Mystery Lemon Theater 3000 1/2 "Interlude" By Rpgingmaster, and the Lady of Genesis ( Go, LoG!!!!!!!) Rated NC-17 (for language, sexual situations) **************************************************************************** This has a NC-17 rating, which means if you are under 18, you're a prude, or just don't like foul words, sexual content, and general perversity, leave now, because I take no responsibilty for your actions if you ignore this disclaimer. Due to having the constitutional rights of freedom to speech, expression and privacy, any action you take against will be regarded as an attack on my rights, and I will seek legal recourse to prohibit such action. And besides, if you are morally offended by my work, than you shouldn't be foolish enough to read it. Sincerely Rpgingmaster ########################################################################### There was an evil prick called RM, An evil fuck was he, He wrote crappy lemons, The worst in history.... He captured some sorry bastards, To serve as a MST crew, With a dicky doc and a busty bitch, He forced them to eat lemon stew! They tried to whack his ass, A good effort, no one could deny, But sadly for them, The little fuck just wouldn't die! (Let us leave, you asshole!!!!!) Roll Call! Steiner! (Bastard...) Umi! (You prick!!!) Rose! (Why me...) Irvine! (Lemony!!!!) Ferio! (Damn!!!) Ukyo! (Whatever...) Anita! (Shit!!!!) (RM) They'll read shitty lemons, And they'll slowly go insane, Cause those lab rats know, It's the scariest part of my membrane!!!! (insert evil, insane laughter) *************************************************************************** On the last episode of MLT, some really kinky shit happened. First, the crew got a hell of lot more than just an eyeful of Anita's naked body. Then, the psycho green haired bitch, Ms. Bra Estes, unleashed the sick yaoi tentacle monster Fuy Gacker. It got even wierder when the MSTers FUBARed the bastard until he exploded in a blaze of light. Soon after, the crew MSTed a crappy Tenchi "Lust Virus" lemon. After that, they had a good laugh as Valemont had his ass kicked by Jackie Chan, then was booted off the S.O.L. To make things even more interesting, RM gets a shitload worth of cash, and before he heads off to Deep Space 9 to spend it all, he tells the crew that they will be getting a new crew member soon. And even more shitty lemons too. Well, without further ado, let's see what the crappy as all hell state of the MSTers lives is, shall we? **************************************************************************** The scene is pretty normal. Irvine is eating out Anita, who is giving head to Steiner, while Umi and Rose are 69ing, and Ferio is all over Ukyo..... ... ... ... Let me guess. You're probably wondering: WHAT THE HELL IS HE SMOKING?!?! Sorry, I just got carried away. My bad. Anyway, enough bullshit, on with the real story....... **************************************************************************** Time: A week after the last crappy lemon. Place: The S.O.L. Ecchiprise The scene is yet another long, boring day on the S.O.L. Irvine and Anita are recreating the Beast Rune battle from Suidoken 2 on the holodeck. Steiner and Ferio are getting some "relief" from the Pornodeck. Ukyo is in the Entertainment Center, watching "Law and Order: SVU", and Umi and Rose are in Umi's room, bare assed naked, doing very ecchi things. Well, that changes real quick, because just as they all start to think they won't have to MST a lemon for a while, Murphy's Law bites them on the ass, and the lemon klaxon goes off at full blast, jarring our now pissy crew out of their various recreations. As the annoying sound of a fire truck gone psycho blares in their ears, they bitch for a few angst ridden moments about the asshole named RM. However, good sense kicks in, and they grudgingly drag themselves into the the Lemon Screening room. Ukyo, Irvine, and Anita arrive quickly, but it takes a few more seconds for Steiner, Ferio, Umi, and Rose to suppress their raging hormones before they arrive as well, all four griping about missed orgasms and interrupted climaxes. The talk stops though, when the lemon screen comes on, but not before displaying the familar delta shield logo of the Federation (From Star Trek, okay?). As the screen pops on, they see RM's evil bishounen sneer, but the sight behind him temporarily derails their train of thought. A full blown lemon scene is happening before their eyes, this one featuring the DS9 cast. Sisko and Odo are double teaming Kira, while Bashir and Dax are all over each other, and Garak is unconscious, buried in a pile of soaked male and female lingerie. In the background, various other people can be heard. As the crew sees this, they are understandably curious, if not freaked out. After an earthshattering silence, they start to speak. Ferio: (tenatively) Uhh....what the hell is going on? RM: (grinning) I just unleashed the Lust Virus!!!!!!! Steiner: (trying not to look) Does your perversity know no bounds? RM: Nope. Umi: (annoyed) Who gives a shit! Why the hell did you call us, you bastard? RM: Well....would you idiots believe I'm sending a crew member? Ukyo: (curious) Who? RM: His name's Reno. He's from FF7, he likes to drink, he's very bishounen, and he was hired by me to go insane reading shitty ass lemons. Anita: So when the hell do we meet him? RM: (smirking) Right now. Suddenly, that cheap assed Star Trek transporter engages, and and Reno appears. He adjusts his rumpled Secret Service-esque outfit, runs a hand through his scarlet red ponytail, then he notices the crew and RM. Reno: So....what do I have to do again, you slimy piece of shit? RM: (drily) Charming. Anyway, I guess I'll remind your drunk ass that you have lemons to MST. (to the crew) I'll be here for a while, since I just bought every fucking broad in Quark's. (pauses, grins, then continues) Also, Ms.B has almost recovered, and her and the Doctor will be back soon, so enjoy your "freedom" while you can. Have a shitty day!!!!!! (screen clicks off) As the screen clicks off, the crew introduces themselves to Reno, and he returns the favor, and then he looks at Ukyo for a while. Reno: Screw that little bishounen jackass...where's the fucking beer? Ukyo: (points) In the kitchen. Reno: Thanks. You're pretty damn hot, you know that? Ukyo: (blushing) Thanks...... Reno: Don't mention it. (starts to leave) Just as Reno is about to get sloshed, the screen clicks on again, this time with the more welcome image of the Lady of Genesis, and her cohorts, Yuber and Pesmerga. At this moment, they are playing Scrabble, and Yuber is trying to think of an eight letter word for a fucking moron. Pessy is understandably upset when Yuber puts his name down as an answer. However, just as Pessy is about to carve Yuber's spleen out, LoG notices the screen is on, and Yuber and Pessy hide their respective weapons. MSTers: Hi LoG!!!!! LoG: Hi guys!!!!! Irvine: So LoGster, what's our next batch of crap? LoG: It's a Ranma 1/2 lemon, written by Shadow...... Rose: Again?!?!?!?!?! Hasn't that sick asshole died already?!?!?!?! LoG: (sadly) Sorry guys.....I do have some good news. Ferio: What's that? LoG: It isn't as bad as that Pokemon crap..... MSTers: (sigh in relief) LoG: Besides....this anime is chock full of bishounen guys!!!!! ARUU: (start drooling) LoG: By the way, did you get a new guy? Reno: (steps into the picture) That would be me. LoG: (looks him over) Well, I was sorta hoping for Luc, (looks dreamy) but you're sorta cute....did you used to be a bad guy? Reno: Does working for a corporation bent on world conquest count? LoG: COOL!!!!! ^_______^ Yuber/Pessy: (look jealous) LoG: (ignores them) Well, you should be getting the lemon soon. See ya!!!!! (screen clicks off) Reno: Who was that? Steiner, being a nice guy, kindly informs him. Reno absorbs this info, then goes to get some alcohol. He returns really quick, and he passes beer to everyone. They accept, but Ferio is curious. Ferio: Thanks...but why get beer? Reno: If this shit is half as bad as that little bastard told me, there is no fucking WAY I'm reading it while I'm sober. Irvine: Good point. Ukyo: Okay, who's doing the lemon? ISFR: (raise hands) Ukyo: Thanks guys. Me and the girls will be having lunch. (looks at Reno) And maybe I could give you some "table service" later..... Ukyo then grabs his ass, gives it a good squeeze, then leaves. Reno tries to tame his raging hardon, then he, along with the other males, sit down and drink their beer as the lemon screen comes back on. (lemon screen comes on) 6- Fuy Gacker, in full tentacle monster form, is giving a speech on gay rights on C-Span, while simulataneously fucking Senator Lieberman, and that fucking retard, Dan Quayle. 5- RM is strung up by his toenails, and the entire MST crew takes turns hitting him in the head and genitalia. 4- Luc is getting his face ridden by Nanami, and the little bastard writing this is using a hidden camera to make porn tapes. 3- Yuber and Pesmerga are now super deformed, and LoG and RM are passing each other popcorn as the cartoony duo wail on each with their kawaii balloon fists. 2- Tenchi and Ryouga open the door to Ayeka's room, and both die of blood loss while her and Akane are engaging in S & M games. 1- Captain Picard gets a hentai look on his face when he hears Dr. Crusher call (in a husky voice) that he needs a "rectal exam" over the bridge intercom. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Author's Notes: For those who have not watched Ranma 1/2 (you are so deprived), these are the people who are cursed when splashed with cold water: Ranma: Turns into a girl. (rather sexy one too.....damn....oh well, there's always self insert lemons........) Ryouga: Turns into a kawaii black piglet named P-chan. (Mmmm...bacon....) Mousse: Turns into a duck. Shampoo: Turns into a cat. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- >Ranma 1/3 (I thought up this title all by myself! Yay me!) Reno: (sarcastically) We're so happy for you..... >~OR~ >The Case of the Masturbating Panda Steiner: I'm so glad this sicko didn't include a picture...... >It was a beautiful day somewhere in Tokyo, but in the setting for this >story, brewing beneath the surface was something so dark, so sinister, >so evil, grown men did not dare speak its name!!! Pesmerga: (scared) Oh dear God, not the severed dick of Saddam Hussein!!!!! >It was...an underground Xbox factory!!! Ferio: That makes sense...Bill Gates is pretty damned evil..... >Several hundred yards above that factory was a warehouse, and inside >that warehouse was a pink fluffy bunny! Really! Dr. Lustidick was >eating it! How about that? Steiner: (sickened) I knew he was a sorry, unfortunately named little asshole, but I never knew that he...excuse me.... (grabs a barf bag and blows chunks) >Naturally, when Ms. Jugglesworth walked in and saw this, she was very >surprised, to say the least. "Doctor, what the hell are you doing?!" >she shouted. Ferio: (shocked) Well damn, she actually made me agree with her. >Dr. Lustidick looked up from his cute pink bunny and said, "What are >you talking about?" Irvine: (Ms. Jugglesworth) I'm talking about the cum on my Vegeta pictures!!!!!! >Then Ms. Jugglesworth saw it was a chocolate Easter bunny and said >"Never mind..." After that she resolved to beat him over the head >with several large objects. Steiner: (smirking) I didn't know your cleavage could do that.... IRFP: (laughing their asses off) >"So what are we doing here instead of the DBZ universe WHERE WE >BELONG?!?!" >The good doctor just stared at her. The fact that her coat was open >and she wasn't wearing a bra was part of it. Pesmerga: Only part? >"You do know the man you're after is married?" Reno: (Ms. Jugglesworth) So? We Lust Virus the rest of the male cast, lock them in a room with Bulma, have them rape her until she's a corpse, and then he is MINE!!!!!!!!!!! >"When the hell has that ever stopped us?" she pointed out. >The doctor thought for a moment. "Quite. In any case, I've selected >the next target for the virus." Steiner: I am going to kill myself if he picks Cologne. Reno: (aghast) You mean that 300 year old bitch?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! >"Doctor, why are we even here?" Ferio: (Lustidick) Because I'm into panda bestiality!!!!! IRSP: YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!! >"Ms. Jugglesworth, this is the first *normal* anime universe we've >come across. The odds of the people here rising up to stop us are a >million to one." Irvine: That they won't sodomize you with a bokken, bonbori, ribbon, umbrella, claws, spatula, and a big ass stick. Pesmerga: And all at the same time as well. >"Doctor, it's an ANIME universe! When have they ever been normal?!" >The doctor thought again. This was becoming a troublesome activity. Steiner: (thinks, then winces from pain) True....so true.... >"Good point. But THIS one will help us realize our dreams!" Pesmerga: I could be wrong, but how many times have Lustidick and Jugglesworth seen eye to eye? (crickets chirp) Pesmerga: (smirking) That's what I thought. >"It'll help me get Vegeta to tie me up and have his way with me?" >the excited assistant asked. >"Er...possibly," the doctor replied. "But most importantly, it will >allow us to take over the world!!!" The doctor put down his chocolate >bunny and went back to stirring the beaker with the Lust Virus. Ferio: (confused) Okay...after reading that same line two different times already, I'm still confused as to which world he wants to conquer.... >"So who's the target this time?" Ms. Jugglesworth asked, resigning >herself to another evening of self-gratification. Reno: (evily) Sucks to be you, bitch!!!! >The doctor extracted the virus and watched as it float lazily around >the room. "I decided on a young schoolgirl I saw on the way back >from the market." >"You couldn't think of anyone more cliche, could you?" Ferio: DAMMIT!!!! You stole my line!!!!! >"Pardon?" Irvine: (Judge) The appeal verdict is FUCK NO!!!!! >"Nothing..." >Suddenly, the door to the warehouse swung open, and a guy in a yellow >shirt and tiger-striped bandanna burst in shouting "Ranma Saotome, >I've finally found you!!!" Irvine: (confused) When was Ranma ever a short, evil shitbag in a ratty ass labcoat? >The doctor and Ms. Jugglesworth just stared at him. "Who in the hell >are you?" the assistant asked. >"Um..." Ryoga took a quick look around. "This...isn't the Tendo dojo, >is it?" The lab equipment and mad scientist made him doubt it was. >"No, it isn't," Dr. Lustidick told him. "It's ten blocks west of >here." >"Oh...thank you, sir." Ryoga turned around and walked out of the >warehouse, promptly turned east, and started walking. Steiner: I smell Ryouga bashing...... >"That is one strange boy..." Ms. Jugglesworth mumbled to herself. >"I wonder if he's single?" >Dr. Lustidick quickly forgot that temporary distraction and quickly >pointed the Lust Virus to the door. Then he had to scrape it off the >wall after it tried to follow Ryoga and go east...while still inside >the warehouse. After yelling at it and saying very impolite things >about its mother, the doctor threw it out the door and sent it off >on its way. >*** >It was a beautiful day in...hmm...where does Ranma live again? >*checks fan site* Pesmerga: (fan site) Nerima, numbnuts!!!! >Oh, Nerima. Okay, it was a beautiful day in Nerima. Akane was walking >home from school alone, since Ranma had gone ahead to chase after >Happosai (who will not be appearing in this lemon!) Akane didn't >notice the Lust Virus far above the city, watching, waiting, searching >for its target. Then it got bored and attacked Akane. Reno: And it got a big ass mallet for it's trouble. >Akane saw the speeding virus flying at her, but it was in the path >of the sun, and she thought it was P-chan...right up until it >jumped into her mouth and squiggled down her throat. Then she was >pretty sure it wasn't P-chan. Then the virus took over her hormone >centers and went to work producing enough pheromones to drive any >male wild. Now Akane was positive it wasn't P-chan, but then again, >she was too horny to care. Ferio: That her asshole was hemmoraging. >*** >Meanwhile, Ranma had just lost track of Happosai (if you really wanna >know, the fucker got creamed by a truck. Well, not really, but it's >my story, so I get to brutally murder whoever I want). He was just >walking home, minding his own business, when SUDDENLY!!! Steiner: (Shadow) I WAS FORCED TO SPEAK IN CAPITAL LETTERS!!!!!!! >Nothing happened. Mind you, that was incredibly surprising to Ranma. >Minding his own business was usually followed by Shampoo glomping onto >him, Ryoga or Mousse attacking him, or Godzilla asking to borrow a >fiver. Ranma began to think it was his lucky day! And about time, Reno: For a nice, plush, tight ass to fuck. >too! Why shouldn't he deserve a nice, peaceful afternoon in the >sun? Why should he be relentlessly dogged by misfortune? Why >shouldn't he enjoy himself?! Yes, this would be a good day! >Then it started raining. >Ranma probably could've heard the god of irony laughing if she wasn't >so pissed. She dejectedly walked home in the rain, water dripping down >her tits (he's a girl now. Rain is cold. Well, it is!) Irvine: Call me fucking sick, but wish I had that guy's curse!!!!!! >For the sake of speeding up the lemon (along with time itself) Ranma >soon arrived home. Kasumi greeted him at the door with a towel and >a few kind words about always looking for the silver whatsits in the >cloud thingy. >Nabiki, on the other hand, held her trademark apathy. "You should >know by now, Ranma," she said, "in your life, a lot of rain must fall." >Ranma glared at her. "Gee, thanks, Nabiki. I'll keep that in mind." >"Just thought you should know," Nabiki said as she went back to reading >her magazine. >Ranma ignored Nabiki and went to her room, still dripping slightly. >She didn't notice Akane walk in, also dripping wet. Pesmerga: She also didn't notice that Akane was now a man. >Now for a brief interlude showing what happened to Akane! >Briefly after the Lust Virus invaded her body, it lay siege to her >hormone production centers. Naturally the hormones fought back, but >the siege prevented the easy flow of red blood cells and 7-Up to the >hormones, and the siege was quickly over. Irvine: 7-Up I can do without, but I'll do anything for a good fuck!!!! >With Akane under the influence of the Lust Virus, there were some... >problems. For starters, her idea of a romantic event started changing, >as illustrated here: holding hands *ding* kissing *ding* admitting >your love *ding* making love *ding* fucking the bastard's organ off. >There was one more *ding*, but it isn't appropriate for anyone with a >pulse. Anyway, she began walking home, plotting, planning, scheming, >and rubbing herself through her panties. Upon arriving at the Tendo >household, she spied Ranma walking off, towel in hand, and suddenly...! Steiner: (Shadow) Damn....thanks to the strap-on in my ass...I lost my train of thought....... >*** >"Wait a minute!" Dr. Lustidick exclaimed. "What about the Packers game?" >"There is no game today, doctor," Ms. Jugglesworth told him. >"Oh..." The doctor was silent for a moment. >"FUCKING PACKERS!!!" Irvine: (praying) Oh please, no football orgies. >Ms. Jugglesworth just groaned in disgust... Ferio: (impressed) Can't argue with that sentiment..... >Damned if they play, damned if they don't, huh? >*** >Er, sorry about that, I couldn't think of a good segue to get back to >the Tendo house. Wait...I just wrote a decent one...oh, fuck it! Reno: (wisely) You must be one drunk asshole if you discuss fucking and writing in the same sentence........... Irvine: And you're just freaky as shit fetishes if both get you off..... >Akane was inside! Ranma was going to her room! There, we're back on >track, fuckdammit! Now sit down and shut up, we're getting to the >damn sex already! Steiner: (Shadow) Yes, me and my horny personality can't wait another fucking minute for some damn sex!!!!!! >*ahem* >Anyway. The Lust Virus hadn't taken over completely, as it was a lazy >fuck, so Akane wasn't charging after anyone. She did, however, have >the distinct urge to strip down Ranma and lick him all over. Er, her. >Whatever. At this point, Akane wasn't about to discriminate. Reno: (annoyed) I know it's tradition, but why is Akane a lesbian pimpette in every lemon? >Akane slunked through the hallway, then up the stairs, one by one, >step by step, inch by inch, then Ranma walked out of her room and >slammed the door into Akane's face. The last thing she remembered >before blacking out was seeing a beautiful pig-tailed girl shaking >her, then the pig-tailed girl was licking her breasts...then her >stomach...then her... Pesmerga: Colon >Then Akane woke up. And the pig-tailed girl--er, Ranma, was standing >over her, looking very concerned. "Akane, are you alright?" Ranma >asked. "You got hit pretty hard." Reno: (Ranma) With a thick and hard dick, no less! >"I'm...fine," Akane mumbled. Actually, she was more than fine. Now >she had Ranma right where she wanted her...split into three people, >translucent and blurry. Wait a minute, that wasn't right... >"You sure?" Ranma asked again, checking the bump on her head. Ferio: Okay...who the hell's injured here? >Akane's eyes refocused, and now there was only one Ranma...with a >penguin on her head...giving her the finger. >This is getting stupid, so let's hurry it along, shall we? Steiner: Good idea. >Akane suddenly noticed Ranma was all wet. "Ranma, you're all wet," >she said, easily stealing from the narrative. "Let me dry you off." >"Uh, that's okay, AkanEEEEEEEEE!!!" >Right at that moment, Akane bear-hugged Ranma and began rubbing her >whole body up and down Ranma's. Akane quickly stifled Ranma's protests >with a hard kiss on the lips. Several things ran through Ranma's mind, >including "this is wrong!" and "what the heck is the matter with her?!" >and "what is she doing with her tongue?!" Then the Lust Virus took over, >over, and the only thought running through her mind was "fuck the >bitch," "fuck the bitch," and her personal favorite, "fuck the bitch!" Irvine: Did he mention "fuck the bitch till she's weak from multiple orgasms"? >Akane grasped Ranma's rather large breasts and squeezed them vigorously. >Ranma let out an involuntary moan, feeling an unfamiliar pleasure from >her chest. She'd never touched herself as a girl (believe it or not) >and now Akane was bringing out new feelings and um...emotions, and... >all that touchy-feely girly shit, I don't know. Reno: (whips out his Electro Rod, to Shadow) You put anything resembling a shit fetish in a lemon, and I'll fry your ass!!!!!! >Ranma felt herself rubbing against Akane, wanting to kiss her and fondle >her and feel her all over...then common sense prevailed. Actually, >Common Sense burst into the room laughing maniacally, picked up Akane, >chucked her out the window, bopped Ranma on the head with a ballpeen >hammer, and ran right back out again. Irvine: You can definitely tell Shadow wrote this if common sense is fucking moron......... >Now Ranma was very put-out. Not so much as Akane, who was now floating >in the pond out front. Ranma quickly straightened her outfit and >composed herself, then got the hell out of there. She figured a good >long walk would help cool her down and repress the memories. Steiner: Of being raped with a splintered bokken. >"Where are you headed off to?" Nabiki asked as Ranma walked past her. >"N-n-nowhere special," Ranma sputtered. >"Well, Kasumi's making tempura and rice, so I'd advise you come back >in time for dinner, or you'll be making ramen for one again." With that, >Nabiki stood up and went to her room. >Ranma started to go outside and got one foot out the door when suddenly! >Yep, you guessed it, the Lust Virus took hold. Ranma tried to fight >it, using all his martial arts training to bash down the hormonal urges >she was feeling. She ran to the kitchen and dumped cold water on >herself, poured ice cream down her pants, and lots of other stupid >ideas! Finally, after smacking herself repeatedly in the head with the >ice tray, the lemon gods got sick and tired of this shit and smacked me >one, then the virus suddenly took over. Gee, what a coincidence... Pesmerga: (yells) The Lust Virus is Shadow!!!!!! Reno: (crankily) WELL NO FUCKING DUH, YOU MORON!!!!!!! >Now Ranma wanted Akane. Her hormones drove her to madness, then drove >her back after picking up a souvenir hat and a churro. Ranma began >formulating a plan...a plan for sex! First, she needed girls...slutty >girls. Then she needed Viagra...no, wait, Ranma's a girl, so she >doesn't need Viagra (I'm not writing a hermaphrodite scene...just yet.) >Then it hit her! A baseball! Damn neighborhood kids. Then an idea >came to her. Who was home right now? Nabiki! That was it! Ranma >quickly ran up the stairs and burst into Nabiki's room, finding the >middle Tendo sister sitting at her desk, balancing her accounts. She >was wearing her shoulderless shirt (who cares what it's called, it's >cute), and the sight of her bare shoulders was making Ranma even hotter >(she's easy, huh?) Irvine: So easy in fact, you can smell the dried male juice five rooms away! >"Nabiki!" Ranma shouted. >"What is it, Ranma?" Nabiki muttered, not looking up from her work. >Ranma immediately threw her arms around Nabiki and kissed her neck. >"I need you!" she whispered into Nabiki's ear. >Nabiki gasped, startled at Ranma's actions, then grinned. She stood >up, took Ranma by the hand and led her to the bed. "Sit down, Ranma." >Ranma complied, and sat down cross-legged on the bed. Nabiki quickly >closed and locked her door, then went to her desk and pulled out a >small pamphlet from a lower drawer and handed it to Ranma. "Now, I >always thought this day would come, so I prepared a little something >for you, just in case." Ferio: (Ranma) NOOOO NABIKI!!!!! NOT THE Q-TIP!!!!!! >"What's this?" Ranma asked, reading it over. >"A list of services," Nabiki told her. >"Oral sex, 3000 yen," Ranma read aloud, "Nipple teasing, 1000 yen, >french kissing, 500 yen, rokujuukyu (69 in Japanese [so sue me, I'm >trying to learn my numbers]), 7500 yen, strap-on, 10,000 yen, anal >play, 15--" >"Or," Nabiki interrupted, "you could pick the special Anything-Goes >Martial Arts Sex package." >"Um...what's that?" Ranma asked, feeling her arousal not quite what it >was. By now the Lust Virus was confused with all the numbers, so >it was having trouble performing. Reno: With all that weird shit to think about, I would too. >Nabiki got an evil look in her eye. "I'll do whatever you want and >give you one orgasm for 10,000 yen, plus 5000 yen for each additional >orgasm." >Ranma thought about it for a minute, then the Lust Virus decided a flat >rate was better than adding up the various charges. Ranma tried not >to think about it, since it was a damn weird thing to be considering. Steiner: Considering this *cough* fic's *cough* nature...not really. >"I'll take the special," Ranma mumbled under her breath, suddenly >feeling very self-conscious (the Lust Virus was still trying to add >together the french-kissing and anal play packages). >"Oh, feeling a little shy now?" Nabiki teased. "I'll fix that." She >slowly pulled up her shirt, showing off her navel. Ranma watched, >mesmerized, as Nabiki started doing a little dance, then moved over to >her stereo and put on a good Jpop song. As Nabiki's breasts finally >came into view, Ranma had to use all her strength to restrain herself >from jumping the Tendo sister. Finally Nabiki pulled the shirt off over >her head and tossed it to the floor, leaving only her bra. Turning >her back to Ranma, she unbuckled the strap and pulled it off, holding >the bra over her head tantalizingly before dropping it to the floor. >Nabiki put her hands on her hips and shook her ass to the beat of the >song, wiggling her butt in Ranma's face. At last she began pulling >off her very form-fitting pants, revealing a black thong underneath. >She kicked off her pants and stood before Ranma, wearing nothing but >a thong and a smile (and those dollar signs in her eyes). Pesmerga: (pissed pimp) I don't like my bitches to get greedy!!!!! >Okay! I'm finally past all that weird shit and I'm ready for the >bad sex! Hurray for traditional lesbianism! Steiner: At this point, I can literally hear God summoning a lightning bolt....... >Um...where was I? Oh yeah, Nabiki was standing in front of Ranma >in a black thong, her hands on her hips. She had a sly grin on her >face, then noticed Ranma had frozen up. Reno: Well, using an Ice spell on yourself will do that.... >"Ranma?" Nabiki stepped in front of her. "Ranma, are you okay?" >In case you were wondering, Ranma was still sitting cross-legged on >the bed, perfectly still. Except she was buzzing. Really. >"Ranma?" Nabiki said again. She put her hand on her shoulder and >oddly enough, Ranma was vibrating. Seriously. "Oh, my," Nabiki >muttered. "Ranma, are you sure you want to do this?" Irvine: (Ranma, zombie) Yesss Nabbbiikkkiii....skkkuull ffuuuccckkk meeee........ >Ranma answered her by leaping from the bed and tackling the almost- >naked Nabiki. Eager little bitch, ain't she? They both landed on >the carpet with a *thud*, with Nabiki breaking Ranma's fall somewhat. >The fall didn't deter Ranma from attaching herself to Nabiki's exposed >breast and sucking like an adjective! Nabiki gasped out loud at the >sudden sensation, then quickly pulled Ranma off her tit. "I guess >that answers my question," Nabiki muttered. Pesmerga: Sorry Nabiki, you still don't know the meaning of life..... >Nabiki tried her damnedest to keep Ranma off her, which was a feat >in itself since Ranma was stronger than her. She eventually managed >to get Ranma back onto the bed with a few soothing words and a shiny >object. With a good deal of effort, Nabiki got Ranma to lie down on >her back and hold still, except for the vibrating. Nabiki straddled >Ranma and pulled off her shirt, unveiling Ranma's exceptionally large >breasts (not a bad curse, huh?) Nabiki dipped her head down and >licked Ranma's right nipple, smiling at the moans Ranma was emitting. >If she was going to be that easy, there was serious cash to be made! >Nabiki licked all over Ranma's breast, getting the nipple good and >hard before switching to the other side. Ranma started bucking her >hips and Nabiki felt a wet spot hit her on each pelvic thrust. >'So much for foreplay,' Nabiki thought to herself. Ferio: (drily) And I thought optimism was dead........ >Nabiki pulled off Ranma's pants, revealing a great big dick! Heh, >just kidding! OR AM I?!?! .....................Yeah, I'm kidding. Steiner: (puts down the barf bag) Whew........ >Anyway, Ranma was naked now, and Nabiki was still in that thong, >which was riding up on her something fierce. She tore it off, making >a mental note to charge Ranma for it later. Now that everyone's good >and naked, let's get to the sex! Ranma finally took the initiative >and sat up and kissed Nabiki, then dragged her down to the bed. The >two kissed each other deeply, rubbing their tits together as their >nipples stiffened from excitement. Nabiki slid up and placed her >chest in Ranma's face, letting out a gasp of surprise as Ranma took >one of Nabiki's nipples in her mouth and almost sucked it down her >throat. Ranma opened her mouth wide and took in as much of Nabiki's >breast as she could, sliding her tongue all over the delicious tit. >Nabiki let out a loud moan at the feeling of that tongue on her tit, >realizing she was getting wet from this. She let Ranma suck on her >for a minute, then wrestled her breast away and stuck the other one >in Ranma's face, who happily started sucking on it. Reno: If this was written with just a tad more taste, I could possibly enjoy it........after 50 beers......... >(by the way, in case you're wondering, the Lust Virus is still trying >to figure out the total cost of all the sex packages available, so >it's too busy to infect Nabiki. Trust me, there's a reason for this. >Really, there is. I swear. A lot.) Ferio: This isn't fuzzy logic...... Pesmerga: Shadow is just a lazy fuck who can't be bothered to fill his own writing plotholes...... >Anyway, Nabiki pulled her tit away before Ranma suffocated, letting her >suck on the other one. She alternated between tits for a few minutes, >letting Ranma bring her to a few mini-orgasms. Finally she slid down >the bed, letting her hands slide over Ranma's body till they reached >her pussy. She got a devilish grin on her face, remembering that >Ranma had never been eaten out in her life, and decided to go for >broke. She attacked Ranma's pussy with her tongue, licking all over >and inside, and was quickly rewarded with a flood of pussy juice. >Ranma bucked her hips as the pleasure filled her and her inexperienced >pussy convulsed in orgasm. Ranma let out a scream of pleasure as >Nabiki kept licking, driving her to orgasm yet again. Irvine: (to Reno) I don't know....(looks down)...little Irvine seems to be enjoying it........ Steiner: (bluntly) That's because you're testosterone on legs, Sniper Slut! >Finally Nabiki stopped licking, both to rest and to figure out how much >to charge. As Ranma came down from bliss, she heard Nabiki typing up >numbers on her calculator. At this point Ranma remembered she didn't >have any money and jumped out the window! >"Cheapskate!" Nabiki shouted, throwing her shoe at Ranma's fleeing form. Pesmerga: If I was her, I would've just shot him. >Nabiki turned away from the window and sat down at her desk, still >naked and slightly pissed at being stiffed...and sorta upset that she >wasn't stiffed (bad, bad joke, I apologize). What she didn't see was >her shoe hitting Ranma and knocking her out. Ranma fell to the ground, >totally naked, and slept the sleep of a thousand snores. I swear I'm >gonna explain all this eventually. Reno: When your lifelong hangover wears off...... >*** >Meanwhile! I love that word. I think I'll say it again. MEANWHILE!!! >Getting on with it, while Ranma was sleeping off her sex package, and >Akane was wandering around town, kissing random people. Unfortunately, >one of those people happened to be Tatewaki Kuno, so there was some >screaming about marriage and whatnot. Naturally Irvine: She fucked him until his dick fell off!!!!!! >Akane had to put a stop to this, and did so in the most >violent way possible. I'm not gonna get into the bloody >details, because they're...well, bloody. Steiner: Let me get this straight. You've written some of the sickening sexually related things on earth, yet your too damn squeamish to write blood and gore?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Pesmerga: (pissed) Then what the hell is the NC-17 rating for?!?!?! >Anyway! Akane was headed in no particular direction, but by some >miracle, she ended up at the Cat Cafe, which just happened to be where >Shampoo was working right now. Naturally Akane walked in, devoid of >clothes and looking for a good time. Irvine: Let me guess....that time being a day in a Times Square hooker's life. >Inside the Cat Cafe, Shampoo was cleaning up since it was a slow day. >Mousse had gone...somewhere, Cologne was out getting cooking stuff, so >she was stuck sweeping up. Through no big coincidence, Akane picked >that moment to walk in, naked as could be. How surprised do you think >Shampoo was to see her rival walk in, completely naked? Hmm...yeah, >she was more or less that surprised. >"Akane!" Shampoo exclaimed, "you lose bet?" >Akane had to think a bit about that. "Uh...yeah! I *did* lose a bet! >And...uh...I have to rub up against you! Yeah, that's the ticket!" Ferio: To the Monica Lewinsky Fuckfest! >Shampoo didn't quite know what Akane was talking about, but once Akane >crossed the short distance between them and started rubbing up against >her, she got the idea. She screamed "Holy shit!" in Chinese (like I >know how to curse in Chinese) and tried to get away, but Akane had her >in a deathgrip. Well, more like a half-nelson, but you get the idea. >And boy, did Shampoo ever get scared when Akane started to undress her! Ferio: (annoyed) Why would a Chinese Amazon be terrified of another woman? Reno: And why haven't the "Out of Character" police left this little bastard in a pool of his own blood yet? >Just to speed things up a bit, Akane managed to get all of Shampoo's >clothes off, though the amazon fought her every inch of the way. Right >up till Akane kissed her (with tongue) and the Lust Virus found a new >home! Since everything was in Chinese, it took a little while for it >to take effect, but through a process of trial and error (and kicking >everything) Shampoo began feeling the effects of the virus. The >effects, in this case, were Shampoo planting a big wet one right on >Akane's lips! Then Shampoo tossed Akane on a nearby table and leapt >on top of her! Naturally the table broke, so they had sex on the floor. >And here's how they did it! Ferio: (Shadow) With a roll of bread, a butterknife, jumper cables, and a car battery!!!!!! ISRP: 0.0!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >Shampoo kissed Akane's face all over, nibbling on her ears and neck. >Akane responded in kind, kissing Shampoo long and hard. They kissed >for many minutes, stopped, rented an oxygen tank, and started up again. >Finally Shampoo got up on her hands and knees, pressing down on Akane's >shoulders, pinning her to the floor. >"You wait here," the amazon said, "Shampoo get toy!" She gave Akane >a quick kiss, then got up and ran to the back room. Steiner: To sharpen the axe. >Akane, not knowing what else to do, simply lay there, idly picking >splinters out of her ass. The ones in her crack were a bitch to get, >too. Soon Shampoo returned, carrying a big, fat double dildo! >Yeah, baby! >"Oh, wow!" Akane exclaimed. "It's so...so...so..." (ran out of >adjectives here). Irvine: (pissed) Then fucking buy a fucking dictionary, you fucked up, fucked, fucker!!!!!! Ferio: (quips) No need to guess what's on your mind....... >Shampoo was suddenly overtaken with lust (the virus got back from its >first language class at the lungs). She fell on Akane and put one end >of the dildo in her mouth and sucked on it, licking the head. Akane >did the same, getting her end of the dildo good and wet. After dozens >of seconds, Shampoo pulled the dildo away and pushed it into Akane's >pussy, making the girl moan. Shampoo grunted as she shoved the other >head of the dildo into her own cunt, pushing it in deep. She gripped >it with her vaginal muscles, then moved back and forth, fucking Akane >with the other end. Both girls moaned aloud, the dildo moving in and >out of the both of them. Shampoo lay down on Akane's body, pressing >her tits against Akane's, rubbing them back and forth as the double >dildo fucked them both. They continued for what seemed like forever, >(but what was actually a half-hour or so) until finally, Akane shuddered >and let out a loud cry as she climaxed. Shampoo fucked back against >the dildo even harder, quickly bringing herself to a raging orgasm >herself, amplified by Akane's porn movie-esque screams. Finally Reno: Every drunk reading this started pounding the nearest ass. Pesmerga: And they were so drunk that gender didn't matter. >Shampoo collapsed on Akane, who was now breathing softly. After closer >inspection, she discovered that Akane was asleep! What a lightweight! >After a little while, Shampoo got up and pulled the dildo out of her, >then started looking around for other sources of hardcore sex. All of >a sudden, who should walk in the door, but Mousse! Dear, sweet, >moderately-hung Mousse. Irvine: (shuddering) YOU SICK BASTARD, I REALLY DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!!!!! >Sadly, he wasn't wearing his glasses, or he would've seen the currently- >naked Shampoo, along with the naked Akane, who was laying unconscious on >the floor with a dildo sticking out of her. Sucks for him, huh? Steiner: Sucks for us, since we have to critique this shit. >Anyway, the virus was pushing for fucking Mousse, but Shampoo wanted >out of there, so they compromised. Shampoo smashed Mousse over the >head and splashed a nearby pot of water on him (cold, of course) then >put on a conveniently-placed trenchcoat, grabbed a butcher knife and >started chasing him. And boy, did that freak Mousse out! Well, not >that much, since besides the knife, it was pretty much normal for him. >Sad, huh? >Moving right along, Shampoo ended up chasing Mousse right past Ukyo's >okanomiaki restaurant. Ukyo was sweeping up outside, and seeing a >somewhat naked Shampoo chasing Mousse was...well, it was pretty damn odd. >Shampoo thought it was odd as well, since Ukyo never swept up outside... >So, she stopped to ask Ukyo about it. Can you guess where I'm going >with this? Ferio: To hell? >Irregardless, Shampoo was now standing in front of Ukyo's shop, naked >underneath the trenchcoat. Then the trenchcoat was removed, and damn, >was she ever naked! Ukyo dropped the broom in shock, both from being >flashed and from the realization that she was holding a broom instead of >her spatula. Shampoo dashed forward and tackled Ukyo, sending the both >of them tumbling into the bar. Before Ukyo could recover, Shampoo got >up and locked the doors, naturally putting the "Closed" sign in the >window, then jumped on Ukyo again (she's fast, ain't she?) Reno: Than a bitch on meth. >Well, keeping up with that speed, Shampoo managed to rip off Ukyo's >clothes faster than you can say "sex kitten!" Go on, say it. Hah! >Too late, her clothes are off! Ha-hah! Well, anyway, Ukyo was reaching >for her spatula when Shampoo felt up her cunt, then the okanomiaki girl >blushed a deep maroon. I have no idea if that's physically possible, >but then again, when has that ever stopped me? >Anyway! Shampoo was fingering Ukyo, and Ukyo was still reaching for >her spatula which was just out of her reach (ain't that the way?) >Shampoo began fondling her breasts, and Ukyo let out a gasp of pleasure. >That gasp transformed into a moan, and then into a scream of rapture! >I learned a new word! Good for me! Pesmerga: Learn "you sick asshole!!!!". Then, I'll be really proud. >About now, Ukyo finally grabbed her spatula and was about to whack >Shampoo over the head with it, when suddenly, Shampoo kissed her! Damn, >so close, huh? Shampoo soon broke the kiss, and Ukyo whacked her over >the head with the spatula. Hey, what can I say, it takes longer than >that to take effect. Well, now Shampoo's out cold, and Ukyo's about two >seconds away from being horny enough to fuck a goat. Or maybe...wait! >Ukyo looked at Shampoo, then looked at herself, and whacked herself over >the head with the spatula! Bet you didn't see that coming, huh? Huh!? >Well, anyway, Ukyo crawled out from under Shampoo and grabbed a bottle >of soy sauce from the counter. She poured a generous amount on the >handle of the spatula, that flat part you flip stuff with, and Shampoo's >crotch. Don't worry, I'm going somewhere with this. Ukyo lowered her >head in between Shampoo's legs and started licking her prone pussy. >Shampoo moaned slightly in her sleep as Ukyo pretty much tongue-raped >her viciously. The soy sauce gave Shampoo's pussy a nice zing, and her >juices turned it into a sweet and sour type of deal. Ukyo thought of Ferio: The Iran-Contra scandal. >going for the wasabi, but that would've been overkill. She kept licking, >adding more soy sauce when the flavor started to go flat. During all >this, Shampoo was writhing in pleasure, but still very much unconscious. >Finally Shampoo's body shook and she climaxed, just as Ukyo ran out of >soy sauce! How's that for convenience? >Well, now Ukyo's both horny and hungry, so she grabbed her spatula and >headed off into the streets for a quick fuck. Speaking of which, let's >see what happened to Ranma, seeing as she's the star of the show and all. Reno: Too bad she can't sue your ass for defamation. >*** >Ranma is, as we all know, naked and horny and out in Nerima. Well, not >so naked, as she managed to find an old coat in the trash. Unfortunately >the Lust Virus was having trouble inside her, since Ranma kept getting >splashed with warm and cold water and changing back from a boy to a girl >and vice-versa, and now the poor thing was very confused. Fortunately >it finally figured out a way to keep everything in balance, and Ranma >lost the urge to hump the trash can. >Unfortunately (Ranma's got bad luck!) Tatewaki Kuno just happened to >show up, entirely by circumstance, a coincidence, really. Anyway, Kuno >saw Ranma, then ran up and prepared to sweep her off her feet. Steiner: And into the trash can! >"Pig-tailed girl!" the psycho (Kuno, whatever...) shouted. He dashed >up to her and whipped out a book of poetry, then recited an obscure line >from Hamlet (like I remember that shit). >"Kuno..." Ranma said slowly, "I can't resist! I must give myself to you >now! Right now, right here!" >Kuno was, of course, very surprised. But also very glad. "Oh, Pig-tailed >girl! You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that!" >"Well, come and get it, Kuno baby!" And with that, Ranma opened her coat >and revealed...A GREAT BIG DICK!!! AND NO, I'M *NOT* KIDDING!!! >BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >*ahem* >Now, when Kuno saw this on the female form, he was...well, picture >a screaming Kuno ala Homer Simpson to this: >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA >AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA >AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA >AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH >HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH >HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH >HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Irvine: (does what Kuno did) >Yep. Lots of screaming there. That one exclamation point was supposed >to signify that he fell unconscious, but that sure as shit didn't work >out. Anyway, Ranma was wondering why Kuno *didn't* want to fuck her >after lusting after her for so long, then she noticed the GBD (Great >Big Dick). She gasped out loud, then dashed home like a madman with >an erection. Or...madwoman, whatever. >*** >Where was Ranma going? Well, first let's move back to the Tendo dojo, >where...oh my, Ukyo's there! And so's Nabiki! And...Nabiki's reciting >her list of services to Ukyo! Oh my! Can you tell I'm making this up >on the spot? Who cares! Pesmerga: I have to agree. >"Now, since you're not family, I'm gonna have to charge you extra," >Nabiki stated, "but with the profits your okanomiaki shop has made, >I'm sure it'll be within your price range." >Naturally Ukyo just wanted to fuck. "Yeah, yeah, just get in there and >get your clothes off!" Who says romance is dead? Reno: The gun at your temple, dumbass!!!! >Right at that exact moment, (is anyone timing this?) Ranma ran up to >the dojo, still clad in that ratty old coat, and screamed, "HEY!!!" >"Ranma, honey!" Ukyo exclaimed, using the cheesy dub pet name. She ran >up to glomp him, but Ranma ducked away from her. "What's wrong, Ranma?" >(no more cheesy dub pet name, by the way). >Ranma chuckled, her new length throbbing for clit. Her womanhood was >throbbing as well, by the way. There was lots of throbbing. "Nothing's >wrong, in fact, everything's all right again!" She whipped open the coat, >giving full view of the GBD to all present! Steiner: Causing mass blindness....mostly due to it poking out eyes..... >"Holy hell!!" Ukyo screamed. Ferio: It's cliche, I know, but isn't that a contradiction in terms? >"Oh my..." Nabiki said quietly. Pesmerga: (confused) I thought that was Kasumi's catchphrase? >"Who gots da dick? I gots da dick! Yeah, baby!" That was Ranma, >and I'm not even going to tell you what she's doing right now, it's too >annoying. Reno: (laughing) I should give this idiot a cigarette and a blindfold.... >Nabiki listened to Ranma's singing for about five seconds, then walked >up to her and kicked her in the balls (she's got those now, y'know). Ferio: (thoughtfully, professorish) Now class, do you see the downside of being a hermaphodite? Steiner: (dumbass pimply teen) No teacher. Ferio: (pantomimes kicking him the nuts) >Anyway! After Ranma got over the intense and agonizing pain, she and >Ukyo began bargaining. Bargaining...for sex!!! Um........right. >So Nabiki was reading from her list of services... "Now, since Ukyo's >not family, I'm going to have to charge her extra, and given Ranma's >current 'situation,' that'll have to be added on as well. So your >total comes to..." Irvine: (Nabiki) Your fist in my sopping cunt!!!!! >"Yeah, yeah," Ranma interrupted, "Just tell us the total later!" She's >an eager little thing, ain't she? >Nabiki grinned at that. This was like giving a blank check to...well, >to Nabiki. As the dollar (yen) signs rolled around in Nabiki's head, >they went inside and up to her room, sans clothing on Ranma and Ukyo's >part. And hoo-baby, they sure surprised Kasumi! Pesmerga: Prompting a hell of a lot more than a "Oh my!". >Okay, bedroom. As soon as Nabiki closed the door, both Ukyo and Ranma >tackled her and they all landed on the bed. Ukyo was already naked, >and Ranma had tossed away her coat, so that just left Nabiki. She was >about to do another strip show when Ranma and Ukyo descended on her >like horny locusts. They quickly stripped her with no regard for >foreplay (like that matters anymore). They laid Nabiki down on her back >and Ukyo quickly climbed up and lowered her pussy on Nabiki's face. >Meanwhile, Ranma spread Nabiki's legs and licked her briefly, then >thrust the GBD into her waiting snatch. Nabiki moaned into Ukyo's >pussy and continued licking, feeling Ranma's dick sliding in and out of >her vagina. At this point the Lust Virus got reinforcements from both >Ukyo and Ranma, and between them they were able to total up the amount >for the sex packages. Then the three viruses got into a bitch fight >for supremacy. I'm not going to say who won, so just use your imagination. Ferio: Does coming up with creative ways to condemn this shit count? >At this point the girls were really getting into the swing of things. >Nabiki licked with a new ferocity, making Ukyo groan in pleasure. Ranma >fucked Nabiki like a dickgirl possessed, moaning at the tightness of the >Tendo sister's pussy. This new part of her was much more sensitive >than the one on her male body, and she quickly came, unloading deep in >Nabiki's cunt. Thanks to the Lust Virus, Ranma remained hard again and >ready to go! She started fucking Nabiki a second time, who was now >licking Ukyo to her first orgasm. Ukyo began to grind her crotch >against Nabiki's tongue, gently rubbing her own breasts as the tongue >against her clit sent her over the edge. Irvine: (shuddering) For the record, the word "dickgirl" is scaring the shit outta me........ >By this time Nabiki was the only one who hadn't came yet, and that's a >good thing, because she managed to get Ranma off of her and slip away >from Ukyo. Now for the fun part! Nabiki went to her nightstand and >pulled out...a furby! Then she tossed that thing out the window and >picked up her strap-on. "I've always wanted to try this out," she said >with an evil grin. A three-inch dildo pointed up on the inside, and she >moaned quietly as it went inside her as she slipped it on. The rubber >cock jutting out from the front was a good eight inches long, almost as >big as Ranma's. >At this point, there was a take-no-prisoners attitude in the air. Ranma >jumped on Ukyo's shoulders and stuffed the GBD in her mouth, which >pulled Ukyo down to her hands and knees, which gave Nabiki an opening >to fuck her pussy. You go, girls! Steiner: (to Reno) Please...no bad puns.... Reno: Go, go, Gadget strap on!!!!!! Steiner: (slaps forehead in frustration) >So anyway, Ukyo was being banged from both ends, and was desperately >trying to keep up with either one of them. Ranma was fucking her face >with reckless abandon, while Nabiki was taking her time, sliding the >plastic cock in and out in a nice, even pace. There was a really >weird rhythm going on there, at least till Ranma came for the second >time, giving Ukyo a nice, healthy drink of come. Pesmerga: (advertiser) Now in chocolate, vanilla, and mint!!!!! >Nabiki pulled out of Ukyo's cunt, then rubbed the tip of the strap-on >against her tight asshole. Ukyo moaned a protest through Ranma's cock, >but you think anyone's gonna listen at this point? 'course not. Irvine: If this was just me and all those girls fucking, and they couldn't stop, I could probably start to like that virus......but since you're writing it...... (grabs a barf bag) >Without waiting for approval, Nabiki thrust the first half of the >strap-on into Ukyo's ass, while Ranma pulled her upright and scooted >forward, slipping her still-hard cock into Ukyo's dripping pussy. They >began rubbing their breasts together, their hard nipples causing a >delightful friction on their skin. All of a sudden both Nabiki and >Ranma thrust their respective tools in all the way, causing Ukyo to >gasp out loud. The dildo on the inside of Nabiki's strap-on shook inside >of her every time she fucked Ukyo's taut ass, exciting her to no end. >Meanwhile Ranma was out of her mind with pleasure as Ukyo's pussy >squeezed her cock like Mill squeezes Maze (obscure anime reference, >whoever gets it wins a mystery prize). She began kissing Ukyo, the >feeling of their tongues dancing together only heightening the pleasure. Ferio: Lemon Law 51- If multiple people are having sex, they will enjoy it immensely, even if they all last as long as beer at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. >Finally Ranma felt her third orgasm approaching and fucked Ukyo faster >and faster. Nabiki did the same, and soon all three climaxed >simultaneously (or close enough so you couldn't tell them apart). >They all screamed in unison, Ukyo's holes squeezing the two cocks >stuck deep inside. Once the pleasure subsided, they all collapsed >on the floor, tired, spent, and still hopped up on hormones. That >means humping in their sleep, people! >*** >So anyway, Dr. Lustidick and Ms. Jugglesworth were still in the dark >and scary warehouse. Reno: (Dr.T, scared) Ms. Jugglesworth, I...I'm s-s-scared. P-Please f-fuck me!!!!!!! >Ms. Jugglesworth had her attention elsewhere, however. "Yes, I'm totally >naked," she said into her cell phone. "Uh-huh. Wow. Yeah, I'm rubbing >my breasts. Really? That big, huh? Okay, now I'm--" >"Will you stop that?!" the doc shouted. "I just ate lunch!" Steiner: (Dr.L) Which I'm about to regurgitate...on YOU!!!!! >Ms. Jugglesworth shot him a look. "Fabio, I have to go. Well, I don't >care if you're all big and ready, the ass--er, the doctor is getting >squeamish. Look--no, look, I have to go. No, I have to go. Fuck off. >No. Goodbye." She hung up, and... "Geez, that guy is needy..." Pesmerga: If you have take his boxers off for him, I would assume so. >"From now on, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your phone sex away from >my meals!" the doc screeched. He was about to continue screaming about >the phone sex and the Packers when suddenly, a strange man and a big- >breasted brunette burst into the warehouse! >"Dr. Lustidick!" the man shouted. "I've finally found you!" >"Gasp!" Er...the doctor gasped. Ferio: You just murdered that line with a dull knife...... >"Uh...who's this?" Ms. Jugglesworth asked. >"I am Dr. Lustidick's greatest rival!" the man said, somewhat proudly. Steiner: Dr. Lustipussy!!!!! >"And I am his assistant!" the brunette cackled. >Reno: Ms. Az Whole!!!!! >Finally the doc and Ms. Jugglesworth recognized the two, and...! >"Dr. Longshlong!" >"Miss Titsalot!" >Yes, those are their names. And just when you thought it couldn't get >any stranger... Irvine: Trust me...this is normal...besides, I've seen everything from bondage to bestiality...... >"Freeze, Dr. Lustidick! You're under arrest!" >I think you know who that was. Pesmerga: Detective Elliot Stabler? Steiner: That's Law and Order: SVU. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Author's Note- My new favorite show, I might add!!!!!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- >"Oh, for the love of lust..." Dr. Lustidick muttered. >"Okay..." Ms. Jugglesworth said to Molder, "I gotta ask, why are you in a >Japanese schoolgirl uniform?" >"The sandwich sign chafed," Molder said angrily. "Now put your hands up!" >"Up where?" Dr. Longshlong asked. Irvine: (turning green) Please....don't respond..... >At that moment, Skully realized who the other two were. "Hey, you're--! >Quick, cuff 'em!" >"Huh?" >After much scuffling and slapping of cuffs, Molder and Skully dragged >the other doctor and assistant away. "You two are going away for a long >time!" Skully said triumphantly. >"Noooooo!" Dr. Longshlong screamed in frustration. "You won't escape, >Lustidick! I'll hunt you down, even if it takes me the rest of my life!" Ferio: Or until you escape. >"Riiiight," Miss Titsalot said in annoyance. Just before she was dragged >off, she called to Ms. Jugglesworth, "Hey, let me know when you dump >that guy you're with, my cousin's been looking for a good time." >"Send me a photo of him from prison, okay?" Ms. Jugglesworth said, >hoping for a decent non-clingy guy this time. >"Uh, Skully? What about those two?" Molder asked, pointing at the doc. Reno: (Skully) Fuck'em!!!!!! >"Er..." Skully thought for a moment, then said, "You two stay here, >we'll be right back." Like that's gonna happen... >"Ms. Jugglesworth..." the doc mumbled quietly. >"We're escaping to another anime universe?" Ms. Jugglesworth asked, >hoping it was to the DBZ universe this time. >"No, we're escaping to a store to get me some aspirin." >*** >During all this, back at the Tendo dojo, Ranma and company were just >waking up and realizing they were all very, very horny. Ranma and >Nabiki began to hump Ukyo again, and Ukyo naturally began humping back, >when suddenly! >Nothing happened. Then Ryoga burst in the room, shouting, "Ranma Saotome, >I've finally--OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN!!!!!!!" Pesmerga: (Shadow) I'm such a fucking blasphemer!!!!!! >"Ryoga!" Ranma said happily. Come on, join the party!" She pulled out >of Ukyo and stood up, her GBD bobbing up and down like...well, like a >Great Big Dick. Ranma advanced, coming closer and closer, while a scared >Ryoga just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights...with a >giant dick as a hood ornament. Irvine: As long as no lemon scenes occur, that could be funny....... >But! Just before Ranma could kiss Ryoga, the two IBI agents burst in >the room! "Alright, everybody freeze," Skully exclaimed, "And--hey, >stop that!" she shouted at Ranma, who was currently humping her leg. >"Come on, give them the cure," Molder ordered Dr. Longshlong, who was >still being dragged in cuffs. >"Look," the doc said, "just because Lustidick is my rival and I'll do >anything to stop him, that doesn't mean I always carry a cure to his >Lust Virus in my pocket!" Ferio: (Dr.L) It's in my ass!!!! >"Then what's this?" Skully asked, taking a vial of red liquid from the >doc's coat pocket. >"Jell-o," the doc said calmly. >"There's always room for Jell-o!" Ranma exclaimed, and quickly downed >the contents. All of a sudden, her organ withered up and fell off! >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" As you can see, this was quite a shock! >Well, it was till the Lust Virus got a dose of the cure and left her >system. Then she remembered what she just did to Ukyo and promptly >jumped out the window and ran for his life. Steiner: Which was getting soggy in it's milk. >"Hey!!" Nabiki shouted after him, "You owe me eighty-thousand yen and >three more orgasms, you bastard!" >Well, to make a long recovery short, everyone was administered a cure, >and Ukyo was rather embarrassed, to say the least. Nabiki was less >embarrassed than pissed about her lost payment, but then again, she >had pictures of the whole mess, and Ranma would pay dearly to avoid >having those babies presented to the public at large. >Dr. Longshlong and Miss Titsalot were arrested for illegal biological >experimentation, and were sentenced to life in prison, or until they >escaped, whichever came first. Speaking of criminals with really weird >names, let's check in on the other dynamic duo, shall we? Reno: (to Shadow) You're into torture, aren't you? >*** >So after the inevitable trip to the drugstore, the doc and Ms.Jugglesworth >did indeed escape to another anime series, and here they are! Pesmerga: Oh shit!!! They're already on the S.O.L!!!!! ISPFR: (brandish weapons) >"Perfect!" the doctor exclaimed. "This world is wild and untamed, a >veritable smorgasbord of subjects!" >"But doctor, there's no one around." >"Ms. Jugglesworth..." Steiner: (Lustidick) If you sleep with me, I'll raise your salary by 2 cents. Irvine: (Ms. Juggleworth) I'd rather take my chances with the Lust Virus........ >"Yes, doctor?" >"Wait five seconds." 5...4...3...2...1... Reno: BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!! >And so, a small red-headed girl with tiny breasts walked by, followed by >a moron with a sword of light, a guy who was 1/3 golem, demon, and human, >and a justice-minded girl with big tits. Steiner: (annoyed) Why do all female good guys always seemed to be stacked? Reno: (sarcastic) Because we live in a male dominant society, Sir Dumbass.... Irvine: And what the hell is wrong with that, anyway? >"Never mind, doctor..." >The doctor laughed an evil laugh, which got strange looks from his >assistant and the people who'd just walked past. "Wonderful, wonderful! >This world shall prove powerless against my delightful virus!" Ferio: About as delightful as fisting your asshole with a spiked gauntlet...... >"Uh...there doesn't appear to be any warehouses around here," Ms. >Jugglesworth observed. >"Then we shall build one!" The doctor cackled again, and the small- >breasted redhead began muttering something. Steiner: (redhead, chanting spell) Forgiver Sign!!!!!! (big assed wave of green holiness blows Lustidick to hell) >"But we don't have any materials," Ms. Jugglesworth pointed out. The >redhead was still muttering. Irvine: (redhead) Shit! The little asshole is still breathing!!!!! >"Then we'll hire some lumberjacks to get some for us!" >"Where the hell are we gonna find lumberjacks all the way out here? >Suddenly... "Dragon Slave!!!" Pesmerga: (Lustidick) Make hot and sweaty bestiality love to me!!!!! >*BOOM!!!* Reno: Was the sound of a bullet leaving Ms. Juggleworth's gun, and blowing her worthless dick of a superior's head off! ISPF: (are cheering) >"That's it!" the doctor said as he flew through the air, "We'll go to >the city! There's sure to be a place for rent there!" >"Hey, what's that masturbating panda doing here?" ISPRF: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >"That's a different one." >"Well, that's just great..." Irvine: And so sick that quarantine signs have to be posted 2000 miles away! >To be continued! Reno: (dryly) Whoop de fucking doo...... >The End All: YAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! Pesmerga: Bye! (teleports away) As Pessy leaves, the screen comes back on, revealing RM, Dr.T, and the now "cured" Ms.B. RM: I just wanted to inform you that my subordinates will be resuming their duties, and if you survive my next lemon, I'll use my secret weapon..... (pauses) So have a nice day, and shit yourself in the meantime. Bye, lab rats!!!! (screen clicks off) The guys stare at the screen for a damn long time, then they start their familiar bitchings. Steiner: An unkillable bastard.... Irvine: An evil, unstoppable bitch.... Ferio: A dicky doc.... Reno: And more shitty ass lemons..... (long pause) All: FUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teasers -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The basement doors change......... Reno and Ukyo get lucky...... Dr.T and Ms.B unleash the Lust Virus...... RM uses his secret weapon....... A new Season Finale theme song...... Special guest stars and original characters make cameo's...... -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks To -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mom- For inspiration Lady of Genesis- For her ideas and contributions ^_~ (Thanks!!!!) Shadow- For liberal use of his stuff, and the inspiration to make my own dicky doc and busty bitch. Me- For writing this. And to all who like my writing....my personal thanks to you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- So tune in next time for more..... MYSTERY LEMON THEATER 3000 1/2!!!!!!!!