Sailor Van Allen Belt and Sailor Oort Cloud wandered down another generic hallway. Sailor Charon and Sailor Dust Particle #875643-QBERT staggered out a soundstage door, still wearing shades and trenchcoats over their fukus. "Hey, there you are!" Sailor Van Allen Belt said. "Been clothing shopping while WE were fighting evil?" "We just stared in a commercial." Sailor Charon said. "Ooooh...that's gonna help save the hostages." Sailor Oort Cloud said. "Well, Excuse me little miss Perfect. We'd have helped if you hadn't run off and gotten lost!" "Well, it wasn't MY idea for you idiots to collapse the ceiling on us!" Just before another Sailor Brawl could start, three dozen evil salt shakers...I mean trashcans...I mean Daleks rounded the corner. "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!" They began firing laser blasts. "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! REGURGITATE!" The Daleks paused and vaporized their defective fellow. Couldn't do to have someone breaking their rhythm. The sailors took this chance to run. *************************************************************************** Lemon Sherbet Chapter Five: "Whole lotta moaning going on." *************************************************************************** Akane chased P-chan down the hallway. "Bathtime for you! I don't think I've ever managed to get you clean! Now you're going to get a bath if it kills me!" She chased the pig past Ranma, who was sitting and reading some Dragonball Z manga. "Help me, Ranma!" Ranma said, "Your pig, not mine, tomboy." Normally, Akane would have stopped and socked Ranma into the stratosphere for that one. However, today, she was determined to finally give P-chan a bath. While teasing Ryouga was fun, she was feeling increasingly sexually frustrated of late and this would, one way or another, solve that problem. P-chan, naturally, had no idea she knew he was really Ryouga. She sometimes wondered how everyone could be stupid enough to think she didn't know. She had a lot of fun messing with Ryouga's mind like this. P-chan fled down the hallway, his yet human mind in a panic. He turned and bolted outside...uh, okay into the kitchen. He tried to run behind Kasumi and somehow found himself running straight at Akane. Akane grabbed him. "Got ya!" Kasumi said, "Oh my. Why is P-chan running away from you, Akane? Akane said, "I think he knows I want to give him a bath." P-chan squirmed as Akane headed back into the living room. Ranma looked up from his manga. "Jeez, what's the porker freaking over?" "I guess he doesn't want a bath." If he knew what I intend to do, he wouldn't be so resistant. This wouldn't be so much fun, though, she thought. "A bath? You can't give him a bath!" "Whaddya mean I can't give him a bath? Are you saying I'm too clumsy?" Akane growled slightly, a dark cloud passing across her face. Ranma said, "Uh...You can't bathe pigs." "Why?" Akane began looking for something suitable for crushing Ranma that only required one hand so she could keep a grip on P-chan with the other. "It uh...suffocates them. They need mud to cool off in. At least, you can't give them a hot bath." Kasumi leaned her head out the door. "That's right, Ranma. Pigs overheat easily because they can't sweat. If you give him a hot bath, he might get hurt." Akane blinked. Ranma stuck out his tongue at her. "See, I was right!" She grabbed the nearby Shogi table and whapped him out the door and into the pond. Splash! "Then I'll give him a cold bath, you hentai! And don't come peeping, cause I'm gonna take a bath too!" She headed off for the bathroom. As she entered the bathroom, she heard the sound of water running in the kitchen and the distant voice of Ranma shouting, "TOMBOY! Whaddya do that for?" She slammed the door to the bathroom shut. "Stupid hentai. Always picking on me and P-chan. Just because I want my pet piggie to be clean, he has to pick a fight. Sometimes, I think he must be jealous of you, P-chan." Gotta keep up the act, so Ryouga will think this all comes as a surprise, she thought. P-chan bweed happily in Akane's arms. Akane put P-chan down on a towel and ran some cold water into a bucket with some soap. She then methodically cleaned him all over and rinsed him off. "Not as good as a hot bath, but I guess it will do." Taking the towel, she methodically dried him off. He really did need a bath, she thought. I guess it must be hard to keep clean when you've got to avoid hot water in front of people. ********************************** Back in the living room, Ranma fumed. He sat and fumed. Kasumi came out of the kitchen. Kasumi said, "Is something wrong, Ranma?" "That stupid pig is spying on my fiancee again! I mean, uh..." Ranma blushed slightly, realizing how stupid he sounded. Kasumi sat down by Ranma, smiling faintly. "You wish you were in there with her instead of P-chan, Ranma?" Ranma started to nod, then caught himself. "No way I wanna see that tomboy naked! Heck, I've got a better figure than her when I'm a girl! And I'm certainly not jealous of that stupid pig!" He pounded his fist on the ground. "He's just a pig, Ranma. It's not like he cares if she is dressed or not. Haven't you ever had a pet see you naked?" "I never had a pet. And P-chan's no ordinary pet." Ranma glanced back towards the bathroom, straining to hear the slightest odd sound. All he heard was water running. Kasumi blinked. "He isn't? What makes him any different?" "He's not a pig! He's ...uh..." Ranma trailed off. Kasumi blinked again. "He certainly looks like a pig. And I haven't caught him reading the newspaper." Ranma stared at Kasumi. "Like a human? Never mind." Kasumi stared off at the wall for a moment, then turned back to Ranma. "So what do you mean?" "He...he...Baah. I can't say." "Why? He's just a...He's not Happousai in a disguise, is he?" Ranma laughed a little. "Happy tried that once. It didn't work very well. Even Ryouga wouldn't fall for that disguise." Kasumi smiled and stretched. "Oh my, I'm tired. Perhaps I'll take a little nap. Don't worry about P-chan. He's just a little pig. No reason at all to be jealous of him." "I'm not jealous!" Ranma glanced back at the bathroom again. "Then why do you keep looking back at the bathroom?" Kasumi rose to leave. "I ought to just go in there and punt that pig into orbit!" There was a hesitant knock from the kitchen, then Makoto walked in. "Hi, Ranchan. I hope you don't mind I let myself in." "Oh, hi, Makochan!" Ranma perked up. "Wanna come over to my place tonight and watch some movies? Umino and Naru are supposed to come over tonight, and I didn't want to watch them snuggle by myself." "Sure!" Anything to get away from thinking about that tomboy and her stupid pig, he thought. He got up and said to Kasumi, "I'll see you later, Kasumi." Kasumi nodded. "Don't hold supper for you, I suppose?" Makochan nodded. "I've got food ready and everything." "Well, have a fun time! I'm going to go make out with Dr. Tofu." They both blinked. She laughed. "You thought I was serious, didn't you." Ranma nodded nervously. Kasumi seemed to be trying to be a comedian today. "Well, I was going to ask you, but I guess you two will be making out tonight, so..." Ranma and Makoto facefaulted. Kasumi laughed. "I guess the new Sake I bought was more powerful than I thought...Maybe I ought to go take a nap..." "You've been drinking?" "I only had a little. It was some weird chinese brand, and I wanted to make sure it didn't taste horrible or something." Makoto checked the kitchen and found a bottle, then read the tiny fine print in Japanese. "Concentrated Sake. One pint of concentrate will make five gallons of Sake." Ranma blinked. "Oh my. I had about the equivalent of 3 gallons then...wheee!!!!" She promptly passed out. Makoto and Ranma dragged her upstairs to sleep it off. *************************** P-chan sat on his blanket as Akane dragged in and hooked up her boombox and put on a CD. She then started stripping to the music. He stared in shock. He'd seen her strip before, but not like this. Pretty soon he had a little piggie nose-bleed going full force. Finally, she finished, tossing her panties over his head. It took his entire force of will not to pass out. She dumped a bucket of water over her head and began to lather up. P-chan tried not to look, but the temptation was too great. Akane sang a little song to herself as she scrubbed herself clean. She couldn't quite remember all the words, the name of the song, or who sang it, but she liked the sound of it. She looked over nervously at P-chan, who was half-buried in the blanket. Was he chewing on the blanket? This is going to be fun, she thought. I've never done this before...she thought. I hope he's good...She shook with anticipation and felt her body tingle. She finished scrubbing and doused herself with cold water again to remove all the soap. Standing, she stretched, then made her way over to the hot water and sank into it. The heat began to soak into her muscles, relaxing them. Not quite as good as a massage, but it would have to do. If Ranma wasn't such a baka, I could be doing it with him right now...Ohhhh....She moaned faintly at the thought. But if he's going to fool around, so will I! I mean, he's got three fiancees...four if you count Kodachi. Hmph. If I had four fiancees, he'd explode! And I'm supposed to put up with him hanging around with all these other women. Akane fumed, the pleasure of the hot water now serving only to fuel her mental heat. "Baah. I bet he'd flip his top if I told him I wanted to marry Ryouga." She grinned an evil grin. "That would serve him right for being mean to me and my P-chan." P-chan struggled not to faint from shock. She wants to marry me? I...she...Or is she just thinking of things that would make Ranma angry? Akane lost herself in interesting fantasies. "Maybe I should tell him I'm engaged to Ryouga also now. That would show him two can play at the multiple fiancee game! I've had enough of playing second, third, fourth banana. Maybe I'd get a little attention then." Yeah! Then he won't have an excuse to get angry for what I'm about to do, either. For a moment, her conscience tried to stop her, but she brushed it away with thoughts of how good Ryouga would look naked. Her hand slid down and she started to pleasure herself, then stopped. Why do that when I've got Ryouga right here? Should I slip out and get some hot water so I can be hanging around when she comes out? Good idea. This may be my best chance to profess my love! P-chan began to slip towards the window. The motion attracted Akane's attention. "You're not going to run away again, are you, P-chan? Don't leave me alone. I need someone to talk to." Akane said. P-chan froze in his tracks. I can't leave now. She needs me. P-chan sighed a piggy sigh and wandered over closer, but not too close to the hot water. To his suprise, Akane leaned over and picked him up. He squirmed, succeeding only in falling into the water. Splash! The transformation came over him, leaving him butt naked, lying on top of Akane. I'm dogmeat, he thought. He tried to get off her and only managed to tangle his legs with hers and put one hand on her left breast. He bigsweated. She smiled. "I've been hoping for this for a long time...Ryouga-kun." He blinked, tried to speak, and failed. She smiled and said, "I'm yours, Ryouga-kun. Take me...now." He almost fainted, then gave a start as he felt her hand reach up and grasp his manhood. It responded in seconds, swelling against her palm. He moaned faintly. "Akane-chan...I..." She smiled. "Deeds, not words." She pulled him down into a kiss. Pretty soon the sound of moaning was echoing to the ramparts. Well, through the room, anyway. *************************************************** The four fleeing sailors rounded a corner and collided with Tuxedo Umino Kamen, Sailor Moon, Sailor Hermes and Sailor Titan. As they dragged themselves out of the pile, the Daleks rounded the corner. Sailor Moon struck a pose. "Threatening to salt my friends isn't very nice! I will..." She was unable to finish as the Daleks opened fire, and she had to dodge. "Hey, who armed these pepper shakers?" Soon, the Daleks herded the group into a corner. A nearby panel opened. A twisted humanoid, seated in a command chair that bore some resemblence to a dalek floated out. "Greetings sailors. I am General Davrosite." "Hey, I thought you got killed in Doctor Who!" Tuxedo Umino Kamen said. "For that matter, the Dalek homeworld got destroyed too." "I am tougher than the average bear," Davrosite replied. "I merely wished everyone to believe I was dead." Sailor Van Allen Belt slapped her forehead. "Oy. I'm an idiot." "Yes, of course you are. Compared to me, everyone is an idiot," Davrosite replied. Sailor Van Allen Belt smiled. "MAGNETIC ATTRACTION!" All the Daleks suddenly zoomed at Davros, clumping together in a huge magnetized lump. "ALSKDJFKD! I can't aldkjfdj breathe!" He choked out through the pile of Daleks he was now buried under. "Wow, that was really good, Sailor Van Allen Belt! Now I'll finish the job! MOON HEALING ACTIVATION!!!!!" She pulled out the Crescent Moon Wand and waved it around. Waves of energy washed over the daleks, which turned pure white with red hearts on their bumps. Davrosite simply dissolved away. The Daleks dropped to the ground and rushed off down the hallways shouting, "INFATUATE! INFATUATE! INFATUATE! INFATUATE!!!" *************************************************** Makoto and Ranma came into Makoto's apartment. She checked the answering machine. "Hi, Makoto-chan. This is Naru. Umino's feeling under the weather, so we won't be coming. See you next time!" Ranma plopped down on the couch, while Makoto went to the kitchen, and got a big plate of cookies from her cookie tin, two glasses, and a pitcher of lemonade. She plopped down the snacks, grabbed some and sat down next to Ranma. "This fiancee situation is really a mess, isn't it, Ranma?" He nodded and stuffed some cookies down his throat. He drank some lemonade and said, "Yeah. They all fight all the time. If it was just Akane and Ukyou...Maybe I could work something out. At least I'd know the other one would survive my making a decision...Shampoo and Kodachi are nuts..." "Kodachi won't be hurting anyone for a very long time." Makoto said, shifting on the couch a little closer to Ranma, and clicking on the TV with the remote control. Ranma blinked. "How come?" He plopped back on the sofa and spread out his arms on the back of the couch, a move that seems to be instinctive to the male of the species. He was unaware that Makoto was within the area now claimed by his arms...well, in the part of the seat in front of the back area his arms claimed. "She kidnapped me, so my friends had to take her down for the count...Uh, I mean I was rescued by the Sailor Senshi. I...I kinda know them." Makoto leaned back, her pony-tail spilling over Ranma's arm. After much clicking of the remote control, Makoto settled on the Tenchi Muyou TV series. It was a re-run, though. But she'd missed this one while fighting Cardian Mophead. Or was it Daimon Squeeze Toy? She didn't even waste time trying to remember what she'd been fighting at the time. "Aargh...it's really dangerous being around me sometimes, Mako-chan. I tried to come save you, but ...things got out of hand. I'm glad Ucchan and your friends were able to help you, though. Why did she grab you?" Ranma moved a little closer to Makoto, just in case anyone else was going to show up and try to grab her. Yeah, that's it. "Hai. She thought I'd gotten engaged to you or something. She's kinda creepy. Her brother really was kinda nice to me, though. He snuck me in some food. He's really short and ugly, doesn't look like her at all...but..." Ranma blinked. He'd heard Kunou called many things. Short and ugly wasn't him...oh wait, she must think SASUKE is Kodachi's brother. He laughed. "I think that was Sasuke, her personal ninja." "Oh. Well, I was in a drugged haze..." She inched closer to Ranma. If that nut shows up, I've got to be ready to protect him. That nut nearly took us all out...No way Ranchan could stop her. He's a good fighter, but us Senshi, we're the best! Makoto smiled at Ranma. "Thanks for being willing to come over, Ranchan. I spend a lot of nights alone." "After that ...date...I needed a vacation. I haven't gotten to spend any time with you hardly at all, anyway." He blinked. "Don't you have a boyfriend?" A cute girl like Mako-chan ought to have the guys all over her. Hope she says she's free...then I can...what am I thinking? I can't afford another fiancee! "No. Not lately. I've dated a lot...but it never lasts." Either he turns out to be a monster, or one eats him, or he can't stand how I have to vanish all the time, or he's a creep, or he has a girlfriend in Africa, or he gets bitten by a radioactive gopher or something... Makoto sighed. "While you have too many girlfriends." Ranma nodded. "I really need to whittle them down some. Or we could just run away together." I can't believe I said that...Come on...laugh...don't hit me...What if she takes me seriously? Well, that wouldn't be too bad...She's really cute and a good cook and well built...and quite a fighter too from what I've seen...but I can't just leave Akane and Ucchan like that... Makoto blinked. Was he serious? No, I couldn't be that lucky. Might as well play along...see what he does. She leaned over and put a hand on his chest, running it up and down it, while the other rested on his shoulder. Her face moved close to his and she smiled at him. "How about if we just run away to my bedroom?" I can't believe I said that! I meant to say run away right now! "Or we could just stay right here..." Ranma's arm came down around her to his surprise and he pulled her closer. "Do you...mean that, Makochan?" Is she making fun of me, or is she serious? She's gotten so beautiful...Ranma felt his manhood beginning to stir at her closeness. Only the sure knowlege that if he tried anything, one of his fiancees were guaranteed to come crashing through the wall, kept him from ripping off her clothing right then and there. She blushed. I'm always forward, so this shouldn't surprise me...but he's engaged! At least two of them count...I can't...I shouldn't do this to Ranchan...He'll feel guilty afterwards...But I want to...ahh, there's an idea! "Yes, Ranchan. But I know I'm not as beautiful as your other fiancees...I'm so tall and unfeminine and..." Hmm. That's not what I'm supposed to be talking about! What about my brilliant idea? "Yes you are! Don't put yourself down! You're very beautiful!" And very close...and really tall. I really should let go of her. His arm ignored him and pulled her closer. He could sense if they got any closer, her breasts would be pressing into his chest. His other arm swung around her. "Maybe I could call them and get their permission..." Did I actually say that or did I hallucinate that? Get their permission? Yeah, right. "Yeah, that's a good idea." No, it isn't! Well, it'll keep us both from making a mistake. I don't want to mess up my friendship with Ranma...and I think he really does care about his fiancees. At least the sane ones. Reluctantly, she pulled back. "Let me get you the cellular." Ranma nodded. I can't believe I'm going to do this...This is just going to start a riot. Well, it will keep me from trying to seduce Mako-chan again...He stared at the lemonade. "There isn't any of that Sake concentrate in this, is there?" Makoto returned with the cellular. "Here you go, Ranchan. Sake in the lemonade? I only use alcohol when recipies call for it." I can't believe I agreed to let him call his fiancees...I could just kiss him...No, that wouldn't be right! I'm a Senshi. I have to do the right thing, even when I'd rather be making out like a crazed weasel with Ranchan. This will keep me from trying to seduce Ranchan again. Although with what happened at the Pajama party...Ukyou might freak out totally... Ranma called the Dojo first. "Hi, uh, Nabiki...is Kasumi there? I mean, is Akane there?" Makoto waited nervously, listening. "Can you put her on?" At the dojo, Nabiki said, "Can you wait until she and Ryouga finish making out?" Ranma got really big eyes. "WHAT?" "To our surprise, we found out P-chan is actually Ryouga tonight...Akane tried to bathe him...Let's just say they're giving each other a really thorough internal and external cleaning right now..." Nabiki smirked. "I'm filming the whole thing if you want a copy." Ranma stared at the phone. "This is a joke, right?" This couldn't possibly be real. "Okay, I'll get her." Nabiki headed into the bathroom, where Ryouga and Akane were lying in the bathtub together, quite naked. Ryouga was just about to go for orgasm number four of the night when Nabiki shook his shoulder and said, "Phone for Akane." Ryouga blinked, saw Nabiki seeing him naked, and promptly fainted. Akane blushed. "Nabiki-chan...We're busy!" "It's Ranma," she said, shoving the phone into Akane's arms. Akane blushed. All over. What can I say to him, she thought? I've betrayed him with Ryouga...and if I can revive Ryouga, I'm not likely to stop tonight...ohhh, I feel so good and happy all over... If only Ranma was doing this to me...or both of them...maybe Kunou too..and Shinnosuke...who else do I know that's cute? Ack! I'm acting like I'm in a lemon story or something! "Uh...hi, Ranma?" "I...you...uh..." Ranma's brain froze up. Was she really in bed with Ryouga? "Are you...uh...did you really give P-chan...a hot bath?" Makoto stared at Ranma. Why was he so nervous over the fact that Akane gave her pet pig a hot bath? Do pigs explode in hot water or something? "Uh...Yeah. He's Ryouga! He's been sleeping in my bed as my pig all this time! And if we hadn't just had sex four times, I'd probably be really angry with him! As long as he wakes up and makes love to me a few more times, I'll forgive him though. Uh..." I can't believe I said that! At least I didn't tell Ranma I planned this to happen that way... "How are you, Ranma?" Ranma felt anger try to stir in him, but mostly confusion...I've got to be dreaming this...I should go kill Ryouga...I should make love to Makochan...I should call Ukyou and ask if I'm hallucinating... "I..um... Makochan and I were going to have mad passionate sex on her couch...We decided we ought to get you and Ucchan's permission first." Akane felt a boiling anger well up inside her...Ranma was going to sleep with someone other than ME? How could he do that? Then a little voice in her head said, hey Akane, you're sleeping with someone other than Ranma. Shut up! I don't want to be rational! You shut up! You betrayed him! The least you can let him do is sleep around! What? My own thoughts shouldn't talk back to me! How about a compromise? If he promises to make love to you when he comes home, you can let him sleep with her this time. How's that for fair? Then you can finish with Ryouga, and get even more when Ranma comes home! You know he keeps his promises. Good idea! Shake? Shake. Akane shook mental hands with herself. "As long as you swear to make mad passionate love to me as soon as you come home, I don't mind." Ranma stared at the phone. I must be on drugs. He looked over at Makoto. Mako-chan would never drug me. This must be delayed effects of something Shampoo did to me... "Are you really in the bathtub with Ryouga or am I hallucinating? You're not under the influence of any mind-altering drugs, are you?" "No, I'm fine, Ranma. Do we have a deal?" Akane blinked. I sound like Nabiki. Ryouga began to stir. I've got to make this quick. Endless ecstasy awaits. "You really want me to make love to you, Akane?" Ranma had to be sure...Now if I call Ukyou and she's in bed with Tsubasa...then I'll know this is a dream. "Until we both pass out from exhaustion. You're my fiancee. It's your duty." Ryouga looked up, saw Nabiki, and fainted again. "Nabiki, get out of here!" Nabiki smirked. "I'm not leaving without my phone." She hid her camera, which had been at work while Akane talked. These photos should be VERY valuable. Ranma began to wonder if some strange alien had taken Akane's place. "You really want me to?" "Desperately." Why'd I tell him that? On the other hand, I'm probably dreaming all of this...Ranma would never call me on the phone to ask me if he could make out with someone... "Okay. See you later, Akane...-chan. I've got to call Ucchan." I am dreaming this...I have to be. He hung up. "She...She said yes." Makoto blinked. "Really? That's great! Call up Ukyou!" I've got to be hallucinating all of this. Well, it's the most deranged fantasy I've had in a long time. Let's see what happens. Ranma dialed Ukyou's number. It rang and rang. Finally a voice answered. "Hello?" "Uh, hi, Ucchan." "Hi, Ranchan! I'm just beating up Tsubasa right now." Ukyou crooked the phone between head and shoulder and tossed Tsubasa out the window. "You...ah..." Might as well ask. This has to be a dream. "Was he in bed with you?" "Yes." Ukyou said. Ranma megablinked. "Well, he was...the bed. He disguised himself as my bed. Now I don't have anywhere to sleep until I get a new bed..." Not to mention Nabiki just called me and told me P-chan is Ryouga...she must be calling everyone in town. Well, I guess Akane's out of the running. Not that I mind! Assuming I'm not dreaming all of this. "Umm...Would you...uh...I have a...uh...request to make of you..." "Sure, what is it, Ranchan?" "Umm.. Akane already gave her permission for this..but Makochan and I thought I should ask you...it wouldn't be right without your permission...and I...uh...would you...ahh..." I can't say it...I can't say it...Maybe I should put it another way..."You need somewhere to sleep, right?" "Yeah." Is Ranma inviting me to come sleep with him? Oh, yes, please let that be it! I've wanted this for so long! "Are you inviting me to ...come and...sleep with you?" Hey! Good idea! If Akane doesn't mind and she joins us, it can't be wrong! Some tiny part of Ranma's brain tried to correct his logic, but it was too late for that. Mouth was engaged. "Great idea, Ucchan! Come on over and sleep with me and Makochan! I know she thinks you're cute and we're both really horny right now...and I...uh..." I can't believe I said that. Makoto blinked. How does Ranchan know I think Ukyou is cute? Especially when she dresses as a boy...kind of reminds me of Haruka. Makoto got that wonderful warm tingly sensation all over. A threesome? I've never done that before...For a moment, common sense asserted itself. Think about what you're getting yourself into! I should say no...I should...but I won't. Common sense is Ami's department, not mine. "You want me to come sleep with you, Ranchan? YES! YES! YES! YES!" Yes, I get to sleep with Ranchan! Wait...and Makochan...Makoto? Hmm. She is cute. And I like people with pigtails and ponytails...This is kinda kinky...She felt herself flush with warmth. I must be dreaming. Well, if this is a dream, I'm gonna dream Ranchan never ever gets tired out while making love to me...."Give me directions, Ranchan." "Uhh...let me put Makochan on...She knows the way better than me." Ranma handed the phone to Makoto. "You...don't mind if she joins us...do you, Makochan?" I've gone stark raving mad...the world has gone mad... He looked up and down Makoto's lovely body. Insanity is good. ************************************************************************* Dark Queen Urd sat on her dark throne, in the land of Mordor where the Shadows lie...Okay, actually she was on her dark throne in her castle, the Castle of Eternal Orgasm, in the Megamiverse, on a planet that would be called Earth if the inhabitants could ever stop moaning long enough to talk. They were the first civilization ever to have 1000 different words that all mean "orgasm" in English. Yet, all was not well with Dark Queen Urd. General Kinseyite had failed her again. How will I ever collect all of the universe's sexual energy if my servants constantly fail me. It's so hard to get good evil help these days... She stared at the sweating General Kinseyite, who tried to focus past the three women and four men trying to strip him naked when they weren't busy demonstrating twelve positions from the Kama Sutra simultaneously. "So, General Kinseyite. You have failed me again. I will give you one more chance...otherwise, you will be rendered impotent and forced to clean the floors around here..." He bigsweated. "But...no one's done that in over 1000 years! The floors are so sticky that..." "Do not fail me, Kinseyite. I have learned through my...ohh ohhh ohhhhhhh...." She began to moan. General Fabioite was behind her, licking her neck and removing her already scanty evil queen outfit. Kinseyite sweated more and tried to boot away the people pulling off his pants. "Learned what, my queen?" "Someone is about to get laid and...ohohohohohohohohoh!" Kinseyite levitated into the air, losing his pants, but preserving his ability to concentrate at least a few more seconds. "And you want me to steal their orgasm crystals?" "Oh, yes...yes...yes...More! More! More!" Dark Queen Urd writhed at Fabioite's touch. "Who is it?" "His name is...is...ohhhhhhhhhhh...." "His name is Oh?" "Saotome Ranma. Do it! Now!" General Fabioite stripped off the rest of Dark Queen Urd's clothing. General Kinseyite took this as his cue to leave. Hmm. What condomian shall I send on this mission... ************************************************************************* Ranma and Makoto watched TV nervously while they waited for Ukyou to arrive. Ranma had his arms around Makoto's shoulders while she rested her head on his shoulder. "Makochan...is this a dream?" "There was a scene division, so probably not." "What?" Ranma blinked. "Oops, the cameras are running," she said. ************************************************************************* Dark Queen Urd yelled, "CUT!" Fabioite looked up from her bosom and said, "Cut what?" "I meant the film crew!" He turned and massacred the film crew with a blast of off-mauve energy, cutting them into little bits. Biles screamed. "She meant for them to stop the filming!" "Well, this way also works." He went back to nuzzling Dark Queen Urd. Biles cried. "Somebody get a new film crew." "Don't worry," Dark Queen Skuld said. "I had Frankensteinite clone all the technical help, so it doesn't matter how many times we kill them! The show will go on! Lemme go get them out of the refrigerator." Biles cried some more. Once the new film crew defrosted, Dark Queen Urd had them start shooting from the start of the last scene. ************************************************************************* Ranma and Makoto watched TV nervously while they waited for Ukyou to arrive. Ranma had his arms around Makoto's shoulders while she rested her head on his shoulder. "Makochan...is this a dream?" She kissed his cheek. "I hope not. You're not getting cold feet are you?" Ranma checked his feet. "They're pretty warm." She facefaulted. The doorbell rang. Makoto answered the door. It was Ukyou, clad in a trenchcoat, carrying a suitcase and her mega-spatula. "I brought a change of clothing. I hope this place has solid walls..." Makoto smiled. "I made a few calls. No one. I mean no one will be disturbing us." "Are you sure?" "Positive." **************************************************************************** Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Moon stood on top of Makoto's Apartment building. "So she thinks some homocidal maniacs are after her friend Ranma?" Tuxedo asked Moon. "Remember the ribbon weilding maniac? Well, he's got other enemies too. She thinks they may attack tonight. It's so cold up here..." Tuxedo Kamen smiled and pulled his cape around Sailor Moon. "So how much food did she promise you to get you to do this?" "She's gonna make me lunch every day for a month!" Sailor Moon drooled slightly at the thought of all that yummy food. Also, this means I get to be alone with Mamoru all night long! "Are the others in place?" Moon nodded. "Ami and Rei are in place. I think Minako may actually be busy making out with her new boyfriend..." "Now there's an idea." Tuxedo Kamen smiled down at Sailor Moon who smiled back. He swept her into his arms and they did many things that will only be skipped because the next scene also has sex enough for three people. For obvious reasons. ************************************************************************** Ukyou had finished stowing away her stuff in Makoto's guest room, then returned to the living room. "Ummm...." They all smiled nervously at each other. Desire warred with embarrassment warred with wondering when Shampoo was gonna crash through the wall or Ryouga wander out of the closet. "Ranchan..." Makoto and Ukyou both said at the same time. They turned, stared at each other and laughed, then turned and looked hungrily at Ranma. They advanced on him in unison, grabbed him, and carried him to the bedroom. By unspoken agreement, Makoto began to kiss him, while Ukyou undid his pants and slid them off. He ran his hands up inside the back of Makoto's shirt and lifted it up off her, then slid his hands down to undo her pants. She moaned faintly and lifted his hands up instead to rub her breasts. They glided across the fabric of her bra, bringing a rush of tingling sensation in their wake, moving up and down and around. Ukyou moved up Ranma's back, kissing her way up his leg, across his buttocks, then sliding off his shirt and kissing up his back and around to his neck. He moaned, shivering from her kisses. As Ukyou glided around his body, Makoto pushed Ranma back onto the bed, then took off her bra. She pressed one nipple to his mouth and he licked it, then sucked on it gently. She felt it swell and moaned, sliding a hand down to touch his bulging manhood through his underwear. She slid down his body and began to remove his underwear. Ukyou slid off her pajama bottoms and climbed up onto Ranma's chest, sitting on it. She took Ranma's hands and brought them up. He unbuttoned her top and tossed it off. He pulled her down and around, burying his face in her breasts, moving her body perpendicular to hers. Makoto pulled Ranma's underwear off and watched his manhood rise. She bent over it and licked it. It twitched and Ranma moaned very loudly. Needs salt, she thought. Ukyou moaned as Ranma kissed her and licked her breasts, his hands roaming up and down her body. Ranma moaned, feeling his manhood being pleasured, tasting the sweet taste of his oldest friend, smelling her sweet scent, hearing her moan, seeing her writhe with pleasure, groking her gavishny, and a lot of other senses you've never heard of as well. Makoto felt her body flush, then traded places with Ukyou, letting her pleasure his manhood, while Ranma pleasured her, touching her all over her body, except those hard to reach places, like the tonsils. Just show me one lemon story where someone's tonsils get pleasured! See, you can't. Even Caroline's never done that. Soon, both of them were ready to be pierced by the spear of love. The only problem was..."REOIUADIJFDKlskdjflsja, xlikjr?" Ukyou said, forgetting to stop sucking on Ranma's manhood while talking. Makoto didn't even realize that was supposed to be intelligible. "Hey, Makochan...do you have a coin?" Ukyou gasped out, switching to stroking Ranma's asoko with her hands. Makoto moaned as Ranma licked her clitoris. "A coin? Usagi borrowed all my money to play the new Sailor V III Cheese Dip Edition Video Game." What did Ukyou want money for anyway? "We need to flip to see who gets to...first." "Why don't you both...oh yeah..." Ranma groaned, feeling his manhood on the verge of explosion. "Only one..." Makoto and Ukyou both nodded. "You can be first, Ukyou. Since you're the...guest...ohhhhhhhh" She moaned and got out of the way, letting Ukyou climb up over Ranma. She then clambered onto Ukyou's back, stretched her arms around Ukyou and started to stroke Ukyou's breasts. Ukyou moaned loudly, then louder as Ranma stroked her love mound with his fingertips. "Ranchan....Mako...Makochan...ohhhhhh" She felt surrounded by love. Slowly she lowered herself towards Ranma...forgetting to help guide him in, so she simply pushed his manhood to one side. "AAAAAAAAAA" Ranma froze in half-pain, half-ecstasy. Ukyou pulled back up, thanking many workouts for being able to lift herself with Makoto on her back, stroking her fiercely, oh so good.... This time, Ukyou reached out and took Ranma's manhood firmly in hand and manuevered it into place, then let Makoto's weight push her down on it. She felt it rush into her, and through her hymen, going deep inside her. The pain of penetration rushed through her, but it was so fast that ecstasy quickly replaced it. She moaned, feeling Makoto and Ranma's arms wrapped around her body, stroking her all over, Ranma's manhood inside her. She thrust herself down further, trying to absorb Ranma's asoko like some guy eating spaghetti by sucking in the strands. He pushed up to meet her, then pulled back...or perhaps was forced down by the sheer weight of two women on top of him. They moved together, like an unbalanced piston-engine, while Makoto's bed shook like a big hunk of jello your little sister threw a raisin at. Finally, Ukyou felt herself ignite. Her hair was on fire. ****************************************************************************** Biles swore softly. "CUT! CUT!" Dark Queen Urd cackled. "Stupid Sailor Girl! You think you're gonna get an orgasm in my movie?" "She's not a Sailor! Makoto's the Sailor!" Biles sighed. This movie is turning into a bigger disaster than Lemonade. My poor muses. All we can do now is pray the Legion of Substitute Sailors can save them. He thought hard for a moment. We're doomed. "Besides, if no one orgasms, how will you find the Orgasm Crystal of Ultimate power you need? OR have you changed objectives again?" Dark Queen Urd frowned. "Right. Put out the fire and start over. I think we're actually trying to find the THREE Ultimate Orgasm Crystals, so I can become the living Kama Sutra." "And someone get Shampoo off the set with the flamethrower..." Twenty of Dark Queen Skuld's Model 12 Daleks swarmed Shampoo, only to discover they had no arms with which to move her. The usual riot ensued. Dark Queen Skuld resolved to add arms to the Model 13 Daleks. ****************************************************************************** Finally, Ukyou felt herself ignite, with pleasure this time. She moaned and moaned and moaned. Oh yeah, she moaned too. The orgasm rushed through her body like an orgasm. She felt Ranma come inside her, like the Colorado river would if someone drove a Star Destroyer through Hoover Dam. Wait, did I mention the moaning? "Ranchan...I love you, Ranchan..." She melted into his arms. "I love you too, Ucchan." They lay smiling at each other for a long moment. It was at this very moment that an army of berserk cats would have run through Makoto's bedroom, except that they saw Luna instead...Did I mention Luna was in heat? Well, you can guess what happens next... Instead, Ukyou slipped out from between Makoto and Ranma, then climbed up onto Makoto's back and began to do for her what she had done for Ukyou. Makoto moaned at Ukyou's touch, feeling her hands stroking her breasts, massaging her love mound. They rolled over, and Ranma climbed over them, so that now Ukyou was on the bottom, Makoto in the middle, and Ranma on top. His tired warrior of love hung in the air for a moment, then Makoto reached out and touched it. New energy rushed through it. Soon, Makoto and Ranma had reached an even higher state of arousal than before. It was at this point that the army of berserk female alleycats was scheduled to run through the bedroom, except that Artemis was...well, Artemis. That took care of that problem...The paternity suits were another matter. Letting her guide him, he plunged down into her, driving even deeper than before...being taller, there was was more space for him. He plunged into her and she arched up to meet him. They began to shake the bed again, moaning with pleasure. Ecstasy filled them as they headed towards greater ecstasy. Makoto moaned. Oh, yes, this is so wonderful...I want to please him...This has to be the best orgasm of all time...the very best...ohhhhh. Her prayers were answered, because this was the episode she was scheduled to recieve a powerup. Everyone else except Minako had already gotten theirs. Not that this one would be used in combat too much. She moaned. "Jupiter Supreme ORGASM!" A sheer wave of pleasure rushed out of her body and through the room. Ukyou orgasmed as it struck her. Makoto howled as five simulatenous orgasms rushed through her body in defiance of...something. Ranma came three times and Ukyou orgasmed two more times. For a moment, they all locked in a position that would have been really embarrassing if anyone had been watching besides the entire audience, the film crew...well, if anyone in the story had been watching. Luckily, Nabiki was busy filming Akane and Ryouga going at for the...again. By this point, Nabiki had lost track. Finally, the orgasms stopped and Ukyou, Makoto, and Ranma collapsed into the softness of the bed. "Wow..." Ranma said. "Was that tantric magic or something? Can we do it again?" They did it again and again and again and again. Meanwhile, somewhere else, Shampoo wasn't getting any, nor was she likely to. Not while I'm writing this story. ****************************************************************************** Shampoo grabbed Biles, who didn't do anything since he was still tied into his director's chair. "Yes, Shampoo?" "If Shampoo doesn't..." She stopped. "If I don't get a sex scene...no...five sex scenes, I'm going to KILL YOU!" Dark Queen Urd shook her head. "Torture yes, kill no. We need him or the budget will be cut and we won't get to finish this." "Shampoo will dress you as Shampoo and let Mousse in room with you if...AAARGH! I'm doing it again. Well, you get the picture, Biles." Shampoo said. Biles paled and bigsweated. "Okay. You want a sex scene? You got it. You want Five? You got it. You've gotta wait until we finish this big sequence though." Shampoo nodded. "Okay. I'll need to go to costuming anyway." She walked off. Biles smiled. I never said with who, hehehehehe, he thought. ****************************************************************************** Unbeknownst to them, Condomian Madonna and General Kinseyite were in the apartment across the street from them, watching them through the window. "Hmm. Three orgasm crystals. Dark Queen Urd will be proud. Hopefully these interfering Sailor Scouts won't show up." "Sailor Senshi, sir." Comdomian Madonna smiled. She was blonde, with short curly hair, and the kind of figure that only Anime characters and Barbie dolls can have without breaking their spine. She was wearing just enough clothing to keep her R rating. "Right. Go in there and take their orgasm crystals." "Don't we have to wait for them to..." "They're at it for the fifth time....They can't keep this up all night. Probably." "What about the couple on the roof?" "What couple on the roof?" She pointed at the top hat protruding over the roof top. "I keep hearing moaning and there's a hat bobbing up and down." "I'll deal with them myself. If we come back with five crystals, Dark Queen Urd will be well pleased. Perhaps one of them might even be..." He did not dare say it...even thinking of it seemed to draw down those wretched Baylor Sprouts...uh, Saynomore Scouts...Tailor Senshi? Whoever they were. He vanished in a spray of 300 page reports on sexual behavior. As always, Condomian Madonna wondered where he got so many of those to use as his teleportation special effect, then she teleported to the busy bedroom. ************************************************************************** As Condomian Madonna appeared in the bedroom, Makoto and Ukyou and Ranma were engaged in something that resembled a perverted game of Twister as much as it did sex. Makoto was talking into a star shaped watch apparently getting instructions from someone on something called, "The Cat and the Monkey make Time with the Starfish" from the Kama Sutra, as being told to them by whoever was on the other end of the line. Ukyou and Ranma were tied in a knot around her body, all of them busily fondling each other in ways that seemed to defy the laws of physics. Condomian Madonna blinked and wondered for a moment if she'd accidentally teleported home. Luckily, they were too distracted to notice her. Soon, Makoto finished the instructions and the three of them began moaning loudly in unison. They writhed and fondled and licked and kissed and did a lot of other things only really describable in a language specially designed for describing sex. Ukyou was the first to come, screaming and clutching Ranma's nose and Makoto's left leg. As Condomian Madonna watched, Ukyou's orgasm crystal glowed brightly, not that she could notice, being too busy feeling universes exploding inside her. Condomian Madonna darted forward to reach into the tangle and grab it, only to have the threesome twitch so that she ended up grabbing Makoto's left breast instead. I think I'm going to be in trouble now, she thought. Makoto blinked, feeling another hand grab her. There's already four hands on me, and I know I'm not grabbing myself. She spotted Condomian Madonna. "Do I know you?" "I'm uh...your new neighbor...Can I borrow some milk?" "Planning to squeeze it yourself?" Makoto felt anger welling up in her. What a rude neighbor! Wait a minute...Her new neighbor was almost butt naked too. Great, my neighbor's a pervert... "No, no, just go back to what you were doing...I'll uh...get it from your fridge." Why am I wimping out? I'm a Condomian! No one makes me submit but a Dominatrix! "On second thought...SUBMIT, PATHETIC HUMANS! TO THE POWER OF THE MEGAMIVERSE! I HAVE COME TO TAKE YOUR ORGASM CRYSTALS FOR DARK QUEEN URD! AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME!" She began to laugh maniacally. Ranma growled. "I don't like being interrupted, especially when it took us twenty minutes to just get into the starting position! Do you know WHAT I DO TO PEOPLE WHO INTERFERE WHEN I'M HAVING SEX?" Makoto blinked. No, Ranma! She's too dangerous! I've got to handle this...Uh oh, my transformation pen's in my pants pocket...halfway across the room... Madonna blinked. "I...uh...no...I don't...uh..." "Neither do I. It's never happened before, actually." Everyone facefaulted. Once they recovered, Makoto dived for her pants, grabbed them, and pulled out the pen. While she was diving, Ukyou grabbed her spatula, and Ranma lept at Madonna feet first. Madonna caught him and flipped him over her into the wall. "HAHAHAH!!!! You pathetic people can't hope to defeat me! Not to mention you weren't even doing that position right! The guy is supposed to be the starfish, not the monkey!" Ukyou growled. "What, you watched the whole thing and didn't even tell us we made a mistake?" She leaped at the creature, pounding it into the floor with her spatula. Madonna pulled herself out of the floor. "SHI NE!*" *As in DIE! in Japanese, not as in get bright :) A blast of energy blew Ukyou across the room, out the window, and across the street into the apartment Kinseyite and Madonna had observed the room from. Ranma got up. "NOW YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!" Madonna tossed Ranma a 10 yen coin. "There ya go." Ranma howled with rage. Meanwhile, Makoto held up her transformation pen. Ranma will know who I am...but I don't want to keep secrets from Ranchan. There won't be enough of this Condomian to tell anyone anything after I'm done with her. Condomian Madonna began singing "Like A Virgin" as she casually chased Ranma around the room, trying to blast him. "JUPITER STAR POWER, MAKE UP!!!!" Makoto went through her standard transformation sequence, with one major difference...she was still butt naked at the end of it except for her tiara. Her discarded clothing on the floor had become her senshi uniform, though. Jupiter sighed. Well, I think my security deposit's already toast... "Sparkling WIDE PRESSURE!" A mighty blast of lightning formed into a disk and struck Condomian Madonna, flinging her out of the apartment, through the window, and across the road into the observation apartment. Jupiter ran, and leaped out the window across the street, followed by Ranma. As the legion of naked people leaped across the street, Sailor Mercury looked up. Hmm. She spoke into her communicator. "Venus, you help Jupiter, Mars, let's you and I go save Sailor Moon." Venus's only response was a loud moan of pleasure. Mercury rolled her eyes. "Look, no making out with your boyfriend while we're on duty! A real threat has shown up!" Venus sighed. "Right. Steven, I'll be back in a few minutes. Gotta go bail out Jupiter. I'll get right on it, Mercury." Mercury sighed. I knew something would happen tonight besides Makoto getting laid. Again. I really need to get a boyfriend. Hmmm... *************************************************************************** Condomian Madonna turned to face her opponents. "So, you think you have me trapped, eh?" Ukyou, Sailor Jupiter, and Ranma nodded. "Yes." Condomian Madonna looked around, then realized Ranma had landed by the door to the hallway. She was trapped. "Well, you'll never take me alive!" Sailor Jupiter shrugged. "I can't think of anytime we've ever taken anyone alive." Madonna laughed nervously. "Umm. Look! Over there!" She pointed. They laughed. "You think we're stupid?" Ranma said. "Your fly's open?" Ranma instinctively looked down, then realized he was butt naked. Too late. Condomian Madonna fired a stream of brightly colored records at him as "Like a Virgin" played in the background. He collapsed. At this very moment, Sailor Venus leaped up through the hole in the wall into the room. "I am the lovely Sailor Warrior Sailor Venus! I fight for love and justice! In the name of Venus...wow! What a hunk! Your boyfriend's a major babe, Makoto!" She stared at the naked unconscious Ranma, trying not to drool. "You've already got a boyfriend! Keep away!" "He's even hunkier than mine!" While Sailor Venus and Sailor Jupiter squabbled, Condomian Madonna turned to face Ukyou, who was trying to cut her in half with a spatula. The two of them dueled for a while, leaping around the room. Well, actually, Condomian Madonna ran for her life while Ukyou swung at her wildly. "Well, we had five orgasms!" "You think that's great? We had six! No, seven!" "I don't believe it!" Ukyou and Madonna sprinted between the Sailors, who kept arguing. "So, we're going to have to have a duel, then?" "Agreed! Whichever one of us comes the most times in say..an hour?" Jupiter nodded. She and Venus shook hands. Ukyou and Madonna turned to them. "Are you two finally finished?" Venus nodded. "Yep. VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!" A beam of hearts shot out and entangled Condomian Madonna. "Um, can I sing one last song before I go?" She said. "Only if it's a death march!" Ukyou hammered down her spatula on Madonna's head. Madonna dissolved away in a spray of cheesy special effects with a final moan. "She died from a head blow? In...dust?" "They always do that. Don't feel bad. They tend to be okay, okay, crumble to dust. You'll get used to it." Venus said. "This is gonna happen again?" "To quote Ranger Rick, 'You can count on that!'," Jupiter said. Ranma moaned, sat up, saw Venus and had a full body blush. "AAAAHHH!!!!" Venus smiled. "Hi, gorgeous. What's your name?" "Get away from my fiancee!" Venus realized for the first time that Ukyou was both present and naked. "Fiancee? What about..." She looked over at Jupiter who blushed. "Now I know why you kept after Haruka.." Jupiter now had her own full body blush. ***************************************************************************** Up on the rooftop, reindeer pause; down comes good old Santa Claus. Oh wait, wrong rooftop. On this rooftop, Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Moon had decided that if Makoto was getting some tonight, so would they. They could count on Mercury, because she was dedicated, and Mars, because she had no boyfriend, to keep watch. Right now, about all they had on was Tux's cape and his hat. Oh yeah, Usagi had her tiara and gloves on too. Everything else was scattered about the rooftop, not that anyone could see much of what they were doing through the cape. Tuxedo was just about to go down on her when a shadow fell across them. They didn't notice. Kinseyite watched for about thirty seconds, expecting them to notice him, but they were too busy getting it on. He snapped his fingers. They didn't notice, but Usagi did whisper something to Tuxedo Kamen. Kinseyite said, "Ahem! I'm here to kill you." Sailor Moon said, "Harder! Harder! OH YESSSSSSS!!!!!" Tuxedo Kamen said, "For Love and...oohhhhhhhhh" Sailor Moon laughed. "That's my line, Mamo-chan." "I said, I'm here to kill you!" This was worse than talking to Dark Queen Urd, Kinseyite thought. They orgasmed instead of saying anything. Kinseyite sighed. "I guess I'll just have to take you unawares...I suppose that would be a good idea, actually." Sailor Moon blinked. "Did you say something, Mamo-chan?" Tuxedo Kamen said, "I think I may have to defeat you again..." She giggled. "Right. I'm going to kill you now." They ignored him. "Look! How can I kill my greatest enemies if I can't even get your attention?" Sailor Moon mumbled something about her nipples. Kinseyite sighed. "Here goes..." He posed for exactly 12.3 seconds, then said, "DEATH BY STATISTICS!" A stream of scientific research surveys on sexuality poured from his hands, glowing with dark negative energies the likes of which the world has only seen a lot of times in past episodes. A bright flare of fire vaporized the blast, burning the reports to dust. "I am the Lovely Soldier Sailor Mars! I'm feeling extremely sexually frustrated right now, so I'll punish you in the name of MYSELF!" Mars struck a pose. "Just be glad I'm not suffering PMS right now too!" "And I'm the Lovely Soldier Sailor Mercury! I may not be getting any right now, but I have a plan to fix that! I will punish you in the name of Mercury!" Mercury struck a pose. Sailor Moon looked up. "Just remember you can't have my Mamo-chan!" She noticed Kinseyite. "Hey, where'd he come from?" Kinseyite frothed. "I'll destroy you all!" "Can you handle this guys? Mamo-chan and I are busy." Mars sighed. "Get up and fight, Moon! We're not here so you can get laid!" "I'll make it up to you later, Mars-chan," Usagi said, winking. Mars blushed. "Don't talk about that in public, Usagi!" Mercury looked over at Mars. "So that's why I heard..." "WILL YOU ALL BE QUIET?" Mars screamed. "The silence of the dead. Sounds good to me," Kinseyite said. Am I forgetting something...oh wait, I need to get orgasm crystals...Maybe I should encourage them. "I'll be quiet, but only if I get to watch you two." Mars said, "Thanks. When we're going at it, I'm the one who makes the noise...Uh..." She blushed again. "I'm not performing for you, Kinseyite!" He sighed. "THen I'll just kill you all!" Dark Queen Urd's face appeared in the air. "Kinseyite, I want orgasm crystals, not corpses." They looked up at Urd. Sailor Moon said, "You weren't...ah... watching me and Mamo-chan the whole time were you?" Dark Queen Urd said, "Tuxedo Kamen, next time, don't rely so much on just stimulating her..." Her voice dropped to a whisper and the hologram of her head moved to speak into his ear. Tuxedo Kamen blushed. Dark Queen Urd said, "Kinseyite. Condominium Madonna has failed. You have failed. I'm afraid you're going to have to clean the floor with your tongue now." Everyone tried not to vomit. "Give me one more chance!" Dark Queen Urd considered it. "Convince Mars to sleep with you, and I'll let you live." Kinseyite looked at Mars. "But she's not my type!" "Bring me the golden fleece." "Didn't Jason already take that?" "Right. I'll just kill you then." He winced. "The floors it is." He vanished in a spray of sexuality reports. Mars turned to Mercury. "So what is this brilliant plan of yours?" Mercury smiled and started whispering to Mars. ***************************************************************************** A few hours later, Makoto, Ranma, Ukyou, Steven, and the Sailor Senshi finished repairing the wall of Makoto's apartment. "Thanks for helping out, everyone!" Makoto said. "I made us all some snacks." Everyone immediately fell to pigging out. Ranma said to Ami, "You really look a lot like Akane..." She smiled. "Is Akane your sister?" Ranma blushed faintly. Ukyou laughed. "She was one of his fiancees." Ami blinked. "One?" Makoto nodded. "He's got two real fiancees and also a crazed maniac after him. There's there's this chinese girl who thinks she has to marry him and kill me cause of some silly laws." "Who's your other fiancee, Ranma?" Ami asked. He smiled faintly. "Ucchan here." Ami thought about it for a minute. All three of them were butt naked when we met them, so he was probably sleeping with Makoto and Ukyou. Hmmm... "Why isn't your other fiancee here? Or does she not like threesomes...I mean foursomes...I mean, ah..." Ami blushed faintly. So did Ukyou, Ranma, and Makoto. "Umm. She said it was okay...She was ...umm...naked in the bath with another guy and..." Ranma couldn't quite say it. If he actuallly said it, he'd have to go beat up Ryouga, and if he stayed, he'd likely get to sleep with Ucchan and Makochan some more. "So this guy likes Akane? Is he as good looking as you?" Ami felt a wicked idea coming on, tried to supress it, then decided that if all these new friends of Makoto were this horny, it might be worth trying. "He's not bad looking, really. Has a few problems...but nothing hot water can't fix." He laughed. Everyone else just stared as they had no idea what he was talking about, except Ukyou, who smirked. Minako sidled over to Makoto. "So when do we have the duel?" "Hmmm. Schedule it for a week from now? I'm sure we'll both want to practice." "Duel?" Ami asked. "Sexual endurance contest." Ami blushed. "Oh my..." **************************************************************************** Eventually, everyone went home, except Makoto who was home, Ukyou who was going to stick with Ranchan, and Ranma, who was feeling up to a few more hours of Mad Passionate Sex. I could detail it all, but that's what the Kama Sutra is for, ne? Not to mention there's a lot more sex scenes to come...