Mystery Lemon Theater 3000 1/2 "Flashback" By Rpgingmaster, with contributions by the Lady of Genesis ^___^ Rated NC-17 (for language, sexual situations) **************************************************************************** This has a NC-17 rating, which means if you are under 18, you're a prude, or just don't like foul words, sexual content, and general perversity, leave now, because I take no responsibilty for your actions if you ignore this disclaimer. Due to having the constitutional rights of freedom to speech, expression and privacy, any action you take against will be regarded as an attack on my rights, and I will seek legal recourse to prohibit such action. And besides, if you are morally offended by my work, than you shouldn't be foolish enough to read it. Sincerely Rpgingmaster ########################################################################### There was an evil prick called RM, An evil fuck was he, He wrote crappy lemons, The worst in history.... He captured some sorry bastards, To serve as a MST crew, With a dicky doc and a busty bitch, He forced them to eat lemon stew! They tried to whack his ass, A good effort,no one could deny, But sadly for them, The little fuck just wouldn't die! (Let us leave,you asshole!!!!!) Roll Call! Steiner! (Bastard...) Umi! (You prick!!!) Rose! (Why me...) Irvine! (Lemony!!!!) Valemont! (Fuck...) Shen-du! (...crap..) Ukyo! (Whatever...) Anita! (Shit!!!!) (RM) They'll read shitty lemons And they'll slowly go insane Cause those lab rats know It's the scariest part of my membrane!!!! (insert evil,insane laughter) **************************************************************************** On the last episode of MLT,the crew MSTed the 1st lemon in the "Lust Virus" series.After they manage to survive that crap,they mentally brace themselves for the next piece of shit that RM craps outta his evil,bishounen ass. Irvine/Anita:(lots of heavy breathing and erotic moaning) Ooookaaaayyyyy....not EVERYONE is ready...... Anyway,without further ado,let's get this crap over with,shall we. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The scene opens up innocently enough.Steiner and Ukyo are having an okonomiyaki eating contest,Irvine and Anita are watching La Blue Girl, Valemont is getting hammered on sake,and Rose and Umi are playing Twister. This scene seems innocent enough,but none of them seem to know that RM is planning something hideous,evil,and downright not good. And it's not a 72 Barney/BabyBop yaoi either. **************************************************************************** But I think I'll just quit demolishing what few shards of the fourth wall are left,and let you experience the sordid stories of 8 unfortunate souls. **************************************************************************** Anyway,the crew is relaxing.They do that for a while longer,then they meet at the kitchen table for a meeting of the minds...not that they could do much. Anyhoo,they met at the table.They had a big snack,interrupted only briefly as Steiner farted.The air conditioning kicked in and blew the smell out,and the snack break finished rather quickly. Now,the crew is talking. Anita:So Irvine,why does that green haired bitch hate you so much? Irvine:Well,it goes like this..... %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Warning!!!! A Flashback Sequence is about to occur.If by any chance this makes you sterile,there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.Thank you. ############################################################################ Time:The past. Place:Balamb Garden Academy We are in Irvine's room.A younger version of himself and a teenage green haired bitch can be seen.The bitch is a younger Ms.B,who is currently about to give Irvine head. Irvine:Please baby,suck me off like a bitch!!!! Ms.B:(bends down)Just don't call me a bitch..... (starts giving head) Irvine:YEEEE-HAAAWWWW!!!! You're a great bitch!!!! Unfortunately for him,that when she decides to clamp down on his phallus. Irvine:(in agony)AW DAMMIT!!!! THAT HURTS,BITCH!!!!! Anyway,the blowjob continues to run it's course,until Irvine is done.He zips up his pants and Ms.B gets ready to leave. Irvine:You're the best bitch on earth!!!! *CRUNCH* Irvine:(holding his groin area) Ms.B:Asshole.....(leaves) (fade out) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Irvine:And that why she hates me. Just then,the familiar klaxons blare. All:SHIT!!!! We've got a lemon!!!! With that,they march their collective asses to the lemon screen. They arrive in the theater,but they barely have time to sit down before the smiling face of RM appears on the screen. Apparently,he really is vacationing in Hell,if the the leaping brimstone spouts and tortured screams are any indication.He is currently in a tacky pea green shirt and fluorescent orange shorts.He sports sunglasses,a Vanilla Coke in one hand,and a raised middle finger in the other. RM:Greetings,lab rats. All:Fuck you!!!!! RM:Maybe when I get back.I just called to inform you imbeciles that you will be MSTing the entire Lust Virus series,and there isn't damn thing you can do about it. Steiner:(raises middle finger)Anything else,you sorry, dickless bastard? RM:(bored)If saying that makes you feel better,feel free. Anyway,I have decided to release one of you.... All;(shocked)You're kidding..... RM:Nope. Umi:Who gets to be the lucky SOB? RM:(grins)Shen-du,please step forward. Shen-du:Gee,th- RM:(snappishly)Don't thank me,thank them.....(snaps his fingers) Suddenly,a clan of demons,apparently his inlaws,appear behind RM. All of them look a combination of happy and horny. Shen-du:(pales)NOOOOOO!!!!!! NOT THEM!!!! RM:That's right Shenny,they missed you.In fact,I heard you can give great head...... All:(sans Shen-du)What the FUCK!!!!! Shen-du:Please don't send me to them!!!! I'll do anything!!! (starts begging for mercy) RM:(evily)Too late for groveling now!!!!! (snaps his fingers) Suddenly,Valemont's body shudders in agony as Shen-du's soul is ripped out.It floats in the air,the disappears. It manages to reappear,right in the middle of the demons. Shen-du doesn't even have time to scream as his inlaws dogpile him. Mercifully,RM teleports them away.He then turns his attention back to the crew,and does his best to ignore Valemont,who is practically doing ballet over the riddance of Shen-du. RM:I just wanted inform you one last thing.You will be getting a new crew member.In fact,I believe one of you might know this guy.Your lemon and your new crewmate will arrive soon.Until then, prepare to lose what little sanity you have left!!!!!!! (laughs insanely as the screen clicks off) Umi:(quips)Don't adjust your set folks,you just saw an asshole...... All:(laugh) Just then,the screen clicks back.LoG isn't there,but Pesmerga is.He is currently working on a crossword puzzle.He notices the crew and gets up. Pesmerga:Hello. Rose;(deadpan)Hi. Pesmerga:I just called to inform you that LoG had me and Yuber read the second "Lust Virus" story. Steiner:(curious)And..... Pesmerga:It's still sick,but at least it's a little better than the original.....(shudders)...by the way,what is a six letter word that could be used to describe lemons? Valemont:How about "hentai",dumbass.... Pesmerga:(annoyed)Well,my whiny,pissant,British shitbag,it must take a trained eye to tell if my ass is "gay".....faggot..... All:(except Valemont) *laugh uncontrollably* Pesmerga:Well,anyway,have a nice day guys....bye. All:Bye!!! (screen clicks off) Valemont:Asshole...... Just as Valemont shows how little brain cells it is possible for a human to use,the screen clicks back on,this time showing the fucked up mug of the dicky doc,and his busty bitch. They have just finished setting up a movie screen,and Ms.B is standing by the VCR.Meanwhile,Dr.T addresses our MSTers. Dr.T:Greetings,lab rats. Valemont:(drily)Greetings,Dr.Tahley "Can't get it up" Whacker.... Dr.T:Oh haaaahh haaahhh haaaahhh......I just wanted inform you that your lemon will be arriving shortly.Your new crewmate has been transported to one of the guest rooms.He will be put into stasis mode until the nano machines in his neck feed his brain all the info he'll need to lose his sanity....... (presses button) Suddenly,the chair Irvine is sitting in suddenly engages a forcefield.He is suddenly pinned to the chair,and finds that he can't even turn his head.Irvine can still emote,and his expression is a cross of scared and pissed.This quickly turns to fear when he sees the evil smile on Ms.B's face. Ms.B:(evily)How do you like your situation now,bitch?!?!? (does Kodachi Kuno(Ranma 1/2) deranged opera singer laugh) Irvine:(so scared he's about to shit himself) Ms.B:Thanks to the good doctor's boss,I managed to get a Ranma 1/2 yaoi tape for the little Western bastard.... Ukyo:(outraged)Are you insane!!!! You'll kill him!!!!!! Ms.B:(laughing insanely)That's the fucking idea!!!!!!!! (presses "Play") Next the crew knows,they are forced to watch a very graphic yaoi scene,featuring the boys of Ranma 1/2.Irvine watches in horror as Ranma is pounding the ass of his friend\rival Ryouga, who is getting sucked off by the resident Ranma 1/2 dumbass, Tatewaki Kuno,who is getting his own ass pounded by the Chinese hammerspace master Mousse. Meanwhile,the crew is hiding their faces,and Irvine feels what's left of his sanity start to unravel.He is about to break down in tears when,mercifully,Dr.T turns off the tape.He quickly presses the button to release Irvine,then addresses the crew,ignoring an obviously pissed Ms.B. Dr.T:(holds up a finger)Excuse me for a second....(to Ms.B).... YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!! THE LAB RATS ARE ONLY SUPPOSED TO GO INSANE FROM THE LEMONS!!!! Besides...(gestures offscreen)...you know that turns Gacker on..and I don't want to have to haul out a mop and bucket to clean up tentacle cum again......(to the MSTers)...don't worry though,you're still getting a lemon.Have a nice fucking day....... (screen clicks off) As the image of Dr.T fades,the MSTers watch as Irvine topples to the ground,collaspes into a moaning fetal ball,and cries like a baby. They watch this surreal scene unfold for a few moments.Finally,in the interests of keeping the MST going(damn fourth wall!!!!!!),the guys pick up the pieces of Irvine Kinneas and head for the kitchen,hoping they can get the poor bastard so drunk he won't remember his name. Meanwhile,the girls notice the screen comes back on,and they sit down to MST the lemon. (screen loads images up) 6-The Final Fantasy VIII characters are infected with the Lust Virus,and are currently screwing each other. 5-Freed,Yoshino,and Sanae Y are stumbling around blind, trying to find their glasses. 4-Freya and Beatrix are having a bitch slapping contest,and Zidane,Amarant,and Steiner are placing bets on the winner. 3-Lemon MSTers around the world are having a drinking contest,and RM just crapped on himself. 2-Umi is dragging Ascot into a closet. 1-Viktor,Khan,Klaus,Gustav,and Sierra are pissing on Neclord's ashes. (Lemon comes on) >The Lust Virus: Ash's Whore Moans Anita:(Ash,moaning)..yes Misty,fuck me like a bitch.... >(thanks to Doppelganger for the title) Umi:Damn,now this sicko has help with this shit? >It was a pleasant day in Mr. Rodger's neighborhood... Anita:(snorts)If that's true,why is he putting his shoe in his ass...... >No, wait, that's not it. Anita:He's also trying to cram his pants in too. >It was a pleasant, child molesting day in Mr. Rodger's neighborhood... Ukyo:(scared)Girls.....I think I have just lost the ability to orgasm about now..... >There we go! Umi:Like Osama Bin Laden doing 80 mph in a golf cart, doing his best to avoid the heavy ordinance aimed at his head and testicular region..... >And suddenly it all exploded. Rose:Well...at least I won't have insert a death reference..... >*** >In a dark corner in downtown Cerulean City, there stood something so >horrible, so unspeakable, so disgusting, that only those of the most >courageous caliber dared to even think of speaking its name! Anita:Al Gore\Bill Clinton yaoi? >It was.....a little cutey kitty-cat! Umi:(sarcastic)I'm sooo scared.... >And next to that kitty was a warehouse. Umi:(serious)I am officialy scared shitless right now.... >Inside that warehouse, deep in the bowels of the dark and ominous >building, where unspeakable acts were being performed, was a woman >with big jugs, fingering herself like there was no tomorrow. Rose:Because she knew it was her last fuck on earth before the needle pierced her heart...... >"Ohhhh..... Ohhh, Fabio...." Anita:(Ms.Jugglesworth)The EAR!!!! Ram it in my EAR!!!!!! >She worked her fingers in and out of her well-lubricated pussy, using >her thumb to work her clit, driving her Ukyo:Insane. >closer to orgasm. Faster and >faster her fingers moved, till they were a blur in her hot sex. She >could feel her body trembling as her orgasm crept closer, so close... Rose:It could assasinate her at point blank range. >"Ms. Jugglesworth!!" Anita:(Lustidick)My namesake just flipped me off!!!! >"AAAAACKK!!!" >With that ear-shattering scream, the lovely, big-jugged woman fell off >her bed and hit the floor, ass first. Umi:It's seems Shadow might be desperate if he's calling Ms.Jugglesworth lovely. >"Ms. Jugglesworth, I need you in the laboratory!" Anita:(Lustidick,in an Obi-Wan manner)Your mouth....give me head..... >Repressing the urge Rose:To ram a rusty metal stick up his ass. >to strangle the good Dr. Lustidick, Rose:He's about as good as a bullet in the brain.... >Ms. Jugglesworth stood up and started to shout at him, Umi:(Ms.Juggleworth,shouting)I WILL NEVER SUCK YOU OFF AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! >but the doctor left before she could get up a good lather. >*** >In the above-mentioned laboratory where bad and nasty things were >happening, the mad Dr. Lustidick was heating a test tube filled with Anita:Cum. >a reddish liquid, and watching a football game on TV. >"YES!!! Go Packers!!! Beat those fucking Cowboy's into the turf!!" >(Best thing about transdimensional travel? Your favorite football >teams can go from stagnant to unstoppable.) Ukyo:That would be cool..... >Just then, Ms. Jugglesworth stepped in, wearing her partially-revealing, >breast-displaying assistant's uniform. Umi:Maybe I'm wrong here,but I smell a recurring partially nude female assistant reference here. >"I'm here, Dr. Lustidick," she announced, still feeling miffed at a >missed orgasm. Anita:Who wouldn't be? >"Ah, good," the doctor replied. He switched off the TV and turned to >face her. "Today, Ms. Jugglesworth, we'll be continuing the experiments >of my greatest creation, Rose:(Lustidick)The Ass Reamer 5000!!! >the Lust Virus. And with it, we will take >over the world!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Umi:(thoughtfully)Now I see where Dr.T gets his weird shit from. >"Doctor?" >"Yes, Ms. Jugglesworth?" >"Exactly *why* are we trying to take over the world?" Ukyo:(Lustidick)Because I'm a repulsive little turd with an unfortunate name,so I decided to take it out on someone. Anita:Or maybe you're just fucking stupid. Ukyo:(Lustidick)That's a good excuse too.... >That stumped him. Even more so than last week's crossword puzzle. >Finally he came up with an answer that might satisfy her. Anita:I speak from experience. NOTHING can replace a good orgasm. Ukyo:That's disgusting...but you have a point. >"Because,my dear, I am a mad scientist. And mad scientists >always try to take over the world! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" Rose:If that's true,Frankenstein was a prototype supersoldier. >"But the Packers are winning now." >"Uh...yeah. Still..." Umi:(Lustidick)I'm impotent...... >She sighed heavily. "So who is the target?" Umi:(bored)A naive 13 year old in blue jeans,black shirt, Pokemon league wear,finger gloves,and has a small bent member with purple spots and a strange birthmark on the underside. >"That boy who we ran into when we first came here. Ukyo:Ranma Saotome? Rose:Gohan? Umi:Ash Ketchum? Anita:(to Umi)Correct! you win $64,000 dollars.... (pauses) Anita:Not that it will do you much good on this shithole satellite..... >He'll make an excellent subject for my new and improved >Lust Virus!!" All:(monotone)Yay. >As the doctor went into another crazed laughing spree, Ms. Jugglesworth >turned around and pulled a cell phone from her lab coat. She dialed >a number, idly rubbing her crotch through her panties. "Hello, Fabio? >Yes, it's me. I won't be able to make it tonight. Yes, I know. What >about your wife? Well, you'll just have to put her in the transdimensional >disintegrator." Pause. "What'dya mean, it didn't work the first time?!" Umi:(Fabio)She was too damn fat to fit in there!!!!!! >A slight crash brought her attention back to the laboratory. The >Lust Virus pod had been released, and was now banging into the wall, >trying to find the door. >"It's over *there*, you stupid virus!" Dr. Lustidick shouted, exasperated. >Eventually, after breaking the TV and ten other irreplaceable glass >objects, the virus found the door and flew away, in search of its target. Umi:Well,at least we know the virus is STILL a dumbass..... >*** >Miles away, outside of Cerulean City and near the Viridian Forest and >just ten minutes away from the Purple Mountains Majesty by car, was a >campsite. Ukyo:That a 150 pokemon orgy festival was currently taking place at. >At that campsite was the newly-returned trio of Ash, Misty, >and Tracey. They had just come back from the Orange Islands and had >stopped off for some relaxation and a visit to Misty's sisters for Anita:Head. >an incestuous four-way before going back to Pallet Town and giving the >GS ball to Prof. Oak. Misty was working with Togepi trying to teach it >the Headbash attack. Tracey was sketching a pair of Nidoran who were >eating from a nearby bush. And Ash was washing in a nearby river after >having been covered in mud after being fried by Charizard after a foolish >attempt to train him properly. Umi:Let me guess.A jacking off contest,that Charizard lost,right? >Anyway, about a hundred feet above Ash's current location floated a >star-shaped green and purple organism. It floated down to ten feet >above Ash and waited for an opportunity to strike. >In the water, Ash was oblivious to what was above him. He was scrubbing >his arms when suddenly he dropped the soap. (cliche, I know, but who >cares?) Ukyo:(snidely)Anyone with a shred of good taste,dipshit!!!! >Above him, the Lust Virus sensed it was time to strike. It dropped >down a few feet above the water, took aim, and rammed itself straight >up Ash's rear. Ukyo:(stunned)A gay virus.....what is this world coming to? Anita:Naked Britany Spears pictures most likely. Umi:Uhh..Anita...I don't think she meant that type of "coming"... >Ash himself straightened up Ukyo:After he found that he and Gary weren't working out. >instantly after feeling >something digging in his ass, then the feeling disappeared, and he >grabbed the soap and went back to washing himself. >A few minutes later, as he was reaching around to wash his back, he >felt a tingling in his crotch. Rose:(Ash)Shit.....I knew I shouldn't be playing with razor blades again....... >At first he ignored it, but then the tingling got stronger, and he >glanced down.... and saw a penis as long and thick as his arm, standing >erect, proud and tall. And with that sight he raised his arms and face >to the sky, and shouted a resounding "YES!!! THANK YOU, GOD!!!!!" Anita:Blasphemy,I know,but I would say a few amens myself if I were him...... >And God looked down upon Ash, and He said, "What the hell?! I thought >I killed that kid already!" Rose;Still blasphemy,but this could get funny..... >And the Lord God threw down a thunderbolt to strike Ash down, but he >was already out of the river and putting on his shirt. He threw his >pants away because there was no way he was gonna get his newly-formed >dick into those weak-ass blue jeans. Once he had his shirt on, he >made a bee-line for the campsite, with not-so-pure intentions in mind. Ukyo:(Ash)Watch out Tracey.Today I will beat you at Scrabble!!!!! >[quick scene change to the campsite] At the campsite, Misty was playing with Togepi, (not that way!) and >Tracey was still sketching the Nidorans, who were now in the process >of copulating. Suddenly from out of the forest bounded Ash, who ran >straight into the camp site with a hardon and no pants. (so how long >do you think I can milk that line?) Anita:About as many times as I can orgasm.....which means that line's usage will go into the hundreds within minutes..... >Misty glanced up from Togepi Rose:And died from the shock and amazement of a baseball bat sized length. >and noticed Ash had misplaced his pants. Ukyo:Especially if those pants are being carried away by a horny Pidgey. >"Ash, what in the world do you think you're..." Then she saw...IT. Umi:(pissed)WHAT IS SHADOW'S OBSESSION WITH THE STEPHEN KING MOVIE?!?!?! >"HOLY HELL!!!" Ukyo:Isn't that a contradiction of terms? >"Why don't you try it on for size, Misty?" Ash said in a deep voice. >He didn't wait for an answer and rushed forward and tackled her, Rose:Turning her into a bloody smear on the gridiron.... >snapping her suspenders in two on the way down. Not even bothering >with the zipper, he tore her shorts in half and just plain punched >through her panties with his dick. (they were cheap panties, okay?!) Umi:Dare I say,convenient? >In one brutal thrust, he shoved half the length of his massive cock >into her pussy, making her moan unconsciously from the sheer size of it. >Ash began to thrust in and out of her, pulling his cock almost all the >way outside, then thrusting back in as far as it would go. Misty wasn't >a virgin, Anita:Doesn't this dumbass know that he established that fact a few paragraphs ago? >but her pussy was virgin-tight, so he had a little trouble >manuevering. Only seconds later, traces of the Lust Virus seeped >through the skin of his engorged penis and made their way into Misty's >bloodstream. Ukyo:(sarcastic)Oh goody...blood cell orgies. >The improved virus increased her hormonal output and >stretched her pussy to accomodate the oversized invader. Now she >was moving with the tempo, fucking her body on the one-eyed monster >that was trying to embed itself in her body. Anita:(gasps)Now THAT is gonna be one fucked up conjoined pair. >During all this, Tracey was still watching the Nidorans. That's all. Ukyo:Lucky him. >Back to Ash and Misty. Ukyo:Do we have to? >Ash was fucking her with all his strength,desperate Rose:And suicidal. >to unload his oversized balls into Misty's waiting cunt. Ukyo:Gives new meaning to "filling the holes" doesn't it? >Unfortunately, the ADD kicked in just then, Umi:And Ash got hard looking at a naked Brock picture. >and he caught sight of Ukyo:Lustidick dropping his pants and jacking off. >Tracey's Marrill, who was watching the two curiously. Rose:(Marrill,thinking)Are you sure that a knife in the gut is sexually stimulating? >In one swift motion, he extracted himself from Misty and >jumped the water rodent. Umi:Like Jack over the candlestick. >Immediately he Ukyo:Forgot the comma. >grabbed the blue mouse and tried to impale it on his >dick, but it was just too big. The virus inside of him sensed Rose:That with a host this stupid,it was better off killing itself. >Ash was trying to fit a Ukyo:A Poke Ball into his ass. >very large Tab A into a very small Slot B. >Out of a kind of viral instinct, it altered the DNA cells pertaining >to his genital size and shrank his dick down to a respectible 6" long >and just thick enough to stretch the Marrill slightly. Ash was just >trying to fuck something, Rose:So he hemorraged himself to death,ramming his rod into the small end of a busted glass bottle. >and once his dick was small enough to fit, he shoved it into the >round blue rodent as fast as he could. Basic instinct took >over as he felt the Marrill's love tunnel wrapped around his cock. >He took hold of the pokemon like it was a blow-up doll and humped it >like there was no tomorrow! >Meanwhile, Misty was feeling quite deprived. >And a bit depraved Anita:Well,no shit,Sherlock.It's a lemon. >as the virus took hold. She began to look around for an opportunity... Ukyo:Just then,a horny Machoke entered the scene >Tracey was *still* watching the damn Nidoran, who were now exploring >the various positions available to them, Ash was molesting Marrill, >and Pikachu was curled up in a ball, doing....something. >What the hell was that rodent doing, anyway? Anita:Filming this shit to be broadcast over the Internet. >Suddenly, like a meteor shower, another person entered the campsite. >It was Janet Reno! Rose:Apparently,Shadow doesn't think that overkill exists. >No, actually, it was Nurse Joy, wearing a costume. >Don't ask why, if you know what's good for you. Anita:Why shouldn't we ask? Ukyo;Do you want to run the risk of never being able to have sex again? Anita:FUCK NO!!!!! >Anyway, she stripped off the costume, very pissed that her date had >stood her up for the costume party and left her here in the woods. >Underneath her costume she wasn't wearing anything,but since she was >in the middle of nowhere, she didn't think it would matter. Ukyo:Assuming either makes an ass out of you,or gets it fucked...... >Unfortunately for her, Misty caught sight of her naked body just then, >and naturally, her hormones got the better of her. She charged the >naked female form, who was currently unaware of her impending rapist. >Then about a hundred pounds of horny white female hit her, and she hit >the ground, getting a nasty grass stain on her ass. Umi:That bleach wouldn't fix. >Before Joy could react, Misty started french-kissing her and fondling >her breasts eagerly. Joy was in too much shock to protest, or even >try to escape from her preteen attacker. It didn't stop Misty from >fingering Joy's cunt till she was moaning audibly. Even then, Joy >hadn't regained complete sanity, and was helpless in Misty's arms. >Tracey was still watching the fucking Nidoran. No comment there. Ukyo:Girls,how much you wanna bet that Tracey isn't one of Shadow's favorite characters? >Over at Ash's corner, Marrill was having a rip-snortin' good time! She >hadn't been fucked like this since that orgy before Tracey caught her. >Ash humped her with a vengeance, trying desperately to empty his balls >into the pokemon. As hard as he fucked, he couldn't get himself to Umi:Write all the works of Shakespeare. >cum. It might've been because Marrill had loosened up to the point >where she wasn't virgin-tight anymore. Then he caught sight of Misty >and Joy, and that whole lesbian/three-way fantasy thing kicked in, not >to mention the ADD, Ukyo:Which is turning into a lame recurring joke\Ash bashing. >and he pulled Marrill off his dick and ran straight for the two women. >Needless to say, Ash will be getting little mouse droppings in his >sleeping bag tonight. Anita:As sick as this sounds,I think Ash might consider that a come on...... >Joy was just beginning to come out of her shock and was just about to >scream for help when she felt something very large pressing against the >entrance to her sex. Ash's cock had spronged back to its full horse >size, and he fully intended to use it. Not even waiting for Joy's >consent, Umi:Which he didn't give a shit about in the first place. >he rammed the entire length deep inside her, and this time, >Joy screamed like a banshee. >At the sound of that scream, Lieutenant Surge rushed into the clearing. >Wait a sec, why's he here? Rose:(smirking)He's here to administer a little "shock therapy" to these sex crazed nymphos. >Hm, time for a crazy, mixed up story. Let's see how crazy I can >make it. Umi:(shocked)You mean that what we've read up till now isn't it? >First of all, he was kidnapped by aliens, All:Cliche!!!!! >then gang-anal-probed, Anita:Disturbing,but still cliched. >then set down on an island inhabited by bisexual aborigines, Ukyo:(chanting)Let them be female...let them be female... >then, after a three-month orgy,rescued by Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, Umi:Who were currently on drugs and were smoking fossilized pokemon crap. >returned to Vermillion City and had his memories erased, Umi:Sorta like his braincells. >then, after taking painkillers for the soreness in his ass, Anita:From the "training sessions" with his Raichu. >wandered away, heard Joy's scream, Rose:(Joy)Please...kill me quickly!!!!!! >and came to investigate. There we are. And I did it without >using a period. HAH! Ukyo:Actually,dumbass,before you said "HAH!",you did. Umi:Twice. >Anyways, we'll get to that in a minute. Anita:I didn't know that a minute could be driven. >*** >In the Interdimensional Bureau of Investigation, two officers walked >into their boss's office. One was naked. Ukyo:And playing with his nose goblins. >Their boss looked up from his paperwork and greeted the two. "Glad to >see you here," he said. "I was afraid that little flesh-eating virus >had done you in." Umi:(Agent)I was able to pacify it with my wardrobe. >"No, sir," the male officer said, "That was no big deal." >"It was just a minor nuisance," the female officer interjected. >"Good, good. Then you won't mind going after this new virus." >"What virus would that be, sir?" the female inquired. >"It's a new one. It was created by Dr. Lustidick. You know him?" Anita:(Female agent)How could we forget? His face is above all the dirty words in the dictionary!!!!!! >"I've heard of him," the male said slowly. Rose:(Male Agent)I heard 65 different nation want to kill him by impaling his ass on a bayonet until he bleeds to death. >"Well, he's been trying to create a virus that induces extreme hormonal >growth, and from what Recon tells us, it also reshapes the victim's >body to become the perfect sex machine. If he used this on a government, >he could take control of their minds by some science thing and take over >the entire world!" Anita:That paragraph had more cliches than Superman cartoons. >"Then he must be stopped," the male said resolutely. >"Fuck yea. Now get going!" >[quick scene change to outside the office] >"You really should've put some pants on, Molder," the female agent >said to her partnet. Ukyo:Well,whaddya know,the spellchecker fucked up again..... >"Somebody stole 'em, Skully," he replied. Umi:(to the others)If you haven't gotten the name puns by now,you either need to watch the X-files,or get my foot rammed up your asses...... >"Your shirts, too?" >"They're all dirty." Ukyo:Sorta like this lemon. >"Whatever..." Umi:What the HELL is Squall Leonhart doing in a Pokemon lemon? >*** >Back in the clearing, Surge heard the scream from the road, and rushed >into the clearing to save whoever was in trouble. >Imagine his surprise when he saw Nurse Joy being assaulted by a naked >preteen girl and a pokémon trainer with a horse cock. Umi:(Surge)HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! >Nah, he was more surprised than that. >Misty, on the other hand, was happy as a clam being sandwiched between >a nurse and a well-endowed 12-year old. Then she saw Lt. Surge, and >she figured a seven-foot tall army guy would be a better lay than Ash, Anita:For once,I can't argue with Shadow's logic.I'd fuck the Liutenant myself...... >who was apparently more interested in fucking Joy, anyway. She slipped >out from between the two naked bodies, broke into a dead run and hit >Surge like Enzo runs into Bob. Ukyo:(impressed)Well...you don't see "Reboot" bashing in a Pokemon lemon....usually..... >Even though she was half his size, her momentum took him down like a >tree getting hit by a wrecking ball.Surge hit the ground hard enough to >stun him, which didn't change Misty's plans one bit. She unbuckled and >unzipped his pants, pulling out his dick without even bothering to remove >his pants and camouflage underwear. Anita:(smirking)At least no one can say she isn't eager..... >She began to suck on his limp member hungrily, watching it become >engorged on the upstroke. It grew to a very nice ten inches, perfectly >serviceable. Rose:As a fuck tool,or a rather unorthodox bludgeon. >She positioned herself over it, then hesitated for a second.Her pussy >had already been well-fucked by Ash, and decided she wanted her ass reamed >out now. Not even caring about lubricant, she held his rock-hard tool >upright and shoved herself down on it. Her ass was so tight, the head >wouldn't fit past the entrance to her hole, but then the Lust Virus went >to work. Umi:At Nintendo of America Inc. >Sensing that something was trying to come in,but was too large to fit, >it stretched out Misty's sphincter just enough for whatever it was to go >in without much trouble. Ukyo:Except for the shootout in Mexico. >Misty felt her ass loosening, and immediately took the opportunity to >impale herself on her stud's cock. >We'll come back to that in a second. About ten feet away, Pikachu had >just finished sucking himself off, (I'll spare you the spoogey details) Rose:I'd insert a death reference here....but I'll just be grateful for small favors this time...... >but if anything, he was hornier than ever. Then he looked up and noticed >the two depraved scenes going on not ten feet away from him. He ran >over and took a seat next to Misty and Surge and started wanking like >there was no tomorrow. Rose:Even Shadow must hate this stuff if he keeps wishing tomorrow won't happen. >Unfortunately for him, Misty still wanted something else long and hard inside her, Umi:And a frozen Twinkie just wouldn't suffice. >and she caught sight of Pikachu's glistening red prick. >She reached for him, and Pikachu thought she was going to jerk him off >for him, but then she reached around, grabbed him by the fur on his back, >and slammed his prick into her cunt. Needless to say, Pikachu was a >little...surprised. Ukyo:That Professor Oak turned out to be gay. >"Pika-pi!" (I'll be automatically translating what he says into English >from now on) "What the fuck?!" Then Misty started to use him like a >dildo, and very roughly. >"God-*sluch*damn! *squich* "Mother-*slish*fucking crazy-*squish* bitch!" >*slsssh* "This-*squish*-is-*squalch*-ri-*glorsh*goddamn-*slippy*-diculous!" Umi:(dryly)You have summed up this lemon in one squicky sentence. >Then Misty got frustrated at his undersized penis and tossed him away, >fucking her ass onto Surge's dick all the harder. >Pikachu landed about twelve feet away, face up. Right near the still-horny >Marrill. "Goddamn," Pikachu mumbled. "I always knew that bitch was >crazy." It was just then that he noticed the water mouse was presenting >her backside to him in an attempt to entice him. Even after his ordeal >with Misty, he was still one horny Rose:Necrofiliac. >pokemon. He was on Marrill in a second, shoving his dick deep inside her. >He may have been too small for Misty, but to Marrill, he was huge. Not as >big as Ash, but damn well big enough. >Back to Ash. Rose:Which is what your body will be if the good taste societies get their hands on you. >Once again he was fucking Joy as hard as he could, but he >still couldn't cum. He was pumping Joy like a jackhammer, sending her >to new plateaus of ecstac--fuck it, there's no way I can get away with >that phrase. Anita:And I'm still suprised you are getting away with this crappy lemon..... >Moving back to Misty. Surge had gotten into the swing of things and >was pumping up into Misty's ass. Misty ground her well-reamed rear into >him, wanting desperately to get off. She began fingering herself, but >even that didn't bring her orgasm closer. Rose:To the bottomless pit. >Surge, on the other hand,felt his dick pulse and his balls tighten, >and suddenly his nuts exploded Anita:(winces)Ouch...... >into Misty. Spurt after spurt of warm sperm was pumped into Misty's ass, >quickly filling her hole and leaking out the sides. Surge thrust into >her twice more, making sure he shot his load deep inside her, then >suddenly stopped moving. Umi:Gee,he dies after having sex? Anita:Even though I know it's a crappy lemon,she must have been really good if THAT happened. >Unfortunately, Misty had not yet finished. And I mean that in a >non-orgasm kind of way. She glanced down at Surge, and, sure enough, >he was just like any real man: he shot his wad and passed out. ARUU:(to "real men" in general)Wimp. >Let's take a short break from all this sex stuff for a while, okay? Ukyo:(clasps her hands and offers up a blessing) >*** >Back at that freaky-freaky scary-scary warehouse over in Cerulean City, >Dr. Lustidick was watching TV on a rented 5" mobile television and >placing a call to his interdimensional bookie. >"Hey, Charlie? Put me down on the Packers to win by 32 in dimension >#192375, alright? Thanks!" He put the phone down just as the Packers >made another 50-yard rush and scored another touchdown. "FUCK YEA!!!!!!" >Ms. Jugglesworth was waiting for the game to end so she could ask the >doctor for time off to go on a date, and considering how well the >Packers were doing, it'd probably be over soon. Unfortunately, neither >of them managed to finish what they were doing. >The door to the warehouse suddenly burst open, Anita:Spraying cum all over the place. RUU:(MAJOR BIG ASS WINCING) >and two officers of the Interdimensional Bureau of Investigation >ran in, guns at ready. >Once again, one was naked. Umi:Does this guy LIVE for nudity jokes? >"Freeze, IBI!!" Skully shouted. >"You're under arrest, Dr. Lustidick!" Molder added. "Come quietly and >you won't be hurt!" Ukyo:For now,but you just wait until you get a gang anal probe at the jail. >The doctor and his assistant just stared at the naked officer. "Uh, >officer," the doctor started, "Do you realize you're-" Rose:(Lustidick)A fucked up,zombie version of one of Hannibal Lecter's victims. >"Yes, I know I'm naked!" Molder blurted out. "I think the draft is >kind of a tip-off!" >"O...kay." Umi:(Lustidick)I am officially impotent right now....damn..... >"Now surrender," Skully suddenly shouted, "And hand over the cure to >your virus!" >"NEVER!!!" >"Do it," Molder said menacingly, "Or I start doing jumping-jacks." Anita:(cringes)That would turn even me off.... >"OH, GOD NO!!! Here's the goddamn cure!!" The doctor tossed a vial of >red liquid to Skully, then grabbed the radio-remote-control-car-looking >thingy and pressed a button. "Come, Ms. Jugglesworth! We shall escape, >to another anime series!!" Umi:He sets one foot in Cephiro,and I'll personally ask Ascot to summon a monster to do some bestiality to the little shitbag!!!! >The assistant just sighed. "Aw, crap. I'm gonna have to push my date >back again..." Rose:Into the toxic waste..... >The doctor and assistant ran through the glimmering white portal which >appeared a moment later. Skully and Molder put their guns away, Molder >with obvious difficulty. Anita:I'd MST this,but....(grabs a barf bag) >"I don't see why you couldn't just borrow a pair of pants," Skully said, >exasperated. >"I have all of my pants custom-tailored," Molder sighed. "Come on, let's >see who he's infected with this thing." Umi:Do we HAVE to? >*** >Did I mention Tracey was still watching the Nidorans? Never mind. >Ash was still pumping Joy, but getting nowhere fast as far as his own >pleasure was concernd. Joy's pleasure, however, was increasing rapidly, >and her breathing was coming in short gasps. She felt a massive wave >of pleasure Anita:Knock her body flat on it's ass. >engulf her as her cunt tightened around Ash's cock, and she >let out a scream that everyone in the campsite heard. >Except Tracey. He was wearing headphones and listening to Kryptonite >by 3 Doors Down. >(Okay, so far I've managed to bullshit my way through the sex scenes. Umi:It's a ripoff,I know,but they have been bullshit accordingly. >Let's see if I can't write a good [bad] one, shall we?) Ukyo:What the hell. Besides,there isn't much worse you can do to us...except throwing in a shit fetish..... >When Ash felt Joy cum, he growled in frustration and pulled out, sat >down a few feet away and started to pout. It was just then that another >person entered the campsite. It was...the cops! Officer Jenny, actually. Umi:(to Rose)Do you sense a yuri scene about to occur,or is it just me? >As she walked into the clearing, the first thing she saw was a naked >Joy, still writhing on the ground from the aftershocks of orgasm. Turns >out, she was a little angry. >"You bitch!!" screamed Jenny. "What have I told you about fucking men >without my permission?!?!" Umi:(snaps her fingers)I KNEW IT!!!! Rose:Not that it'll make this shit stop..... >Joy regained her senses in time to see Jenny standing over her with her >nightstick in hand. "I-I-I-I'm sorry, mistress. He attacked me!" Ukyo:Then why are you smiling? Anita:And massaging his ass? >Jenny noticed the fluids leaking out from between Joy's legs just then. >"And you came! That is unacceptable!" Umi:Tell her dripping cunt that. >"I didn't want to! That kid forced me to!" >"I don't know," Ash muttered, "Sounded like she enjoyed it to me." >*PLONK!* >That would be the sound of Ash getting hit in the head with a rock. >"Bastard!" That would be the sound of Joy calling Ash a bastard. Ukyo:And the redundancy meter has just gone off the chart. >"You must be punished," Jenny said darkly. >"Please, no, Mistress, I'll be good!" >"I'm sure you will...but right now you must be Anita:Stoned. >punished for this transgression." Jenny twirled the baton a few >times to inspire a little fear in her naked slave. "Stand up. Now!" >Joy did as ordered and stood before her mistress, naked as a jaybird. >Jenny passed the baton to her left hand and twisted Rose:Joy's neck. >Joy's nipples roughly with her right. Joy whimpered quietly, resigned Umi:The presidency. >to her fate. Jenny moved forward and kissed her tenderly, squeezing her >breast mercilessly.She put the baton on her belt for later and moved her >hand down between Joy's legs and started fingering her, noticing how loose >she was. She pulled away from the nurse for a moment. Anita:Which happens to taste like a warm Sprite. >"Hm, he really reamed you out, didn't he?" she said with a hint of >malevolance. "I see I'm going to have to give you a much more strict >punishment than the one I had in mind." Ukyo:(Jenny,thinking)I guess spanking is out..... >Joy whimpered again, not daring to voice her concerns. Jenny slowly >walked around her, trailing a finger around her waist. Suddenly she >spun Joy around and pushed her to the grass below. She then lay on top >of her and took out her baton, whacking the ground next to Joy, enjoying >seeing her cringe at the sudden sound. Rose:A sadistic domination bitch...I had a dream like that once..... >She moved her body downward,bouncing the end of the nightstick on Joy's >skin as she moved. She began fingering Joy again, getting her primed for >what she had in store for her. Umi:Three French hens,two turtle doves,and a partridge in a pear tree. >Once she was sure her slave was ready, she rubbed the end of her >nightstick against Joy's vaginal lips, watching her shiver with excitement >and fear. Slowly she pushed the tip inside her, then shoved in half of >the 13" length into the nurse. Immediately Joy cried out and pushed her >hips down onto the nightstick, trying to Ukyo:Strike gold. >get more inside her. As soon as she tried it, Jenny extracted the pole, >then slid it back in again,pumping it in and out slow enough to drive Joy >insane with frustration. >Finally Jenny pulled the nightstick out completely. "Noooo..." Joy >moaned, "Please, let me cum, Mistress..." >"All in good time, my dear," Jenny whispered, giving Joy a lusty smile. >"You still have to receive your punishment." Anita:(confused)Not being allowed to climax isn't it? >"Yes Mistress, anything!" Rose:Even a bullet in each ass cheek? >"Good." She moved up and kissed Joy lightly, then held her mouth open >and pushed the nightstick almost down her throat. "Lick it clean," she >ordered. >Joy complied and licked her juices off the baton, desperate for Jenny to >touch her again. "That's right," the officer said, "Make it nice and wet. >It'll make your punishment go easier." Umi:About as easy as a hammer,swung full force at the testicles. >Joy licked eagerly, coating the hard metal of the nightstick with her >saliva. Once Jenny was satisfied that it was wet enough she pulled it >away and stood up. Slowly she Ukyo:Backed away and avoided eye contact. >unzipped her shorts and removed her panties,keeping her uniform top on >simply for lack of patience. She turned around and straddled Joy's chest, >then, with a true cop's voice, ordered "Spread 'em and raise 'em!" Umi:(Jenny)Then bake a cake on them!!!! >Joy did as ordered and spread her legs, then pulled them Ukyo;Into a crap ass satellite,so they could shit themselves MSTing bad lemons. >close to her body, giving explicit Anita:Porn. >view to her private areas. Jenny bent down and licked her >cunt lightly, stopping after a few moments. "Eat me out, >slave, and I will continue," she stated. >"Yes, Mistress!" Joy eagerly replied. She quickly buried her face in >her mistress's pussy, thoughts of her punishment vanished from her mind. >She happily Rose;Immolated herself. >lapped up what was offered to her, barely aware of the pressure at the >entrance to her asshole. She did, however, feel something hard and wet Umi:Ram it's way into her nose. >being inserted violently into her ass. She cried out in >shock and horror as the pain Anita:Made her it's bitch. >engulfed her. Jenny had pushed in the entire length of the baton into her, >stretching her once-virgin ass.Suddenly she felt a tinge of pleasure as >Jenny began licking her again,distracting her from the pain in her ass. Rose:All the yuri in the world won't block the sensation of fatal ass hemorrage..... >"Did I tell you to stop, slave?!" Jenny demanded. Ukyo:(Joy)Does "pause" count,mistress? >Joy noticed she had stopped pleasuring her mistress and quickly rectified >her mistake. Now both women were moaning aloud, in both pain and pleasure, >and Tracey just couldn't take off his goddamn headphones. Anita:Because the flying cum landed on his ears,dried,and was like Super Glue on LSD,effectively meshing the damn things to his skull. >Jenny began fucking Joy with the nightstick and licking her cunt, hearing >mixed reactions from her slave. Joy started thrusting her hips to meet >Jenny's tongue, while ending up with the nightstick being embedded even >deeper inside her, driving her to a state of pure euphoria. Umi:If euphoria is anything like Ecstasy,then Joy is high out of her mind. >Taking a break from all this, a pair of IBI officers entered the clearing. >I'll spare you the naked talk. Ukyo:(sighing)I guess I should be thankful for small favors..... >"This must be them, Skully," Molder muttered. >"Took us long enough to find them," Skully complained. >They headed over to Misty, who was now sandwiched between Charizard >and Ash, and being bumped back and forth onto their cocks. Not even >waiting for Ash to finish in her mouth, Umi:They joined in too. >they pushed him out of the way and poured a little of the red liquid >into Misty's mouth. She swallowed it eagerly, noticing it had the same >flavor as Anita:Cum. >male sex juices. Umi:(to Anita)Damn...you must be clairivoyant...or this shit must be easy to figure out about now..... >Three seconds later, she regained sanity...and realized she was being >fucked by a horny and vicious Charizard. >"HEY, GET THE FUCK OFF ME, YOU SICK ASSHOLE!!!!!" It took her exactly >one second to grab a mallet bigger than Charizard's body and smash him >into the turf, Ukyo:(thoughtfully)She must be Akane Tendo's American cousin. >then another five seconds to ease her rapidly-tightening pussy off his >extra-large member. >Skully administered the cure to Ash next, who started crying when his >dick returned to its regular, preteen size. Next would be Jenny and Joy. >Suddenly, over at Tracey's corner, a Diglett popped its head up in front >of the Nidorans, who were in the process of cuddling. Tracey noticed it >and started making sketches, but the Diglett didn't stay long. It saw >Joy's pussy and smelled the musk in the air, and became randier than a >Ponyta on a mare ranch. It popped its body out of the ground and landed >on two little stick legs, then broke into a dead run for Joy. Imagine >Molder and Skully's surprise when they saw a two-foot tall brown animal >that looked like a dildo with legs run, then jump headfirst into the >vaginal passage of a woman. Yep, they were pretty fucking surprised. Anita:That'll be the first round,long object that I refuse to let enter me..... Ukyo:That sentence you just said was as bad as Dr.T's frozen fruit jokes. Umi:And quite possibly even more disturbing. >Molder was especially shocked. "What the hell...?!" >"Don't ask, Molder," Skully muttered, "Just forget it." >Molder administered the cure to Joy, then to Jenny, but after a few >moments, they just kept on licking and fucking each other. "Why isn't >it working?" Molder asked curiously. Ukyo:(Skully,notices date on the bottle)Fuck...this stuff is expired...... >"They're natural nymphos, you morons," Misty piped in. "I've lived in >Cerulean City all my life, and I've caught 'em in the act at least >seven times." >Ash stared at her. "Did you..." He paused. "Join them?" Umi:(Misty,annoyed)Why the hell else do you think I forced her to the ground and fucked her like a bitch?! >"No!" Misty snapped. Pause. "They tied me up and forced me." >Ash got a weird look on his face, then glanced down and noticed Pikachu >glancing toward his sleeping bag...right where his bottle of lube was. >They stared each other down for a few seconds, and then they both broke >into a dead run, dove for the bottle, and did a little game of tug-of-war >for a minute. Ukyo:How valuable can a minute be? >Ash's larger size made him the winner after a minute, and he went right >into a jacking frenzy. Pikachu, on the other hand, ran back to Marrill and >humped her like it was his last fuck on Earth. Anita:Believe me,with Shadow's dirty mind,it won't be...for a pretty damn long time. >Finally Tracey took his headphones off, heard Jenny and Joy's moaning, >turned around, and screamed out, "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?!" Umi:(yelling)A FUCKED UP LEMON,YOU DUMBASS!!!!!!!!! >Suddenly, from out of the forest, came......a barbershop quartet. Bear >with me, okay? Ukyo:We tried...but you lost us after the title..... >They all lined up in front of Tracey, and the one on >the right handed him a card. "We're here to sing for you," the right >one said, "We'll begin shortly." >Tracey glanced at the card, but it was blank, much like his brain. Then >the quartet started singing. Ukyo:Anyone who smells a Tracey bashing,raise your hands. All:(raise hands) >"*Ooohhhh..... Tracey is an ass, a big fat ass, who really should be >buried in the grass, Tracey is an ass, a stupid ass, of unparalleled >weight and mass...Ohhh, Tracey is an ass, we don't mean to be crass, but >he'll never seduce a single lass, he'll be the target of their sass, >he's such an ass, we'll put him in the grass, gods be damned for making >this stupid fucking AAA--ASSSsss!!!*" Umi:I think I found my next hate mail message.... >"Now wait just a damn minute!" Ukyo:It should be damned if you're allowed to live any longer. >That was all Tracey got to say before each member of the quartet pulled >out machine guns and unloaded a few dozen rounds in his dumbass body. Rose:Not bad....but I would've used an ICBM myself....... >Tracey stumbled back as he began bleeding from a few dozen holes, then >fell to the ground as everything started to go black... Anita:(quizzically)Okay..we witness a crappy lemon and it ends with Tracey's death.Maybe there is hope.... Umi:There's more. Anita;FUCK!!!!!! >"Put the potion in him!" That particular voice was one of the singers, >who was now pouring a nasty-tasting liquid down his throat. Rose;My guess would be sulfuric acid..... >"That'll keep him alive, right?" >"That's what our employer said," another said. >"Great, let's finish this." >His eyes fluttered open, only to see his four attackers standing over >him with their guns pointed at him. All of a sudden they started >shooting again, plugging him repeatedly. They didn't stop till they >were out of ammo, then they started kicking and hitting him with the >butts of their guns, aiming mostly for his head and genitals. Finally >they threw their guns away, and one of them left to get 'something'. >The other three unzipped their pants and whipped their dicks out, and >started urinating on their victim. Umi:I know this is a ripoff of another MST,but that my solution to RM in one long,funny ass,and damned evil paragraph!!!! >"So, who won in the Packers/Cowboys game?" one of them asked. >"The Packers by 32, I think," another answered. Anita:Well,well,Lustidick is gonna be doing ballet over that news. >"Kickass, I won the office pool!" Umi:Which hadn't been cleaned since '78. >Soon they finished emptying their bladders and zipped up, then the guy >who left came back with a bag of salt, and the second of the four left >to get 'something'. The remaining three grabbed big handfuls of salt >and started sprinkling it on Tracey's wounds, again focusing on the >crotch and head areas. Anita:(to Shadow)Damn..he's evil..... >After a few minutes the third and fourth of the >four left, and the second came back driving a large dump truck filled >with wet and moist Tauros shit. The first helped guide the truck into >position, then gave the signal to dump. Before he knew what happened, >Tracey was covered with a five-foot high pile of shit. A good deal of >it seeped into his wounds, and a lot made its way into his mo-uth. Ukyo:Isn't that redundant? After all,if he's nothing more than shit anyway,why bother throwing more on him? >The third and fourth member came back soon, one with a can of gasoline, >and one with...a surprise. The third started splashing gasoline on the >pile of shit, making sure it was all covered and extremely flammable. >Then once his job was done, the fourth struck a match and lit up his >flame thrower. I know, it's excessive, but it's my death scene. Rose:If you really want some overkill,have the others throw napalm at the shit pile. >The fourth singer started lighting up the shit pile, moving all around >it, making sure every part of it was ablaze. Finally they all gathered >around the shit pile, took off their shirts, revealing a message written >on their chests saying "Tracey is an ass!", and started dancing >Riverdance-style around the shit pile, doing another run-thru of the >song given to them. Ukyo:Let me get this straight.He busts his ass to write an excellent Tracey bashing...but he can't be bothered to write a decent fucking lemon.....WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! >(O-kay. Anyone want to guess just *how much* I hate Tracey?) Anita:I'm guessing so much that if you told him he could live,he would be a tentacle monster's private cock slave for life. >"Wow," Ash muttered to himself, watching the blaze intensely. "I wonder >how much you tip for something like that." Rose:You tip'em all right..over a cliff..... >Everyone including Jenny and Joy stared at him like he was a fucking >moron. Ukyo:(snidely)Do you see me arguing? >Suddenly, from out of the forest, came.... Umi:(slowly)An entire forest coming...I think I'm gonna be sick.... >Brock!!! >"Brock!" Misty shouted, "You're back!" Anita:(Ash,hentaishly)Did you and Professor Ivy have "fun"? >"You bet!" Brock shouted back. "I had to see you guys!" Actually, right >then, he noticed Jenny and Joy. "WHOO-HOO!!! It's good to be back!!!" >Then...he noticed the burning pile of shit. "Wha, wha, wha...???" Umi:(Brock)..the HELL are you doing,burning MY fuck buddy!!!!!! >"Don't ask," Molder mumbled. He and Skully turned, walked to the edge >of the trees, grabbed the remote-control looking portal thingy and Anita:Gave himself anal. >opened a portal back to Ukyo:...the Future. >headquarters. >"That..." Brock started, "Was really disturbing." >*** Rose:Warning...crossing this line could get you skullfucked to death..... Ukyo:(Announcer)And that concludes our regularly scheduled shit!!! Tune in next time for the next episode of "Will You Be My Gigolo"!!!! >Somewhere in a dark forest, a man in a doctor's coat and a nurse in a >partially-revealing outfit appeared and looked around for signs of life. Anita:(Lustidick)Strange....that rock appears to be jacking off.... RUU:(start dry heaving) >"Doctor, I don't think there's anyone here," Ms. Jugglesworth said. Anita:(Lustidick)Then why is that dinosaur stroking himself? >"Come now, Ms. Jugglesworth," the doctor replied, "The transporter has >never set us down on uninhabited planets." >They were about to head off to find shelter when a group of eight >children and eight strange-looking creatures walked up to them. >"Hey, who are you?" a kid wearing goggles asked. "Are you humans or >some sort of digimon?" Anita:(Lustidick)I'm Dickimon.Wanna see my "Head Drill" attack? >"Ms. Jugglesworth," Dr. Lustidick started, "I am now very, very >frightened." Ukyo:(laughing)He's terrified of the....DIGIMON characters!!!!!! Umi:(snickering)Hate to be him if he wound up in Monster Rancher.....the shock would fry his ass... >The End All:YAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!!! Dr.T:Isn't Dr.Lustidick great? Anita:Shouldn't you be fucking with Fuy,the gay ass tentacle monster about now? Dr.T:(pissed)Oh haaah haaah....bitch..... (screen clicks off) Anita:A dicky doc..... Rose:A gay ass bastard... Umi:An insane,evil bitch.... Ukyo;And more shitty lemons.... (long ass pause) All:FUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!! **************************************************************************** A LOT later...... **************************************************************************** Umi wakes up.Most of the crew is: A:Drunk or B:Screwing She hears the new crew member start to wake up.She figured that she would make "first contact". She opens the doors,and reacts something like this: Umi:HOW IN THE MOTHERFUCKING HELL ARE YOU AND HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ferio:It's good to see you too,Umi.....where the hell am I,anyway.... Umi:It's a long story..... **************************************************************************** Teasers **************************************************************************** Irvine gets a temporary replacement...... Ferio tells his story....... The lingerie hentai Happosai finally gets what's coming to him..... **************************************************************************** Thanks to ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mom-For inspiration Lady of Genesis-For being such a kind reviewer Shadow-For inspiring me to create Dr.T and Ms.B Me-For writing this And to anyone who enjoyed reading this.....my personal thanks to you. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- So tune in next time for more of..... MYSTERY LEMON THEATER 3000 1/2!!!!!