I knew this fic was trouble the moment I laid eyes on it. If it had been girl Ranma to have sex with all three Tendo sisters, I'd forgive it, but still... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- My Quick Disclaimer: This lemon was written by Mike Baker. It's being used without permission, and I think you can guess I don't care if I get permission. Complete disclaimer info is at my site, if you're at all curious. http://www.terisan.com (note: the site info is/was for the folks at fanfiction.net, but since they don't allow MSTs anymore, I'm including it just in case I post my stuff to other fanfiction sites.) Mystery Science Theater is owned by Best Brains. Anyone want to help me with the rest of the copyright info? Minako, Sailor Venus, Zoicite, Artemis, and Sailor Moon are owned by Toei Animation. The respective characters and copyrights belong to them. Felicia and Darkstalkers are owned by Capcom, copyrights, same deal. Lina Inverse is copyrighted by Hajime Kanzaka, Rui Araizumi, Kadokawa Shoten, TV Tokyo, and SOFTX. Ranma was created by Rumiko Takahashi and whatever company is behind her. The Poetry Man is owned by me and my company, Ink Blot Inc. Dr. Longshlong and Miss Titsalot are also owned by me and above-mentioned company. Just to give them a little added personality, Dr. L will be played by Jon Lovitz, and Miss T will be played by Catherine Zeta-Jones (just for fun). Much thanks to Greg Hawkins for the copyright info for Tenchi Muyo. A million thanks to Bryant (a.k.a. UltraZor8) for the theme song! Thanks to Ben Nunez for doing the fanart of the SoL crew. Thanks to every MiSTer out there for giving bad lemons the riffing they so richly deserve. *** In the not too distant future, Somewhere in outer space, Anime's favorite players, Are caught in a dire place. An evil doc and his busty brunette, stumbled across a tiny torture set, they found the crew and the Satellite of Love, now they're gonna rule the world from high on up above! All: Let us go, you Bastard!! I'll send them cheesy lemons, The worst I can find! (La-la-la) They'll have to sit and read them all, As I monitor their minds! (La-la-la) Now keep in mind they can't control, When the lemons begin or end, (La-la-la) But they'll try to keep their sanity, (off-stage chorus: Hopefully!) With some help from their anime friends! Anime Roll Call! Zoicite! (Cursed censors!!) Mina! (Don't get me started!) Ranma! (Water bad!) Artemis! (She's Not A Virgin!!) Felicia! (Meeroww!!) Lina! (Dragon Slave!) The Poetry Man! (Booooooobs!!!!!) If you wonder how they eat and breath, and other science facts, (La-la-la) Just repeat to yourself it's just a show, So Shut the Fu__ UP! and Relax For Mystery Science Theater, 3000!!! {twang} MST vers. 2.000000002: Water, Water Everywhere Last time, two new crewmembers were brought onto the SoL: Ranma Saotome and Lina Inverse, of the Ranma 1/2 and Slayers series respectively. Likewise, two new villains, the nutty Dr. Longshlong and his assistant, Miss Titsalot. Naturally they picked up where Megabyte left off, sending in bad lemons and hoping for insanity. Ironically, the only ones that were insane were those two. I'm overrun with weird villains... *** The Scene: The living room of the SoL (It's a dark and stormy night on the SoL...which, now that I think about it, is impossible because they're in outer space. Aaaaaaaaaaaanyway... It's night. We'll go with that.) Zoicite: No...oh no...NOOOOOOOOO!!! *bam!* Felicia: Dammit, what the hell's wrong with you?!?! Mina: Yeah, it's the middle of the damn night! Zoicite: *wakes up* Oh shit...it was horrible...I dreamt I had no breasts and no penis...and neither did Malachite! Lina: The, uh...giant naked poster of him would suggest otherwise... Zoicite: Ah yes...giant naked Malachite always makes me feel better... Lina: (to the girls) He's a little...off, isn't he? Mina: You have no idea... Felicia: Well, anyway, I wanna get back to my own dreams of giant naked men... Lina: Yeesh...so much for my dream of a neverending buffet... (The next morning in the kitchen, after said dreams of big naked men...) Poetry Man: What the fucking hell is going the hell on here?!?! Mina: What is it now, you twisted abomination of nature? Poetry Man: We're out of food!!! Felicia: What?!?! But we had a full fridge last night! Lina: Oh yeah, about that... Artemis: Oh no... Lina: Well, y'see, there was all this food in there, and I had a craving for a little midnight snack... Mina: Not again... Artemis: Get that nutjob on the TV! I want my food back! (as if on cue...) *communicator beeps* Dr. L: Hello, citizens of the satellite! All: GIVE US FOOD!!! Dr. L: Uh...maybe later. First, we have your next lemon! Miss Titsalot! Miss T: Yeah, yeah...anyway, this lemon is from Ranma 1/2, and stars the Tendo sisters. Reminds me of my college days... Ranma: Uh-oh... Poetry Man: Is there any hot lesbo action? *sweatdrop* Ranma: They're sisters, you pervert! Poetry Man: Even more reason for them to get with the cunt licking! *BAM!* Ranma: Crazy bastard... Dr. L: Riiiight...irregardless, we won't have the lemon ready for a few hours, so prepare your spleens for the inevitable! *leaves* Lina: Our... Zoicite: ...spleens? Poetry Man: Does the doctor remind anyone else of Jon Lovitz? All: No. Poetry Man: Must just be me, then... Felicia: Well, we've got a few hours till Lemon Sign, so let's get some rest. Artemis: Yeah, but first, let's get the other nutjob on the TV! *other communicator beeps* All: GIVE US FOOD!!! Shadow: Yikes! What happened to 'hello?' Zoicite: You sicced that crazy gluttonous sorceress on us, you bastard! Lina: Hey! Shadow: What, Lina? Sure, she eats a little... Mina: She cleaned out both refrigerators! Shadow: Wow...that's a lot. Artemis: Yes, it is. Now what are you gonna do about it?! Shadow: Uh...flee? Ranma: 'He who fights and runs away will get his ass kicked!' Shadow: O-kay, more food it is! All: Yay! Shadow: How about a hot spring while I'm at it? *silence* Felicia: Are you being sarcastic, or are you trying to see us all naked? Shadow: That depends...how much do want a hot spring? Lina: Not that much! Shadow: Aww...well, I'll get cracking on the food. Fill up on water till then. *leaves* Lina: Why do you guys put up with that nut? Artemis: He gives us food. Ranma: And? Felicia: He gives us more food. Lina: Good enough for me! Zoicite: Sigh...let's get us some water, then... Mina: I'll...join you in a minute... (sneaks out) The Scene: The Kitchen Felicia: Wow, that was some great water! Zoicite: I haven't poured any yet... Felicia: Just psyching myself up for a letdown... Artemis: Yeah, water's no tuna, y'know. Lina: That tuna wasn't very good either... Fel & Artemis: BUT IT WAS OUR TUNA!!! Lina: Yipe! Zoicite: Calm down, calm down, the water's ready... Lina: How do you prepare water? Zoicite: Very carefully. *sweatdrop* Zoicite: Oh, shut up. Now here's your damn water. (is this setup too obvious? Well, good, it's only water, after all) (Zoicite walks over to the table, but trips and the platter with the glasses goes flying, and...) Ranma: (entering from the living room) Hey, when's that water gonna get--AAAH!!! *crash, splash!* Ranma-chan: What the hell?! (Quick Japanese lesson: the -chan suffix is typically reserved for girls, so if I attach it to Ranma's name, that means he's in his girl form.) (cue NBC "The More You Know" music) *silence* Ranma-chan: Geez, I just cleaned this shirt... (takes off her shirt, wrings it out...and she's not wearing a bra, folks!) Artemis: Gah... Mina: Wha... Zoicite: The hell... Felicia: Holy... Lina: DOES EVERYONE ON THIS SATELLITE HAVE BIGGER BREASTS THAN ME?!?!?! Artemis: I don't... Ranma-chan: Uh, see, I have this curse... Lina: I'd love to be cursed like that! Ranma-chan: Anyway, I fell in the Spring of Drowned Girl at Juusenkyo, and now I turn into a girl when I get splashed with cold water, and-- (suddenly...) Announcer: It's the Poetry Man! Poetry Man: Shut the fuck up, you-- (sees Ranma-chan) BOOYAH!!! *grope* Ranma-chan: GAH! *SMASH!* Poetry Man: That...hurt... Ranma-chan: Asshole. Artemis: Before you ask, yes, he's always like that. Ranma-chan: Wonderful... Lina: Could you just...put your shirt back on? Ranma-chan: Huh? Yeah, fine... Felicia: So how do we undo this curse? Ranma-chan: Um...do we have any hot water? Zoicite: I took the time to chill this stuff, I'm not boiling it now! *sweatdrop* Lina: It's WATER, you busty freak! (suddenly...again...) Mina: Hey guys, what... *sees Ranma* ...THE HELL!?!? Lina: Apparently, even the guys are bigger than me... Ranma-chan: I'm cursed, dammit! Mina: Well, get uncursed! Ranma-chan: It's not that simple, I...hey, I smell food. Felicia: *sniff, sniff* Me too...it's coming from...YOU!!! Mina: What? You're crazy...I don't have any food... Artemis: Oh no?! (jumps at Mina's pocket) Then what's this? Mina: Uh...a tampon? Artemis: YAHH!! *drops it* Mina: *grabs it* Sucker! I hid a Kit Kat inside! *run!* Zoicite: After her! (cue chase scene!) Felicia: Wait, do we really want a Kit Kat that's been inside a tampon? Artemis: Since it hasn't been used, yes! Felicia: Good enough for me! (This goes on for...well, let's say for a few hours to get things rolling along) *communicator beeps* Dr. L: Hello, my liebchens! I...what the hell happened here? (Everyone's collapsed on the floor, with Mina trying to crawl away with the Kit Kat slash tampon) Mina: Need...food...not...in...tampon... Dr. L: Doesn't anyone ever feed you people? Felicia: That's supposed to be your job! Dr. L: I'm a doctor, not a supermarket. Now get in the theater, your lemon is ready. Ranma: Can't...move...need...food... Miss T: You just need to motivate them, doctor. Dr. L: I don't think taking off your top will work in this situation. *whap!* Miss T: Grrr...anyway, I've got a fresh batch of cookies for whoever-- All: COOKIES!!! (Everyone rushes into the theater at once, but only four end up getting through) Lina: Damn...do we still get cookies? Miss T: Only if you go insane. Lina: Give me a minute, I'm working on it... *entre* *dog bone* *6, movie of Hollywood execs boiling in a giant cauldron* *5, video loop of the Metroid Prime intro* *4, screenshot of Lilly, Jeane and Lucia from Suikoden 3 doing naughty things* *3, Kirby in UFO form powering up a star shot* *2, picture of Indianapolis Charmander with an erection* *1, a big wheel of gouda cheese* >Ranma 1/2: The Terrible Tendo Trio Ranma-chan: Already I don't like where this is going... >By Mike Baker > > >"There is no way you are better at it then me, Akane!" Artemis: (Akane) Oh yeah?!?! Fire up that Atari, and we'll see who's the Pong champ! > >"How would you know, Nabiki, have you ever done it?" > >"Come now girls, I'm older than both of you, and with age comes >wisdom and experience." Artemis: (Akane) And wrinkles. Poetry Man: (Kasumi) DIE, BITCH!!! > >The Tendo girls were sitting in Akane's room like they do every >Friday night and talk. Tonight's conversation took an >unexpected turn, sex. Felicia: Maybe unexpected to them... Poetry Man: Please let there be a pillow fight, please let there be a pillow fight... *BAM!* Ranma-chan: Don't you start! >"Kasumi, do you expect us to believe that you've been with a man >before?" Felicia: (Kasumi) No, but I will be by the end of the lemon, guarenteed or your sanity back! > >"Why do you think Dr. Tofu's glasses fog up every time he sees >me?" > >"His glasses have been doing that sense you were fourteen." Poetry Man: Someone likes 'em young. > >"So?" > >"You mean you lost your virginity at fourteen?" Ranma-chan: She did not! > >"Yeah." Poetry Man: Sounds like she did. Ranma-chan: You be quiet! > >"To Dr. Tofu?" > >"Yeah." Ranma-chan: Oh, come on, his glasses fog up so bad, he wouldn't know where to-- what am I saying?!?! Artemis: Since when has partial blindness ever been a deterent to sex? > >"I still say I'm better than both of you." Artemis: And this is something you brag about to your sisters? Felicia: Well, I did... Artemis: I won't ask, I won't ask... > >"Come on, Akane, there's no way!" > >"Care to make a wager, Nabiki. Say the loser has to pose for >pictures that the winner gets to sell to Kuno." Ranma-chan: And keep the originals, if Nabiki wins. > >"That's wicked, but I like it, cause there is no way I'm going >to lose." Poetry Man: (Nabiki) I'll take naked pictures of you if it's the last thing I do! > >"I think I will teach you two a lesson, count me in." Felicia: Who's talking now? Artemis: By process of elimination, I guess Kasumi. > >"But who are we going to do it with? He'd have to be someone we >all know and at least care about. Artemis: They're talking about each of them fucking the same guy to figure out who's the better slut. You'd think they'd want to pick a total and complete stranger so they aren't osticized by their friends. >He has to be a teenager and >not too much of a geek." Felicia: Well, duh... > >Just then, Happy burst through the door out the window. In came >Ranma in female form chasing after him. Ranma-chan: That's mighty familiar... > >"You old pervert! Stop grabbing my chest or I'll kill you!" Ranma-chan: KILL HIM, KILL HIM!!! > >A smile crossed all three of the girls faces. Poetry Man: (girls) We'll fuck Happy! *WHAM!!!* Ranma-chan: Don't even joke about that! > >"Ranma, wait! Do you have time to practice in the dojo?" > >"Uh, I guess." > >"Great! Let me get my gi on and you change back into a guy and >I'll meet you there, O.K.?" Felicia: So you can change back? Ranma-chan: I need hot water. Felicia: Weird curse... > >"O.K." > >When Ranma left the room, Akane made sure the door was shut. > >"I believe we have our man." > >She smiled and giggled. All: Tee-hee-hee! > >Later, in the dojo, Akane walked in and watched Ranma warm up. Poetry Man: (Akane) Are you gonna jack off all day or are we gonna fuck? > >"You ready?" > >"You bet." Artemis: (Ranma) Fifteen on black. All: *moan and groan* > >As they began to spar, Ranma noticed Akane being very >distracted. > >"What's wrong, Akane?" Felicia: (Akane) You hit me, you big meanie! > >They continued to spar as Akane answered. > >"I heard our dads talking about setting a date for the wedding. >I need to ask you...do I...do you find me attractive?" > >"How could a tomboy like you do anything for me?" Ranma-chan: Now Akane whallops me and I leave...please? > >Akane grabbed Ranma's arm and threw him to the floor. Ranma-chan: Oh, come on, I'd never leave myself open for a move like that. Poetry Man: Oh yeah? *tries to grab Ranma's arm, gets thrown across the theater* Ranma-chan: Yeah! >She then >jumped on top of him, pinning him to the floor. She then bent >down and kissed him full on the lips. Ranma was stunned. Ranma-chan: I'm stunned! >After >awhile, she broke the kiss. > >"So that didn't do anything for you?" Ranma-chan: Not a thing. > >"N...no." > >Akane grabbed the belt to her gi and pulled it off. She then >took the top of the gi off, exposing her bare chest. She >grabbed Ranma's hands and placed them on her breasts. Her head Poetry Man: Spun around like a top. >bucked back at the feel of his cold hands Felicia: (Akane) COLD HANDS, COLD HANDS!!! >on her bare breasts. >He began fondling her nipples as her pelvis rocked back and >forth against his covered manhood. > >"Oh, Akane, I feel like I'm going to explode." > >"We can't have that, now can we." Felicia: (Akane) I'd be cleaning little Ranma bits off the walls for days. Artemis: That has more sexual connotations than you realize... > >Akane stood up and took off her pants so she was completely >naked. Ranma-chan: No panties? Artemis: Considering panties tend to be ripped to shreds before sex, I can understand why she didn't wear any. >Ranma stood up and kissed her as he moved her to the >wall. Ranma then pushed her up against the wall and tells her >to stand there and spread her legs. She did what he said. Felicia: Oh, come on, one knee to the groin! It'd be so easy! >He began to kiss down her body and as he slipped a hand in between >her legs. She gasped as she felt one then two fingers slip into >her. Ranma kissed her passionately on the lips as he broke her >virgin barrier. Artemis: His fingers must be huge! Ranma-chan: ...... >He then moved his fingers Poetry Man: His fat, bratwurst fingers-- Ranma-chan: *BAP* THEY ARE NOT FAT!!! >in and out of her >vagina, building the pleasure, her pain forgotten. Felicia: (Akane) Forgotten, my ass! You'll hear from my lawyer! > >"Dr. Tofu taught me that one. He said someday I might need to >do it." Poetry Man: Little did Dr. Tofu know that Ranma would never get laid... *BAM!* Poetry Man: Okay, maybe I deserved that...but ow! > >Akane said nothing, she just gasped. All: Gasp! >Ranma continued his >probing while he bent down and began to manipulate her breasts. >Akane suddenly screamed, Felicia: (Akane) OH MY GOD, IT'S RINGO STARR!!! >coming. Her juices flowed all over his >hand. Artemis: (Ranma) Ew, it's all sticky! >Akane dropped to the floor, out of energy. She then >noticed the bulge in Ranma's pants. Felicia: (Akane) Aha, so you stole my socks! >He began to take off his >shirt Poetry Man: But he accidentally strangled himself. *BAM* >as she removed his pants. Ranma's manhood flew from its >confides. Artemis: Holy crap, it sprouted wings?! Felicia: That's not uncommon, you know. All: O_O Felicia: What? >Akane giggled in anticipation. Now it was Ranma's >turn. She massaged his balls in her left hand and began running >the length of his manhood in the other. Ranma couldn't stand it >anymore and shoved it into her mouth. It was sudden for her, >but she didn't care. She bobbed her head all the way to the >hilt and sucked it like she was possessed. Ranma-chan: That's happened before, you know... Poetry Man: The blowjob? Ranma-chan: No, being possessed. >She pulled back out >so only the head was in her mouth and began to lick the >sensitive spot under the head. She then bobbed back and forth, >rolling her tongue around him and massaging his balls. Ranma >was on the verge of exploding, but when she deep throated him, >he lost control. > >"Akane, I'm going to..." Artemis: (Ranma) Hitchhike to China! Felicia: (Ranma) Play Startropics! Poetry Man: (Ranma) Turn into a girl and eat you out proper! *WHAM!* Ranma-chan: You are REALLY getting on my nerves... > >It was too late, Ranma exploded Ranma-chan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! >deep in her throat, sending his Artemis: Postmarked checks. >seed everywhere. Akane tried to get all of it, but some of it >got all over her chin. She licked the rest of it up. Ranma's >knees buckled from underneath him and he fell on all fours. > >"Wow, Akane, that was...amazing!" > >"We're not done yet." Artemis: Aww, why not? >"You better believe we're not. Ranma-chan: No! I refuse to believe it! >Come here." > >Akane walked over to Ranma on all fours. Once there, Ranma >began to suck Ranma-chan: Hey! Felicia: Yeah, this lemon doesn't suck, it blows! >on her breasts Ranma-chan: Whose breasts? Poetry Man: Who cares, as long as there's some lesbo action! >and flick her clit. Akane started Felicia: Then stopped when she ran out of gas. >to moan as Ranma bit and pinched her nipples at the same time. >She could no longer stay on her knees. She reluctantly pulled >away from Ranma and laid down. Now he decided to give her Poetry Man: A right hook to the chin. >the lick of the life time. He spread her legs and bit down on her >clit. She screamed in pleasure. His tongue traced the opening >of her pussy from top to bottom, sending pleasure waves through >her whole body. He loved the taste of her sweet juices and >couldn't stand the anticipation. He parted her petals, Felicia: Her WHAT?! >stiffened his tongue, Felicia: He WHAT?! >and entered her. She tasted sweet, like >honey. Artemis: Just once, couldn't they taste like cranberries? Felicia: I don't wanna taste like cranberries... Ranma-chan: I don't wanna be having this conversation! >Suddenly, her hips convulsed around his tongue and she >gushed her honey all over. Poetry Man: Then a swarm of bees entered the dojo to reclaim their honey. >He lapped it up like a kid getting >his first taste of ice cream. Artemis: (Ranma) Mmm, cranberry! >Akane lifted him up and to her >and started to kiss him. She then noticed that he was hard >again. (from far, far away...) Greg: Lemon Law 24! Ranma-chan: What the hell was that? Artemis: I didn't hear anything. > >"It's time for you to enter me, my love." Artemis: (Ranma) I can't find the door. > >Ranma grabbed his dick Felicia: (penis) COLD HANDS, COLD HANDS!!! >and traced the opening of her pussy, >partly to annoy her Felicia: (Akane) You trace the alphabet again and I'll kick you where it counts! >and partly to get her wet again. When she >was finally wet enough, Ranma thrust into her as fast as he >could. Poetry Man: Unfortunately he stumbled and got it in her eye. > >Akane thought she was going to die. Poetry Man: (Akane) OH GOD, THERE'S A PENIS IN MY EYE!!! Ranma-chan: You are *really* asking for it... >She didn't know if she >could take all of Ranma again without ripping in half. She soon >got used to it and started breathing heavily. Ranma began to >pump harder and faster. Akane was clawing at his back as he >entered her deeper and deeper with every thrust. Poetry Man: (Akane) I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BRAIN!!! *BLAM, SMASH, HIT!* All: Knock it off!!! > >"Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, GOD, yes!" > >Akane's breathing became erratic and screams started escaping >her throat. Ranma-chan: (scream) I told you we wouldn't have to dig a tunnel! > >"Harder, Ranma, harder!" > >Ranma was happy to comply. Ranma-chan: Speak for myself... >He was thrusting into her as fast as >he could. Suddenly, her body shuddered and she screamed. Her >honey surged over his manhood. > >"Akane, I'm going to..." Artemis: (Ranma) Move to Malibu! Felicia: (Ranma) Bathe in tuna! Ranma-chan: Flee! > >Akane grabbed his cock and shoved it into her mouth. His seed >flew into her mouth. Artemis: Flying sperm from a flying penis... >He backed down so they were face to face >and collapsed. > >"So how was that, Ranma?" Ranma-chan: Disturbing... > >"Heh." > >They laid there for a while until it was time for bed. They >kissed goodnight and went to their rooms. > > > >(Saturday) > > > >Ranma was siting in the living-room thinking about what happened >the night before, when Akane walked in. He didn't notice her. >She snuck up behind him. > >"RANMA!" Ranma-chan: AAAAAHHHH!!! > >"YAAAAA!" > >Ranma jumped up and saw Akane behind him. > >"Uh, hi, Akane." > >Akane smiled and started speaking seductivly. > >"Hi, Ranma." Poetry Man: (Ranma) Now that we've got the small talk over with, wanna fuck? > >Ranma gulped. > >"Just kidding, I don't have time tonight, lord knows I want to. >But anyway, Nabiki wanted to see you. Something about moving >something in her room, I don't know." Felicia: You couldn't come up with a flimsier excuse? > >"Uh, O.K. I'll see you later." > >Akane made a seductive bite towards Ranma which made him gulp >even loader. She giggled as she walked out of the room. > >Ranma made his way to Nabiki's room. When he got there, Artemis: He charged into the room and knocked her out the window! >he knocked. Ranma-chan: How anti-climactic... > >"Come in." > >When Ranma got all the way into the room, the door shut behind >him and the lights went out. Artemis: Quick, grab the thermal visor and kill the shadow pirates! All: O_o >The room filled with a light haze >from the moon outside. > >"Uh, Nabiki? Are you in here?" Artemis: (shadow pirate) Yes, and how did you know my name is Nabiki?! Felicia: Okay, that's just weird... > >Ranma felt a pair of arms come under his and wrap around his >chest. He then felt a pair of what felt like a pair of breasts >then a head press up against his back. > >"Ranma, I need you." > >"Nabiki, i...is that you?" Felicia: No, it's Mr. Tendo! Ranma-chan: GAH! > >"Yes, now fuck me. I want to feel you in me. I want to taste >your come and feel your tongue on my wet pussy. But first...sit >on my bed." Artemis: (Ranma) I'm sorry, that's no longer possible. >Ranma felt Nabiki push him onto her bed. Ranma sat on the end >of the bed, ready for anything but what actually happened. Felicia: She unzipped her skin and tossed it away. >Nabiki walked up in a skin tight Felicia: Skin. >dress and kissed him on the >lips. > >"Just sit back and relax. Here, let me help you with your >clothes." > >Before Ranma could object, Ranma-chan: I object! >he was sitting on the edge of the >bed, butt-ass naked with Nabiki looking at his limp manhood. > >"We'll have to do something about that." Poetry Man: (Nabiki) Have a bucket of cold water! Ranma-chan: I'm warning you... > >Ranma was speechless. Nabiki walked into a sot Artemis: What's an English drunk doing in here? >where the light >accented her cream-colored skin perfectly. > >"You like?" Poetry Man: (sot) It's bloody lovely, it is! > >Ranma just stared, mouth wide open. Somehow, Nabiki turned on >her stereo, Ranma-chan: Being just a head in a jar and all... >because one of Enigma's CD's started to play. Artemis: Yes, because Japanese women just love American rock bands... >Nabiki began to sway back and forth with her eyes closed, losing >herself in the music. Felicia: (sings) Start to move slowly, very slowly Let the rhythm be your guiding light... >She began pulling the dress up just far >enough so that Ranma wouldn't be able to see anything under it, >but so she could slip a hand in between her legs. Ranma saw Artemis: Everything. >Nabiki pull the thong bikini bottom she was wearing off and >throw it at him. He caught it and inhaled its sweet aroma. Felicia: (Ranma) Mmm, sasparilla... >Ranma then noticed Nabiki slip her hand up her dress and then >heard her gasp. Poetry Man: (Nabiki) So that's where I put my keys! >Nabiki began to finger herself with one hand >and unzip the dress with the other. Ranma-chan: And I thought the "pat your head and rub your stomach" thing was difficult... >She reluctantly removed her >hand from her pussy and slipped the dress off. Ranma noticed >taht all she had left to take off was a garter belt and a black >lace bra. She walked toward Ranma. Poetry Man: And fell out the window. >Ranma reached for her. Poetry Man: And got pulled out. Ranma-chan: I'd be mad, but that's happened before... > >"Ah, ah. I'm not done yet." > >Nabiki removed her bra. She slowly began to dance to the music, >swaying her large breasts in front of Ranma's face. Ranma's >earlier problem was now rectified. Ranma-chan: That sounds painful... >Nabiki grabbed him and began >to jack him off. Nabiki bent down and licked the tip, teasing >him. Felicia: (Nabiki) Nya nya! > >"Nabiki, please, no more teasing. Ranma-chan: I'm rubber and you're glue. >I need you." > >"Not just yet. Help me come." > >Ranma jumped up and grabbed Nabiki and threw her Poetry Man: Out the window! >onto the bed. >He violently spread her legs Artemis: Then they sprang back and clipped him in the head. >and shoved three fingers into her >tight pussy. He slowly worked his way in and out. Finally, he >reached her vaginal barrier. > >"Nabiki, cover your mouth." > >Nabiki did what she was told. Ranma quickly broke it and began >to move in and out faster to build up the pleasure. Nabiki >began to buck at the intensity of his thrusts. He began to Ranma-chan: Why am I always starting things? >bite >her clit, making her buck even more. Nabiki couldn't believe >how high she was. Poetry Man: Yeah, baby, smoke a little to get in the mood! Ranma-chan: (to the others) Do I want to know what he's talking about? Artemis: No... >Finally, she came with a violent jerk Felicia: I thought she came with Ranma? Artemis: By Akane's account, it's the same thing. Ranma-chan: Hey! >of her >hips. Her juices flew forth, Ranma sucking Ranma-chan: Nobody say nothin'! All: Aww... >it all up. Ranma >crawled up and kissed her. > >"Ranma, put your dick in my mouth. I want to taste you." > >"Only if get to taste that sweet pussy of yours." Ranma-chan: ......I'm gonna go take my dad's advice and perform seppuku. Artemis: Oh, sit down! > >Nabiki opened her legs around Ranma's head as she laid on top of >him. Like she hadn't been fed in week's, she grabbed Ranma's >dick and shoved it into her mouth. > >"Mmmmm." Felicia: (Nabiki) Needs salt. > >Ranma parted Nabiki's labe's Felicia: Her WHAT?! Artemis: *whisper, whisper* Felicia: Oh, they are not! See? *shows him* *sweatdrop* >and shoved two fingers into her. >With his other hand, he began lightly brushing up against her >clit. Nabiki began to moan with Ranma's dick in her mouth. His >legs began to Ranma-chan: You notice how everyone begins to do everything? Artemis: All too well... >tense up. He did the only thing he could to keep >from exploding, Poetry Man: And threw water on the fuse. >he shoved his tongue into her tight pussy. He >started pinching her clit while licking the inside of her pussy. >Before he knew it, Nabiki came all over his face. > >Nabiki felt herself come and deep throated Ranma. That was the >last he could take and came deep in her mouth. > >"Mmmm, good!" > >Nabiki swallowed every last drop. Ranma heard the Enigma CD >start over. *silence* Felicia: What? I'm not singing that crap again. >Nabiki turned around and crawled up to Ranma. He >held her in his arms, basking in the moon light. Before long, Poetry Man: She transformed into a werewolf!!! >Ranma was hard again and Nabiki mounted him. Ranma's manhood >slipped into Nabiki with a little friction, but soon it was >sliding in and out with ease. Artemis: A teflon coating will do that for you. > >Nabiki was tight, maybe even tighter than Akane. Soon, Nabiki >was practically jumping on top of Ranma, Felicia: (Nabiki) Boingy boingy! >like a wild animal. >Ranma thought he would come at any second. Just then, Poetry Man: He exploded. >Nabiki came. She couldn't help but Poetry Man: Be disappointed. Ranma-chan: Hey, come on, now! >scream. The sudden feeling of >liquid rushing over his manhood sent Ranma over the edge. As >fast as she could, Nabiki jumped of Ranma and ingested his dick Ranma-chan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! SHE ATE IT!!! Poetry Man: Tough break... >into her mouth. Ranma came in a sudden buck of his hips. Ranma-chan: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!?!? IT'S GONE!!! >Nabiki savored every drop like it was her last. Nabiki fell >asleep right there in Ranma's arms. > >The next morning, when Nabiki woke up, Ranma was gone. She >couldn't help but giggle. Ranma-chan: I'LL KILL HER!!! (leaps at the screen) Felicia: Down, boy! (grabs him) > > > >[Sunday] > > > >Ranma just sat on top of the Tendo house, thinking. Poetry Man: (Ranma, thinking) I wonder if I can nail Kasumi... > >"That's weird. First Akane and now Nabiki! Something really >strange is going on. One thing is for sure, I'm not telling >Akane about last night." > >"Ranma! Would you come and help me in the kitchen?!" Artemis: (Ranma) Sure, Akane! We can talk about my night of sex with Nabiki! Ranma-chan: Not funny... > >"Sure, Kasumi! I'll be right down!" Poetry Man: Right down to nail her! *WHAP* > >As Ranma made his way to the kitchen, he continued to think >about what was happening. > >"Hey, Kasumi, where is everyone?" > >"They went to a carnival in town. They tried to find you, but >couldn't." Ranma-chan: Flimsiest. Excuse. Ever. > >"Oh, anyway, what did you need help with?" > >"Could you get the pot up there for me, I can't seem to reach >it." Poetry Man: Looks like this girl needs to smoke a little to get in the mood too! Artemis: It's a cooking pot, you waste of human skin... Felicia: He's human? Artemis: I assume so... > >Ranma grabs the pot and hands it Kasumi. > >"Here. I'm going to go take a bath. Let me know if you need >anymore help." Felicia: (Kasumi) I could use some sex. Ranma-chan: There's no getting out of it, is there? Felicia: Nope, sorry. > >"O.K., I will." > >Ranma walked into the laundry room and undressed. He then >entered the bathroom and drew himself a bath. While the water >was running, he thought he hear the laundry room door shut. > >"Must have forgotten to shut the laundry room door. I must be >more preoccupied than I thought. It's a good thing Kasumi >didn't walk by earlier." > >As Ranma settled into the water, he heard the bathroom door open >and then shut. Ranma whipped around. > >"Kasumi!! What the HELL are you doing?!?!" Felicia: (Kasumi) Killing you to get your life insurance! > >"Ever sense Felicia: (Kasumi) Our lives are being controlled by bad writers? >the day after you and your father enter our lives, >sense the day you held me in those strong arms of yours, I have >wanted you." > > >[Flashback] All: FLASH! > >Ranma was about to knock on Akane's bedroom door. > >"Well if he's so cool, Nabiki, then you marry him!!" Ranma-chan: (Nabiki) Okay, I will! And I'll get a great tax break out of the deal, too! > >Ranma backed away from the door. > >"Man. Who needs a tomboy like her anyway." > >Ranma jumped the railing to the stairs. He didn't see Kasumi >walking up the stairs with two buckets of cold water. Ranma >slipped on a step and found Kasumi in his arms, screaming. Poetry Man: (Kasumi) TAKE ME NOW!!! >After a second, she knew it was a mistake Felicia: (Kasumi) Oh, you're not Dr. Tofu... Ranma-chan: Why me... >and they looked deep >into each others eyes. > > > >[End Flashback] > > > >"I remember that. I also remember I was about to kiss you when >I noticed..." Ranma-chan: Nobody say nothin'! All: But--! Ranma-chan: Not in my universe, you don't! > >"When you noticed your dad in panda form and my dad standing >there sopping wet." > >"Yeah. I almost couldn't stop from laughing." Artemis: (Nelson) Ha-hah! > >"Ranma, that day changed my life forever. I wanted you then and Felicia: (Kasumi) I don't want you now, but I don't want to pose for naked pictures. >I still want you now." > >"Kasumi, I..." > >"Shhh. Let me please you. I must." > >Kasumi stepped into the tub and Poetry Man: Dropped the soap. >kneeled over Ranma's lap. >Kasumi kissed him and then slipped into the water until she >reached his manhood. Ranma was fully erect, he had been sense >he saw her bountiful breasts Artemis: Absorb the water through the patented thirst pockets! Felicia: That's the power of Bounty! Ranma-chan: That's just awful... >sway back and forth. Kasumi >started running Ranma-chan: And didn't stop till she got to her therapist. >her hand up and down his length, making him >groan. Kasumi slowly stuck his dick in her mouth. She began >bobbing her head forward and back, licking of his dick. Ranma >grabbed her head. > >"MY GOD, KASUMI!! You're good!!" > >Encouraged by Ranma's words, Artemis: Kasumi became a good girl and never did such things again... >Kasumi began to speed up. Ranma >couldn't help but moan. Ranma-chan: (moaning) Why meeeee... >Kasumi began licking behind the head >while massaging his balls. Ranma began to move his hips as he >fucked Kasumi's face. Ranma was higher than he had ever been >and was getting higher. *WHAM!* Poetry Man: I didn't even say anything! Ranma-chan: You were going to! Poetry Man: ......yeah, okay... > >"My...GOD!!" Artemis: (god) I'm not your god anymore, Captain Incestor... > >Ranma shoved his dick deep into Kasumi's throat and came. >Kasumi managed to swallow all of it without spilling a drop. > >"Mmmm, it's so good." Artemis: (Kasumi) I love cranberries! Ranma-chan: Grr...if you weren't a cat, I'd...wait...EEK! (runs) Artemis: ...the hell's his problem? (Note: Ranma is deathly afraid of cats for reasons I won't go into now. And in case you're about to ask why I didn't address this little fear in the last episode, I forgot. So sue me.) > >"Man, Kasumi, how'd you get do good?" > >"Ask Dr. Tofu." Poetry Man: (Dr. Tofu) You see, Ranma, some girls are natural blowjob experts. Greg: (from far, far away) Lemon Law 19! > >"That explains a lot." > >Ranma felt the sudden urge to eat Kasumi's pussy. Felicia: He couldn't get an urge to take up stamp collecting? Ranma-chan: (from the back of the theater) I hate stamps! >He picked her >up and set her on the side of the tub. He spread her legs and >slipped three fingers into her. > >"Mmmm, yes. I like that." > >Ranma started nibbling her clit and pinching her nipples. >Kasumi couldn't help but pant. She grabbed Ranma's head and >shoved it toward her pussy, pressing it into her. Ranma removed >the fingers and started nibbling on the labs. Poetry Man: I thought they didn't eat dogs in Japan. Artemis: Oh, that's just wrong... > >"Stick your tongue in me now!" > >Ranma was happy to ablige. He began licking her walls Felicia: (Ranma) Mmm, flavored wallpaper... Artemis: (Ranma) The strawberries taste like strawberries! The snozberries taste like snozberries! Poetry Man: Snozberries? Whoever heard of a snozberry? >with >intensity, that she came, but Ranma couldn't stop. Ranma-chan: Stop, stop, stop! Artemis: Would you sit down, damn it?! I'm a guardian of the moon, if that helps. Ranma-chan: Not really... Artemis: Well, deal with it, you freaky weirdo. Ranma-chan: Speak for yourself... (sits back down) >He loved her >taste and wanted more. He continued with his lick fest until >she came again and then again. > >"Ranma, please stop. I want you in me before I pass out." > >Ranma did as he was told and Felicia: Knocked Kasumi unconscious. >shoved his dick deep into Kasumi. >She gasped at the feeling. Felicia: (Kasumi) Squishy! >No matter how many times she did it, Artemis: She couldn't figure out what possessed her to get into this bet. >she couldn't get used to the pleasure she felt. She pulled away >from Ranma and, getting on her hands and knees with the water >beating her in the face, Poetry Man: With a right jab, and a left! Ranma-chan: That's some violent water. >begged Ranma to do her Doggy-style. >Ranma was quick to answer Artemis: (Ranma) 2 + 2 = 5! Wait...damn it! >by shoving his drenched dick into >Kasumi's tight pussy. Ranma pounded away at her as hard as he >could. > >"Yes! Harder, harder, yes!" Felicia: Greedy girl, ain't she? > >Without warning, Felicia: The penguins invaded! Artemis: The penguins? Felicia: They've been waiting for this moment for a long time! >Kasumi came. Ranma felt Ranma-chan: Pretty nauseous... >her pussy muscles >convulse around him, but he was far from coming. Kasumi's >breasts were swaying back and forth underneath the water, while >Ranma slammed her from behind. Again, Kasumi came. Ranma >continued to pump her when suddenly Artemis: The oil joke well ran dry. Felicia: Nooooo! >Kasumi pulled away, and >pushed Ranma to the edge of the tub. She crawled on top of him >and shoved his dick back into her pussy. Kasumi was breathing >and panting so much that Ranma thought she was Poetry Man: Turning into a dog. >going to pass >out. Ranma started to play with Kasumi's breasts and clit, >kneeding them and pinching them. Suddenly, she came again. >Ranma couldn't stand it anymore. Ranma-chan: I've got to get out of here! Felicia: Settle down, it's almost over. Unless there's another sister somewhere... > >"Kasumi, I'm going to..." > >Kasumi jumped off him and deep throated him just as he exploded. Artemis: Oh, come on! Felicia: No human has reflexes like that! Poetry Man: Yeah, they do. They all work in hardcore porn. Ranma-chan: GAH! Don't even suggest that, you freak! Poetry Man: Hey, watch the videos and see for yourself. > >"Wow. That was great, Kasumi!" > >"Mmmm, yeah, it was." > >After a while, Ranma and Kasumi washed up and left the bathroom >where, just hours ago, they were making love. > >Kasumi went to the kitchen and started on dinner and Ranma went >to the Dojo to practice. > >"What the HELL did I just do?!?! I just slept with Kasumi!! >She's...she's like a big sister to me!!!! GOD DAMN IT!!! Artemis: (god) I'm working on it, I'm working on it! >Now I >have slept with every Tendo sister!! If Akane finds out, she's >going to kill me!!!!" Ranma-chan: No, she'll kill me if I don't say that she's the 'best...' > >While Ranma practiced, he continued to think about each >encounter. Poetry Man: (Ranma) Nabiki really was the best. > >[Sunday Night] > > > >Ranma walked down the hall toward his room, when Akane >interrupted his thought. Ranma-chan: I have more than one, y'know! > >"Ranma, could you come into my room for a minute?" Ranma-chan: Not again, dammit! Didn't they set a limit on the number of tries? > >"I...I don't have time for that right now, Akane, I'm real >tired, tonight." > >Akane giggled. "I wonder why? Poetry Man: (Ranma) I've been having sex with your sisters! Ranma-chan: You wouldn't last two minutes with Akane... >Anyway, I just want to talk to >you." > >"Oh. O.K." > >Ranma and Akane walked into her room. Ranma nearly fell over >when he saw Kasumi and Nabiki sitting on Akane's bed, smiling. Ranma-chan: *falls over* > >"Wha...what's going on?" Poetry Man: It's orgy time! *BAM!* Ranma-chan: Forget Akane, I'm gonna knock the hell out of you! > >"Ranma, we need to ask you a question." > >"O...O.K." > >"Ranma we know that you slept with each of us." > >"Akane, please don't kill me!! Artemis: (Akane) I'm sorry, but Mr. Shotgun insists. >I'm sorry!! I didn't mean to!! >It just sort of happened!!!" > >"It's O.K., Ranma. It was my idea." > >"Your kidding me, right? What's going on?" Felicia: (Akane) We've made an incestuous pact to drive you insane! Artemis: Better than reading bad lemons! >"We want to know which one of us was better." Artemis: (Akane) And remember, Mr. Shotgun gets mighty upset at rejection! > >"WHAT?!?!?!?!" > >"Which one of us gave you more pleasure?" > >"You mean you engineered this?" > >"Yeah, we made a bet with each other that the winner got to take >pictures of the other two and sell them to Kuno for a large sum >of cash." Ranma-chan: You know, when you say it like that, it sounds even more creepy... > >"Kasumi, you got in on this?" Felicia: (Kasumi) I got off on it, too! Artemis: Argh... > >Kasumi just smiled. > >"So, tell us!" > >"Hmmm, well, Akane was good, but Nabiki did give me a good >striptease and Kasumi can give head like no ones business. Ranma-chan: Why am I talking here? I should be running. Why am I not running?! >I'd say if you were all one woman, I'd be the luckiest guy on the >face of the planet." > >"That's not an answer!!" > >"It's just going to have to do, bye!" > >"Ranma, get back here!!" > >And so Akane ran after Ranma, ready to beat him to a bloody >pulp. Ranma-chan: Now that's something familiar. > >"Oh, well, he was good, though, wasn't he, Kasumi?" > >"Yeah." > > >The > >End Ranma-chan: Finally! > > >As usual, the characters depicted in this story are the property >of Viz Video and Rumiko Takahashi Ranma-chan: Who? Felicia: Beats me. >and if you say otherwise I >will have to hunt you down and kill you. Artemis: Only if we don't kill you first... >Thank you for reading >my "interesting" story. If you have any comments send them to >Shinji_2@hotmail.com. I am always open to suggestions. thanks. > *egress* Ranma-chan: Where's my damn cookies?! Dr. L: Excuse me? Artemis: We were promised cookies, and we damn well earned them! Miss T: You only get cookies if you go insane. Artemis: Dammit, this is cruelty to animals! Felicia: And cruelty to animal/human hybrids! Ranma-chan: Wait a sec...you're part cat? YAAAAAAAAHHH!!! *runs* Felicia: I was wondering when she'd notice that. Dr. L: Okay, what the hell is going on here? (suddenly...) Lina: WHERE'S MY FOOD?!?! Zoicite: Hold on, I'm boiling it now! Lina: NO MORE WATER!!! Zoicite: It's not water, I found a bunch of ramen cups. All: Yay! Zoicite: Now you see that preparing water is important, right? All: NO, JUST MAKE THE NOODLES!!! Zoicite: Oh, fine... (suddenly...again...) Ranma-chan: (running) YAAAAAAHHH!!! Felicia: (chasing) Oh, stop screaming, you big baby! Mina: Zoi, fire up that ramen...we're gonna need sustanence to get through this crap. Zoicite: Didn't you have a Kit-Kat bar? Mina: Uh...YIPE! (flees) Lina: COME BACK HERE!!! (chases) Zoicite: Ugh...I need some water... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay, no more water gags, or at least not as many. Next up, gay showers! Oh yeah, you're gonna wanna read that one, yes you are! Moving away from the yaoi activity for a moment, I've found a great lemon to MST, thanks to the magic of picking randomly from the Sakura archives. Now, on the next episode... Soap Opera Basement (SOB) starts sweeps week! Ranma gets a few new suitors! Felicia helps Ranma get over his fear of cats the best way she knows how!! The doctor learns the magic of video games!!! All this and that on the next episode of: Mystery Science Theater 3000! Reef: When the hell are we gonna be in the episodes? Alysa: Yeah, aren't we in the plot anymore? Shadow: Aw, come on, I wouldn't leave us out. Alysa: So what do we do now that we've destroyed NOA headquarters and gave Miyamoto a sushi dinner? Reef: Grrr... Shadow: Um...I'll think of something. Kuragari no Hateshiganai no Sensei Shadow