<Never Met A Girl Like You Before, Imperial Records Soundtrack> 

     Ryouga opened the door and walked into the dojo.  Strangely, it 
seemed to have shrunk, and now was some girl's bedroom.  She had a 
computer on her desk and a big bookshelf of books.  Several sailor senshi 
pictures lined the walls, especially pictures of Sailor Mercury.  There 
was a nice soft bed with blue sheets and several teddy bears hanging out 
on it.  

     Of course, the way he could be absolutely certain it was a girl's 
bedroom was that the girl was sitting on her bed, half-naked, on the 
verge of taking off her bra and putting on her pajama tops.  She was 
Ryouga's age, with a slender body and dark blue, almost black, hair, cut 
short like Akane's.  Indeed, in a poorly lit room, she could be easily 
mistaken for Akane, until you realized she had a slender, rather than 
athletic build.  

     Ryouga recognized her.  He had wandered into this room by mistake 
before.  This was...

     Mizuno Ami looked up, then blushed.  Ryouga spun about, reminding 
himself not to gaze on her like that when she was only half dressed no 
matter how much he enjoyed doing it.  It just wasn't right.  His delayed 
nosebleed kicked in now and he said, "I'm REALLY sorry, Mizuno-san."

     She sighed.  By now, she was well aware of his problems.  He was a 
really nice guy.  They'd had some long talks.  She thought he was really 
cute, but she knew he was devoted to this Akane person he always talked 
about.  Too bad, really.  Ami finished putting her shirt back on.  "Lost 
again, Ryouga-kun?"

     "I really thought I'd made it to the dojo."  He turned and looked.  
Somehow he had gotten into her closet without even noticing it, then 
walked out.  How do I do this, he wondered.

     How does he do this, she wondered.  It's always right as I'm 
undressing too...or trying to study...or some other time I don't want to 
be interrupted like when Urawa and I were...she blushed.  I haven't seen 
him in so long...

     "I didn't mean to walk in on you like that..."

     "I know, Ryouga-kun.  Don't worry about it.  I'll make sure you get 
home.  Just try to be more careful."

     "I will."  

***************************************************

Lemon Sherbet Chapter 2
"That's Entertainment"

***************************************************
<Music Cue:  The theme song from Transformers, Stan Bush>

<Storage Room #5>

     Serena and her tiny band of often underemployed minor characters 
stood in the hallway by storage room #5.  She had assembled Naru, Umino, 
Daisuke, Sayuri, Amano Akemi, Yuka, and Hiroshi.  Umino had dressed up in 
his Tuxedo Umino Kamen outfit.  Everyone tried not to laugh too hard.

     Serena opened the door.  Storage Room #5 was a maze of shelves and 
crates, with everything from alien fetuses to love potion #9, to Jimi 
Hendrix's napkin he used at Burger King one time to a completely 
functional, if totally useless, Gilligan robot.  

     They began wandering through the room, looking for a box labelled, 
"Don't open this or I'll kill you."  

     Naru walked past a rack of spears labelled, "Longinus' spear, 
Gungnir, Rhonoghymant, Bubba..." and a small cathedral built from allleged 
splinters of the true cross.  "Hey, look guys!"  She pointed at a stuffed 
Hello Kitty.  "I guess we know what happened to her..."

     While Umino was examining the alien fetuses, labelled, "Property of 
Department of Defense.  Do not eat.", Hiroshi found a box labelled, "Pure 
evil.  Do not open."  Of course, he opened it.  No one ever really reads 
warning labels.  His scream drew the others, who could hear "I love 
you...I love me...Let's sing this eternally..." echoing from the box.  A 
purple hand was beginning to reach out.  Everyone screamed.

      Finally, Yuka pulled herself together and dropped a handy firkin of 
neutronium into the box.  The hand sunk out of sight and she closed the 
box.  They left Daisuke there for the moment, babbling something about 
"the great purple one who sleeps on PBS'leyh."

     Finally, behind the flubber and two shelves down from the car engine 
that gets 1000 miles to the gallon, one shelf up from the Ark of the 
Covenant, they found the box they were looking for.

     Everyone looked at each other, afraid to open it.  Finally, Naru 
said, "Serena, you're the superhero.  You open it."

     "What if he kills me?"

     "HE SAID TO OPEN IT!"

     Serena sighed.  "MOON PRISM POWER!"  She transformed into Sailor 
Moon.  "Just in case we run into another...thing..."

     Everyone looked over at the EVIL box, especially Daisuke, who shuddered 
again.  Sailor Moon reached out and opened the box.  Inside were ten 
unsharpened pencils with large metal stars attached to one end.  Inside 
was a piece of paper.  Sailor Moon read it out loud.  "Transformation 
Pencils, from MacGuffin Industries.  To use, hold it into the sky and 
shout out the first command phrase that comes to mind.  No refunds.  For 
more information, call 913-555-Info.  Do not put in your mouth or use as 
a swizzle stick.  Yes, that means you, Shin-chan"

     Sailor Moon distributed the pencils.  "I guess these are for you guys."

     "Oh wow!  We're gonna get to be superheroes!"  Naru said.  

     Each of them nervously took their pencils.  "Who goes first?"  Umino 
asked. 

     "Everyone do it at once so we can have a cool multi-transformation 
sequence!"  Sailor Moon said.  

     They nodded.  "DUST PARTICLE POWER!"  shouted Daisuke.  He turned 
translucent and his clothing ripped off and reformed.  He reappeared in a 
black sailor fuku with white trim and a white skirt.  The tiara on his 
forehead had a black opal set in it, with a tiny white speck in the 
center.  Sailor Dust Particle #87645 blinked.

     "FRIED SHRIMP POWER!"  shouted Umino.  Nothing much visible 
happened except his transformation pencil turned into a cane and now his 
tuxedo fit better.  Tuxedo Umino Kamen blinked.

     "MAGNETIC FIELD POWER!" shouted Yuka.  She rose into the air, turned 
translucent and was surrounded by a glowing field of ions.  Inside the 
glow, her clothing transformed into a blue sailor fuku with white trim.  
A tiara appeared on her forehead with a blue gem, inlaid with a red 
atomic symbol.  Sailor Van Allen Belt blinked.

      "COLD COMET POWER!"  shouted Sayuri.  She rose into the air, 
surrounded by a field of rapidly moving giant chunks of ice.  Inside the 
glow, her clothing transformed into a white sailor fuku with blue-green 
trim.  A tiara appeared on her forehead with a black gem with many little 
white spheres inlaid in it.  Sailor Oort Cloud blinked.

      "CHARON MOON POWER!"  shouted Hiroshi, who rose into the air with a 
tiny little chunk of ice no one could see without a telescope in the 
background.  He soon found himself wearing a green sailor fuku with black 
trim.  A tiara appeared on his forehead with a little boat symbol on the 
green gem set in it.  A scythe appeared and he grabbed it.  Sailor Charon 
blinked.

      "TITAN TITAN TITAN POWER!"  shouted Amano Akemi.  In a blinding flash, 
she transformed.  Now she wore a blue sailor fuku with a yellow picture 
of the planet Saturn sewn over the right breast, with yellow trim.  A 
golden tiara on her forehead had a blue gem with another yellow Saturn 
set into it.  Sailor Titan blinked.

      "HERMES TRISMEGTUS POWER!"  shouted Naru.  She rose into the air.  
Tiny wings appeared on her shoes, which transformed into boots.  Her body 
became translucent, and her clothing shredded and reformed into an almost 
exact duplicate of Sailor Mercury's costume, right down to the same 
symbol on her tiara.  However, she now had a winged hat on her head 
also.  Sailor Hermes blinked.

     Sailor Dust Particle #12457 and Sailor Charon looked at each other 
and laughed.  "You're in a sailor fuku...I'M IN A SAILOR FUKU!  
AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!"

      Everyone else laughed.  "I think you look kind of cute,"  Sailor 
Moon said, then fell down laughing.

      Pretty soon, a Sailor Brawl began...


 ***************************************************

<Music cue:  Elvis is Everywhere, Mojo Nixon>

     Makoto knocked on the door of the Tendo house.  Kasumi answered the 
door.  "Hi, Kasumi!  Is Ranchan home?  A bunch of us are going to the 
movies tomorrow night and I wanted to see if he wants to come..."

     "Come on in, Makoto-chan.  Oh, his mother is here, by the way.  You 
know how it goes."

     Makoto didn't, but she smiled and nodded and came in.  Kasumi said, 
"They're in the living room."

     Makoto headed into the living room.  In the living room were three 
people she didn't recognize.  One of them was a beautiful woman with her 
hair in a bun, wearing a kimono, with a large bundle strapped to her 
back.  The second was a red haired girl with her hair in a pig-tail, 
wearing a blue T-shirt and jeans.  The third was a handsome boy with long 
brown hair, in a boy's school uniform.  He was somewhat bishonen in 
appearance.  

     The woman said, "Well, Ranko, so this is your fiancee?"

     Ranko, the red-haired girl, nodded nervously.  "Yes.  So you really 
don't need to find me a good husband, I'll be just fine."

     Makoto stood silently in the doorway, looking up and down the boy.  
He was very handsome, she thought, almost as handsome as Ranchan...Looks 
like he's taken too, though.  She sighed.  Does everyone in this town get 
engaged by 16?, she wondered.  

     "So your name is Kuonji Juyza?"

     The boy nodded.  "I'm Ukyou's twin brother."

     Makoto blinked.  Ukyou...wait, wasn't Ukyou one of Ranchan's 
fiancees?  Who are these people, anyway?  What are they doing at 
Ranchan's house?

     The door from the porch opened and Mr. Saotome could now be seen 
standing there with a look of abject fear on his face.  Makoto said, "Hi, 
Mr. Saotome!  Where's Ranma?"

     Mr. Saotome bolted out of Makoto's sight.  The woman spun to the 
open door.  Ranko winced visibly, as did Juyza.  There was a loud 
splashing sound outside.  Ranko said, "I'm sure Makoto must have made a 
mistake, Auntie Saotome.  Ranma and Mr. Saotome left early this morning 
for a training trip."

     Juyza looked up and down at Makoto, clearly appreciating her looks, 
or so Makoto thought.  Makoto looked back at him, frankly appreciating 
his looks.  He blushed slightly.  

     Makoto said, "So Ranchan is gone on a trip?"

     Ranko nodded, nervously.  "Yeah.  He told me to tell you that.  You 
are Makoto, right?"  For some reason, Ranko had her hand on the back of 
her head.

     Mrs. Saotome turned around and said, "No one there but Mr. Panda.  
So you're Kino Makoto?"

     Makoto blinked, then realized what had been said earlier.  "You're 
Ranma's mom?"

     She nodded.  "He used to mention you in the letters he and his 
father wrote.  I came by hoping to see them, but they're gone again..."

     Ranko sighed.  "Sorry about that."

     "It's not your fault.  Well, since my son isn't here, would you 
three like to go out to eat with me?  At least you can tell me about my 
son if I can't see him."

     "Sure!"  Makoto said.  Maybe I can get to know Juyza a little 
better.  I wonder who this Ranko is anyway...She's really cute though.  
She looked up and down Ranko's body, appreciating it, then caught 
herself.  What am I thinking?  She's a girl!  An awfully cute girl, 
though...What a hot couple.  Makoto whapped herself mentally.

*********************************************************************
<Song:  There's a tear in my beer, Hank Williams, SR. and Jr.>
     
     A meal later, Makoto had gotten to know all three of them a little 
better.  Jyuza and Ukyou apparently ran an okonomiyaki shop together.  
Ranko was Akane's cousin, a martial artist, and clearly rather a tomboy.  
Both of them were very good looking, although Makoto tried not to think 
about the fact that Ranko was.  Mrs. Saotome seemed to be very sad.  She 
hadn't even realized Ranma's mother was still alive.  To not see your 
child for ten years.  She felt really sorry for her.  

     "It's getting rather late,"  Mrs. Saotome said.  "Should you call 
your folks and let them know where you are, Makoto-chan?"

     "..."  Makoto hesitated.  "Kind of hard to do..."

     "How come, Makoto?"  Juyza asked.

     "They're dead."  She said flatly.  

     All three of the others blinked in astonishment.  "They're...dead?"  
Ranko said quietly.  "I'm sorry."

     "Who are you staying with then?"  Mrs. Saotome asked.

     "I've been living by myself basically for about three years now.  
Theoretically, I live with my uncle, but he's gone about fifty weeks of 
the year.  Pretty much I can do whatever I want."  She sighs.  

     Ranko reached over and squeezed Makoto's hand.  "I'm sorry for you, 
Mako-chan..."

     "Thanks, Ranko."  Makoto sighed.  "They died right after Ranma and 
Genma left town.  I was really lonely for a long time...I got in a lot of 
fights too.  I ended up getting thrown out of a lot of schools until I 
finally found some friends who helped me through it."

     Ranko sighed quietly.  Mrs. Saotome said, "If you ever need any 
help, you can come talk to me.  You went through a period all by yourself 
when a girl really needs a mother."

     "Thanks, Mrs. Satome.  I really don't have any adults to talk to ever."

     "You can call me Auntie Saotome, Makoto.  Any friend of Ranma's is a 
friend of mine.  Besides, he used to write about marrying you some day in 
the letters he wrote me."

     Makoto blinked.  Ranko choked on her food.  Juyza glared at Ranko.  
Makoto said, "He did?"

     "I doubt he was very serious...but his father would try to 
scratch it out...I suppose he thought he'd caused enough trouble with 
all those engagements already...what do you think of Ranma's fiancees, 
Makoto-chan?  I haven't really gotten to see any of them except for Akane."

     Ranko shifted nervously, while Juyza twitched quietly.

     "Well, I don't know much about Ukyou, but she seems alright from 
what little I know of her.  Akane seems like a nice person, but she can't 
cook very well and she's somewhat violent.  At least she isn't out to 
kill me like Shampoo is."

     Mrs. Saotome blinked.  "She's out to kill you?"

     "I broke Amazon law or something.  I can handle her though.  She's 
not as tough as she thinks she is.  I'll be okay, Auntie Saotome."

     Juyza blinked.  "I've tangled with her.  She's a good fighter."

     "I took her out with one blow.  I wasn't impressed."

     "But why does she want to kill you?"  Mrs. Saotome asked.

     "Amazon law says that outsider women have to die if they defeat 
Amazons, Mo..Auntie Saotome,"  Ranko said.  "While they have to marry 
outsider men who beat them.  That's why she's after Ranma."

     Mrs. Saotome frowned.  "I see there are many things to be settled 
here."  She got up.  "Well, I should be heading home.  It's been nice to 
talk to you all.  I'll probably drop  by in a few days again.  Nice to 
meet you, Makoto-chan."

     "It's been really nice to meet you!"

     Mrs. Saotome got up and left.  Ranko sighed loudly once she was out 
of sight.  Makoto looked at her watch.  "Ack!  I've got to go!  It was 
nice meeting you two!  I hope I get to see you again some time!  Tell 
Ranchan to call me!"  She sprinted out.  Maybe Ranchan can help me get a 
date with Juyza...even if he is engaged...I like him.

*****************************************************************************
<Command center>

     Biles said, "So what are your evil, maniacal goals anyway?  I can't 
see how corrupting my production will give you ultimate power or 
whatever."

      Dark Queen Skuld said, "I want to spend your special effects budget 
on giant robots."

      Dark Queen Belldandy said, "My goal is to drain enough life force 
that I won't pass out everytime I cast a stupid spell!  I'm sick of 
passing out just because I altered a seam with magic!"

      Dark Queen Urd said, "I don't really have much of a goal beyond 
vast quantities of illicit sex.  Hmm.  I could steal orgasm crystals!  
Yeah, there's a good idea."

      "So you can trade them in for some new sex toys?"

      "So I can have the ultimate orgasm or something.  I'll figure out 
some goal.  That'll do for a start."

      "So will you release the hostages when the movie is over?"

      "Maybe after we finish the six sequels we have planned,"  Dark 
Queen Skuld said.

      Biles groaned.

*****************************************************************************
<Song cue:  Holding out for a hero, Bonnie Tyler?>
          
     The next day, Makoto was on her way over to Ranma's house to pick 
him up for the movies.  I hope Usagi isn't late meeting us...I hope Ranma 
likes my friends.  Of course he will!  They're great.  I should have seen 
if Juyza could come...Then I could flirt with both of them!  She giggled. 
I'm so wicked.

     She was completely oblivious to the fact that a purple-haired woman 
with twin bonbori was stalking her.  Well, until suddenly she heard 
motion, looked up and spotted two bonbori descending for her head.  

     She jumped back and Shampoo narrowly missed knocking her for a 
loop.  Shampoo quickly got back up into a fighting stance.  "Shampoo not 
need additional tomboy trying to take her Ranma!"

     "YOUR Ranma?  Since when did he sell himself to you?"

     "Plus you defeat Shampoo, so Shampoo must kill!"

     Makoto laughed.  "Oh, I'm shaking."

     Shampoo charged forward.  Makoto clipped her in the nose, but she 
smacked Makoto in the head and the gut.  A down and dirty brawl followed, 
in which it became pretty clear that Makoto was out of her league.  This 
girl is really good, Makoto thought.  I must have gotten lucky last 
time...I don't think I'm gonna win this one unless I transform...but then 
she'll know my secret identity...

     She jumped back to avoid a blow and tripped, falling down.   Shampoo 
smiled and stalked towards her, bonbori raised high.  Suddenly, a small 
object flew between them and embedded itself in the concrete.  It was a 
small spatula.  Makoto instinctively looked up, thinking, since when does 
Tuxedo Kamen throw spatulas?

     It wasn't Tuxedo Kamen.  It was Juyza..."Shampoo, you know Ranma 
isn't going to like this.  Now back off!"

     Shampoo growled, "Go away, spatula girl!"

     Makoto blinked.  Girl?  She looked again.  No, that's clearly a 
boy...Sounds like Juyza too.  She scrambled to her feet.  "I don't want 
to fight you, Shampoo..."

     "That's cause Shampoo going to stomp you flat, and you know it!"

     Makoto growled.  I don't have to put up with this...She put up her 
fists as Shampoo started to advance.

     Juyza sighed and muttered something under his breath, then leaped 
down and picked up Makoto, then leaped back to the rooftop and bounded 
away, roof to roof.

     "Hey, I didn't need a rescue!"  Makoto said.

     "I told you she's a good fighter.  How hurt are you?  Should I take 
you to Dr. Tofu's?"  Juyza said.

     Makoto snuggled up to him.  He must be incredibly strong to be doing 
this, she thought.  I guess being saved can be kinda nice.  "I'm fine, 
Juyza-kun.  So how long have you and Ranko been engaged?"

     "Umm...well, you see..."  Juyza began nervously.  Makoto noticed he 
had just looked down her shirt, though he was trying not to...not to be 
obvious anyway.  

     Makoto kissed Juyza on the cheek.  "I think you're cute too."  She 
smiled.  Juyza tried hard not to faint.

     Juyza landed on the Tendo roof.  "I...how did you know I 
was...thinking that?  You don't ...read minds do you?"

     Makoto laughed.  "Any girl worth her salt can tell when a guy thinks 
she's cute."

     Juyza blushed more.  "You are cute...but...umm...You see, Ranko and 
I made a little fib..."

     "Hmm?"

     "You see, I'm really just Ukyou...We told Mrs. Saotome that so she 
wouldn't try to hook Ranko up with anyone..."  Ukyou sighed.  Why is this 
girl getting to me like this, she thought.  I almost didn't tell her...I 
almost kissed her back.  I must have put the wrong stuff in the mix for 
lunch or something...I'm acting like Haruka...

     "Oh, you're like Haruka?"  Makoto asked.  

     Ukyou started.  "I...you...you know Haruka?"  If Makoto was like 
Haruka, finding this out wouldn't stop her.

     "She's a friend of mine!  She's REALLY cool.  But she's already 
dating someone...I mean...I'm sorry I kissed you."

     "I don't mind.  It was nice of you...I mean, I'm not angry.  Umm.  
We'd better go down and see if Ranma is ready to go..."  She leaped down 
to the ground, still carrying Makoto, who sighed.  

     Makoto thought.  Ukyou is cute, boy or girl...what am I thinking?  
Well, she is.  Not quite as cute as Ranchan, though...

     Ranma blinked.  "Ucchan, why are you carrying Mako-chan?"  

     Ukyou blushed and put Makoto down.  "Shampoo attacked her, I had to 
bail her out."  I'm not sure why I bailed her out, Ukyou thought.  I just 
felt...an instinct drawing me there, like I had to save someone.  Not to 
mention she is cute...

     Ranma sighed.  "Sorry about that.  She likes me...but if she thinks 
anyone is after me..."

     "Well, let's get going!  We need to get to the movies before we end 
up later than Usagi usually is..."

     "You don't mind if Ucchan comes, do you, Makochan?  Akane wanted to 
come too, but she's too sick to go anywhere."

     "That's fine!  Let's get a move on!"  They rushed out of the house.

***************************************************

     Ranma, Makoto, and Ukyou got off the bus at the Green Willows 
Theatre.  Rei, Usagi, Mamoru, Naru, Umino, Minako, and Steven were 
there.  Makoto did the round of introductions thing, which took a while.  

     "So what are we going to see?"  Ranma asked.

     "How about Ghost Riders of the Viridian Sage?"  Rei suggested.

     "How about Love Train to Paradise?"  Usagi suggested.  "It's got 
that hunk in it!"

     "Which one?"  Makoto asked.

     "The one with the dreamy eyes!"  Usagi said.  Mamoru frowned 
slightly.  

      Minako smiled.  "Better not make him too jealous!"

      "Yeah, meatball head."  Rei said.  "Who wants to watch a stupid 
love story?"

      "Who wants to watch a stupid ghost story, pyro?"

       They soon were going at it hammer and tongs.  Ranma leaned over to 
Makoto and said, "Feels just like home."

      Makoto laughed.  So which one of them would be Ranma and which one 
Akane, she thought, then collapsed laughing.

***************************************************
<Music cue:  Nature Trail to Hell, Weird Al>

     After much arguing, they finally settled on Muppet Hellraiser, an 
American parody of horror movies.  After only a half hour at the 
concession stand while Usagi picked out enough food to last most people 
until the twenty first century, they finally managed to get into the 
viewing room and sat down.  

      Ukyou plopped down on one side of Ranma and Makoto sat down on the 
other side of him.  At the far end of the line, Umino and Naru sat down 
together and started necking immediately.  Rei carefully positioned 
herself so she could throw popcorn at Usagi, while Usagi sat next to 
Minako and Mamoru.  The overall arrangement was :

Aisle Ukyou Ranma Makoto Rei Mamoru Usagi Minako Steven Naru Umino Mo' folk

      Steven took his cue from Naru and Umino, who were busy licking each 
other's necks by the time the previews had started, and started snuggling 
intensely with Minako.  Usagi did her best to ignore them and sat 
munching out as the previews rolled.  Mamoru alternated between passing 
Rei popcorn to throw at Usagi and eating it himself.  Rei decided to wait 
until the movie started to start throwing popcorn.  Makoto leaned over to 
Ranma and whispered, "So what do you think of them?"

      Ranma blinked.  "Of who?"

      Makoto laughed.  "My friends."

     Ranma shrugged.  "They seem to be rather...umm...affectionate with 
each other."

      Makoto looked over and blushed.  She hadn't thought about how this 
would likely become a making out session.  Okay, she had thought about 
it, but not with everyone else doing it too.  I'm not gonna get very far 
with Ranma with Ukyou here...I'm not sure how interested Ranma is 
anyway...I think I like him...a lot, but I'm not sure how he feels... 
Makoto sighed faintly.  Looking over, she saw Ukyou had taken Ranma's arm 
in hers.  Should I?, she thought.  Well, it can't hurt to try.

      Ranma got a little tenser as Makoto wrapped her arm around his 
right arm and leaned closer to him as the opening sequence of the movie 
started.  His whole body shivered slightly as he became very aware of how 
close Ukyou and Makoto were to him in the dark and as he thought about 
what everyone at the other end of the line was doing.  He glanced over 
and saw Steven and Minako busily french-kissing.  His mind flooded with 
mental images of him leaning over and kissing Ukyou like that, images 
which he banished, only to have them replaced by mental images of doing 
the same thing with Makoto.  Practicing the disciplines he had taught 
himself, he cleared his mind and thought about martial arts.  He slowly 
felt his desire ebbing away, so he opened his eyes and started actually 
watching the movie.  
     
      Gonzo and some chicken were making out in an abandoned house, 
having ignored the "warning--Demon Crossing" signs on the driveway and 
the headless corpse on the porch.  Ranma relaxed.  Even Happousai 
couldn't get aroused by something like that.  As the creepy music began 
to play, Ukyou and Makoto's grips on his arms tightened.  He blinked 
audibly and wondered how anyone could get scared during this silly 
movie.  A shadow moved on the wall behind Gonzo, a figure with a floppy 
hat and an axe.  Suddenly, the axe came down and almost beheaded the 
chicken.  The cry "Bork Bork Bork" rang out and the Sweedish Chef came 
into view on the screen.  Gonzo screamed.  Makoto and Ukyou both shrieked 
and tried to bury their face in Ranma's chest.  Sadly, there wasn't room 
for both of them.  Their heads collided with a solid THUNK and they both 
passed out, draped over Ranma.  

      Rei looked over and pouted, seeing two women draped on Ranma.  How 
come I NEVER get any, she thought.  I can't even make out with...aargh, 
maybe I should have invited Yuuichiro.  No brains, but he is a good 
kisser.  Looking around idly, she noticed a fairly hunky guy wearing a 
bandana on his head coming down the aisle.  Hmm, maybe I could hit on 
him, she thought.  He is kinda cute.

      Ryouga glared around the movie theatre.  How DARE Ranma go off on a 
date when Akane was sick!  Not only two timing her, but doing it when she 
was ill!  How callous!  He finally spotted Ranma.  What!?  Ranma has TWO 
women draped all over him, Ryouga thought.  That CAD!  "RANMA SAOTOME!   
YOU SHALL PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO AKANE!"

     Rei blinked.  This guy knows Ranma?  Mamoru glanced over, then went 
back to watching the movie.  Usagi ignored the oddball screaming and kept 
eating.  Steven, Minako, Umino and Naru had achieved a level of 
consciousness where petty things like screaming just couldn't intrude.  
Makoto and Ukyou started to stir.  Ranma, on the other hand, was far more 
aware of what was going on than he really wanted to be.

     "I haven't done ANYTHING to Akane!  I'm just trying to watch a 
movie!"  Ranma said.

      "Exactly!  Only you could be so evil as to do that!"

      Rei tried to figure out Ryouga's logic and failed.  Ryouga whipped 
up his umbrella to an en garde position and leaped to the attack.  Ryouga 
quickly moved Ukyou and Makoto over, dumping them on Rei, who yelped.  
Ryouga's blow crushed Ranma's chair to splinters.

      Usagi reached for another handful of popcorn.  

      Ukyou felt a warm body tangled with hers.  Mmmm, this evening must 
have gone better than I hoped, she thought.  I wonder where Ranma and I 
are snuggling.  Better to just enjoy it while it lasts.  She wrapped her 
arms around the nice warm body, pulling it closer.

      Makoto felt a warm body tangled with hers.  Mmmm, this evening must 
have gone better than I hoped, she thought.  I wonder where Ranma and I 
are snuggling.  Better to just enjoy it while it lasts.  She wrapped her 
arms around the nice warm body, pulling it closer.

     Three things broke the reverie.  Multiple bandanas wizzed by them 
and were casually deflected by a few roses thrown by Mamoru, who then 
went back to watching the movie.  Ukyou reached up to stroke Ranma's hair 
only to find she was stroking hair in a pony-tail, not a braid.  Makoto 
realized she was embracing someone with breasts.  She and Ukyou opened 
their eyes and stared at each other, embarrassed.

      Makoto wondered exactly what had happened and how embarrassed she 
needed to be, as did Ukyou.  They simply held each other for a few 
seconds, until the sounds of fighting sank in.  Turning and looking, they 
saw Ranma and Ryouga dueling back and forth on a row of seats like it was 
a fence.  A bunch of people were hurling popcorn at them and yelling at 
them to sit down.  Then Rei said from under them, "I can't breathe!  Get 
off me, you idiots!"

      Makoto and Ukyou scooted over into the next seat.  Rei glared at 
them.  "I didn't know you two were like that!"

      Makoto and Ukyou blushed and leaped away from each other, with the 
unfortunate effect that Ukyou ended up in Rei's lap.  She finally 
snapped.  "I have had...ENOUGH!"  She slugged Ukyou and a proper brawl 
got started.  Mamoru picked up Usagi and the food and leaped into the 
next row to get out of the way.  

      Makoto waded in and started trying to seperate Ukyou and Rei.  
Ukyou was getting pounded hard, since Rei was stark raving berserk and 
Ukyou couldn't manage to get any of her spatulas out.  Rei started 
screaming about the wrath of the spirit world as she tried to throttle 
Ukyou using Ukyou's long hair as a garrotte.  Finally, Makoto managed to 
pull Rei off of Ukyou.

      Ukyou coughed.  "Thanks, Makoto."

      "Please, you can call me Makochan.  I guess this makes us even."  
Makoto bonked Rei gently on the head, knocking her out.

      Ukyou glanced over at where Ranma and Ryouga had just leveled 
another row of seats.  The audience was beginning to flee.  Now the doors 
of the theatre opened and Kunou charged down the aisle.  "Foul treacher 
Saotome!  To go and date with other women when the beauteous Akane is 
ailing is vile beyond the measure of man!  I shall punish you!"

     The exit door opened and a fragile looking, slightly creepy young 
man dressed in black, with a pair of candles in a headband on his head, 
and a hammer and voodoo doll in his hands stumbled in.  "There you are, 
Saotome!  Running off on Akane while she is sick!  Take this!"  He nailed 
the voodoo doll to the nearby row of seats, which yelped, and suddenly 
sprouted a head that looked like the head of a cute girl.  "Ukyou-sama!"

      The wall burst open and Shampoo and Mousse erupted through it.  
Shampoo shouted, "Shampoo here to date with Ranma-groom!"  

      Mousse shouted, "There you are, Saotome!  I cannot permit you to to 
date with Shampoo!"

     "HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"  erupted from the rafters.  Black roses 
began to rain down from above, along with Sasuke, who had slipped from 
his hiding place.

     Ukyou sighed.  "You can call me Ucchan, Makochan.  I hope you fight 
well, 'cause I think the beatings are about to commence."

     They were.

***************************************************
<Burning down the House, Talking Heads>


      The group staggered out of the movie theatre as it collapsed behind 
them.  Naru finished adjusting her shirt so it would not be obvious that 
someone had been roaming around the inside of it with their hands and 
hide any obvious hickeys.  Ranma staggered out with Makoto and Ukyou 
propping him up.  Rei, Mamoru, and Usagi quietly tossed Kunou into a 
handy dumpster.  Ryouga was now lost inside the theatre in pig form, the 
sprinkler system having gone off.  Shampoo-neko and Mousse-duck were also 
stuck inside the theatre.  

       Ranma clutched his head.  "Owww, my head HURTS!"  

       Usagi smiled.  "That was a really great movie!  I'm glad we went 
to see it.  So shall we do this again next week?"

       Ranma looked over.  "There was a movie?"  He fainted.  Ukyou and 
Makoto picked him up the rest of the way.  

       "I guess we'll have to take him home,"  Makoto said to Ukyou.

       Ukyou nodded.  "Follow me.  Nice to meet all of you!"

       "Nice to meet you too!"  Usagi said.  

 ***************************************************

     Ami sat at her computer and cursed silently to herself.  I missed 
the movie for this?  Stupid thing hasn't found anything in hours of 
searching.  Where are all those youma hiding, anyway?  Everyone's having 
fun at the movies, while I sit here and look for a bunch of stupid 
monsters.  They're probably all making out with each other.  Well, except 
Rei cause she doesn't have a boyfriend either.  Too bad we're not 
lesbian.  Then we could date each other.  She considered that option for 
a moment, then decided even if she was lesbian, she wouldn't be quite 
that desperate.

      Too bad this thing can't find me a boyfriend...hey, now there's an 
idea!  She quickly typed in a program and the computer whirred to life, 
zooming in on progressively smaller segments of its internal map.  Four 
locations were homed in on.  

Potential Boyfriend Report:

Richard Beaubien
Current Location: Canada.

Yusaku Godai
Current Location:  Maison Ikkoku

Kurenai Tsubasa
Current Location:  Vending Machine #7, Kyo Mall, Tokyo

Hibiki Ryouga
Current Location:  Cinema 4, Tokyo

Gosunkugi Hikaru
Current Location:  You don't really want to know

      More names and locations whirred by.  Ami blinked.  "Hey, I know 
Ryouga!  And that's the movie theatre where everyone is!  I knew I should 
have gone!  Well, I'm gonna head over right away!"

      She grabbed the computer and ran out the door.

***************************************************
<Baby Love, the Supremes>

     P-chan finally picked his way out of the rubble of the theatre.  He 
blinked, seeing his friend Ami nearby, looking into her rather large 
compact.  He bweed to get her attention.

     Ami saw the pig.  "What a cute little pig!"  She picked him up.  
"You can help me try to find Ryouga-kun, piggie."

     P-chan blinked and stared at the monitor.  It was showing a map of 
the area, with the theatre circled.  The map was zooming in, finally 
encircling the little tiny Ami on the screen.

      Ami frowned.  "It seems to think this pig is Ryouga....sigh.  I 
wish I knew where he was."

     P-chan stared at the machine.  It knew he was Ryouga.  But how?  And 
where did she get this?

     Ami searched aimlessly for a while.  "Well, I guess he isn't 
here...I should have known it couldn't be THIS easy.  Well, let's go 
home."  They did.

***************************************************