*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON THREE) EPISODE 21: A WET DREAM COME TRUE (A Ranma 1/2 Lemon MSTing) MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering my own ass here folks.... "Ranma 1/2" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the distributors of her work. "A Wet Dream Come True" is the property of Mike Rhea and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;) (Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....) It's the not-too-distant future, Last sunday BC There was this guy named Joel Not so different from you or me He worked at Gizmonic Institute Just another guy in a red jumpsuit He did a great job cleaning up the place, But his bosses really hate him So they shot him into space!!!! Joel: (OH....MY....GODDESS!!!) Crow and Tom: (IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!) (Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout) We'll send him crappy fanfics The worst we can find (lalala) He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala) (Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.) Now keep in mind Joel can't control When the fanfics begin or end (lalala) Because he used those special parts To make his robot friends; ROBOT ROLL CALL: CAMBOT: 'Text only'? Gypsy: 'Oh, my!' Tom Servo: 'Sweet-o!' CROOOOOOOW!!! 'I'm not a hentai!' If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes And other science facts (lalala) Then repeat to yourself *It's just a MiST* You should really just relax for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!! * * * EARTH LOCATION UNKNOWN.... EXACT TIME UNKNOWN.... The sun shone brightly over the horizon, casting its harsh glare down upon the surface of the beach. Fortunately, Joel was protected from the ultraviolet rays, thanks to a makeshift umbrella salvaged from the wreckage of the Satellite of Love, as he sat underneath it and began writing the first entry of what he hoped would be a short-lived hobby. A diary. *July 1, 1999 Hello Diary, it's me, Joel. Well, its been one week since the Satellite of Love dropped out of orbit and crash-landed here on Earth. We never thought Frank would be stupid enough to fall for our little ploy. You see, Crow had the brilliant idea of pretending that our toilet was backed up on the Satellite and asking Frank if he could bring us down to earth for a few minutes so we could use the facilities. Next thing we know, the Satellite's smashing through the ionosphere and when I regained consciousness, here we were, back on earth and marooned on a deserted island....* A loud cry distracted Joel as he glanced up from his diary for a moment to watch a seagull slowly glide over the ocean's surface. He then caught sight of Crow windsurfing along the bay, not a care in the world. Smiling to himself, Joel resumed his writing. *The satellite was too heavily damaged to even consider trying to repair so we concentrated on salvaging whatever we could and trying to survive until help arrived. We were kind of hoping that someone had noticed the satellite crashing from NASA or something but its been several days and no one's come to rescue us. Come to think of it, we haven't seen any sign that humans have come by this way at all. No planes, no ships, no pollution....* "Hey Joel? Can you hand us a bottle of lotion?" Joel looked up from his diary to see Tom and Gypsy lying down on folding chairs nearby. "Again? You guys are going to get a nasty burn mark if you keep this up...." "Yeah, yeah, just hand us the lotion, okay, Mom?" Tom muttered. Joel shrugged. "It's your metal skin," he said as he reached into the cooler beside him and brought out a bottle of SPF 300 lotion. He then tossed it onto Gypsy's chair. "Thanks, Joel!" Gypsy nodded happily. A moment later, the small holocabana generator they had managed to salvage from the satellite begin humming and three holograms soon materialized from it. The quality of the holograms were much worse than what the holocabana could produce when fully intact, but they were still solid enough to rub some oil on two robots. "Hey, Tommy. Ready for another coating?" Anna Puma smiled mischievously, clad in a black leather bikini that left little to the imagination. "Hey, it's my turn to rub Tom first!" Uni Puma whined, her outfit mirroring her sister's. "Says who?!" Anna growled, her claws extending. "Girls, please...." a masculine voice suddenly interrupted. "There's a lady present who doesn't need to hear your pointless bickering...." "YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!!!" Anna and Uni both shouted. Richard Baseheart, wearing blue speedos, sighed and returned his attention to rubbing oil on Gypsy. "Sorry about that, now where did I leave off?" "I....I can't remember!" Gypsy stammered. "Oh, I guess I'll have to start all over again then." Richard smiled. "Homina homina homina...." Gypsy trembled with excitement as Joel resumed writing in his diary. *Tom, Gypsy, and Crow seem to be taking their situation in stride. I guess I'm just worrying too much. I'm sure somebody will come and rescue us soon. Yep, any day now, we'll see them on the horizon, I'll feel silly for ever being afraid that I'd be spending the rest of my life on this island, never again to see another human being for as long as I live....* Joel looked up again at the sun for a moment and took a deep breath before resuming. *Then again, at least I'm back on Earth where I belong. And I don't have to watch or read anymore bad movies and fanfics from Dr. Forrester. That's a big plus, right? Yeah! This isn't so bad after all! And with any luck at all, this entire scenario will actually be a reality and not some horribly ironic....* * * * Joel suddenly opened his eyes to see Gypsy leaning over him. "Joel, sorry to wake you, but Wayne and Shuster are calling." "Dream," Joel muttered bitterly. "Huh? Nah, I slept right through," Gypsy replied, confused. Joel looked at the screen. "Thanks, Megane 6.7. Thanks a whole bunch. Did you have a lot of fun playing with my fragile mind?" "Uh, Joel...." Gypsy cautioned. "Yeah, yeah, I know, fourth wall, don't break, blah blah...." Joel muttered as he rose from his bed and walked towards his closet to retrieve his bathrobe, only to find it missing. Frowning, he picked out a red jumpsuit instead and put it on before leaving his room. * * * Tom Servo was already on the bridge when Joel finally arrived. "Geez Joel, you look even more unkempt than usual...." he remarked. "Good morning to you too," Joel muttered as he ran his fingers through his hair with one hand while sipping coffee with the other. "Where's Crow?" "Right here," Crow murmured as he entered the bridge, scratching his armpit. He too, had the appearance of not quite being awake. "You too, Crow? What cat volunteered to drag your poor carcass in here?" Tom asked. "I'm fine, Servo. I just had a nightmare, is all." Crow groaned. "Really? What about?" Joel asked, suddenly interested. "Ah, it was pretty out there. I dreamt that Dr. Forrester was in control of my body and whenever I talked, it was in his voice. Just creeped me out a little. I'll live," Crow muttered as he yawned. "Well, I slept great!" Tom exclaimed. "A baby couldn't even come close to sleeping as well as I did last night! Man, what a great night of rest! I'm....." "Bite me, Servo." Crow growled. Joel activated the viewscreen. "Let's see what his high evilness wants this time," he muttered. The viewscreen revealed the interior of Deep 13, but no sign of the Mads. A rumbling sound could be heard off-screen and then T.V's Frank suddenly stumbled in front of the screen, a pile of papers in his hand. "Hey guys!" Frank exclaimed cheerfully. "Dr. F's taken the day off and traveled to the surface to go buy a copy of the new Weird Al CD and get it autographed. So he's left me in charge and told me not to bother with an invention this week. So, uh, I guess that means you guys can go first." "You don't have an invention of your own?" Tom asked. "Nah, Dr. F hasn't let me invent my own stuff since the accident with the nuclear waste depository. I tried to invent a self-cleaning option like they have in ovens and well....let's just say there are parts of the floor still glowing to this day." "Isn't that a LITTLE dangerous, health wise?" Crow inquired. Frank shrugged. "Damned if I know. I just work here." "Uh, okay. Say, Frank...." A thoughtful look came over Joel's features. "Our toilet on the Satellite of Love has been having some problems lately. Would you mind bringing us down to earth to use the bathroom? It'll only take a few minutes." "Oh, sure." Frank reached for the console when he abruptly caught himself at the last second. "Heyyy....What are you trying to do? Get me killed by Dr. F? "No, we just have to go. Honest." Tom replied innocently. "Oh, okay." Frank reached for the console again. "NO! I mean, quit teasing me and get on with the invention exchange before I tell Dr. F what you almost made me do!" Frank muttered angrily. "Do what?" Crow replied. "Well, this." Frank reached for the console but again managed to avoid disaster by slamming his other fist into his forearm. "Owwie...." Frank grimaced in pain. "Aw, come on guys, give me a break...." he pleaded. * * * DEEP 13 "Oh well, it was worth a try." Joel sighed as he reached under the counter and pulled out a machine with a VR helmet attached to it by several long wires. He placed it on the counter. "Are you sick of shelling out for monthly payments for a comedy channel that often features comedians that aren't even....you know....funny?" "You mean like Gallagher?" Frank asked. "Well.....yeah....but also regular stand up comedians that just don't tickle your funny bone like they should for the price you're paying? Well now you can get all the laughs you'll ever need from this! The Colorful Operating Multitasking Innovative Comedian or C.O.M.I.C. for short! All you have to do is put on this VR helmet...." Joel gestured at the counter. "And it'll scan your brain for what YOU specifically find the most humorous about yourself and about life. Then it will record this information, travel back through these wires...." Joel ran his fingers along the wires connected from the VR headset to the machine. "And is processed by this machine. Once the machine is finished processing, it travels back through the wires to the headset and creates a VR rendition of your favorite comedian, who proceeds to perform a stand-up routine that'll have you laughing well after the cows have come home!" "What'd think, Frank?" Joel asked. "Sounds great! Mind if I borrow it while I send you this week's experiment?" Frank inquired. "Ah, Frank, do you really have to? Can you, like, send us a good fanfic and just enter into the computer that you send us a bad one or something?" Frank shook his head. "It's nothing personal, guys. I am but a chewtoy for the rottweiler of evil. I am but the spittoon that endures mouthful after mouthful of disgusting chewed up tobacco. I am but...." "Okay, okay, sorry we asked!" Joel grimaced. "So, what's Dr. F sending us this week?" Frank glanced at the papers he was still holding. "Well, seeing how it's the beginning of another season. He's decided to send you a lemon by a Mike Rhea. It's set in the Ranma 1/2 universe and it's titled 'A Wet Dream Come True'...." Frank started inserting the papers into the console. "Uh, I guess this is the part where I insult you and then start laughing like Jinnai from El Hazard, right?" "Pretty much, yeah." Joel and the bots nodded. "Okay then." Frank took a deep breath. "*ahem* Read this fic or die! Can you do any less?!? Ahahahahahahahahaha....ha..ha....yeah." * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE The screen winked out as Joel and Co. looked at each other. "We have to remember to pray for him," Joel remarked. Suddenly, alarms wailed and multicolored lights flashed. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!" Joel cried out. (Door 6: It slides open on both sides..) (Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you move on..) (Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.) (Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..) (Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and touches the door. The door vanishes.) (Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.) (Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.) Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right. >The endless deluge of "Ranma and Akane admit their true romantic >feelings for one another" fanfics is bad enough.Even more disturbing, >it seems that whenever I look for Ranma fanfics,I always seem to run >into at least one anti-Ukyou fanfic. Crow: Exactly what counts as an anti-Ukyou fic? Joel: I think it's anything that shows her as less than perfect. Tom: Where's Saint Ukyou when you really need her? >As a knight of the spatula girl's engagement to Ranma Saotome, Crow: I wonder how much it costs to get that printed on stationary? Tom: Not to be confused with the knights of the psychotic gymnast's obsession of Ranma Saotome. Joel: Nor the knights of the egotistical kendoist's fixation of Akane and the Pig Tailed Girl.... >not only have I run into too many of these anti-Ukyou fics Crow: I've lost a fortune getting my nose straightened! >(Sean Gaffney's "Sour Times" takes the cake, Tom: And eats it too! >as does a certain rape fic by Jeffrey "One Shot" Wong in which I've >not only managed to avoid reading after reading the description on >his fanfic page without ever clicking the link to his fic, Crow: Too bad he didn't manage to avoid complaining about it. Tom: Remember folks! Always judge a story by its description! Mike Rhea says! (giggles) >but I've also managed to avoid his page. Joel: The same exact page where he initially read the description! Crow: Oh, well that makes sens....huh?!? Tom: Sadly, Mike Rhea left Jeff Wong's page in such a hurry, he totally missed out on a great story called 'Sentenced to Life' that had Ranma and Ukyou fall in love with each other! Man, is that kooky or what? Crow: You snooze, you lose. >And I don't ever want to read that fic,in which fortunately I don't >know the title of.), Tom: Cause it's just SO bad...I....I....I can't bring myself to even *glance* at the title of the fic I'm flaming! Joel: Hearsay. Don't play that game. >these such fics(nearly all in which Ranma chooses Akane)ARE >TURNING MY STOMACH. Crow: Wait a minute. Is he still talking about Jeff's fic? Tom: These rapefics that have Akane and Ranma choosing each other must be stopped! >Thus,I've written my first lemon fanfic as an EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE >ME! Joel: For living? Crow: Excuses, excuses.... >Disclaimer: Tom: The preceding rant was a paid announcement and doesn't necessarily reflect the opinions and views of one Mike Rhea....Then again, maybe it does. Crow: Terrific. What we've got here is another Umino.... Joel: Or the Anti Kun-Chan. >None of these characters are mine, Joel: They are the slaves and sole property of Rumiko Takahashi. I liberated them without permission. >and no copyright infringement is intended. Tom: But hey, shit happens. >This fic is not intended to offend people Crow: It's intended to kill them slowly through inept characterization, horrible grammar and oh-so-shitty dialogue! Tom: Kinda jumping the gun there, aren't you, Crow? Crow: Uh, sorry. I peeked a little at the script. >who pair Ukyou with Ryouga(a pairing that would be OK if I was pairing >Ranma with Shampoo,Nabiki,Kasumi,or Kodachi;all of whom are better >bridal choices for Ranma than Akane). Joel: And that's that! If *I* say it's better, then it's better! Period! Crow: That silly Takahashi! She just doesn't understand these characters as well as I do! Tom: Wow, he even put Kodachi before Akane. Mike must *really* hate Akane. >LEMON WARNING: Tom: This fic will evoke a response not unlike sucking hard on a raw lemon. >Yes,there are strong sex scenes in this fic. Joel: Yes, there are many sentences that don't have a space between commas in this fic. Crow: Yes, the sex scenes use steroids quite frequently in this fic. Tom: Yes, Virginia, there is no Santa Claus whatsoever in this fic. >If you are underage and/or Crow: ....horny, then this fic's for you! Joel: Crow.... Tom: PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO MINUTES FOR SLASHING! >are offended by such material,please hit the BACK button on your web >browser Tom: Then kiss yourself. HEYYYYYY!!! Joel: Hey, this was on RAAC, not the web! Was he too lazy to change this? >(you have been warned). Otherwise,read on. Crow: And with that somber thought, enjoy the show! >A Wet Dream Come True Joel: Wet dreams are made of these.... Crow: I'm Crow and I disagree! >(A Ranma 1/2 Lemon Fanfic) Tom: Thank goodness Sheep isn't writing this.... >by Mike Rhea Crow: Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Miiiiiiiiiiiike Rhea! Joel: Crow, that's a song from the Mike era, you're not supposed to know about it, yet.... Crow: What? You're saying I can't have an awareness of Mike movies once in a while? Joel: Oh, forget it! Just smash the fourth wall with reckless abandon, why don't ya? Tom: Yeah! What do you think this is? #Nexus? Crow: Okay, okay! I'll knock it off! Geez, touchy bunch, aren't you? >********************************************************* Tom: If all the snowflakes in the world fell at once.... Joel: And in a straight line, no less. Crow: Must be anal-retentive snowflakes. >Ranma walked through the door Tom and Crow: Joel: Ranma Saotome *IS* Herman Munster! >of Ucchan's Okonomiyaki. Tom: So Ukyou's food have little doors built into them? Joel: I think he means her restaurant. Tom: Oh. >The bathtub at the Tendou residence was broken again, but Ranma >didn't want to go to the public baths with Happousai, Joel: So instead they caught a movie at the local theater. Tom: Happousai? Did he come in with Ranma then? >as he didn't want a repeat of that one time in which the old lech >embarrassed him and got away with it. Crow: Last time I ever bend over to get the soap in my female form.... Joel: Yes, the author is proving that he *has* read at least some of Ranma 1/2 even if he has no understanding of the characters whatsoever. >Once he walked in,he sat at the counter where his best friend Ukyou,a >bit discouraged by lack of customers,greeted him. Tom: Hey, Ucchan, why no customers around? Joel: Isn't it obvious? The author's going to put us in a lemon scene and having customers around will only complicate things. Tom: Ahh. Okay then. >"Hungry,Ran-chan?" she inquired. Crow: Starving. Tom: Got Okonomiyaki? Crow: Sure! That sounds great! Tom: Actually, I was asking YOU. I'm fresh out of ingredients. >"Do you have beef okonomiyaki,Ucchan?" he returned. Joel: Sure thing! Now where's the beef? Where is the beef? >"It'll be just a couple of minutes,Ran-chan." Crow: Yeah, that's usually how long it takes me too. Joel: What are you talking about? Crow: Oh, nothing. Joel: .... >About 2 minutes later, Tom: How about that, huh! A couple of minutes, just like I said! Damn, I'm good! >Ukyou placed a dish with a heart-shaped okonomiyaki in front of her fiance. Crow: It's so........sweet and touching.... Joel: Cool! Can I have my next one shaped like a star? >She then walked around the counter, placed another plate next to >him,and sat down. Crow: Gee....this is.....exciting....sort of....kind of..... Tom: *THRILL* as Ukyou cooks Okonomiyaki for her *RAN-CHAN!* Joel: Come on guys, you're condemning it way too soon.... >They engulfed their plates and were done within 4 minutes. Joel: Wow. They WERE hungry. Tom: Mmmmm. Porcelain. >"Ucchan,the bathtub at the Tendou Doujou is broken,and I don't want to >deal with Happousai at the public bathhouse. Crow: Yes, Happousai stalks Ranma at any time or place in the day or night! >Can I please use your bathtub?" inquired Ranma. Joel: This is when you find out who your friends really are.... Crow: Sure thing! I'll even wash your back for you! Tom: Umm, okay....but I didn't bring a scrub brush! Crow: Who said anything about using a scrub brush? Tom: Ulp! >"Help yourself,Ran-chan" replied Ukyou. Tom: But hands off my rubber ducky! Crow: Wait a minute. Is Ranma in his female form right now? Joel: Umm, I don't think so. Crow: Then why does he need to take a bath? Joel: Maybe he just feels grimy and needs to wash up? Crow: Hmm. I guess that's possible.... >Unaware that Ukyou would finally have him right where she wants him, Crow: Yeah, girls are ALWAYS tricking guys into taking a bath in order to get into their pants.... Tom: I'll wait till he's settled and then throw open the door! He'll be too embarrassed to stand up and then he'll be mine! ALL MINE!!! >Ranma walked upstairs to the bathroom,undressed,and walked straight >into the bathtub. Joel: Owwww! My shin! >Meanwhile,two minutes later, Tom: PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO MINUTES FOR COMMA STICKING AND A 10 MINUTE MISCONDUCT FOR SELF-CONTRADICTION! >Ukyou closed the restaurant early;then walked upstairs to her room,where >she undressed before walking into the bathroom where her fiance was >taking a bath. Crow: Man, she's not wasting any time, is she? Joel: And here I thought he'd be taking a bath on the roof! Silly me! Tom: Heh heh heh....so far, I kinda like this author. >While taking a bath,Ranma realized that Crow: ....the fanfic had abruptly changed perspectives. Tom: You expect this guy to understand narrative point of view when he hasn't even mastered the use of the space bar? >the soap was just outside the bathtub.Unaware that Ukyou had just walked >into the bathroom stark nude, Joel: Well, at least she isn't raving mad. Crow: Stark Nude? Is that anything like Buck Bare? Tom: Ranma should really be training more if he can't sense Ukyou sneaking up on him.... >Ranma walked out of the bathtub.At that moment,Ukyou blushed >profusely,then took an excellent look at her fiance. Joel: What was she blushing at before? Tom: Rrrrowl.... Crow: Excellent.... >She remembered when Ranma was weakened by that moxibustion Crow: Weakened by WHAT? Joel: Moxibustion? Sounds like something girls do to their boobs. Tom: He's talking about the story in Ranma 1/2 volume thirteen where Happousai used that technique that made Ranma weak. Crow: Oh yeah! You mean the story where dear sweet Ukyou found Ranma in the trash can, and didn't even think about trying to find a cure for him? Joel: Uh, yeah. >and when Genma showed her revealing pictures of her fiance(In fact,on >the second picture,she told Genma "Move your fingers!"). Crow: And while you're at it, move the commas over a space! Tom: Sooooo, Genma's showing racy photos of his son to Ukyou? Joel: Wow! He's got guts to cut into Nabiki's turf. >However,her excellent look at her nude fiance didn't go unreturned: Joel: GYAHHHHH!!! UCCHAN!!! W....WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!? Tom and Crow: Excellent!!! >Ranma,too,took an an excellent at how beautiful and desirable her body >looked. Tom: PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO MINUTES FOR TRIPPING! Joel: One more *excellent* and George Carlin's gonna show up in a phone booth. >Her breasts,normally covered in breast bindings,were very >pleasant to look at. Tom: Pleasant to look at, pleasant to hold, Ranma's damn lucky, that Ukyou's so bold. Joel: Lovely to stare at, lovely to hold, and characterization? Consider it sold! Crow: Enticing to leer at, wonderful to hold, and should they get kinky, the bath may get cold.... >He had accidentally seen Akane and Shampoo au naturel,but it obviously >couldn't top what he was seeing in his cute fiancee right before him. Tom: And of course everyone knows that bust size is the most important consideration Ranma has when deciding whom to marry. Joel: Gee, Ucchan, have you always had that much excess body hair? Crow: UGGGGH!!! JOEL!!! Joel: Heh heh heh. Take that, hentai.... >Ukyou then notiiced that Ranma was steadily looking at her,too. Tom: PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO MINUTES FOR CHECKING! TWO MINUTES FOR NO SPELLCHECKING! >*Kawaii,*thought Ranma to himself as he felt a twitch in front of >where his legs meet. Joel: Also known as the crotch, the groin, the *area*, for lack for a better term.... Crow: Huh? What the.....YAHHHHHH!! IT'S A SPIDER!!! GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!! Tom: There's your *twitch*, Mike.... >Suddenly,his looks began to make Ukyou feel a bit uncomfortable as her >already profuse blush deepened.Unable to take it anymore,she grabbed >a spare giant spatula that she kept in the bathroom and Joel: ....used it to drive a wedge between the periods and the beginning of the next sentence.... Crow: *profuse* blush? Who gave C&C for this? Gorilla Monsoon? Tom: Ucchan's been busted wide open! She's blushing profusely! Ref might have to stop this thing if it gets any worse.... >whacked Ranma on the head with it. Tom: Wack em! Wack em good! Joel: Just a minute here... she snuck into the bath for the purpose of being naked with Ranma, and now that she is, she's embarrassed? Crow: What whack wrote this scene anyway? >For a brief moment,Ranma was unconscious from the blow. Joel: Crow: What? I didn't say anything! Tom: Well, that was in case you do.... >Then,as Ukyou was still looking at him,Ranma suddenly >felt very lusty.He then started walking slowly towards Ukyou. Joel: Oh brother.... Crow: Tom: Oh baby....I wanna feel your love, baby.... Joel: Barry White! >**Music:"I Want Your Sex,"by George Michael** Tom: Shouldn't that piece be saved for lemons in men's public washrooms? Joel: Tom.... Crow: Yes, you too can own a copy of the 'A Wet Dream Come True' soundtrack! Featuring top-notch artists like Yanni, Bad News, Bob Dylan, Sinead O' Connor, Danny Elfman, Hanson, and the Brothers Gibb! Tom: Order now and receive absolutely free, the exclusive 'acoustic' version of John Williams 'Duel of the Fates'! Joel: Order your copy today, cause they're going....well....okay, actually they're just sitting here....you can just take them if you want....please? >Suddenly,Ukyou started feeling a bit uneasy and pale.Then,suddenly,her >conscience and anti-conscience appeared on each side of her head. >The anti-conscience told her *Run for your life!He's gonna rape you*. Tom: So being fearful of rape is not being conscientious? Joel: Uhhhh, Maybe it was a *bad* idea to trick Ranma into taking a bath and then strip naked and sneak into the bathroom with him.... >On the other hand,her conscience told her Tom: *Who cares? Be his sex slave!*. Crow: Let me guide you the HELL out of here! >*Get a grip!This is your own fiance!Not only is he supposed to do >this,you been dreaming of him doing this to you for at least a decade!*. Crow: A decade? So Ukyou wanted to have sex with Ranma when they were just little kids? Joel: Crow, no.... Tom: Wait a minute! Ukyou *HATED* Ranma for almost 10 years after he and Genma left her behind before she decided there was still a chance Ranma would marry her! Why would she be dreaming of him having sex with her all those years? Joel: Maybe the dreams were nightmares? >Then,Ranma suddenly interrupted his fiancee's uneasiness with these >words: Joel: I CAN'T STOP THIS FEEEEELIN.....DEEP INSIDE OF ME....GIRL, YOU JUST DON'T REALLLLIZE.....WHAT YOU DO TO MEEEE.... Crow: It's just a lemon. You just really just relax. >"Ucchan,this may hurt at first;but if my stupid old man had told me in >the first place that you were truly a girl,I wouldn't have chosen >okonomiyaki.I'm not making that same mistake again." Joel: Instead, I'm going on a journey, down the long and winding road, making one good turn after another, through the white darkness, and cruise around in a stellarcraft. I'm not saying I don't want to be sentenced to life or forced into making the right choice. Maybe you and Ryouga could date for a short while or maybe a purple haired destiny is meant for me. All I know is before you and Shampoo get down on me or you lose yourself in some okonomiyaki orgy or other affairs of the heart, you should know who really loves you and I don't want this to be the last farewell. This isn't a final attempt to keep you from crying tears of okonomiyaki. You're the winner by default, Ucchan, and my dying wish is for us both to wish upon the same star and live life to the fullest. (Tom and Crow are silent for a moment) Tom: Joel, I think you set a new record for the most fanfic plugs ever. Crow: Hang your head in shame, Joel.... Joel: Eh, someone else would have done it if I hadn't. >Ukyou blushed profusely after hearing what Ranma had just said.At >the same time,her nipples hardened Joel: Ack! My nipples have turned to stone! >and her love petals began to stir in arousal Crow: Oh yeah! Stir them love petals! Stir em real good! Tom: She's good with her petals. She should be on Howard Stern. >as Ranma finally cornered her. Joel: Cornered her? So Ukyou's been edging away from Ranma? Crow: Geez, did he slip into cat fist mode or what? >For a long time,Ranma had treated Ukyou no more than a mere old >friend.That,suddenly would change immediately: Tom: PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO MINUTES FOR ILLEGAL COMMA STICKING, TWO MINUTES FOR INTERFERENCE WITH THE RANMA AND AKANE CANON RELATIONSHIP AND *ANOTHER* 10 MINUTE MISCONDUCT FOR SELF-CONTRADICTION! Joel: Actually, there's a fair number of authors guilty of the second penalty. Crow: The one writing this MSTing included. >Ukyou bit her lip to stifle a cry of pain as she felt Ranma's hardness >break her virgin barrier. Joel: OWWWW!!! You jackass! Do the words 'foreplay', 'gently' and 'virgin' mean anything to you?!? Tom: Duhhhhh.....nope! Crow: Moments later, Ranma swallowed his tongue to stifle a scream of agony as he felt Ukyou's soft hands snap his little soldier. Joel: That's going to leave a mark.... >"Gomen nasai,Ucchan,"said a somewhat worried Ranma. Crow: Somewhat worried now that's he's scored and he's no longer a virgin.... Tom: Uh, would this a bad time to mention I have to pee? >"It's OK,Ran-chan.I was hoping you'd do that.Please continue." replied >Ukyou. Crow: You're sure it's all right? I really don't want to cause you any inconvenience or anything. Joel: Oh, no bother at all. I've thought this thing over, given it quite a lot of consideration, and I really see no problem in you going straight ahead. Tom: That's right! Use me like a piece of meat while my other erogenous zones go entirely unfulfilled! >Ranma then continued thrusting repeatedly. Joel: This is for all the men who wish they were me and for the all the women that came to see me! Crow: Now THERE'S a mental image for ya.... Tom: Did I mention I'm also a master of Anything Goes Martial Arts Pelvis Thrusting? >Though he had felt guilty about doing this to his one true friend.,he >understood that Ukyou had been dreaming of this and that it didn't >hurt her even a fraction of how much Genma's dirty trick did at least >a decade earlier. Joel: And Ranma, having used his little known psychic powers, tapped into Ukyou's mind and read her thoughts so he knew that was EXACTLY what she was dreaming! Tom: More like what the *author* was dreaming.... >Besides, pleasure had begun to erase the pain in Ukyou's nether regions. Tom: So it is written, so shall it be done. >She and Ranma began moaning in pleasure and unison.Their hips >pulsed together in hard rhythmic understanding. Tom: Maybe this lemon should be set to techno music? Crow: Right. The only thing around here that's getting any 'hard rhythmic understanding' is my *skullplate* from being force to read this crap.... >As they pumped,their breathing became ragged, Crow: By this time my lungs were aching from being ripped from my chest and stretched out like a Fruit Roll Up by Hannibal Lector! >and there was a slight squelching sound as they kept >pumping while Ranma began to fondle Ukyou's breasts. Tom: About DAMN time, Ranchan.... Joel: Pumping ain't easy. >Ukyou then wrapped her legs around Ranma's as he lifted her into the >air as the climax approached. Tom: LAST MINUTE OF PLAY IN THIS LEMON! LAST MINUTE OF PLAY IN THIS LEMON! Crow: Boy, I sure hope our readers are big hockey fans, eh? Joel: Or have at least 'Strange Brew', once or twice.... >Her moans only got louder as Ranma continued pumping. Tom: He pumps! He pumps! He pumps! He's bad in bed! Na Na Na.... Crow: Pump up the volume! Pump that baby! >With one final thrust from Ranma,Ukyou came. Tom: ....close, but no cigar! Better luck next time, Ranma! >"RAN-CHAAAAAAAAAAAN,I LOVE YOU!," Tom: Let's see....11 letters, nope, you can only have one drink.... Joel: What're you looking at? Tom: The Ranma 1/2 Fanfic Drinking Game V 2.0. So far, those playing at home should have had.....aw, who am I kidding? Reading this fic alone is enough of an excuse to chug away.... Crow: And remember kids! Don't read and drive or you might puke all over the dashboard! Actually, drinking can do that, too! >she shouted as the ecstasy of an orgasm overcome her body,her love >juices dribbling out of her sex. Tom: I like my sex like my basketball. One and one and with as little dribbling as possible.... >Just after his fiancee came,Ranma wouldn't last long himself.As soon >as he felt her fluid touch his balls,he too climaxed. Joel: Ahhh, okay, I could have done without that description.... >"UCCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN,I love you too!" he shouted >as he squirted his load all the way inside of her. Joel and Tom: AND CANNNN....YOU FEELLLLL....THE LOADDDDD....TONNNIGHT....(Tonight).... Crow: The concept of romanticizing a sex scene seems to be lost on Mike Rhea.... >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH..." Joel: Geez, are they falling down a mine shaft or what? >they both said as Ukyou felt Ranma's fluid spray inside of her, Tom: I think it's semen....at least, I'm pretty sure.... Crow: This entire lemon scene is just FLUIDS and PUMPING! Joel: Hey, at least Mike didn't use the word 'throbbing' yet.... >as about the same time the sound of an alarm clock awakened Ukyou >from her dream. All: What?!? Crow: Oh, what is this? A episode of 'Dallas' now? Joel: Terrific....Deja Vu.... Tom: Man, she must have eaten one hell of a bad okonomiyaki to come up with a wet dream like that! Crow: Sheesh.... Joel: Oh well, at least everything that happened before never did so Ukyou still hasn't and neither has Ranma so they haven't and they can't or at least they shouldn't unless they really want it but they won't, I think.... Tom: Uh, right.... >********************************************************* Tom: Oh no! It's a mob of evolved hexagons! Crow: You mean like 'Pokemon' evolved? Tom: Yeah! Look at them all! Joel: Uh, sure, whatever.... >Ukyou awakened from the dream Crow: Again?!? Tom: So she dreamed the scene change too? >to find something warm on top of her. Crow: P-Chan! What's a cute piggy like you doing here! What's that? You want to crawl in bed with me? Welllll, I guess it's okay.... Joel: Cute, Crow, real cute. >That something was her own husband,Ranma Saotome. All: WHAT?!? Crow: Oh, brother! I don't believe this! The lemon's toying with us! It's *TOYING* with us! Tom: So the last scene *did* happen then? Or was it a dream? Was it supposed to be a flashback? Was it a nightmare? Joel: Oh, who the hell knows! Crow, you going to be okay, buddy? Crow: I'm not speaking to the fanfic anymore. >Both were stark naked and "joined" at the pelvis. All: We are Siamese if you please.... >It was their first wedding anniversary,and it has also been that long >since they abandoned Nerima for their current home in western Kyoto. Tom: Unfortunately, Ryouga still managed to bump into them every couple of weeks or so.... Joel: Maybe now the rest of this fanfic will pick up? Crow: The rest of this fanfic could contain BOTH scripts of Star Wars Episodes 2 and 3 and I would still say it SUCKS. Joel: Worse than 'A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic'? Crow: I didn't say that. >"So it wasn't a dream after all,Ran-chan,"said Ukyou. Tom: Well, there's one mystery solved. Joel: Whoopee. Crow: You know, now that I've had a year to reflect on it, our first time, really, really sucked! I mean, what were you thinking?!? >"Of course it wasn't,Ucchan. Tom: Oops! Did I forget to mention I was peering into your mind while you dreamt? Joel: Ranma been reading Ukyou's mind the entire fic! He should consider joining the Psychic Friends Network... Crow: Why? So he can wear a muumuu and pay people to lie their asses off on TV? >When I told you in the bath that a truly loved you more than >okonomiyaki,it was no lie. Tom: You asked me no questions so I told you no lies! Joel: Suddenly, Ranma's writing country song lyrics.... >You are the only true friend that I've ever had.You've never made me >feel uncomfortable. Joel: You're sorta everything I've always wanted.... Crow: Well, not counting all those times you bashed me over the head with your spatula.... Tom: ... or that time you and Kodachi attacked me to try to steal the box I was giving to Akane... the bombs at the wedding... the whole Secret Sauce thing... oh yeah, the Cave of Lost Love too, and.... Joel: Uh, I think they get the point there, buddy. >Akane always made me feel uneasy.That fateful day in the bathroom >was truly a wake up call.You are truly kawaii from the inside out,no >matter what you wear." replied Ranma. All: .... Crow: What the....(censored beep)?!? >**Music:"Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad Company** Tom: Just one of the seventy songs you'll find on 'Seventy 70's!', the ultimate collection of 70's music! We've got 70 of the bes....er.....70 songs that were created DURING the 70's! That's right! We've got titles so rare, you've never even HEARD of them! And they're ALL available now on 'Seventy 70's!' Buy ten copies and get another one for 1/2 PRICE! You won't find another deal like that anywhere! 'Seventy 70's', available in music stor....er.....garage sales near YOU! >Realizing that today was the slowest day of the week business-wise, Joel: Which day was it you ask? We may never know. >Ukyou told her husband "Ran-chan,my legs are weak.Why don't we >not worry about the restaurant today and spend our anniversary in the >bedroom making passionate love to each other instead?" Joel: Gee, let me think....uhhhh....sure! >"Anything for you,Ucchan my love,"replied Ranma. Tom: Suddenly the alarm blared again! It was *another* dream! Joel: Ha ha. Very funny, Tom. >Together,Ranma and Ukyou got down to business..with each other. Crow: Poop, here it is. >Since that fateful nude encounter, Tom: NUDE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND!!! Joel: Da Da da da..... Crow: Bleah! >cooking okonomiyaki hasn't been Ukyou Saotome's lone livelyhood.The >other livelyhood is that she's been living a decade long dream,on that >has become...a wet dream come true. Tom: This is your brain. This is your brain after listening to Soundgarden one too many times. Any questions? >Overhearing yet another romantic moment between his daughter and >son-in-law,Mr.Kuonji,who reunited with his daughter as soon as >Ranma finally chose her as his bride,thought to himself *Ranma >Saotome,you have made me and my daughter proud of you once again.* Crow: And while most fathers would be extremely uncomfortable with overhearing their precious little girl having sex, Mr. Kuonji took great pride in eavesdropping on his daughter's cries of passion.... Joel: Well, at least we know ONE person who didn't look into Ukyou's dream..... >********************************************************* Tom: The line must be drawn HERE! THIS far, NO further! And *I*....will make them PAY for what they've done! Crow: That's a cool movie, man. Joel: I could get a projector and show it on my butt! Crow: I want to see it there. >Meanwhile,at Tokyo's Ueno Zoo; Tom: Giant marauding sumo pig wrecks havoc! Female trainer in custody! Film at eleven! Crow: And now, ladies and gentlemen, right up here on our stage, Tokyo Ueno! Right here, ladies and gentlemen, right here! >Ataru Moroboshi,Lum,and Ten were at the panda exhibit. Joel: ....still trying to shrug off the mental scars of 'The Kidnapping' Crow: HEY LUM!!!!! CHECK OUT THIS COOL MEGAPHONE I FOUND LYING AROUND!?!??! >There they noticed a panda from the Bayankala mountain >range in China's Qinghai province.It often held up wooden signs. Crow: ANYONE UP FOR A GAME OF SHOGI? Tom: Ah, so that's what happened to Genma, this fic's starting to look up for a change.... >"Lum,do pandas normally hold up wooden signs?" inquired Ten. Joel: No, they normally use semaphore flags. >"No,Ten.However it may be a rare species of panda,"said Lum."Darling, >do you know of any species of panda that hold up wooden signs on a >regular basis?" she asked Ataru. Crow: Darling? DARLING!! Tom: Huh? Oh, sorry! I was just watching that cute zookeeper babe feed the alligators and her shirt was loose.... Crow: DARLING NO BAKA!!! *ZAP!!!* Joel: Idiot.... >"No,but I must admit that this particular panda does seem kinda >amusing,even if he does look kinda depressed,"replied Ataru. Crow: Ataru talks kinda funny in this fanfic.... >The sign that the panda was holding up read this: Joel: 'HELP ME, HENRY J. COBB!!! YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!' Tom: 'I'LL DO TRICKS IF YOU BOIL ME SOME WATER!' Crow: 'PLEASE, PLEASE, *PLEASE*, FEED THE PANDA!' >"Has anybody seen my son?" Joel: Or my daughter, either one is fine. >THE END Crow: Whew! Well, that was pretty bad. Not as bad as Sheep's fanfic but still....BAD. Tom: Ah, it could have been worse. At least Genma got what was coming to him. >********************************************************* Joel: This lemon brought to you by 'The Thin Red Line', now available in video stores near you! Tom: AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, OUR THREE MOLSON HOCKEY STARS OF THE NIGHT ARE.....#23 UKYOU KUONJI FOR BEING A GOOD SPORT BY SELLING A LOUSY LEMON SCENE....#45 TOM SERVO FOR MANAGING TO GET THROUGH A FANFIC WITHOUT HIS HEAD EXPLODING....AND FINALLY....YOU! FOR ACTUALLY READING THIS FAR AND SURVIVING!!! YOU DESERVE IT! CONGRATULATIONS!!! >The hentai fanfic you've just read Crow: ....was a test. Had this been an enjoyable lemon, instead of a poorly conceived mess, there might have been a valid point somewhere.... >is my non-violent alternative to going postal and blowing the heads off >of known authors of anti-Ukyou fanfics Tom: It's also a cry for help. Any takers? Anyone? Crow: You mean this was supposed to be a Pro-Ukyou fic? Joel: Gee, I must have skipped over it when I plugged all those Pro-Ukyou fics earlier.... >(fics in which she either is paired with Konatsu,commits suicide,has >something terrible happen to her,or is lonely and depressed because she >doesn't have either Ranma or Ryouga to have and to hold). Joel: Thus I wrote a lemon that has Ukyou dreaming of her first time with Ranma, still not entirely sure if Ranma raped her or not that day with little foreplay and clinical descriptions of ejaculation that wouldn't have been out of place in a sex ed film. Yeah! That'll show them! Crow: Well, at least he didn't complain about Viz Video ruining the *purity* of the Ranma 1/2 anime with their dubbing and then write a lemon with Ranma-Chan as a hermaphrodite seducing Happousai in a foursome with Nabiki and Kasumi.... Tom: A disciple of Umino, that's all we need.... >SO TAKE THAT,SEAN "SOUR TIMES" GAFFNEY AND JEFF >WONG! Crow: Take my fic....Please! Pretty Please? I....I'll be your b....best friend! Aw, c....come on! I need my ego fed! DAMMIT, I NEED MY EGO FED! WAAAAAH! >Special thanks to the Philip Mak,Yoru-Hikage,and Nall(whose various >lemon fics that pair Ranma with Ukyou inspired my first lemon);as well >as Ryan Anderson,the author of the non-lemon "Parody of a Moment," Joel: Oh sure, suck up to the others now that you've practically ripped Sean and Jeff a new one.... >which not only was written in response to the endless deluge of "Ranma >and Akane admit their true romantic feelings for one another" fics on >the Internet,but also helped inspire my first ever lemon fic,which >I've not only written in response to the endless deluge Crow: These author's notes are an endless deluge.... >of "Ranma gets Akane" fics,but specifically the anti-Ukyou fics I've >described at least twice. Tom: *Described* isn't the word I would have chosen.... >BTW,that Jeff Wong rape fic ain't the only Ranma fic I've >refused to read after reading the description on a listing page(reading >the description,in fact,was all I needed to prejudge it.:P) Joel: You know, I'm getting the strangest feeling he's trying to tell us something but he can't seem to spit it out.... Crow: Judge a book by it's cover! Saves time on reading! Less learning to worry about! >:Did you know that I haven't had(and won't ever have) the guts to read >a single chapter of "Daigakusei no Ranma/Daigakusei no Ukyou"(the >so-called continuation fanfic series)? Crow: I'm scared! All that text! All those sentences with spaces after their periods and commas! IT'S....IT'S JUST TOO MUCH!!! WAAAAAH! >What other fanfics do I have up my sleeve? Tom: None! They're all up his as.... Joel: Ah, let's just say he's full of Bullwinkle.... >You never know.Remember,I'm the same fanfic author who's Crow: ....just written this really lame lemon so who KNOWS what I'm capable of once I get going! >written at least 2 fanfics that pair up Tsubasa and Konatsu as a >couple(which,IMHO,is the only right way to either character in a >Ranma fanfic). Crow: It's my right way or the highway! >Before you even think about flaming me,this is all I have to say: Joel: Please don't! I can't handle the truth! >If you've read this far,why are you complaining? Joel: Cause we're masochists. Deal with it. Tom: Two words. The MADS. >Other than the anti-flame warning,C&C are welcome. Crow: Take it away, Joel.... Joel: Well, you could put some spaces between the commas and periods for starters....and you could make the lemon scene a little more interesting and romantic, rather than going about it mechanically....and maybe work on making the characters more IC and work a little more on the story elements. Ummmm....Anything else you guys want to add? Tom: Nah, that's pretty much what I was going to say. >You can find more Ranma and Ukyou fanfics (by myself and other >authors) on my page(the champagne of Ranma romance sites), Crow: With champagne wishes and caviar wet dreams come true.... >devoted to the true eternal couple of Ranma 1/2. Tom: Gosunkugi and Shampoo? Joel: Ack! Crow: Aiya! >Mike Rhea >Webmaster of The Ranma and Ukyou Pages! >http://rei.animenetwork.com/ranchan/ Crow: Ask for him by flame! Joel: Crow.... Crow: Sorry. >"Akane,when you get so heavy?"-Shampoo,"Team Ranma vs. the >Legendary Phoenix" Tom: We'll save our quote for the stinger.... >Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ >Share what you know. Learn what you don't. Tom: Mind what have you learned. Crow: Flee while you can. Let's go, Joel! (Joel picks Tom up and follows Crow out of the theater.) * * * THE HOLOCABANA Joel stood in front of a red stage curtain, a spotlight illuminating him. "And now, gentle readers, here is our version of the lemon scene in today's experiment. 'A Wet Dream Come True." Starring Tom, Crow and Gypsy. Enjoy." Joel walked off and the curtain rose to reveal the interior of a large bathroom. Ran Servo, wearing a black wig tied into a pigtail, had just settled down into the bathtub when he suddenly remembered he had left the soap outside. Cursing inwardly, he rose from the bath to get it....and found himself face to face in front of a naked Ukcrow. For a brief moment, Ran Servo was frozen in place. Then with a terrified yelp, he launched himself back into the nearest corner, trying to cover himself up and shield his eyes at the same time. Since his arms failed to perform either task, Servo had to settle for looking away. "U....U...Ukcrow! W....What do you think you're doing?!?" Ran Servo cried out. "Don't you.....*want* me?" Ukcrow asked in a sexy voice. "Wha...?!? Are you sick or something?!? I just wanted to take a bath!" Ran Servo's voice was panicked as he searched the bathroom for a way to escape. "If Gypkane sees us like this...." "Ranchan, forget about Gypkane for a second and look at me!" Ukcrow shouted. "I can't! You're naked! Put on some clothes first!" Ran Servo retorted, hovering near the ceiling now but continuing to look away. There was a short pause. Then Ran Servo could hear a sigh of resignation. "Okay, Ranchan. I'll get dressed again. Go sit over by the tub and we'll talk." Ran Servo remained frozen in place, his sense of danger ringing like a fire alarm. "Where the hell was my sense of danger when Ukcrow snuck up on me?!?" Ran Servo thought to himself as he finally forced himself to hover back down and over to the bathtub and carefully rested on the edge near the faucets. He then tried to nudge the cold water faucet with his head but was unable to turn it. A moment later, Joel rushed onto the stage, and turned the cold water nozzle. Tom stuck his head under it for a moment and then Joel replaced Tom's black pigtail wig with a red pigtail wig before rushing off-stage again. "There. She won't come after me as a girl." Ran-Chan Servo thought to herself triumphantly. Then she felt someone sit beside her. "Okay, Ranchan, you can open your eyes now." "Good, now Ukcrow, what's the deal with....ack!!!" Ran-Chan Servo involuntarily reeled backwards in shock and Ukcrow gently pushed her back into the bathtub. The hot water in the tub proceeded to do absolutely nothing as Ran Servo's wig fell off and he cried out in shock, "CROW!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?" "Ummm, trying to change you back into a guy?" Ukcrow replied sheepishly. "Besides, you're breaking character!" he hissed. "I CAN'T HOVER WHEN I'M WET, YOU IDIO....blub blub blub...?!?" Ukcrow had pushed Ran Servo's head underwater and frantically gestured for Joel to come on stage. "What's going on?" Joel asked. "Shhhhh! You're Ranma now!" Crow whispered under his breath. "Say the next line, quick!" "Uh....er....Oh, yeah! I mean, Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease don'tletakaneseeme...." Joel whimpered in his best Ranma imitation as Ukcrow giggled. "Ranchan, you're so cute when you tremble like that." "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAANNNN SERRRRRRRRVOOOO!!!" a familiar voice screeched. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH HER?!?" "A....A....Akane!!!" Joel yelped as he did his best to look mortified on the spot. "I....It's not what it looks like, I swear! Ukcrow tricked me!" "It's Gypkane!" Crow corrected him. "Gypkane, Ukcrow tricked me! You gotta believe me!" Gypkane stood in the doorway, a Furinkan school uniform hanging loosely on her cylinder body, and a short hair wig resting on her head. "Just how stupid do you think I am, Ran Servo!" she screeched. "Go away! Can't you see Ran Ser....uh....Joel-o-rama and I want to be alone!" Ukcrow retorted. "Besides, what could he possibly see in a flatchested tomboy like you!" "WHO ARE YOU CALLING FLATCHEST...oops!" Gypkane screeched as her wig suddenly fell off from the vibration of her mouth movements. Joel hurried over to her to replace the wig, trying not to break up laughing, as a panicked voice made itself heard. "Uh, hello! Robot without arms or hoverjets drowning in bathtub here! Could somebody help me, PLEASE!" Tom sputtered as he desperately tried to keep his head above the surface of the bathwater. "Time out." Joel announced as he reached into the bathtub and gingerly helped Tom of the bathtub, cradling him in his arms. "You okay, Tom?" Tom spat some water out. "Just because I look like a buoy doesn't mean I can float, you know!" he muttered. "Sorry about that, Tom. Just throwing myself into the part," Crow said as he walked up to Joel. Tom immediately began struggling. "Let me at him! Let me at him!" Tom snarled as he struggled to attack Crow. "Woah, Servo, I said I was sorry!" Crow exclaimed. "Come on, Tom, let's get those hoverjets dry." Joel said as he walked out of the Holocabana, leaving Crow and Gypsy behind. They looked at each other for a moment before Gypsy spoke. "Ummm, am I supposed to mallet you now or something?" * * * DEEP 13 Frank processed the information gathered from the experiment and filed it away, neat and tidy. Then he walked back over to the console and send a call to the Satellite of Love. A few moments later, Joel appeared on the screen. "What's up, Frank?" Joel inquired. "Uhhh, well....Isn't this where you and Dr. F usually have a final exchange of words before I push the button?" "But Dr. F isn't here. Why not just push the button and knock off early?" Joel replied. "Yeah. I guess I could knock off early. The experiments done and there's no chores that can't wait till tomorrow. Yeah, I think I will knock off early! Thanks, Joel!" "No problem! Oh, and before you go, can you send us down to earth so we can use the bathroom? Our toilets are backed up here and it'll only take a min...." Frank interrupted the transmission by turning off the viewscreen. He gave the button a press before heading down towards his room and collapsing into his bed. Then his eyes grew wide and he leapt to his feet, bolting back into the laboratory and frantically smashed his hand on another button on the console with the caption 'PRESS IN CASE OF STUPIDITY' Once he was certain the command to bring the Satellite of Love down to earth had been canceled, a sigh of relief escaped from his lips. "That was too close." he gasped as he carefully pushed the correct button this time and then stumbled back to his room. ...AND THE MSTINGS CONTINUE... I hope you enjoyed this and C&C is very welcome. (fcasper@yesic.com) Author's Notes: And so the third season begins! I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have writing it. I've been MSTing for over 2 years now and I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every person who's send me words of support and encouragement and who have helped me throughout these last two years. I treasure every piece of fan mail I receive and I consider it a great honor that some people have dedicated their MSTings to me and tell me that I helped encourage them to start MSTing. To all of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to inspire and make you laugh for a long time to come. :) Also, I'd like to give personal thanks, once again, to Gary Kleppe, whose C&C and suggestions are always appreciated. I can't say enough nice things about this guy! :) If you haven't had a chance to check out his latest work 'I Dream of Ranma', you can reach him at kleppe@execpc.com or his webpage at http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics and I'm sure he'll be happy to send the story along to you. Also, I'd like to thank Alicia Ashby, who also gave me some valuable C&C before I started posting this around. ;) Finally I'd like to thank Mike Rhea for writing "A Wet Dream Come True" and giving me a lot of material to work with. I hope you're not too offended. It's all meant in good fun. Megane 6.7 Tribute Page http://freehosting1.at.webjump.com/sv/svhp-webjump/megane.html Megane 6.7 Fanfiction http://freehosting1.at.webjump.com/sv/svhp-webjump/megfics.html Shizen's Versatile Home Page V3.0 http://svhp.webjump.com/ Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/ SEASON ONE ------------------ 101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon) 102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon) 103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman (SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER) 104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic) w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic) 105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic) 106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic) 107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton (La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover) 108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic) 109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky (SM/WWF Crossover) w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover) 110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic) SEASON TWO ------------------- 201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon) 202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon) 203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM Fanfic) 204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic) 205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon) 206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover) 207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers) 208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic) 209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon) 210- "THE KIDNAPPING" PT. 1-2 by SMendou (UY Lemon) SEASON THREE ---------------------- 301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Lemon) SHORTY! ------------- 101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY! 102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET! 103- PHEROMONES! 104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!! OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO --------------------------------------------------------- "DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic) "MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover) Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/ "THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon) "9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon) Lefty's MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm 'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE! (Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle) Mystery Wrestling Theater! http://members.aol.com/mrnoun/MWT3K.htm "THE DAY OF EMERGANCE" by Jeffrey Lee (Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover) Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING The Official Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong http://www.li.net/~jeffwong/index.htm Flashman's Flash Point http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/ Website Number 9 MSTings http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page! http://members.tripod.com/~CarnageBooga/index.html A Sailor Moon Romance http://moonromance.simplenet.com/ Zen's Fanfiction Page http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html Webdragon's Lair http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/ Sakura's Lemon Fan-Fiction Archive http://anime.muck.com/~sakura/main.html Sean Gaffney's Webpage http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html "For a brief moment,Ranma was unconscious from the blow.Then,as Ukyou was still looking at him,Ranma suddenly felt very lusty." Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1999 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Keep Circulating the Fanfics....