While going through some of my old FFML messages in my mailbox, I came across an interesting message entitled "Top Ten Rejected Lines" by Megane 6.7, which contained some lines that certain characters would never say ICly. This little idea popped into my head so I decided to make a little spamfic of it (well it was my intention at first, but it grew a bit larger than I expected :). Be warned, it contains some slight lemony content. Don't worry, those of you who are lighthearted. Its nothing serious. I've tried to string together some of these rejected lines so that they make up a small continuous fanfic. Apologies in advance to Megane 6.7 for not asking your permission first to make a parody. :) Date: January 18, 1998 --- [Ranma][Parody][Lemony] Top Ten Rejected Lines Ranma-chan was lying on the couch dejectedly watching TV. She had been forced to stay as a girl for a while now, due to a wager with Nabiki that she could stay in her cursed form for a month (Ranma needed the money badly). Ranma was not feeling good; it was 'that time of the month' for her. "ARGGGH! CRAMP! CRAMP!" Kasumi jumped as she heard Ranma's exclamation behind her, causing the bowl of ramen she was holding to drop onto the floor and shatter, spilling the contents all over the place. "Oh shit!" Ranma turned around from the TV and saw the mess on the floor. "Oh my! Let me help you clean up, Kasumi..." --- Meanwhile outside on the deck of the Tendo Dojo, Kunou was giving a bouquet of roses to Akane. "Oh yes Kunou darling! Spout your irreverent poetry to me!" said Akane. "I am the Blue Thunder of Furink...Ah, screw it. Do you know how hard it is to remember all these lines from ancient poems and say them out?" said Kunou. "I think I'm getting a headache..." Akane's expression immediately darkened. "That's it! First you chase me around all the time when I TELL you to get lost, now I want you to read your poetry to me and you refuse?! GET OUT KUNOU!!" *Akane said no?* thought Kunou. "Ok then, I'll leave quietly," said Kunou as he calmly turned around and walked out of the grounds of the Tendo Dojo. Cologne passed him, pogoing along the street on her cane making a ramen delivery. Time seemed to stop for Kunou, as he watched the old mummy sail past him, her long white hair billowing in the wind... "Cologne. I love you. I would date with you!" exclaimed Kunou as he chased after her. Cologne calmly hopped off onto the ground and struck Kunou with her staff, sending him flying off into low earth orbit. She then remounted her staff and continued on her delivery errand. --- Ryouga walked through the streets of Nerima. A passing old lady stopped him and said, "Excuse me sir, could you direct me to ni- chome ni no ichi? I seem to have gotten lost." "Just around the corner, second house to the right, you can't miss it ma'am," replied Ryouga as he continued walking. --- Ukyou was in her room upstairs in the okonomiyaki-ya, binding her breasts as she did every morning. "Ouch that feels so tight," lamented Ukyou. "Maybe I shouldn't bound my breasts anymore...yeah that's what I'll do. I'll just go topless! Maybe Ranchan will finally notice me." Ukyou grinned evilly to herself as she discarded the bindings and prepared to open the restaurant for the day. --- Ryouga walked into the doors of Okonomiyaki Ucchan for a quick bite to eat. The okonomiyaki-ya had just opened up, and it was packed with many young adolescent males, who were alternating between eating their okonomiyaki and drooling on it while staring at Ukyou's breasts. "URK!" exclaimed Ryouga as his eyes rolled up into his head and he passed out, blood gushing from his nose. Ukyou sighed to herself, scowling at the hoard of perverts. "What are you guys staring at?!" *Oh Ranchan, the things I put up with for you...* The picture of Ranma-kun telling her she was cute popped into her mind and she smiled dreamily. Ranma entered the store, stepping over the prone body of Ryouga. Noticing the hoard of perverts drooling over Ukyou, she stalked over to them, grabbing them one by one and hurling them out the doors of the Ucchan. Ukyou's daydream was interrupted as she saw Ranma-chan in front of her. *Wow, Ranchan looks even cuter as a girl.* Ranma finally noticed Ukyou's toplessness and blushed profusely, crossing her arms over her breasts so that Ukyou would not notice her nipples hardening in arousal. "What's the matter, Ranchan?" purred Ukyou as she cupped her breasts in her hands, a predatory gleam in her eye visible. "Don't you like what you see?" Ranma's blush deepened. "I, uh..." she stammered. "Aww heck I can't take it anymore! Ucchan, take off your clothes and let's make passionate love to each other!" Ukyou happily obliged. --- Nabiki sat in a kissaten, sipping her coffee waiting for Kunou to arrive for his weekly business deal with her. After a few moments, the upperclassman entered and sat at the table across from Nabiki. Nabiki looked up from her coffee. "Ah, Kunou-chan? The usual I suppose...ten pictures of Akane and your pig-tailed girl. That'll be 10,000 yen." "I'm sick of Tendou Akane and the pig-tailed girl," retorted Kunou, as he slid a generous amount of yen in front of her. "I want nude photos of YOU, Nabiki!" "I don't want your yen, Kunou-chan," said Nabiki as she pushed the yen bills back to him. "I only want your love!" Nabiki glomped onto Kunou and kissed him fiercely. *Great, now I can keep all those great pictures of Ranma-chan in the shower all to myself! Oooohhhh just thinking about those curves of hers makes me feel so hot...* --- Ryouga woke up to the sight of Ranma-chan sprawled out on a table, with Ukyou hungrily licking her pussy. He immediately passed out again. Ranma was feeling very light-headed from the extremely pleasurable multiple orgasms Ukyou was giving her. She slurred out, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty..." Nabiki wandered by outside the Ucchan, feeling warm all over from her little excursion with Kunou. She looked in, surveying the scene and suddenly got a predatory gleam in her eyes. She snapped a few pictures while Ukyou and Ranma weren't looking, then continued on her way. --- "Goodbye glasses, hello contacts!" said Mousse to himself as he surveyed the world around him. Those new prescription contacts really payed off, as they were not as tedious as his heavy thick glasses and allowed him to see fairly clearly. "Now I can go capture Tendou Akane and force Ranma to give up his claim on Shampoo!" --- Back at the Tendo Dojo in the living room, Genma was asking Kasumi what she was cooking for dinner tonight. "Get your own dinner, ojisama!" said Kasumi. "I'm going to veg today. Akane-chan, why don't you cook tonight's dinner?" "Me cook? Are you out of your mind oneechan?!" retorted Akane. "Let me cook dinner tonight, Kasumi," volunteered Nabiki. "Sure, go ahead Nabiki-chan," said Kasumi. She then turned to Akane, "Oh yeah Akane-chan before I forget...either marry Ranma or step aside! There are other girls who are interested in him, you know...like me," chastised Kasumi, as she got hearts in her eyes. "Aahh...he's such a dreamy hunk..." "Hey wait a minute oneechan," said Akane. "I thought you liked Dr. Tofu?" "No...I liked him at first, but then I found out he really was a just a blind stumbling idiot," said Kasumi matter-of-factly. Before Akane could argue any further, Mousse charged in through the door, wrapped a chain around Akane, and ran off carrying the screaming girl, pausing to shout back at Nabiki and Kasumi, "Tell Ranma if he wants Tendou Akane back, he will meet me on the roof of the Nekohanten tonight at 6!" "Oh my," said Kasumi. Nabiki looked on with her usual unreadable expression. Just then, Ranma-chan walked in with a big smile on her face. "Hi Nabiki, Kasumi," said Ranma. "Where's Akane?" "Mousse just came in and kidnapped her," answered Nabiki matter- of-factly. "He wants you to meet him on the roof of the Nekohanten tonight at 6." "Akane's been kidnapped? Aw, let the bitch go!" said Ranma. He mused, "Maybe I'll be able to have some peace around here for a while now." "Oh yeah Ranma, I have something you might be interested in seeing," said Nabiki as she produced a couple of photos from her pocket. Ranma's eyes bugged out and she began sweating profusely, as she saw the pictures of herself and Ukyou in the Ucchan's, both completely naked and covered in love juices making passionate love to each other in various different positions. "I'm sure there's a lot of people who would be interested in seeing these pictures, unless of course you bought them off of me...for 10,000 yen each." "B-But I don't have that money!" stammered Ranma. "I'll be happy to give you a loan," said Nabiki as she grinned predatorily at Ranma. *With daily interest rates, of course...* "That's it!" yelled Ranma. "The hell with my honour! Nabiki, prepare to die!" Ranma charged Nabiki, intent on killing her. Nabiki just smiled to herself as she met Ranma's attack. --- "Oh my! What happened to Ranma, Nabiki-chan?" said Kasumi, coming back into the room after having smartly left the room when Ranma started fighting. Nabiki smiled, stepping over the unconscious and bruised form of Ranma-chan. "Oh, I just let my fists do the bargaining for me." *Too bad he managed to destroy those photos. Oh well, I'll get more easily enough.* "Geez Nabiki, why'd you have to be such a bitch and go beat up Ranma?" said Kasumi. --- Ranma-chan stumbled down the streets of Nerima, looking worse for wear grumbling about being defeated by Nabiki. She had decided to grab a bite to eat at the Nekohanten. Noticing she was at the back of the building, she decided to hop in through the window instead of circling around to the front of the building. Leaping up to the windowsill, she opened the window and jumped in, immediately being greeted by the sight of a naked Shampoo in the bathroom. Shampoo yelped as Ranma hopped into the room as she vainly attempted to cover her nude body with her hands. "Ranma! Shampoo not dressed! Get out!" *Wow, Shampoo sure looks sexy today,* thought Ranma as she drank in the sight of Shampoo's nude body, her long purple hair flowing gracefully over her luscious curves. "Ahh Shampoo, wouldn't you rather have a little fun with me?" purred Ranma, emphasizing the word 'fun'. Shampoo eeped as she retreated to the far side of the room. "Girl type Ranma! Shampoo sue!" --- Happousai retreated from a hoard of girls chasing him, with hearts in their eyes calling out phrases such as "I love you Happousai!" and "Come feel me up Happousai-chan!" "Uggh! Girls! All those curves...soft...supple...round...Blech!!" said Happousai as he continued to run. Suddenly, his gaze alighted on a book discarded in the streets. "Sweet-O! A copy of Reader's Digest!" Happousai picked the small magazine up and started reading. Being distracted by the book, the girls soon caught up to him and he found himself buried underneath a pile of female flesh. "Urk! HELP!!!" croaked the old man helplessly. --- Ryouga wandered aimlessly through Nerima, hopping from rooftop to rooftop, having lost his sense of direction again and hoping to be able to spot the Tendo Dojo easier from above. Suddenly, he spotted Mousse on the roof of the Nekohanten, guarding Akane who was tightly bounded on chains. Jumping onto the roof of the Nekohanten, Ryouga confronted Mousse. "Hey Mousse, what the heck are you doing with Akane?!" "Stay out of this Ryouga," said Mousse. "When Ranma gets here, I will force him to relinquish his claim on my Shampoo!" "Whatever. Just let Akane go!" shouted Ryouga angrily. "I will not," retorted Mousse. "Not until Ranma gets here." "That's it!" shouted Ryouga. "Prepare to die, Mousse!" He jumped into the air, pulling several razor-sharp bandannas off of his head and throwing them at Mousse. Mousse dodged out of the way, and Ryouga threw another volley of bandannas at him. *How many headbands am I wearing anyway!?* thought Ryouga. The fight between the two was suddenly cut short when it began to rain, causing them to change into their cursed forms while Akane looked on in awe at Ryouga's transformation. *P-chan and Ryouga are one and the same?!?! Cool!* thought Akane. *Who would have thought that I was sleeping with the man of my dreams every night...* Mousse quacked angrily at P-chan, but was stopped short when Akane stepped on him. Grinning evilly to herself, she began to devise a plan on getting Ryouga into her bed in his human form. --- Akane had finally coaxed Ryouga into coming to her room, after reassuring him that she wasn't mad at him for keeping his curse a secret from her. Akane gasped in pain as Ryouga pushed into her, breaking past her virgin barriers. "Ouch! Not so rough, Ryouga-kun!" said Akane. "I'm fragile." --- "Spatula girl can have Ranma," said Shampoo. "Shampoo really man trapped in woman's body!" "Wow, thanks! You're a really good friend Shampoo," said Ukyou. "Now Shampoo go seduce Akane," said Shampoo. --- "AAAHHHH...harder Ryouga-kun...OOOOH...Hi ShampooOOHHHHH," said Akane. "AAAAAAAAHHHH that feels good...Want to join us?" --- "Well Ranma, I'm glad you finally decided on who you're going to marry," said Genma as his mouth drooled at the prospect of getting to eat Ukyou's okonomiyaki every day. "Oh yes, I've been saving this for when you finally got married, Ranma." Genma produced a cask labelled Nannichuan. "What, give up my curse?! Never!" retorted Ranma-chan. "I'd miss those great multiple orgasms Ucchan gives me too much...aaahhh..." Ranma playfully caressed Ukyou's back as she gave the brunette a quick peck on the cheek. "Besides, I look really cute in this form." Ukyou giggled as she rubbed her bare breasts up against Ranma. "Well then boy, if you don't want it..." Genma opened the cask and poured the contents over himself. "By the way Ukyou, about that yatai..." "Don't worry Genma, I forgive you," said Ukyou. "What's ten years between friends?" --- "Okay everyone, time for dinner," called Nabiki, wearing Kasumi's frilly apron. Akane, Kasumi, Ryouga, Genma, Ranma, Ukyou and Shampoo came into the room, clustering around the table. Ryouga had a big grin on his face and was feeling on top of the world, from his earlier excursion in Akane's room. Shampoo felt warm all over, from the attention she had received from Akane and Ryouga. Everyone hungrily dug into the big feast Nabiki had cooked. "Wow Nabiki, this tastes really good...even better than Kasumi's cooking!" said Ranma. Nabiki smiled. "Think nothing of it." --- Kunou stood in the practice yard beside his mansion, facing a practice dummy. "I have no need of my bokken anymore," said Kunou as he dropped his wooden sword on the grass. "KACHUU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!!!" Kunou rushed at the dummy, his fists blazing at a very fast speed as he struck the dummy repeatedly reducing it to a pile of straw in a matter of seconds. Sasuke quickly zipped by, replacing the practice dummy with another one and cleaning up the remains of the old one. "Thank you for all your help Sasuke. I really appreciate it!" said Kunou. "Ahh, you're welcome Kunou-sama," said Sasuke. "May I say you are certainly in fine form tonight." "I'm not that great," said Kunou. "Ranma is much better than I'll ever be." --- The End. Well there it is, my parody of "Top Ten Rejected Lines". As usual, comments, criticisms, etc. are gratefully accepted. Please send them to pmak@cs.dal.ca. -Philip Mak (pmak@cs.dal.ca)