From: Ranma Al'Thor, ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu Subject: [FFML] [C and C] MYstery Fanfic Commentary Theatre 3000 present In the not-too-distant future-- Next Sunday A.D.-- There was a guy named Bailesu, Not too different from you or me. He studied at the University of Maryland, Just another grad student in a red t-shirt He did a good job studying Merry old England, But his professors didn't like him So they shot him into Kansas... We'll send him lots of fanfic, The most we can find (la-la-la). He'll have to sit and read them all, And we'll monitor his mind (la-la-la). Now keep in mind Bailesu can't control Where the fanfics begin or end (la-la-la) Because he used that part of the budget To hire some helpful friends. Commentator Roll Call: (Let's go!) John Walter Biles as Dread Space Pirate Bailesu! (The egotistical God of Fanfiction, just ask him :)) Amy Anderson as Mizuno Ami! (The helpful commentator) Max Weber(The useless commentator) If you're wondering how he finds time to eat and study and other grad school facts (la la la), Then repeat to yourself, "It's his life, I should really just relax For Mystery Fanfic Commentary Theatre 3000!" [Scene opens on Bailesu and Ami. They are already in the theatre. Ami is typing something on her computer while Bailesu is eating a TV dinner.] Dr. Price: [appears on the screen] Hello! Bailesu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Price: Just wait until you actually SEE the story to scream plase? Bailesu: Gomen. Ami: Who's the guest commentator? Dr. Price: Max Weber, author of The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism. [Max Weber walks in.] Max Weber: Guten Tag! Dr. Price: Well, today's film is another lemon from Caroline Seawright. Max Weber: I thought this was going to be a story. Bailesu: It is a story...with...umm... Ami: [blushes] Some naughtiness. Max Weber: Ahh, so she is an associate of Sigmund Freud? Bailesu: Something like that... [The screen clicks to life. And the story begins...] ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ranma nibun no ichi - 7 - A Mother's Love [WARNING : Lemon fanfic!] All characters portrayed in this fanfic are copyright of Rumiko Takahashi and Shogakukan Inc, etc, etc, etc. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- "After all that trying, recently... another baby!" Ranma grinned. The couple had discussed the idea of having another child, and ended up deciding to plan for their next baby. It still came as a slight shock to Ranma that his wife was pregnant again so soon after their decision, but he was happy. Max: I take it they still don't have sex education in your schools. Does he still think it comes from under a cabbage? Ami: I certainly hope not. Akane reached up and stroked Ranma's cheek gently, "And we are ready, this time... And Ukyou and I will be pregnant together!" Bailesu: They got each other pregant? [blinks] Ami: I think she means at the same time. Max: Maybe they are carrying the same baby. Ami: ... Ranma nodded, then hmmmed softly, "I wonder what their kid will be like..." Max: I was right! They ARE carrying the same baby! Ami: ... As they ate, Ranma looked around the table at his parents and his father- in-law, then down to little Miyabi who was busily eating her food. He Ami: Miyabi, who was busily eating her food. "A baby?" "Congratulations!" "Wow! We're both pregnant together!" "Where are we?" "Shampoo so happy for you!" "You're not Akane, are you?" "Welcome, everyone!" "Break out the sake!" "No, I've brought along the champagne!" "How could this cur do this to you, yet again, Akane-kun?" Max: [his head spins like the exorcist] Can't...take..guessing...who...said...what...AAAAAA!!!! [faints] With a huge splash, both Ranma and Genma landed in the water. Miyabi laughed and pointed. "Papa and grandpapa fell in the water!" she squealed happily. It was one of the highlights of her day to see her father turn into a girl, and her grandfather into a panda. Max: .... Ami: You didn't know? Max: I'm a historian, not a biologist. Genma-panda, having finished all the food he could find, held up a sign, 'Son, haven't you learned, YET?' Ranma grabbed the sign and slammed it over her father's head, "Shut up, baka oyaji!" Max: I'm beginning to sense this family does not follow Confucian values. Ami: And what was your first clue? She smiled as she listened to Kunou's latest flowery speech about her. She didn't know why she liked listening to him, because it seemed to annoy just about everyone else... But he was the only one to really pay attention to Ami: you shouldn't start a sentence with but. Azusa and Tsubasa, both dressed in similar frilly, pink dresses, waited outside the Nekohanten for it to open. Neither of them bothered to actually check to see if the restaurant was open. So they waited for the rest of the evening, chattering away happily into the cold, dark night. Max: Ahh, lesbianism. Ami: Umm...not exactly. Ranma grinned, "Well, who wouldn't want to miss out on your great okonomiyaki and that special sauce?" Bailesu: I hope McDonald's doesn't sue. "Ne, Ukyou. How's the baby going?" Akane asked, watching her friend at work. Max: What, she can't tell? It's the same baby, right? Ami: ... Bailesu: I suspect not. The kunoichi, now part-time pig farmer, smiled and helped Akari up. "Well, we should go and eat, ne?" Max: Wait, isn't the kunoichi writing the story? Is this a cameo by the author? Bailesu: ... Ami: I hope not. while. Eventually Akane looked outside, "It's getting late... Ranma and I should go now. You and I both need our rest, Ukyou." Max: So your baby will be okay. Bailesu: They're not the joint parents of ONE baby! Akane blushed a little as Ranma's small hands slid around her stomach, gently stroking over her delicate skin. "B...but we haven't done it like *this* in so long!" Max: I was right. This was written by one of Mr. Freud's associates. Ami: More like one of Mr. Kinsey's... Akane leaned back against Ranma, her heart beat starting to speed up... As Ranma gently played with her breasts, her nipples tingled and hardened... and the slow tingling started to build up between her legs... She reached behind her and squeezed Ranma's hips gently in her hands, pressing back against her. Max: So this expresses Akane's repressed desire for her mother, who she lost. Ami: [shivers slightly] Something like that. Ranma responded by lightly nibbling at Akane's neck, and a hand starting to make its way down Akane's torso and stomach, going over her fine, soft curves, "Mm... you're warm already, Akane..." Max: And he too longs for his mother, from whom he was long seperated. Bailesu: Yes, of course. [to Ami] Kill me now, please. Ami: [To bailesu] Later. Trying not to die of embarrassment. As they fondled each other, both of them started to get turned on more and more, the build up slow and steady. Both of their voices whimpered with pleasure, both wanting the other to push them over the edge... but both still wanting to continue just touching their love... Max: The edge of the bed? Ami: [twitches] Yeah, yeah, of course. As Ranma pressed back up against her, he could feel her fragrant honey dripping down to run over her inner thighs and sex... "Akane..." she whispered in between moans... And slid one hand down, between then, to slide between her legs. Max: Hmm. Use of honey in sexual activity. Could indicate a food fetish. Ami: [blushes more] Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. [grabs Bailesu] Walk me there. Bailesu: Isn't that kinda weird? Ami: [twitches more] DO IT! [She drags him out of the room.] [Beside a Sign, Reading 'Welcome to Nerima, Population: Variable'] Max: Ahh, a sociologist made this sign. She took one of the little spring rolls, and dipped it in the pink sauce. She smiled over at Ranma, who blinked a little but smiled back. Making sure his eyes were still on her, she parted her lips a little, and ran her tongue, ever so slowly, through the sauce on the roll. Then she slipped the sauce covered end of the roll into her mouth. Max: More sexual repression. Terrible. Terrible. [Ami and Bailesu return, rather flushed] Max: I think you two need to get more fresh air. Ami: [smiles] Much better. Miyabi, now finished, looked at her parents, blinked, then wandered off to play with her toys in the corner of the room. Akane started to rock the spring roll into her mouth, swaying a little herself. Giving a soft "Mmmm," she worked the roll faster... Ranma, fidgiting, tried to speak, "A...a...anou... Aka...." He gulped again, his hands moving to his thighs. He tried again, "A...akane." Max: Truly this is a masterwork of the examination of warped human sexuality. Shampoo and Mousse strolled through the streets, hand in hand. As they neared the doujou, Mousse abruptly pulled Shampoo with him, flattening them both against a wall. Max: That has to hurt. Bailesu: Oww. I know Caroline doesn't like Shampoo, but having Mousse and her commit suicide, just like that... Ami: I don't think suicide is what this means... A small figure bounded through the country side, laughing evilly. Half way through it's laugh, it smashed straight into a tree. "Urk." Ami: its laugh, as they turned to her. She held up a small band of cloth that looked as if it had been torn. A few tassels were dangling from either end, and some long strands of dark hair were still attached to it. "It Hiibaa-chan who do this." Max: Someone's hibachi did the kidnapping? Ami: No, someone's great-grandmother... He was startled by the phone ringing in the waiting room. He looked at the clock and sighed, "Who could be calling at this time of night?" Bailesu: Elvis. Max: The Angel of Death. Ami: My agent, I hope... "Thankyou, Oba-san," Kasumi placed the receiver down. Ami: Thank you. Max: You're welcome. Ami: No, that's a textual correction. [Much fighting goes by] Max: Hmm. Was the long fight scene an expression of supressed lust or was it... Ami: I thought you didn't do this sort of analysis. Max: Not enough Calvinists in this movie to do my usual thing. Bailesu: No Hobbists, either. [They both clobber him.] [Finis] John Walter Biles : MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu bailesu@komodo.hacks.arizona.edu http://www.hacks.arizona.edu/~bailesu/falcon.html http://www.dhp.com/~wraven/john/index.html "It's good to kill the King." "I still think the Saxons should have put a higher price on our heads. I'm more valuable than 25 librum." --Frequent quotes from our PENDRAGON sessions.