From: "Ranma al'Thor " Subject: [C&C] MFCT 3000 does "Too Much Wedded Bliss" by Caroline Seawright In the not-too-distant future-- Next Sunday A.D.-- There was a guy named Bailesu, Not too different from you or me. He studied at the University of Maryland, Just another grad student in a red t-shirt He did a good job studying that British place, But his professors didn't like him So they shot him into Kansas... We'll send him lost of fanfic, The most we can find (la-la-la). He'll have to sit and read them all, And we'll monitor his mind (la-la-la). Now keep in mind Bailesu can't control Where the fanfics begin or end (la-la-la) Because he used that part of the budget To hire some helpful friends. Commentator Roll Call: (Let's go!) John Walter Biles as Dread Space Pirate Bailesu! (The egotistical God of Fanfiction, just ask him :)) Amy Anderson as Mizuno Ami! (The helpful commentator) David Hasslehoff as Morobishi Ataru (The useless commentator) If you're wondering how he finds time to eat and study and other grad school facts (la la la), Then repeat to yourself, "It's his life, I should really just relax For Mystery Fanfic Commentary Theatre 3000!" >(Note - No lemon ... yet) Ataru: [frothing] NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I only took this gig just for that! Ami: Whew. I really can't afford those tissue paper bills. [Scene cuts to the University of Maryland History Department] Dr. Richard Price: Well, boys and girls, this week's experiment is a Lemon Fanfic from Caroline Seawright. Ataru: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Oh baby, baby! Ami: Wait, I thought it said no lemon... Dr. Richard Price: BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! Anyway, enough maniacla laughter. On with the show....Better keep those comments coming! ============================================================================== Ranma nibun no ichi - Too Much Wedded Bliss??? [Warning: Lemon Fanfic] All characters portrayed in this fanfic are copyright of Rumiko Takahashi and Shogakukan Inc. etc, etc, etc... ______________________________________________________________________________ Warning: This story is not only ecchi, it's mushy and syrupy too... Sort of ************ like a jam donut... Mmmmmm... Donuts... (gurgle) ************* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ataru: [drooling] Donuts... [Akane & Ranma's Room] >Akane sat on the bed, nursing Miyabi. The little baby girl had grown >extremely quickly in the last year, and she was already attempting to >walk. She was also remarkably strong for her age, which did not help >when combined with her mobility and curiosity. Ranma and Akane had >learned to keep a lot of things out of her way. At least they didn't >own anything breakable. As anything that Miyabi would be able to break, >had already been broken by Akane, mostly over Ranma's head. Ami: You might want to try "own anything breakable, since anything that" instead of splitting it into two sentences. Ataru: I think you need to open with a lemon scene, just to give the flavor of the piece. [Ami mallets Ataru] Bailesu: No, lemon stories don't normally start in media res. You need an excuse to have sex first. >Miyabi giggled, loving having her father play games with her. She >wrapped her small arms around his neck, grabbing his pigtail with one >hand. "Papa!" She tugged at his hair. Ataru: Looks like incest to me. Clutching the pigtail is clearly symbolic of... [Ami mallets Ataru.] >Akane stuck her tongue out at Ranma, "At least she doesn't have your >brains!" Ataru: How could he function if someone else had his brains? Not to mention, I'd assume he only has one like... Bailesu: At least she doesn't want to eat his brains... [Ami mallets both of them.] >Ranma pulled a face back at Akane, causing Miyabi to giggle more. Ami: Ranma made a face back at... >Everyone was gathered in the doujou for Miyabi's first birthday. There >was a table laden with food, and it, was obvious that Kasumi and Nodoka >had been Ami: food, and it was obvious... >busy all day, preparing for the party. Ukyou, Ryouga, Shampoo, Mousse, >Kodachi, Mikado, Nabiki, Kunou, Azusa, Nodoka, Genma, Kasumi, >Toufuu-sensei, Souun, Gosunkugi and chibi Hinako-sensei were all there. Ami: You might want to describe where they were, rather than just saying they were there...this gives an impression of them standing in a sort of formless mob. Ataru: You might want to describe the heaving bosoms of the women as they breathed in and out and in and... [Ami pulls a lever. An anvil falls on Ataru.] Akane ground her foot into Ranma's sternum and he shut up. Ataru: I take it they're into S&M... [He instinctively flinches but nothing happens. Ami seems to be busy reading through some sort of catalog.] Bailesu: That would insinuate he likes being hit... >Ryouga smiled at her, loving the little girl already. He pulled a face >at her, Ami: He made a face at her, Ataru: Maybe he's pulling her face. Bailesu: I certainly hope not. >Most of the party had died down. Genma and Souun were playing shogi. Nodoka >was nursing Miyabi. Gosunkugi was trying to explain magic to Hinako-sensei, Ami: nursing with a bottle, I assume? >Mikado, relieved to have Azusa gone, took Kodachi in his arms and started >kissing her in earnest. Ataru: Did he start talking to Vern? How did Earnest react to this? Bailesu: [thinking] Next time, I'm hiring someone who can't speak... >Ryouga blushed, still shy at expressing his affections in public. "Hai, >Ukyou-chan." Ataru: Rip her clothes off, right there! Right now! [Ami goes and makes a phone call.] Bailesu: I think he'd just faint, Ataru, if she did that. Ataru: Awww. >*************************** >*****INSERT LEMON HERE***** How about a squash?! Equal rights for fruit! >*************************** Ataru: WAAAHHH!!!!!! I can't see anything! I want mad passionate sex and I want it now! Bailesu: Sorry, you're not my type. [Ami smiles quietly.] *************************** *****INSERT LEMON HERE***** *************************** Ataru: [on his knees] Oh, please let me see SOMETHING before the end of this story! Lum always zaps all my girlie magazines! Bailesu: My heart bleeds reconstructed ketchup for you, Ataru. [Ami simply smiles more.] >"Hmmm. Your grandfather, no matter his looks, was a man among men...not to >mention a woman among women! I have no choice but to accept. Please look >after my granddaughter." Ataru: Bleah!!!!!! I was hoping for a really H girl-girl scene! Ami: Remind me never to introduce you to Haruka and Michiru... [checks her watch, moves back one row of seats from Ataru] >[Akane & Ranma's Room] >Akane sat up and stretched, yawning. Ranma remained lying on the bed, his >arms behind his head as he watched his wife. beautiful,> he thought, staring at the soft, smooth skin of her back. > He smiled, running his eyes down her back, >gazing at the curves of her torso. As she half-turned towards him, his >eyes followed her turning frame, tracing up and over her well-formed >breasts, then up to gaze into her large eyes. Ataru: NOW THIS IS WHAT I WANNA SEE MORE OF! WOO WOO! [Ami tugs Bailesu back one row from Ataru. A faint noise like a plane can be heard somewhere overhead] >Akane moved her body, pressing down until she lay against Ranma. She smiled >and kissed his lips softly as her breasts pressed against his chest. She >whispered, "Not if you can think of something better to do..." Ataru: DO IT! DO IT NOW! [Ami hands Bailesu a radiation suit and a helmet. He mutely puts them on...] >Ranma wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. He felt himself >start to harden just from her nearness. Her nipples were already hard, >as he kissed her deeply, his lips parting to whisper, "I'm sure we can >think of something..." >[Ucchan's Okonomiyaki-ya] Ataru: NO!!!!!! NOT A SCENE CHANGE!!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! [Ami and Bailesu put up a large blast shield. The planes sound like they are right overhead.] Ranma and Akane snuggled together in bed for a while. Ranma ran a hand lightly up and down Akane's back, "Mmmm... We haven't had a day alone together like that for a while." Ataru: BUT YOU DIDN'T LET ME SEE ANY OF IT! Ami: [watch alarm goes off] Duck, Bailesu. [They both take cover as a series of bombers drop bombs through the roof onto Ataru. The explosions destroy the front row of seats, which then have napalm dropped on them. Ataru vanishes in a blazing inferno of destruction. Ami holds up a small black box and pushes a button. An orbital laser satellite fires and vaporizes the front row and the fire.] Ami: Well, at least that gets rid of him. [Ataru pops up.] Ataru: Can't we see at least a little...waaah. [Ami and Bailesu facefault.] >Akane giggled again and poked him lightly in the ribs, "Ecchi." Then she >sat up, Ranma following suit, still grinning. Ami: ribs, saying "Ecchi", then sat up with Ranma, still grinning, following suit. thought Ranma. Ataru: MORE INCEST! Ami: They're not related. Technically, it would be pedophilia. Bailesu: I didn't really want to know that. *********************** ***INSERT LEMON HERE*** ****Hmm, you really**** **like putting lemons** ***in this, don't you** *******Kun-chan?******* *****Oh well, it IS**** *appropriately labeled* ****I suppose. . . **** *********************** Ataru: No...not again...can't take it...Need Lemon...real lemon...Not this insert...here...thing....getting...weaker... [Bailesu pulls a lever and 10 bajillion lemons rain down burying Ataru.] Bailesu: We aim to please. >Konatsu smiled, his long hair spilling over the pillow, contrasting with >Akari's lighter colored hair, trailing over her lovers skin. He stroked her >hair gently, picking up and twirling her two pink locks occasionally. Ami: lover's skin. Akane smiled, "This is Miyabi, our daughter." She turned and smiled lovingly at Ranma-chan. The statement serving to thoroughly confuse Kunou. Akari's eye's went wide, "You had a baby?!" Ami: Akari's eyes went >Ryouga started blushing and Ukyou giggled, "I think my iinazuke is >falling for little Miyabi. I'm getting jealous!" Ataru: See...I ...was...right. Ami: I wonder if an atomic bomb could finish you off... >Nodoka got up and smiled, "I am so happy to see that you've been raising >such a strong healthy little girl. Even Genma lover her, you know. He >even likes being a panda for her to hug." she said conspiritorially. Ami: Genma loves her, you know. Ataru: MORE INCEST! BLEAH! Bailesu: I think it may be time to test that theory, Ami... >Both Ranma and Akane nodded, glad to have finished their courses, but a >little reluctant to be moving into the family home again. Their privacy >would vanish and they would have to get back into the doujou training >regime again. But it would be good for their daughter. When she was a >little older, they could begin teaching her. Ami: again, but it would be >Kasumi smiled, leading them to the living room, where Nodoka sat playing >with Miyabi, who was bouncing on Genma-panda's stomach. Souun was >wailing at the loss of his daughters and making the Dutch jealous. Ami: Whaaa....? Ataru: making the Dutch jealous? Bailesu: I don't understand... >Nabiki raised an eyebrow, "If we had have been here earlier, we could have >joined in the fun, oneechan. What were you girls playing? 'Shread the >Dress'?" Ami: Shred the Dress >silk Western dress, similar to Nabiki's, but not as flash. Kasumi had a >beautiful, traditional wedding kimono of white and red silk. Each of the new >outfits suited the girls perfectly. Ami: not as flashy. >[The Kunou Mansion, The Guy's Guest Room] >****** Lemon... stripper ****** Ataru: WAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! Missed it again! Ami: Thank God. Bailesu: Thank Kun-chan in this case... >[The Kunou Mansion, The Girl's Guest Room] >****** Lemon... stripper ****** Ataru and Bailesu: BLEAH! Ami: Aww... [They both turn and stare at her. She blushes.] Ami: That wasn't really me who said that...it was...ah... Bailesu: Still waters really do run deep... She nodded and they moved over to the bed, kissing deeply... both already turned on. Before long, they were in bed, making love... ************************************ **WHAT?! NO LEMON?! Shame on you!!** ************************************ Ataru: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Ami: One more comment and I'll do to you what I did to the last guest commentator... Ataru: Hah! The girl isn't born who can stop me! Bailesu: What would you like on your tombstone, then? >Even Lychee and Kirin were there, having followed everyone else from China. >Kirin was, of course, followed by his entourage of the Shishifuku Dojin - >Bishamonten, the twins Daikokusei and Daihakusei, the giant Muu, the pretty Ataru: Do giant cows make a giant Muu? [Bailesu and Ami moan and fall over.] >Shampopo glared at her greatgrandmother. "How dare you?!" she yelled in Ami: Shampoo glared >Furinkan's kouchou laughed insanely as he ran up the centre of the ailse, Ami: aisle, >"Oho! I'll shave you're head personally Tacchi!" the principal yelled, a Ami: your head personally, Tacchi >Beautiful Crimson Hell Attack!" They swept up the ailse in a blur, leaving a Ami: aisle >Nabiki, standing back from the fight, thought as the tide turned in >Cologne's favour. Ami: thought what? Do you mean she was simply thinking? ******************************************************* **Enormous multi-facted grotty, ecchi lemon sequence!** :) ******************************************************* Ataru: No...can't take the tease...any more...[he passes out. Bailesu and Ami cheer.] Bailesu: [picks Ataru up and dumps him down the garbage shute.] And that's that. Ami: Please tell me we're not gonna have to do any more of these lemon fanfics. Bailesu: Uh, actually we're under contract to do all of Kun-chan's stories... Ami: I think I'm going to be ill. Bailesu: I think this story may be a bit long once all the lemon parts are actually in it....I'm not sure how to break it up, though. Ami: She could just leave out all the lemon parts! Bailesu: I find it more likely she'd leave out the non-lemon parts... Ami: ACK! Bailesu: Well, my main recommendation would be to avoid the ending orgy, maybe...break that up into seperate stories...I really would rather not see Kunou in bed with anyone, myself :) Ami: Well, I can certainly agree with that. [The end!] John Walter Biles http://triol.dorm.umd.edu/~gauntman/index.html MA-History http://falcon.cc.ukans.edu/~ranma/wotstuff.html Ph.D. Wannabe at U.Kansas "Love is the image you place around your significant ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu other, and how close it is to being true love gauntman@triol.dorm.umd.edu depends on how closely he or she fits into the mold."--Orlando de La Cruz