Author's note- This one is an interesting case. I found it not on FF.net, or on that little pink and purple dump called Shoujoai, but I found it on a Ranma lemon archive. Though it was supposedly a parody, it sure didn't make me laugh that much. Anyway, this fic was written by Rann Aridorn. I didn't get permission to borrow it, and by now, we've all figured out that I could care less. Previously- Joe was liberated from the theater. However, in exchange for the jedi, Claire had to return. Then she and others had to sit through a god awful Yu-Gi-Oh fic. What awaits the MST crew? Will Burn-it be able to fix the machine he built? Will Blackheart actually show Burn-it some respect? Well, the last one doesn't seem very likely, but you'll have to find out! (The scene is Shang Tsung's castle. Eric Bischoff is on the phone while a shadowy figure looms in the background.) Bischoff- Fuck you! What? Fuck me? Hell no, FUCK YOU! Yeah, you! The fucking idiot! Fuck yourself! (He hangs up as Quan Chi walks in.) Quan- Who was that? Bischoff- Some idiot named Spoony Love. I never heard of him. Quan- Oh. Er? Okay. Look, we need a new fic. Figure- What? Quan- We need a horrible fic. Figure- What? Quan- WILL YOU SHUT UP! Who the hell is that anyway? Bischoff- Oh, that's just Steve Austin. Sadly, Linda McMahon signed a contract saying we have to be in the same room at all times or else I get fired. Austin- What? Bischoff- WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR WHATS ALREADY? Austin- No seriously, I can't hear a word you're saying. Bischoff- Oh. WELL, IT?S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! (Shang walks into the room.) Quan- Shang, my man. Have you found a fic? Shang with a laugh- Oh yeah. This one's exceptionally bad. Quan- And our little puppets? Shang- I can't decide on the fourth, but I think the blonde, the lesbian, and Beardo are worth torturing. Quan- Bah. I've been meaning to replace Beardo. Shang- We'll do it later. Right now, we got a crew to torment. Austin- What? Shang- I said we have a crew to torment. Austin- What? Shang- People to make suffer. Austin- What? Shang- WILL YOU SHUT UP! Bischoff, how long does your forced alliance last? Bischoff- I have no clue. Austin- What? Bischoff- No idea. Austin- What? Bischoff- GOD DAMN IT, SHUT UP! Quan- This man could prove to be incredibly annoying. Shang- We'll deall with him later. Quan, get the theater ready. Quan- Damn it, why do I always have to set up the theater? I do all the work around here, you round up new victoms, and Bischoff sits on his ass and talks on that remote dealy! Bischoff- It's called a cell phone dumb-ass. Shang- Fine. Bischoff, you choose the lab rats. (The scene is the theater. Donte and the Rock are in the game room playing blackjack, Mai?s in the living room watching TV, Claire?s flurting with Mai, and Suzaku?) Mai- A little to the left. More. More. A little more. Suzaku- This is absolute bullshit! A demon with my unbelievable power is reduced to being a human antanna! Mai- Hey, it?s not my fault SOMEONE threw a thunderbolt at the Rock, and shorted out the antanna. Claire- Uh? Actually, you were the one who suggested electrocuting? (Mai puts a hand over Claire?s mouth.) Mai- As I was saying before Red here interrupted, you screwed yourself; therefore, you have? Voice- Greetings. (Suzaku falls off the TV while Mai and Claire simply look surprised to see not Quan Chi, not Shang Tsung, but Eric Bischoff on the TV.) Mai- Hey, I know you. You?re Eric? Bischoff- Yeah yeah, look, we can make introductions later. Right now, I?m told to send a specific group of people to the theater. Let?s see. You, the red-head, and that freak with the blonde hair. Suzaku- How dare you insult the leader of the saint beasts in such a manner. STORM OF?! Mai- SUZAKU! DOWN BOY! (Donte walks in.) Bischoff- Ah yes. Beardo will be joining you too. Donte- We have names you know. Bischoff- And I?m supposed to care, right? NOW GET IN THE GOD DAMN THEATER! 6. (A soul is sucked into Peggasus?s millennium eye. 5. Cardcaptor Sakura getting Harpooned by Predator. 4. Jay and Silent Bob Smoking a dooby . 3. Sailor Jupiter French kissing Sailor Mars 2. Kuwabara pole vaulting and knocking Byakko into a pit of lava 1. Stone Cold Steve Austin Giving everyone the bird Suzaku- This better not be another Cardcaptor fic. Mai- Does it really matter what type of fic it is. It?s going to end up either awful, or totally disturbing. Claire- Or both. Diary of a Nerima Slut By Rann Aridorn Claire- Oh boy, I don?t like where this one?s going. Warnings: Gangbang, F/M, F/F, BDSM, incest, public, voyeurism, beastiality ,promiscuous, underage, squick, OOC Donte- Zoophilia? Suzaku- Crucifixion? Mai- N-SYNC? Claire- And a partridge in a pair tree! Comments: It was very late. I couldn't sleep. I'd spent the evening browsing online erotic fiction, which ranged from arousing to hilariously ridiculous to just plain bad. Donte- So I thought, ?Why not? I?ll write one of my own, forget to spellcheck it, and embarrass myself by showing it to everyone I know. Anyway, I suddenly thought of all those slutgirl stories, and the way some anime fanfic writers cast have the characters cast off any sense of propriety, morals, or their actual character. Mai- And I bet you did the exact same thing. Thus, this parody. And Akane supporters, remember... it's a parody. ^_^ Claire- Akane? That name sounds awfully familiar. Hey, if you're reading this... get out of my journal! Donte- Trust me, we aren?t doing this by our own free will. You're probably supposed to be having sex with me instead. Claire- WHAH?! Suzaku- I wouldn?t have sex with a human if my life depended on it, BITCH! My name is Akane Tendo? Claire- Oh shit, that?s my girlfriend?s little sister! Suzaku- You?re dating Nabiki? Claire- No, the other Tendo. Suzaku- Kasumi? Why the hell would you want to date Kasumi? SHE?S BORING! Claire- If you didn?t throw thunderbolts, I?d kick your ass right now. ?And when I was a little girl, I promised myself? Suzaku- I would commit suicide when I become an adult! ?That when I turned fifteen, I would become the absolutely biggest slut that I possibly could! Claire- YOU SICK BASTARD! Suzaku- I didn?t say anything yet. Claire- No, the other sick bastard. Oh, sure, it's not exactly a typical goal for young girls, but hey, if you don't like it, fuck you! Or better yet, fuck me. Yup. Definitely that second one! Donte- No, I prefer women my age. Mai- And I?m not into women. Claire- Plus Kasumi would have a fit if she caught me with my fingers up your cunt. Suzaku- I?d rather kill you. I'd already set my sights on these two guys in my class, Hiroshi and Daisuke, for the whole year previous to my fifteenth birthday. Oh, sure, they weren't exactly the best-looking or the brightest or best in the school? Mai- That?s what a lot of boys are like. Claire- Probably another fine reason I went lesbian. ?But I knew that they'd do just what I wanted? Donte- Sing the itsy bitsy spider song while tap dancing. Suzaku- Then kill themselves afterward! ?Treat me like a thing to be used and tossed aside after they'd gotten off in me. Donte- Woops, there goes gravity. Woops, there goes reality? Mai- Woops, there goes virginity. Woops, there goes sanity. They were just that sort of guys. Claire- Yes, and this isn?t my kind of fics either. I invited them to my fifteenth birthday party, along with all the girls from my class. Mai- So I fucked the girls right afterward. Claire- I?d probably enjoy that a little more if my girlfriend?s sister weren?t in this fic. Of course, I was already well into my whole 'I hate boys!' thing, Mai- Not to mention my replace quotes with apostrophes thing that tells people I haven?t a clue what a shift key was. Suzaku- So I fucked them anyway, even though they thought I was a dyke. ?So when they got there, I got all the girls to really start bugging them! Name-calling, teasing, sneering, cold shoulders, everything, and the whole time, I made it pretty clear that I was the one egging all of 'em on. Suzaku- And then, I fucked them, giving all the girls a shock. Donte- Then they all joined in and my party became an orgy. When the party was over, I told them I wanted to take them up to my room and tell them just why they shouldn't have been so stupid as to accept a perfectly legitimate invitation. You would not BELIEVE how hard those two fucked me! I mean, they seem like pretty wimpy guys, but all that teasing and humiliation had really gotten them pissed off at me, and they took it out on me with their? Suzaku- Fists! And as I lay there, bleeding on the mattress, one of them? (Claire smacks Suzaku.) cocks. At first they took turns, in plain old missionary style the first two times, each of 'em acting like they were trying to use their cocks to nail me to my bed. Mai- Then they took hammers and nails, and considered literally nailing my arms and legs to the bed? Donte- But then they remembered it was just a metaphor. Then Hiroshi slapped my breasts around and ordered me to get up on hands and knees, which I did, of course, all the while sniffling and whimpering and doing the poor raped girl routine (guys love it when I do that one, though my reputation mean it isn't called for much anymore). Claire- This is just sick. Mai- You should be proud. Your girlfriend?s little sister?s a porn star. Suzaku- Not to mention a slut. Claire- I don?t know whether to smack you both, or vomit. He grabbed my hair and rode me? Donte- Till he ran out of quarters. ?Doggy style like his life depended on me, and? Suzaku- I let him down, and laughed at him as he fell into the abyss! Claire- Is your sense of humor always this morbid? ?Damned if I don't miss my long hair, because I loved it when guys would do that! Daisuke got in on the act and fucked my mouth, and? Suzaku- I bit his dick off! Mai- Ew! ?After awhile they switched, then switched again. These guys were acting like I was their? Mai- Bitch? Donte- Blow up doll? Suzaku- Slave? ?First and last fuck ever! Since I haven't done them since, it probably was. Mai with a laugh- Hey, that was pretty good! Of course, before it was done, they wanted to fuck both my pussy and ass, but I wouldn't let them? Donte- Despite the fact I went completely out of character, and became a total slut for some freak?s amusement. ?And instead they wound up double-stuffing my pussy. Mai- Er? Is that even possible? Claire- You?re asking the wrong person. Now, of course, these were my first two guys, but I'd been working my pussy pretty much since I was ten. Donte- Sheesh, Randal didn?t even figure out how to masterbate till he was in ninth grade. Still, they stretched me out? Suzaku- And tore me apart as a result! ?Really nicely, and there are still only a few things I love more than having two cocks in one hole. Mai- Cheese? Suzaku- Sadomasochism? Donte- Puppets? Now, you may be asking yourself? Claire- Why the hell did I ever agree to come back here? Suzaku- Do you die at the end of this fic? Donte- Have you ever had sex with a puppet? Mai- What is Don?te?s sudden obsession with Puppets? 'But, Akane, if you'd vowed to be the biggest slut you could, why no anal sex?' Donte- Apparently, even the biggest sluts have their limits. Well, I'm getting to that! So just shut up and I'll get to it as soon as I get back from giving Sasuke his weekly hand job in return for his silence as to... well, I'll get to that later, too. Claire- I?m surprised she didn?t give that guy her ass. Anyway, that was the year I also started getting all A's in my classes. Suzaku- Probably because I threatened my teachers with a dildo or nipple clamps. Oh sure, the world can go on and on about the intensity and focus of the Japanese school system, but I dare you to find a straight man that won't exchange better grades for great blowjobs. Mai- Well, I kind of wonder about Peggasus. I remember one time I was blowing my homeroom teacher in his classroom between periods, and class restarted. Claire- Oh my god, don?t tell me? I had to stay there under his desk the entire class, most of it with his cock stuffed all the way in my mouth. Claire- Whew! I thought she?d be giving everyone in the class BJs. Of course, the same thing has happened on occassion with Hinako-sensei, but it's so much easier for your tongue to get tired when you're giving a female head than a guy. Claire- Well, I guess that much is true. I never gave a guy a BJ, but? Mai- Ew! Now YOU?RE grossing me out! So, anyway, I had set my sights on the one male that might screw things up for me if he found out about my vow, so certainly, I had to secure HIS silence with my sexual wiles. That man being? Donte- George W. Bush? Mai- The Emperor of Japan? Suzaku- Lucifer? Claire- I?m too grossed out to ask. my father, of course. Claire- Oh tell me I did not just hear that! Suzaku- You heard it. Claire- I said DON?T tell me! Suzaku- Oh. Oops. It was pretty easy, all in all. I walked in on him while he was rinsing for the bath, and he blushed and stammered and said I shouldn't be in there. I just smiled sweetly, and without a word dropped to my knees and? Suzaku- Pulled out a knife, and gutted him like a fish! blew him. Just like that. Now, if you know my dad, you know he's pretty spineless, always whining and crying and giving in under any pressure, so you'd probably figure me going down on him would utterly freak him out. Claire- Something tells me my theory is right. Nope. Claire- Yip, I was right. He sat there in shock for a minute or so, then grabbed my head and? Suzaku- forced me off his dick, took the knife I was hiding behind my back, and stabbed me! (laughs maniacally.) ?Started really fucking my face, moaning and growling about his sweet Akane-chan, how I'd made him so happy, how my cocksucking skills would have made my mother proud. Huh. Who'd've thunk, ne? Donte- Cock sucking is two words you dumb-ass. Mai- That is so trailor park, it?s not even funny! Anyway, for the rest of the day, I shared my parents' wedding bed with him, and he worked me over 'til my head spun. (Suzaku bursts out laughing, but not in his usual maniacal fashion.) Claire- That isn?t funny you fucking weirdo! He must have been saving up ever since mom died? Donte- Because he actually bought me a pony! Suzaku- (Trying not to laugh.) Then I gave him a blow job too! (Bursts out laughing.) ?Because when he finally passed out asleep in the wee hours of the morning, I don't think there was a part of me inside or out that wasn't coated in cum. Yup, that's right, I'd been saving my anal virginity for my dear daddy. Claire- Oh god, I?m going to be sick. To this day, that's still his favorite, he hardly ever even touches my pussy. Often enough at night he'll come stealing into my room, and I'll obligingly roll over and lay flat on my stomach while he pulls down my pajama bottoms just enough to bare my cute little rear, and he'll wail away at my asshole with his cock, moaning and groaning with pleasure over fucking his youngest daughter. Suzaku- (Still laughing.) Ah man, I love this fic! Claire and Mai- You would. Of course, Kasumi could definitely have created problems as well, but I took care of her almost as easily. Claire- You wouldn?t dare! Sure, to everyone else she seems like the sweetest woman in the world. But once she's got you behind closed doors, she becomes? Donte- Wonder woman! ?Frau Uberbitch. Mai- Who the hell is that? I guess she really took that whole thing about being a surrogate mom to me and Nabiki seriously, because she'd never pass up on a chance to give us the worst spanking she could. Or maybe she just likes smacking her sisters' cute asses. Mai- Hey Red, your girlfriend?s a porno star! (Dead silence.) Mai- Hello? Red? You fall asleep? Either way, that was my ticket. All it took was some little 'accident', and I got yanked off to her room for my punishment. She must've been feeling in a particularly annoyed mood that day, because she barely took the time to yank my panties down before she started wailing away with her bare hand. Mai- Hell, I?d smack her right across the face if she were really like that. But this time, I did the appropriate crying and whining before shifting to moaning and gasping, arching back into the spanks like I was having the time of my life (when it was really only the second or third best time of my life at that point, I'd say). That seemed to surprise her. Then she got this absolute most EVIL look on her face, and got out the paddle. Suzaku- (Laughs even harder.) You know, you humans are a lot more amusing than I thought! Mai- Glad to know someone?s having fun. I think Red just went into shock. (Mai waves a hand in Claire?s face, and snaps a finger, but she doesn?t so much as twitch.) Sure, I couldn't sit comfortably for over a week, and I have to call her My Goddess Kasumi-sama when we're alone, but I'd say it's definitely worth it. You know that whole contest thing where Kuno said anyone who can defeat me can 'date' me? My idea. Yup, completely! Proposed to him one night while I was laying on my back with my legs spread like an honorable Japanese woman? Donte- Prostatution isn?t honorable you dumb bitch! ?So he could pump? Mai- Some gas into my car like a good gas jocky. ?Into me. Despite the whole samurai schtick, Tachi's little fetish is voyeurism. So, I proposed this idea to him, and he ran with it. Every other day or so, I'd let a few of the boys win, and what would ensue would be a gangbang right there in the middle of the school courtyard. Suzaku- Then the principal would burst in, and complain about my dishonorable ways to my daddy, but then he?d fuck me right in front of? Mai- Dude, shut up! I really got off on everyone watching cocks pumping between my lips, into my pussy and ass, between my breasts. And of course me proclaiming myself as a total man-hater only made 'em? Donte- Give up, go home, and play pocket pool. ?Fuck me harder. I really did learn a lot that year. For one thing, I learned that with careful positioning, I can take care of six guys at once. Mai- Let?s see. Mouth, ass, cunt, between the tits? Uh? I can only think of four. Suzaku- I think the other two? Mai- If what you have to say involves necrophilia, shut up! I tried eight one time, but I just wound up kicking them someplace I was trying to do nice things to. The principal, once he returned, heard about all this, and called me to his office. Suzaku- He fucked me too! You're not gonna believe this, but he had his cock surgically altered to look like a frigging PALM TREE! Donte- Palm tree? Mai- You?d have to see the series. Just like the one on his head. Weird, but I'm willing to bet that there's not another sensation like it on this planet. Suzaku- You haven?t been to Maze Castle yet, baby! He also has his office better outfitted for S&M than Kasumi's room. Of course, Nabiki charges me when I want to do her. But trust me on this... Suzaku- Daddy ends up giving me the money to pay for it, so I have to let him fuck me all over again! Donte and Mai- SHUT UP! I get what I pay for. And that's all I'll say on that matter. Oh, alright, I'll explain the Sasuke thing. Like I said, Kuno's deal is voyeurism. So one night, he promises me he'll do anything for me if I'll do his sister while he's watching. I'm not gonna pass up an offer like THAT. So, I had him do the one thing Kodachi would never expect: HE drugged HER. Mai- Okay, I?m starting to see why Red isn?t talking anymore. Suzaku- Ah, get a sense of humor! Mai- If I had your sense of humor, I?d be in prison on ten counts of child molestation. Anyway, while she was out, I tied her up and blindfolded her. Now, you'd assume that Kodachi, being Kodachi, would be a total dominatrix, right? Well, if she was, she didn't show it that night. She begged, she pleaded, she came on demand. However, since she also swore that she'd dump my body where they'd never find it if she found out who it was doing all that stuff to her, I decided against a repeat performance. Mai- What?s this? A slut refuses to fuck? Donte- Like I said earlier. Even the biggest sluts have limits. Anyway, the thing with Sasuke is, he saw the whole thing, too. Of course, he just whacked off like Kuno was doing, but he's also blackmailed me into giving him a weekly jerkoff as payment. Eh. I'd probably do it anyway. Suzaku- In fact, I would do it daily if possible. I do love the feeling of cum spurting on my fingers. Or anywhere else on my body. Of course, I had to change all that when Ranma arrived. Damn the man! He really would have freaked if he learned his new iinazuke was the town bicycle, and who knows what such a weird guy might do? I mean, yeah, I'm an utter whore, but there're some things that're just a little too weird. Donte- Like the moron who thinks this is funny. Suzaku- What did you call me?! Donte- No, the other moron who thinks this is funny. Suzaku- Oh. Hey, wait a minute. Sometimes I wonder if my sisters fobbed me off on him to try and curb some of my "appetite"... like they weren't both enjoying said appetite. Bitches. Mai- Hey, you have no room to talk you hor! However, along with Ranma came his father, Genma, and of course daddy was only too eager to share his slutty little daughter with his best friend. Their favorite thing to do is double-stuff my ass, pumping both their cocks into my tight little rear hole, and if you don't think that's MY favorite thing to do, too, you haven't been paying attention! Uncle Genma, like daddy, seems near-inexhaustible, and I ended another night completely bathed in cum; Aunt Nodoka must not have given it up very often when Uncle Genma was at home. Suzaku- She?s a regular Elizabeth Bathory. Donte- The sixteenth century Hungarian countess who murdered virgins and made them bleed into a pool for her to bathe in? Suzaku- Yes, except I imagine she just has a bunch of horny teenagers jack off in her pool. Also, a bit after Ranma, came Ryoga... not that Ranma ever came with me, like I said, that's a bit too weird even for me. But Ryoga, hoo boy! He wandered into my room one night while I was REALLY horny (daddy and Uncle Genma were? Mai- Fucking each other! (dead silence.) Mai- What? Knowing this guy? Okay, I?ll shut up. ?As the songs says, "too drunk to fuck") and masturbating all on my lonesome. The second he walked in the door, I pounced him, yanked his pants down, and? Donte- Punched him in the groin! ?Ssucked him off for about a half an hour. Afterwards, Donte- Hey, I was close. Mai- How? Donte- It involved his groin. He just wandered off in a kind of daze. He tends to get dazed like that whenever he sees me now. I wonder what he'd act like if I'd actually gotten him to fuck me...? Suzaku- I don?t know, but you?d probably have cum in your eye. Speaking of people going into dazes, Tofu-sensei's pretty easy to explain. He'd come over for some scratches I had (Yuka always rakes me with her nails when I find her g-spot, which always gets Sayuri so turned-on she cums right then), and stuck around to talk with daddy. Who knows why he came upstairs, but he walked right in on me and Kasumi, me bent over and up on tiptoes from my bound wrists being chained to the ceiling and my sister in full dom gear fucking my ass with a big black strapon. Mai- Is strap-on supposed to be one word? Suzaku- Hell if I know. I'm guessing Ono's tastes aren't exactly typical, since it's my sister he goes goofy for. Figures. Still, his mom was really great, bending me over her husband's shrine and giving me a thorough finger-fucking with those big hands. Suzaku- Okay, this is getting borring. Donte- Damn, you finally got borred! Ah, and then there's the Golden Pair, and what a pair they are. Mai- Yeah, a pair of dumb-asses. It's true Mikado never managed to kiss me, but he can console himself with the fact that he did get to make all three of my holes sloppy with his cum. If I wasn't so turned on by being cum in and on, he'd've never satisfied me, as Mr. Smooth is a premature ejaculator. The upside being that he cums GALLONS. So I was a happy little cumslut. And sweet little Azusa, as you might expect, is a wildcat in the sack, shrieking and clawing and talking dirty, slapping and biting and all that fun stuff. If I thought Yuka scratched me up, she may as well have been wearing rubber gloves compared to Azusa. The only annoying part was after, when she'd roll me over and give each individual scratch a french name. Suzaku- Let?s see, what sort of sex have we not covered yet? Mai- Straight, oral, anal, between the breasts, lesbian sex, incest, pedophilia, sadomasochism, double penetration, gang bang? Donte- I lost count after Claire apparently went vegetable on us. (nudges Claire.) Hey, wake up! And, of course, eventually Happosai showed up, too. Of course, I immediately wrote him off as WAY too old to get it up anymore. Boy, was I ever wrong. He snuck into my bedroom one night and yanked off my pajama bottoms to get at my panties. Even though I pretended to be asleep, having my PJ pants ripped off so suddenly had me immediately drenched. That little old pervert noticed, and instead of stealing my panties, he? Suzaku- masterbated! Mai- Nah, we covered that one already. ?Pushed them aside and whipped out his FOOT AND A HALF LONG COCK! Donte- Can you say implant? No kidding, that shriveled freak had eighteen inches of virile meat, and he pumped them into me all the night long like I was hollow. He can only get it up once a month? Mai- Wish I had that kind of monthly visitor. ?Or so, but hot damn, that's a time of the month to look forward to! I just realized, if I try and give details on every freak that's showed up because of Ranma being around, I'll be writing forever, and I've got more important long things to wrap my hand around than a pencil. So let's be a bit quicker: Donte- Sheesh, how many more freaks could possibly be in this series? Gosunkugi, the weird little freak, taught me tantric sex. Mousse fucked my pussy for two hours all the while shouting "Oh, Shampoo!" Donte- I guess he was too used to masterbating in a shampoo bottle. Cologne........ okay, I was very drunk. Luckily drunk enough I hardly remember any of it. Even I don't have an excuse for that one. Sentaro tried me out to see if I really would make a good bride. His grandma watched, supervised, and eventually put me to her own tests. Yes, she did use the tea set. Mai- Grandma? Donte- Tea set? Satsuki punished me for trying to "steal" her intended. Yes, the monkey got a piece of me, too. Tsubasa hiked up his skirts and fucked me from behind while I leaned on a wall. We've since had a lot of fun with his various disguises and *ahem* outfits. I seduced Shampoo's little sisters Linlin and Ranran into providing me some double trouble. Donte- Should?ve settled for scrabble. Suzaku- PUSSY! Five plus triple letter score means I get a finger in me! I bet the Gambler King certain favors and lost. Oh well. He turned out not to have much of an ace up his sleeve. Niku, An, Karee, and Piza, the little dumpling-headed guys, turned out to have cocks almost as big as Happosai's. Suzaku- And they too only errected once a month. Mai- Like I said, I could use a monthly visitor like that. The baka-neko could make SOME parts of him solid. And boy were they big parts and VERY solid. I showed Yotaro that there were plenty of fun things to do inside. Then I seduced his mom into doing them with him. I love encouraging family bonding. (Dead silence.) Yes, Picolette's tongue and mouth really are as good in bed as you can imagine. The same goes for Madame Saint-Paul. Sacre bleu, but two at once was something special! I did venture to the cursed side for Pansuto Tarou. Of course, since in his monster form his cock's about half as big as I am, I rode it in a different way than usual. In human form, he fit in me, but he was still damn big. And damn good. Harumaki wandered into my dreams once, and? Suzaku- Realized it was a nightmare! ?Relived his THIRD date with Gyoko-san. Mariko is as acrobatic as you'd think. Only problem is that she insists on cheerleading certain things that I can do just fine without the rhyming encouragement. It took me a long time of working on it, but I eventually got Aunty Nodoka to walk on the wild side. She "taught me to be feminine" by planting the blade of her katana in her back yard and having me ride the handle for an entire afternoon. The woman's a sadist. An upshot of marrying Ranma will be having her in the family. Mai- I don?t think we have that one on the list. Kirin supervised the Seven Lucky Gods in fucking me thoroughly before he took his turn; the mighty prince enjoys sloppy seconds, seems. (As a side note... I REALLY love fucking twins!) Donte- Note, we could care less! Toma and me had more time in those little catacombs than Ranma thinks. I love taking a young boy's cherry. Especially this arrogant little snot's. Mint and Lime got their fill of "boobies". I gave Mint a superfast titfuck while Lime was fucking me hard enough that I thought he was gonna cause an earthquake. Once Herb heard them praise me, he had to try me out. Made me seriously reconsider my boycott on Ranma. Like I said earlier, I love screwing virgins, and with Shinnosuke, it's like taking his virginity every time. Well, Ryuu was pretending to be Ranma, after all, and I wouldn't want to be an inattentive iinazuke, would I? And, just to prove what an utter slut I am, I came upon Shirokuro and Arumajiro-kun mating near Kuno's place, and took it upon myself to become their, ahem, "middle-man". A dog's knot swelling up in your cum-filled asshole is just another one of those things you have to experience for yourself to believe. Kodachi's pet alligator Midorigame... again, VERY drunk. I think that's just about everyone. If I've had any more memorable encounters, they've been bounced out of my head by one too many facefucks. Donte- If there are any, we won?t be here to read them. (Mai, Donte, and Suzaku bolt out of the theater.) (The scene is the living room. We see the Rock on the couch, playing the guitar, and making up words as he goes.) Rock- (singing blues.) The Rock is sitting in a theater in space. Watching morons cum on another?s face. The Rock will still hang out, still show class. But if he sees Bischoff, he?ll kick his candy ass because he?s the people?s champ. Yeah yeah, he?s the people?s champ. There?s no doubt in the people?s mind that the Rock? (Everyone except Claire walks into the living room.) Donte- God damn that was awful! Rock- What, the Rock?s singing ain?t that bad, is it? Suzaku- Yes, but that?s beside the point. Just be glad you somehow managed to get out of that one. Rock- The Rock?s eyes might be playing tricks on the Rock, but the Rock says he could?ve sworn there was another one who went with you. (Dead silence, then?) Mai- Oh my god, we left Red in the theater! Donte- And it won?t open back up until the next fic! Mai- Ah man, this is not cool. It could be weeks before the theater opens! She could starve! Suzaku- Good. One less human to worry about. Everyone- SHUT UP! To Be Continued