Mystery Lemon Theater 3000 1/2 "Spite and Malice" by Rpgingmaster, and the Lady of Genesis (^____^!!!!!!!) Rated NC-17 (for language, sexual situations) *************************************************************************** This has a NC-17 rating, which means if you are under 18, you're a prude, or just don't like foul words, sexual content, and general perversity, leave now, because I take no responsibilty for your actions if you ignore this disclaimer. Due to having the constitutional rights of freedom to speech, expression and privacy, any action you take against will be regarded as an attack on my rights, and I will seek legal recourse to prohibit such action. And besides, if you are morally offended by my work, than you shouldn't be foolish enough to read it. Sincerely Rpgingmaster *************************************************************************** After three seasons of lemon crap, It's only getting tackier and lame, RM is scraping the bottom of the barrel, The shittiness of the lemons is getting insane! People have left, New ones have arrived, Bad lemon awaits them, Will they survive? Roll Call! Snake! (Damn kid!!!!!!) Umi! (Don't piss me off!) Rose! (Just kill me now....) Ukyo! ( [to RM] You jackass!!!) Irvine! (Ooohhh...Lemony!!!!) Ferio! (Damn, this crap sucks....) Reno! (A hangover is better than this....) Anita! (Oh shit, we're screwed!) (RM) I am invincible, An unkillable pain in the ass, My lemons will drive the lab rats crazy, Cause hell or high water, I'll mentally scar the entire cast!!!!! (insert evil, insane laughter) *************************************************************************** Last time, on MLT, RM pissed about his inability to drive the MSTers insane, and he promises to deal with it...personally, in fact. What so what horrible judgement does he have in store for the MSTers? Let's find out, shall we? *************************************************************************** Time: One really long night Place: S.O.L. Rec Room *************************************************************************** It's late, around midnight, and Irvine, after having proven to Anita that he had read every chapter of the Kama Sutra, he decided to have a little fun at the expense of Solid Snake, who was currently passed out on the couch, after having lost a drinking contest with Reno. Irvine made sure his Exeter was empty, just wanting to shock Snake, and he had in his other hand a can of Coolant, so he could rouse Snake from his apparently stone cold drunken stupor. He sprayed the Coolant on Snake's face, causing the bandanned badass to grimace in his sleep, and, after putting the can down, he raised his shotgun to Snake's opening eyes, prepared to laugh as he shocked the crap out his prey. Suddenly, he let out a gasp as Snake's arm, bearing a SOCOM, held it to his crotch, and that when he heard Snake start to talk in low, sinister voice. Snake: Think you can shoot that thing? Irvine slowly backed away, and as he did, Snake rose slowly, still aiming his SOCOM at Irvine's gonads, and from the combination of being woke from a sound sleep and the hangover he was still suffering slightly, he wasn't happy. Snake: What the hell were you trying to do, you fucking kid?!?!?! At that point, Irvine decided that discretion was the better part of valor, so he took his leave and got the hell out of there. Meanwhile, Snake, after watching the cowboy hightail it over the figurative horizon, went back to sleep, where he immediately resumed his dream, a dream that involved Raiden with a bullseye on his back, and him from a far off perch with a Stinger missile launcher..... That morning...... As Ukyo woke up, she checked the time, and since it was still early, she decided to get a little more sleep. However, just as she was about to, she heard a weird sound that was vaguely reminiscent of the S.O.L. upgrading, albeit in reverse. After the noise stopped, she looked around, trying to see if anything had changed. She looked aroound the bedrooms, and everything still looked normal. The walls were still that somewhat tacky DS9-esque look, all the fixtures were still in their original places. She then checked the lemon screening room, kitchen, rec room, and elevator, and it all looked normal as well. That could only mean that something had changed in the basement. She went down the elevator, and she checked the three basement doors. The third was still blowtorched shut, the first was still a spacedock, so then she checked the second door, the door to the Pornodeck. As she eased the door open, her mouth fell open in shock as she saw something she never thought she'd she. Ranma Saotome was there, wearing nothing but his birthday suit, and Tatewaki Kuno was pounding him in the ass like there was no tomorrow, and his twisted, yet sexy as hell sister, Kodachi, was riding her fiance's fanfiction inflated cock, or at least the holographic representation of him, and as she watched in stunned shocked, too amazed to be turned either on or off, that's when all three of them beckoned to her to join them. Ukyo was freaked out, so she slammed the door shut, and she ran for the elevator, ready to tell the rest of the crew about what the hell she had just seen. Just as she got off the elevator, that's when she, and everyone else on the S.O.L. heard the intercom turn on, and RM could be heard to speak RM: Attention, lab rats! I have an announcement for you all in the lemon room. You might want to listen, for the survival of free smut as you miserable bastards know it may be destroyed if you don't listen. With that, the intercom clicked off, and she headed for the lemon screening, joined by the bleary eyed, bathrobe clad fellow crew members, and as they entered Ukyo couldn't help but noticed Snake was pissed at Irvine for some reason. She turned her attention to the screen, though, when the bishounen jackass started talking. RM: Greetings. A little while ago, some anonymous asshole flamed my MLT 300 1/2 series- Umi: (cuts in) So YOU wrote that shit! RM: (continues, ignores her) Anyway, since I couldn't find the asshole, I decided to take my rage out on you idiots, and as I believe Ms. Ukyo Kuonji can attest, I modified the Pornodeck to give some very interesting pairings....by the way, Sniper Slut, I can just see it now...you begging for it, sandwiched between Squall and Seifer- Irvine: (outraged) WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?! RM: Well, in short, the Pornodeck will be like that for an indefinite period of time...that is....until you MST the lemon..... Anita: (pissed) You're holding our free lay machine as hostage until we MST another fucking stupid lemon..you bastard...fine...bring the lemon on.... RM: (smiles) I knew you would see it my way...by the way, I'm still in the process of deciding the best way to deal with you simpletons (off screen) Dammit, Doctor, these modifications hurt like a bitch...(to the MSTers)...anyway...just MST the damned lemon. Have a crap ass day...... (screen clicks off) As the screen clicks off, the MSTers don't even get enough time to adjust in their seats until the screen turns back on, this time showing some very familiar faces. LoG is in the background, holding Luc in a glomp, and she occasionally makes comments like, "Sarah can have Sasari, but you're ALL MINE!!!!!", followed by more glomping. However, two very familar figures turn around and address the crew, and judging by what the crew can see of Yuber and Pesmerga's expression's, they don't look happy. Pesmerga: Hi. All: Hi! Yuber: (notices Solid) Snake, is that you?!?!?!?! Snake: Uhh, yeah, so what? Yuber: (praises God) I finally got a chance to meet the toughest badass in history...well, next to myself. FUCK YEAH!!!! Snake: (a little awed) Uhh..thanks.... Yuber: (calms down) Sorry about that, I guess I got carried away, anyway, we've read the lemon..it's a Yu-gi-oh!/ Revolutionary Girl Utena crossover lemon. It's not all that bad, but I can't garuntee that it will hold your interest for longer than it takes it to flame it. Anyway, if you're wondering why me and Pesty are pissed, it's because LoG is damned hung up on Luc, and even though we finally got out of the mental health facility we were incarcerated in just to be with her, she still hogs Luc...damn..... Pesmerga: For once, I agree with Yucky. Yuber: (mad) WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?! Pessy: (smirks) Yucky. Yuber: (snarls and punches Pessy) As the two start to brawl, the screen clicks off, and the nonplussed crew doesn't even bat an eye, then the girls leave, and the guys stay behind to MST the lemon. **************************************************************************** Author's Note: The 654321 board will be dedicated to Final Fantasy 10 this time round. **************************************************************************** 6- A Blitzball game has to postponed, mostly because when a Guado punted the ball, it ended up hitting Wakka in the unmentionables. 5- As Auron finally kicks down Yuna's door, after waiting for hours for Yuna to open it, his shades crack in two from the shock of watching her and her aeons "get a little more intimately acquainted". 4- The deities that oversee lemons finally get their revenge when Lulu's top falls the rest of the way off... 3- A battle grinds to a complete halt when all the fiends and heroes laugh their asses off as Tidus misaims a Thunder spell, and casts it on his sword instead, frying him in the process. 2- As an Ahriman opens it's eye, Wakka drops the blitzball, dons a boxing glove, and seconds later, mails a picture to Guiness to prove that he had discovered the world's largest black eye. 1- A Mika/Yunalesca lemon. Nuff said. (lemon pops onscreen) >Welcome. Snake: (drily) To hell. >This is another Yu-Gi-Oh! Crossover fanfic by me. It's a lemon _and_ a >darkfic! Uh-oh...! >Enjoy! Reno: Sure I'll enjoy this....like a fist in the mouth and a foot up my backside. >Yu-Gi-Oh! (King of Games) was created by Kazuki Takahashi. >"Revolutionary Girl Utena" (or "Shoujo Kakumei Utena," if you otaku >prefer) belongs to a whole bunch of people and companies. >"Sakura Wars" (or "Sakura Taisen" if you otaku prefer) is owned by SEGA. >This might end up crossing over with some other Anime, so I'll just say >that if it does, those other Anime belong to their rightful owners. Ferio: (Author) Not that I care, since I am writing them into a bad lemon, but......... >~NOTE~ >This is a rewrite of the first six parts of Yu-Gi-Oh-Ji!, since I felt it >desperately needed one. I've fixed some mistakes, corrected some >discrepencies and contradictions, and just plain out changed some things. >Don't worry, the basic plot (and most of your favorite scene) will still >be Ferio: (Author) As boring as they usually are after the 450th viewing. >intact! Enjoy! >~END NOTE~ >YU-GI-OH-JI! (Prince of Games) >~PROLOGUE: "Soiled Ribbons"~ Irvine: That title just sounds a little too disgusting...... Snake: Aren't you every day of your life? Irvine: (to Snake) Bastard..... >A Yu-Gi-Oh!/Revolutionary Girl Utena/Sakura Wars Dark Lemon Crossover >FanFic by Yami Goku >>-+*+- >On the faraway land of Momobara Island... >The invasion came with little warning. A man by the name of Lord Itamiou; >along with his loyal team of ninjas, the Yuuhi Ninjas; invaded Momobara >Castle late one night. The quartet managed to break through security by Reno: Distracting the guards with pictures of tits. >slaughtering all the guards and servants in sight. When they finally made >it to King Kireihana's quarters, Lord Itamiou woke the king and challenged >him to a game of Duel Monsters. King Kireihana's deck was powerful for >the ruler of a small prosperous island kingdom, but alas, it was no match >for Snake: A paper shredder. >the awesome fury of Itamiou's "ultimate" deck. After Kireihana collapsed >and wept in defeat, Itamiou unsheathed his weapon, the almighty Millenium >Sword. Irvine: (smirks) Oh really....let me show you MY ultimate weapon..... (points at the crotch area of his chaps) >The Millenium Sword. Claimed to be an "eighth" Millenium Item which was >buried far beneath the sands of ancient Egypt because of its immense >power, the Millenium Sword had the ability to absorb the souls of those >its bearer defeats. Each time its holder defeats an opponent, the holder >gains more Ferio: Soul? >power and strength. >Itamiou raised the sword and drove it straight through the chest of the >fallen King. However, instead of killing him, the sword drove through, >as if it were transparent. Kireihana let out a bloodcurdling scream as >his very essence was drained from him. As soon as his soul was completely >absorbed, he collapsed, an empty shell of a human being. The Millenium >Sword glowed with a bright, mystic energy as Itamiou's power level >increased. The sword was slowly withdrawn, and placed back in >Itamiou's sheath. Irvine: I'd say a hentai joke right about now, but I think I'll refrain. >After acknowledging the praise from his ninjas, Itamiou picked up >Kireihana's crown from his bedside table, and placed it gently on his >head. Irvine: Again...I'd say a hentai joke...but I think I'll refrain. >His eyes then gazed over to the King and entire Kingdom's ultimate >treasure,sitting in a small picture frame by his bedside. Why King >Kireihana didn't use it in his deck was beyond Itamiou's understanding. Ferio: Maybe because he doesn't having much understanding in the first place is my guess. >After all, no strong Duelist would ever turn down the opportunity to >put in their deck the Reno: Get out of Jail Free Card. >unbeatable _Mythic Dragon_...! >-+*+- >After Lord Itamiou's conquering of the throne, changes quickly began to >take place. The Yuuhi Ninjas ran throughout the kingdom, pillaging and >plundering Snake: Like Ocelot in an antique gun shop. >the houses. The Ninjas also stole any rare or powerful Duel Monster cards >they could get their hands on. For this was the primary mission of the >Yuuhi Ninjas: Defeat Duelists, and steal their decks. The leader was Kuro >Jigoku, Master of Dark Monsters. The second was Hokage Michikawa, Master >of Fire Monsters. The Master of Thunder Monsters was Koushiro Inazumano. >When all three of them were together, they were undoubtedly a force to be >reckoned with... Reno: (finishing) ...but seperately, they sucked hind tit. >-+*+- >The day afterwards, Ohtori Academy was taken over by Koushiro, by >Itamiou's orders. He handed the Chairman, Akio Ohtori, a most ugly >defeat, and Itamiou impaled him with his sword, absorbing his soul and >further increasing Itamiou's power. Itamiou dubbed him the new >Chairperson of the Academy, which became Inazumano Academy a few minutes >later. Koushiro was the brainiac of the Yuuhi Ninjas, so he was perfect >for the job. Itamiou knew that he could mold these fine young men and >women into perfect slaves... Irvine: Lucky bastard probably trained them all, or at least the women, to give him head around the clock...well, at least that's what I'd do if I were him. >-+*+- >But Itamiou's terror didn't end there. He also had a big plan to collect >the seven other Millenium Items, in order to release their full power and >rule the world! Reno: (sarcastically) Rule the world...oh THAT idea was stunningly original....... >In order to find all seven, he would hold a prestigious tournament, in >which those with the Millenium Items would most likely show up. Ferio: And, due to the fact that this story has more glaring deus ex machina that most other lemons and non lemons combined, those Millenium items will just happen to appear. >And in addition to that, those with the famous, all-powerful Egyptian God >cards would show up as well! With those, he'd be the strongest Duelist in >the entire Universe! All: (monotone, deadpan, to Itamiou) Cool. >But, just as Itamiou expected, there were...complications. Snake: I guessing those complications were an Austin Powers to his Dr. Evil, or perhaps a James Bond to his SPECTRE, or something like that. >Shortly after Ohtori Academy was taken over, a revolution took place. >A revolutionary girl, that is. A pink-haired chick ambushed him while he >was "enjoying" a "nice evening stroll" through the park. Irvine: And, given the slant of this story, her odds of being under his naked body very shortly are shockingly high. >"I am Utena Tenjo, and I demand that you should relinquish control of the >Momobara throne back to King Kireihana and get the Hell off the island!" >demanded the girl. Snake: (to the other MSTers) Just out of curiousity, how could anyone be intimidated by someone who looks like they walked off the set of a Prissy Pink Powder Puff Doll House set? >Itamiou didn't feel threatened at all. "I don't have to take orders from >such a weak little bitch like _you!_ Do you have any fucking idea who the >Hell you're _DEALING WITH?!_ I AM LORD ITAMIOU! CONTROLLER OF THE >MILLENIUM SWORD, AND SOON THE ENTIRE WORLD! WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA >HA HA HA...!" >Itamiou didn't want to admit it, but there was something about her that >made him want to either rape her senseless or defeat her in competition >and steal her soul. Irvine: Why doesn't he want to admit the former? Hell, I would want to rape that lesbian bitch, and Anthy too! >Finally, Utena whipped out her ultimate weapon: A Dueling deck! >"Then prepare to Duel! If I win, you have to leave this kingdom at once, >and give the crown back to King Kireihana-sama!" Reno: (laughs) I'd really like to know how you give something back to a dead guy whose body is no longer on this mortal coil. >"Oh, I'm sorry. My ears must be plugged up. Did you say, 'give the crown >back to King Kireihana'?! Gee, that's gonna be a _leetle_ hard, seeing how >as I _ABSORBED HIS PATHETIC LITTLE SOUL WITH THE POWERS OF MY MILLENIUM >SWORD! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...!" Itamiou laughed maniacly. >Utena's blue eyes began to tear up. "ITAMIOU, YOU MONSTER!" Her voice >began to break. "Th-this Duel is for King Kireihana-sama...! A kind and >loving king...!" Irvine: (Utena) And I should know..after all, I was his favorite slut. >"Ooh, is the little pink-haired skank gonna _cry?!_ Maybe I should go get >you a _fucking bottle and a blanket!_" Itamiou growled. Utena wiped away a >tear." *sniff* ALL RIGHT! TIME TO TEACH YOU A LESSON IN COMPASSION! TIME >TO DUEL!" Snake; Yeah, I know, it's cruel of me to say, but I find myself rooting for the asshole...odd, I've spent most of my adult life killing them....... >Itamiou grinned. "If you insist...!" >Itamiou raised his Millenium Sword in the air, and the ground beneath them >suddenly transformed into a Dueling arena! The two Duelists were at >opposite sides of the arena, ready to Duel! Ferio: (exasperated) Isn't that what a DUELING arena is for?!?! >***DUEL!*** >---------- >Itamiou: 4000 >Utena: 4000 >---------- >"Just to be a 'gentleman', I'll let _you_ go first!" Itamiou knew that >letting his opponent go first gave his a tactical advantage, since he knew Ferio: That by giving her the preemptive attack, she would kick his ass first.......what an idiot..... >how to counter his opponent perfectly. Utena drew her card. "Very well, >Itamiou! I summon Hibikime in Attack Mode! And I'll place this other card >face down!" Utena summoned Hibikime, a pale woman wearing a green dress >and wielding an enourmous scythe. Snake: Sounds like Sailor Pluto on a bad day- Irvine: -after having beaten the shit out of Saturn and taking away her scythe. >--- >1450 >1000 >--- >She also place a card down in the Magic/Trap Zone. >Itamiou chuckled. "Oh, is that all you're going to do on your first turn? Irvine: (Utena) Well, I already fingered myself off, what more do you want?! >Pity. For my monster has enough power to destroy your weak little >Hibikime! I summon the mighty Destroyer Golem, with an Attack strength of >1500!" >A giant stone golem with a giant right fist appeared on the field. >--- >1500 >1000 >--- >"Your monster is 50 Attack points weaker! Destroyer Golem, drive her Reno: (Itamiou) -to the pier, and have the concrete shoes ready! >Hibikime into the ground! STONE FIST CRUSHER! HA HA HA!" Itamiou ordered >his monster to attack. D. Golem charged at Hibikime with its right fist >ready to deliver a devastating punch! However, Utena was prepared. "I >DON'T THINK SO!" She yelled as she activated a Trap card. >"NANI?" Itamiou acted in mock shock. >"YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD! REINFORCEMENTS!" A small team of armed >soldiers appeared around Hibikime! "Reinforcements increases a monster's >ATK by 500 Points for one turn when activated!" >Sure enough, Hibikime's Attack rose by 500! Ferio: And the Author wins the redundancy award..... >--- >1950 >1000 >--- >"NO! That means...!" Itamiou continued his fake shock act. >"That your Destroyer Golem destroys itself!" Utena finished as D. Golem >fist landed a direct punch, and it was instantly destroyed! "And that also >takes away a portion of your Life Points!" Snake: Well, no duh. Getting the crap beaten out of you isn't exactly good for your health....unless you're Irvine here...who I believe likes it rough.... Irvine: I DO NOT! Snake: (pulls Irvine's sleeve up to reveal whip mark) Then how do you explain that? Irvine:....... >---------- >Itamiou: 3550 >Utena: 4000 >---------- >Utena knew that she now had an advantage over Itamiou. "And since you >have no monsters on the field, that means I can attack your Life Points >_directly!_ HIBIKIME, ATTACK HIS LIFE POINTS!" >Hibikime charged directly at Itamiou, and it seemed as if Itamiou would be >sliced up with her scythe when it attacked! >---------- >Itamiou: 2100 >Utena: 4000 >---------- >Itamiou didn't even seem to care that nearly half of his Life Points had >been eraticated in two turns. "Hmm, let's see...What shall I use to >defeat that girl's Hibikime? ...I know! I play _this_ card...in Defense >Mode!" >Itamiou placed a monster card in face-down Defense position. >"What? Don't you have anything strong enough in your hand?" asked Utena, >confused. >"No, I'm afraid not! Go ahead and attack me!" Itamious said, trying hold >back a grin. >"Very well! First, I also summon Rainbow Flower in Attack Mode!" Utena >said as she slapped down another monster. A flower with multi-colored >petals sitting in a potter appeared. >--- >400 >500 >--- >"Rainbow Flower's special ability lets it attack Life Points directly! Go, >Rainbow Flower! Attack!" R. Flower extended a pair of thick vine whips >directly at Itamiou, Snake: So it could show Itamiou why Irvine likes- Irvine: I DO NOT LIKE IT ROUGH, YOU DUMB FUCK!!!! >bypassing his Defense monster and attacking him! >---------- >Itamiou: 1700 >Utena: 4000 ---------- >"Now, my Hibikime shall attack your face-down monster!" Hibikime leapt at >the face-down monster, which revealed itself before the attack! --- 100 2600 --- >Itamiou laughed again. "HA HA! You've attacked my Big Shield Gardna, with >a Defense of 2600! That means you lose Life Points!" >"GAAHH!" Utena cringed as she took recoil damage. >---------- >Itamiou: 1700 >Utena: 2850 >---------- >"When Big Shield Gardna is attacked in face-down Defense Mode, it must be >automatically switched to Attack Mode." B.S.G switched into Attack Mode. Ferio: How damn redundant does this have to GET?!?!?!?!?! >"It's my move! Ha ha ha...! First, I play these two cards face-down..." >Itamiou placed two cards face-down in the Magic/Trap Zone. >"Next, I sacrifice my weaker Big Shield Gardna, in order to >summon...CYBER-TECH ALLIGATOR! WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA...!" B.S.G >disappeared, and was replaced by a strange-looking cyborg alligator! Ferio: (monotone) I...already...knew...that. >--- >2500 >1600 >--- >"Oh-no!" Utena cried. >"CYBER-TECH ALLIGATOR, DESTROY HER RAINBOW FLOWER! HA HA HA HA HA HA >HA...!" Itamiou laughed, as he knew that this attack would take out a >great deal of Utena' Life Points. >With a slash from its mighty claw, Rainbow Flower was no more. >---------- >Itamiou: 1700 >Utena: 750 >---------- >Utena didn't want to lose! She didn't want to think about what would happen >then! "No...! It can't end like this...!" Irvine: (Utena, to Itamiou) It has to end with my cock in your ass! Reno: (looks at Irvine) The HELL? >"It's hopeless! You might as well surrender now!" Itamiou could sense how >afraid Utena was. But Utena still didn't give up hope. >"NO! I WILL NOT SURRENDER! NOT WHEN SO MANY PEOPLE'S LIVES ARE AT STAKE!" >Utena drew her card. She looked at it. "YES! I HAVE JUST DRAWN THE CARD >THAT SIGNALS YOUR DEFEAT!" >Itamiou acted innocent. "Oh?" >"THIS IS FOR YOU, OU-SAMA!" She slapped a Magic card with a triumphant >flourish. "It's the Magic card, 'Soul Exchange'! Soul Exchange lets me >use one of your own monsters as a Tribute for my own! And I offer _your_ >Cyber-Tech Alligator, along with my Hibikime..." >Cyber-Tech Alligator and Hibikime vanished in a display of light, as Utena >slapped down her strongest monster! Irvine: Unfortunately, her dick fought back! Snake: What the hell are you talking about? Irvine: This fic sucks, so I have to entertain mysely with my own dirty humor, and if I MST the fic in the process, so much the better. Ferio: (to Snake): As much as I would like to argue, I can see his point, althougth I wish he'd stop..... >"...to summon...THE DARK MAGICIAN!" >One of the strongest Spellcasters in the game was summoned, except there >was something different about it: Its sorcerer's gown was pink, and it >had blue eyes! Long, lavender hair hung out from underneath its cap. Snake: It looks like Ms. Powder Puff summoned the Prissy Pink Powder Puff Mage......and I'll bet money that Itamiou will be laughing his ass off over that... >--- >2500 >2100 >--- >"Fortunately for you, Soul Exchange does not let me attack on the same turn. >I end my turn." Ferio: And hopefully...this crappy fanfic. >"Very well...heh heh heh...!" Itamiou chuckled. >Itamiou drew a card. He smiled fiendishly. "Haha! I play "Monster Reborn"! >And I revive my Cyber-Tech Alligator!" >Cyber-Tech Alligator was revitalized! >"Both of our monsters Attacks are equal! If you attack, we'll both be >destroyed!" >--- --- >2500 2500 >2100 1600 >--- --- >"We'll just see about that!" Utena drew, and looked at her card. >"YES! I power up my Dark Magician with Book of Secret Arts, increasing its >ATK and DEF by 300!" >The Dark Magician speed-read through the entire volume in several seconds! RM: (from intercom) Big whoop de fucking doo daa...I CAN DO THAT!!!! >--- >2800 >2400 >--- >However, Itamiou wasn't fazed by this. He simply smiled. >"And now, my Dark Magician is strong enough to destroy your Cyber-Tech >Alligator! DARK MAGICIAN, ATTACK AND DESTROY HIS CYBER-TECH ALLIGATOR! >DARK MAGIC ATTACK!" Utena declared her attack with a physical florish. Ferio; Doesn't he mean flourish? >D. Magician released a wave of pink magic at Cyber-Tech Alligator! >Itamiou wasn't afraid. Snake: (snorts) Who would be? >"HA HA HA! Activating Trap card: Negate Attack!" >The attack disappeared before it hit Itamiou's monster! >"NO!" Utena cried as her attack vanished. >"And Negate Attack automatically ends your Battle Phase!" added Itamiou. >Utena sighed. "Your turn..." Irvine: (Utena) -to eat me out. >"Okay! I draw a card..." Itamiou said slowly. >Itamiou looked at the card. He broke out into diabolical laughter. >"WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! I HAVE JUST DRAWN THE >MOST UNBEATABLE MONSTER IN DUEL MONSTERS! IT'S ALL OVER, _UTENA TENJO!_ HA >HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAA...!" Ferio: Has anyone noticed that 99.9% of all evil bastards like to laugh? >Utena was seriously scared on the inside, but she maintained her courageous >demeanor. "...Oh, really? Let's see it...!" Irvine: Making a hentai joke out of that line is way too easy. >Itamiou was so excited as the prospect of having Utena as his slave, he >couldn't help but become partially erect. "PREPARE TO BECOME MY SLAVE, >UTENA! First, I shall revive another one of my monsters..." Reno: Isn't it already halfway there? >Utena immediately saw a major flaw in Itamiou's plan. "With what? Official >rules say you're allowed only one "Monster Reborn" per deck!" Utena's heart >was furiously pounding in her chest with fear, and she began to perspire. >"With _THIS!_" Itamiou held up a Magic card. "With "Premature Burial"! >This Magic card allows to revive one of my monsters at the cost of 800 of >my Life Points!" >---------- >Itamiou: 900 >Utena: 750 >---------- >"And I revive my Destroyer Golem!" >D. Golem re-appeared on the field, looking somewhat zombie-like. >--- >1500 >1000 >--- >"Are you crazy?! If I destroy that, it'll take away all your Life Points!" >Utena thought that Itamiou might've been making futile, desperate moves. >But he wasn't. Ferio: Or rather...he hadn't finished yet. >"I'm not done, little girl! And now, I reveal my second face-down card!" >Itamiou flipped up a Magic card, which had the picture of a mischievious >blue fox creature on it. >"It's called "Döppleganger," which can copy any card in the opponent's >Graveyard! ...And I shall copy your Hibikime! HA HA HA HA...!" The Döppleganger card turned into Hibikime, and moved to the Monster Zone! >--- >1450 >1000 >--- >Utena was curious as to what Itamiou's big plan was. "Okay, what makes you >think that that's enough to beat my Dark Magician?!" >"Why, it's simple, Miss Tenjo! These three monsters are going to be used... >for a _tribute!_ HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA...!" Itamiou >explained. Ferio: I understand he's happy, but laughing that much should be punished by law...... >Utena was literally scared stiff at the thought of being Itamiou's slave. >However, she was still able to think straight, but barely. >"" Utena managed to speak. "Y-Y-You're summoning one of the Egyptian God >cards, aren't you...?!" >"Oh, no! It's not an Egyptian God card! (Though I _will_ get them >eventually), " Itamiou muttered to himself. "It's something nearly as >bad! ENJOY YOUR LAST MINUTES OF FREEDOM, UTENA! HA HA HA! I NOW SACRIFICE Ferio: (Itamiou) MY SANITY! WAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! I'M A FUCKIN NUTTER!!!!!! >CYBER-TECH ALLIGATOR, DESTROYER GOLEM, AND HIBIKIME..." >All of Itamiou's monsters vanished in pillars of light. >"...IN ORDER TO SUMMON THE ALMIGHTY, UNQUESTIONED KING OF DUEL MONSTERS... >MY ULTIMATE MONSTER, THE UNBEATABLE _MYTHIC DRAGON!_ >WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA...!" >The Mythic Dragon was summoned in a spectacular display of light and >volcanic lava! Snake: (sniffs) This smells of a Pokemon ripoff...... >--- >5000 >4000 >--- >Utena stared at it with extreme shock. >"Masaka...! He...stole Ou-sama's prized card...n-now I'm completely at its >mercy...!" Utena broke down and started crying. "NOOOOO-OOO-OO-Ooo...! >*sob* I'VE FAILED YOU, OU-SAMA! I GAVE IT MY BEST, AND I STILL _FAILED!_ >*sob* *wail*" Ferio; As much as I'd like to be shocked, I could have already figured this out by the time she walked into this pisspoor attempt at fanfiction. >"WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAaaaaa...! THIS IS IT! THIS >IS THE END! MYTHIC DRAGON...OBLITERATE HER DARK MAGICIAN _AND_ HER LIFE >POINTS! WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...!" Itamiou gave the >final command. Snake: (Itamiou) FIRE! >The Mythic Dragon let loose the full fury of its attack, and soon Dark >Magician was no more. >---------- >Itamiou: 900 >Utena: 0 >---------- >Utena continued to sob loudly. "I'VE _LOST!_ *sob*" Irvine: (Itamiou) No, you won....my cock in your tight cunt! >Itamiou broke out into maniacal laughter again. "WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! >I _WIN!_ HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! YOUR DECK, ALONG WITH YOUR OWN SELF, >BELONG TO _ME!_ HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...!" >The arena vanished, and Itamiou walked over to Utena, who had collapsed on >her knees. The Yuuhi Ninjas, who had been watching the whole time, >approached her and looked her over. >"Ah, good work, Itamiou-sama!" complimented Hokage. >"What an excellent prize!" Koushiro said. >"_Damn_, she's one hot bitch! I can't wait to get a piece of that pussy!" A >horny Kuro stated. Irvine: If that Kuro guy winds up on the S.O.L, I gotta buy that guy a beer...figuratively speaking...... >Itamiou looked at Kuro, and recalled that he was at one time, an American >citizen. But he had been a serial rapist and a die-hard kleptomaniac, so >he had to flee the country before he was convicted and put to death. Reno: (smirks) What was he sentenced to death for, stealing panties, or punching his dick into their owners asses? >"Gomen, Kuro-san! I don't _care_ that you've defiled 200 schoolgirls in >your lifetime! She's going to be the prize in a little Duel Monsters >Tournament we'll be holding here! The victor shall be the one to claim the >Mythic Dragon _and_ her cherry! If no one wins (and that's how it's going >to be), we're welcome to do whatever the Hell we want with her! HA HA HA >HA HA HA!" Itamiou thought that his plan was so genius, he couldn't help >but laugh again. >Utena started to cry even louder when she heard this. Not only was she >going to be forced into slavery, she was also to be the top prize in a >tournament, _or_ equally bad, doomed to be a worthless piece of meat for >these cruel, sadistic perverts to rape and ravish for the rest of her >life! Irvine: FUCK YEAH!!!! I'd like to be a part of that! >"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ONEGAI! TAKE ME, BUT _PLEASE_ LET EVERYONE IN THE >KINGDOM _GO!_ *sob* *choke*" >"Hmmm...Maybe I _WON'T!_ HA HA HA HA HAAA...! Hokage-san, the _chains!_ Irvine: (bored) Bondage. Yawn. >HA HA HA HA...!" Itamiou said as Hokage took a bunch of chains seemingly out >of nowhere! Utena could only watch as her arms were shackled behind her >back, and a collar was affixed around her neck! Utena didn't say anything, >she just wept for her own and everyone else's fate. Itamiou and the >Ninjas Reno: Proceeded to fuck her silly. >led her back to the castle by the collar. The whole way, her bodily >expression conveyed that of one being led to the gallows: head down low, >totally silent, walking at a slow and solemn pace. Whenever they passed >someone on the street, that person either bowed down and worshipped >Itamiou, or shouted something like "All hail Lord Itamiou!" or "Lord >Itamiou, Lord and Master!" Utena looked up at that person and cast an >expression that seemed to say "Help me" in a gutteral whisper. Snake: I tried that when Ocelot was about to torture me, and Sniper Wolf gave me the finger. >As soon as they got to the castle, she was lead down to the dungeon, where >her arms and legs were chained to the wall. >"I...I thought I was going to be your slave..." Utena said weakly. Ferio: (Itamiou) Nahhh...I just get off chaining girls to a wall.... >Itamiou thought a little. "Hai, but...I don't really _need_ anything _now_." >Itamou (and the Ninjas) were starting get a hard-on staring at her in her >current predicament. Her chest sticking out invitingly due to her arms >being held up, her legs open wide from being held apart, and the fact that >she was practically immobile and unable to fend off any kind of assault. >"Damn! She's even more hot when chained up! Itamiou-sama, how the Hell are >you expecting me to stay away from a gorgeous babe like her?!" Kuro asked, >rock-hard. Irvine: The guy has a point. >Itamiou thought about it a bit. "Well...I suppose a _little_ defilement >won't hurt. But leave your dicks out of her cunt! That's one of the main >prizes!" Irvine; The hell? That IS the main prize! >Kuro couldn't be more excited. "FUCKIN' ALL RIGHT!" >"Oh-NO!" Utena screamed as Kuro reached up and started fondling her breasts >through her shirt. >"Noo...don't...onegai...!" pleaded Utena. >Hokage moved downwards, and looked up Utena's skirt. He lifted it up >slighty, exposing her silky pink panties. Utena started to blush, >wondering why she _had_ to have lost that bet with Anthy. >"St-stay away from there...! *sob*" Irvine: GO THERE!!!! GO TTHHHEEERRREEE!!!!!! (jerks off like crazy in his excitement) FSR: (roll their eyes in Irvine's general direction) >Kuro quickly tore open Utena's top, revealing her silky pink bra. >"AAAAAHHH! NOOOOO!" Utena wished she could do something to fend him off, >but it was no use with the shackled preventing her! Ferio: One, shackles will do that, that's the point of being shackled. Two, it's "shackles", not "shackled". Three, find a spellchecker, and I do mean quick. >Kuro continued to fondle Utena's breasts as he felt her nipples getting >harder under the fabric. Meanwhile, Hokage moved Utena's panties aside, >and stuck his finger up her pussy. >"WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ST-STAY OUT OF THERE!" Utena wanted to reserve >the privelige of touching that very personal area to her future lover. Snake: Too late. >"ALL RIGHT! She _is_ a virgin! And so tight, too!" Hokage smiled. >Koushiro wasn't as perverted as Kuro or Hokage, but the sight of an >innocent girl being assaulted like this was more than enough to drive him Reno: To extreme guilt, and Kuro and Hokage were distracted temporarily as he committed suicide for the evil he had just done......WHAT THE FUCK AM I SMOKING?!?!?!?!?! >over the edge! He needed to a piece of her _now!_ Ferio: (pissed) Dammit! The sentence goes "He wanted a piece of her _now!_. (to the writer) Can't you get anything right, you numb fuck?! >He took a pair of ninja claws (shuko) from his pouch and put them on his >hands. He leaped into the air, his claws catching in the ceiling. >"Itamiou-sama, could you please...?" Snake: (Koushiro) Suck me off? Irvine: (turns green and his cock goes limp) >"Certainly, Koushiro-san." Itamiou fully got the gist of what Koushiro >wanted of him, and he approved of it fully. He unzipped Koushiro's >trousers, and fished out his cock. >"Domo arigato." >Utena stared at Koushiro's monster cock with wide eyes. She knew what he >wanted her to do. Lightly sobbing, she took his dick into her mouth and Snake: Bit it with a ferocity to make even Mike Tyson cringe. >started to slowly move her lips up and down the shaft. Koushiro shuddered >in exstacy. "*shudder* Oh, Kami-sama...she's so warm...so moist...! *moan* >She's _definitely_ never had a cock in her mouth before...!" Irvine: And if you get that horny from a blowjob, you've never been laid before. >Meanwhile, Kuro had tugged her bra up, revealing her breasts with erect >pink nipples. Kuro dove in and started sucking her right tit. Utena >couldn't complain, her mouth was completely stuffed with Koushiro's >ninjahood. Hokage had pulled her panties completely out of the way, >revealing her virgin pussy. Snake: It won't be for long. >"Hee hee...She's _naturally_ pink...!" Hokage smiled again as he eyes >Utena's gorgeous pussy. Hokage shoved his face into Utena's cunt and >started eating her out! Again, Koushiro's large member prevented protest. >Itamiou wanted a piece of her too, but there was no sensual spot left >unoccupied. So he just decided to pull out his dick and jack off to >the spectacle. >Utena never felt more humiliated in her life! Having her mouth, tits, and >pussy violated like this by three horny ninjas while a cruel, sadistic man >whacked off to her plight just made her want to die! Irvine: Tough luck, bitch! Ferio: (annoyed) I know it's a lemon, but do you have ANY sensitivity? Irvine: Well, in a special place..... Ferio: (quickly) Please, no details! >Kuro was alternating attention on both her breasts, Hokage had spread >her pussy-lips and was licking the insides of her love box, and Koushiro >was moaning louder as he seemed to approach climax. Tears were flowing >like rivers down her face, which was now pinker than her hair. Utena >was bracing herself for her first taste of male cum, while at the >same time trying to hold off her own approaching orgasm, with little luck. Finally... >"*gasp!*" Utena's eyes opened wide and she stopped sucking Koushiro's >cock as her pussy splashed her girlcum straight in Hokage's face. Hokage >got some in his mouth, and he tasted it. >"Oh, _man!_ Does she ever taste _sweet_!" >uro stopped molesting her breasts and look down. "Let me taste!" Kuro >icked up some of the juice still dripping out of Utena's pussy. >Mmmm...Itamiou-sama, you _sure_ do know how to pick 'em!" >tamiou continued masturbating as he looked up at a very humiliated Utena >ith cum dripping out of her cunt. "Hai...arigato..." >Koushiro let out a loud moan as he finally loaded off in Utena's mouth. >MMMPH! *gack* *choke* *choke*" Utena almost choked on Koushiro's seed. >Koushiro withdrew his cock from Utena's mouth. Utena gagged and choked >on his vile seed. She had always wanted her first taste of semen and her >first oral sex experience to be from her prince, but now that dream was >shattered. Itamiou gave a big grunt as he finally came all over the floor, >the site of a very defiled Utena acting as enticement material. Itamiou >wiped up his mess, and he and the Yuuhi Ninjas proceeded to leave the >dungeon. >"Oyasumi, Utena! If you're a good little girl, we might even let you walk >around free in the dungeon tomorrow!" Itamiou said as he preapred to shut >the dungeon door. Reno: Forever. >"And don't forget: You first rounds as our slave begin tomorrow morning at >five o'clock! You better know how to make a decent breakfast, or >else...*kkkhhh!*" Kuro ran his finger across his throat. Snake: Well...at least that guy read his Machaivelli. If they won't submit....kill'em. >The door shut with a loud BANG!, leaving Utena chained up and alone, >weeping for her lost purity and freedom. >-+*+- >While on their way back upstairs, Itamiou went through Utena's deck. He >stopped when he found her Dark Magician. >"Kuro-san, I do believe that you've been looking for a Dark Magician for >your deck..." >Kuro looked at the pink, girlish Dark Magician. He _hated_ pink. >"No way, man! Pink's for girls and fags! I'm a _serious_ Duelist! And a >straight one, too! ...Well, beggars can't be choosers, I guess..." Kuro >took the card with as much dignity as he could muster, and put it in his >deck. "I'll find a _real_ Dark Magician someday, just you wait...!" >Itamiou put the rest of deck along with Utena's confiscated belongings. >-+*+- >Back in his quarters, Itamiou quickly formulated his plan. He would >hold a Duel Monsters tournament here on Momobara Island, in which the >winner would recieve a "special prize": The Mythic Dragon and Utena. Irvine: The question is, which one gets fucked? >The losers, when defeated, would lose their strongest cards, their souls, >and their Millenium Items if they had one. He would invite all the >powerful male Duelists from around the world, since he also had something >_else_ "special" for the female Duelists... Reno: (Itamiou) [pantomimes unzipping his pants] >-+*+- >END OF PROLOGUE All: (groan in pain) YOU MEAN THERE MORE OF THIS GARBAGE?!?!?!?!?!?!?! >How'd you like it? Send all C&C, reviews, flames, and stuff like that to >my address below. >Yami Goku: dark_magician720@att.net All: (send death threats) >The End All: YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! As the lemon clicks off, the screen clicks back on, but it is in shadow, and even though RM's silouhette is visible, it's impossible to see the rest of him. RM: Well, since you lab rats MSTed the lemon as ordered, the Pornodeck will be back to normal within 24 hours, but don't relax too soon, because I'll be back, and this time, I'm not sending a clone to beat the shit out of you stupid fucks. This time, I'll do the job myself....have a fucked up day, lab rats..... (screen clicks off) As the screen clicks off, the MSTers stare at it, deadpan, for a few, angst ridden seconds, then they start their old as time pissing and moaning. Irvine: A busty bitch.... Ferio: A dicky doc.... Snake: An evil bastard..... Reno: And more, stupid, pissass lemons..... All: FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!! *************************************************************************** Teasers *************************************************************************** RM meets his mirror self...... The longest, crappiest DS9 lemon of them all is to be MSTed...... The Author makes an appearance....... *************************************************************************** Thanks To List *************************************************************************** Mom- For inspiration Lady of Genesis- For her ideas and contributions ^_~ (Thanks!!!!) Shadow- For liberal use of his stuff, and the inspiration to make my own dicky doc and busty bitch. Me- For writing this. And to all who like my writing....my personal thanks to you. *************************************************************************** So stay tuned, for the thrilling Season Four finale to....... MYSTERY LEMON THEATER 3000 1/2!!!!!! **************************************************************************** Thanks To List **************************************************************************** Mom- For inspiration Shadow- Whose own creation was the inspiration for some of my own unique characters. Thanks ^____^ LoG- Whose support and ideas are deeply appreciated. Me- For writing this. My detractors- Whose criticism and flaming is good for a laugh, though sometimes I have found it deeply helpful in improving MLT. And to all who like my writing....my personal thanks to you. **************************************************************************** So tune in next time for more..... MYSTERY LEMON THEATER 3000 1/2!!!!!!!!