Not Ranma 1/2 volume 1 part 3 Three Nights by Andy Wennersten MST Part 7 by daniel nelson Hallelujah! Hallelujah! The Last Freakin’ Part! I’m almost done!! Oh man, it’s been a long, rough trip. I first started this thing almost a year ago. This fic marks a potential turning point in my MST career, such as it is. This will probably be my last MST, if not ever, then for a long time. Anyways, on with the MST. Andy would have to save the worst part for last, so I’m going to try to pull out the worst riffs I can think of. Wish me luck, cause I’m goin’ in. On a personal note, I need to thank Andy Wennersten for letting me do this. I usually don’t ask the authors before I MST their stories (should probably start doing that), and Andy could have really gotten pissed at me for not checking with him before. Thanks man. Let’s see, thank you Kristy for the Ranma series info. Also, thanks to Angelique. Legal: All Ranma ½ characters by Rumiko Takahashi (I’ve actually got her name memorized now. That’s how many of these freakin things I’ve done.) Ranko by, who else, Andy Wennersten. The MSTiers, Robert 'Mad Cow' Manul, Jessica 'Kani' Banton, Frank 'MaxiC' James, Amy 'Flip Side' Micheals, and Shaw 'Shaw Avenue' Orando by myself. This may be your last chance to sue me, so make it a good one at drnelson@ucdavis.edu <><><><><><><><><><><><><>>><<<><><><><><><><><><><><> "You were not supposed to attend this session." "What do you mean?" Amy asked the scientist. "Exactly that. You are not needed for this session." the scientist replied . Amy Micheals was standing in the waiting room of the testing building, next to that brunette secretary’s desk and in front of a rather young looking lab rat in a white coat. "But, no one told me I wasn’t supposed to be here." "Then someone screwed up. However, we only need four people for each session, and we already have four people for this session." The lab rat walked away from Amy and began examining the clipboard he was carrying. "All right." Amy agreed, then turned to the secretary. "See you next time." "Wait a sec, hon." the alert secretary replied. "What?" Amy asked. "Just, wait a second." the secretary said. Five minutes later, the same lab rat walked into the reception room. "Um, Ms. Micheals, apparently, we do need you." Amy smiled. "Are you sure? It could be just a mistake. After all, I’m not supposed to be working today." "No, I’m very sure we need you. And it was a mistake, no one told me that you’d be attending today’s session." the lab rat said. "Well, if I’m not supposed to be in today’s session, but I am, then I guess you could call that overtime, couldn’t you?" Amy replied. The lab rat coughed. "Ah, yes. Overtime. That’s exactly what this is." He turned to the secretary. "Please mark the overtime on Ms. Micheals’ time card." The secretary tried very hard not to smile. "Already done." "See ya later." Amy said to the secretary as she ignored the lab rat and walked into the viewing room. FLIPSIDE: (entering the room to see a large man with brown hair sitting in the left Lay- Z-Boy) Uhh, hello, who are you? SHAW AVENUE: Shaw. Are you the chick that sat in for me? FLIP: 'Sat in for you'? Just who are you? SHAW: I was in the first session that Max, Mad, and Kani were in. FLIP: So, where have you been since then? SHAW: They didn’t need me. They got you. FLIP: They? (Kani enters the room) KANI: Shaw? Shaw Avenue, where the hell have you been? You know the crap me, Mad, and Max have had to sit through? Hi Flip. SHAW: Yeah yeah. Boo hoo, you sat here and got paid. That’s rough. FLIP: Hi Kani. KANI: Heh, you haven’t seen the stuff Voice and the other scien-ticks have given us. Flip, have you met Shaw? (sits in right Lay-Z-Boy) (Mad Cow and MaxiC enter arguing about something) MAD COW: Oh come on. You haven’t even seen Chrono Cross yet. How can you say it will suck? MAXIC: It will. I’m tellin ya, it will. I don’t care what Famitsu says. KANI: Hi guys. Guess who else is here? MAD: Hey, Shaw. Long time man. MAXIC: Hey Shaw. Where’ve you been? SHAW: Elsewhere. MAXIC: Works for me. (sits on the couch) MAD: Could you tell me how you managed to get out? I really shouldn’t have come today, still got bookloads of schoolwork to do. Move over Max (sits on MaxiC’s right). Flip, are you sitting down? FLIP: What? Yeah, move over Mad. (sits on Mad’s right) VOICE: Now that everyone is here, we will be continuing with Not Ranma Part 3 today. KANI: Fine. Let’s get it over with. MAXIC: You familiar with this thing Shaw? SHAW: Yeah, I am. VOICE: Begin Experiment. MAD: You know, I bet that’s what the monks said when they started the Spanish Inquisition. Ranma watched as Ranko burned some incense again. She noticed that the scent was a lot stronger that the previous night. She breathed in the perfumed smoke and felt strange, but in a good way. "So, how do you want me tonight?" Ranma asked, trying to sound seductive, and judging from Ranko's laughter, failing miserably. SHAW: Faced with this sudden hurtful criticism from a person she cared so deeply about, Ranma snapped; she leapt off the bed where they had spent so many joyful hours together, grabbed a lamp, and beat Ranko’s head into the consistency of crushed watermelon. MAXIC: Uh, that’s a little darker then what we usually do, Shaw. KANI: I’m impressed. "I think I'll take you as is." Ranko replied. MAD: (Ranko) Oh ,yeah, leave those soiled panties where they are. "Then I guess I'll have to find something to keep myself busy while you're in the shower." Ranma said. She grabbed a breast through her swimsuit and ran a hand over her groin to show Ranko what she had in mind. FLIP: Or out of mind, as the case may be. Ranko glanced at the incense burner. Maybe I used too much, he thought. "Nice idea, but not necessary. I'm not taking a shower." KANI: (Ranko) I’m want some nasty ol’ jungle lovin’ tonight, baby. "What?" Ranma asked, not sure that she heard him right. MAD: (Ranko) A shower. It’s a process of cleaning the body. But that’s not important right now. "I'm staying male tonight." Ranko replied. FLIP: (Ranko) Because I am a man, dammit. And you just have to accept that! MAXIC: Whoa, whoa, wait a sec. We all knew Ranma and Ranko were going to have sex, right? KANI: Yeah, that was obvious. Why? MAXIC: Well, look at that sentence. Ranko’s gonna be a man tonight. Which means... SHAW: Either Ranma and Ranko are butt pirates, or Ranma’s gonna get her void filled. FLIP: Nice choice of words, Shaw. SHAW: Eh. MAD: I can’t believe Ranma as he is on the series would actually have sex with another man, in either form. MAXIC: Personally, I’m amazed anyone would like to have sex with a dick. What could be good about getting a penis rammed into you? KANI: Well, considering the human species is still around Max, there’s probably something we like about sex. It took a few seconds to comprehend what Ranko was saying. Once she did, she could decide on only one course of action. SHAW: To prevent herself from being invaded by her she-male sister whom she had trusted for so long, Ranma was forced to implement the plan she had prepared; she slipped a hand into her pocket and pressed the remote concealed there, detonating the C-4 she had lined Ranko’s briefs with. MAXIC: Shaw, maybe you should seek help. Psychiatric help. She ran. FLIP: The Boston Marathon "Guess I didn't use enough." Ranko said to himself as she saw Ranma bolt for the door. He grabbed her before she could make it. MAD: (singing) Born free... "LET GO!!!" Ranma shouted as she struggled. MAXIC: (Ranma) Of Those! Damn, Ranko thought. Even as a girl he's a lot stronger than me. "I didn't want to use this." He said and jabbed his thumb just behind Ranma's left ear. She immediately stopped struggling. KANI: Ah yes, Ranma’s emergency kill switch. "What did you do?" Ranma asked. Her fear was still there, but it wasn't nearly as strong. FLIP: (Ranma) Damn you Ranko, and your magical incantations and pressure points and various things and whatnots and everything else you do so well that make me so horny. "Shiatsu Calmness Point." Ranko replied. "Think of it as turning your emotional volume down a couple notches." MAD: (old neighbor) Dagnabbit, you yungun’s. Turn that hormone rackett a’ down. You’re a’ rattlin’ the windas! "Are you gonna rape me?" Ranma asked. SHAW: (Ranko) No. Unless you don’t agree to have sex with me. "I've never had to rape anyone before. I don't see why I should start now." Ranko said. "Although I will admit that I had a little help getting you in the sack before." He gestured to the incense burner. KANI: (The incense burner) Yeah, I admit it. I slipped Ranma some roofies. But Ranko made me! "The incense?" MAD:(contestant) I’ll take 'Fitting Titles For This Fanfic' for 400, Alex. "It relaxes inhibitions." Ranko replied. "It doesn't affect me much because I don't have very many taboos as it is. But I don't think you would have had sex with your sister, or as a girl, without it." SHAW: (Ranma) True. We sure had some fun with that burner last night, huh Ranko? "I still don't wanna have sex with you when you're a man." Ranma stated. MAXIC: Ohhh, crap. This is going to hurt. Hard. "Why not?" SHAW: (Ranma) Oh, I don’t know. I don’t like having a *dick* inside me? "Because I'm a guy." Ranma said, because she could work up enough anger to shout it. KANI: I’m guessing that should say 'couldn’t work up enough anger'. FLIP: It’s this fanfic. It sucks your will to live. "You're a guy?" Ranko asked. MAD: (Ranma) Damnit Ranko, it’s over! Please understand, I’m not a girl. I tried it and it just isn’t me. The surgery is already scheduled, you’ll just have to deal with it. I’m sure you’ll find someone else! "That's right." Ranma replied. MAXIC: (Ranma) Yes. Ignore the two large, soft mounds on my chest. "Then what are those?" Ranko asked, pointing to Ranma's breasts. FLIP: (Ranma) Alright, I admit it: I stuff my bra. Are you happy now? "It don't matter." Ranma replied. "I'm still a guy." KANI: (Ranma) This is the nineties, girlfriend. I can be who-ever I *want*, and you just hafta deal with it. "So you're saying that if a guy falls in a cursed spring, it doesn't change the fact that he's still a guy." Ranko said. MAD: Well, if a guy gets castrated, it still doesn’t change the fact he’s a guy. "Yeah." "But I suppose that doesn't apply to me." Ranko said. MAXIC: (Ranma) Nope. Ranma mentally kicked herself. She had been treating Ranko as if he was a real boy. "Oh God, Ranko. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." SHAW: (Ranma) What I meant was: If you need a recharge go hook up a jumper cable to a car battery and your nipples, you nympho redneck. "That's okay." Ranko said, choking back a few tears. "I know you think I'm a freak." FLIP: Wow. Ranma and me actually agree on something. "I could never think that." Ranma said as she wrapped her arms around Ranko in an effort to comfort him. KANI: What Ranma was actually thinking was: I wonder where I can get a really good hamburger. "But you don't think of me as a real girl." Ranko sobbed. SHAW: (Ranma) Well, I might if you stop insisting that I wear the spreader bar and nipple clips every night. "Of course I do." Ranma said. "If it makes you feel better, we can have sex like this." MAD: Ranma is obviously ignoring the desperate masses huddled out of fear, crying for this fanfic to end. "Sucker." Ranko said with a grin. His mood immediately brightened. KANI: And then burned out with the sudden power increase. "You...tricked me?" Ranko asked in shock. SHAW: (Ranko ) No. You’re just really stupid. "Just because goddesses can't lie doesn't mean they can't be sneaky." Ranko said. KANI:(Ranko ) We’re Bill Clinton’s presidential advisors. "Why you..." FLIP: (Curly) Why I oughta... "Well, that pressure point should have worn off by now." Ranko said. "So, are you still afraid?" MAXIC: Yes. Scared sh#tless, actually. Ranma thought for a moment. "Hey, I'm not." she said in surprise. MAD: (Ranma) The morphine I took just kicked in. "Good. You shouldn't be." Ranko said. "If you say you're a real guy, then that makes me a real girl. You can't have it both ways." SHAW: (Ranko) I’m really a girl. Ignore my trouser snake. "But I thought you wanted me to have it both ways." Ranma said innocently. She grabbed Ranko and kissed him passionately. MAXIC: Alright, let’s go. You and me Andy, right now! "..." Ranko was stunned. KANI: By the twenty thousand watts of DC current running into him from the taser Ranma shot him with when he was distracted. Ranma looked at the expression on Ranko's face and laughed. "You didn't expect me to just lay back and get fucked, did you?" she asked as she shoved Ranko back so he landed on the bed. SHAW: (Ranko) Actually I wanted to bend you over, slap you up, and stuff this bowling pin up your ass. "Well, I didn't think you'd be so...enthusiastic." Ranko replied as Ranma stripped off her swimsuit. MAD: (Ranko) Watch the zipper, for God’s Sake Watch The Zipper RanmaaAAARRGGHH!!! "I'm not the only one." Ranma said as she tore off Ranko's trunks to find his manhood at full attention. FLIP: Aten-HUT! Ranko had to admit that Ranma's rough treatment was turning him on. He was worried about her change in attitude, though. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked. MAXIC: You know, in the civil war when the docs had to amputate a guy’s limb, they’d get him plastered so he couldn’t feel his limb being sawed off. MAD: You think that’s what’s happening to Ranma? MAXIC: Gotta be. "Hey! I just figured that if I'm gonna do this, I might as well go all out." Ranma replied as she began to stroke Ranko's shaft. "But don't get me wrong. I'm only gonna try this once. If I don't like it, I ain't gonna do it again." MAXIC: You know, I think I heard some guy say that once. Then he played Russian roulette. "I can live with that." Ranko said. "So do you know what to do?" KANI: (Ranma-low voice) Oh yes baby, just sit back and enjoy what Miss Ranma is gonna do to your fine shaggible body. "I haven't been ignoring you the past couple days." Ranma said. She quickly engulfed his cock, but due to her lack of experience, she gagged and pulled back. FLIP: (Ranma) Oh My God, What The Hell Am I Doing?! Ranko suppressed a giggle. "Don't push yourself. Deep throating takes a lot of practice to learn." he said. "Nabiki can barely do it herself." SHAW: (Ranko) It’s not worth the seventy bucks she charges for it, though. Ranma didn't like the face that Nabiki could do something that she couldn't, but took Ranko's advice. This time she didn't try to take more than a few inches in, using her hand to pump the remaining portion. Soon she felt Ranko's cock pulse as it filled her mouth with cum. MAXIC: (faints) SHAW: Wimp. I’m not liking this, but at least I’m still conscious. MAD: Are you kidding Shaw? I know some Marines who would faint at this. Ranko saw Ranma's eyes widen in shock when he came. The look on her face told him that she didn't like the taste. "I'm not going to make you swallow if you don't want to." he said. MAD: What...is the air flight speed of an unladen swallow? FLIP: I think we’ve done that joke a lot by now. MAD: Well, we’ve gotta get in the Monty Python tribute each time. Ranma spit into her hand and wiped it off on the sheets. "Yuck. I think I just discovered one of Akane's secret ingredients." she said. KANI: Arsenic? "Now that you mention it, Skuld was working on a way to make semen taste like ice cream." Ranko said, then shuttered. "Rocky Road still gives me nightmares." Ranma burst into laughter. "Could have been worse. Could have been Death by Chocolate." SHAW: Chocolate, in this case, being a black guy that weighs 280 pounds. "Fine. Laugh at my pain." FLIP: Okay. "Sorry." Ranma said, then looked down at Ranko's limp penis. "Hey! You've gone soft on me." "It's not my fault you guy's got defective equipment." Ranko replied. MAD: (Ranma) Stupid hedge clipper incident. "We do not!" Ranma shouted. KANI: (Ranma) I have regular checkups at the mechanics’ shop every twenty thousand miles! "As a girl my record is 106 orgasms without taking a break. But as a guy the most I could have without losing my hard on is three." Ranko said. "I don't know about you, but I'd call that defective." SHAW: (Ranko ) Unfortunetly, every sexual experience since then has been nothing more then a pale shadow of those incredible three days. "106!?!" Ranko yelled. "That would kill a man!" MAXIC: (coming to) Is it over yet? FLIP: Not yet Max. MAXIC: Damn. "My point exactly." Ranko replied. MAD: (Ranko) ...is, oh damn, I forgot my point. "Well, what are we gonna do untill you get hard again?" Ranma asked. SHAW:( Ranko) Play Yahtzee? "Make sure you're ready." Ranko replied. He grabbed Ranma's hips and moved her untill she straddled his head. He noticed that she wasn't very wet. I'll fix that, he thought, and started eating out Ranko's pussy. KANI: (delivery boy) Did someone order a #69 from The Hairy Clam? "Oh, yeah..." Ranma moaned and ground her sex against Ranko's face. She grabbed her breasts and started fondling them. She was glad that oral sex was something that Ranko was good at in either gender. MAXIC: But, for some reason, whenever Ranko was a guy he lost the ability to whip up a really good mushroom omelet. He's really getting into this, Ranko thought as he heard Ranma moans and gasps mixed with words of encouragement. Once Ranma was wet enough, he stopped his actions. FLIP: (Ranko) Time’s up! "Why did you stop? I was almost there." Ranko said, sounding offended. "I think you're missing the point." Ranko said. "I could have stayed a girl to do this." MAXIC: Uhh, I think they’re about to...(faints) KANI: He’s really taking this hard. SHAW: Ehh. He’ll come to in a second. Ranma looked over her shoulder to see that Ranko's manhood had regained it's hardness. "Oh, yeah. I almost forgot." She grasped Ranko's cock and positioned herself so that it was grazing the lips of her sex. MAD: Ugh! FLIP: What’s wrong? MAD: I don’t know. For some reason I had a sudden image of Stephen Tyler eating a carrot. "If you want to back out now, I won't hold it against you." Ranko said. "I don't want you to do anything you'll regret." KANI: Like inbreeding? Ranma didn't answer. She locked eyes with Ranko and slowly lowered herself on to his cock, letting it part the moist flesh as it traveled deep into her body. "Oh...my...God..." she moaned as it reached new depths. As soon as Ranko was fully inside of her she came, spasming violently. MAXIC: (comes to and looks at the TV) Aww sh*t, five minutes too early...(faints again) Ranko gritted his teeth as Ranma orgasmed. Even for a virgin, she was unbelievably tight. And when she came she clamped down on him like a vise. He knew he could come any second if he didn't control himself. MAD: Unfortunelty for Ranko, the two men spraying his room with machine gun fire showed no such restraint. Ranma came back to her senses after her orgasm to realize that she was still impaled on Ranko's manhood. She raised herself up and thrust back, gasping as she was filled again. Deciding that she liked the feeling, she repeated her actions. SHAW: Damnit. (walks over to MaxiC and slaps him.) Wake up wimp. MAXIC: Wha...what happened. KANA: You fainted again. Jeez, I know this hurts, but try to stay conscience. Ranko knew he couldn't last much longer, but wanted to get Ranma off a couple more times. He grabbed her hips and started thrusting up in time with her movements. After a few minutes of this, Ranma orgasmed for a second time. It was harder for Ranko to hold back this time, so moments after Ranma's orgasm subsided, he came. FLIP: Out of the room where he was watching TV. A panicked look crossed Ranma's face as she felt Ranko's cock start to pulse inside of her. She made a frantic attempt to get off of him, but was too late. When she felt his hot cum spray her insides, She came for a third time and passed out. MAXIC: Ahh, fu...(faints) "Ranma?" Ranko said as Ranma's unconscious body fell against him. He quickly pulled out and laid her back on the bed. He grabbed her wrist and felt for her pulse. Satisfied that she didn't die on him, he pulled the covers over her. "I wonder if this is a good sign or a bad sign?" He asked himself. "Well, better safe than sorry." he said and grabbed a pillow off the bed. He slept on the floor that night. MAD: Next to the black widows and scorpions. Ranma awoke the next morning to find herself in an empty bed. "Ranko?" SHAW: (Ranma) Thank God, she’s finally gone. Now I can finally play Yahtzee in peace! "Yeah?" came Ranko's voice from the floor by the bed. Ranma looked over the edge of the bed to see Ranko lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. 'You didn't have to sleep on the floor." she said. FLIP: (Ranma) I had your bed of nails all made up, too. "I wasn't sure what mood you'd be in, so I didn't take any chances." Ranko replied. He made a strange face. "What's wrong?" Ranma asked. KANI: (Ranko) What’s wrong? What’s wrong is that I’m Pregnant You Moron!! Didn’t I tell you to use a condom!? "Nature calls." Ranko said. "Hey, call room service and order us some breakfast." he said as he entered the bathroom. SHAW: (Ranma) Pancakes with semen syrup okay with you, honey? MAXIC: (coming to) Is it over? KANI: Not yet Max. MAXIC: Damn again. Ranma dialed room service and ordered something cheap. She was a little reluctant to spent the money after learning of Ranko's 'job' in Hong Kong. She ordered a kettle of hot water in case Ranko got any funny ideas about not letting her change back. FLIP: You just know that Ranma has a switch in the back of his neck that says MAN and WOMAN and uses that whole hot/cold water thing as an excuse. "That's one advantage men have over women." Ranko said as he exited the bathroom. "What is?" Ranma asked. MAXIC: Reason? KANI: Funny Max. FLIP: Actually, he’s right. He correctly reasoned that if he had been sitting by me and he said that I’d introduce his head to the wall. MAXIC: I love you too Flip. MAD: Now *I’m* not so sure that I want to be sitting here. "Being able to take a piss standing up." Ranko answered. KANI: Yeah, but it’s a whole hell of a lot more impressive to see a girl write *her* name in the snow. "I'm sorry I asked." SHAW: (Ranma) What your weight was. Soon room service arrived with their breakfast. Ranko noticed the kettle. "Are you that desperate to change back?" he asked. MAD: (Ranma) No, I just don’t want to shave my legs. "Two days straight as a girl is too much for me." Ranma replied and poured the kettle over her head, changing back to a man. KANI: Weird. "I just wanted to show you that you could have fun as a girl." Ranko said. FLIP: (Ranko) Oh come on Ranma. You enjoyed the line dancing, admit it. "Uh huh. And recharging didn't have anything to do with it?" Ranko asked. SHAW: (Ranma) You know, if you need to recharge, I could suggest some stuff that *doesn’t* involve me. Like wearing alligator clips on your tits and shoving the wire in an outlet! MAXIC: Shaw, you know that talk we had about help? KANI: Shaw, where have you been all my life? "That reminds me. You have to evaluate my performance." MAD: Judges, how do you rate the fanfic? MAXIC: 2. Andy got Ranma’s character completely wrong. And the incest, we really could have done with out that. SHAW: 7. I’ve seen a lot worse. FLIP: 3. I’m with Max here. The whole hetero/lesbian incest thing really left the wrong taste. MAD: Imagine what taste it left poor Ranma. FLIP: Shut up Mad. KANI: 6. They were cartoon characters, but the writing was pretty good from a technical standpoint. MAD: I’d give it an 7 if it wasn’t a such an explicit lemon, but since it is I’d say 5. The humor was in the same vein as the series, but all the non-sex parts dealt with Ranko’s history, which Andy seemed to have taken from other animes. SHAW: Back to the fanfic. "I have to what?" Ranma asked, sounding confused. "Well, we're going to have to keep having sex at least untill I finish my training. That might take a while, so it would help if I knew what you liked." Ranko said. "So, what did you like the most?" SHAW: (Ranma) That incredible moment when I ordered the hit squad on you, dear sister. "I liked sex as a guy a lot." Ranma answered. "But I could definitely get used to doing it girl/girl." "What about me as a guy and you as a girl?" Ranko asked. FLIP: (Ranma) I don’t know, wouldn’t that be, um, you know, well, kinda, perverted? "I...wouldn't mind doing that again." Ranma said in a small voice. MAD: (Ranma) Oh, wait a sec...okay, the bad crack I smoked just wore off. HELL NO would I sleep with you again! "Really?" Ranko asked with a grin. "Would you like me to work some magic on Ryoga? He's almost as cute as his sister." SHAW: (Ranko) And his dick’s longer then mine! "Hey! It's different with us because I know you're really a girl!" Ranma yelled. "And remember to pull out next time. Feeling you come inside me is just too weird." MAXIC: That would be weird, feeling a girl come inside of you. KANI: Gee, you think? "I can manage that." Ranko said, then a mischievous look crossed her face. "If you want to stay another night, there's one more thing we could try." SHAW: (Ranko) We could rub up against sandpaper, lay in a bed of salt and then head down to the petting zoo. Sound fun? "What? Some new positions?" Ranma asked. "Not exactly." Ranko said. "Then what?" Ranma asked. The first night he was a guy and she was a girl. The second night they were both girls. Then he was a girl and she was a guy. Then that left... "You can't mean..." MAXIC and MAD: Aww...HELL NO! KANI: What’s the matter guys? You saw two girls gettin’ it on. MAXIC: Shut up Kani. Ranko-kun just smiled. FLIP: Exposing the set of fangs she had hidden so expertly. Ranma covered his mouth and ran to the bathroom. "I was only joking." Ranko said as she heard the sound of Ranma vomiting into the toilet. MAXIC: That’s like Harry Truman telling the Japanese Little Boy was supposed to be a dud. MAD: Umm, no Max, it’s not. MAXIC: Yeah, okay it’s not. End volume 1 KANI: About d*mn time, too. MAXIC: Wait a sec Kani. That’s the first time I’ve seen 'end volume' at the end of one of these fanfics. MAD: What do you mean Max? MAXIC: Well, the other ones just kinda trailed off, and then Voice announced that we were done. This one actually *says* 'end volume 1'. FLIP: I think Max is onto something here. I kinda don’t want to say it aloud in case I jinx it, but I think that was the last part of the fanfic. MAXIC: I think so too. KANI: It’s over? It’s really finally over?! THANK FREAKIN GOD!, it’s finally over! MAD: Hold on a minute. If the fanfic is over, why doesn’t Voice tell us? MAXIC: Damnit, I knew it was too good to be true. Nice going Flip, you jinxed us. FLIP: Well, how was I to know? Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. FLIP: What the hell? SHAW: I think we’re back into the fanfic. MAD: I don’t know, it might be Andy talking, you know, like a postscript or something. KANI: Alright, assuming it’s Andy, any one want to take the obvious riff? MAXIC: Can I? Please? MADCOW: We all suffered through the fanfic. I think it would be fair if we did it together. FLIP: Sounds good. I’m rewinding the fic a bit. FLIP: 3...2...1... Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. ALL: UNFORTUNELTY! Reports of my suffering from a combination of writer's block and laziness are true. At least it's done. SHAW: Yup, it is Andy. FLIP: And out driving it’s readers insane. MAD: Guess we have to riff this section too. MAXIC: Can do! Thanks to Dave Eddy for giving me a place to post my fic. And for writing Wild Child. Read it, it's good. SHAW: Not as good as sniffing paint fumes, but good. Thanks to Stoner for nagging me for months to get this fic done. MAD: (Stoner) Dude, I told you. No more bong hits until you finish the fanfic. Thanks to Ranko-chan for sending me a BIG arigato when I told her I was almost done. FLIP: Planning her assassination, Mwha ha ha! Send questions, comments, suggestions, etc. to MrNuke999@aol.com Avoid flames, though, because they will only encourage me. MAXIC: How about viruses? Do you like viruses? I’ll send you some. I'll start writing the next chapter soon. KANI: Umm, don’t. Speaking of which... Next episode: Ranko and Yoiko enroll at Furinkan, and get sent straight to the Principals office. Ranko learns that you shouldn't insult you're teacher if she can drain you're battle aura. Yoiko learns that she's attracted to guys with really big bokens. See you next time for 'Delinquent'. FLIP: 'Delinquent' in shagging, baby! Also coming soon... MAXIC: My imminent death. Tales of the Lost Sisters: Last Shred of Innocence. SHAW: That was ripped away and crushed into the ground to be left for vultures and hyenas. MAD: Huh. That’s what happened to us when we watched this thing. Places to find previous chapters: MAXIC: The garbage can in the alley. FLIP: The recycle bins of the computers of people who’ve read them. KANI: In the nightmares of someone who has seen it. Dave Eddy's Homepage http://nabiki.newberry.edu/DEddy/ Sakura Lemon Fan Ficton Archive http://anime.muck.com/~sakura/ VOICE: Congratulations, you have finished Not Ranma. KANI: YESSS! Thanks be to God. FLIP: About time. MAXIC: I don’t know, this could be a trick or something. VOICE: It is not. MAD: Wow, I can’t believe we actually lived through that thing. SHAW: Eh. KANI: Please do not give us anymore like that damn thing. Anything, but no more like that. VOICE: You do not have to worry. As of now, we have gathered all the data we need. MAD: What do you mean? This was the last session? VOICE: Yes. If we have need, we will call you back. Until then, this was the last. SHAW: (getting up)Goodbye. KANI: What? Bye Shaw. Our last time? Really? FLIP: See ya Shaw. MAXIC: Weird. Our last session. If I had known, I would have brought my camera. MAD: Voice, since we’re no longer in this program, does that mean we can get together outside these things? VOICE: Do what you want. FLIP: Cool. Anyone want to meet Friday at the arboretum? MAXIC: Sure. KANI: Sounds good to me. I know Mad’ll be there. MAD: (cough) Let’s talk more outside. I want to get out of this room. "This whole thing wasn’t that bad, was it?" Robert Manul looked at Frank. "No, I had fun. Met you guys, and got a paycheck. I might even come back if they need me." "Same here. Ten bucks an hour and free food can’t be beat." Jessica Banton said. Amy Micheals brushed a leaf from her long black hair. "As long as they don’t show any lemons, I’m game." "Yeah, we don’t want you going insane again." Rob said. "That only happened once." Amy replied. "Besides, your the only mad one here, Mad Cow." "It’s weird. I can’t seem to think of you guys as Rob, Jessica, and Amy. I’m stuck using those old nicknames." Frank James said. "Same here." Jessica agreed. "Except those two." she nodded to Rob and Amy, “I think they’re very used to using their real names." Amy coughed. "Will you stop it Kani. Me and Mad met for lunch once." "I’m kidding. So I’ll see everyone Friday?" Jessica asked. "Definitely." Frank said. "Well, then I’ll see everyone later." <><><><><><><><><><><><><>>><<^>><<<><><><><><><><><><> It’s finally flippin’ finished! Yes! I am so sick of this thing. End volume 1