Cold Weather & Hot Water! Part 2
Author:
Disclaimer: I don't own Ryoga Hibiki, Nabiki Tendo, Kasumi Tendo, or Ranma 1/2 in general. There IS NO Hottie Chocolate Aphrodisiac but in case one ever does come around, I don't own that either. Oh! And I regret nothing!
A/N: This is the only sequel chapter I'll write to this. (Unless you pay me or unless I feel inspired) Remember those embarrassing terms and the disgusting slang I didn't wanna use? The reason for that was I wanted to reflect that Ryoga and Nabiki were both very much idiot virgins under the influence of malicious (and delicious) hot chocolate. But now I'm gonna use em (while trying to keep a straight face) because it's harder than you think to not use them at all.
Grimm: Get it together people, last shoot then we pack up the set and burn it!
Kasumi: Yay! I love to start fires! The little people in my head say that it's good to start fires!
Grimm: . . . okay. C'mon Ryoga, get to work, we've got a deadline.
Ryoga: Aaaawww man, I wanted this to be a series not a two part fic! I wanted to have sex with Nabiki again and again and again!
Grimm: (whacks Ryoga on the head with a foam baseball bat) Pervert! Anyway that's what "Charlotte's Web" is for.
Nabiki: Can I have that bat when your done with it Grimm? (Takes the bat and whacks Ryoga)
Ryoga: What was THAT for?
Nabiki: It NEVER happened, it was just work, just a fic.
Ryoga: . . . eh, you're cute when you smile.
Nabiki: Thank you. (Whacks Ryoga again)
Ryoga: Damn! It worked for Ranma!
Ranma: I only made you think it did.
Nabiki: (whacks Ranma with a real bat) That's what you get for lying to my snuggle-bunny!
Grimm: . . . yer what?
Nabiki: hmm . . . (whacks Grimm with a real bat) C'mon people, clear the set, let's get this over with so Kasumi can set her fires!
Kasumi: Burn baby burn!
Grimm: But Before we do that . . . there are some people I want to thank . . . or talk to. Or otherwise just add length to this fic for your torment. Seriously though, the first thing I said. That word that starts with a T and ends with a K.To my reviewers . . .
To Linda Gabriev - Thank you, I AM crazy. Getting people to like Nabiki/Ryoga pairings is what I'm all about, I'm glad the dark side of the force worked on you. Keep reading and reviewing (wink)
To Butterfly - I haven't read any good lemons, they make me laugh even if they're serious. So does adult cinema but that's a whole different conversation. I'm glad some one finds my sense of humor appealing and not offensive. That makes what? One out of ten now. Great! Keep reading and reviewing (wink)
To Sonya - Out There is my middle name. Eh . . . names. Bwahahahaha! Another person all for Nabiki/Ryoga romance eh? Perhaps there IS hope for this world. Keep reading and reviewing (wink)
To Perry - Twisted is ALSO my middle name. Kasumi had to drink the chocolate, I love Kasumi. I was gonna have myself show up as an OC but then I remembered I hate those things. Keep reading and reviewing. (wink)
To Reika - "Ear's a rat after me own 'eart" No need to be polite, of course the lemon aspect was terrible, but thanks for being nice anyway. Consider your request for a sequel granted, I am the genie of the lamp and I say it is done. And, yep, you guessed it, "Keep reading and reviewing (wink)"
To Crystalclear - There are a few Na/Ry out there by other authors who've done a better job than me, if your interested check them out. Keep reading and reviewing (wink)
Chapter Two
Cold Night, Hot Dinner (I ran out of ideas after the first one :)
"COOK!" Kasumi screamed. "MUST COOK!"
Nabiki held her hands over her ears. "Yeah, go do that!" She cried.
"I feel a burning sensation inside me, and I'm finding Ryoga incredibly attractive! Whenever this happens I cook! I must cook!" Kasumi explained.
"Is THAT why Tofu hasn't gotten laid yet." Nabiki sighed. "Hey, wait a second, your finding *my* Ryoga attractive?"
"Extremely! Now I must bake soufflé!"
"If you keep screaming it'll cave in."
"Can't have that! That won't do! No noise now, you and Ryoga go play in your room, Nabiki."
"Ryoga is still asleep." Nabiki observed. "Kasumi . . . can I see that hot chocolate container?"
"Hmm? Oh yes, of course. Here you go. Oh, and don't wake up Ryoga, he's still asleep."
(For those of you who forgot it, or just had to see it again . . .)
WARNING: Hottie-Chocolate contains several very powerful aphrodisiacs and though it may cause temporary insanity with humans it is useful for breeding elephants or other large creatures-may cause unexpected fertility in human females, do not mix with alcohol. Now with a lemony twist!
"Warning . . . yada yada . . . several aphrodisiacs? What the heck? And I drank this stuff? Useful with elephants or other large creatures? May cause unexpected fertility in human . . . what? Hell no! Lemony twist my eye! There wasn't the slightest hint of lemon!" Nabiki growled. "Daddy keeps this stuff around?"
Then she saw the little label on the bottom. It read "Property of Hopposai: Master Panty Thief!"
Nabiki frowned. "If anyone needs me, I'm going to be in my room crying."
"Just do it quietly." Kasumi warned, waving a frying pan menacingly.
Then Nabiki saw the much smaller warning label beneath the warning label. It read:
WARNING! Hottie Chocolate contains several strange experimental drugs. One out of one hundred human women, should they drink more than one glass, will suddenly have a strange ability to see in the infrared spectrum and will track down anything male and maliciously rape it! One of the scientists involved in its creation (Joe) wanted us to throw that in for his wife-she's the shy type.
Note that this product may cause unexpected fertility, temporary blindness and above all, loss of any and all story and/or plot. Good night Canada, gods save you drinkers of this product, if it is right that he should do so you poor bastards.
"Eh . . . Kasumi, don't drink any more of that chocolate okay?"
"What?" Kasumi asked, already pouring another mug.
"Never . . . eh . . . mind . . . I guess." Nabiki sighed.
"So wonderful! Delicious hot chocolate! Hey, everything is turning red!"
"Okies, buh-bye Kasumi." Nabiki said, running up to her room. She threw herself onto her bed and sighed. Great, so she hadn't fallen in love with Ryoga. That was not necessarily good news, though at the moment she welcomed it. Though it did mean she'd lost her virginity to some one she didn't like thanks to a powerful drug . . . this was not how she envisioned her life . . . wait a minute, here's a memory . . .
Ten Years Ago
"Truth or dare!" Kasumi cried.
"Truth!" Nabiki proclaimed.
"How would you LIKE to lose your virginity?"
"My what?"
(Whisper...whisper)
"EEEWWW! I wanna lose my virginity to a charming young man with a bandanna, while we are both under the influence of powerful aphrodisiacs with no real love lost between us! Then I wanna dump him, and sleep with his best friend!" Nabiki said happily.
"What? That's icky!" Kasumi cried.
"Once I lose my virginity I'm gonna be the biggest slut in town!" Nabiki continued. "It'll be like cutting a car's break lines, you wont be able to stop me baby!"
"You're just joking now, right?" Kasumi asked.
"Nope." Nabiki shrugged.
"I say we take a vow to forget this for all eternity." Kasumi said. "Vow!" Kasumi cried. "I vow! I don't wanna remember this!"
"Me neither, I want to surprise myself!" Nabiki said. "I will leave it up to my subconscious mind to ensure that it actually happens!"
Current Day
Nabiki frowned. "Stupid subconscious mind! Stupid Truth or Dare game!" She sighed. What was she supposed to do now? She was bored, she couldn't make noise and she kept thinking about her dear Ryoga . . . eh just Ryoga. Forget the "dear" part. Dammit she'd strangle that bouncing pervert the next time she saw him! And unexpected fertility? Now *that* was going to screw up her day. Oh yeah, she could just see it now: A baby with fangs who couldn't figure out directions but loved money and could outsmart almost anyone. That'd be worth a few years in a support group and at least one appearance on a daytime talk show.
Then her door opened slowly and Ryoga walked in. He looked at her for a moment in confusion. "Nabiki? Sorry I didn't realize you were using the wash room . . . eh . . . why did you move your desk in here?"
"This is my bedroom lost boy." Nabiki growled. She blamed this whole thing on him. Oh yes, if it weren't for him there would have been no one to have sex with, she'd have been saved a lot of trouble if she'd just let him freeze to death.
"Oh . . . eh . . . okay. Kasumi told me to wash my hands and get ready for dinner." He explained. "Apparently she's got a strange urge to cook enough food for an army, and she needs taste testers. Weather they want to or not."
Nabiki scoffed. "Yes yes that's fine. I didn't ask for an explanation, leave before I make you pay child support!"
"What?" Ryoga frowned.
'Actually, I should do that weather or not I'm pregnant, he'd be stupid enough to pay it.' Nabiki thought to herself. Then she remembered the elaborate scheme she'd made and the great lengths she'd gone to just to make sure that Ryoga believed the . . . "encounter" had been a dream. The list of things she'd accomplished in ten minutes was long, including dressing herself, getting Ryoga into a sort of waking-sleeping mode and having him get dressed and walk down stairs to the table, then paying Kodachi for a drug that'd make Ryoga think anything an everything that happened in the last few minutes was dream.
Meanwhile at the Kuno estate, Kodachi was doing a quick inventory of all her drugs and poisons. To her chagrin the "Half Hour Waking Dream" that she thought she'd brought to Nabiki Tendo was still in full supply. But the "Ten Thousand Year Uncontrollable Sex Drive" that she'd wanted to use on her dear Ranma was completely empty.
"Oh well . . . Nabiki shall never notice." Kodachi reasoned.
(Notice that I keep leaving them the chance to blame it on drugs eh? Just wait till the END of the fic, I got a surprise for ya, tehehe)
Anyway, back at the Tendo estate . . .
Nabiki sighed. Ryoga was still cute . . . she was obviously still under the influence of the stupid hot coca. Hmm . . . cute Ryoga . . . bad brain! Bad!
Ryoga sat down on her bed. "Do you mind if I hide in here from Kasumi?"
'Probably not a good idea.' Nabiki thought. "Sure." She said. 'Dammit! What am I saying?' "But it'll cost ya." 'Oh, THAT'S what I'm doing . . . okay, THAT sounds like the normal me. Yeah . . . I think.'
"What happened to my hotel accommodations?" Ryoga asked.
"Sex isn't covered." 'Doh!' "I mean eh . . . what hotel lets you hide from kitchen staff for free?"
"C'mon Nabiki, you know I'm broke."
"Not true, I gave you yer money . . . eh . . . I mean . . . I bet you still have some money in that bandanna stash of yours."
Ryoga frowned. Nabiki couldn't help but frown back. She prayed he wasn't putting two and two together. "Hmm . . ." he said as he retrieved the money she'd stolen then returned to him. "Hey, I guess I *didnt* lose it! Cool!"
'Thank god Ryoga is an idiot.' Nabiki thought. 'One if his more attractive features really . . . dammit why am I thinking *that*?'
"That's weird, I really could have sworn it wasn't in here . . . especially since I took my bandanna off when I took a shower . . ."
'Oh crap. Didn't think about that.' Nabiki frowned. "You never took a shower, remember?" She said. "You fell asleep as soon as we got inside."
"I did?" Ryoga asked.
"Yes." Nabiki said calmly. 'Let's see how stupid Ryoga really is.' She thought to herself.
"Mm . . . then I should probably take one now . . . except I'm pretty warm already."
"Well this house is well heated." Nabiki said. 'I'm freezing!' She thought.
"Yeah . . . nice and warm and cozy . . . I wish I lived here. Had sisters like you and Kasumi."
'Scary thought. He wouldn't say that if he knew what we did a little while ago . . .' Nabiki thought. "Say what you will, you wouldn't want me as your sister." Nabiki said, feeling that that was reasonable enough.
"I know." Ryoga said. The way he said it puzzled her. It wasn't an insult, and he wasn't agreeing with her. He sounded glad. "If you were my sister I'd be in a lot of trouble."
Nabiki glared at him. "So you remember!" She snapped.
"Remember what?" He said, looking honestly curious.
Nabiki decided to test him. "I don't know, tell me what you remember!" She said. "Why would you be in trouble if I were your sister!?"
'Hmm . . . what a scary demand.' Ryoga thought. He couldn't tell her about Akane because she'd probably spill the beans. Though for some reason though he felt no motivation to vie for Akane's heart anymore, he didn't want those feelings out in the open yet. Though he did blame his loss of interest in Akane on his dream, which was the actual reason he'd said what he'd said. He couldn't tell her about his dream though. That'd be like a death sentence. 'But then again it seemed so real.' He thought. 'She's really cute when she's mad.' He added. Then frowned. 'Wait a second . . . what am I not supposed to remember?' He thought.
"Well?" She demanded.
"Well," he said, "I was just thinking, my sister wouldn't make me pay to come inside the house." He said.
"Wanna bet?" Nabiki asked, visibly relaxing.
'Saved.' Ryoga thought. 'Funny though, she sure got riled up.' "Man my back hurts." He said, it was mostly to himself but he saw Nabiki tense when he said it.
"You slept on it wrong?" She asked.
"No, feels like I got in a fight with a mountain lion and lost." Ryoga mumbled, rubbing his back.
"I'm offended by that!" Nabiki snapped.
"Huh?" 'What's she offended by?' Ryoga thought. 'Hey wait a minute, I remember something about . . . hmm . . . clawing my back . . . Nabiki . . . naw that was just a dream.'
"Eh . . . I'm offended that you would . . . feel that way about Hotel-la-Tendo's sleeping accommodations!" Nabiki said.
"Oh I'm sure the table was plenty comfortable." Ryoga said. But now he couldn't shake the feeling that Nabiki was trying to hide something from him. He knew exactly how to get it out of her too! "Hey Nabiki, you look awfully bored." He observed.
"So what if I am?" She demanded.
"Well, I got an idea of something we can do while we wait for Kasumi to calm down." He said.
"What?" She demanded, sounding nervous and annoyed at the same time.
"Truth or dare." He said calmly. She cringed.
"Fate teases me." She sighed. "Okay, but I got first." She added.
"Fair enough." Ryoga said. 'I only need to ask her one question! And then the code of Truth or Dare honor demands she answer truthfully!' he thought.
"Well . . . Ryoga tell me the truth now. What exactly do you remember doing tonight? After coming here I mean."
"Well I thought I took a shower but I didn't. I guess all I did was fall asleep." He said. It was partially true, he couldn't tell her about his dream, she'd kick his ass worse than Ranma ever could. He knew *he'd* kick Ranma's ass if Ranma ever said he'd had a dirty dream about him. But then again . . . that was sex-switching Ranma, not Nabiki . . . if she'd had a dream about him, Ryoga wondered how he'd react.
"Well Ryoga, is that the game or are you gonna take your turn?" Nabiki demanded.
"Hmm? Oh yeah. Okay, truth or date."
"What?"
"Dare." Ryoga corrected himself. 'I'm a idiot!' he thought.
"Okay then, dare." Nabiki said.
"I dare you to kick Ranma's ass when he gets home!" Ryoga announced. 'That ought ta teach ya ta pick truth!' He thought.
"No fair!" Nabiki protested.
"You lose then." Ryoga said.
"Truth then, let me pick truth!" Nabiki said.
"Righto." Ryoga said. "Truth now, absolute truth. What did we do when we got back here?"
Nabiki slapped him across the face so hard that Ryoga felt she might have had a chance going with the dare to kick Ranma's ass.
Kasumi drank another cup of hot coca. "Cook!" She muttered. "We must cook! Precious, must not stop drinking the precious!" She stroked the canister of hot coca mix. "My precious . . . it is my precious . . . what is that? My precious hears something? We will kill it my precious, it must not make the soufflé fall my precious!" She hissed. She walked, almost slithered to the door and saw the other inhabitants of the house returning home.
"They must not take the precious!" Kasumi hissed. She closed the door and locked it, then began setting up a barricade. "Must not take our precious!"
'He remembers.' Nabiki thought. 'Or he's close to it. I'm going to have to get my money back from Kodachi, I knew it was a mistake to spend my own money in the first place.' She shook her head. "Really all I remember is you falling asleep." She said.
"So why did you go to sleep at the table too?" He asked.
Nabiki frowned. "I . . . didn't?" She offered.
"You sure about that?" Ryoga asked.
"Hey now, one question per turn!" She cried. 'He's onto me! Wait, wrong choice of words.' She thought.
Ryoga sighed, he looked kinda cute when he sighed. "Okay then, it's your turn." He said.
"I don't want to play anymore." Nabiki said. "I'm . . . I'm tired, I want to go to sleep." She walked over to the bed and pushed Ryoga aside as she lied down. He tripped, or did a good job or pretending too, and landed on top of her. She didn't have to look into a mirror to know she was blushing. 'Dammit!' she thought. 'I should probably tell him to get off me.' She thought, but her lips decided not to speak. Instead they decided to kiss Ryoga. Nabiki was now thoroughly pissed off at her subconscious. 'Just you wait until I find a way to kick your ass!' She thought. 'I'll get addicted to acid and drink a lot of alcohol, that'll learn ya!'
He subconscious yielded to the threat and Nabiki tore herself away from Ryoga, rolled around a bit and pinned him, after convincing her body that that was in fact the correct thing to do.
Ryoga was speechless, Nabiki wasn't. "How dare you kiss me!" She cried.
"I did what?" Ryoga frowned. "I . . . eh . . . I didn't mean to, I'm sorry." He said quickly.
"Get off me!" Nabiki cried.
"I'd love to . . . but . . ." Nabiki frowned when she realized she was lying on *him*. 'How did *that* happen?' she wondered. She thought back for a second. 'Dammit! Now what kind of slut is he gonna think I am?' she thought. 'Wait a minute, why do I care? I've been drugged, I don't really like him!'
Then again, if she'd been drugged . . . was it really wrong to just have a little fun? What did she have to lose? Her virginity? Hahahah!
Ryoga frowned when Nabiki kissed him again. It felt strangely familiar, and incredibly good. 'Okay, dream was not a dream. I'm convinced, we've done this before.' He thought.
"Are we going to use *your* room this time?" Ryoga asked. Nabiki glared at him. "Well it's just that we wouldn't want Kasumi catching on to us would we?"
"We gotta be quiet, we don't want her soufflé falling." Nabiki winked. "Besides, Akane's room is still in one piece. And P-Chan hangs out in that room all the time."
"You're determined to blame it all on me-eh P-chan, aren't you?" Ryoga sighed.
Nabiki kissed him. "How do you know that we did it in Kasumi's room anyway?" She demanded.
"It happened in my dream." Ryoga said, realizing how pathetic that line sounded.
"That's a sad pick up line. Damn Kodachi. I thought she knew her drugs, I guess not." Nabiki shook her head. "Regardless . . . I'm not in love with you." She said.
"Mm?" Ryoga gave her a curious look. "Then why do you keep kissing me?"
"We've been drugged sweetie, that hot coca has several powerful aphrodisiacs in it, that's why were going at it." Nabiki said calmly. "And you got a double dose, Einstein, you *would* drink it twice." She kissed him again.
Funny . . . he didn't *feel* drugged. Though he had to admit he had earlier. Felt incredibly relieved that he hadn't had a dirty dream about Nabiki . . . wait, was a dirty dream preferable to actual sex?
He'd have to figure that out later, Nabiki didn't seem interested in stopping. She kissed him again
Meanwhile . . . we musn't forget about the one responsible for all this.
Happo! The pervert! Oh I hate you! I hate you!
Happo danced around energetically. So happy. He'd stolen MORE panties, how wonderful!
"Halt, old man!" Kodachi Kuno cried. "Those panties belong to me!"
"And I will treasure them for all eternity!" Hoppo assured her. Then he leapt towards her breasts, making a mad attempt for the bra. She whacked him really hard with a club. "OUCH!"
"I shall show you what happens to old perverted panty thieves who interfere with the Kuno clan!" Kodachi cried.
"I enjoy SNM as much as the next one foot tall panty thief!" Hoppo cried happily.
"Well, you shall not be enjoying this, but I assure you, I will." Kodachi grinned wickedly.
Ryoga felt his heart pounding so hard he could hear it, and feel it in his chest like it was going to explode. He kissed Nabiki, his arms wrapped tightly around her, he held her close, trying not to hurt her, and wondering if he was. He knew he was strong, but he didn't know how tough Nabiki was, he'd never thought before to test her.
They said no words, the room was dimly light, it added to the atmosphere, and Nabiki's eyes seemed to glow in the dim light. Beautiful brown eyes that seemed to hold his attention and force his gaze, like a mouse staring down a snake ready to strike Ryoga couldn't take his eyes away from those of Nabiki Tendo.
She smiled weakly and closed her eyes. Ryoga came out of his trance and kissed her. He moved his hand slowly through her short hair, it was soft, and she seemed to enjoy it. He moved his free hand slowly between her legs and between her thighs.
She moaned softly, but he kissed her to silence it, not wanting Kasumi's soufflé to fall.
Then he frowned. "Nabiki . . ." he whispered. She nodded to show she was listening, but didn't say anything. "What if. . . what if Kasumi walks in on this?"
"You just thought . . . of that did you?" She smiled warmly and kissed him. "All things considered . . . since she's drinking so much of that hot chocolate . . . she'll probably join right in, honey."
Ryoga frowned. "Don't kid around." Ryoga whispered. What did hot chocolate have to do with anything?
"You know . . . I'm not the . . . kidding type sweetie." Nabiki whispered slowly, trying to control her breathing, which Ryoga only now realized, was made up of short gasps. He couldn't be crushing her, he wasn't lying on her, and he was keeping his weight off of her. He wondered if she was okay.
She closed her eyes again and kissed him. When their lips parted she whispered, her panting under control for the time being. "Ryoga . . . if Kasumi catches us, I'll handle everything. Don't worry." She whispered.
"I'm not worried." Ryoga whispered, looking into her brown eyes again.
"Then why did you stop?" She whispered.
"I wasn't doing much to begin with." He smiled. "I didn't think you'd notice." He kissed her and told himself that if Nabiki, with all her intelligence and scheming was confident that Kasumi wouldn't be a problem, then he had to believe that she wouldn't.
Ryoga moved his hand along Nabiki's long leg, over her thigh and then back to it's hiding place. Nabiki moaned loudly before he could silence her, she moved her hands over her pretty face to silence her own cries, Ryoga moved them away.
He looked at her face, her cheeks were bright red, her eyes were half closed. She was panting again. Needless to say, Ryoga was hard again, he spread her legs apart with his hand, and slid his manhood into her body. She was, as before very tight, she practically squeezed him. She was wet and warm inside too. Ryoga had thought his heart was pounding as hard as it ever would. He was wrong. Even in his duels with Ranma he'd never felt like this, it was wonderful, and tiring at the same time, but in a different way than fighting.
He began to thrust in and out of her, she seemed to get wetter, and even tighter, but he was absolutely sure she was getting warmer.
He continued his thrusts, finding a sort of rhythm and keeping to it, holding her in his arms. She had grabbed fistfuls of sheets, which was of course preferable to clawing at his back. As he slid in and out of her, he felt his legs get weak, he closed his eyes tight, lost in a sea of pleasure. Nabiki cried out, arching her back and tightening her fists. Ryoga felt her grow tighter, and then much wetter. As she came, she locked her legs around him, without meaning to she forbade him from pulling away.
He continued to thrust, his legs felt weak and suddenly a moan escaped his own lips, he had not intended to do it, it just happened. And then he felt an explosion of pleasure for the second time in his life, he let his seed flow into the middle Tendo daughter's womb again. (Womb is such a funny word-DOH! I interrupted again!)
They looked into each other's eyes again, and Nabiki sighed weakly. "This cant be a drug." She mumbled.
"Nihau!" Shampoo cried. "Shampoo and Mousse bring Ramen for Ranma and everybody but Violent Girl! We smash down wall, is okay yes?"
"Eh . . . Shampoo, where is everyone?" Mousse asked.
"Not know." Shampoo said. "We leave Ramen on table yes?"
"Uh . . . okay." Mousse said. "What's this? Hot chocolate?"
"EEE! Shampoo love hot chocolate! We drink all up, yes?"
"Of course! What ever you say darling Shampoo!"
Nabiki and Ryoga took turns cleaning themselves off, and took a vow to never speak of the events that occurred that night to Kasumi or Akane or *anyone* except Happo who they would track down, and depending on their mood, violently murder.
They walked into the common room together, expecting the family to be home by now. They were indeed home, the door was barricaded but there was a huge hole in the wall. They were all crowed around the table where a cat was trying to mate with a duck, the duck wanting nothing to do with it. Shampoo and Mousse's cloths were strewn about the table, as were two overturned coffee mugs.
"This isn't good." Ryoga mumbled.
"We know nothing! Say nothing!" Nabiki warned him.
Soun Tendo was relieved when he saw his middle child descend down the stairway. "Nabiki! What has happened in my absence? The kitchen is locked and barricaded, we don't even have a kitchen door, but somehow one has appeared! Shampoo and Mousse were tangled together in a rather disgusting display before Akane, screaming that her eyes burned poured a bucket of hot water over them. We can't find Kasumi, and we didn't know where you were-oh! Hello Ryoga! What are you doing here?"
"We didn't do anything!" Ryoga exclaimed.
"What?" Soun frowned.
"What do you think made Shampoo change her mind about Mousse?" Ranma asked.
"Why does it matter?" Akane demanded.
"I guess it doesn't." Ranma nodded. "One less Fiancée I guess. I just wanna know what's going on."
"It wasn't the hot chocolate!" Nabiki cried.
"What?" Ranma frowned. Soun's frown grew.
"Hot Chocolate?" He asked. 'Surely it isn't the old master's Hottie Chocolate! The very thing that provided me with countless mistresses. Naw . . . and yet' "Nabiki!" He exclaimed. "You-you!"
"We didn't do it! I mean each other! I mean . . . eh . . ." Nabiki threw herself on the ground and trembled. "I didn't do anything! It was ALL Ryoga's fault!" Ryoga's pupils disappeared from his eyes and he looked as if he was ready to find Mrs. Saotome and ask her to help him to commit Seppuku.
"Ryoga!" Soun cried. "You sold the Hottie Chocolate to Mousse so that he could get Shampoo to sleep with him?"
"What?" Nabiki frowned. "Oh, that? THAT!? Oh yeah I eh . . . that's what I did. Yeah . . . Ryoga had nothing to do with it, it was all me and Mousse owes me a great deal of yen!"
"QUACK!"
"Silence!" Nabiki hissed.
Soun frowned. "I'm going to go to sleep . . . when I wake up, that duck had better be gone."
"Hey Ranma," Nabiki asked. "If Shampoo is a cat, why aren't you afraid of her right now?"
"C-cat? Cat! Cat? Cat! AAAHHHH!" Ranma screamed, and ran off.
"Drat! All those hours at the hypnotic department wasted!" Genma sighed. "The boy was supposed to be cured of his cat problem until a virgin asked him why he wasn't afraid of cats anymore. That's how we found out Akane was really a slut."
"He cast the spell backwards! I swear I've never been with a man in my life!" Akane cried.
"A virgin . . . yup. That's me." Nabiki said. "And Ryoga for that matter. Eh . . . no one go in my room, we haven't cleaned it yet . . . eh . . . since P-Chan ransacked it."
"Nabiki!" Ryoga cried. Nabiki gave him a deadly look. Soun frowned. What were those two hiding? Oh no! They had given Kasumi the hot chocolate too and she'd gone to see Doctor Tofu! That had to be it!
"Kasumi!" Soun cried. "I'm coming!" He grabbed a large mallet and ran off for Dr. Tofu's office. "I'll kill the pervert, don't worry Kasumi-baby! I'll save my little girl's purity!"
He didn't hear Kasumi shout from the kitchen "MY SOUFLE HAS FALLEN! YOU SHALL ALL DIE! MY PRECIOUS!"
The group all stood around Happo's hospital bed. He was so happy to see them! They DID care!
"DEATH OLD MAN!" Ryoga cried as soon as Happo's eyes were open.
"He's awake!" Kasumi cried.
"Hold Ryoga back, we need answers from this shrimp!" Nabiki cried.
The encounter was apparently not a loving family meeting.
"Master, we have a simple question . . ." Kasumi said in her usual calm way. She presented him with his old bottle of Hottie Chocolate! "Why did you leave this in our kitchen? Disguised all to cleverly as hot chocolate?"
"I was wondering where I put that!" Happo cried.
"You drugged us!" Ryoga cried.
"Did no such thing m'boy." Happo said. "Never did I force anyone to drink this. Anyone who wasn't female that is. Anyway this stuff is long past it's expiration date, once it expires it is useless as an aphrodisiac! It just makes girls of strong moral fiber go insane a cook a lot while perceiving anything that moves as a threat to the canister which contains the precious grains of hot chocolate! But none of you girls have strong moral fiber right?" Happo reasoned.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Nabiki cried.
"We found Kasumi barricaded in the kitchen this morning! She was ritualistically sacrificing a pot roast!" Ryoga cried. "And Nabiki and I . . . eh . . . had problems of our own. And then Shampoo! Oh god Shampoo! I cant live with myself! The humiliation she's gone through!"
"Nabiki is going to have a baby!" Kasumi enthused.
"We don't know that fer sure!" Nabiki protested.
"I see . . . well that was your subconscious minds knowing that they could blame their intentions on the hot chocolate. I knew Nabiki was a slut at heart. And Ryoga, what a cad. Yes, I shall take you both as my apprentices from this day forward! We'll be the panty thieving trio!" Happo said.
"Now I have ANOTHER reason to kick my subconscious mind's ass!" Nabiki cried.
"You mean Nabiki and I actually did fall in love?"
Happo shrugged. "How the heck should I know? Sadly I didn't get to watch you two go at it!"
"But if they are in love, but not in love because of the chocolate, what do we do with them? They won't stop having sex!" Kasumi cried.
"That's a little hasty." Nabiki said. "We've only done it twice in our life times, we haven't even had the chance to do it today, what are you bitching about?"
"Well there is one cure. One cure, just one cure. A potion, but to create it I must have your panties."
"We're not THAT stupid!" Ryoga cried.
"We're leaving!" Nabiki spat.
"I'll send a nurse in to take care of you." Kasumi added.
"Yay!" Happo cried.
Then the male nurse came in. "The cute girl with long hair in the cooking apron said that you needed every sort of suppository available . . . where shall we start?"
Hoppo frowned. His ass still hadn't recovered from the spiked club that Kodachi had shoved in there. "Hmm . . . well I suppose we may as well get it over with m'boy. But send in a female nurse instead."
"Very well. Hilda!" The male nurse cried. An enormous woman with a beard came in.
"Heir Doktor?" She demanded.
"Suppositories for the little boy." The nurse said. "He needs one of every type we have available."
"It will be my pleasure!" Hilda cried, pulling a plastic glove over her hand.
"Dear god!" Hoppo cried. "I'll get back at you Kasumi! You and your sister too! Just wait till I slip you two some Hottie Chocolate that HASN'T expired!"
"He's talking nonsense! Get the morphine!" The male nurse cried. "Administer it AFTER the suppositories!"
"I'll make you pay!" Hoppo whined. "I'll make Ryoga pay too---AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
"Wait a second doctor, we have another patient. Local chiropractor, he's been whacked with a mallet several times." Said a nurse.
"Dear god! Not another one!" The doctor cried. "When will these kids learn SNM just isn't right?"
Dr. Tofu was brought in on a stretcher. "I will . . . get my revenge on whoever said I slept with Kasumi . . . after thanking them for their kind but unwelcome accusation . . ."
"Then do I have a proposition for you-AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Happo cried.
To Be Continued . . . NOT!
The END!
Grimm: WEE! A completed fic!
Ryoga: Bouncing baby Jeebus on a pogo stick! I can't believe you! You sick bastard!
Grimm: Now now, no cursing Ryoga.
Nabiki: I'll scratch your eyes out!
Grimm: Aww c'mon! We finished a fic guys! A completed fic at last!
Nabiki: Until you get bored and continue it!
Grimm: Naw, I wouldn't do that.
Ryoga: (whisper whisper)
Grimm: Really? I didn't know people could do that! You and Nabiki shall have to try it out in chapter 3!
Ryoga: YES!
Nabiki: Ryoga! I'll kill you too! After I'm done with you that is.
Black Widow: Welcome to the Black Widow Clan.
Nabiki: EEP! A spider!