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The characters in this story belong to their respective creators and rights holders. Ranma 1/2 is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. Sailor Moon is the creation of Naoko Takeuchi. All original content is the creation of Samuel Phoenix. All My Outers...
Ranma had spent the last four hours locked in a room with his two newly bisexual wives, their seemingly endless supply of hot and cold water, and their endless lusts. When one had been sated the other demanded attention. When he was fried out, they’d just splash him with water and fuck the brains out of his other form. When his girl form had been sufficiently ravished, they splash him again and demand more ‘beef’. It had been wild and crazy enough to overwhelm even the most tenacious of teenage superhuman ass kickers, leaving Ranma tired, hungry, sore, and unable to walk under his own power. “Ranma!” exclaimed Hotaru, rushing to her new husband’s side. “So,” Haruka asked as she helped Hotaru set Ranma down in one of the chairs. “When’s breakfast?” “Four hours ago,” dead-panned Setsuna. “We ordered takeout for lunch,” stated Hotaru. Michiru sighed falling into a seat. “That good. If I had to stand up to cook I would have died.” Haruka sat down next to her female lover and smiled. “Man, I still can’t believe it...” She smiled at Ranma. “I just can’t believe it.” Setsuna sighed and waved her hand in front of Ranma’s face. There was no reaction. “Goddamn,” she growled, “I think you broke him.” Hotaru scowled at her parental figures who just rolled their eyes. “Oh, come on!” exclaimed Haruka, “He’s not dead... He just wasn’t used to keeping up with the two of us, right Michiru-chan?” Michiru blushed and shrank as all eyes turned to her. “Shameless,” she muttered in reference to her feminine better half. The house was interrupted by the sound of the door bell. “Soup’s on,” stated Setsuna as she stood up and left the room to retrieve their delivery. ---- Shampoo was too worried about her airen, but great-grandmother had her doing deliveries when she should by all rights be looking for Ranma! The purpled haired Amazon paced back and forth on the steps of the large Japanese house waiting for the door to open so she could give them the damn noodle soup, and get back to what was important: finding her beloved husband! Shampoo pressed the door bell and returned to her pacing. Too too slow Japanese! They were forcing her to stand outside and twiddle her thumbs while those Japanese obstacle-girls could be sinking their hooks into her Ranma! Grrr... If too too stupid Japanese people didn’t open the damn door and pay her this instant she’d kick it down and beat the yen out of their weak, pampered little bodies! She would... The door cracked open and standing in the doorway was an attractive woman with deeply tanned skin of about twenty years. Shampoo shot up straight, and putting on her biggest smile and in her most bubbly voice, she said. “You order five beef ramen from Nekohanten, no?” Setsuna nodded. “Indeed I did. The old woman on the phone said 2,700 yen.” Shampoo nodded. “You no have seen boy named Ranma have you?” Setsuna’s eyes narrowed. “Maybe... what do I get if I tell you.” Shampoo smiled. “What you get? How ‘bout ramen is on house!” Setsuna smiled. “Well, my husband is named Ranma...” “WHAT?!” exclaimed Shampoo. “What this Ranma look like?!” Setsuna sighed. “He’s a full two meters tall, with silky black hair, and muscles like a Greek God!” “Hmmm... different Ranma,” muttered Shampoo. “So, the ramen is on the house?” asked Setsuna. “No,” exclaimed Shampoo. “You no tell me about Ranma!” “But I did,” stated Setsuna, “Just not your Ranma.” “You try and trick Shampoo...” “No, I told you the truth.” Setsuna lied. Shampoo growled. “You get on house if you have information on MY Ranma. He about 1.7 meters tall, wear ponytail braid, and Chinese shirts!” Setsuna’s eyebrow raised. “I saw him.” “Where!” demanded Shampoo. Setsuna began to rub her temple and winced in slight pain. “Something wrong with Japanese lady?” Setsuna shook her head and focused back on Shampoo. “Listen, Shampoo right?” “How you know that?” Setsuna sighed. “You told me.” The Amazon blinked. “Shampoo no remember telling you!” “Well you did, how else do I know it.” Shampoo nodded. Good point. “So where Ranma?” Setsuna shrugged. “I think I saw him getting pulled down the street by some girl in a leotard who was ranting about her ‘Ranma-sama’... or something like that. Only remembered it because of the name and how messed up the girl was.” Shampoo nodded and all but thrust the order into Setsuna’s arms. “Ramen is on house!” Setsuna grinned and closed the door behind her. One the door was shut, Shampoo gazed back in the direction of Nerima. So, Crazy Flower-Girl had Ranma! She act all worried but she steal shampoo’s airen! She was obstacle and obstacles are for killing! “Flower-Girl,” exclaimed the crazed china woman. “You I kill!” --------------- As the Chinese psychotic biked off into the sunset waving around her scimitar, Setsuna could barely hold herself back. As soon as the purple-haired nut-ball was out of sight, Setsuna let loose. “What an idiot!” she laughed. Still chuckling about conning the Amazonian airhead she strode into the kitchen and deposited the bowls of soup in front of her family members. As soon as the soup was placed in front of him, and the hand removed, Ranma jumped into action, eating at speeds not achievable by most mortal men. Mortal women was another story, as Usagi could pace him any day of the week. “Hungry?” remarked Setsuna as she watched him eat. “Yes.” He choked between bites, “Very.” Hotaru smiled and snuggled up next to him, bringing slight pangs of jealousy to Setsuna’s heart. “Feeling better now?” she asked. He nodded. “Yeah, Hotaru-chan just great.” He looked up to Haruka and Michiru adding, “But no more threesomes with those two.” “Oh,” bemoaned Haruka, “Have a heart.” “If I have to keep up with BOTH of you I’ll have a heart attack!” “We’re not that bad...” muttered Michiru with a blush. “No, you’re not that bad,” Ranma deadpanned. “Haruka on the other hand... in bed, I bet she makes Happousai look low key!” “Who’s Happousai?” Setsuna involuntarily shuddered. More then once in the last 300 years she’d come across the disgusting little troll. While she knew that Haruka was quite the little pervert, obvious from the way she let high school girls think she was a man, and the occasional offer for a threesome, but a comparison to Happousai? “Ranma, now that’s just low.” Ranma winced for a moment and glanced at Setsuna. “You say Haruka has the qualities of a man and a woman, right?” Setsuna blinked. “Yes, how did you know that?” “I have no idea.” Haruka chucked to herself. “Seems to be the rule around here.” Setsuna guessed it was more of those strange phantom memories. It was how she was able to play Shampoo so easily. “Well, I can tell you she has the combined sex drive of both.” “Twice the fun, ne?” remarked Haruka. Ranma sighed and looked at his blond wife. “Not when I have to keep both you and Michiru happy.” Haruka sighed loudly. “Fine...” Looking to Michiru she grinned, “I did miss the quality time with Michiru-chan... but I really wanted to give that girl-form of you’re a test drive.” “Haruka, please, enough,” muttered Michiru as she attempted to sink into her chair. Setsuna looked at Haruka and hook her head. The woman had no class. She was surprised someone as eloquent and Michiru could stand her. “Shameless.” “Hai!” exclaimed Hotaru, chipping in. The married quintuplet sat in silence for a moment, then sighed as one. “You know,” Ranma remarked in-between slurps, “Where did you get this? It tastes familiar.” Setsuna went stone silent. If he knew that one of those psychotic girls had been at the door... “What?” asked Ranma in response. “It’s a place I choose out of the phonebook!” stated Hotaru, “Had a kawaii name.” “Oh, what was it called, Hotaru-chan?” asked Michiru Setsuna sighed. Here it goes... “The Nekohanten!” Ranma gagged, almost choking on his noodles. He jumped to his feet in a blur and began looking around in a paranoid frenzy. “Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh...” “Sit DOWN Ranma!” exclaimed Setsuna as she grabbed his pigtail and pulled him back down into the seat. “I already dealt with Shampoo!” “How?!” he exclaimed. “Oh, I pointed her in the direction of that Kodachi girl. Got the food for free too.” Ranma gulped. “Are you sure?” “Yes, Shampoo is gone. She ran off swinging a sword and ranting about killing ‘Flower-girl’.” Ranma sighed. “Okay... if you’re sure she’s gone.” “Ranma,” stated Setsuna, “At the speed she was going, she could be half way to China by now.” “Setsuna-mama?” asked Hotaru. “Yes, Hotaru-chan?” “I think we should tell them what we found...” “Ah, right.” “What did you find?” asked Michiru. Setsuna smiled. “The wedding pictures!” Haruka grinned. “I gotta take a look at these!” she exclaimed. “I’m warning you,” stated Setsuna, “They’re a bit on the strange side.” “Come on! Come on!” Setsuna sighed and laid out a picture of the wedding. It was rather simple, but unexpected all the same. Ranma was in a black robe and turban while the four girls were in white robes with veils over their faces. Setsuna sighed deeply and deadpanned, “La ilaaha illa llaah wa muhammadu rasuulu llaah...*” Ranma blinked. “What was that?” Setsuna sighed. “Nothing...” “A Muslim wedding?!” exclaimed Michiru. “I was hoping for something more... eloquent.” “Well, that explains how he married all four of us,” stated Haruka, obviously none to satisfied by the news. “I also found ticket stubs for a quick trip to Saudi Arabia, marriage certificates, and... ahem... pictures from the honeymoon.” Hotaru grinned naughtily at the mention of the pictures. Setsuna could not blame her. If those pictures were any guess, Hotaru-chan was VERY flexible... Haruka blinked. “Why is she smiling so much?” “Oh, according to the pictures it looks like she and Ranma got to chapter seven of the Kama-Sutra.” Michiru gagged. “Hotaru-chan having sex is not one of those things I like to imagine! She’s too young!” “I am not!” exclaimed Hotaru. She tuned to Ranma and in a husky voice, she asked, “Right, Ranma?” “Ah, err... yeah!” stammered the martial artist. Michiru slunk back and pouted. “Fine... I guess I have to come to grips...” “So, Ranma, any idea how this all started?” Setsuna asked. Ranma nodded. “Yes. I’ve been thinking about it and now I remember.” He took a deep breath, and began the story, “Kuno got some love potion from an old gypsy lady...” “What’s an old gypsy lady doing in Japan?” “I don’t know! He just got this love potion and wanted to use it to ‘free’ Akane and ‘the pigtailed girl’ from the ‘evil sorcerer Ranma Saotome’. To make a long story short, I kicked his ass, got the potion, then Akane accused me of... I don’t know, something stupid. She hit me with a park bench and I landed on you guys. The potion broke, there was this pink haze, and then I woke up in bed with you four.” Setsuna nodded. “Last thing I remember is eating a picnic, a crash, and then the same pink haze.” “Same here,” Haruka replied. Michiru nodded. “Same.” “I saw him fall through the tree...” Hotaru added. “So, you want to go talk to the gypsy lady and see if we can cure this?” Ranma asked. Setsuna looked at Ranma and sighed. She glanced at the others then cupped her face with her hands. Looking back to Ranma she asked, “Do you really want to?” Ranma gulped and shook his head. “Not really, but... it’s a love potion. It’s not real.” “Feels real,” Hotaru remarked. “I have to agree with Ranma,” Michiru stated, “It is painful to say this, but these feelings are artificial.” Haruka shrugged. “I say let sleeping dogs lie,” She grinned and leered at her husband. “I’m perfectly happy the way things are now...” “Absolutely shameless!” “What?!” “Maybe we should just talk to this person,” Setsuna stated. “See what we’re dealing with.” Ranma nodded. “Yeah. I can show you where she set up her wagon.” Haruka blinked. “You’re kidding me. A gypsy with a wagon in Japan. What’s next? Wait, I don’t want to know what’s next...” Michiru smiled. “That’s probably for the best.” Setsuna nodded. “So where is this gypsy anyways?” Ranma shrugged. “Nerima... but don’t worry, she’s around Nuku’s stomping grounds, not mine.” They nodded. Ranma jumped up and stretched. “Lets get dressed and get going! ----------------------- “He was serious,” Haruka deadpanned as she looked at the gypsy wagon sitting in a small piece of undeveloped land. “Told ya.” Michiru sighed. “So, what now...?” Setsuna’s eyes narrowed. “We must be very careful, lest we receive a curse...“ Michiru nodded. “I have heard the story. We need to think of a plan before we act.” Haruka nodded. “I recommend a frontal assault!” “You would,” Setsuna growled. “Guys,” Ranma interrupted, “I think Hotaru’s handling it fine,” Said young lady was happily walking up to the wagon. With a spring to her step and a smile on her face she gently knocked on the door. Setsuna sighed. “We’re doomed...” With a slow creak the door opened, and an old woman in gypsy dress poked her head out and glared at Hotaru. “Hello ma’am!” Hotaru chirped happily. The old woman’s harsh affect cracked and she smiled widely. “Well, what a sweet young girl! What can Madam Sophia do for you?” “Would it be alright if we spoke for a few minutes? “Come right in! Do you like biscuits?” “I love biscuits!” Michiru glanced over at Setsuna. “And you say we’re paranoid?” “Shut up.” Ranma smiled and in a wizened, Yoda like tone he stated “Never underestimate the persuasive power of a cute Japanese school girl.” Haruka nodded. “True dat. True dat.” Hotaru rolled her eyes of the antics of her husband and her psudo-parents/sister-wives, then looked back to the old woman. In the same cheery tone, she asked, “Would it be alright if the others came in too?” She looked at them and shrugged. “Why not?” With a wave the old gypsy woman motioned for the others to follow. The other members of the married quintuplet filed into the small looking wagon behind Hotaru and Madam Sophia. “Wow,” Ranma thought out loud as he entered the wagon. “It’s a lot bigger on the inside.” He was right. On the outside the wagon looked to be about the size of a large van. On the inside was a cluttered space the size of a studio apartment. Michiru nodded slightly. “I think physical laws are being broken here. I don’t suppose you could tell me how to do this to my closet?” “Sorry, no. Old Gypsy secret...” Sophia stated in a straight forward tone that brooked no argument. Sophia sat down at a table in front of a huge rack off potions. “Now, what would you like?” she said, her affect making a total 180 as she began pimping her wares. “I can read your fortune, the tarot, love potions, gypsy curses... You name your magical request and chances are Madam Sophia can provide, for a price.” Setsuna sighed. “We’re under the effect of one of your love potions.” The old gypsy woman’s eyebrow peeked. “Really?” “Yeah, really,” Haruka growled. “Now are you going to fix it or not!?” Madam Sophia’s eyes narrowed. “You are a ‘sporty girl’, yes?” Haruka blinked. “Yeah, I guess, what does that have to do with this?” Sophia grinned darkly. “Would Miss Loud-Mouth-Japanese-Girl like an old Gypsy curse? Try your hand at being a klutz? Maybe make it so you’ll never experience sexual pleasure ever again? Madam Sophia knows a curse for every occasion. You want a demonstration?” Haruka gulped and shrunk back and shook her head. “I’ll behave!” Sophia cackled. “Good girl! Now what was this about one of my potions?” Ranma sighed. “You remember a nutcase with a stick who came in about a week ago?” Sophia nodded. “I sold him number 9.” She paused then asked, “Are you Saotome Ranma?” “Ah yeah?” “Sorry, cannot tell you anything. Crazy fool paid me to give my word that I would not tell the ‘Evil Sorcerer Saotome’ the secrets to the potion.” “Hey!” Ranma growled, “Who’s an evil sorcerer!?” “Not you. If you were an evil sorcerer you would not have so many curses.” “So many curses? I only got one!” “Maybe if you remove a zero or two.” “WHAT?!” “Sorry, Madam Sophia can not help you,” she stated, “In fact, because of the promise I can’t help any of you. I’m sorry.” Setsuna sighed. “I know you don’t want to break your word, but maybe if you set a task...” “Hmmm... Yes. Madam Sophia knows just the trick!” “Ah, what’s that?” Haruka wondered. The old woman smiled at Ranma. “Are you willing to take the challenge?” Ranma grinned. “I’m always ready for a challenge.” “Ranma,” Setsuna scolded, “You don’t even know what kind of challenge it is...” “It’s a simple task,” Sophia grinned. “He only has to defeat my NINJAS!” The old woman snapped her fingers and the entire room exploded into motion. Hidden panels slid to the side, baskets and boxes popped open, ninjas even stepped from behind brooms and hat racks. “Oh, this is going to be fun...”
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