Only Two Thousand Yen - SDGP Version >< > indicates thought >>> << indicates sound effects {SD-Frank}: "Apparently, the author feels we have no sense of imagination or visualization, huh?" [SD-Justy]: "Uhh...yeah. Justy, you dimwit!... You shut up... what do you know?! I know a helluva lot more than you... Yeah well prove it! Skuse me guys, where's the remote! >Thwap!<< Ouch!... Bastard!... Well, you had it coming...> > Ranma 1/2 Lemon > Only Two Thousand Yen! {SD-Frank}: "Uh-oh..I feel a badly written Nabiki lemon coming on. Just calm down, Justy, and we'll get through it...*Where's my gun?" [SD-Justy]: "No problem Frank... I'm cool with it." > Ranma climbed the stairs to her room sullenly. this always happen to me?> she asked herself, opening the door >and going in. Not only did the old man try and kill her, but >Akane, too, after she told her to try her own cooking. it's my fault she can't cook.> {SD-Frank}: "It sure is...you really need to crack that whip more often...show 'er who's boss...^_^" [SD-Justy]: "Yeah! crack that whip!" >>SD-Justy starts making whip cracking noises<< > Sighing, Ranma pulled off her shirt and laid down on her >futon. The evening was too warm to even consider taking a hot >bath to change back into her boy-form. Like she would have a >chance of getting past Akane with that sword of hers... Sighing, >Ranma reached for one of the washrags she kept in a bowl of cold >water next to her bed these days. The summer was so hot in >Furinkan that she always needed these cool rags at the end of a >day. [SD-Billy Idol]: "Hot in the city... Hot in the city tonight..." {SD-Frank}: "So the secret has finally come out...Ranma is a wuss. *Hans voice* "Sips little girlie-man can't take a little heat..." [SD-Justy]: *Franz voice* "Yah! He can't even break a sweat, let alone break a board, yah." >Not like in China; the summers there were at least >tolerable. *Huh?* Ranma thought [SD-Justy]: *Robbie the Robot mode* "Danger! Danger! Non-hentai readers, masturbation scene dead ahead!!" {SD-Frank}: "Psst....do ya think she just realized we're watching an inevitable Onna-Ranma-gets-off-by-herself scene unfold here? C'mon, tell me." > Ranma looked at her nipples with surprise; they were >tingling from the contact with the cool water. She smiled [SD-Justy]: "Houston, we have nipples!" >*Haven't done this to myself in a long time,* she thought as she started to caress >her breasts {SD-Frank}: "Am I psychic or what? I need my own 800 line. Lord knows I seriously need the cash right now.." [SD-Justy]: "1-800-DIAL-A-FRANK... sounds like a hot dog vendor!" *Hearty Viking Laugh Mode* "Bwahahahahahaaaaaa!" >*I oughtta be safe the old man going to stay downstairs all night, playing shogi with Mr. Tendo...* Closing >her eyes, Ranma reveled in the sensation as her touch upon her >breasts caused her insides to start that slow, churning >feeling... {SD-Frank}: "Hmm..interesting description here..*checks* Yep, female author. I guess she knows what she's describing..^_-" [SD-Justy]: "Personally, it sounds like she's making butter down-there." > she decided *I might as well go all the way.* Ranma untied her waistband and kicked off her >pants, then pulled off her undershorts as well. Sighing, she >picked up one of the washrags again, and started rubbing the >coolness across her stomach and legs. As she gently caressed her >inner thighs, she felt the sensations within her quicken. [SD-Justy]: "WooHoo! That butter's spreadible, just like her legs!" > She >let her head roll back as the drawing inside of her started to >pull... Dropping the washcloth back in the bowl, she sat on her >heels and started to play with her breasts in earnest. Softly, >she moaned as her heartbeat duplicated itself between her loins. {SD-Frank}: "I thought men were the ones with loins..." [SD-Justy]: "Hmmm..." *checks dictionary* "Nope, Its just the lower abdomen and hips area." >She reached down and placed her first two fingers between the >folds of flesh and began to tease her wetness around her >femininity. > >>KLACK!<< [SD-Justy]: "Clackerballs????" {SD-Frank}: "I swear, if Onna-Ranma's gonna start using bokkens in all the wrong places I'm leaving..." > Ranma's eyes flew open as she heard the door close. >"A-Akane!" she said, startled. She'd been so distracted that she >hadn't even heard... Suddenly, Ranma blushed and looked away. >To be caught doing this by anyone, even by her kawaiikune >iinazuke...! {SD-Frank}: "To think that on the day Akane catches Ranma cheating on anyone, it's with himself..or herself....O_o" > "Ranma," she heard Akane say softly, after a pause "Do you >do this often?" [SD-Justy]: "It just struck me as to how 'do you come here often?' would be a very appropriate question to ask." o_O > "No." she answered miserably. {SD-Frank}: "What's the rating on the Lie-O-Meter?" [SD-Justy]: " 9.7.... If all those lemon fanfics are to be true. In fact everyone else in the household she be frigging off right now!" > Akane smiled softly. "Then you must be the only girl in >this house who doesn't." she said. [SD-Justy]: "See! It's true!" > "What?!" Ranma said, looking back at her as she knelt down >on the floor. {SD-Frank}: "Yeah, don't you know that the Tendo dojo is really a brothel located in the Red Light District of Nerima? Geez, some people..." > "We all do this to ourselves, Kasumi, Nabiki, and I," Akane >said, smiling "We talk about it sometimes, when you men aren't >around." [SD-Justy]: "If they talk about this while swinging in a field, I'm leaving." {SD-Frank}: "When the menfolk are away, it's time for the Tendo girls to play..." > "Talk about it?" Ranma asked "What do you talk about?" > "We talk about our fantasies, mostly, and compare notes." >Akane said. [SD-Justy]: "I'd like to see those Cliff Notes." > "Fantasies? You... fantasize?" Ranma asked, curious "About >who?" > "Oh, Kasumi mostly about Tofu-sensei," Akane answered {SD-Frank}: "I wonder if the author ever read that fic "Why Tofu's Glasses Fog up"... >"Nabiki about some of the guys in her magazines, sometimes some >of the guys in her class." {SD-Frank and Justy *in harmony*}: "At least she didn't say "Kunou"... > "And you?" Ranma felt compelled to ask. > "... I fantasize about you." Akane answered quietly, looking >away. {SD-Frank}: *Austin Powers voice* "Do I make you horny, baby..?" > "About... me?" Ranma asked. Akane nodded. "About me as a >boy or a girl?" > "... Both," Akane answered, blushing "And sometimes about >both at once." [SD-Justy]: "Well Ranma is a bi-sexual's dream." {SD-Frank}: "The author has obviously seen the movie "Threesome".. :p" > "..." Ranma replied, looking away. {SD-Frank}: "I _still_ don't know how they talk all in periods like that. I mean, really..." [SD-Justy]: '...' "..." >>...<< > "Next time make sure your door's shut all the way, Ranma," >Akane said, getting up "It might not be me next time." {SD-Frank}: "Yeah, in the sequel to this it'll probably be Ryouga or something.. O_o" [SD-Justy]: "Or perhaps Nodoka..." *I wonder she used her katana during the family pastime?* > "Akane..." Ranma said. > "Yes?" she asked, pausing at the doorway. {SD-Frank}: "Let's shag, baby...!" [SD-Justy]: "Yo! Tits... you and me on the futon, now!" > "I'm sorry I said what I did about your cooking," Ranma said >"It really isn't your fault that you don't know how to cook." [SD-Justy]: "That's the perfect Ranma-way to ruin the mood." > "Ranma..." Akane said softly, turning to face her. She >walked back to where Ranma-chan was sitting and kneeled down. >"Thank you." [SD-Justy]: "Unfortunately since Akane's OOC you don't see Ranma with a mallet protruding from his head." {SD-Frank}: "Hasn't Ranma been in that same paused position of 'just-about-to-get-off' this entire time? Doesn't that hurt?" [SD-Justy]: "The powers of Saotome self-control are truly amazing." > "Akane..." Ranma said, watching the tender look on Akane's >face, something that she rarely had an opportunity to do. It >seemed like they were always fighting... > Suddenly, Akane pulled her blouse over her head. As it >dropped on the floor next to her, she unfastened her bra and laid >it on top of the blouse. She looked at Ranma with a seriousness >in her eyes that she usually only got when she was fighting. >"You don't think it's sick, do you, wanting to be with another >girl?" she asked. {SD-Frank}: "Actually, on the topic of homosexuality, I'm pretty open. Though heterosexual myself, I have no problems with....*trails off into a long boring drone* [SD-Justy]: "Yeah!!!! Two babes is gonna get it on!!!!" > "I'm a boy," was Ranma's automatic response, but she caught >it halfway. She considered the question, picturing making love >to Akane as a girl, and slowly shook her head. "No, I don't >think that it's sick at all." {SD-Frank}: "Of course not, you hoser, 'cause you're still gonna get some either way!" [SD-Justy]: *Tony Basil mode* "Oh Ranma, you're so fine. You're so fine you blow my mind!" > "Then... would you..." Akane said, unsure of how to phrase >the ending. {SD-Frank}: *Writing on a large placard* S...C....R... [SD-Justy]: *Eagerly anticipates the completion of the phrase because he is totally clueless as to what SD-Frank is writing* > "Yes," Ranma said simply. She reached for another washcloth [SD-Justy]: "Where in the Hell are all these washcloths coming from???" >as Akane stood and stepped out of her skirt and panties. As >Akane sat back down again, completely naked, Ranma gently started >to rub it over her breast. "You really do have nice breasts," >she said "They're not as big as mine, but they're nice." {SD-Frank}: *lowers his head into his hands* "Tact, Ranma. Tact. Even during something like this. Why can't he understand that...?" > "Ranma..." Akane said through gritted teeth. Suddenly she >thought of the right way to get back at Ranma. > She kissed her. {SD-Frank}: "Boy...all that description about nipples and loins and stuff, and when she gets to the important kiss part, she just glosses over it? Argh! Where's the flailing tongues? The passionate embrace?" [SD-Justy]: *Genma mode* Mmmmmmmm...... "Ranma! You shame me! Use that tongue like your mother taught you!!" > "A-Akane!" Ranma said, shocked, as Akane drew back. > "I think that neither of us know how to kiss very well." >Akane said, sounding rueful. {SD-Frank}: "Apparently so, since it just says "She kissed her" up there..." [SD-Justy]: "Well I suppose it possible that Ranma is still at near-orgasm. So her concentration may be a little off. Its like Ranma taking a whizz in 'A Bathroom Experience' that clocked nearly 25 minutes." > "... Want to try to teach ourselves?" Ranma asked, thinking >of a way to one-up Akane. {SD-Frank}: "You know..such uneducated souls wouldn't exist if they only had "Kissing 101" in college. Lips are a terrible thing to waste, you know..." [SD-Justy]: "Yes, taught by none other than the illustrious Mikado Senzenin." > Akane looked at her, startled. call her bluff,> she thought "Okay." she said. > They closed their eyes as they leaned together, meeting in >*the middle. Their lips met each other, and they kissed. no fireworks! > Ranma thought *I wanted to blow her toes off!* [SD-Justy]: "Well, that's a bizarre version of the foot-fetish... kind of podio/amputation fetish." > <... It's missing something,> Akane thought more.> {SD-Frank}: *pointing to the chalkboard* "Ok..de vinal exam involves zomething called "vrench kissink"... >*N-Nani?!* Ranma thought as Akane opened her mouth wider >against hers and gently put her tongue into Ranma's mouth. >*Well, two can play at that game!* [SD-Justy]: "Or three... or four... hell, get the whole household involved." > Akane would have smiled, were she not so busy teaching Ranma >to French kiss, as Ranma put her tongue in her mouth. {SD-Frank}: "Vunderbar! You pass the vinal exam! Tell them vhat they haf von, Justy!" [SD-Justy]: *Don Pardo mode* "A set of the Encyclopedia Brittanica, a case of Turtle Wax and a year supply of Rice-A-Roni, that San Fransisco Treat, but that's not all... they've also won... A NEW CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" >They >gently sucked on each other's tongues for a little while, until >Ranma gently started to caress Akane's breasts. nice,> Akane thought from behind her closed eyes *I wonder if I should...* [SD-Justy]: "Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!" > Ranma opened her eyes, startled for a second, as Akane >raised her hands to her breasts, and started to tease at the nipples. >*She's good at this!*. Ranma thought, closing her eyes >again as her breasts started to tingle, and the sensations below >kicked back in, teasing, taunting with pleasure. {SD-Frank}: "Akane's been taking lessons from Mrs. Cartman..." [SD-Justy]: *Chef mode* "I'm gonna make love to ya woman..." >*I'm going to >be so wet by the time we get around to finishing this.* she >thought, feeling the juices flowing from her body again. Slowly, >she lowered one of her hands between Akane's legs. [SD-Justy]: "Damn. I wish I were part of that Tuna grinder!" > Akane slid her legs apart as Ranma's hand rested for a >*Oh, yes...*second upon her mound. she thought as Ranma touched >her core. This was one of her fantasies, and she was living it >out. How many women got to do that? {SD-Frank}: "Hmm...by my calculations, probably around 15% of them...Justy?" [SD-Justy]: "You are correct, sir." > It was so good, even >better than it had been when it was just a fantasy and she was >touching herself... [SD-Justy]: *creole accent* "Who lotta sloshin' aroun going on down theyah." > As Ranma began to stroke her, Akane softly moaned. It felt >like fire, like burning lava pouring through her body. It kept >building. She needed to do something... Restlessly, she dropped >her own hand between Ranma's legs and felt her wetness, her >readiness, as she began to tease at Ranma's femininity. {SD-Frank}: "Ya think we're gonna hear another KLACK! here? And what's with all the fire analogies? Is the author really a pyro?" [SD-Justy]: "Mayhaps she's a Porno-For-Pyros fan?" > "Ah... Ah..." Ranma moaned, breaking their intertwined kiss >in order to breathe. Akane was good at doing this; her touch >burned upon Ranma, building her higher. She'd never been this >wet before, never been this ready. As Akane stroked her, she >moved her own finger upon Akane more furiously, in turn. {SD-Frank}: "That's one talented finger...but then again I think a Chestnut Fist at this stage would _really_ hurt, instead of being orgasmic, y'know?" [SD-Justy]: "Well considering that the Amiguriken technique is an Amazon technique, I'm sure that it does have other _sexual_ applications." > "Oh, God..." Akane moaned, as she felt the fire build high, >higher than she'd ever gone before. She was nearly there >already... {SD-Frank}: *in engineer's cap* "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..." > *I can take much more...* Ranma thought as the passion >threatened to swallow her. Only by concentrating upon her >fingers, still moving in Akane's cleft, was she able to keep it >at bay... {SD-Frank}: *blows train whistle* [SD-Justy]: "Enter... The Kuno..." *That would be so cool.* > *No more...* Akane thought, desparate, needing release. > *No more...* Ranma thought, fighting the pleasure, needing >it to stop. {SD-Frank}: "Captain..the orgasmium crystals are overflowing! They canna take much more...ach!" [SD-Justy]: *Doctor Dimento mode* "Star Fin-grin across the universe, on the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk." >*Please...!* thought Akane. > "Ah...! Ah! AH!!!" they cried out together they both >reached their climaxes, and the world around them went black. {SD-Frank}: "And that, my friends, is the story of the Little Red Train That Came..I mean...that Could... > "Akane..." Ranma whispered, a few minutes later. > "Ranma..." Akane whispered back. {SD-Frank}: "Hey, this is the part where they smoke cigarettes..." [SD-Justy]: "Or fall asleep and wake-up with hangovers." > "You know, you really are a kawaiikune tomboy..." Ranma said >"But you're MY kawaiikune tomboy." > "You're an idiot, Ranma," Akane replied "But you're MY >idiot, and that makes it different." {SD-Frank}: "Awwwww...how cuuuute...well, for two girls sharing a romantic moment, that is... O_o" > "Akane... I like you." > "I like you, too, Ranma." Akane said as they laid down on >the futon together. Slowly, their wet hands met each other, and >they were silent. [SD-Justy]: *Barney-mode* "I like you...you like me... we're a happy fa-mil-ee..." {SD-Frank}: *KTF mode* "Like?! LIKE!? That's _it??_ What happened to the moment? What happened to that other four letter word that's supposed to be in there?! Argh!" [SD-Justy}: *Pinky-mode* "But, Frank they just did that, at least they did it the way girls do it..." > Outside the door to Ranma and Genma's room, Nabiki and >Kasumi sat quietly, listening. As they heard Ranma and Akane cry >out their pleasure, they both smiled, and got up, heading >downstairs into the kitchen. {SD-Frank}: "Uh-oh...don't even tell me this is another scene..." > "That's two thousand yen you owe me, Kasumi." Nabiki said, >helping herself to a cookie. [SD-Justy]: "Helping herself to Kasumi's cookie that is..." > "Getting those two together was well worth it," Kasumi said, >handing Nabiki the money "Though I admit, I didn't think that you >could do it." {SD-Frank}: "You doubt the power of Nabiki-sama? Boy, you're short on more than 2000 yen, girl...^_-" [SD-Justy]: "For the transgression of doubting Nabiki, I'll have to spank you Kasumi." > "Hey, I can do anything if you give me a monetary >incentive." Nabiki said as she left. > Kasumi thought as she picked up a knife and >prepared to make dinner *I wonder if you know how easy to >manipulate you really are?* [SD-Justy]: O_O {SD-Frank}: *scary mystery plot music* "Dum-dum-DUMMMMMMM!" > All I had to do was bet you couldn't, >and you immediately decided to get Ranma and Akane together. And >for only two thousand yen!> {SD-Frank}: "Whew! I suppose that's the only reference to it in the whole fic..I think we made it through without this becoming a bad Nabiki lemon...." [SD-Justy]: "And now for something completely different..." >Author's Note: Okay, disclaimer first: obviously, the characters > and situations in this fanfic are shamelessly stolen from > Rumiko Takahashi, and for me to even try to claim otherwise > would be ridiculous. {SD-Frank}: "Of course, since we, being the law-abiding *ahem* citizens that we are, we would immediately report you. Big Super Deformed Brother is watching you, you know..." >That said, I hope that I didn't stray > too far from the "feel" of Ranma 1/2, and that you enjoyed [SD-Justy]: "Feel, is definitely the right word." > reading it. Comments, constructive criticism, and > corrections are welcome at ranmafan@cats.ucsc.edu, though > flames will be ignored. This was my first effort at writing > a fan-fic, and I hope that I can learn from your feedback. > Mata ne! >Please post this. {SD-Frank}: "Sorry, I don't do favors..I'll do it for 2000 yen, though...^_^ See? I'm learning...really, I am!" [SD-Justy]: >>WHAP<< (Dope slapping Frank mode) >... >If it is here. {SD-Frank}: "Well, unless I went into some hypnotic daze and wrote this myself, it's here, don't worry...I think..^_^;" *fade to black* {SD-Frank}: "Ok, done. On with the castrati- I mean...constructive criticism. Anyway, this seems to be a fair start to a somewhat good coupling, that of Onna-Ranma and Akane. The plausibility that Akane has fantasies about both halves of Ranma may or may not hold more weight considering her feelings for him which are obviously very deep. So the concept seems nice, and the ending is kind of a surprise, but it doesn't really fit in, IMO. The cons, however, is that it's typical lemon - it's too short, and it doesn't hold very much real description. Also, a lot more could have happened to make it a little more lemony, with a strategically placed kettle of hot water one of many paths one could travel. Descriptions of fingering are all and good in lemons, I guess, but when it's the only thing done it gets a little bland fast. I could imply something really mean about the female author here, but hey, I'm the nice one...I think. ^_^ Lastly, like I said, the ending seemed to be just a hastily written opportunity to put Kas and Nabs in there _somewhere_. Ok, there, I'm done now. Justy? [SD-Justy]: "Over-loquacious us usual, Frank ^_-. Hmmm... Let me see, I agree with the over fingering bit. The scene could have gone on longer utilizing different positions and various objects. Granted they are inexperienced, but a well placed lawn Jart or a packet of rice crackers is not out of the realm of possiblity for newbies. Also, multiple orgasms could have been used to extend the piece. Lastly, Ranma's changing of sexes after being alluded to early on was mysteriously dropped by the end. The subject shouldn't have been brought up, instead Akane could have been written as a lesbian. Some small talk at the end dealing with sex with male Ranma could also have tied that loose end. Since this was a lemon, in-character issues are tossed out of the window, however I'll grant the writer my approval that the story was Ranma--esque. Overall, It was mildly entertaining, not bad for a new writer. Experience is all she needs. To wrap this up the Nabiki content was appropriate, but a bit lacking. Just how Nabiki did all that was a mystery. A way to improve the fanfic would be to have Nabiki explain initially how she set them up. You can still keep the bet with Kasumi a secret, but explain just how Nabiki-sama did it. I give a 'C' , not bad, but not a blockbuster. {SD-Frank}: "That's it for now...and remember..5 of 10 people actually _think_ the Tendo Dojo is some big coverup for girls with furious fingers and fiery passions..."