From: Jack Staik DISCLAIMER: This is not a disclaimer. -------------------- Our Wedding Day - Part 4 By Lady Tesser and Jack Staik -------------------- In the Sea of Japan ... Rose Petal was already bored. She already missed Nerima; that odd fire hydrant sneaking around the neighborhood; that disgusting underwear-clad boy with the perverse stick that she'd drop-kicked; she even missed riding a bicycle along rooftops delivering noodles. She looked over at the cage holding the glasses-wearing duck, the only other occupant of the room. "[If I change you back,]" she said. "[Promise you won't try to escape?]" Reluctantly, Mousse-oshidori nodded. "[Well, at least I'll have someone to talk to,]" she said. "[The Matriarch has been sulking in her cabin since we left port.]" A minute later (and a free show of manliness for Rose Petal, who made appreciative applause), Mousse sat in a chair, wearing a spare robe. Rose Petal sat on the cot cross- legged. "{Tell me, Mu Tsu,]" she asked, "[why do you do it?]" "[Do what, Madame?]" he asked, following the formalities of an unmarried male speaking to a warrior-caste female. "[Pursue Xian Pu. She doesn't want you, she abuses you constantly, your behavior has made you the butt of village humor for almost your entire life -]" "[That doesn't matter!]" he said sharply. "[We were meant to be together! She and I are destined to be one!]" Rose Petal's eyes rolled. "[Then why did she send you back to China?]" "[That old crone probably forced -]" "[Wrong,]" Rose Petal interrupted sharply. "[And it isn't befitting for one such as yourself to refer to a Matriarch in such fashion.]" Mousse quickly clasped his hands together and bowed his head. Rose Petal accepted the implied apology with a nod. "[In any case, Xian Pu is a Matriarch herself,]" she continued. "[She's proven her will is stronger than Koh Lon's will. I doubt anyone could force her to do anything.]" "[It must have been that bastard Hibiki, trying to get his lecherous hands on her -]" She grinned. "[In point of fact, he's one of the few Hibiki offspring who isn't a bastard. But seriously - can you imagine that shy boy actually *manipulating* Xian Pu?]" "[Amazon Laws compel her -]" She sighed. "[Just face facts, Mu Tsu. She continually chased you away. She used the first opportunity to send you packing. She slept with any other man who caught her fancy. She's a Matriarch now, and leader of her own colony, so she can interpret the law to her own advantage if she wanted to keep you. She doesn't want you. Period.]" Mousse looked away. "[No. I don't believe that. That night - by the waterfall - it was so ... perfect.]" Rose Petal's face brightened in understanding. "[So ... she was your First?]" "[My *only*!]" She nodded understandingly. "[I sympathize - really.]" He snorted. "[What would *you* know about what I feel?]" A knife embedded itself in the steel of the cabin wall, severing a lock of Mousse's hair. "[I'll pretend you didn't say that,]" she said calmly, "[and tell you a tale ...] "[When I was a little girl in Ki-yeung Village, just four days' travel from the Amazon lands, a foreign man named Ichiro would stop in sometimes. He and my mother were very close. He'd bring me presents and treats from distant places, and was very kind.] "[He had a former wife named Peach Blossom who lived nearby, and I would play with his son. In fact, Ichiro's son and I were very close, because I never called him by his name.]" Mousse looked puzzled. "Pantsuto Taro," she clarified. "[Pantyhose was your childhood sweetheart??]" he said wonderingly. She smiled. "[Yes, he was an asshole - but he was a friend.] "[When we grew up, our closeness became ... closer.]" She blushed. "[*Much* closer.]" "[So what happened?]" he asked. "[The bastard drop you and run off?]" "[Actually, no. I told my mother about what had happened, Between us, and asked for permission to marry. Then she told me the truth.]" "[Truth?]" Mousse prompted. Rose Petal explained; "[I had always believed that my father had died before I was born. Instead, my mother told me that Ichiro, Pansuto's father, was also my father.]" Rose Petal waited while Mousse recovered from his facefault. "[He - you - your -]" "[Yes, my reaction exactly,]" she confirmed. "[When I asked why he hadn't married her, she just shrugged and said that he never asked her. When I asked why she never married someone else, she just gave a sad smile and said that he was her First, and her heart belonged to him.] "[When I told Pantsuto about it, he just mumbled about his idiot father and didn't speak to me after that.]" Mousse offered a kerchief from a sleeve for her and she accepted it politely, wiping her eyes. "[Tragic,]" he commented. She nodded sadly. "[I was young, in love, confused, and angry. I was angry with mother for not telling me my childhood playmate was my brother. I was even more angry with Ichiro for not being my father, for abandoning wife and child and causing Pansuto and I pain for something that should be completely natural.]" Mousse nodded, knowing that the Amazon law followed a similar thread to most other cultures in that two parents are better than one. Even if the couple is not married, children from a two parent family were healthier and more stable than others. He understood her completely. "[And what happened after you found out?]" he asked. "[I ran away, filled with humiliation and anger; anger at my mother for being so damned passive and keeping me ignorant, at Ichiro for being no man, and at Pansuto for abandoning me before we could come to terms with what happened.] "[I lived off the land for a few weeks until a band of Amazons found me. I refused to speak for months, but worked for Elder Lian Ling and trained with her granddaughters. Eventually, she sent me on a Spirit Journey during my training and everything broke; I had to speak, cry, scream, something to release my anger at everyone I've ever loved.]" "[Heavy stuff,]" Mousse commented, momentarily forgetting the Amazon version of proper manners. Rose Petal shrugged. "[Part of being an Amazon warrior, I learned, is facing the inner demons as well as inner darkness. It helped me become a warrior. I thank the Goddess for that everyday.] "[When it came time for the Matriarch Challange, I was sent as messenger with the pomp of Ambassador of the Amazon Nation. I believe Elders Ko Em and Bru Xha already knew about Ryoga being my half-brother.]" Mousse sighed, taking his glasses off and cleaning them. "[Madame, the world is no longer what it used to be because of the Hibikis.]" She nodded, leaning her head on his shoulder. "[I'm becoming aware of it, Mu Tsu. I'm sure, you being the male champion of the villiage, you will find another girl with better taste in men.]" "[Oh?]" he asked, blushing. "[Yes. You are a handsome thing. And in no way related to my father,]" she chuckled, looking up at him. "[You need to broaden your horizons and take a new girl in.]" Mousse bit his lip, smiling shyly and blushing furiously. "[Hard idea to get used to.]" "[Why have you always liked Xian Pu? Besides being your First?]" The boy shrugged. "[She was my playmate, too. She used to protect me from bullies who picked on me because of my weak eyes. She became the center of my world, so everything in my life grew around her, I guess.]" Rose Petal kissed his cheek, saying, "[You have a good heart, learn to share it.]" A bright red blush covered Mousse's face. * * * * * * * * * * The Ranko Revenge Squad (Ranma, Akane, Ryoga, Nabiki, and Nodoka) arrived home, satisfied with the intense pummelling they had given Doctor Tofu; severe, painful, yet leaving him healthy enough to withstand more pummeling if Ranko decided she wanted to join in later. "Taidama!" Ranma called out. "Hush!" Kasumi hissed. "Ko-chan's still sleeping." Nodoka shook her head. "Poor girl. She must be emotionally exhausted." "Oh, Ranma-kun," Kasumi said brightly, "You had a visitor while you were out." "Oh?" Ranma asked. "Who was it?" "He didn't leave his name," she replied, "but he referred to you as the 'Godslayer'. Oh, and he had these lovely wings." "Wings??" Nodoka asked. Ranma, Ryoga, and Akane mumbled Bad Words under their breath. "Do you know this person, son?" Nodoka asked. "This particular one, probably not," Ranma replied. "But from the description, he's a native of Phoenix Mountain in China." "These people have ... wings?" The concept still seemed ludicrous to Nodoka. She knew her son led an unusual life, given his curse and all, but ... wings?? "Yeah, and nasty attitudes," Ranma answered. Ryoga nodded in agreement. "They're probably still mad at you for killing their god and vaporizing their mountain, too." "Excuse me?" Nodoka asked. After a few minutes, the entire saga of Phoenix Mountain, Akane's death and rebirth, and Ranma's 'slaying' of the Phoenix-God Saffron had been related to Nodoka, who was having trouble digesting it. Akane and Ryoga were also finding out new things - such as the role Ranko had played in that adventure, a thing they had no knowledge of before. "Why would this ... creature ... want you?" Nodoka asked. "Revenge?" Nabiki shook her head. "He killed a god - they wouldn't send one person to get him, unless it was to issue a challenge. If they wanted revenge, they'd have planted bombs or used a howling mob of assassins or something like that." "Well, perhaps he'll come back, and we can ask," Kasumi suggested. Everyone looked at Kasumi pitingly. * * * * * * * * * * The report concerning the attempt to bring the Godslayer to them were discouraging. "His sister?" one of them asked. "Yes," the Priest of the Purple Dove said sharply. "His sister - with a vicious savage of a bodyguard! Probably the nastiest Amazon ever infected with distemper! With a mastery of exotic martial arts weapons and techniques, too! I'm lucky to have escaped in one piece!" The Lady cleared her throat. "Couldn't you have left a note or something? After all, you went there in peace, right?" Liitak muttered something indistinct. "Didn't you?" He blushed under his Lady's gaze. "I figured that ... well, kidnapping is more efficient than negotiation -" "HOW COULD YOU?!?" Aga cried, distraught. "Our Holy Mission depends on this joining! You were sent to bring the Godslayer to us, not to antagonize him! An invitation, a logical argument, a challenge even - instead you try to kidnap his sister!" The survivors of Phoenix Mountain trembled. They'd all personally witnessed the might of Ranma Saotome, and the notion that he'd come after them was frightening indeed. Liitak kowtowed in desperate fear. "I'm sorry, My Lady! It just seemed so simple -" "Peace is never simple," Aga stated. "Wars are simple, violence is simple. Destroying is always simple. It's creating that's hard." She took a deep breath. "We're trying to create a new world, one of peace and love and justice - and for that we need the Yang Incarnation - the Godslayer, the perfect avatar of masculine aggression." The assembled cultists nodded in agreement. Liitak nodded as well. He knew the Truth; he'd explained it to Aga himself. "In the morning, I shall go," Aga said, "And present our case to him." A howl of protest went up from the cultists. "My Lady! What if he bears a grudge? What if he hurts you?" "If I am not willing to take such a risk, then I am not worthy of the faith you all place in me. I will go, and - if necessary - face his wrath alone. I have spoken." Aga turned and left the room. * * * * * * * * * * The phone rang in the newly named Saotome household. Kasumi went to answer it since the rest of the family and guests were causing the destruction of the dining room (translation: dinner time). "Kasumi? Shampoo here. Where Airen and baby?? Shampoo worry sick of baby safety!" "They are right here, having dinner with us -" a crash followed by said Airen yelling at Ranma to give him back his pickles "- and Akane has been looking after Conditioner." "Can you send Airen and baby home now? Shampoo need put baby in bed." "Right away. I'll have them escorted home to you." "Arigato!! Nighty nighty!" Kasumi hung up the phone and returned to the dining room. "Ryoga-kun, Shampoo wants to know if you plan to return home tonight?" Ryoga jumped up, grabbing Conditioner out of Akane's arms, and running through the house, screaming, "Shampoo's gonna kill me! Yaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!" "Nabiki? Can you take Ryoga to Shampoo's place?" Ranma asked. "Sure," she replied, following Ryoga and chuckling, "Come on, Lost Boy, out of the closet." "Poor Shampoo," Ranma muttered. "She'll be devastated when she finds out." Akane giggled and gently swatted him. Nodoka smiled, standing up. Her expression quickly changed to alarm as she brushed past Ranma with her hand to her mouth. "Mom?" Akane watched as her mother-in-law ran up the stairs and the sound of a door slamming echoed over the landing. "Think she's sick?" Akane asked. "She can't be; Kasumi cooked tonight," Ranma inserted foot in mouth, Akane inserted fist in head. Nodoka appeared on the stairs, her eyes half-closed, just as Ranma picked himself up. "You okay, mom?" "Oh, I'm fine, don't worry about it. Akane, we'll meet here tomorrow around ten o'clock with the ladies to plan your wedding. Make sure Ranko is there as well as your friends from school." "Of course," she replied, kissing Nodoka's cheek. "But I think you should stay with us tonight since you are feeling ill. I don't want you going home like this." Nodoka surrendered, nodding. "If it is all well with you. Domo arigato." "Ranma-kun," Kasumi called from the kitchen. "Take Ko-chan upstairs to her room, it's ready for her." "Okay!" he replied. Nodoka placed her hand on his shoulder and murmured, "It's all right to talk to me." He gave her a puzzled expression as he went to gather up his sleeping sister from the living room. Nodoka sighed internally. Her children, only having each other ... of course it would happen, what else could happen. Genma wouldn't know the dangers of such a thing ... they're only children! * * * * * * * * * * Tofu nursed his wounds in the clinic lobby. His bruises would take him a while to recover from, but his pride and ego wasn't as lucky. Adding insult to injury, Nabiki made him sign a contract of services rendered for his beating! He accepted that he asked for it. Leaving Ranko alone with Ina was the stupidest thing he ever did in his life. His cowardice in the face of his fear cost him the respect of the one person that really mattered to him. He let a sob escape, one he didn't know was there, as he murmured apologies to the air. He'd broken his Ko-chan's trust in him as a man and protector. Allowing Ina to find him again, to drop in on his life when he was starting to truly love ... He had to take care of her at last, if he was to have any future with Ranko. The doctor pulled himself off the couch and stood on wobbly legs. "So," a pompous voice cried. "I have found you, wretched sorceror!" Tofu squinted, seeing a tall boy standing in the doorway of the clinic. A familiar offensively-shaped bokken waved in the air. The boy was clad in plaid boxers and a t-shirt bearing the word "Horny" in about a dozen languages. If the doctor had enough energy, he would have facefaulted. Instead, he collapsed on the couch due to the dizziness in his head. "What is it, Kuno-san?" he asked. "I have come to win the fair Ranko Saotome from your evil, perverted clutches! I know you intend to molest her young, nubile, creamy flesh with your hentai ways, foul demon!" Tofu didn't think it was a bad idea, but he wasn't going to admit that. No gentleman would. "Who's the pervert?" Tofu asked again. "At least I am honest about it, lech! Have at thee for also enchanting my faithful manservant away from my employment!" Tofu drew a blank at the statement, which was quickly followed by unconsciousness as Kuno initiated the first beating he'd given since Ranma Saotome moved to town. Meanwhile, Eryala the Succubus was making a nifty profit from selling ice-skates in Hell due to the improbability of the previous occurance. * * * * * * * * * * Ranko had been tortured all evening as she slept. Far to the east, somewhere in the Sea of Japan, Cologne had began her plot of the Saotome mating. Manipulation of dreams was simple, once an exertion of will was placed upon the sleeping consciousness with subconscious suggestion. Of course, going about such a thing would require delicate workings of magic and suggestion. A mental image was formed, streaming through the ethers of incense circling Cologne's ancient head. Invisible strands shot out and entered the mind of Ranko Saotome almost at once. [Ranma enters her room in the middle of the night, leaning down and kissing her face gently. She feels the covers peel off her body and his fingertips tracing over her breast through her shirt. He licks his tongue across her lips, embracing her mouth with his. She awakens, finding Ranma over her, kissing her, caressing her, and nude in the lamplight from the window. ["Niichan?" she whispers. He doesn't answer her, only lowers his head down to her throat, kissing and biting at her flesh. She gasps, her arms involuntarily rounding his neck, her pelvis thrusting up in shock at the reaction awoken in her body. His fingers pinch a cotton-clad nipple, causing her to moan. ["Ranma-sama! You said we shouldn't now!"] Cologne noted that; there was once a time it *would* have been possible. Interesting ... she'd have to ask Rose Petal if she'd learned anything about her half-sister's past. [Nonetheless, Ranko kisses him deeply and passionately. His lips trace along the flesh down to her cleavage, then brush his lips over a marble-hard globe. She cries out in shock and arousal, no longer controlling her own body. Ranma slips his fingers under the hem of the bra and pulls it down to envelope his lips over the pink hardness. By this time, her cries and gasps fill the dreamscape as suppressed desires fill her body.] This continued, tearing Ranko's subconscious into admitting that which she always wanted - and more. To love Ranma as she's been to him: his lover, his mother, his sister, all the women in his life. He was always hers, she was always his; there was no other part of that equation for the ten months they had lived with each other. ["Nii-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-cha-a-a-a-a-a-a-annnnnn!"] "AAAAAAAAA!!!" Ranko cried, jerking awake, sweating. Cologne drew back into her own surroundings, opening her eyes. She hummed softly, preparing the ritual for the Saotome boy this time. "For the Amazon Nation ... " she murmured. From: Jack Staik DISCLAIMER: I deny it! And I deny that, too! And that other thing? I deny it as well! -------------------- Our Wedding Day - Part 5 By Lady Tesser and Jack Staik -------------------- Nabiki waved good bye to Conditioner as she left Ryoga on the doorstep of the Nekohanten. "Take care of Lost Boy there, or you won't see Youba-chan until you're sixteen or something." "Hey, I'm getting better!" Ryoga replied. "Sure, sure. So long!" Ryoga turned and discovered Shampoo standing in the doorway, an expression of mild piss-off on her pretty face. "Hi, Shampoo," he grinned, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry I'm late." She snatched the baby from his carrier and held the infant tightly against her chest, murmuring and cooing over him. After making sure Conditioner wasn't traumatized, she turned to Ryoga and said, "BAD AIREN! BAD AIREN! BAD BAD AIREN!" while swatting him with a newspaper. "You know where you going?!" "The highway to hell?" he asked, shrunken under her wrath. "{No! You're going to sleep in the stockroom!}" Ryoga was shocked. He'd been sleeping on a futon in her room - something about an "old Amazon custom". He felt like he was being kicked out. After all, the stockroom was where *Mousse* used to sleep, and Shampoo despised Mousse. Ryoga spent the next half-hour or so trying to locate the stockroom, briefly stopping at a quaint inn in Marsailles for some fish soup. Once at his destination, as he lay down his bed-roll, he thought about Shampoo's anger. Would she trust him again? Would she reconsider wanting him around? Would she kick him out? Ranma's words came back to him ... "it ain't 'if you can stand being with them', it's 'if you can't stand being without them'." He'd lived without Shampoo most of his life ... surely he could live without her again ... couldn't he? He didn't know the answer to that, and was afraid to find out. Ryoga spent the rest of the night staring at the darkness. * * * * * * * * * * Cologne stared into the water, seeing the Saotome boy and his girl, sleeping in each other's arms. Excellent; the activity they'd just participated in would make him highly suggestive. [Ranma felt Akane's strong hands grabbing his wrists, pushing him down. Her tongue probed his mouth, and her pelvis ground against him. He was pinned down underneath his wife, and he felt helpless and wonderful.] [He felt the joining, the gripping, and moaned as the sensations overwhelmed him.] [He looked up in the half-light ... and saw Ranko.] [She was sweating and moving, groaning in pleasure. He wondered how she'd taken Akane's place, but was soon drwoning in the sensation, the building feeling ...] Ranma's eyes snapped open. The light from the window was just enough to illuminate Akane's features. He briefly wondered if he should go to Ko-chan, but guilt shoved that thought out of his head. Besides, the *Need* was upon him. He roughly forced Akane onto her back and mounted her. The attempt at entry awoke her. "What are you doing?" she asked. "What does it look like, hentai-chan?" he said in a deep voice. She smiled a nasty smile. "Okay ... otemba-kun." She grabbed him and rolled over, pinning him under her. "Now, naughty boy," she said, "you're gonna learn to do it *right*!" * * * * * * * * * * Ranko pushed the covers off, finding herself in a strange bed. She felt around until her eyes focused on a digital clock reading just past ten in the evening. She had been sleeping all afternoon and evening and then ... *this* dream filling her mind. Ranko wiped the sweat from her forehead, stumbling up and out of the room, discovering she occupied Akane's old room. She looked and listened up and down the hall - Nabiki not home, Ranma and Akane doing Naughty Things in their room (a twinge of jealousy rippled through her) - and most likely Kasumi being the one in the bathroom. She crossed the hall and entered the bathroom, hearing Kasumi hum to herself. She joined in the melody to announce her presence as she stripped out of her sweat-soaked skirt and shirt and entered the bathing room. "Hello there, sleepyhead," Kasumi chirped. Ranko stuck her tongue out in distaste. "How can you stand being so damned perky?" The eldest Tendo daughter giggled. "You're the one who's perky." Ranko looked down, blushing, seeing the after-effects of the dream still holding her flesh captive. "About that ... " She turned the shower on full blast cold water, letting it soak her completely into male form. Ranko-kun started shivering as he turned the water off and went to scrubbing himself. He looked up to see Kasumi with bugged eyes, seeing the Ranma-male-form so casually displayed. "Kasumi-chan?" "You think Jiro's got that ... THAT??" She looked dowm; it seemed that the effects of arousal carried over between forms. Ranko-kun facefaulted between blushings. "Well, I've seen Ryoga; seems to be a family trait." He chuckled. "No wonder Ichiro's got such a track record." "Just wondering ... " He nodded, grinning, and continued, "You're the only one I trust completely here, that knows everything ... " He stopped, giggling. "What is it?" Kasumi asked. "Something occurred to me - would Jiro kill me if he found out I was in the bath with you while I'm in my male form?" Kasumi blushed and giggled. "I have no objections," she replied. "Still ... " he chuckled, entering the furo. He disappeared under the water for a moment as Kasumi marveled at the change in genders through the water. Ranko broke through the water, catching her breath and leaning back against the wall. "Kasumi-chan?" "What is it?" "I'm really mixed up right now." Kasumi leaned back, nodding. "Talk to me, Ko-chan." "After what happened with Ono and that freaky ex of his ... and him not helping me ... and then Niichan and Akane ... do you know they're doing it right now?" "Yes. The same thing they were doing last night. Nabiki kept hitting their wall and telling them to quiet down. Rather distracting." Ranko nodded, staring at the water. "I'm ... I'm jealous." "Jealous? Of them being together?" "Of Akane having Ranma." Kasumi digested this. She had known for ages that Ko-chan was in love with Ranma, that she wanted above anything to be his wife and keep him safe from everyone forever. Both knew it was impossible ... now, after weeks of being apart, the need was presenting itself again. She had hoped that Doctor Tofu would distract Ranko from interrupting Ranma and Akane's courtship until the two were ready together. It was that time, but the Tofu distraction only worked for a few days. "You want Ranma-kun for your own again, hm?" "Not just for my own; to love him! To share flesh! To be his lover in all aspects of the word as we once were!" Ranko inhaled deeply, sighing. "But never the twain shall meet. In a sense, I also envy that mirror slut that copied Niichan's female form." "How?" "She tried!" Kasumi giggled. "She also called Akane 'Fat Girl' as well as kissed Ryoga-kun and and raised havoc. Not to mention scaring Father by greeting everyone while only wearing an apron." Ranko cracked up. "I *loved* that look on his face! Wish I thought of it." Kasumi sobered and asked, "So what made you decide you wanted Ranma-kun again?" "Lonliness? A naughty dream that woke me up because of its intensity?" Her mouth made a crooked smile. "Emotional vunerability because of that four-eyed geek's past?" "Akane will kill you. She was suspicious before and now she's just accepted that nothing ever happened between you two." "What am I supposed to do, Kasumi?" she cried, ignoring the door opening. "Go up to Akane and say 'Oneechan, Ranma and I were lovers, and I'd like to pick up where we left off'?" "Oh, dear," a female voice commented. Ranko gasped, turning to see Nodoka in the doorway, ready to join them in the bath. The older woman was as white as a sheet, having just overheard the last sentence. "Nodoka, it's not what you think - " Ranko began. "No, it's none of my business," Nodoka shook her head. "I'll let you two talk ... " "Don't be silly, auntie Nodoka," Kasumi stated. "Come back in and join us. We were talking about Doctor Tofu." Nodoka appeared to accept this explanation and went to attend to her own cold water scrub. "What a cowardly male!" she commented. "Leaving you like that! Don't worry, we made short work of him." "Huh?" Ranko asked. "Oh? Kasumi hasn't told you? Your brothers, Akane, Nabiki, and I went to talk to him - " "Not 'talk', Auntie Nodoka - 'beat up'." Ranko blinked. "You guys ... went and ... " "We left him conscious," her mother replied, slipping into the furo. Ranko stood up, furious. "HOW COULD YOU?!? HE'S *MY* BOYFRIEND, AND *I'M* THE ONLY ONE WHO BEATS HIM UP!!" Nodoka looked flustered. "Actually, Ranma didn't think you'd mind -" Nodoka and Kasumi looked at the Ranko-shaped hole where the door formally was, and privately thanked their deities that they were on the opposite side of the house from the soon- to-occur bloodbath. Ranko kicked the door in and stomped up to the bed. "RANMA! HOW COULD YOU?!?" "Um ... could we ... discuss this later, Ko-chan? I'm kinda busy now ..." "No! Akane - let him up!" "No!" Akane grunted. "I'm not - UH! - finished!" Ranko picked Akane up off her brother (causing a sucking sound) and tossed her on the other side of the bed. "HEY!" the couple exclaimed. Ranko dragged Ranma out of the bed by his ear and out in the hall. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? TRYING TO TAKE OVER MY DAMN LIFE???" she yelled. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???" he shouted back. "Nodoka just told me you guys went to beat up Ono!" "Yeah, he deserved it!" Ranma stood up to his full height, trying to dominate her into backing down. She refused. "That's my job! Not yours! I can take care of that bastard myself!" Something else also happened; her body reacted to the fact they were both nude, both fighting, and Ranma was still ... oh my. She felt the throbbing between her thighs, reminding her of the dream. Ranma gazed down at his sister, noticing things that he'd never have noticed before Akane; signs of arousal. She was as turned on as he was. He briefly had a thought of pushing her down and finishing what he'd begun with Akane. Akane, meanwhile, somewhat annoyed at being interrupted like that, was approaching Ranko from the side, with a HUMONGOUS mallet. "YAAAAAAAHHHHH!!" Akane commented calmly. went the mallet. "GAAAHHH!!" Ranko commented in return as she found herself waist deep in the first floor when she had been on the second floor just a half-second earlier. Kasumi looked out nervously. "Is it safe?" Nodoka asked. A nude Akane stomped toward the stairs, a large bokken in hand, saying Very Unladylike Things concerning Ranko, the bokken, and what she planned to do with it. "*I'm* not going out there!" Kasumi said, pushing the washer in front of the former door. Ranma hopped through the floor and pulled Ranko out of the hole where she was still looking around in a daze. "Ko-chan - Akane-sama - STOP IT!" he said, trying to get between the two women. Ranko saw a figure approach with a weapon, and her training took over. Akane saw the person who had interrupted her during a Very Personal Moment with her husband, and wasn't hearing *anything* but a roaring noise in her ears. Akane and Ranko swung at the same moment, connecting with Ranma's head and kidneys, respectively. He fell like a stalk of overcooked broccoli, and the fight began in earnest. * * * * * * * * * * Kuno hopped across the rooftops toward the Tendo Dojo, there to claim the reward of the luscious Ranko's favor for defeating the vile sorcerer Tofu. A loud shattering sound came from the Tendo residence, and he sped up, landing in the yard next to the koi pond. Two fighters erupted through the walls, determined on damaging each other. They briefly seperated, and Kuno could clearly see the forms of Ranko and Akane Saotome, gloriously nude. What's more, his newly-acquired ki-senses, sensetive to female energy, told him that Ranko had been in a state of arousal recently, and Akane had been engaged in an intimate act. Kuno, processing this information while watching the two nude ladies leap and jump in the acrobatic Anything-Goes combat style, did the only thing open to him ... He had a nosebleed and fainted. * * * * * * * * * * Akane swung at the red-haired hussy who'd taken away her Moment with her husband. Ranko dodged, her head clearing somewhat. "Akane-chan!" she cried out. "Please! be careful!" "I WASN'T FINISHED!! WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU TO WAIT A FEW MINUTES?!? *NOT* WAITING *IS* GONNA KILL YOU!!" As the bokken came down, Ranko desperately put out her hand. "DOKO SEIKITOU!!" The Magnificent Phoenix Energy Sword slashed out, blocking the bokken and making the wooden blade explode into flaming fragments. "Now, Akane-chan," Ranko began, "Let's talk about this. I'm really sorry about -" "AKANE-SEIKITOU!" Ranko looked on wide-eyed as her sister-in-law's Scarlet Energy Sword bloomed. Then the two blades met, and the duel was on again. "Chikuso," both Kasumi and Nodoka commented in unladylike fashion from the second floor. * * * * * * * * * * Nabiki took her time going back home, hearing the sounds of conflict a few blocks away. She had already taken part in an earlier beating (okay, just the icing on the cake, but still ... ) and wasn't up to finding out what was going on in her own house to cause some usages of ki-attacks. "Tendo-san?" a voice addressed her in the dark. SHe froze. The only time anyone called her 'Tendo-san' was for business. "Who's asking?" A short man appeared from the shadows of a house, carrying a bag over his back. "It is I, Sasuke." Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Looks like Kuno-Baby kicked you out." "Actually, I left of my own accord. I have my family honor to maintain," he sighed, hitching the pack up higher. Nabiki made no comment, but continued on her way home. "Not really sorry to hear that. Or surprised. Glad you left while you could." "I can sleep at night," he nodded. "Tendo-san, I seek new employment." "I already have stooges," she chuckled. "Yes, but are they ninja trained? Of a ninja clan nine generations old?" She considered. "You have a point there. Perhaps you can be of service then. What was your pay with the Blue Blunder?" He told her. She went into a giggle fit. "Are you kidding?? Kikuko gets more than that for selling test answers to underclassmen!" "It is the same pay that my ancestors received from the Kuno house for over a century," he said defensively. "Never heard of cost-of-living increases, have they?" Sasuke 'hmph'ed. "They'd still have summary executions if they could." "Well, I think I can safely quintuple your salary -" "BWAAAAK!!" he commented. "- if you can cook. I'll be damned if I'll eat food that Akane's cooked if there's an out. Self-preservation uber alles." "Simple, but savory." "You're hired. We'll get you moved in as soon as we clear out the more radioactive debris from Happosai's old room." "Thank you, Tendo-sama. I shall endeavor to - RADIOACTIVE!?!" Nabiki smirked. "You really need a better sense of humor, Sasuke-baby." As they came up to the former Tendo home, an odd sound - obviously a ki-attack, but different somehow - assailed their ears. In the yard, they saw the naked Saotome ladies duelling with what appeared to be Star-Wars-type lightsabers. "What the hell is going on now?" Nabiki said, an exasperated tone in her voice. Sasuke looked alarmed but calmed quickly. "At least they aren't doing disgusting things with panties." "Speaking of which -" Nabiki said, pointing to the unconscious Kuno. "Shall I 'dispose' of him?" Sasuke asked. Nabiki contemplated that, but shook her head. "Nah, there might be a use for him." "Can't imagine what," Sasuke mumbled. "NABIKI!" Kasumi called from the bathroom. "Kasumi-chan! What's happening??" "I'll explain later! Please calm them down!" Nabiki looked over at the two females doing twenty-foot leaps, arcs of force duelling between them. "HOW?? Call the Self-Defense Force? Superman? Where's Ranma?" "I think they got him!" "Well, what am *I* -" Nabiki looked over, and saw Sasuke standing over the prone forms of Akane and Ranko, Kuno's alleged bokken in hand. "They never even noticed me - not that they would notice a ninja," he commented proudly. Nabiki snapped a picture. The sight of Sasuke standing over them holding *that* oughta cool their fighting spirit when they woke up. Sasuke looked at his hand and noticed what he held. He dropped it and screamed, "OH MY GOD, GET ME SOME BLEACH!!! IODINE!!! ANTISEPTIC!!! EWWWWWWW!!!"