Mystery Lemon Theater 3000 1/2 "Yuber's Revenge" By Rpgingmaster Rated NC-17 (for language, sexual situations) **************************************************************************** This has a NC-17 rating, which means if you are under 18, you're a prude, or just don't like foul words, sexual content, and general perversity, leave now, because I take no responsibilty for your actions if you ignore this disclaimer. Due to having the constitutional rights of freedom to speech, expression and privacy, any action you take against will be regarded as an attack on my rights, and I will seek legal recourse to prohibit such action. And besides, if you are morally offended by my work, than you shouldn't be foolish enough to read it. Sincerely Rpgingmaster **************************************************************************** IN DIFFERENT PLACES, DOWN FANFIC B.C. THERE WAS A LOT OF PEOPLE, A LOT LIKE YOU OR ME!!!! A VERY EVIL WRITER, STUMBLED CROSS A SA-TELL-ITE, HE WAS PRETTY EVIL, AND WORTHY OF SOME FRIGHT, HE BROUGHT THE PEOPLE, TO HIS TORTURE SET, THEY HAD TO READ BAD LEMONS, THAT WERE WORSE THAN YOU'D EXPECT!!!! (LET US LEAVE,YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!) I SEND'EM CHEESY LEMONS, THE WORST, I CAN FIND! THEY'LL HAVE TO SIT AND READ'EM ALL, AND I'LL MONITOR THEIR MINDS!!!! NOW KEEP IN MIND, THEY CAN'T CONTROL, WHEN THE FICS BEGIN OR END, BUT THEY'LL TRY TO KEEP THEIR SANITY, WITH SOME HELP FROM THEIR FRIENDS!!!! ROLL CALL! Rose! (Why me.....) Umi! (You prick!!!) Steiner! (Bastard...) Irvine! (Lemony!!!!!!!) Valemont! (Fuck....) Shen-du! (...Crap) Ukyo! (Whatever...) IF YOUR WONDERING HOW THEY EAT AND BREATH, AND OTHER SCIENCE FACTS, JUST REPEAT TO YOURSELF, IT'S JUST A FIC, I SHOULD JUST RELAX FOR MYSTERY LEMON THEATER, 3000 1/2!!! (ding!!!!!) ***************************************************************************** Last Time......... On the last episode of DBZ-(WTF!!!!) Mystery Lemon Theater, an insane writer named RM, an evil avatar of the author, captured Steiner, Valemont\Shen-du, Ukyo, Umi, Rose, and Irvine from their respected universes and forced them to read a bad FF7 Lemon, written by the shitbag himself. After surviving the absolutely crappy lemon, they prepared themselves for the next piece of shit that could possibly be sent their way...... Irvine/Anita: (moan in ecstasy) or maybe not...... **************************************************************************** Time:About lunchtime Place:S.O.L. Ecchiprise(Where the hell else did anyone think?!?!?!?!) Before this episode gets any more sordid, let me first tell you about the S.O.L Ecchiprise. It has one central room that has eight chairs and a large Lemon Screen\main viewer(ala Star Trek), and also has the RED ALERT klaxons, also off of Star Trek. To the north is a door leading to a medium sized kitchen, replete with a table that sits eight. To the west is a long corridor with about 8 or 9 bedrooms, and a bathroom at the end, complete with toilet, shower, sink, and a huge cabinet filled with towels, washcloths, soap, and recently, porno mags. To the east is an entertaintment center, replete with X-box, PS2, Gamecube, a 19" inch TV, DVD player, VCR combo, and lots of other goodies. However, the MSTers have now gathered in the kitchen, and now in the process of trying of Ukyo's okonomiyaki..... Steiner: Hmm...not bad......... Valemont: (pleased, in his best Will Smith voice) Damn! Shen-du: For once, I agree with that idiot...... Umi: Okaaaayyyy...not bad.... Rose: It'll do.......as the best last meal I've ever eaten...... Irvine: If good food is like sex....my mouth has been laid!!!!!! (All, sans Ukyo, glare at Irvine) Irvine: (looks innocently) What? Steiner: (annoyed) Is that ALL you think about?!?! Irvine: Pretty much. (long silence) Ukyo: I'm glad you like it. Next, you can all try- (klaxon blares) Valemont: Shit! We've got a lemon!!!!! All: FUUUUCCCKKKK!!!!!! They head to the theater and sit down. (screen comes on) RM: Greetings, lab rats! (mass middle finger) RM: Whatever. Anyway, your lemon should arrive after awhile. But first, I have to upgrade the Ecchiprise. Rose: From what, Windows 95? RM: Just shut up and let me talk, or you will face my wrath.......... (taps on "Oscar Box") Rose:......... RM: (punches a button) Suddenly, a weird techno sound, sorta like a fucked up version of a hard rock concert and a steel factory, is heard. Moments later, an elevator is seen materializing at the south end of the room. They also hear something from the entertainment center. Irvine: What the FUCK was that!!!!!!! Umi: (snidely) Your ass, and a 10' length, working in perfect unison. (All, including RM, laugh their asses off.) RM: For your information, dumbass, I added a basement with a lot of weird shit and a Holodeck in the entertainment center. All:....COOL!!!!!!!! RM: And since you has been such willing lab rats, I am going to reward you all......... (pushes a button) Suddenly, a transporter beams a few weapons into the hands of the prisoners, and a crackling noise is heard in the air, then stops. RM: I have returned your weapons, and I have deactivated the sealing force fields on all of your abilities. However, all S.O.L. devices still have protective shielding. Shen-du:Chikosu!!!!!! (SHIT!!!!!!) RM: I am also sending a new crew member named Anita. She has been given the same info on my experiment, and on all of you. I'll be sending your lemon soon. Have a nice day!!!!!! (screen clicks off) Steiner: Bastard! (jump slashes the screen) Screen: (shoots out electricity) Steiner: (is fried in mid jump) OWWWWW!!!!!!!! Rose: Dammit!!!! We can't even destroy to the satellite to kill ourselves........... Irvine: I agree with her for once. Suddenly, a transporter beam appears and drops off Anita (From Suidoken 2). Anita: (yelling) Why do I have read lemons written by a fucking shiteater and where is that fuck Irvine!!!!!! I wanna get laid, dammit!!!!!!!!!! Irvine: FUCK YEAH!!!!! ^_________________________________________________^ Ukyo: (looks at Irvine) That looks like it hurts.......... Steiner: It unfortunate that we can fry the dung eater's equipment.... Valemont: Just call him a fucking shithead, and quit being a wuss!!!!! Steiner: Fine by me, you assreaming motherfucker!!!!! Irvine\Anita: Ouch........ Umi: (bored) Wanna check out the holodeck? (Lemon sign comes on and klaxon's blare) Shen-du:RM, omae a koruso, kisama!!!! (RM, I will kill you, bitch!!!!) Valemont: (sarcastic) I'm so SURE you'll succeed..... Shen-du: Oh, SHUT up...... (screen comes on) RM:Greetings, lab rats! All: FUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!! RM: Quite. Anyways, your lemon is coming through. Ukyo, Anita, and Rose will be MSTing this one. Have a nice day! Anita: Shitbag...... Irvine: Post Lemon,wanna screw? Anita: HELL YEAH!!!!! Ukyo: Does anyone want some okonomiyaki? All: Sure!!!!! (lemon pops up) >Consolation Ukyo: Hurt\Comfort,right? >A Ranma 1/2 Hurt\Comfort lemon Ukyo: (amazed) Damn...I must be clairivoyant....... >A Ranma\Akane pairing Rose: Aren't you engaged to that guy? Ukyo: (to Ranma) You bastard!!!!!! >Akane had cried for a week Rose: And drowned in her own tears. Anita: Well, well, aren't we morbid today...... >Ranma's mother had died Ukyo: Of embarrasment. >in the blink of an eye Rose:The world exploded!!!! >in a horrible car crash Ukyo: Harry Potter didn't die.... Anita: (Dursley's) DAMMIT!!!!! >She knew Ukyo: Her makeup was running. >that their father's were out Rose: Of their minds. >making funeral arrangements Anita: (Genma\Soun) PLEASE! Bury us too, before we become a part of this shitty lemon!!!! >She knew also that her sisters Rose: Had commited suicide. Ukyo: (annoyed) Are the QUEEN of black humor?!?!?!?! >were also upset Rose: That he was still breathing. >She was gradually getting Anita: Horny. >herself to believe his mother >was gone Ukyo: With the wind. >However,Ranma Anita: Was ready and willing! (grins hentaishly) >was still quite distraught Ukyo: Over the crappy spellchecker. >She decided to talk to him Anita: (Akane) Wanna fuck? >and see if she could could make >him feel better >She slowly entered Anita: Isn't he supposed to "enter"? >his room >He was on his bed >sobbing quietly Ukyo: (Ranma) I'm stuck in a shitty lemon! WAAHHH!!!!! >She taped his shoulder gently Rose: He broke his arm too? >He looked at Anita: This lemon and died of a heart attack. Rose: (peeved) I'M the morbid one!!!!!! >her with sad,red eyes Rose: Which were oozing blood.... Ukyo/Anita: (dry heave) >She then decided Anita: (Akane) Screw foreplay!!! Let's fuck!!! >to give him a big hug Ukyo: Warning: Sappyness is ahead Rose: Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. >He suddenly >broke down in tears Rose: And died of dehydration. >and cried into her shoulder Ukyo: (Akane) That my favorite outfit, you ass!!!!! >She held him for a long time >As he cried,she noticed >the close contact was Rose: Making her flesh crawl. >quite stimulating,as evidenced Anita: A musky scent, emanating from her loins. >by her stiffening breasts >Eventually,his sobbing stopped Rose: Time. >He looked at her in appreciation >She went to give him Ukyo: A kick to the ass.... >a kiss on the cheek Anita: (Akane) Do you EVER wipe? Ukyo\Rose: Eeewwww!!!!!!!!! >Just as she did >he turned,catching her kiss >on his lips >She backed away, Rose: Out a window. >not out of revulsion,but curiousity >They looked into each others eyes >for a long time, Anita: (hypnotist) You are getting very sleepy..... >seeing what the other needed Ukyo: A nice, long, cold shower. >She paused, >but only briefly >She moved to kiss her brother >but found his lips already on hers >They kissed for a long time >caught up in arousal Anita: (Ranma\Akane) Oh crap!!!! We're stuck!!!! >They rubbed against each other's bodies >with a passion >They were still clothed,but they >were sure working up a good body grind Ukyo: And they slowly eroded away........ >Finally, they coulsn't contain themselves Rose: As the spellchecker shot itself. >as the orgasmic flash washed over >their bodies Rose: (Ranma\Akane) SHIT!!! WE'RE BLIND!!!! >They shuddered uncontrollably in >each others arms,waiting for the >weakness to pass >They finally pulled away from >each other,yet were still close Anita: (Akane) You're an innie,and I'm an outie....... >Ranma looked at her,smiled,and >said, >"Thanks for making me feel better" Anita: What man DOESN'T feel better after passionate kissing, and a full body grope? >THE END All: YAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! RM: So, lab rats, whaddya think? Anita: YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!! RM:Well, as I told your other friends, that is only the top of the- (tranporter engages, ala Suidoken, and Yuber steps out) Yuber: (to RM) I usually don't interfere with others, but in your case, I'll make an exception..... Anita: (drooling) You may be an evil bastard....but you're a mad fucking HOT evil bastard!!!!! Rose: (looks at her blade) I bet your "rapier" is more impressive than mine..... Ukyo: You go, sugar, kick RM's hentai ass!!!!!!! Yuber: (holds up a BIG-ass sword) My pleasure...... RM:OH SHIT!!!!!! RM tries to use an instant death spell on Yuber, but Yuber kicks him in the nuts. RM tries to stand up, but Yuber has the sword to RM's throat. Yuber: Listen very carefully, shiteater. You have forced these people to read your lemons for a while now. You think your all that and a bag of chips, huh? Well, that's about to change...... RM: And what if I refuse? Yuber hold up his free hand, which has a Thunder Rune attached, and points it at RM's manhood. Yuber: I will shock your ass so bad, you will peeing sparks and shitting megavolts for the rest of your existence, as well as never having children....... RM: (smirks) Not a bad plan, but I have an escape route!!!!!! (clicks a Star Trek combadge ripoff and disappears) Yuber: Well, at least the little kisama's (SOB) gone. All: (like Jerry Springer) YUBER! YUBER! YUBER! YUBER! Yuber: Now let's see if I can return you guys home...... (checks the control console) Yuber: I have access to everything except the transporter, and I have some bad news...... All: DAMMIT!!!!!! Yuber: It's seems everytime RM sends a lemon, he's re-entering life support passwords as well. Basically, if you don't review lemons, you all die.......but I try to work on it...... All: (stare in shock) Yuber: Oh yeah, ladies. I'm currently dating for now, but I might be available someday...I hope.... (screen clicks off) Anita: A STILL inescapable sattelite....... Rose: Even more shitty lemons...... Ukyo: RM is still breathing....... All: FUUUUCCCCKKKK..... (they think of Yuber) All:....YEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Later........ That night, all through the satellite, as silent as a mouse, the place was quiet, except for Irvine and Anita, fucking each other brains out!!!!!!!!! Teasers......... **************************************************************************** The Ecchiprise crew explore the basement and holodeck....... The crew review a Luc\Nanami lemon...... RM has a message for the crew...... I throw in even more plot and other neato shit!!!!!! **************************************************************************** Thanks to Mom-For inspiration Lady of Genesis-For being such a kind reviewer Me-For writing this **************************************************************************** So,tune in next time for more of..... MYSTERY LEMON THEATER 3000 1/2!!!!!!!!!!!!