'Riff it to pieces' Matchmaker MiSTed!

Author:

2. And when you get to the end, stop.

(The fic begins to roll once more and the girls look up from their snacks to continue the riff fest that they're enjoying to an extent.)

I have ever had inside of me." The comment surprised Galim and he came inside of her.

Shadow - Quite the minute man isn't he?

"Oh, no what have I done?"

Alliel - Calm down, it's just an orgasm.

Nabiki smiled at him. "It's all right I'm on the pill." He sighed with relief and

Releena - Promptly smacked him for not thinking of it in the first place.
Nuku - Okay small note, being on the pill doesn't protect you from STD's, you knob!

when he looked back up she as gone and so was the money. "Well that was interesting." Galim said to himself.

Shadow - (Galim) I'll be living in a house with a prostitute I can boff, while thinking about her  older sister.

3 day had passed and

Releena - ...still the author didn't know how to use grammar properly.

it was starting to bug Galim how Nabiki was acting

Alliel - ...out the part of Juliet in the upcoming play because damnit -he- wanted to wear the pretty dresses!

like nothing had happened. He decided he should just forget it as well, Kasumi was the one he had his eye on.

Nuku - (puts her head in her hand) I wonder what Kasumi will think once she finds out about what happened in the bathroom.
Shadow - What makes you so sure that she'll find out.
Nuku - Nabiki.  No wait she's OOC so never mind.

To clear his mind he decided he should go out and

Alliel - ...have a toke.

train.

(Releena takes a dictionary from hyper space and chucks it at the screen)

He stepped outside and begun swinging his sword around, frequently he would drop it and

Alliel - Everyone would promptly laugh their asses off at him.

practice some fighting moves. Akane jut finished breakfast

Nuku - I wonder if there were any survivors.

and was walking down the hall when he saw Galim outside.

Shadow - I thought that Ranma was the only one who changed sexes.

She was amazed at how

Releena - ...much he stunk, he really needed a bath.

fast he could move being 7 ½ feet tall and wielding that huge sword. "Um, excuse me but are you

Alliel - ...even taking into consideration the laws of physics?  No?  Thought not.

almost done?"

Nuku - (Galim) Odd your sister said the same thing a little while ago.

Galim acted like he didn't hear her. He made three more large swings and then responded.

Shadow - (Galim) Alright enough macho posturing for now, I wanna go shopping.

"Yes is there something you wanted to tell me?" "Yes, Kasumi wanted you to pick up an order from the Cat Café, if you don't mind." Galim Got excited.

Releena - Just at the mentioning of her name!  Wow!
Nuku - (cuffs Releena) Not -that- kind of excited you pervert.

"I'd love to!"

Shadow - (Galim) But I need to take a bath first.

Galim walked down the street to the Cat Café dragging Ranma by the pigtail.

Nuku - (Galim) Me Galim, you Ranma, now turn girl so Galim can fuck.

"Why do I have to

Alliel - (Ranma) suck your dick, my throat is sore.

(The other three spit out the jolt they had been drinking)

Nuku - You never stop amazing me darling.

go with you?" Ranma said trying to keep his balance. "I wanted to talk with you.

Releena - (Galim) And I didn't want to be a civilized person and just ask you, I had to drag you behind me a mile or so first.

How would you and Ryoga like to

Nuku - (Galim) join me in a foursome, Nabiki's pretty good.
Shadow - Are the shonen ai jokes going to stop anytime soon?
The other three - Hell no!
Shadow - Good.

spar with me again, like we did two years ago?"

Alliel - (blinks) Don't you love it when things are brought up out of the blue in fics.
Nuku - It reminds me of 'Midnight Party'.

"So, you want a rematch!" Ranma said cockily after being let go. "You feel like loosing again?" Galim smiled. "As I recall Ranma I was the victor in that match."

All - (sweatdrop then begin coughing) Bullshit.  Bullshit.

A tear forms on Ranma's head. "Oh, yeah.

Shadow - (Ranma) You just keep living your delusions.

" Ranma's head sank in

Nuku - Told ya he had no brain.

(Alliel passes Nuku a couple of dollars)

shame. "Ah here we are." They arrived at the Cat Café.

Releena - That was quick.
shadow - Yeah, didn't you love the scenery along the way?

Ranma stepped in first and was quickly tackled by Shampoo.

Nuku - Question!  Who's better at glomping: Shampoo or Wakaba?

(the four sit in serious thought for a moment)

"Ne-how

Alliel - What the heck?  Ne-how?  What's that?
Nuku - A screwed up stereotyped indian greeting.
Shadow - Now I see the reason why there isn't any Japanese in the fic, the author'd screw it up.
Releena - I'd say maybe he's going by phonetical spelling but that's not how you pronounce it, despit what the dub company would try to make you believe.
Nuku - The dub companies try to translate 'hentai' as 'weird' so I don't think anyone can trust them.

Ranma you come to take Shampoo to date!"

Shadow - (Galim) You speak like Galim think, we boff!

Moose ran up to the two.

Alliel - I don't remember there ever being a Moose in Ranma 1/2.
Nuku - Maybe it's one of the author's friends?

"But Shampoo I was about to ask. Galim observed the situation but didn't want to interfere.

Shadow - He didn't even bother to seperate himself from what Moose is saying.
Releena - That's kinda rude.
Nuku - Would that be considered dropping in on a conversation?

The old woman hopped out of the back room and hopped over to Galim with a delivery box.

Alliel - What old woman?
Shadow - That old woman.
Alliel - Which one?
Shadow - -That- one!
Alliel - Oh okay, thanks for clarifying that for me.

"You must be Galim; here take this." The old women handed him the box.

Nuku - (Old woman) We're low on delivery boys.  I'll pay you in kisses...

(Releena promptly raspberries Nuku for her tastelessness)

He bowed and began to try and pry the Amazon off of Ranma.

Alliel - When?
Shadow - Where?
Nuku - Who?
Releena - Which?
All - (singing) kioku no ori no chi no nagare sennen shifuku no yurikago no watashi wa haiyuu tatoete eikyuu sabaku no fuyu no SUFINKUSU! FINKUSU!

Nuku - Ladies and Gentlemen, the Utena riffs are back in spades!
Alliel - What about cacti?
Nuku - Lets not go there, we don't want to fry someone's brain.

It took him a while but he finally broke her grip.

Shadow - Superglue will fix that right up!

On the way home Galim smelt something good. He knew the smell had to be coming from the resterant ahead.

Releena - Really?  It wasn't coming from the -restaurant- ahead?

"Hey Ranma what do they serve up there?" "Huh, oh, Okonomeokie."

Shadow - I think I shall revert to my catch phrase... what?
Nuku - I'm not going to touch it with a forty five and a half inch pole.

Galim Gasped

Alliel - Ohmygosh!  Power rangers is coming on, we better go so we don't miss it!

and took off and into the resterant. Ukyo gasped when she saw this man suddenly appear out of nowhere. "Uh what can I do for*gasp* Ranma honey!"

Shadow - I think Ukyou needs her eyes checked, last time I heard Ranma wasn't 7 and a half feet tall with a whole shit load of arsenal on his person.

Ranma had stepped in looking for Galim. "I would like to try one of your combination Okonomeokie." Galim was being very energetic and almost drooling.

Nuku - I'm reminded of the cookie monster at this point.

"Coming right up." Ukyo declared.

Shadow - What no dubbing-isms of 'sugar' being added?

Galim leaned over to Ranma to whisper. "Ranma is she another one of your Fiancées?"

Alliel - When did he learn about Ranma's fiancees?  Ranma himself didn't even realize that he had some of them until he moved to Nerima and Galim just showed up today.
All - Continuity!

"Yes." Ranma sighed. "I think she is hot." Ukyo responded when she heard those words. "YOU DO?"

Shadow - Since when?
Nuku - I take back what was said about Ranma being IC.

Her being able to hear him surprised Galim, but he thought he might as well go on.

Nuku - Oh never mind then.
Alliel - You know pointing out -who- is saying -what- makes it a whole fuck load easier on the reader.

(The others look at her in silence)

Alliel - What?  I'm getting sick of people not using the enter key and being too vague.

"Yeah, you have a fantastic body, great long silky hair, a cute face and your breast are a good size even when you tie them down."

Releena - (coughs into her fist) Okay first of all how does he know that she binds her breasts and second, what happened to Kasumi?  I thought he liked her.

Ukyo's face was completely red and Ranma was giving Galim an awkward look.

Shadow - (Ranma) Galim I thought you'd only have sex with me and Ryouga.

(The other three look at her)

Shadow - What?  I had to make some sort of shonen ai joke before the fic was finished.

A dead silence was in the room.

Nuku - You mean a silence can be considered living?
Alliel - I wonder who killed it.

Galim broke the silence by continuing. "Ranma, I think she would be the best pick as your fiancée." Ranma fell to the floor and Ukyo started to smile and sink into dreamland.

Shadow - The hell?  Oh forget it, I'm not even gonna count the characters that are OOC now.
Nuku - I will.  (whips out a calculator and punches a few buttons)  All of them.

Galim stood up. "I'll see you at home Ranma."

Releena - (Galim) I'll be waiting for you in bed, dear.

Galim had the delivery box in hand and was walking down the street all the while pondering what to do.

Nuku - (as author) Who should I screw next, Kasumi or Ukyou..?

He thought to himself. "Seems everyone is deeply in love with someone else.

Alliel - (coughs) Bullshit.
Nuku - And he can tell this by being there for a few hours?
Releena - Amazing insight he's got eh?

Seems I have my work cut out for me.

Nuku - But I can solve any problems, because I am a GOD!

But first I should ask out Kasumi."

(Group facevault)

Shadow - The hell?  Okay so he likes Kasumi but he'll fuck her sister then tell a complete stranger that he thinks she's hot?

To be continued

Nuku - Are we riffing the next part too?
BBV - It's up to Galim.

First attempt at a fan-fic. Would you please tell me what you think.

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(The girls exchange looks then sit back to relax)

Shadow - You might want to spell check it.
Alliel - And send it to a beta reader for continuity and other such things.
Nuku - It wouldn't hurt to add some more description.
Releena - And making the plot a bit more obvious is good too, unless this is a series of PWP.
Nuku - For a first time fanfic you're doing okay but generally you want to steer away from lemons until you know just how good your skills as a writer are.
Shadow - Watch yourself for redundancy.
Alliel - And good luck writing more.

(The four stretch out a bit)

Shadow - Disclaimer time?
Nuku - Yup.  Matchmaker was written by Galim and this was riffed all to fuck with his permission, and if we offended you then we're sorry, it was only meant as a joke and creative critisism.
Alliel - But sometimes it was just plain fun. (is elbowed by the other three) Ow!
Releena - I am Releena Darlian of Gundam Wing.
Alliel - I am Alliel Relrye of El Hazard.
Shadow - I am Shadow of my own imagination.
Nuku - And lastly, I am Nuku of the mental ward and until next time...

All - Good night Irene!