From: ukyoukwnji@aol.com (UkyouKwnji) Subject: [Ranma][Fanfic] the bet-turning the tables Standard Takahashi disclaimers, plus apologies to Gregg Sharp for messing with his "the Bet" series. ***** At the top of the hill, Toltiir's eyes widened at the sight. All he could see of the approaching deity was his legs, and the hands peeking out from the bottom of the rock. The rock itself was large enough to hide anything that would have helped him to identify this newest contestant. "Uh..." the lord of Chaos called out, "are you aware of the rules of this bet? I said the *smallest* rock making the *largest* ripples wins..." "Wins what?" the deity behind the rock grunted, and set it down with a thud. "I don't recall what the prize was; anyway, I'm just here to have fun with it..." and he set his head in his hands, his elbows and the rock, and now Toltiir recognized... "Loki...!" Loki grinned. "Hey, I'm entitled to mess with your rules. You aren't the *only* god of Chaos up here, after all. So I'm gonna toss the *largest* rock to get the *smallest* ripple. Whaddya say?" The black cat shrugged. "You won't get my vote..." "As if I care." "...but you brought that thing this far, you might as well pitch it in." Loki stood up, and bowed stiffly. "*Thank* you," he said, in a voice that implied resentment over Toltiir's grudging admission. He picked up the boulder with a loud grunt, and heaved it into the well. There was a deep quiet as it fell, and Loki turned to his colleague. "Now... watch this." ***** The little old man bounded merrily through the woods, followed by the panda and the red-haired girl, who were in considerably worse spirits. "C'mon, c'mon! You'll miss all the fun!" "Look, Gramps," the girl called out, "It's almost evening, for crying out loud. You sure about where that secret training ground is supposed t'be?" Happosai suddenly stopped and wheeled around, a wounded look on his face. "Ranma, m'boy... come here for a moment, would you?" Now Ranma stopped, and began to back up. "Nuh-uh... I'm not lettin' ya feel me up, you old freak." Happosai's expression took on a measure of disgust. "Feh. As if I'd bother with the likes of you when we're so close to our goal. I said come here... I promise I won't touch you like that." Rolling her eyes, Ranma stepped up to Happosai. "Yeah, what is it?" Faster than the eye could see, or Ranma could react, the old man had whipped his pipe out and clobbered the girl with it. She was sprawled on the ground, spread-eagled, hands in the traditional warding-sign posture. "Just shut up and follow me!" And he bounded off again. By this time, Genma-panda had caught up with his son-girl. [Rule no. 1 of the School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts, boy... "Never Question The Master"] "Aw... stick it in your ear, Pops." Just then, they heard Happosai's cry. "This is it!" Ranma scrambled to her feet, and she and the panda charged off in the direction of their Master's voice... ...and stopped, stock-still, in front of what looked like either a bar or brothel; it was hard to tell. MEN'S TRAINING GROUND: SEXY KUNOICHI TEA SHOP Ranma nearly facefaulted before cracking Happosai on his bony noggin. "What the fuck kind of training are we supposed be doing here?" "Exactly!" Happosai called over his shoulder as he bounced inside. He tossed a small brochure over his shoulder, as well, which Ranma caught handily: 'Secret Play Spot Information: According to legend, the kunoichi are a special type of girl ninjas. They live by but three rules; to be adventurous, very sexy, and looking for action. If you think you may be up to the challenge, come visit...' Ranma slapped the pamphlet shut and followed the old man and *her* old man inside, looking for a handy trash can. ***** "Kunoichis? You're starting awfully late in the timeline, aren't you?" "Well, of course I am. Otherwise, even the smallest pebble could make huge ripples. Start late, and the effect is minimized." Loki smiled as Toltiir stared at him. "Hey, all I'm doing is the opposite of what the others have been doing, isn't it? What are you looking at me like that for?" Toltiir shook his head, and returned his attention to the scrying pool. "You're weird..." "Coming from you, I'll take that as high praise..." ***** The little old man had leapt onto the counter, and was banging on the bell like fury. "Service! SERVICE!!" A curtain leading to a back room parted, and a wrinkled little prune of a woman stepped out. The three martial artists involuntarily took a step backward. The old prune arched an eyebrow at the reaction. She was used to this. "Mama-san..." and the three guests sighed in relief, "Kotet-chaaaan." She clapped her hands three times. "Girls!" >From behind the curtain stepped two of the most gorgeous creatures it had been nature's privilege to produce. Ranma-chan was agape at the visions before them. Genma-panda was sweating so hard that the warm water restored him to human form. Even Happosai was drooling. The long-legged one curtsied, an anachronistic gesture when wearing a micro-mini like she was... and, for that matter, almost obscene. She was clearly wearing nothing underneath that skirt, and with the hem inching up as she bent her legs, she came dangerously close to displaying *all* of her charms. Her name trickled from her lips flirtatiously: "Ko-e-da-chaaaan" The other girl, slightly plumper than her sister, bowed in the traditional manner, which was appropriate in her kimono. What was inappropriate was that the folds of the kimono were much too loose, and it was all she could do to prevent her ample breasts from pushing the folds apart entirely. As it was, the three martial artists were treated to a sight of cleavage that would make the mountain ranges envious. "Koeme-chaaaaan." ***** Toltiir's jaw dropped at the sight of Kotet's two daughters, and a slight trickle of blood ran from his nose. Loki touched the cat's lower jaw, raising it to meet his upper. "Take it easy, kittie. You're starting to act like Oscar's Artemis..." Loki's grin widened considerably. Even if no one else was, at least *he* was having fun. "How the hell did you manage that, Loki?" The other god of Chaos waved modestly. "Oh, I had some help from Fregya and Aphrodite, actually. But I had to use black hair over their templates, obviously... it would have looked kinda out of place here in Japan, ne?" Toltiir tore his eye from the lovelies in the scrying pool. "Now hold on, Loki. These girls are knockouts, I'll grant you that. But what makes this such a big change, anyway?" "Did I ever SAY it was a big change?" "B-but... you said it was the biggest rock..." "Well, sure I did." Again, a twisted grin crinkled its way across Loki's face. "You don't understand what that rock represents, do you?" "No, but I gather you're going to tell me..." "Yup. That rock..." Loki gestured into the well, "represents all the fat I had to carve offa Koeme to render her even *presentable*." Toltiir facefaulted. ***** Happosai practically flew to Koeme, embedding himself in her chest. She gave a pained smile; after all, this was her job, to accomodate eager men. But even for her it was tempting to smash him into orbit like virtually every other female on the planet. Koeda strode over to a still-sweating Genma. Her nose wrinkled ever so slightly. "C'mon there... let's get you into a nice bath, ne?" Ranma-chan stood back in the corner trying to render herself invisible. It didn't work - of course, she was up against a clan of ninjas. "Koeda..." Kotet called out, "could you get Konatsu to see to this one?" Mama-san practically spat this new name out. ***** "Well, this rules out the Happodaikaren, you realize. I don't see how you're going to get this thing back to what passes for normal here... assuming that's your goal." "Don't worry. Just because ol' Happi doesn't destroy the place doesn't mean it won't fall. Trust me." "You're a god of Chaos, Loki. I'd be a fool to trust you." Loki stuck out his tongue at his colleague/rival. "Takes one to know one, eh?" ***** Konatau sighed while doing the laundry in a nearby pond. "Step-sisters... by now, they're probably having fun with some men." The kunoichi held up a towel, inspecting it for any remaining stains. "I'd better hurry. If I don't get these towels back to them soon," and there was another sigh; the pile that remained looked enormous, "they'll yell at me." "KONATSUUUU!!" Too late. Koeda was calling. Konatsu snapped to attention as the older girl approached. Grabbing a wrist, Koeda half-dragged Konatsu back to the teahouse. "Come on, you..." "But the laundry..." "Later! We've got customers, and Mama-san needs you, too..." Konatsu's eyes lit up. Customers! This was the calling of the kunoichi! 'Looking for action...' and now here it was! "Honto ne?" "Yes, yes..." Koeda's reply was impatient as she dragged her step-sibling into the shop and thrust Konatsu at Ranma-chan. "There ya go. Sorry about this, miss," Koeda shrugged apologetically at Ranma-chan, "but it's the best we can do. We're a small operation, after all. Now, if you'll excuse me..." and she hustled Genma off to the bath. It wasn't that she was so eager to service Genma; Koeda had absolutely zero taste for women. Besides, it made for a good joke on her step-sibling, having to service a lesbian. ***** "What's this about a lesbian? Ranma's no lesbian... he's a guy." "You know that, I know that, and he knows that..." Loki smirked, "but do the kunoichi know that? And what's *she* doing in a place like this unless she was into girls, right?" Something still nagged at the feline deity. Then, it struck him. "Waitaminnit, Ranma's supposed to be a guy here, isn't he? You're cheating! You made more changes!" Loki shrugged off the accusation. "So what? You know how the rain can be in Japan... especially around the Saotomes. Besides, I think it's funnier this way." "Oh... I can accept that, I guess..." "Anyway, there's more demand for lez scenes than yaoi..." "Mm..." Toltiir nodded, then sat up abruptly. "Hold it... d'ju say 'lez scenes'? You're not gonna..." Loki's face was unchangingly mirthful. "You wouldn't! You didn't put a lemon tag on that rock!" "Oh dear... I *knew* I forgot something..." Loki's tone was mockingly calm. "Don't get your tail caught in a rocking chair, kittie. Nothing's gonna happen... trust me." "That makes twice you've said that... now I *know* there's gonna be trouble..." ***** Konatsu had no idea where to go with Ranma-chan. It took Kotet to drag the two of them to a well-appointed bedroom and toss the two stunned teenagers in. "You know what to do, Konatsu..." Slam! Konatsu stared at the other child. She didn't even look like she wanted to be here. How to make things easier for her...? There was probably nothing Konatsu could have done to make it easier. Ranma-chan was uncomfortable enough as this girl approached her, taking her by the shoulders, and setting her on the bed. Even the kneading the kunoichi was doing on her shoulders wasn't doing her much good. She just sat there, numb. was all that could run through her brain, and, until she could come up with a suitable answer, her mind was stuck on that one, heedless of the fact that Konatsu was now unbuttoning her blouse, slowly, button by button, anticipating a resistance that never came. Konatsu loosened the drawstring of Ranma-chan's trousers, and carefully slid them to the floor. The kunoichi wondered whether he should try to stimulate her in some way, however that might be. The glazed look in the girl's eyes, combined with her unresponsiveness thus far, led to a belief that it wouldn't have much effect. Konatsu mused, sliding Ranma-chan's boxer shorts to the ground, and parting the girl's legs ever so slightly. ***** "Uh..." Loki tapped Toltiir's shoulder. "Yes?" "You might want to plug your ears about now..." "What?!" ***** The kunoichi knelt down, head barely inches from Ranma-chan's crotch. Konatsu's eyes were on the girl's face as he approached her, hoping for some sort of reaction. When his tongue finally touched her... there... he got one. "EEEEEYAAAAAAA...!!!" ***** "I SAID, YOU MIGHT WANT TO COVER YOUR EARS, KITTIE!" "WHAT?!!" Toltiir's paws were already covering his entire head, in a vain attempt to drown out Ranma-chan's ongoing scream. "I... OH, NEVER MIND..." "WHAT?!" Loki fought the urge to bop Toltiir on the back of his head for that last "what." Even fellow gods of Chaos couldn't always tell when their colleagues were being serious, and when they were cracking wise. ***** "...AAAAAAAAAUUUUGGH!!!" A brilliant white light began to emanate from the screaming girl, and Konatsu, who had already scrambled to his feet when the scream started, darted out of the room completely. In no time at all, the room was bathed in Ranma-chan's aura. ***** "What in the name of..." Toltiir waved his paw wordlessly, suddenly realizing how stupid it sounded to take a god's name in vain when he himself was one. "Ki, of course. Not as controlled as his standard Mouko Takabisha confidence blast, or Ryoga's Shishi Houkoudan, but effective enough for the purpose at hand..." ***** Ranma-chan continued screaming as her aura began to push at the walls of the bedroom. They bowed outward, then broke with a thunderous crash. At the center of the explosion, Ranma-chan was spared simply because of the force of the ki blast - everything was moving away from her. Even the ceiling defied gravity, and folded up before collapsing in a circle around her. Suddenly, the aura vanished, Ranma-chan's shock spent. She stood, untouched, amidst the rubble. She ran off naked, her clothes having been destroyed in the blast. She'd grab some leaves out here in the woods and try to make the best of it while she found her way back home... ***** Loki smiled. "Fun, wasn't it?" Toltiir face was screwed into a dubious expression. "You call this back to normal?" "Well, more or less. Happi and Genma will take the opportunity to run off without paying for the kunoichi's, erm... services. Konatsu gets sent to avenge the teahouse, and things just go from there. Whaddya think?" "Hm. I'd like to see how Ranma copes with being naked for a while." The Norseman raised an eyebrow as he turned to the cat. "Weren't you just calling *me* a pervert for threatening to put a lesbian scene in here? *Now* who's the pervert?" The cat waved his paws in front of his face. "Hey, it was just a thought." Loki shrugged, then clapped Toltiir on the back. "Anyway, whaddya say we go get ourselves a few meads, huh? Hauling that thing up here was thirsty work, after all..." "Sure... why not?" The cat jumped down from the edge of the scrying pool, and headed down the hill, Loki following close behind. "By the way, kittie..." "Toltiir." "Yeah, whatever. Why'dja put the damn thing all the way up this hill, anyway?" ***** *****