De: "Jack Staik" Objet: [Ranma/Xover][FanFic] Our Wedding Day - Part 14 Date : lundi 19 juin 2000 01:00 DISCLAIMER: I deny the existence of any naughty or suggestive parts in this chapter. This time I mean it. Honest. (Ignore those crossed fingers behind my back.) -------------------- Ranma 1/2: "Our Wedding Day" pt. 14 by Lady Tesser and Jack Staik -------------------- Ukyo stared out into the night. She often did that in the past, thinking of her Ranchan and the life they would have together. All her fantasies were rather domestic; nothing else ever entered her mind. Just her and Ranma and the cute babies they would have. Never being alone ever again. But now, she couldn't really do that anymore. But she still tried. All that kept popping up in her mind's eye was Ranma with an arm around Akane. She sighed. Somewhere inside herself, she'd accepted that Ranma was with Akane. Now she was alone. One of the things she faced in her counseling sessions was her fear of abandonment; Genma dumping her by the road, her mother dying, her father making her grow up male under threat of leaving her in an orphanage ... all these things were about being abandoned. She'd just clung to the idea of marrying Ranma because she wanted someone who would never abandon her. Konatsu would never abandon her. All through her bad spell, Konatsu had been by her side. Ranma never even came to visit. Probably too busy boinking his precious fiancee. Oddly, she didn't even get angry at Ranma for that thought. All she felt was disappointment. Konatsu would never abandon her... She strode to Konatsu's room, where the male kunoichi was getting ready for bed. Konatsu turned at the sound of the door opening. Ukyo stared at him oddly, her feminine curves accented by the t- shirt and shorts she wore. Ukyo gazed at Konatsu, who looked adorable in his pink nightdress. "Yes, Ukyo-sama?" he asked. She came over to him and grabbed his shoulders. "You'd never leave me, would you, Natsu-chan?" Konatsu found breathing more difficult for some reason. "No. I'd never leave you, Ukyo-sama." She stepped back and pulled off her shorts. "U-ukyo-sa-sama?" Konatsu stammered. Ukyo shoved him back on the bed. Konatsu looked up helplessly as Ukyo pressed down on him. "I-I-I-" he stuttered. Ukyo silenced him with a kiss. "You're mine now, sugar." Konatsu was paralyzed with emotion. Ukyo ground her pelvis into the smaller man while her teeth nipped at his earlobes and neck and her hands explored his torso. All he could do was moan in fear and ... something else. Soon, she felt his response. "Mmmmm .... good little kunoichi." She reached down and positioned him. "Now, just relax. This may hurt a bit at first, but soon it'll feel good." Konatsu just whimpered. Afterwards, with Ukyo gently snoring atop him, Konatsu finally relaxed. What had just happened was the scariest ... and most wonderful ... thing in his entire life. "Mmmmm ..." Ukyo muttered. "Natsu-sama will stay with me f'rev'r," she mumbled, squeezing him tight. "Nev'r run off. Stay 'round an' make babies." Konatsu hugged Ukyo gently. "As you wish, Ukyo-sama." Ukyo, meanwhile, dreamt of little spatula-wielding androgynous ninja children calling her 'Mommy'. * * * * * * * * * * Shampoo beamed at her future husband as he came in from his bath. She thought it was cute the way he avoided looking directly at her nearly-nude body while at the same time trying to 'check her out' from the corners of his eyes. "[Ryoga,]" she asked sweetly. "[Have you thought of having children one day?]" He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well ... yeah. One day. But we'll have Conditioner to bring up first." She nodded in agreement. "[But one day, some of our own.]" "Oh, yeah. Just not as many as my pop had." "[Big families are a blessing of the Goddess, Airen.]" "Not that big." He sat on the edge of Shampoo's bed. "What brought that thought up?" "[Talking with Nodoka.]" Ryoga chuckled. "She wants to become ... whatever your father's mistress is in relation to your children. Grandmother? Aunt?" "[Perhaps. But she's more anxious about having her own again.]" Ryoga looked shocked. "She wants to have another kid? At her age?" "[No,]" Shampoo clarified. "[She's pregnant right now.]" She swatted him with a pillow. "[And she's only thirty- eight!]" Ryoga just sat quietly, then covered his face with his hands. "Oh, Pop! How could you do this to Mom?!?" "[What makes you think it's your father's, Ryoga?]" Ryoga laughed a sad laugh. "A child is conceived within ten kilometers of Ichiro Hibiki, and you have the nerve to ask me that?" Shampoo nodded. "[Well, she *did* say it was Ichiro's. But the child will be *your* sibling, too.]" Ryoga slumped. "Oh great. Another child to grow up without a father." Shampoo scooted over the bed and rubbed Ryoga's shoulders. "[But the child will have three older brothers and two older sisters. As well as the Nerima Amazons and Ranma's family. Whatever else, this Hibiki will not grow up unloved or alone.]" "Yeah," Ryoga agreed. "This one will do better." They snuggled each other gently, thinking odd thoughts about their relationship, their future family, and the oddity of them talking in two different languages when they conversed. A crash came from downstairs. "Intruders!" he hissed, grabbing his umbrella. "[I didn't think any housebreakers in Tokyo were stupid enough to come around the Nekohanten again,]" Shampoo said wonderingly. "[Oh, well - we'll just have to re-educate them.]" As they went down to the dining area, Ryoga was too focused to notice that Shampoo was clad only in panties. She smiled to herself as she imagined his eventual reaction. They stopped right on the last step and saw about a dozen intruders. All clad in 'traditional' black ninja outfits. All rather portly. "[Ninja pigs,]" Shampoo whispered. "What are they doing?" Ryoga whispered back. One ninja pig tripped over a chair, and another tripped over him. This startled the two nearest pigs, who turned and ran into each other. "[Being incompetent,]" Shampoo answered. "[It seems that Pig-Girl trains excellent sumotori, but only mediocre ninjas.]" "Don't forget - pigs have lousy eyesight." "[Oh, really?]" Shampoo said, a nasty grin on her cute face. "[Thanks for that bit of information, Airen.]" Shampoo reached for the light controls - not the normal light switch, but the flashing disco lights the Nekohanten used for their Saturday karaoke night and the occasional private party - and turned them up to maximum. "[Cover your eyes, dear.]" [FLASH!!][FLASH!!][FLASH!!][FLASH!!][FLASH!!][FLASH!!][FLAS H!!][FLASH!!] "BWEEEEEEEEE!!! SQUEEEEEE!!!" Dazed and blinded ninja pigs ran randomly around in panic, running into each other, the walls, the flimsy furniture ... "They're wrecking the place, Shampoo-chan." "[KILL!!!]" Ryoga and Shampoo leapt to the attack. It was swift. It was brutal. It was no contest. In less than a minute, the pigs were all on the floor, some alive, some not. Shampoo brushed off her hands. "[Looks like we'll be having pork specials for the next couple of months.]" Ryoga, being blinded and disoriented, unable to determine direction normally, found the light switch immediately and turned on the normal lighting. "That was fun, Shampoo-chan, but what are we going to do with all these ... pigs ..." He stared bug-eyed at his fiancee's body, clad only in a sheer pink panty with the surface area of a butterfly's wing. "[Problem, Airen?]" she asked, grinning. [THUD!!] She shook her head at her unconscious love. "[My poor shy darling. And how am I supposed to get that bloodstain out of the carpet?]" * * * * * * * * * * Kasumi lay awake in bed, listening to the sounds of the house. She heard the various clocks through the house, the personal fans used by members of the family to sleep during hot nights, Nabiki snoring and mumbling something about lack of payment will result in exposure... Then there was Ranma and Akane with their disgraceful din, the faint squeak of the bed and other noises. She listened closer and heard Ranko up in her room, writing and crying gently. Kasumi settled further into her pillow and sighed deeply. It seemed overnight her own home had turned into an alien place. She knew it would have happened eventually, even saw the day that Ranma and Akane would spend their first night together just talking until dawn. Akane has accused her of throwing her to the dogs when Ranma first showed up to be presented as a fiance. The eldest Tendo girl just *knew* that both would love each other. Trying to control Nabiki from interfering was the hardest part. Yet, even Kasumi admitted Nabiki was ensuring the two would only love each other; Nabiki was just protecting their little sister from a potential heartbreaker. She turned over and stared at the wall. She remembered about a week after the Saotomes showed up and she felt the need to go down to the dining room in the middle of the night. There she found Ranma-onna, sitting on the porch and staring at the hazy sky. Yet, it wasn't Ranma, it was Ko- chan. How everything changed and made sense! It was nice having a friend to talk to in the past year. Everyone else had been just acquaintances, really. But with Ranko, she could let her mask slip off. Now, everything she had felt and suspected was coming to fruition. Akane was maturing, and she and Ranma were wed and happy. Even her dear Ko-Chan was close to happiness. And she'd found dear Jiro, who was slowly letting the shy boy peek out from behind his macho ass**** facade. Soon, this long, hard beginning would be over, and their lives would truly begin. Sighing, she allowed her consciousness to unwind from the present moment, searching for tomorrow in the place between dreams and wakefulness. She saw Ryoga some years later, crying into his sake because Shampoo was pregnant with yet another child ... Ranma and Akane breaking up a dispute over a new manga between their twins and their cousin Jiro that accidentally destroyed part of a Self-Defense Force military base ... Tofu and Ranko working at a clinic specializing in pediatric medicine ... Nabiki managing a brothel in someplace called 'Nevada' ... Ukyo and Konatsu and their children ... She pushed the tide closer to the present and rummaged through the odd visions of sewers and Chinese landscapes and fixed upon what she took to be the near future. She felt everyone's aura linked to this ... but the vision was confused with the static of pigs, monsters, water, and girls with magical abilities, as well as apocalyptic levels of violence. If this was the wedding of Ranma and Akane, then it wouldn't be that unusual. Or even unexpected. * * * * * * * * * * The next morning found Akane out in the dojo, practicing her newer, more exotic moves. Nabiki was in the bath, brushing her teeth. Kasumi had gone out early, and Ranma decided to fix breakfast - much to his insistence that Akane mustn't ruin her lovely hands with menial tasks ("That's the biggest load of crap you've told me yet!" she had pointed out, but let him cook anyway). Ranko was setting the table when Ranma had tossed out the serving dishes, causing all to land on the table without any food spilt. "Everyone, breakfast!" he called out. Akane poked her head in and asked, "Where's oneechan?" "She left early this morning," Ranko replied. "She left a note saying she was apartment hunting." "Huh?" Akane big-sweated. "Oneechan's moving out?" "Yeah," Ranko said. "And good for her. She needs a life away from this nuthouse." "Why?" Akane asked. "Probably the noise level, sweetness," Ranma suggested. "How many times did you knock on the wall for us to shut up, Ko-Chan?" Ranko added in her head and blurted, "Fourteen." "I didn't hear it," Akane stated. The Saotome twins giggled. "You were distracted, Akane-chan," Ranko teased. "Thanks for the compliment, honey," Ranma said, grinning in masculine-ass pride. Akane swatted him with a rolled-up magazine. "Egomaniac!" "Horndog," he replied. "Tomboy!" she snapped back. "Pervert!" he answered. "Take me," she breathed, gripping him and wrapping her leg around his waist. "Not before breakfast!" Ranko pleaded. "You'll ruin the food!" The doorbell decided to ring at that moment and Akane gave Ranma a quick peck before she ran off to answer the door. Ranma settled down at the table and had just offered his sister some tea when a scream came from the front hall. Both Saotome's dropped their cups and stood up, battle ready. "Not at this hour," Ranko complained. "Figures," Ranma sighed. "It looked like such a nice day, too." They heard Akane thunder upstairs, followed by the organic sounds of blobby movement. "What the hells?" Ranma mumbled. Ranko dropped her battle stance as a greenish-black tentacle waved from the doorway. Ranma's eyes grew into saucers as he realized what the tentacle was shaped like. "OH MY GOD!" he shrieked, his hands raised in preparation. "Forget it, Niichan," Ranko slammed her wrist down on his hands. "I know this monster." The tentacle was followed by several more attached to a gelatinous blob of the same hue, squishing and splorting its way into the dining room. "Well," Ranma stated. "I lost my appetite." "That's a first," Ranko smirked. "Hi, Bob." "Squirnk, sploot, urrrgh," the tentacle monster replied, waving its obscene members in greeting. Akane's footsteps came bounding back down the stairs, and she rushed into the dining room, holding aloof a manga and marker. "Can I have your autograph?" she asked excitedly. "I'm a really big fan of yours! I've got all your mangas!" "What's this doing in my house???" Ranma asked in disbelief. "Oh, sorry," Ranko said. "Ranma, this is Bob - actually, his name has about three hundred syllables, so he's just 'Bob'. He's a patient of Tofu-sensei." She turned to the unearthly horror, who was signing a manga for Akane. "Bob, this is my brother, Ranma, and his wife, Akane." "Glorple," Bob said, waving a tendril at him. "Could he please not do that?" Ranma inquired politely. "Seeing those things wave about makes me queasy." "Suck it up, Niichan," Ranko teased. "Poor choice of words, imouto-chan," Ranma replied. "Oops. Sorry." "Ooooh!" Akane said. "Look, Ranma! I got his autograph! See?" Ranma looked at the manga - 'Attack of the Perverse Nightmare' #19 - and saw the page where Akane had it sign in unhuman arcane runes; a full-page picture dominated by the same creature that was in his dining room, along with three girls - "EWWWWW!!!" he said. Then he noticed something. "So *that's* where you got the idea for doing that!" Ranko chuckled. "Who'd have thought of Akane as a drooling otaku? What brings you by, Bob-san?" "Blortch, blaaagh, glaaaagh." Ranko shook her head. "Tofu-sensei is in China for the week. Is it an emergency?" "Glurk." "Well then, don't worry about it and apply the ointment to the rash regularly. And for heaven's sake stay away from the working girls!" "Glob." Nabiki came in, still in her yen pajamas and brushing her teeth. She glanced at the bizarre manifestation, mumbled a "H'lo, Bob," and sat down. Ranko did a double take and asked, "Where do you know him?" Nabiki yawned and scratched the back of her head. "I'm his agent." "Figures," Ranma sighed. "Stop dripping on the table, please?" "Blert," Bob apologized. "Glab glork blaaaagh?" he asked. "I live here," Nabiki said. "The girl with the manga's my sister. How about you, Ko-Chan?" "Patient at the clinic." "Oh. Have you guys cleared up that rash on him yet?" "Almost." "Okay, Bobby-baby," Nabiki turned to the tentacled creature. "Mori needs you all ready for the next session. Will you be able to make it?" Bob appeared to be nodding. Ranma briefly wondered how a creature without anything resembling a humanoid body could nod. "Good. See you next Saturday at the studio." As Bob left, making wet sucking sounds all the while, Ranma got a puzzled look on his face. "You mean the monsters pose for these manga?" "The better ones," Nabiki replied. "Does that mean the girls - uh..." He blushed. Nabiki grinned. "Some are professional models. And some high school girls get kind of bored, y'know. And after hanging around teenage boys, many girls find tentacle monsters a lot more civilized." Akane nodded in agreement, sipping her tea. "I can understand that." "Besides," Nabiki continued, "It pays pretty good. Where did you think Yuka got the money for that new diamond necklace she wore at the Spring Luau?" Akane spit her tea across the table. "You're kidding!" Nabiki took the manga, flipped a few pages, and pointed. "Damn," Ranma said. "That's Yuka?" "It really is the quiet ones," Akane said in disbelief. "Never thought she had it in her," Ranko added. "Sure she does," Ranma said. "See? There it is. Several of them, in fact." The assorted females looked at him as if he were a prize idiot. "What?" he asked. "Nothing, darling," Akane told him. "My innocent pervert," she said quietly, smiling and giving him a peck on the cheek. "What's that supposed to mean?" The women did not answer him as they sat down to breakfast. "Well?" Sasuke poked his head out from under the table. "Is it gone?" he asked fearfully. "Yes," Nabiki said. "And for extreme cowardice in the face of apparent danger, expect your pay to be docked." Sasuke groaned and went back under the table. * * * * * * * * * * The mighty Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Nerima (because they wouldn't let him in Furinkan High with that Bokken - or without pants) stalked toward what he still thought of as the Tendo Dojo, eager to sample the treasures of his loves again. Oddly enough, there seemed to be a mob of reporters running *away* from the dojo. But Kuno ignored these, intent on his goal. As he leapt toward the front gate, a huge shape blocked the way. Unable to get out of the way in time, he bounced off and into the street. "So, miscreant! You seek to block the mighty Blue Thunder in his pursuit of - EEEP!" Kuno gazed at the vile, fluid-oozing, tentacle-waving apparition before him. He raised his weapon and - - fell to his knees, crying "MASTER! MASTER!" Bob stared at the idiot in the Scooby Doo boxers and the t- shirt saying 'Amateur Gynecologist', and became very embarrassed. He tried to nonchalantly shamble away, but Kuno followed. Soon, Bob was running down the street, Kuno in pursuit. "PLEASE MASTER!" Kuno cried. "TEACH ME YOUR WAYS!" "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Bob exclaimed, trying to escape. Hiroshi and Daisuke were walking to school when a hideous monster ran down the street past them. Hot on its heels was Kuno the Arch-Pervert, waving a disgusting pornographic object and yelling something incoherent about teaching true manliness. "Hiroshi?" "Yeah, Daisuke?" "Did I just see what I thought I saw?" "Kuno chasing a tentacle monster with his Bokken of Perversion?" "Yep." "Afraid so." Both boys were silent a moment. "Y'know something, Hiroshi?" "What, Daisuke?" "Kuno's just hit a new high in lows." Hiroshi nodded. "Yeah. Molesting a tentacle monster." He shook his head. "Compared to him, *we're* gentlemen! And you *know* what a sicko I am!" Daisuke nodded in agreement. "True. And I'm not much better." He rubbed the bruises he got during his drunken visit to the Saotomes. "Wish I could at least remember what I did to get them," he muttered to himself. "Musta been good." Hiroshi pretended to read his literature book. * * * * * * * * * * "Dammit, Saotome, I feel like an idiot!" "Suck it up, Tendo." "Can't we just alter one of the pictures of Ranma and a girl that we have?" Soun asked, adjusting his purple wig. "Why do we have to make a new one?" "Too risky!" Genma replied, straightening his own pony- tailed hairpiece. "We need a perfect picture that will unmistakably be Ranma cheating on Akane. Besides, in these costumes, we look like the real thing." "But why do I have to wear the Shampoo suit?" "Your figure is more girlish than mine." "But your breasts are almost as large as hers!" The two men proceeded to viciously pummel each other, oblivious to the approaching menace. The aforementioned menace also failed to notice them. "BLAAARGH!!" [TRAMPLE!] [TRAMPLE!] [TRAMPLE!] [TRAMPLE!] "MASTER! WAIT! TEACH ME TO BE MORE MANLY!!" [TRAMPLE!] [TRAMPLE!] [TRAMPLE!] [TRAMPLE!] The twisted remnants of Soun in a torn Shampoo costume and Genma in a Ranma suit pulled themselves up and looked at the fragments of their camera. "'We don't need to alter an old picture,'" Soun mocked. "'It's better if we make a new one.' BAKA!" He walloped his partner. "Now we can't even pawn the camera!" [I'm just a panda!] read the sign. Soun walloped him again. "YOU'RE STILL HUMAN, YOU DIP!!" "A mere technicality!"