This will eventually be my submission to the Sailor Moon / Ranma 
Crossover Cliche Creator challenge but I thought I'd post what I have 
now for C&C. 
Be warned: I've created a new character 

--- 

Suekeiichi Kaiton, vze2jcwc@verizon.net 
Eric Freedman, reanimator63@hotmail.com 
Rolls: A5, B2, C1, D4, E5, F6, G6 - Parent to Mercury, involved with 
Mars, G5 - Venus, G2 - Mercury, H1 - Mars + Uranus, H6 
LEMON!!!!! 

---Author's notes--- 

After using the Sailor Moon/Ranma fanfic cliché creator, I ended up 
with these unfortunate results. Whew! I don't have any idea how this 
will workout considering Ranma has to land from LEO but has never met 
his fiancées because Genma's dead and still fights Saffron who happens 
to be Beryl's daddy. Uh?maybe you just better skip this entry?hmm? 
P.S. Ranma doesn't have the neko-ken in this fic. 

---Requisite 18th century poem--- 

Infant Sorrow 
William Blake 

My mother groaned, my father wept, 
Into the dangerous world I leapt; 
Helpless, naked, piping loud, 
Like a fiend hid in a cloud. 

Struggling in my father's hands, 
Striving against my swaddling bands, 
Bound and weary, I thought best 
To sulk upon my mother's breast. 

---Title--- 

I Just Don't Know? 
A lemon fanfic generated using 
The Sailor Moon/Ranma Fanfic Cliché Creator 
By 
Dr. Suekeiichi Kaiton 
And Eric Freedman 

---The Silver Millennium--- 

"For the crimes of adultery and incest, corruption of a child and 
statutory rape, this council finds you guilty on all charges. Your 
sentence will be remanded until the Queen herself has the opportunity 
to pass judgement. Divus Honturi, King of Mercury, you are hereby 
placed under house arrest until the matter of your punishment is 
confirmed." The High Tribunal of the Lunar Courts smashed his gavel on 
the glassy marble of his pedestal and stepped down into the group of 
nobles comprising the jury 'of his peers'. No sooner had the 
Tribunal's feet touched the lower platform than four armed guards, 
officers in the Lunar Guard no doubt, marched in to escort him back to 
the palace. 

He was walked slowly off the magnetic box holding his shackled arms 
and legs stationary and was shoved roughly through the court doors to 
the waiting Royal Yacht which was already idling, great plumes of 
omotenium smoke rising from it's thrusters. Two flanks of Mercurian 
soldiers marched proudly from the gaping bay doors, ignoring the 
snickers and taunts of their fraternal order. No matter what he was 
responsible of in private he was still their King and deserving of the 
utmost respect. That had been the motto of the Mercurian forces since 
long before Honturi was born, he had often heard it spoken on his 
native planet of Pluto that there did not exist a more tightly devoted 
Army than those of Mercury. Of course the Trigan Guard was more so but 
than again they were affiliated with no one planet in particular. 

"We will take custody of our King now, Lunar Guardsmen." The captain 
general of the Lunar court contingent sneered. Major Dante Garudan 
simply scowled back from under the brim of his helmet. 

"How does it feel to have a child-raping bastard for a king, 
Mercurian?" Garudan smiled knowingly and lifted the steel brim out of 
his eyes. 

"I suppose it's better than having a frigid bitch of a Queen with no 
regard for the poor of his capital city." They had seen the 
shantytowns surrounding the glowing, sparkling radiance of the Silver 
City on their way through the hemisphere. "Better watch out for those 
rebel groups, though, seems that 'Emerald' family may overthrow the 
whole corrupt system." 

The Lunar guardsmen seethed at the casual insults, some day they would 
show those cold-blooded Mercurian 'popsicles' just who ruled the solar 
system. 

"Just take your trash off the Moon, 'Popsicle', we don't like child 
abusers here." The guards transferred the King into the ship, 
unlocking the restraints once he was seated conformably. 

"Good work Major, just take me home now, I assume you know I am to be 
placed under house arrest?" Divus accepted a glass of wine from his 
attendant and leaned back as the spacecraft rocketed through the 
Moon's atmosphere. The Mercurian king's most prominent feature was a 
deep gash in the centre of his forehead, a scar from when he was a 
child, which he picked at idly - a nervous habit. 

"Understood, your Majesty, your daughter is eagerly awaiting your 
return." 

---The Royal Palace--- 

Isis of the House of Mercury, twenty-third daughter of the Shay 
Dynasty, sat in her chambers and awaited the return of her father, 
Divus. A slim girl of seventeen with a long elegant neck and subtle 
breasts, creamy alabaster skin and startling blue eyes, had just 
awoken from her tear-induced sleep and was quietly polishing her 
transformation pendant. Since her mother's unfortunate death a year 
ago, she had been declared Queen (as all Planetary monarchies were 
matriarchal) and her father was declared regent until she was of 
ruling age. With her mother's death so had the duties of Senshi fallen 
on her shoulders as well, the latter being the main reason for her 
worry. 

In the case of incest, even a Royal family member was expected to pay 
fines upward of three-hundred thousand diamonds and imprisonment for 
twenty years, that this repugnant affair occurred with one of the 
Senshi seriously changed the punishment. Only Queen Serenity herself 
could declare the proper comeuppance for any crime inflicted upon her 
warriors. Isis didn't want her father to die. The door opened swiftly 
and a contingent of guards strode inside. 

"Your Majesty Isis, the King has returned from the Moon." Garudan 
ushered Divus inside and firmly shut the doors, leaving the royal 
family to lead their own affairs in private. 

"You look distraught, my dear." Divus stood behind her as she looked 
into the great silver mirror next to her bed. "What is the matter?" 
She turned her head to look him in his piercing blue eyes, suddenly 
kissing him passionately on the lips as crystalline tears flowed down 
her cheeks. 

Divus pulled her up from the cushioned bench and pulled her down to 
the bed, opening the envelope of lace and satin ruffles before laying 
her down on the bed smelling of talcum powder. He pierced her then 
quickly as she needed it, reaffirming his own love for her and raising 
the act from one of paternal-filial lust to one of devotion and love. 
She cried out as his thickness throbbed out into her body, feeling the 
warmth spreading in her loins and stomach as he trembled above her 
before rolling onto his back, pulling her down atop his body. Isis 
adhered her body to his, not wishing for any of his seed to spill out 
from her vessel and kissed his sternum as he gently flicked a strand 
of hair from her eyes. 

"I don't want you to leave. I'd rather kill myself than see you dead." 
Divus looked into the deep sapphire karats of her eyes and saw the 
pain and longing behind them; he nodded in understanding and held his 
daughter close. 

"Serenity must make the decision regarding my punishment, she cannot 
break from the summit with the 'Emerald' family leader Saffron and his 
daughter Beryl. It will take two weeks at most." She moved off him, 
satisfied that enough of his semen remained in her womb, and touched 
her cold hand to his penis, gripping the shaft tightly and pulling 
back the foreskin to expose the crown. A dot of white sperm marked his 
urethra and was quickly whisked into her mouth, followed by what had 
spilled from their union. 

"Than I suppose we must make the best of our time left." Her thin 
fingers sought the crystal ring pull for her light and extinguished 
the flame. 

---Three weeks later--- 

"Captain, where is the King!?" Serenity and Endymion walked briskly 
off the ship and down the ramp to the Mercurian Palace landing pad. On 
either side were the other nine Senshi, including her daughter 
Princess Serenity. They stopped mere inches away from Garudan as he 
and his Honor Guard flanked the main entrance. 

" I am _Major_ Garudan, Queen Serenity. The King is with the Queen 
right now, your Highness, if you would kindly follow me to the 
reception room he will be with you shortly?" Garudan motioned for his 
men to open the doors and offered an entreating gesture. 

"You were under strict orders that the King was to have no contact 
with Queen Isis until his punishment was decided!" Endymion bellowed 
from beside his beloved. 

"If you would forgive my impertinence, your majesty, but our orders 
were to keep the King under house arrest and the Queen does live on 
the premises. I have no say on where he goes within the palace 
grounds." Dante's speech was broken by a swift stab into his 
midsection by a Lunar Guardsman. His hands went to the deep gouge in 
his abdomen and came away slick with red blood. "Wh-why??" His face 
twisted with confusion before he fell unconscious to the floor. 

Serenity and Endymion looked down at the wounded man. "You have 
disobeyed your Queen soldier and allowed your 'King' to defile a 
sacred Senshi, such actions merit death." The couple walked past the 
stunned Mercurian Guards and through the palace corridors, following 
the muffled sounds of passion. They finally reached the Queen's 
bedchambers and threw open the doors, the Senshi flowing in before 
their Queen to secure the area. What they saw was startling to all. 

Isis was atop her father and bouncing excitedly, biting on her 
knuckles to hold back her cries of pleasure. The hand that was not in 
her mouth held her torso above her father's head, spidery fingers 
threaded into his chest hair. Serenity's hands flew to her mouth, the 
Senshi were cowed into submission, and even Endymion averted his eyes 
from the sinful incestuous debauch. The neophyte Queen left herself 
scream out in ecstasy as her father's manhood throbbed inside her 
vagina, pulsing out a molten stream of semen up into her cervix which 
seemed to burn through her body, setting her nerves ablaze. 

As the Queen slumped down on her parent's chest Serenity finally found 
the strength to speak. 

"What...what have you done...?" Divus looked up at the Lunar Monarch 
and went white, all color draining from his skin. "Your...your own 
daughter...?" 

"You sickening swine! I could you molest your own flesh and blood?!" 
Endymion forced the words out of his mouth. The Senshi remained 
speechless. Isis finally seemed to break out of her trance and noticed 
the royalty glaring with hatred at her father, the love of her life. 

"Don't any of you hurt my Daddy...I'll kill anyone who tries!" She was 
immediately cast in ice as the Senshi transformation took hold, her 
body glowing brilliantly in power before her tiara-wearing countenance 
appeared. With a wave of her white-gloved arm one of the Lunar Guards, 
the captain general who had so viciously attacked Garudan, burst into 
icy chunks of red flesh and shards of frigid blood. "I won't let you 
take him!" 

"Senshi...you have my leave to incapacitate the Senshi of Mercury, her 
actions are dangerous to us all." Serenity watched in detachment as 
the nine Senshi at her command attacked the Mercurian, the blue-haired 
Queen wobbling slightly as the attacks ebbed. 

"I...won't...let...you take him!" She crawled to the bedspread and 
clutched the King to her breast. Divus smiled at her devotion but the 
smile turned to a wry grin of acceptance. 

"Shh...it's alright, Isis. They kill me...I'll be fine, daughter." She 
smiled as the pain grew worse, her vision fading to irradiant white as 
she kissed him chastely on the lips and fell to the floor, 
unconscious, a faint smile on her face. 

"Guards!" Serenity called and a troop of soldiers filed in rustling 
her pleated gown. "Kill this man!" 

"Wait!" Persephone, the Senshi of Pluto grasped the Queen's shoulder 
and pulled her into the hall. "Your highness, I don't believe killing 
Divus Honturi is a good idea." 

"And why not? We have already seen first-hand how he has corrupted his 
daughter." 

"That is precisely why, Serenity-sama, if you kill him we may have to 
deal with a crazed Senshi. If we are forced to kill her than there 
will be no Senshi of Mercury; the genes of power run only in this 
branch of the family." Serenity seemed to calm down considerably and 
motioned for the soldiers to stand down. 

"What do you propose I do?" 

"Exile him...send him to a far away planet with a valet and send food 
and provisions. Keeping him alive can ensure us the services and 
sanity of Isis." The garnet orb danced in her nervous hands as the 
ruler of the Solar System deliberated slowly. Endymion simply stood by 
his wife, he had no say in the important matters of state. 

"Very well." She turned back to the King and incapacitated Senshi. 
"Divus Honturi, for the crimes of incest, corruption of the innocent, 
and statutory rape of a Senshi you are hereby exiled to Nemesis for 
the duration of your lifetime." She gestured to the unconscious 
Garudan her troops had dragged from the landing pad. "Get this slime 
healed quickly, he shall accompany the King of Mercury." 

---Several years later--- 

"...father...father where are you...?" Isis lay dying on the palace 
floor, a deep burgundy pool of fluid spreading out towards the other 
fallen Senshi. Her Queen was of no importance to her, Beryl could tear 
the princess and her mother to pieces if she wanted to, all she longed 
for now was the touch of her father, her lover. 

"Daughter...be still, child, or you'll aggravate your injury." Divus 
knelt down by his only child and wrapped her wound with his coat. 

"You're here...how...?" She smiled up at his face, touching her bloody 
hand to his cheek. Her glove smeared crimson on his face as his tears 
mingled with her life. "I'm dying...I know I am..." 

"You won't die. I had to hijack a transport to get here during the 
uprising just to see you again. I won't let you die." Her skin had 
turned a sickly white. 

"Sir, I found a medipack but-" Garudan simply knelt by her side and 
bowed in reverence to his fallen monarch. Divus shook her three times 
before he too bowed. "I am sorry sir, I know how much you loved her." 

"I loved her more than a daughter, I loved her more than a wife, a 
lover, a friend. She was my compliment and now I'll never be whole." 
Both of the men turned as Serenity's scream of agony echoed off the 
ruined stone masonry. A bright light had begun to coalesce in the 
chapel of the palace, a light which sucked out all others bathing the 
planetoid in shadow and death. Garudan took his King's hand in his 
own, pumping it three times. 

"It has been an honor serving you these past years in exile, and an 
honor before that. I would have given my life so that she could have 
lived." Divus returned the gesture and closed Isis' eyes, her face 
giving the appearance of sleep and a ghostly satisfied smile on her 
lips. 

"I know that, Dante, I know that. I am happy to call you friend, you 
have been nothing less over these past five years." The surge of 
magical energy burned through the crystal of the palace dome, 
sparkling death baring down on their lives. "Here's to hope...hope 
that we are reunited in death." And then they were gone. 

---China, present day--- 

Ranma Saotome never cried. Well, Ranma Saotome had never cried before 
the death of his father. The pig-tailed boy was on his knees before 
the cairn of stones marking Genma Saotome's final resting spot, a 
barren cliff overlooking the Bayankala range. The panda pelt he had 
taken back from the Phoenix hunting party was draped over the stone 
marker he'd chiseled with his own hands, the tacky red blood smeared 
over the stone from where it had been wrapped. Someday he would return 
and avenge his father's death, someday after he had mastered the 
Anything Goes Martial Arts he would destroy their mountain stronghold 
for killing his father, his mentor. 

He turned down the path leading back to the coast, shouldering his 
pack and not looking back at the grave lest he give into the tears 
once more. No sooner had he reached the dense forested area around 
Jusenkyo than it started to rain, turning the tall male martial artist 
into a diminutive redheaded girl. Dead to the world, Ranma continued 
on her way to Hong Kong. 

It was a long trek from the backwoods of China to the coast and one 
not without it's dangers but no wilderness was as threatening as the 
dangers of the big city, especially for a bedraggled teenage 'girl'. 
Thankfully Genma had saved petty cash and jewels in secret pockets 
within the lining of his backpack which procured Ranma a modest room 
at an inexpensive hotel. 

After a long scrub and an equally long soak in a reasonably clean 
bathroom, Ranma left the room to see about a ride back to Japan. 
However, since he and Genma had entered the country illegally and had 
no passports the routes for departure were slim; dejected and hurt, 
Ranma returned to his hotel just in time to see a blonde girl enter 
the establishment and ask for a room in Japanese. Unfortunately the 
owner spoke no Japanese, nor English as that was the second language 
the blonde attempted. Breaking into the conversation to save the girl 
from the streets, although it looked like that was far-fetched 
considering the blonde's immaculate clothing and sheer amount of 
luggage, Ranma translated into his broken mandarin and got her the 
keys. 

No sooner had the fat owner slid back behind the curtain leading to 
the backroom than the blonde accosted him in a fierce embrace. Not 
used to such displays of affection, especially from a girl, Ranma's 
mind shut down long enough for Minako to drag him upstairs to her 
room. Thank heavens the rooms were marked by numbers. Sitting the 
frozen boy on the floor, the blonde Senshi of Venus pulled a certain 
white cat from one of her bags. 

"You could have taken me out sooner, ya know!" Artemis admonished his 
charge and began grooming himself, cleaning his fur free of the 
rainwater that had soaked through the satchel. 

"Sorry there Mr. Picky, but I didn't know if the owner would allow a 
cat." Minako set out his food bowl and water before turning back to 
the still paralyzed young man staring at behind as she bent over to 
pat her cat. A trickle of blood seeped from Ranma's unconscious nose. 
"Well, at least I know he's interested." She bent over just a little 
more and her skirt rose so far up that the cotton crotch of her black 
lace panties could be seen stuck between her vaginal lips. The trickle 
became a deluge as the shock of what his eyes were seeing snapped 
Ranma out of his trance. 

"Where am I? What am I doing here?" He stuck a twist of tissue up his 
nostril as Minako Aino sauntered over to her guest. "Who are you!?" 
The blonde simply leaned over him, exposing a generous amount of 
cleavage. The tissue was soon soaked with blood. 

"I'm Minako Aino. Thanks for getting me this room! I'm on my way back 
to Japan from England but I thought I'd stay a few days in China, you 
know, soak in some culture? What's your name cutie?" Ranma blushed. 

"Uh...Ranma, Ranma Saotome. I'm just trying to get back to Japan." 

"Oh? What happened?" She sat in front of him and left her legs 
slightly ajar, giving him a look at her panties as she knelt. 

"It's nothing, just that I can't get out of China without a passport." 

"Well, how did you get into China in the first place?" 

"We swam." Minako dropped the glass of water in her hand. The cold 
fluid jumped out of the glass as the bottom hit the carpeted floor, 
splashing the unfortunate Jusenkyo victim. "And now I'm stuck with 
this curse." 

Minako blinked. "What...just happened?" Artemis perked up at the new 
busty redhead. 

"Incredible! Spontaneous gender reversal!" The white Moon cat batted 
at Ranma's leg, his paw absorbing the magical field and analyzing the 
matrix. "I didn't think this was still possible!" 

"What happened to the cute guy!?" Minako reached out a squeezed one of 
the Jusenkyo victim's breasts, her fingers kneading the pliant globe 
of flesh. "What did you do to him?" 

"Minako this is the boy! He's under a gender-bending curse with a 
aqueous transformation matrix!" 

"And that means??" The white cat facefaulted, leaving a crescent moon 
shape embedded in the floor. 

"It means that if you pour different temperatures of water on him he 
changes sex!" 

"Oh!" Minako pulled a cup of hot water from behind her back and doused 
the girl, melting away the breasts and red hair, before glomping the 
restored boy. "Hey you're right!" 

"Do you think you could get off me now?" Ranma's eyes had narrowed to 
pinpricks as Minako's rather abundant...assets were mashed to his 
chest. He could feel her erect nipples pressing into the fabric of his 
shirt, not to mention the way she was grinding her crotch on his 
thigh. Minako shoved him to the floor and hunched over his prone form 
on all fours, her eyes and position reminding him of a predatory cat. 

"Not unless you really want me too..." She pushed Artemis into the 
bathroom with her leg and lay her body atop his. 

---The next morning--- 

Ranma stretched as he sat up, tossing the blankets off his body. When 
the sheets cried out in pain as they hit the floor and he felt the 
draft blow across his wet crotch he remembered what had happened the 
night before. He smirked, his masculinity reaffirmed by Minako's 
numerous orgasms and plaintive coos for him to continue. If he kept 
getting treatments like that, the curse may cease to bother him. 

Minako pulled herself out of the mass of sheets, wincing as her thighs 
rubbed too close together, and climbed back into bed. Curled up next 
to Ranma as he sweated and worried, she laid her golden tresses in his 
lap and took his manhood in her mouth once again. Ranma's eyes crossed 
as her wet tongue flicked across his phallus, cleaning the vestiges of 
semen hiding under his foreskin from their furious love-making the 
night before, and he ejaculated quickly from her earnest 
ministrations. Swallowing what he gave, Minako gulped his load loudly 
and licked her lips as she pulled away, a glistening strand of sperm 
connected her mouth to his prick. 

"Mmm...that was good, do you think you have any more left?" After all 
he had come so forcefully and copiously the previous night. 

"I don't think so...would you mind getting up?" Minako was licking her 
fingers daintily free of semen. It was all too much for Ranma's naïve 
mind to take and as such it shut down, leaving him breathing and 
seeing but not aware. Minako noticed his glazed stare and lay down 
next to his seated body, crossing her arms underneath her blonde hair 
and staring at the ceiling. 

"Actually I was thinking of going sight-seeing today, do you want to 
come with me? Good, I thought you might. I was also thinking of doing 
some shopping, would you like to help me? Good, I thought so." She 
smiled at his zoned-out expression and waltzed into the bathroom, 
letting Artemis out of the cold tile room. 

---The city, two hours later--- 

Minako smiled back at Ranma, or actually tried to as his face was 
obscured by half a dozen boxes and bags of clothing ranging from 
western dresses to chegosams to kimonos. Even though he was not 
conscious when she asked him to come along, he was dragged behind none 
the less. 

"...and what about an outfit for your boyfriend?" The diminutive 
shopkeeper asked, folding up Minako's latest acquisition. "I think I 
have a very nice outfit in black with a dragon design." 

"Hey! I ain't her boyfriend!" Ranma declared indignantly from behind 
the mountain of clothes. Minako turned to him suddenly, crocodile 
tears streaming down her cheeks. 

"You can't mean that...not after all those horrible things you did to 
my body last night! Oh you're so cruel to make me degrade 
myself...sniff..." Ranma melted under the barrage of tears and 
embarrassment and, dropping the mound of purchases, he followed the 
little old lady into the fitting room. Only minutes later he emerged 
in black tangs, the tunic embroidered with an iridescent dragon motif. 

"This outfit was made by my great-great-great grandmother and has been 
handed down from generation to generation, legend has it that in times 
of danger the dragon pattern will flare." The wizened old proprietor 
touched the raised design and it glowed bright red. "Somehow I think 
you'll be needing it soon. Take it, child." Ranma nodded silently, 
hypnotized by her eyes as she wrapped his old outfit in tissue paper 
and ushered them quickly out of the store. Minako didn't say a word, 
all too happy not to pay for such a presumably expensive piece of 
clothing. As they stepped out of the clothing store the tunic turned 
deep crimson. 

"Murdering foreign scum!" Kiima swooped down from the heavens and 
snatched Minako from his side, scattering her packages in the street. 
Ranma ducked and rolled, plumes of red power flowing off the design on 
his newly acquired shirt. "If you value this cow's life you will come 
to Phoenix Mountain, Lord Saffron is waiting!" Ranma smirked. 

"I've been planning on it lady, gotta pay you back for killing Pops." 
He rocketed towards the white-plumed avian wench but she was already 
gone, hovering twenty feet in the air with a struggling blonde in her 
grasp. Ranma looked down at the shirt as the color began to fade and 
kicked the boxes out of his way. 

Inside the clothing boutique the old woman who had given Ranma the 
danger-sensing tangs stepped into her backroom and straightened, her 
body elongating until she stood at approximately five-ten. Scanning 
the area with scarlet eyes, Setsuna Meio returned the restaurant to 
the way it was before her arrival; racks of clothing replaced by 
tables of sleeping patrons, the cash register transformed into a bar. 
Everything was happening as the gates had foreseen, soon Ranma would 
awaken and her first duty would be finished. 

---The hotel--- 

"Talking cat!? Where are you talking kitty?!" Artemis yawned as he 
awoke, stretching out in the sunlight streaming through the open 
window to Minako's room. "There you are you mangy furball!" Ranma 
quickly grabbed up the vocal animal. 

"What is it? Where's Minako?" 

"She's been kidnapped! She was taken by a Phoenix!" 

"Phoenix? Sounds like one of the 'Emerald' family, Saffron's children 
no doubt. We have to rescue her!" 

"How? I know I can't defeat a god." Ranma was all too aware of the 
fire deity living on the mountain, he had heard the Phoenix crying out 
for him as he killed them. The Dragon tunic he wore glowed a sedate 
blue then, surprising both human and feline as the clothing warped and 
melded to his flesh. When the transformation was complete Ranma was 
garbed in shimmering plates of crystal mail, each piece hard as 
diamond and clear as ice. "What the hell is up with this?!" Artemis 
leaned in for a closer view when a bright flash exploded from Ranma's 
forehead. "Aahhhhhh!!!!" The pig-tailed boy stumbled back in agony, 
clutching his bloody head. 

"What was that!?" The white Moon cat hopped onto Ranma's shuddering 
chest and pulled away his hands, looking intently at the new wound. It 
looked almost as if he was grazed by a pulse blast, Plutonian Military 
model most likely but that was preposterous! Such weapons had 
destroyed along with everything else millennia ago, how could this one 
man suffer such an injury unless?! Artemis leapt from Ranma onto the 
short table beside his body and nudged a glass of cold water over the 
edge, drenching the man and turning him into the fairer sex. Then 
jumping down and pawing away the wet bangs the advisor to Sailor Venus 
gasped in shock because there on the girl's now healed forehead was 
the symbol of the Shay Dynasty - the Royal family of Mercury. "Wake 
up!" He batted Ranma's face until the girl was lucid once more. 

"...Wha...what happened? I feel like I've been shot." Ranma brought a 
hand up to her head and winced in pain as the astonishingly rapid 
healing of the wound did nothing for severed nerve endings. "I guess I 
was shot." 

"Listen up, Ranma, this is very important!" The martial artist rose 
groggy and shook her head to clear out the cobwebs. "You were 
shot...about twenty-five thousand years ago!" 

"I think I'm still delirious, I thought I juts heard you say I'm 
twenty-five thousand years old?" 

"Actually you're twenty-six thousand years old...my bad, I never was 
good with math. Apparently you're the reincarnated soul of a member of 
the Royal family of Mercury!" 

"Listen here, kitty, you ain't making any sense!" 

"Just shut up and listen!" 

---One explanation sequence later--- 

"Okay, it really doesn't matter and I really don't care. So how are we 
supposed to save Minako?" Artemis lifted his head with her Senshi pen 
clasped between his jaws. "Why does it always have to be something 
stupid like that...why not a sword or something cool?" 

"She's a girl! This is cool!" Artemis cried, not really sounding very 
convinced himself. "If we can get this to her than we might stand a 
chance." Ranma was examining his new armor. 

"Okay, so if I'm a reincarnation of some jerk from Mercury, what 
powers do I have?" The cat sweatdropped. "Don't tell me I can't do 
anything." 

"Well all the power's in the female side of the family...although I 
did hear once that the Mercury Scepter dramatically increases the 
power of the monarch that wields it...where we'll find it is beyond 
me." The white cat scratched the back of its head. 

"Great...just great...we have to save Minako from a crazy Phoenix 
demi-God who tried to overthrow the Moon thousands of years ago and 
all I got is some kind of hentai see-through underwear!" 

"It could be worse?" 

"Oh yeah? How?" 

"You could have no underwear at all." 

---Phoenix Mountain--- 

Ranma tried to move as stealthily as he could considering his armor 
clanked like the dickens and Artemis wouldn't shut up, still he was 
inside the fortress. Now to find Minako, he thought just before two 
Phoenix swooped down to attack. 

Karuma and Masara lay in a broken and unconscious heap soon 
afterwards, not in any way prepared to fight a martial artist of 
Ranma's caliber. Dusting his hands off and silently cursing Artemis 
for running off to find Minako, he made his way deeper into the 
mountain. The scenery was mostly the same, rock tunnel after rock 
tunnel with no end in sight, the only new factors were the cages set 
on either side of the new cavern. Looking in one and finding a 
skeleton Ranma quickly made his way past the dead cells and towards 
the crooning voice that had to be Kiima reciting some esoteric chant 
from the fifth star of Ultery. Ranma decided he didn't even want to 
know how he knew that when a hand reached out from a cell. 

"Help me, sire!" A dirty and emaciated form hunched over in the 
darkness but its grip was strong enough to be painful, belying its 
weak appearance. "Help this poor one out of this cell, my lord!" 

"Who are you?" Ranma lit a slender match and peered inside, trying to 
get a better look at the figure but only smelled a stronger scent of 
excrement and urine. "What's your name?" 

"You're looking for Princess Shiina of Venus, I saw them take her 
towards the chamber at the end of this corridor." The pig-tailed boy 
looked at the unrecognizable stranger warily. 

"Princess Shiina? What the hell are you talking about? Her name's 
Minako Aino." 

"You love her." Ranma sputtered, blushing at the strong term of 
endearment. 

"L-l-l-love her? I don't love her...I like her, she's fun to be around 
not to mention a devil in the sack." He winked slyly, eager to flaunt 
his newly discovered sexual prowess. "I don't want to marry her...I 
know not yet and maybe not at all...why the hell am I telling you 
this!?" Ranma wrenched the wretch's grip from his shoulder and started 
on his way again but was halted by a heavy clatter at his feet. 
"What's this?" He lifted up a rusted sword, the blade dull and eaten 
away by the span of time. 

"You're going to need it, sire, Saffron's much too strong for you 
normally...that should help to even the odds." 

"Uh...thanks?" He walked back to the cell and tore the flimsy steel 
door off its hinges and tossed the rusting object down the hall. "Come 
on, I guess I can't just leave you here now." 

---The Throne room--- 

"Psst!" Minako tore her eyes away from Kiima as she danced naked for 
Saffron and looked down, meeting a pair of feline eyes and a fanged 
smile. "You're looking good as always, Minako." 

"Shut up Artemis and get me out of here!" She tried to keep her voice 
down to an admonishing whisper. "Did you bring me my Senshi pen? 
Where's Ranma?" The white cat dropped the pen into her bound hands, 
nipping at the rope before snapping it altogether. 

"Ranma's-" 

"Saffron!" Said martial artist appeared in the main entranceway in his 
glistening new armor and pulled out a rusty sword. "Let Minako go now 
or I'll-" 

"You'll what? Kill me? Child I was alive before your oldest recorded 
civilization, what makes you think you can kill me?" Saffron fluttered 
down to the floor in front of Ranma and dismissed the nude seneschal, 
Kiima retreating behind the curtains. "I helped destroy the Moon 
Kingdom...who are you to threaten me?" A Crescent Beam blasted into 
his side before he could finish his intimidation and the Phoenix God 
flew through the chamber and impacted the wall behind the throne. 

"For trying to kidnap a beautiful girl and ruin a perfect relationship 
with her boyfriend, for forcing grown women to dance naked for your 
pleasure, for these transgressions I, Sailor Venus, will punish you!" 
Minako felt good saying that again, she was worried she'd be out of 
practice when she finally did meet the rest of the scouts, this was 
her first action since she left Britain. "Are you okay, Ranma?" 

"Fine, let's get this guy together!" Both went flying after the 
Emerald family patriarch but ended up embedded in the wall as he flew 
effortlessly above their leap. 

"Pathetic...and you're supposed to be a Sailor Senshi?" 

"Venus Love-Me Chain!" A golden strand of glowing chain flew from 
Venus' hand as Ranma jumped to attack, the Senshi energy distracting 
Saffron long enough for Ranma to lay in with a haymaker that dropped 
the Phoenix from the sky. "Crescent Beam!" 

'Ugh...die Senshi!" Saffron shot a volley of fireballs at Sailor 
Venus, all of which impacted hard against her body as Ranma couldn't 
free his hands from Saffron's grip in time. The emaciated man from the 
prison block hobbled into the chamber and leaned heavily against the 
wall, watching Ranma at the mercy or lack thereof of Saffron. "Now 
that they little bitch is dead I can take my time dismembering you." 

"Don't count on it feather-head." The God casually broke Ranma's arm. 

"You killed three of my tribe...the Moon Kingdom killed one and look 
what happened to them." He brought his feral eyes to meet Ranma's, 
leering with insane delight in the horrors he would perform on the 
young man's body. "What do you think is going to happen to you?" 

"I won't let something as evil as you...kill me." Ranma pulled the 
rusty sword out of the waistband of his pants with his good hand and 
thrust it into the Fire God's abdomen. Saffron merely laughed at the 
tickle and broke both of Saotome's legs with a roundhouse kick, still 
clutching his already broken arm so as not to let his broken prey get 
away. 

"Do you think this old artifact will help you? I can heal from any 
wound and you pierce me with an ancient sword? Don't make me laugh!" 
He slapped Ranma across the face, shattering his jaw, and threw his 
limp body at the derelict. 

"Sire! Your highness, don't give up! Feel the power of the sword and 
it will come to you!" The pigtailed martial artist spat out two teeth. 
"You can beat him, he's just a person, you are a king!" 

"I...can't stand up...can barely talk...Minako's dead...just let me 
die..." 

"No...you still have to see her, you wished for this to happen and now 
you don't want it? Get up and destroy this upstart!" The prisoner's 
few remaining teeth fell out as Saffron blasted him back down the 
hall. 

"Filth, how dare he sully my throne room with his stench!" Saffron 
grasped Ranma by the throat and pulled him up, holding him a foot off 
the ground. "Now you will join your little Senshi bitch and that whore 
Serenity in the afterlife!" 

Serenity? How did he know that name? Did he? It was so hard to think 
now, the pain was threatening to break his mind, he couldn't tell if 
he was alive or dead. Serenity...yes it was Serenity that separated 
them! "I have to live?" 

"What was that?" Saffron taunted. "Did you say you 'had' to live?" An 
evil chuckle built in his throat. The God of Phoenix Mountain buried 
his left talon into Ranma's chest, spilling blood as it tore four long 
gashes into his skin. "I don't think you have to live, in fact you 
aren't going to live much longer." 

"I...have...to live...IF ONLY TO SEE HER AGAIN!!!!!" Ranma grasped the 
rusted sword still buried in the Phoenix's side and tore it out, 
ripping off half of Saffron's torso before twirling the object in his 
fingers. Before his astonished eyes the 'sword' transformed into a 
glistening scepter of ice, sparkling with rivulets of blood. 

Standing on legs that were no longer broken, holding the rod with an 
arm that was no longer mutilated and gazing with a euphoric expression 
out of a face not shattered, Ranma raised the staff high in the air 
and cried out in joy. 

The prisoner was standing, not leaning, in the mouth of the chamber 
now as Ranma wept in relief. Tall and proud, with all this perfect 
white teeth intact and dressed as immaculately as was his style, the 
man ran his fingers through short blonde hair. "Welcome back, sire. 
You kept your promise, you're going to see her again." Suddenly, as if 
he was possessed of all the choirs in Heaven, the man spoke with the 
brilliant voices of millions - declaring once and for all that He had 
returned. 

"ALL HAIL DIVUS HONTURI! KING OF MERCURY AND WIELDER OF THE SCEPTER OF 
KNOWLEDGE!!!" Dante Garudan knelt before his King and friend. 

Ranma knew instinctually that Minako was now unhurt and turned to the 
bleeding contemptuous figure at his feet. "You will not be reborn this 
time, Saffron, your hatred has coursed through the centuries like a 
vein of ebony in solid silver. I will not kill you...instead you may 
live out the rest of your days in whatever peace you wish. But know 
this: when you die now, whether it be from disease, wound, or age, you 
will not live again." With a dismissive wave of the scepter Saffron 
was out and flying slowly through the night sky, going wherever he 
liked. 

"My lord, I was taken prisoner ten years ago when I first awakened but 
I knew that you would come to right the wrong Saffron has done." 

"Rise, Garudan, I'm not your king." 

"But sire-" 

"Shh. I am Ranma Saotome, not Divus Honturi, I will live my own life 
and not in the shadows of the past. You may come with me so that you 
may find your life again." Soon the light began to fade from the 
scepter as Ranma's concentration began to ebb. Digging Minako out of 
the rubble soon followed and the group left Phoenix Mountain with new 
purpose in their lives. 


--- 
Dr. Suekeiichi Kaiton 
Second Disciple and Holy Scribe of CoRK 
Avid Anime and Manga fan 
Writer of 'Ranma is a God' fics 
Staunch Anti-Akane supporter