A few seconds later, he realized there were a pair of breasts pushed into his chest and something breathing very close to his ear. Ranma suddenly realized he was in bed with someone with long hair, which only excluded one likely candidate. Slowly turning his head, he saw it was Ukyou, whose smiling face lay next to his right ear. Concentrating, he now heard cooking noises coming from another room. He looked around the room. Why am I naked in Makoto's bed with Ucchan?, he thought. Did we have...Memories suddenly rushed over him in a wave. He got big, big eyes. Oh god, I slept with both of them last night. Multiple times...Memories of intense pleasure washed over him. Ucchan...what am I going to do? What about Akane...Oh god, she SLEPT WITH RYOUGA LAST NIGHT! I ought to go kill him...Is what I did any different? Ranma sighed. Ukyou stirred. "Hi, Ranchan," she mumbled, then blinked. "Ranchan?" "Hmmm?" "I...is this real?" "Very real. Yes, we really did do ...well, at least some of what you remember doing last night." "Oh, Ranchan!" She hugged him tightly and he hugged her back. "I love you so much, Ranchan." She froze up. "Wait...we're in..." The rest of the memories flooded her mind. "Makochan and I...and you...we all..." Ranma nodded. "I never realized you two were like that...I mean...I don't mind..." The way they were going at each other, and I was going at them...If I was female, would they do that with me? Do I want to ask...they seemed to enjoy it...No, I'm not a girl! I won't do that...Maybe. "You don't...You're not...angry...are you?" Ukyou shuddered. If Makochan walks in...I'd be willing to start that all over again...I've fallen for a girl...I can't believe it...But I still love Ranchan...even more now. We gave each other our virginity. Well, I gave him and Makochan my virginity, in a sense I guess... "No. Surprised...confused, yeah. I'm not angry. At least this means two of my fiancees will get along now." They both laughed. Makoto walked in, fully dressed. "Hello, sleepyheads." She leaned over and kissed Ranma on the cheek, then Ukyou. "Better get dressed. It's cold in the kitchen where breakfast is waiting." They both started scrambling into their clothing. "Makochan...I... umm..." Ranma said. She smiled. "Yes, Ranchan?" "I have to go keep that promise...or something...assuming Akane still wants to...I mean...ummm..." Ranma wasn't sure what to say. Deep down, he felt like Akane should have joined them also...or something. He wasn't sure how they'd take to that. I can't believe she slept with Ryouga, he thought. Then again, I wouldn't have believed Makoto and Ukyou...and me. "Promise?" Ukyou said. "I guess you forgot that...I had to promise to make love to her until she passed out when I came home to get her to agree to not get angry over this...uh...Maybe this all wasn't such a good idea." He sighed. Makoto sat down next to Ukyou and Ranma and wrapped her arms around them. "Of course it was. The answer is we all have to not be jealous of each other." The other two blinked. She continued. "You've got strong feelings for Akane, don't you, Ranma?" "That tomboy? No way!" Gut instinct took over. "If that was true, you wouldn't bother keeping that promise. Not when you've got us." Ukyou was nervous, not sure where this was going. So was Ranma. "I...uh...you...you're not angry?" "I can't speak for Ucchan, but well...if you're with Akane...I have Ucchan all to myself." She smiled wickedly. Ukyou blinked. Makoto slid a hand down onto Ukyou's left breast for just a moment. Ukyou shuddered as she felt her breast tingle faintly. She knew she wanted more. "She won't be lonely, and neither will I. I know you have to work out how you feel about her. I think Ucchan and I need to work out how we feel, too." Ranma got big eyes for a moment. "I just...what am I going to do if I...we...I mean...I don't know if Akane goes for girls...uh, I mean..." "I bet we can change her mind," Makoto said, then couldn't believe she said that. Ukyou smiled evilly. "She likes you, Ranchan...so that's one girl." Makoto blinked. "What?" "He hasn't told you?" "What?" Ranma blushed. "Lemme show you..." He left the room for a minute. Ranko walked in. Makoto blinked. "Ranko where did you...wait a minute..." Ranko was dripping wet, and holding the tea pot from the stove, then...pouring it on her head? With a shudder, she turned into Ranma. Makoto tried not to faint. "I have this little curse, you see..." It was time for explanations. **************************************************************************** Ranma headed nervously into the dojo, carrying a large bouquet of flowers. Makoto and Ukyou had helped him pick them out. He was so nervous, he was about to spontaneously combust. He had no idea what Akane would say...or do...What if she left him for Ryouga? Even harder to imagine was what he was going to do if she didn't...He didn't want to lose her...or Ucchan...or Makochan. How can I possibly feel this way about three women? I'm worse than Kunou, he thought. Nabiki looked up at him from doing leg exercises and smiled. "So are you and Akane going to rut in the dust?" Ranma blinked. "Going to what?" "Make out, go for it, will you nail her, etc?" Ranma blinked again. "You haven't been snorting passion spice again have you?" "No, but I need to know when to ... Well, are you?" Nabiki sighed. I almost mentioned the cameras I've hidden everywhere. This plus the Akane-Ryouga tape should set me up for life. Ranma raised an eyebrow. "When to what?" "I'm supposed to keep people away. Can't do that if I don't know when. I'm being paid...I ought to make sure she gets her money worth." Ranma nodded. "Oh. Umm...where's Akane?" "I found her asleep in the bathroom, so I dried her off and took her to her room so she couldn't drown by accident." "That's good of you." "I do care about my siblings, you know." "I ...right. See you." Ranma headed upstairs. Nabiki smiled. I'll be seeing you first, she thought. ************************************************************************** Happousai sat in his quarters and sighed. He hadn't even gotten one appearance yet in this story. It didn't seem likely he'd be showing up, unless he was willing to accept something disgusting like seducing Cologne. Even a tiny mindless cameo would be nice, he thought. It was then that he heard the running and screaming outside his quarters. He opened his door, curious as to what was going on. A pack of Sailors he didn't recognize ran into his room. "Anywhere to hide in here??" one of them asked. "Umm. I have a closet?" They all piled into the closet, which was about ready to explode. Then the giant EVIL smiley face crashed through the wall after them. It started bouncing off the walls of his room, trashing the place. Do not anger an ancient martial artist and method actor. "Get out of my room!" Happousai said. Evil Otto ignored him and kept bouncing. Happousai threw a happo-darikin at Evil Otto. It exploded and Evil Otto didn't even notice. He tried every Chi attack in the book, and a few that aren't in the book due to decency laws. They didn't work. It seemed that Evil Otto was completely invincible to everything he could think of. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Happousai stepped out into the hallway and used his Martial Method Acting talents to transform into a giant female flourescent green smiley face with a cute red bow on top. 'She' bounced into the room. Evil Otto took one look and took off in pursuit of the cute female. The sailors piled out of the closet. "I guess we ought to go find Charon," Sailor Hermes said. "I'm right here," A now not-charred Charon said. "How'd you get here and get uncharred?" "Continuity error." ************************************************************************** Akane lay in bed, wondering if she had dreamed everything from the previous night. Ryouga was gone...she wasn't in the bathroom...she still felt that glorious warmth, though. It had been so good...if only Ranma had been there...Yeah, like Ranma and Ryouga would ever sleep with her at the same time...I should be so lucky, she thought. Did I really think that? Yes, you did, she thought back. Let's not start this again. Don't forget he said he would come make love to you until you passed out. Wait...did he say he was going to sleep with Makoto and Ukyou? GRRRR. How dare he have two women at the same time when I only had one! One GUY, that is. Ryouga is probably better than him, anyway... She sighed. I still want him...But this probably is the end...We've both cheated on each other...If only I had been more patient...He has them. Why would he want to sleep with me, anyway? I'm nowhere near as cute as them. Ryouga loves me, though. He's always been kind to me. I guess he must have gotten lost again...sigh. There was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" The door swung open. Ranma stood there with a bouquet of flowers, looking very, very nervous. "I...Ranma...for me?" He came over and handed them to her. "I..did you and Ryouga...really?" "Yes. I was so angry...our fight...I wanted to make you jealous...and I always wondered...what it would be like...I knew about the curse." She wasn't sure what to say, how to explain. "I'm s..s...I should have waited until you could join us...I mean...uh..." He blushed. She blinked. "I...you wanted me to be there?" "You're my fiancee..and I l...I..." He gave up trying to talk for a moment. "I want you like I want them...I came back because I wanted to fulfill my promise, not just because I made it." She felt herself flush. "You want me?" "They offered to come help, but I didn't think that was a good idea." They both blushed. He sat down next to her on the bed. He took off his shirt. "I want you, Akane." "What about Ryouga? What about Makoto and Ukyou? What about..." She found herself leaning over to him, pulling him closer to her. "Ukyou and Makoto are...getting to know each other better. I think Ucchan is afraid of this...Makoto encouraged me to come...We've got to learn how we really feel..." His arms slid around her back. One of them slid up inside the back of her pajamas. She shivered. Her arms slid around him, her hands caressing his muscular flesh. He pulled her hungrily into a kiss. Their lips locked together, tongues sliding into each other's mouth, probing and exploring. ****************************************** Insert Typical Ranma/Akane love scene here They strip naked, feel each other up, orgasm orgasm orgasm, yatta yatta yatta. The words "done to death" come to mind. ****************************************** ********************************************************************** Unseen by them, Washuuite was down in the kitchen, with Droid Robbie, busily removing all the food and replacing it with ice cream. Dark Queen Skuld had determined that the dojo was actually one of the important Crystal points, that had to be turned into an Ice Cream Point. Mostly, she sat and typed on an invisible keyboard, while Droid Robbie rolled back and forth on his treads, carrying food over to the Hyperspace portal that now was in the wall, and ice cream into the kitchen. "Now we get to see how well this hypnotic ice cream works," she said. Kasumi walked into the kitchen. "Oh my. Did I make an order I forgot about?" Robby dropped five cans of soup and started to wave his arms about, treading about the room, shouting, "DANGER, WASHUUITE! DANGER, DANGER!!!!!" She sighed. "Will you stop doing that?" Anything bigger than a cockroach seemed to panic this Droid. "Yes. You ordered 100000 gallons of ice cream." Kasumi blinked. "Really?" Washuuite nodded. Humans can be so stupid. "Sign here." She handed Kasumi a reciept. Kasumi signed it. "Would you like some sake?" Kasumi asked. "Why thank you." Distracted by the berserk robot, Kasumi forgot the sake needed to be diluted... ************************************************************************** "So, Condominium Deep Throat, do you understand what you are to do?" General H asked. "Rip off your clothing and make love to you until..." Condominum Deep Throat was a hugely muscled naked man, clothed only in small black squares. Or was she a naked woman clad only in small black squares? Or a naked...let's not think about that. He/She/They kept changing back and forth and it was starting to make General H, a small dweeby looking man in eighteenth century British Officer's formal garb, nauseous. General H sighed. "Not me! And not right now! We wait until they orgasm again, then we get their orgasm crystals!" "And then have oral sex with them?" General H sighed. "All right, you can ask them afterwards, if you want to." Just because my name is H, I get stuck working with these stupid sex fiends...I should have become a dentist like Mom told me to. It is a man's life in the British Dental Association, after all. *************************************************************************** Unbeknownst to Ranma and Akane, who were working on orgasm #2 by now, not only were they being filmed for the benefit of X-rated moviegoers and being watched to have their orgasm crystals taken, but a few other people were watching as well, namely Generals Bailsite and Rachlite. Rachlite and Bailsite could have been relatives...if clothing was genetically induced. They were both wearing standard issue youma general outfits: tight pants, and a wrap around jacket that buttons on the right side with a high collar. His was blue, hers was green. She had shoulder length black hair; his was ash-blonde, slightly wavy and cut short but not short enough for the army. They were the same height, but she had an athletic build, while he looked like weight rooms gave him hives. At the moment, they were lurking in the hallway at the Tendo dojo. No one noticed them, because everyone was too busy peeping on Ranma and Akane, who were making enough noise to hide Rachlite and Bailsite's whispered conversation. Well, Soun, Genma, and Nabiki were peeping. Kasumi was plastered in the kitchen at the moment. "Soon their energy will reach its peak and then..." Bailsite whispered. "You're getting confused. That's Keiichite's schtick." Bailsite shook his head. "Wait, then what are we trying to accomplish." "We're taking notes from them for tonight...oh wait, you mean what Dark Queen Belldandy sent us to do..." He nodded. "Steal everyone's energy while the competent martial artists are distracted making out like weasels." "Right. We'll send the youma to...wait, where's the youma?" "I thought you brought the youma?" "Dark Queen Belldandy's still angry about what happened with the last one..." "A woman's work is never done." Rachlite sighed. She started sucking out Genma and Soun's energy the direct way. "Aren't you going to take Nabiki's energy too?" "She has to be able to answer the phone in the next scene we're in." "Oh." *************************************************************************** Far across town, Ami moaned. She had found that little black pig again. It was covered with dirt in her yard, looking lonely and tired. She wondered what it had been through since it ran away the last time she brought it home, and brought it inside to give it a bath. She needed one herself. To her surprise, the little black pig had certainly perked up when she put him in the tub. He turned into a naked guy. She knew this guy. "Ryouga?" He blushed. She had taken off her shirt and put on a bikini top so she wouldn't get her shirt wet while she bathed him. It was a fairly decent bikini, but it did show off her figure very well. "Yeah, it's me..." he said. "Oh...Akane sleeps with you...in more ways than one, I guess..." "Uh...yeah." She sighed. "No one seems to want me at all...the one guy who ever said he liked me is gone all the time 'cause his father moves around too much." "That can't be true. You're very cute." And very sexy, he thought. You look so much like Akane-chan. He remembered what he had done with her last night and felt himself getting turned on. She loves me, he thought. Ami blinked and blushed, noticing his manhood was getting bigger. I'm turning him on, she thought. She moved a little closer. "You really do think I'm good looking?" He nodded. Her voice was soft and sweet, like Akane. He'd known Ami for about a year, ever since he'd acccidentally wandered into her ski lift at a resort about a year ago. They bumped into each other periodically. If he hadn't been chasing Akane so hard, he'd would have asked her out. She seemed so lonely a lot. He could appreciate that. He leaned closer to her, reached out and took her hand, forgetting he was naked. "I've always thought that, Ami-chan." For a moment, she could hardly breathe, then she leaned forward and kissed him. He blinked and she wrapped her arms around him. She kissed him passionately. He hesitated, then wrapped his arms around her and reciprocated. I can't believe I'm doing this...Finally, he broke off the kiss. "Ami-chan...I..." "If you don't want me...I'll understand," she said sadly. "That's not it! I just...Akane..." He fumbled, trying to figure out what to say. "How could you kiss me like that if you don't...I mean..." Ami shuddered, remembering the kiss. "I...Ami-chan...don't cry..." She tried to pull herself together. Why can't I get a cute boyfriend, she thought. Surely Akane wouldn't mind sharing him with me...I need a partner for that contest too...I bet Ryouga would win...hands down. Down on me, hopefully. "I'll be okay...really." He felt his manhood twitch. Desire was welling around inside him. Suddenly, he had a mental image...a vision of Ranma making love to Akane. Deep down, he knew it was true. No...no..she loved him. She had to...Why would she make love to him if she didn't love him? "Ryouga-kun, are you okay?" Ami could see he suddenly looked very afraid and troubled. "Can I...use your phone?" She nodded quietly and got the cellular. He called up the dojo. Nabiki answered. "Hi, Ryouga." "Is..Is Akane...Did she..." "Yeah, she and Ranma are going at it, just like you and her last night. Oh, and Kasumi is wasted again in the kitchen with some robot and a red-haired woman." Ryouga blinked. "She and Ranma...are really..." "I heard her shouting your name one of the times she orgasmed, though. He didn't seem to mind. Maybe he didn't notice." "Can you...umm...put her on?" This has to be a dream... Nabiki laughed. "Right." A minute later, he heard Akane's voice. "This had better... ooooohhhh....be important." "Akane...are you and Ranma..." "Go ahead, Ryouga, do whatever you like...But you'd better make it back tomorrow so we can...ma..ma...make love again...or...I'll have to sleep with Ranma again..." "Umm...Ami wants to...ah..." "I know her. She's very sweet. You can tell me all...oohhhhhh... about it tomorrow. Make sure she's satisfied. I have to....come now... I mean go now." Akane hung up. Ryouga blinked. "She...wants me to make love to you?" Ami blinked and smiled. "Wow, she's even nicer than I thought. Well, time to give her what she wants." She grabbed Ryouga and pulled him out of the tub and down on top of herself. He dripped warm water all over her as he slowly slid one hand down onto her leg, the other around her back. His hand slid slowly up her thigh, across her still throughly covered mound, up her stomach, finally coming to rest on one of her breasts. She moaned, which is where we came in. Ryouga could hardly believe what he was doing...but if Akane wanted him to make love to her, then he would. Especially since he was increasingly wanting to do that anyway...she really was attractive. He began to slowly fondle her left breast. She moaned again, feeling her nipple arouse as he pinched it through the fabric, then reached behind her and untied her top. The bikini slid off in seconds and he dipped his head down to lick her right breast. She moaned again. Within a few minutes, she was naked, with his hands roaming all over her body. She writhed and moaned. "Ryouga-kun...ohhhhhhhhhhhh" He reached down and took her hand, lifting it up to his manhood. She blushed faintly, realizing she had hardly done anything to make him feel like she was feeling. She began to stroke it, putting to use her reading of the Kama Sutra. Her other hand began to roam his body, stimulating erotic pressure points. All this abstract knowlege was now coming in handy. He began to moan even louder than her. She guided one of his hands to her love mound, sliding it along her slit. Trembling, he took the lead and poked through it slightly. She shook with pleasure, grasping his manhood with a death grip. He gave a great moan. He slid his finger inside her and she moaned more, her juices beginning to flow. "Take me, Ryouga-kun...now...." Oh yes, he thought. For Akane-chan...for myself, for that matter...oh, Ami-chan...He arched over her and thrust down into her. To his surprise, he went right in. She's not a virgin?, he thought. Neither am I, I guess, he thought. She howled and arched her back up to meet him. They started going at it like a piston engine. Right as he was about to come, as she shook and howled with the approaching onset of orgasm, he felt her touch the base of his asoko, right as he started to come. It backed up like some kind of tidal wave hitting a wall. His whole body locked up like he was going into rigor mortis. It was the best orgasm of his entire life, even though he didn't manage to emit even a single sperm. Not that he cared. She exploded. Not literally, though. This is not a snuff film. Her body was wracked by a vast, screaming, frenzied orgasm, that left her exhausted in her wake and howling for more at the same time. Ryouga lay in her arms. He felt all-powerful, like he could shatter walls with his manhood. His forehead felt odd. "What...what was that..." "I got bored one week and memorized twenty tantric sex manuals...That trick is supposed to build up your ki by storing your ejaculate or something. The more you do it, the more power you get." "Anything like that I can do for you?" She smiled. "Let me show you..." She had a lot to show him. *************************************************************************** Akane hung up the phone right as Ranma pierced her again. "Ohhhhh.....I wish people would stop calling me when I...I...oohhhhhh...." "What, this happens oft....oft...often?" he asked. "Who was it?" "I think Ryouga and Ami are getting it on or something...I figured if he was busy, he wouldn't...oh oh o h OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Call me again." Ranma would have replied, but was too busy focusing on trying to make Akane orgasm even harder this time. In fact, he was so busy he didn't even notice... *************************************************************************** Shampoo stormed back in. "Right. I want my sex scene. I want it now." "Hey, we're in the middle of Akane and Ranma's big sex scene! He's about to not notice something!" Dark Queen Urd said. Shampoo grabbed Dark Queen Urd and Biles. "I WANT IT NOWWWWW!!!!!" Biles shrugged. "You want sex? Go get on stage." "This isn't another trick is it?" "Unless Dark Queen Urd is gonna do you herself, you're not getting any until you get on stage." Dark Queen Urd frowned. This amazon had offended her...for the last time. No one touches me without causing an orgasm and lives! "I guarantee you'll get all the sex you want." Shampoo nodded and headed on stage. Dark Queen Urd smiled. "I never said with who..." ************************************************************************** Far off, Shampoo was heading for the dojo, riding her bicycle down the street. Unfortunately, she wasn't watching where she was going. Her destination was the dojo. She was going to finally get Airen to come to China with her. She could sense it, feel it in her bones. Thus, she didn't notice Gosunkugi was trying to practice staff-fighting with Shinnosuke, who was trying to remember why he was making this gratuitious cameo, or why he was training Gosunkugi in staff fighting. He did however, remember how to fight. Sadly, Gos had never known how to fight to forget it. His hands slipped and the staff flew, crashing into Shampoo's head, knocking her out. She crashed to the ground. Shinnosuke and Gosunkugi gasped and ran over to her. "Shampoo, are you okay?" Gosunkugi asked. With some effort, they revived her. "Who beat me?" she asked. "Uh...that was me..." Gosunkugi said. "You...I love," she heard herself saying. She cursed herself, unable to resist someone who beat her...Amazon law dictated she must love and marry such a man...and she could never resist the dictates of Amazon law. She felt her emotions turning and surging, wiping away her rationality. Within seconds, she and Gosunkugi were naked on the ground. Shinnosuke said, "I guess this means today's lesson is over?" It was, but another lesson was just beginning. ************************************************************************* Dark Queen Urd and Biles looked at each other, then both laughed, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "Does this mean I get to be untied now?" he asked hopefully. "No." "Damn." ************************************************************************** Ranma would have replied, but was too busy focusing on trying to make Akane orgasm even harder this time. In fact, he was so busy he didn't even notice Deep Throat and General H appearing in the room. Bailsite and Rachlite, however, did notice. "We can't let them take those orgasm crystals!" Bailsite said. "Why?" "They won't have any life energy worth stealing if that happens..." Rachlite nodded. She did a handstand and teleported, landing behind Deep Throat and General H, then conjured an energy balance beam. General H blinked. "I have a bad feeling." Deep Throat pointed. "Look, their orgasm crystals!" Akane and Ranma were about to have a second orgasm, and to those with eyes to see and a dirty mind, their orgasm crystals were shining brightly. The hardest part about getting them is always getting to them though... Deep Throat lunged forward and grabbed the crystals, thus being hunched over and missing being hit by the balance beam. General H wasn't so lucky. He flew across the room and crashed into the wall. "What the..." Ranma and Akane didn't even notice that now they were stuck on the verge of Orgasm, unable to cross over, simply banging each other harder and harder and harder and harder. Deep Throat was rather deft at his job. She examined the crystals. "Ahh. This boy has one of the three Golden Orgasm crystals! He is one of the keys to the Living Kama Sutra! Hers on the other hand, isn't needed." She stuck Akane's crystal back into her and Akane orgasmed with a great shout. General H turned to Rachlite. "So, you have betrayed us!" "We just want their life energy, not those stupid crystals. But we can get more energy if they still have them." "Crystals are better!" "Life Energy!" "Crystals!" "Life Energy!" Meanwhile, Akane was trying everything she could think of, short of playing Wayne Newton, to get Ranma to come...but he just couldn't. Even playing tiddlywinks with his manhood wasn't working... While Rachlite and General H shouted at each other, Bailsite confronted Condominium Deep Throat. "Hiya, Bails! Mind if I strip you naked and...", Deep Throat said. "NO! I mean YES! I mean, Put that crystal back in Ranma!" "Sorry, can't do that. It's an important one." "Right. Guess I'll just have to blow you to ash." "Yeah, right." Bailsite smiled and snapped his fingers. Nothing happened. Deep Throat laughed. "Ohh...scary." "Look at your hand." Deep Throat did. Bailsite threw an energy parrot at him/her, knocking her/him down. "Geez, you Condominums are stupid..." "Are not!" "Hey, it's Pamela Anderson naked!" Bailsite pointed. Deep Throat looked and Bailsite grabbed the crystal. "Hey!" "Stupid fool, you should have realized she costs too much to appear in this movie!" "Hey, a man/woman/thing can dream, ya know!" Deep Throat shouted back, shortly before Rachlite did a triple flip across the room and kicked Deep Throat the rest of the way across the room. Meanwhile Ranma was howling in frustration as even watching a video of their previous orgasm was unable to assist him in finally coming. Then again, he might have been howling over the amount of money Nabiki was charging them to view the video. General H fired a burst of glowing illegible obscene kanji at Bailsite and Rachlite, who both leaped into the air, letting Deep Throat get blasted instead. His last words were, "Hey, Akane, want me to help you? I took a special course in..." before she evaporated, from his feet up to its head. Akane looked up. "CAN WE PLEASE GET SOME PRIVACY HERE?" "No," General H said. "I'm not leaving until I get that crystal." "Right. Time to use the special attack that flays you alive from the inside out," Bailsite said. "On second thought, maybe I'll come back later." General H vanished in a whirling cloud of illegible katakana. Bailsite walked over and tossed the crystal at Ranma. It remerged with him and he came, spraying onto Akane's hands and moaning a lot. Ranma crumpled up with relief. "Sorry about that...hey, who are these people?" "Don't mind us, we're just here to steal your life force." Bailsite and Rachlite gestured and glowing energy began to flow out of Akane and Ranma. "ACK...can't fight...losing energy...talking..like..Shatner..." Akane said. Ranma tried to get up, then his legs collapsed. "At least...I... got...relief...first..." He passed out. "I'm surprised the Sailor Tenchi didn't show up like they always do," Rachlite said. "Sailor SENSHI, not Tenchi," Bailsite said. "I think they're all...busy, if you know what I mean." "Like we..." "Let's save that for off-screen." They did. ************************************************************************** Dark Queen Belldandy blinked. "My minions...they ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED!" "That was sort of the point of taking over the movie, you know," Dark Queen Skuld said. "Or were you too busy snuggling with General Keiichite to notice?" "I plead the fifth," Dark Queen Belldandy said. "My minions, however, DID NOT WIN!" Dark Queen Urd turned and glared at Biles, who shrugged. "All I can say is that your sister's minions stomped them, not me." Dark Queen Urd turned and glared at Dark Queen Belldandy, who smiled back. "Hey, ya lose some, I win some. Life is good." This was perhaps not the best tactic to take. The riot commenced when Dark Queen Urd picked up Biles, still tied in his chair and threw him at Dark Queen Belldandy. You can imagine what happened next. **************************************************************************** Akane and Ranma finally woke up, exhausted. Luckily, they had not drowned. Ranma gazed into Akane's eyes. "Next time...we do this in a locked vault hidden in the himalayas." "Yeah..." Akane gazed into Ranma's eyes. She had wanted this for so long. Her reverie was interuppted by the sounds of rustling in the hallway. Akane turned to Ranma, "Do you think you could chi-blast the hallway without getting out of the tub, or will this require actual effort?" Ranma said loudly, "Maybe I should just use the roaring lion bullet from here on those burglars out there?" The rustling was replaced by terrified running. Ranma and Akane relaxed, blissfully unaware of the still running camera hidden in the rafters. *************************************************************************