*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON TWO) EPISODE 17: CALIFORNIA DREAMING (A ??? Lemon Fanfic) MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, series, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering my own ass here folks.... "California Dreaming" is the property of Shakari and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend this person for making fun of his/her work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;) Warning: This fic contains mature content and lemon content. If you are offended by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not, enjoy! (Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....) It's the not-too-distant future, Last Sunday BC There was this guy named Joel Not so different from you or me He worked at Gizmonic Institute Just another guy in a red jumpsuit He did a great job cleaning up the place, But his bosses really hate him So they shot him into space!!!! Joel: (OH....MY....GODDESS!!!) Crow and Tom: (IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!) (Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout) We'll send him crappy fanfics The worst we can find (lalala) He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala) (Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.) Now keep in mind Joel can't control When the fanfics begin or end (lalala) Because he used those special parts To make his robot friends; ROBOT ROLL CALL: CAMBOT: 'Text only'? Gypsy: 'Oh, my!' Tom Servo: 'Sweet-o!' CROOOOOOOW!!! 'I'm not a hentai!' If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes And other science facts (lalala) Then repeat to yourself *It's just a MiST* You should really just relax for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!! * * * THE THEATER 15:00 HOURS Tom: ARRRRRRRGHHH!!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS STUPID INEPT EXCUSE FOR A FANFIC ANY MORE!!! IT SUCKS!!! IT MAKE NO SENSE!!! I....I THINK I'M GOING TO....ARRRRRRRRGGHHHH!!!! (And with that, Tom levitates out of his seat and head explodes with a flash of pyrotechnics and a shower of sparks. Suddenly, Tom's body drops to the floor like a stone. Joel and Crow stare at him for a moment, speechless. Then Joel rises from his seat and examines Tom, who is motionless.... Joel: Oh no! I think he's really hurt this time! We have to get out of here! Crow: But the fanfic isn't.... Joel: THE HELL WITH THE FANFIC!!! (Joel gathered Tom in his arms and sprinted towards the theater doors. Finding them closed, he gave himself a running start and then smashed his way through them all. Then, just as the last door gave way....) * * * Joel stared at his surroundings, his head turning rapidly back and forth. One second he was in the theater and the next he was standing in the middle of what appeared to be either a post-apocalyptic Los Angles or modern day Detroit. "How did I....???" Joel stammered, unable to do much else.... Then he heard it. The low squeals of a pig. It soon grew louder and Joel suddenly found himself surrounded by pig cops armed with shotguns. Suddenly the loud familiar voice of Dr. Forrester boomed over the speakers.... "Hold it right there, smartboy! I *knew* you'd try something like this eventually! So I installed a hidden teleporter underneath the last door that activates if you try to leave the theater early and sends you to the holocabana, at the same time activating this program to detain you! It was going to be my invention exchange for next week but I guess it can't be helped now...." "Busted...." Crow muttered under his breath. "Now you march right out of there and get back in the theater or my bacon boys will fry you like a pork sausage!" The voice of Dr. Forrester threatened. "But Tom needs our help! Just give me a few minutes to fix him!" Joel pleaded desperately. "No dice, Joel! Get back in the theater right now or suffer the consequences!" Dr. Forrester replied in a smug tone of voice. "No! I'm not going to let him die!" Joel shouted as he looked down at the still form of Tom Servo, knowing there wasn't much time left to save him. Dr. Forrester's voice was mad, triumphant as he replied. "THEN YOU DIE, JOEL...." Joel screamed as the pavement he stood on suddenly disappeared and he found himself falling into a black abyss.... * * * "Mulder?" Joel blinked in surprise as he found himself face to face with Dana Scully from the X-Files. They were both standing in a dimly lit hallway and to Joel's surprise, he had his arms around her. Tears shimmered in Scully's eyes as she seemed to be expecting him to do something. "What's....What's going on here?!?" Joel stammered. Scully seemed to snap out of a trance at that moment. Her face flushed as she quickly stepped away from his grasp. There was a long awkward silence as Joel tried to think of something to say. Then Scully took a deep breath and stepped back towards him, throwing her arms around his neck and her lips colliding against his own. Joel's mind was in turmoil as he stood frozen by her kiss. Then just as quickly, she released him, looking relieved and somewhat embarrassed. "I got you that time," she said with a light smile. Joel simply nodded, at a loss for words. Suddenly there was a loud shrieking sound. Joel whirled around just in time to see an alien drone emerge from the wall, looking less than thrilled with its surroundings. Joel was about to shout a warning to Scully when he noticed she had vanished. Before he could try to make sense of what was happening, The Alien charged towards him, its murderous intentions clear. Joel bolted down the hallway toward an open window at the far end. The Alien had almost caught up with him when Joel made a suicide dive through it.... * * * Joel blinked at his new surroundings. He was in a quiet little town that looked like something from Octoberfest. He did a double take as he recognized the two men sitting on the steps in front of him as Dr. Forrester and, looking even more out of it than usual, T.V's Frank. "Welcome to our town." Dr. Forrester said in a friendly voice. "You're lucky to have made it down from the mountains before the snow blocked the pass again. I understand it's gotten pretty dangerous outside of town. A lot of the monsters have been trapped in the valley because of the late snow. With them and the Brigands, we certainly could use a hero around here." "Monsters in the Mountains? What the heck are you talking about? Where the hell am I?" Joel exclaimed in exasperation. Then he looked down at himself and noticed his green jumpsuit had been replaced by purple pants and a blue shirt with leather chainmail underneath. For a moment, Joel wondered if he had stumbled onto a renaissance festival. Then the familiar scream of Crow was heard as he ran through the front gate, screaming "CHEETAUR!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" Joel barely had a chance to glimpse at a blue panther with a human torso before it crashed into him full force, knocking the wind out of him.... * * * "Uhhhh....What now?" Joel tried to shake off the cobwebs as he opened his eyes. He tried to get up but his legs seems to be extremely shaky for some reason. As Joel struggled to make sense of it all, he became aware of someone else in the room. The figure was blurry as he stuck his arms out to reveal a black robe with red hands imprinted on them. "ARISE, TORGO....." The figure spoke. "TOrgO?!?" Joel stammered before realizing he was nervous. "hEy! WhaT's gOInG oN hErE?! wHY Am I TALkinG lIKe tHIs?!? WhAt tHe HeLL hAPpeNEd tO mY kNEeS?!?" "YOU HAVE FAILED US, TORGO. FOR THIS, YOU MUST DIE." Joel desperately tried to stand up, to run away, but his huge knees made it next to impossible. As the figure slowly walked towards him, Joel found himself crying out. "ToM! CrOw! gyPsY! HeLP mE!!" "Joel?" A faint voice answered. "HeLp mE!!!" * * * "Hey, Joel! Wake up! You're having a nightmare!" Joel's eyes popped open as he sat up, his brow drenched with a cold sweat. He looked over to see his robot friends, Crow and Tom. "Been eating pickles and ice cream before bed again, Joel?" Tom remarked. "Nah, he probably had the falling dream and forgot to wake up before he reached the bottom." Crow theorized. "Oh yeah. I've heard that dream really sucks...." Tom wisecracked. "Hey, you okay, Joel?" Crow finally asked. "I tHInK...*ahem*....I mean, I think so. Man, THAT was a weird dream...." Joel replied as he ran his hands over his face. "I felt like Scott Bakula there for a while....I wonder if it meant something...." Suddenly the voice of Gypsy came over the speakers. "Joel, I'm sorry to wake you, but the Stark Ones....uh, I mean the Duck Buns....NO! *ahem* The Dark Ones, a.k.a. The Mads are calling....whew!" Crow and Tom groaned as Joel muttered. "On my way...." * * * DEEP 13 "Ah, good afternoon, Philo." Dr. Forrester remarked as he relaxed on a lazy boy chair. The underground lab that made up his residence now looked more like a luau as flowers, tiki lights and numerous pink flamingos were strewn everywhere. A roasted pig on a spit rotated slowly while the doctor sipped some papaya juice from a hollow coconut. Frank stood behind him, gently fanning him with a palm leaf. "Looks like someone's enjoying their summer vacation." Joel remarked. Dr. Forrester smiled at him. "Evil never takes a holiday, Joel. While it may appear that I'm kicking back, in reality I'm merely taking a short break to celebrate your latest experiment. One that will surely send you to the brink of insanity by its sheer magnitude of ineptness." Joel and the bots looked at each other as Dr. Forrester chuckled before continuing. "But there's still a little time yet. So let's get to the invention exchange. Since I'm in a good mood, you may go first, Joel...." "Okay, sir." Joel reached behind the counter and placed a hand held video camera on the table. "I recently saw Jackie Chan's latest North American release, 'Mr. Nice Guy'. The movie was okay, not as good as his usual stuff, but there was a scene in it that gave me the idea for this invention. "The scene had a videotape of bad guys killing another bad guy. It was shot from one angle only. Yet, when the tape is played back, there are a series of angles and different shots that magically appeared out of nowhere without the tape being edited or any additional cameras being used. "So I decided to invent this camera to perform the same task with the help of microchips implanted into the sides. Now you can use this camera to shoot from any angle you want and when you play back the tape, it instantly edits the tape for you to include every other shot you need for that scene, thus saving movie studios a lot of money and time!" Joel finished. "We were originally going to call it the *M.N.G. Camera* but we figured *Drunken Camera* was funnier and more appropriate." Tom added. "Well, sirs?" Joel inquired. "Not bad." Dr. Forrester nodded. "Well, Joel. Our invention this week is quite simple really. Tell them about it, Frank...." Frank reached into his pocket and pulled out a remote control. "Don't you hate it when you lose this? Isn't it a royal pain in the butt when you have to search between the cushions of your favorite chair or under the sofa for the remote right after you've gotten comfortable? "Well now we've made it even more annoying by inventing a remote control that loses itself! After all, who needs your help?" Dr. Forrester continued as Frank placed the remote on the arm of the chair. A few moments later, the remote spouted 8 legs, resembling a spider, as it quickly scurried away to the floor and out of sight. "How you like them apples, Joel!" Dr. Forrester sneered at the camera. "I guess it gives all arachnophobic couch potatoes something to think about...." Joel replied with a shrug. "Laugh while you can, Shemp! For this week's experiment brings back fond memories of 'Hercules Vs. The Moon Men'. I'm sure you all remember *DEEP HURTING*?" Joel and the bots shuddered. "I'll take that as a yes." Dr. Forrester smirked before continuing. "Well, compared to THIS, Deep Hurting was a mere skinning of the knees. Prepare yourself, Joel Robinson. Prepare yourself for...." Dr. Forrester and Frank suddenly whipped out microphones and chanted. "SCENE CHANGE....SSSSSSSCENE CCCCHANGE....SSSSSSSSCENE CCCCHANGE....BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! "California Dreaming by Shakari, Joel. Enjoy it....or don't." * * * As the viewscreen winked off, Tom turned to his creator. "What the hell was all that about?" "I think Dr. F's been sleeping under the florescent lights a little *TOO* long...." Crow remarked. "Hey, wait a minute! Dr. F didn't even tell us what kind of fanfic this is!" Joel suddenly realized. "I've got a bad feeling about this...." Crow muttered. "Gee, you think, Solo?" Tom replied sarcastically. Before Joel could wince from the excruciating pun, alarms and sirens suddenly rang out. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out. (Door 6: It slides open on both sides..) (Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you move on..) (Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.) (Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..) (Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and touches the door. The door vanishes.) (Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.) (Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.) Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right. >***************************WARNINMG****************** Tom: Hoo boy.... Crow: You *KNOW* a fanfic is going to be bad when the author misspells the warning label.... >This is an adult treatment of the Sailor Moon characters. Crow: Translation: Lemon aplenty ahead. Joel: Meaning they can smoke, drink and stay out all night? Tom: (imitating author) Not like those other SM fanfics, which were childish and immature by having the senshi act like young teenage girls.... >It contains adult language and explicit sex. Tom: Hey, explicit sex is fine and dandy but adult language is where I draw the line! >It is intended solely for mature readers. Joel: Even the author can't read it! >If you are under 18 you should not be reading this. Crow: However, laughing hysterically at it is permitted. >**************************WARNING********************* Tom: Heavy snowstorms approaching. Stay indoors. Joel: At least we know it isn't a cut and paste of the prior warning.... >Copyright Info: Sailor Moon and all other characters used in this >work are the property of their respective owners. They are used here >without permission. Crow: (imitating Naoko Takeuchi) You bastard! >Author's Notes: To me, the most interesting aspect of fanfic is the Tom: (imitating author) ....paper. It's yummy! >ability to take familiar characters and place them in unfamiliar >situations. Crow: Like Jello? Whipped Cream? Mud? Joel: Cram it, Crow. >The unlimited ability to say "What if?", without worrying >about next week's episode, gives fanfic authors the freedom to take >characters in otherwise impossible directions. Tom: To boldly go where no fanfic has gone.... Joel: Okay, Tom.... Crow: Um, I think Oscar's done that.... >This story is my attempt to play around with the Sailor Scouts in an >environment unfamiliar to them. Joel: Camping out in the woods? Crow: Maybe this is a Sliders/SM crossover? Tom: That would be interesting to see.... Crow: Yes, it's Pretty Solider Slider Moon! >I chose to make it a lemon because I felt this gave me the most freedom >to do what I wanted with the characters. Crow: Screw em, silly! Joel: Crow.... Tom: Yeah, when it comes to bringing out the full potential of a character, nothing beats sex! >This story does not take place at any particular time in the >Sailor Scouts history. Tom: After all, these ain't historian's notes. >I felt it best to work with the "archetypal" versions of the characters >instead of trying to tie things down to a specific timeframe. Tom: *Someone's* been using their vocabulary words! Crow: Any timeframe is fine as long as Reeny isn't in it.... >Please send any comments or suggestions to Kev at kdg977@dialnet.net. >He'll pass them on to me. Joel: (imitating author) Kev! Go for the long bomb! Crow: (imitating Kev) Okay! I've got it! I've....ARRRRRRRRRGHH!!! Tom: Little did Kevin know it *was* a long bomb. Heheheh.... >CALIFORNIA DREAMING All: (singing) California Dreaming.... Tom: Oh joy. A Mama Cass/Sailor Moon Crossover.... Crow: Woo hoo! Bring on the California Girls! >(A Sailor Scout vacation) Tom: Lord knows they've earned one after *Countess Chronicles*.... Crow: Actually, I think they earned one way before that.... >by Shakari Joel: (singing) Shake, shake, shake! Shake, shake, shake! Shake Shakari! Shake Shakari! Tom: Wasn't that the name of the evil alien in Star Trek V? Crow: Sounds more like a new species from Starcraft.... >PROLOGUE: A Walk on the Beach Joel: Genie bottles laying around everywhere.... Crow: Pamela Anderson pretending to save someone's life.... Tom: Hey look! Bernie washed up on shore again! >The sun set slowly over the horizon. Two lovers walked lazily along >the beach. They were too engrossed in each other to notice the brilliant >colors of the sunset. Joel: Nice opening! Tom: Maybe this fic won't be so bad after all.... Crow: Yeah, and maybe Chris Benoit will win a WCW Title.... >"Oh, Ranma. I'm so happy we finally got married. California was the >perfect choice for our honeymoon." Tom: Yeah, if you ignore the earthquakes, flooding, drive-by shootings, O.J. Simpson.... Crow: At least there, most of the crazies they deal with will fit right in. Joel: Ranma should have gone to San Francisco. Being male and female, he would have fit in even better.... >When Ranma didn't answer her, Akane suddenly stopped, forcing him to >stop with her. Tom: [imitating Frank Costanza] Stop short?! That's *MY* move!! >"What were you thinking about?", she asked. Crow: (as Ranma) Oh, just about sex....and candy....and myself.... >"Oh nothing, I was just thinking about Sham..." Tom: ....rocks! St. Patty's Day's coming up, y'know! >Without thinking Akane shoved him hard backwards. Unfortunately for >Ranma, she caught him completely off-guard. He stumbled backwards >and tripped. Unable to catch his balance he fell right into the >cold water of the ocean. Tom: That's a hell of a long fall there, Saotome. Crow: Some martial arts master he is.... Joel: Wait, the ocean on a California beach is cold? >Realizing what she had just done, she rushed to his/her side and helped >him/her up. Joel: Of all the possible ways to refer to Ranma's girl form with pronouns, this guy has to pick the clumsiest. Crow: Something tells me we're in for a lot of pain, guys.... >"Oh darling, I'm so sorry." All: Darling?!? Crow: Akane must have received bridal training from Lum.... >Before she could continue, both were startled to see men suddenly >materializing out of nowhere. Tom: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! >"Oh no", Ranma cried, "Those are Klingons. This must be an advance >party sent to scout the way for an invasion fleet. They must be >planning on conquering the Earth. Crow: What the....? Tom: You have GOT to be kidding me.... Joel: Never in my life have I seen such smooth exposition. You could hardly tell that Ranma is giving us important plot points here. Crow: We should snip this example so they can include it in the Guide To Writing Really, Really Good Fanfiction. >We must get word to the Sailor Scouts. Only they could possible hope >to defeat an armada of Klingon warships." Crow: Uh-huh. Whatever you say, Ranma.... Joel: And when the scouts are finished with the Klingons, maybe they can take care of those pesky Borg too.... Crow: Come to think of it, those damn Romulans are getting too much for Marissa Picard to handle nowadays.... Tom: We're entering a whole weird area here folks.... >"Yes", cried Akane, "Only Sailor Moon and her friends could >possibly hope to defeat an empire of warriors as fierce as the >Klingons. Crow: The hell with Nuclear Weapons! We need Shabon Spray, damn it! Joel: What is this? Klingon Propaganda? Tom: Wouldn't it be hard getting the scouts here since they're Tokyo-based superheroes.... >We must reach them with this news." Crow: Where's Jimmy Olsen when you really need him? Tom: (as Akane) Quick! Let's call MR. E-MAIL!! >Before the Klingons could get get oriented to their new surroundings, Joel: They had to go-go. >Ranma and Akane leaped to the attack. All: (loudly imitate the Classic Star Trek Fight Theme) Joel: Um, weren't Ranma and Akane supposed to get the Sailor Scouts? >Unfortunately, it was a short fight, since the Klingons had no qualms >about using their weapons. Crow: So? Mousse is the master of hidden weapons and Ranma beat him! Tom: Maybe the Klingons used their disruptors...? >"Should we kill them?" one of the Klingons asked. Tom: .....set on stun, apparently! Crow: (imitating Cartman) Man, this is (bleeping) weak.... >"Naah, let's fuck them first." All: Wha?!? Tom: I thought Klingons like these looked down on humans as inferior life forms. Why would they want to do the horizontal mambo with Ranma and Akane? Joel: It's simple, guys. These particular individuals are the Klingon equivalent of Oscar. Crow: EW!! >CHAPTER ONE: Moon Over Sunnydale Joel: (singing) Sunnydale....Ohhhhh...Sunny sunny sunnydale.... Crow: How can you see the moon if it's sunny? Tom: Shakari doesn't know much about Astronomy, I guess. Crow: God help him if he brings *Riverdale* into this... >Five figures wandered through the Sunnydale park. Joel: Figures.... Crow: And what figures they were! Yee ha! Tom: (singing) They were strolling through the park one day.... >"Are you sure it's safe to be wandering around at night? I've heard >some pretty weird things about this town." Joel: Yeah, California makes Tomobiki look like Bakersfield.... Crow: Yeah, and it's not like they have magical Sailor powers to defend themselves with.... >"Relax Serena," Ami replied, "Nothing could possibly happen in a >peaceful little town like Sunnydale." Crow: (imitating Ami) And I've already made reservations for our next vacation in a quaint little town called Amityville.... Tom: (imitating Ami) Yeah and then we can go see the Jonestown exhibit! I hear they serve free kool-aid on the tour! Joel: Tom.... >"Yeah", Rei added, "It's not like we're on top of a Hellmouth or >anything." Tom: They're in front of it. Thank you! Crow: Should it be *Raye* and *Amy* if the author's using the North American names *Serena* and *Sailor Scouts*? Joel: Nitpick, nitpick, nitpick.... >Suddenly they were attacked by vampires. Joel: Boy, I hate it when that happens. Crow: (laughs) Yes, that *was* quite sudden! Tom: (imitating Serena) And here I am without a turtleneck again. Dumb....stupid....dumb.... >********************************************************* >*************************SCENE CHANGE***************** >********************************************************* Tom: Smooth. Crow: ....like sandpaper. Joel: Look, obviously Shakari is making fun of the way some authors feel the need to explicitly indicate things like flashbacks and setting changes, by hugely exaggerating the kind of things that they do. Tom: Don't be ridiculous, Joel. He isn't parodying anything. He's just too lazy to give us descriptions or anything like that. He thinks his readers are idiots who wouldn't get it any other way. And you know what? HE'S RIGHT! Anyone with half a brain would've stopped reading somewhere near the beginning of the credits! Joel: Easy there, Tommy. Try to stay frosty.... >"Hey Buffy", Willow said as she set down on the school steps. "You >look like you are in a good mood this morning." Tom: Buffy....Willow....AND YOU WANT US TO STAY FROSTY!?! Joel: Easy, Tom.... >"Oh I am. I met the most incredibly sexy guy last night. His name >is Shakari. He just transferred here to Sunnydale." All: (groans) Crow: As if this couldn't get any worse. Now it's an Oscar-esque self-gratification fic! Tom: Why? Why?! WHY?!? >"A real hotty, huh?" Joel: (imitating Buffy) Yeah....especially after I drenched him in gasoline and set him ablaze.... Tom: He was later suspended for smoking. Thank you! >"You better believe it." Joel: (imitating Buffy) Yeah, like I really have any say in the matter.... >"So does this mean you're over Angel?" Joel: Chris Angel? Nah, he has his own self-insertion fics. Crow: At least he knows how to write. >"Who? Trust me, Will, even if Angel hadn't changed into an evil >monster bent on destroying all of humanity, I'd dump him in a heartbeat >to be with someone like Shakari. Joel: Aw, come on. Chris isn't THAT bad.... Tom: (singing) Nothing you can say, can take me away, from Shakari.... Crow: Oh man, and I thought Oscar was egotistical.... >"Hey guys", Cordelia said as she sat down. "Have you heard about >that new boy, Shakari, who just transferred in." Crow: (imitating Willow) You mean the putz writing this crap? >"Buffy was just telling me that she met him last night." Joel: (imitating Buffy) Burn, baby, burn! >"Oh, you are so lucky." All: (singing) Luck be Shakari tonight....Luck be Shakari tonight.... >********************************************************* >*************************SCENE CHANGE***************** >********************************************************* All: (singing) Second verse, inane as the first! Tom: Scene any good fics lately? Be nice to read one for a change.... >Reacting instantly, Joel: If not sooner. >the five girls immediately attempted to transform into the Sailor Scouts. Crow: Yeah, right! Who are you kidding? It takes them about 10-15 seconds each! >This proved a costly mistake. Tom: Them lightshows and pyrotechnics don't come cheap. >Used to Negaverse monsters who would stand dazzled by the pretty >colors of their transformations, Joel: The Negaverse monsters were evidently all on acid.... Crow: (imitating Youma) Nice colors.....Pretty colors....Smooooth colors.... >the girls were completely unprepared for the vampire's immediate >attack. Tom: Boy, the action is really fast and furious here, eh? Joel: I thought Vampires couldn't stand bright light? Tom: Then how could they live in Sunnydale? Joel: Well, I....Huh?!? >Before the transformations were complete, they had been pummelled >into submission. Crow: FINALLY! It's about damn time somebody took advantage of the scouts transformation time.... Tom: All of this happened while we were listening to Buffy and Willow? Joel: (imitating Vampire) I warn you! Submit now! Or we shall pummel you some more! Submit, I tell you or prepare to be pummeled! Tom: (imitating Max) Shall I confront, subdue and pummel the author, Sam? Crow: (imitating Sam) Sic him up, little buddy.... >"Can we eat them now?" one of the vampires asked. Joel: So much for dinner and dancing.... Tom: (imitating Serena) Hey, bite me! W...Wait! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!! AHHHHHH!!! Crow: Can *you* guess what Vampire #2's response will be? >"Naah, let's fuck them first." Joel: (imitating vampire) But Mom told me not to play with my food! Tom: Intercourse before oral? Isn't it usually the other way around? Crow: Shakari breaking traditional lemon format? I'm shocked.... >********************************************************* >*************************SCENE CHANGE***************** >********************************************************* Crow: Kinda looks like a Marquee doesn't it? Tom: Yes, it's Scene Change: The Movie! Joel: And a great cast at that! Look at all those stars! Crow: They belong in a circus.... >"Oh yes, Shakari, YEEESSSS!!!" Buffy screamed at the top of her lungs. Joel: She should use her diaphragm. She'd get more range that way. >Shakari's 12 inch cock All: (laugh out loud) Crow: Ah, so penile implants now come in ten inch sizes? Tom: (snickers) Guess so. >filled her cunt to overflowing as he pistoned his hips back and forth, >drivng his monster cock all the way back to her cervix. Tom: Uhm....ouch? Crow: (Imitating Buffy) Thank goodness I used those wooden stakes for other purposes. Otherwise he would have ripped me apart already. Joel: Crow... >Nothing had prepared her for how good it would feel to have him inside her. Tom: After all, she wasn't a Sailor Scout.... Joel: Then there's that whole female anatomy thing....no nerve endings up 12 INCHES inside.... Crow: No foreplay? Ah, man! >Ever since she had laid eyes on him she had wanted him to fuck her >brains out. Joel: Short wait.... Tom: (Imitating Shakari) You will desire me! You have no choice but to fall in love with me! Crow: (Imitating Oscar) Duh, hey! That's my power, damnit! >His animal magnetism was simply too much to resist Joel: So as you can clearly see, being the author has its advantages... Crow: Being the reader, on the other hand.... >and she had dragged him into the supply closet as soon as she found him >that morning. Joel: Ha, it's a good thing the janitor was all through working in there. Tom: That *would* put an interesting slant on things. Crow: I can see it now. Space Quest VII: Roger Wilco Vs. Shakari and the Venomous Vampires of Sunnydale.... >Even though he was the most fantastic kisser she had ever imagined, that >simply wasn't enough. Tom: From our point of view, it's *plenty*! Joel: Yeah! No more for us, thanks... Crow: We're trying to retain our lunch! >She had to have him inside her. Crow: Make that the other way around, and RIP HIS HEART OUT!! Tom: He didn't use tongue?! Crow: That likely *cums* later. Joel: Guys.... >When she pulled his pants down she had been absolutely amazed. Crow: ....that Shakari could have mixed up twelve *millimeters* for twelve *inches*.... Tom: (imitating Buffy) My god! That's the smallest penis I've ever seen! It's so small! I think I've smoked cigarettes bigger than that! Joel: That oughta take him down a peg or three.... >His cock was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. Crow: The *rest* of him, however, is another story... Tom: Shakari's using dialogue from Boogie Nights now? Give me a break! Joel: Oh yuck! Whoever thinks cocks are beautiful probably leads a very shallow life. Crow: 12 inches ain't shallow, man. Joel: Yuck! >Indecison gripped her. She had been desperate to have his cock inside her, >but she couldn't shake the desire to find out good it would taste. Crow: (imitating Yoda) Good it would taste! Though tiny it be! Yes! Hmmmm! Tom: Can this get *ANY* more gratuitous? Joel: Don't speak so soon, Tommy. >She got to her knees carefully, the crowded supply closet making >it difficult. Crow: I'll bet the back of that closet leads to Narnia. Joel: You're thinking of a wardrobe, Crow.... Tom: ....yes, a scene from a *good* story. Cut that out. >She put as much of his cock into her mouth as she >could handle. Crow: It wasn't big, just about a mouthful. Joel: (groans) >She had to be careful not to gag herself due to the sheer size of it. Tom: (imitating Buffy) (giggle) (snort) I'm sorry, Shakari....(snort).... It's just....(giggle)....it's so damn small....I've had spaghetti longer and thicker that this....(giggle) (snort).... >Soon his cock was spurting the most delicious sperm she had ever >tasted. Tom: And she's had quite a bit over the years.... Joel: Tom.... Crow: I once heard that seed tasted like salt water....and battery acid. Joel: Really? I heard it tastes like Liquid Plumber.... Tom: Heard from who? Joel: See folks, it's really hard to get a female perspective on this ship when all the characters are male. Crow: (Imitating Butthead.) Huh-huh, he said "hard." >She was a little disappointed, though. She had really been wanting >him to fuck her. Tom: Really? We never would have guessed. >To her absolute amazement and delight, Crow: The fanfic was over? Tom: I wish.... >Shakari's cock immediately began to harden and he was instantly ready >to go once again. Crow: (imitating Shakari) Viagra....Is there anything it can't do? Tom: Yeah, write a half-way decent fanfic. >"God! he is so amazing," she thought to herself. Joel: Shakari, incarnation of Dionysus! Tom: Wouldn't that be more the Sword of Damocles? >********************************************************* >*************************SCENE CHANGE***************** >********************************************************* Crow: They buried the Scene Change ALIVE!?! THOSE BASTARDS!! Joel: First it was the &'s in *R*P*M* and now this! What did they ever do to the author?!? Tom: Maybe fanfiction's entering an ice age? >Unbeknownst to the participants Joel: But beknownst to us. >in the battle in the park, a silent observer was watching them. Crow: Shakespeare Vs. The Mimes. Only one will live to perform in the park! >"Batman was right", the figure thought to herself, Tom: And so's Howard Johnson! Crow: (as figure) I, however, shall remain left wing... Joel: (imitating figure) Cats and Bats just weren't meant to make whoopee.... >"there is something definitely wrong in Sunnydale. Crow: Thankfully, Denmark was completely spared. >I really hate to leave those girls down there, but those vampires are >too much for me to handle. Tom: (imitating Batgirl) I can take 8 inches just fine, but twelve.... Joel: Tom.... >Hopefully they won't grow tired of fucking the girls until help arrives." Tom: (imitating Scouts) Oh, thanks a lot, Batbitch! >Silently Batgirl slipped away. Crow: ....where she proceeded to strip naked and started *splitting the kitten*.... Joel: Crow.... >Frantically she tried to figure out who she could call that would be able >to get to California quickly. Crow: Gee, here's a wild suggestion. How about calling BATMAN!?!? Joel: Well, there's always the California Raisins. I heard it through the grapevine they can kick some ass..... >Finally she decided on Wonder Woman. Pulling out her JLA >communicator, Tom: Justly leaping actors? Crow: Just laugh along? Tom: Jujube lovers anonymous? Joel: Joking loser athletes? Tom: Japanese lurking around? Crow: Jade licking aphrodisiac? Joel: .... >she called for help. Tom: ....at the top of her lungs! Crow: She'd have better luck yelling *Fire!*.... Joel: The vampires converged and the scouts were freed! Crow: Then they used their nifty powers to disintegrate all the vampires and free Batgirl. To thank her for saving them, the senshi began to strip off their sailor costumes.... Joel: Hokay, that's enough. >"Come in Wonder Woman, this is Batgirl. Wonder Woman this is >Batgirl" Joel: (imitating Wonder Woman) Yeah, right! And I'm Wonder Woman! *click* Crow: (imitating Wonder Woman) Who? Tom: (imitating Wonder Woman) I heard you the first time! >"Go ahead Batgirl" Joel: (as Wonder Woman) ....make my day. Tom: (imitating Batgirl) I'm looking for information on a Mr. Meweenie. Crow: (imitating Wonder Woman) Meweenie? Tom: (imitating Batgirl) First name of Adolf? Joel: (groans) >"I'm in Sunnydale, California and I need help. Crow; (imitating Batgirl) I bought a surfboard and I'm thinking of using it! >Vampires are fucking the Sailor Scouts. Crow: Oh yeah, that's a national emergency all right.... Joel: Batgirl used to be such a sweet girl. What the hell happened? Tom: Must be preparing for a heel turn.... >Please come as soo.." Tom: ....oon as they do? Joel: Tom.... >Batgirl dropped to her knees as pain exploded in her head. Tom: (snickers) She tried to make sense of the plot, and it BLEW HER MIND!! Joel: When you've got a headache *THIS* big.... Crow: Good thing she wasn't a guy or that would have *REALLY* hurt.... >Barely retaining consciousness, she heard voices behind her. Tom: Run to the light, Carol Anne! Joel: If you build it....he will come. Crow: Are you a God? Tom: Kristy! Joel: Tiffany! Crow: Lisa! Tom: Chief! Crow: McCloud! >"Hot damn, Joey, we just captured Batgirl. Joel: (imitating Joey) Yee Haa!! Break out the guano! Tom: (imitating Dennis) Yay! Let's sell her to Mr. Wilson! Then we can buy all the pet frogs we want! >We're going to be famous. Crow: And I assume capturing all five sailor senshi is nothing special? Tom: That's the damage DIC did to their reputations.... >Should we take her mask off now?" Tom: (imitating Dennis) Nah, let's take her to our clubhouse first. Crow: (imitating Joey) Why? Tom: (imitating Dennis) Ever see the movie "Milk Money"? Crow: (imitating Joey) Oh yeah.... Joel: Guys.... >"Naah, let's fuck her first." Tom: (imitating Dennis) Hey! I'm may be a menace but even I have my limits! Crow: You know, I'm starting to sense a pattern here. Joel: Yeah, everyone's getting attacked.... Crow: Maybe Shakari's got writer's block? Tom: More like writer's diarrhea. >********************************************************* >*************************SCENE CHANGE***************** >********************************************************* Joel: (sarcastically) Really? I had no idea, thanks. Tom: Geez, you'd think this was a stage play or something.... Crow: A fanfic made into a stage play. There's a cool idea.... Tom: Yeah, I can see the Marquee now. "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" by Oscar. Now in it's sixth glorious year! Starring Cheech Marin as Oscar and Mickey Rooney as the voice of Artemis.... Joel: "If you liked 'CATS!', You'll *REALLY* hate this!" -- Rolling Stone Magazine. Crow: "I cried till I croaked." -- Good Morning America. Joel: "I usually like everything and anything but this really sucked the bag." -- Jack Perkins. Tom: "Two Thumbs Up! Way Up! -- Siskel and Ebert. Crow: "ARRRRRRRRRGHHHH!!!!" -- Tom Servo. Tom: Hey, cut that out! >Ranma slowly regained conciousness. S/he was lying naked on a table. Tom: Great. How are we supposed to know what gender Ranma is? Crow: I think I'll picture the female side....heh heh heh..... Joel: Crow.... >His/her legs were free, but his/her arms were tied down. Tom: (imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger) BIG MISTAKE.... >S/he looked around. Akane was nowhere in sight. Joel: Knowing the Klingons tastes, she's probably cooking them something.... Crow: I don't know. When it comes to pain, even Klingons have their limits.... Tom: Besides, they already have a naked lunch right on the table.... Joel: Tom.... >Instead s/he saw several hundred Klingons forming a line that stretched >back as far as s/he could see. Tom: Needless to say, S/he was soiling his/her pants immediately afterwards.... Crow: The Klingons were feared most of all for their conga lines... Joel: (imitating Hedley Lamarr) You there! What's that in your mouth? Crow: (imitating Klingon) Uh....Nothin. Tom: (imitating Hedley Lamarr) Gagh! Chewing Gagh in line, eh? Well, I hope you brought enough for EVERYBODY.... Crow: (imitating Klingon) Uh, er, I didn't know there was going to be so many of us....No, wait! ARRRRRRRRGHH!!!! Joel: (imitating Gene Wilder) Boy, are they strict.... >Most of the Klingons looked like they were excited about something. Joel: (imitating Klingon) Oh, I've always wanted Ranma's autograph! Tom: (imitating Klingon) Look there! On the table with the naked woman! Is that a keg of *Prune Juice*, I see? Crow: (imitating Klingon) We're gonna get laid! We're gonna get laid! Joel: Crow.... >One of the Klingons approached him/her. Joel: Whatever. Crow: (imitating Klingon) We're tired of waiting for the author to decide if you are a boy or girl. What *are* you? Tom: (imitating Ranma) Pat. >"I see that you are awake. You fought well for a woman. Tom: (imitating Klingon) Or a man. Joel: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. Crow: (imitating Klingon) I'm in love! >Thus we are allowing you a chance to survive. Crow: (imitating Klingon) Will you have your blood wine hot or tepid? Joel: (imitating Ranma) Oh, please bring me the hot kind....heh, heh, heh.... Tom: Wishful thinking, Joel.... >You must undergo the ancient ritual of Fukaduk. Tom: (imitating Ranma) Fukaduk? You mean I have to have sex with Mousse? >If you survive you'll be allowed to go free." Joel: [imitating Klingon] If you die, you will be tortured. >Dreading the answer, Ranma asked, "What's the ritual of Fukaduk?" All: (as Klingons, chanting) BRING IN THE DUCK!! BRING IN THE DUCK!! Crow: (imitating Groucho Marx) Say the secret word and win a hundred dollars.... >"It's quite simple. Each of my crewmen will have sex with you. Crow: And it'll be described explicitly in the story each time. Tom: Hey, Ranma's the one being tortured, not us! Joel: Yeah, right.... >Once they are done, you will be released. You may or may not >still be alive." Joel: There may or may not be any readers left. >As Ranma stared at him in horror, the Klingon commander unzipped >his pants. Tom: (imitating Ranma) Pardon me....Are those Bugle Boy Jeans you have on? Crow: (imitating Klingon) Why yes. Yes, they are. Tom: (imitating Ranma) Well, they make your ass look huge.... >The cock that emerged was the biggest that s/he had ever seen. Tom: But it was nothing compared to his doodle-doos. Crow: (Imitating Shakari) It's still not as big as mine! Really! I mean it! Would I lie!?!? Tom: Klingons have internal sex organs? Like cats? >He climbed on top of him/her and positioned his cock to >penetrate his/her love hole. Crow: Bi-sexual Klingons. Scary. Joel: You were right. They *are* like Oscar. Ick. Tom: If Ranma's legs are free, why isn't she using them to kick their ass? Crow: Because that would make logical sense, she would beat up the Klingons and the entire lemon scene would be ruined! Tom: You're right. How silly of me to forget.... >As Ranma felt the monstrous penis enter his/her virgin pussy, Tom: Uh....I think at this point, we can say *she*....at least, I really, REALLY, hope that's the case.... Crow: The last thing we need is a rehash of 9 1/2 Chipmunks.... Joel: Huh? Tom: Don't ask, Joel. Crow: Trust us on this one.... >s/he thought to him/herself, "Gee, this really sucks." Tom: Only if he gets hot water dumped on him. Joel: Yuck! That's gross, Tom.... Crow: Wait, Ranma's a virgin? On his honeymoon? Tom: Maybe just the female half? Joel: Gee, that really sucks. >********************************************************* >*************************SCENE CHANGE***************** >********************************************************* Crow: Yes, despite the gross misuse of your favorite characters, the scene change remains a rock solid fixture of this lemon.... Tom: Well, let's recap the lemon so far....The Sailor Scouts are being raped by Vampires, Ranma's being raped by Klingons, Batgirl's being raped by Joey and Dennis the Menace, and Shakari's obsessed with his 12 millimeter penis. Any questions? Joel: Yeah, I think I left my lights on in my room. I'll be right back. (gets up to leave) Crow: Oh, oka....Hey, wait a minute! If we can't leave, neither can you! Joel: Oh well, it was worth a shot. (sits back down) >Wonder Woman picked up the JLA communicator and then looked >around. Crow: Oh! So that's what JLA stands for! *Just Look Around!* Joel: (as Wonder Woman) Now, what the *hell* was this thing for, again? >There was no sign of Batgirl. "Maybe I'll have better luck finding the >Sailor Scouts. If the vampires are still fucking them they shouldn't be >that hard to find." Crow: Now *that's* an understatement. Tom: Ha Ha! Wonder Woman is *so* sympathetic for rape victims, isn't she? Joel: (imitating Ryouga) The world is a dark and lonely place.... >Suddenly, she fell to her knees as she was overcome by gas. Crow: Regular or Unleaded? Tom: D'oh! When will people learn that eggnog and chili just isn't a good combination? Joel: Woah! Vampires must have been eating too many beans at the 'ole Nosferatu Cookout! >When she awoke she found herself strapped to a table. She was >completely naked Joel: (imitating Ranma) Join the club.... Tom: Oh no! It's Countess Chronicles all over again!!! Crow: Nooooo!!! Joel: Countess what? What are you guys talking about? Crow: Oh yeah, you weren't with us for that MSTing.... >except for her boots. Joel: She needed them for shaking. Tom: Besides, they were made for walking.... Crow: But she often used them for licking.... >Looking around she saw a figure in a green cloak and metal mask >watching her. Joel: (imitating Wonder Woman) Leonardo Dicaprio?!? NOOOOOOO!!! Tom: The intro to one of a thousand lemon fanfics ... Crow: Awright! >"Ah my dear, you're finally awake. I wasn't sure how much gas >to use on someone with your unique constitution, so I'm afraid >I overcompensated." Tom: (imitating Dr. Doom) Next time, I'll just eat *one* can of beans... >"Dr. Doom, you evil, maniacal genius. Release me at once." Joel: Ha! This is dialogue right out of a comic book! Crow: Thanks for pointing out the glaringly obvious there, Joel. Tom: And it's a *graphic novel* by the way.... Joel: Oh, bite me! >I'm sorry, but I can't do that. Joel: ....Dave. Tom: Aw, c'mon! Dragging HAL into this is going too far! >I originally came here from Crow: ....the planet Nike.... >Latveria to capture one of the Sailor Scouts. Unfortunately, >I needed a virgin for my purpose and the Scouts no longer >qualify. You, however, will do nicely." Joel: (imitating Dr. Doom) Additionally, you possess a tiara too, and it should be an acceptable substitute for my plans of world domination.... Crow: (imitating Wonder Woman) I don't do nicely! I do the nasty! Joel: Crow.... >"What mad purpose do you have in mind?" Tom: Whatever it is, it can't be any worse than the plot of this fanfic.... >Silently, Wonder Woman cursed herself for not having screwed Steve >Trever when she had the chance. Joel: Are there a lot of women who can say that? >"I have recently been contacted by an extra-dimensional being of >extraordinary powers. Crow: Q? Tom: The Traveler? Joel: E.D.: The Extra Dimensional.... >Unfortunately, despite all his power, he has a difficult time meeting >women. Joel: Ryouga hired Dr. Doom?!? Say it ain't so! Tom: It ain't so....this is all is Shakari's own little world.... Crow: (mumbling) Wish the nanites were here to blow it up.... Joel: Pardon? Crow: Nothing! >He has agreed to provide me with a share of his power Tom: (imitating Dr. Doom) Well, a *time-share* of his power... >if I provide him with a virgin with enough stamina to survive his >attentions." Joel: Isn't that cute? Dr. Doom is playing Dr. Love! Crow: (shuddering) Gyah, I hope not! Tom: He's only wearing a green miniskirt when you think about it ... Crow: I don't wanna think about it! >Doctor Doom walked to the door. On his way out he called back. >"Enjoy yourself, but don't expect a lot of foreplay." Tom: (Imitating Senshi) Gee, We haven't heard *THAT* one before. Joel: I don't get it....I mean, how can a virgin know if she could survive it. I mean, she's a virgin and never had sex before.... Crow: Joel, don't try to understand it. Just tie, rope and brand it. >As soon as the door slammed shut, the manacles holding Wonder >Woman to the table snapped open. She leaped to the floor and ran to >the door. Tom: (imitating Wonder Woman) Help me Jimmy! Help me! >Despite her strength she was unable to make it budge. Behind her, a >shimmering appeared in the air, and several tentacles shot through. Crow: Oh goodie. I was wondering when they'd arrive. Tom: (deadly even) Get out the Bubble Gun.... Joel: (singing) They flew through the air with the greatest of ease.... >Suddenly, Wonder Woman found her arms and leg grabbed by several >tentacles. Joel: (imitating Green Tentacle) Dr. Fred! Purple's been drinking again! Crow: Where's Hoagie when you really need him? >The tentacles proved stronger than even her own amazonian strength Tom: She's no Shampoo, that's for sure.... >and she found herself turned around to face the portal. Joel: So that's what they call it nowadays.... Tom: Joel.... >Another tentacle shot out and forced itself between her lips. Crow: Which ones? Joel: Crow.... >She tried biting down but it was no use Tom: (imitating Wonder Woman) Damn you Polygrip! Damn you to hell! >as the tentacle started pistoning in and out. She could feel another >tentacle poking at her cunt lips. "Gee, this really sucks" she >thought as the tentacle forced its way deep into her cunt. Joel: Shakari is just the master of dialog. Can't you just imagine Wonder Woman saying that line? Crow: Yeah, in fact, Shakari's lines are so good, he can use them over, and over, and OVER, AND OVER, AND... Joel: Easy there, buddy! >********************************************************* >*************************SCENE CHANGE***************** >********************************************************* Joel: Yes, the amazing constellation of 'Scene Change'.... Tom: Joel, we can't take much more of this! Crow: Yeah, the Mads were right! This scene change business is killing us! We're going to run out of riffs! Joel: Hold on, guys.... >Usagi tried to scream as yet another vampire crawled on top of her. Tom: (imitating Usagi) Hey, buzz off, Tux-boy! I'm busy! Joel: Hey, the author called her *Serena* at the beginning of the fanfic! Continuity! Crow: You're really worried about THAT after reading this far? >Unfortunately, the undead cock filling her mouth prevented her from >doing so. Joel: Now there's a phrase I never want to hear again. Tom: (imitating Usagi) The stiff's still stiff! Crow: Lucky stiff. Joel: Guys.... >The new vampire quickly got into rhythm with the one who >was already pounding in and out of her ass. Tom: Usagi was okay but her donkey was never the same.... Crow: But little did the vampires know that the microwave burritos Usagi had for breakfast were about to make their presence known.... Joel: .... >She knew that Amy, Lita, and the others were receiving similar >treatment. Joel: (imitating Jeffrey Wong) Quite the usual morning, eh guys? Tom and Crow: (groans) >Mako tried to pull her head away Tom: Oh for crying out loud! You were calling her *Lita* a sentence ago! Make up your mind! >as yet another vampire shot his load down her throat. Crow: Actually, he seems quite *lively* for a dead man... >It was no use Tom: (imitating Shakari) Because it's my lemon and I say you can't! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Joel: I've said it once and I'll say it again. It's people like this that made Oscar seem respectable.... >as she was forced to swallow all of his cum. As he moved away from >her, she got a pleasant surprise. Crow: ....for a bolt of lightning descended from the heavens, striking the house of Shakari, traveled through the circuitry, up into his keyboard, and fried him instantly... Tom: Wait, wait! Ahhh, there, just pictured that... Joel: No, she got a pleasant surprise, not a divine intervention... Tom: Hey, a guy can dream, can't he? >Instead of another cock being inserted, one of the female vampire moved >her cunt onto her face. Crow: Now *THAT* is *one* flexible vampire..... >Long hours of practice with the other Scouts made Mako an expert at >eating pussy, Tom: Oh, and she practiced on the scouts too.... Joel: TOM! Do *NOT* take us there.....please.... Crow: Urrgh.... >and it wasn't long before she was rewarded with a shower of cum. Tom: That's still better than a yellow shower. Joel: Tom.... >Raye had lost track of the number of vampires who had shot their >loads into her once virgin pussy. Crow: There's one cat that'll never come back.... Joel: Crow.... >Suddenly the one who was pumping away at her was beheaded by a light >sabre. Tom: Owie.... >Looking up she could see other vampires being decapitated by laser blasts. Crow: Wow, who would've thought the Ice Pirates would be the ones to save the day! Tom: Wait a minute! I thought vampires could only die from a stake to the heart or holy water? Joel: Maybe Obi Wan blessed the blasters? Tom: Or maybe Shakari just decided to ruin *another* cherished piece of Internet religion.... >The young man holding the light sabre helped Raye to her feet. Crow: (imitating Raye) My Arm! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Joel: (imitating young man) Oops! Aw crap.....Ben, I did it again.... >"My name is Luke Skywalker, it's a pleasure to meet you." Joel: My name is Luke Skywalker, I'm here to pleasure you. Crow: Hello. My name is Luke Skywalker. Are you my father? If so, Prepare to DIE!!! >One of the men with laser blasters walked over to them. Crow: Billy Duncan? >"Hey Han", Luke asked, "Think we should help these girls home?" Tom: Don't say it... PLEASE don't say it.... >"Naah, let's fuck them first." Crow: He said it. Tom: Don't say the other thing, oh please, oh please, oh.... >*******************TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!**************** Tom: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! >CHAPTER TWO: Moonlight Serenade >Sailor Moon is captured by the Klingons and forced to undergo the >ritual of Fukaduk! Meanwhile, Buffy is captured by Dr. Doom and >impregnated with the extradimensional creature's child! Crow: Next time on Jerry Springer..... Tom: Then there's CHAPTER THREE! BUFFY is forced to undergo Fukaduk and RANMA is impregnated with the extradimensional creature's child! And CHAPTER FOUR! SAILOR MOON is forced to... Joel: Uh, I think they've got the idea. Crow: Shakari hasn't.... >COMING SOON TO A NEWSGROUP NEAR YOU!!!!!! Crow: So be sure to unsubscribe ASAP. Tom: And while you're at it, spam the *hell* out of them on the way out.... Joel: Tom.... >Author's Note: Joel: Do, re, or mi? >I realize this chapter was a little bit slow. Joel: Just like the author.... Tom: Yeah, what? Only seven crossovers in the first chapter? Come on, pick up the pace for god's sake! >This was mainly intended as setup. Crow: I knew it! We were set up! >The pace should pick up in a few chapters. Once I have had a chance to >introduce all of the characters I'll be able to concentrate more on action. Joel: Yeah, what with all the attention given to the plot and characters in the first chapter, it's about time they got to the good stuff.... >I figure that by chapter seven or eight, Crow: The reader will be ready for the loony bin. Tom: Not to mention the reader's lips will be chapped and sore from flubbing them with their fingers.... >all of the main characters will have been introduced and I can really get >the plot going. Crow: Too late, pal, you had your chance... Tom: (imitating Shakari) And what better way to introduce all the characters than to have them all raped and emotionally scarred from the very beginning! >Hope you like what I have planned. Tom: Dr. Forrester, beware. Joel: What can we say, except... All: GEE, THIS REALLY SUCKS!!!!! >Shakari All: GET BENT!!! Tom: We're outta here.... * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE "Oh man, that fic stunk to high heaven!" Tom exclaimed as he, Crow and Joel emerged from the theater. "Just when you think Oscar's cornered the market on ego, along comes Shakari to screw with your mind...." Crow replied. "Well, at least we survived *SCENE CHANGE* with our sanity intact." Joel pointed out. "Break out the band...." Crow muttered. Joel reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter. "Okay, before we go, we've got time for one letter we recently received from Lura and she writes: *All I have to say is....Thank You! I've been reading your MST's for about 6 months now, and everytime, they make me laugh until I cry. (Especially any ones with that pervert Oscar, or Dr. Thinker) I think that of all the MST's I've read, (And that's a lot) yours are by far the best. I've even read some of the so-called "Ratliff Classics" and I still think that you are the funniest of the MSTers. Keep up the terrific work, and feel free to MST any, and I mean *any* of my works. It would be a honor to be MSTed by you. Thank you again for bringing a lot of light and laughter into my life. Sincerely, Pu-chan* "And thank you for the great e-mail! It always make us feel good to know we can make people laugh and it makes us feel needed too." Joel replied with a smile. "Well, sirs?" Tom inquired. * * * DEEP 13 "SCCCCEEEEENE CCCCCCCCHANGE!!! SSSSSSSSCENE CCCCCCCHANGE....SSSSSSCENE...." "FRANK! Give it a rest, already! It didn't work! Just push the button and help me get this junk out of here!" The voice of Dr. Forrester growled as he began tearing down the beach scenery. "Okay, Steve...." Frank sighed as he glanced down at the microphone in his hand. Then he suddenly raised it to his mouth. "IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE LOVED BY ANY....!!!" "FRANK!!!" Frank immediately stopped singing and threw away the microphone. "Pushing the button!" He quickly replied as he did so. THE REAL END.... (Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.) Hi again! I've haven't written anything in the past couple of weeks due to RL rearing its ugly head. I wanted to finish this before June ended and I hope you liked it. :) I'd like to give very special thanks to Gary Kleppe, Robin "Lunari" Seabaugh, Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong, and Jack Acid, who were all very helpful in giving me C&C and ideas for this MSTing. I couldn't have finished this MSTing without their help and I can't thank them enough. :) I'd also like to thank Timothy McLees, Luna and Artemis, Chris Bergstrom, Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight), Michael K. Neylon, Demon Stalker, Oscar, and Sakura for being nice enough to post my MSTings on their webpages. Another person I would like to give very special thanks to is Shizen, who was nice enough to dedicate a webpage for my MSTings. Shizen has his own IRC and Beseen.com chatrooms, along with several other features including a growing collection of Ranma 1/2 and Sailor Moon fanfics. My other fanfics as well as Robin "Lunari" Seabaugh's can be found in these collections and new submissions are very welcome. (Note: This webpage is down at the moment but a new link for it should be available in the near future.) I'd like to thank Theo Mintesnot for coming up with a love theme for this series by changing a few words. I changed a few myself but it was his idea and I appreciate it. :) Also, I'm very proud to announce that my MSTings won the following categories for the 1st Annual Silver Mally Awards and I'm very grateful to everyone who voted for them. If you're interested in the complete results, visit Tenchi's Vault of Anime MSTings. *BEST ANIME (Non-Sailor Moon) MSTING* "War" MSTed by Megane 6.7 (Runner up:"Ranma vs the Joker" MSTed by Kevin Pezzano) *BEST SAILOR MOON MSTING* (TIE) "Dimisional Trouble", MSTed by Tim McLees "Sailor Jupiter vs Godzilla", MSTed by Megane 6.7 *BEST NON-ANIME MSTING* "Moondusted", MSTed by Tim McLees, Megane 6.7 & Mark Sachs (Runner Up: "A Final Fantasy 7 Thanksgiving", MSTed by Jamie Jeans *BEST MSTING OF A LEMON* "Artemis' Lover" MSTed by Megane 6.7 (Runner-Up:Virgin Warrior Sailor Moon, MSTed by Megane 6.7) *BRAVEST AUTHOR* Megane 6.7, the 1st TVAM MSTer, discovered Oscar. (Runner-Up:Don Euclid, for his work with the Sasami lemons) *BEST HOST SEGMENTS IN A MSTING* Megane 6.7 (Runner-Up:Tim McLees) *BEST RIFFS IN A MSTING* Megane 6.7 (Runner-up:Seth Triggs) My MSTings have also won and been nominated for the following awards.... *ARTEMIS'S LOVER* - Nominated for the Golden Hamdinger for "Best Host Segments" - Awarded the Balsa Waffle for "Worst Fanfic" - Awarded the Balsa Waffle for "Worst New Characters" *TRANSITIONS* - Nominated for the Golden Hamdinger for "Best Host Segments" Thank you very much. :) Finally I'd like to thank Shakari for writing "California Dreams" and giving me a lot of material to work with. I hope you're not too offended. It's all meant in good fun. If you are, feel free to MST my own works, I won't mind a bit. C&C, as always, is appreciated. (fcasper@yesic.com) Feel free to send in any anime fanfics that you would like to see MSTed and I'll take a look at it. Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous episodes of this series, I'll be happy to e-mail them to you. ;) Sincerely, Megane 6.7 P.S. My friend, Lunari, has written several excellent Sailor Moon stories and if you are interested in reading it, contact her at lunari@sprynet.com and I'm sure she'll be happy to send a copy to you. :) Also, Jack Acid has begun his own series of MSTings, which should soon be posted on Shinji's site and is a very talented computer graphics artist. You can find some of his works in the art gallery at Tenchi's site and you can contact him for his MSTings at samearly@hancock.net Additionally, (Whew, these notes are getting long), I've assisted with a couple of Seth 'Lefty' Triggs MSTings. 'Countess Chronicles' and '9 1/2 Chipmunks' You can find these MSTings and Seth's other great works at http://www.buffalostate.edu/~trigsc41/MSTings/ Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/MSTings.html (Celebrating it's one year anniversary, Shinji's webpage is now bigger and better looking than ever! Check out the new features and enjoy the MSTings of an ever-growing number of talented authors.) Oscar's Anime MSTing Shrine http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/7082/ (A new fan of MSTing, all of my works can be found there, along with a growing number of other talented MSTers.) Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics (Another author with a vast selection of terrific Ranma 1/2 fanfics and a great human being.) The Official Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong http://www.li.net/~jeffwong/index.htm (Author of the popular "Usagi's Usual Morning" and "The Least One Can Do" series, He is also a great human being.) Flashman's Flash Point http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/ (Author of the popular series "Trio" and creator of the "Flash Point" MSTings. Can you say great human being? I thought you could. ;P ) Website Number 9 MSTings http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml (Huge collection of MSTings, Anime and Non-Anime.) A Sailor Moon Romance http://moonromance.simplenet.com/ (The source of some of my MSTings and updated weekly with new fics.) Jupiter Knight's Great Sailor Moon Fanfic Archive http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/fanfics.htm (A great source of Sailor Moon Fanfics.) Zen's Fanfiction Page http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html (One of the most controversial fanfic writers today and one of my favorites.) Webdragon's Lair http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/ (The author of many wonderful short stories and the occasional lemon.) Demon Stalker's Stories Archive http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/4937/index.html (A growing collection of fanfiction from a variety of animes) Sakura's Lemon Fan-Fiction Archive http://anime.muck.com/~sakura/main.html (Ever growing collection of Lemon Fanfiction from all walks of Anime.) Shizen's Versatile Homepage http://www.winnipeg.freenet.mb.ca/~cto427/index.html (Currently Down. A new link should be available soon.) The Shrine O' Oscar http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/Oscar.html (Home of all the Oscarfic MSTings and final respects paid to him....) SEASON ONE ------------------ 101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon) 102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon) 103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman (SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER) 104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic) w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic) 105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic) 106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic) 107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton (La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover) 108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic) 109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky (SM/WWF Crossover) w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover) 110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic) SEASON TWO ------------------- 201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon) 202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon) 203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM Fanfic) 204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic) 205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon) 206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover) "********************************************************* *************************SCENE CHANGE***************** *********************************************************" Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Keep Circulating the Fanfics....