Charlotte's web

Author:

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma ½ or any of the characters from it.

NEWS FLASH!!!
This is where I would have had two chapters, 6a and 6b. 6b being optional read, 6a being the "real" chapter. The two chapters ARE NOT THE SAME however they share some similar scenes from different points of view, showing you the thoughts of other characters for this one time. However after re-examining the rules I decided that this was probably what got me into trouble, if not it might have eventually, though the chapters WERE NOT THE SAME THING I'm taking no chances since I'd like the story to *stay* up this time.
Well now that we cant have an optional read chapter, Part 6 is a lemon. Part 6b should have been the lemon. This was an idea thought up to make the lemon chapters optional read, there for those who wanted it and optional to those who didn't want to or shouldn't read such chapters. Now, because I'd really love not to be banned, we're not doing that, so tough cookies.
We've gone and merged the two chapters, now you get basically two chapters in one and with the bonus of a *poorly* done lemon scene between Akane and Ranma. I know you were expecting Ryoga and Nabiki, what can I say? Too bad, maybe next time? It's far too soon? Nabiki has a headache?

Charlotte's Web
Chapter 6
Practice Makes Perfect! (Lemon)

Setting: Soun Train and The G Spot are at a bar hitting it up. Or knocking it down, whatever, I don't know the slang, I've never been to a bar . . . I don't drink . . . I'm told I'm not human.
As far as they know all the kids are at home, Genma hopes Ranma is knocking up one or more of Tendo's daughters so he don't have to avoid his wife no more, and Tendo is hoping the exact opposite because he isn't ready to be a grandfather. Besides, he likes Genma's wife 'a lot' (jez kidding)

Soun and Genma sat in the bar enjoying their beers, and getting utterly plastered as usual. (Is plastered the right word for it?) That's when the bar TV came on and an American guy was talking about something.
"Isn't that Cologne?" Soun asked.
"I think it is." Genma said.
"This is Phil Satyr saying good fight, good night. Remember folks, were only going to be in Japan for one more showing, the winners of our contest get a free trip for two to Hawaii and one million American dollars to spend there, or save, who cares what they do with the money, because for us it's a heck of a tax write off, and working on this show counts as community service hours for me!"
"What is this garbage?" Genma asked.
"It's just ending." The bar tender said. "It's called 'When Pets do Dumb Crap' it's an American show that's here in Japan to see what our pets can do."
Soun laughed wickedly. "Hey Genma, you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"No way, Tendo!" Genma coughed. "Not if I were the last panda on earth!"
"So anyway good night Japan!"
"One more showing eh?" Soun asked.
"Oh yes," The bartender asked. "You see they film one episode every two weeks. They air the episode every day for a week then they air the next one. So when he says 'one more showing' he means it. He doesn't mean, one more showing five months ago"
"Huh?" Soun asked, a little too plastered to catch on.
"Okay, they show it for a whole week right? Then it disappears for a week. During that week they're waiting for new people to bring in their idiot pets."
"Oh! Oh I see!" Genma laughed.
"We can win it Saotome!" Soun cried.
"Not on your life Tendo!" Genma protested. "I will never go on a game show for your sake!"
"The prize is one million American dollars and a trip to Hawaii." The bar tender added. "So even if you guys wanted to enter, you'd have to have some pretty amazing animal talent."
Soun and Genma looked at each other . . .
"Where do we sign up?" Soun demanded.
"Whoa now! You gotta pay your tab first!" The bar tender protested.

Azusa smiled sweetly when the ninjas appeared at her doorway.
"What do you want short girl with the bouncy hair?" One of them demanded.
"Azusa wants her Charlotte!" Azusa said happily. "Azusa's spy network has told her that
Charlotte is at the home of that mean Akane girl and her nasty mean sister!"
"Spy network?" One of the ninjas questioned.
The young lady offered no explanation. "Azusa will pay you lots of money to take her there and then steal Charlotte for her!"
"Money you say?"

Meanwhile the Tendo house is empty. Nabiki and P-Chan are in the dojo, and Kasumi is feeding the fish in the pond but the house itself is empty. Soun and Genma are getting drunk again, Ranma and Akane are at Ukyo's. This COULD be a romantic opportunity for a certain young woman and her sister's pet pig if only . . .
"Ryoga! Get it right! You spin around on your head!" Nabiki cried.
'That's break dancing!' Ryoga thought in protest. 'And I can't do it with this afro!'
Nabiki tossed some hot water on Ryoga, and threw him his cloths. "What's wrong with you?
Don't you care that a million American dollars would be enough for me-eh us to start new successful lives in a land of freedom?"
"I don't want to move to America!" Ryoga protested.
"Who said anything about America?" Nabiki scoffed. "I was gonna buy my own country,
Nabiki-Land! From there I can launch strikes against key targets and force the world to obey my
every order!"
Ryoga frowned. Nabiki sighed. "And it'd be a land of freedom?" Ryoga asked after a long uncomfortable silence.
"For me, yes." Nabiki said. "For everyone else? Well . . . I just don't care."
"Oh . . . okay . . ." Ryoga shook his head.
"We win this money and you can consider your debt to me paid in full Ryoga-baby, and you'll have enough money to *buy* Akane from our father!"
"But I don't want to buy her, I want her to fall in love with me for who I am." Ryoga said.
Nabiki smiled warmly. "That's so sweet . . . NOW BACK TO WORK!" She snapped, her mood change shocking Ryoga as she threw a bucket of cold water on him. "Dance piggy! Dance darn you! Come now, practice makes perfect and you're gonna be perfect for that show or else!"

Some HOURS later . . .

"You're trying to kill me!" Ryoga cried.
"I am not!" Nabiki protested. "Now put your shirt on."
"No! Every time I finish dressing you splash me with cold water and make me dance s'more!"
Ryoga said. "No shirt, no water, no dancing."
"Aren't you cold?" Nabiki asked.
"Extremely." Ryoga nodded. "That doesn't mean I want to turn into a piglet again."
"I see . . . well Ryoga . . ." Nabiki sighed. "I'm afraid . . . we're going to keep going until you do something right. And no, keeping the shirt off won't keep me from splashing you." She splashed him again.
'Stop doing that!' Ryoga thought. 'Or do you want me to show you why Ranma doesn't pick me up if he can avoid it? These teeth are lethal weapons!' but all he could say was "BUKEE!"
"That had better not be a piggy curse!" Nabiki warned, waving a kettle of hot water. "Because I may just let you stay P-Chan all night if it were to mean . . . something . . . unkind."
'Curse you!' Ryoga thought. 'How did you know that that was what it meant?' His dry humor (or wet humor, or whatever) was lost on Nabiki for two reasons. First of all she couldn't read his mind, second of all she was already making a list of the people she'd allow to live on her island, she was oblivious to everything.
Ryoga sighed and went back to work trying to learn to disco as a piglet. It was hard because he couldn't stand on two legs for very long, and worst of all the gold medallion set him off and made him fall forward. When he wore it backwards things were better, but Nabiki would quickly warn him that that didn't look 'cool' at all. Then she'd hit him on the head with a newspaper.
"Oh, and we'll need some one like Ukyo as the royal chef . . . not Shampoo though I cant stand her! I should invite Kasumi during holidays . . . maybe even Akane if she isn't rearing Ranma-spawn by next Christmas. How much does the American dollar come out to in Japanese Yen? Not as much right? Now that's the sort of thing I usually know . . ."
'*I* certainly thought you'd know it.' Ryoga agreed as he got a move right. 'Hey! Check me out! I'm getting down 'wit 'ma bad old self! Oh yeah! Go Ryoga! Go Ryoga! It's yer birthday-' and he fell on his little face, smashing his piglet snout. "K-KEEE!"
"Hey! Stop playing around over there!" Nabiki ordered.
"SQUEEE!" 'Bite me!'
"Don't mess with me piggy!" Nabiki warned.
"KEEE!" the little pig shook it's 'fist' at her. 'I wanna go home! If only I knew where home was . . .'
"Okay, that's it!" She announced, whacking him on the head with a newspaper.
Ryoga growled at her and tired to bite the newspaper as she swiped at him again.
He got it and tore it to shreds, Nabiki poured hot water over him and he became normal again.
"Okay Ryoga." She said, dejectedly. "You can go wonder off now. Go look for Akane, go challenge Ranma, whatever it is you do." She said whimpering. "I'll . . . I'll just have to find some other way to make the lives of my family easier . . . I thought a half a million dollars would be it . . . but . . . I guess not . . ." she said, choking back tears.
Ryoga however knew she was full of crap and shrugged. "'S cool. See ya then." He said, waving as he walked off. Then he felt the kettle hit the back of his head and he fell face forward.
"HEY!" Nabiki shouted. "You sorry excuse for a man! You must be some real jerk to just be able to ignore a crying woman! If I were Ranma's mom, I'd gut you like a fish!"
"Ouch!" Ryoga groaned.
"First you rip up my newspaper, then you walk out on me? What kind of man are you? Thank god I'm not your wife!" Nabiki ranted.
"Amen to that last part." Ryoga grunted, bringing himself to his feet.
"Go ahead then. Beat it." Nabiki said evenly. "I don't need you to win that money, even though I'd have split it with you. I'll just find some other transforming idiot." Nabiki said.
"You go and do that! My head aches!" Ryoga said, rubbing the back of his head.
Nabiki shrugged. "To bad . . . I guess I'll just have to use Genma, he'd be all for a quick buck."
"Actually he probably *would* learn disco for a million dollars." Ryoga said.
"But you just go!" Nabiki continued. "And . . . don't worry, I wont tell Akane about you being P-Chan . . . since we've got a contract."
"Thank you!" Ryoga exclaimed.
"But you still owe me hard labor for those pants!"
"A debt I'll pay after I stretch my legs." Ryoga said.
"Don't feed me that junk!" Nabiki scoffed. "You go for a walk to the other end of the room and I won't see you for another week!"
"By then the show will be over and I won't have to dance!" Ryoga laughed wickedly. He ran for dear life, though Nabiki didn't bother to go after him. She'd just have to think of another way to get him to do what she wanted, because after dancing in pig form Ryoga was beginning to think that just letting Akane know who he was would be less painful than having to wear an afro.

Genma relaxed in the Tendo living room. Nabiki emerged from some unseen corner of the eye, and placed a large mug of beer in front of a recently sobered Genma.
"What's this for?" Genma asked.
"I need a pet!" Nabiki said sternly. "So I can win one million dollars!"
"It's below my station as a martial arts master." Genma said. "And besides, why would I want to pose as someone's pet when my wife isn't around?" He chuckled, but he wondered: 'How does she know about the million dollars?'
Nabiki turned and walked off in a huff, Genma grinned and took the beer she'd left him. He took a big gulp and coughed it out. "What the-light beer? How dare she!? I knew there was something fishy!"

Nabiki growled when Genma told her he would in fact not be able to assist her with that show.
She'd decided she'd just have to figure out how to talk Shampoo into being her incredibly stupid pet cat. 'Stupid Ryoga! Walking out on ME after all I've done for him!' Nabiki thought bitterly.
Hmm . . . then again, maybe this show wasn't such a good idea. A million American dollars?
What'd that come out to? Like a thousand-yen or something? Had to be if they were offering so much. And then a trip to Hawaii to play tourist? Why bother when she could be setting up the foundations of Nabiki-Land! Hey! That sounds more like a theme park! Maybe she could make a theme park instead! That way people would pay to enter!

Ryoga was desperately wandering the Tendo household trying to find some means of escape. He was like a caged bird, he had a strange urge to wander off and spend a month or longer trying to figure out how to get back. He was sure that if he ran off to some place far off and brought back a cool souvenir Akane would be his forever!
'Yeah right!'
Huh? Did he just think that? Ryoga sighed and slumped in front of someone's door. A quick check showed that it was Akane's. There was a lot of strange sounds coming from inside . . . hmm . . . sounded like . . . fighting! There was shouting and things were being thrown aside.
Ryoga leapt to his feet and turned to the door. He opened it quickly and shouted "Akane! Are you-" he paused when he saw that Akane was not there. Instead it was Azusa and five guys in black.
"Oh not again!" Ryoga sighed.
"Azusa is here for her Charlotte!" Azusa cried.
"Charlotte isn't going with you!" Ryoga scoffed.
"If you know where that pig is," one of the ninjas said "then tell us, if you do you can forgo a painful death!"
Ryoga scoffed. "You must be kidding. Look at you fools, searching beautiful Akane's room for a pig? Never, I promise you, will I EVER go with Azusa and be called Charlotte again!"
"Huh?" One of the ninjas asked.
Ryoga frowned. "Eh . . . that's what the pig would say." Ryoga said. 'Good save.' He thought.
"Azusa remembers you now!" Azusa squealed. "You're the boy who wore Charlotte's collar! You're my charlotte!"
"Like beans I am!" Ryoga cried.
"You like beans?" Azusa wondered.
"That's the pig?" One guy asked.
"I dunno, last time we really did come back with a little black pig." Another guy said.
"Hahaha! Hey Ryoga!" Ranma cried. "Check this out!"
Ryoga turned in Ranma's direction in time to see a water balloon hit him. He tried to shout at Ranma, but he could no longer form words.
'Of all the bad timing! Ranma you jerk!' Ryoga thought, screaming the other boy's name in his head.
"Ranma!" Akane cried, coming down the hallway. "I told you not to throw that in the house-hey! P-Chan you're all wet!"
"Charlotte!" Azusa cried, lunging on Ryoga.
"Did you see that? That guy just turned into a pig!" One of the ninjas cried.
"What black magic is this?" Another exclaimed.
"Let's get out of here!"
"Hey! What are you doing with P-Chan?" Akane cried.
"This is Azusa's whittle Charlotte!" Azusa cried. "You can't have my Charlotte!"
"Okay Azusa, you've got a major screw loose!" Ranma shouted.
"Give my P-Chan BACK!" Akane screamed.
Akane rushed for Azusa, but Azusa grabbed P-Chan firmly by the bandanna and leapt out the window along with her five ninjas. Then they ran off to the large limousine.
Ryoga was NOT going to go with Azusa! Not again! He focused all his piggy energy and bit down on her hand as hard as he could.
"AAAIIIIEEEE! Bad Charlotte!" Azusa cried, dropping Ryoga who wasted no time running for dear life.
Then a huge dog barreled into the limousine and sent Azusa flying! The ninjas leapt off over rooftops to escape.
"Oh! That doggy is so cute! Come here Mercedes! Mercedes!" Azusa cried.
The dog gave Azusa a weird look. Then looked at Ryoga as if to say 'does she always do that?'
Ryoga found himself nodding. The dog shook its head as if in pity. Then it ran after Ryoga, barking like a demon.
Ryoga ran around the Tendo yard squealing like a . . . well, like a pig really.
It was like a scene from a cartoon where the cat chases the mouse and the dog chases the cat around circles. Instead it was the dog chasing the pig and Azusa chasing the dog around in circles screaming "Mercedes! Charlotte!"
Ryoga had had enough! He stopped suddenly, the dog stopped, Azusa plowed into the dog and landed in a heap. Ryoga then ran like mad, he didn't care which direction he was running in (nor would it have mattered if he did since he'd never end up where he wanted to anyway)
Akane ran into the yard waving a lawn gnome threateningly, but Azusa was already dragging an unconscious German Shepherd into her car and Akane assumed that P-Chan was with her!
"P-Chan!" She screamed.
"Mercedes!" Azusa corrected her, hugging the unconscious dog lovingly. She closed the limousine door and off they drove!
Akane came inside in a huff. "That stupid Azusa stole P-Chan again!" She announced.
"Doesn't learn does she?" Nabiki sighed as she got off the phone with Shampoo.
"We have to go get P-Chan!" Akane said.
Nabiki glanced outside and saw a little black thing running around a potted plant. "I'll get him tomorrow, I eh . . . already have a plan. Yeah that's it."
"Oh THANK YOU Nabiki!" Akane cried.
"Eh . . . why don't you go get some sleep?" Nabiki offered.

P-Chan/Ryoga ran through the Tendo yard. To him it was a mysterious jungle! He had to
discover the way out! He had to find Akane!
However he didn't find Akane. Instead he wondered the entire yard for years! (Minutes) and he knew in his heart that he'd die alone and without Akane's love! (Probably true)
It wasn't until a half-hour later that Nabiki found him circling a potted plant.

"Wow! P-Chan you're terrible!" She cried.
P-Chan gave her a confused look. Yep, that was Ryoga alright.
"Yeah, well guess what? Genma won't help me out, neither will Shampoo, and I cant use Mousse.
So . . . yeah. Well you wanna be human or you cool with being a pork chop for the rest of the night?" Nabiki asked. P-Chan nodded vigorously when she said the word "Human" so she decided to tease him. "What's that?" Nabiki grinned. "You want to stay a piggy? Oh okay then Ryoga."
Nabiki smiled and took Ryoga back to the dojo where she poured a kettle of hot water on him.
He dressed quickly and glanced at her. "How many days was I out there wondering around?" He asked.
"Wow!" Nabiki gasped. Surprised at how stupid that question was. "Not only have you got no sense of direction, but you have no sense of time flow either! You were out there circling that plant for a full on half hour." She said.
"You mean you knew where I was?" Ryoga asked. "For a full half hour no less, and didn't get come me?"
"Revenge for walking out on me." Nabiki shrugged. "Akane was in tears when she came in and said how you were kidnapped and so I went out to look for you, found you but decided to come back for you later."
"Why did you come looking for me?" Ryoga asked. "Thought you could convince me to help you with the stupid game show?"
"Yes." Nabiki said simply.
"Well . . . you're wrong. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got places to be."
"Such as?" Nabiki asked.
"I'm not sure." Ryoga admitted. "But I ought to know when I get there."
Nabiki tried to look pitiful. "You really wont help me out?" She asked.
"Nope." Ryoga said cruelly. "It's humiliating, and I don't even like disco."
Nabiki nodded. "Okay then." She sighed. "But you know you're still my slave for another month right?" She asked, extending the period by a week or so, give or take a day.
"A month?" Ryoga asked.
"You heard me lost boy, a month." Nabiki said smiling wickedly. "Now, shall I drop you off at Akane's room or will you be okay on your own?"
"I don't really feel like bugging Akane tonight."
"She's pretty upset." Nabiki said. "I'm sure she'd love for you to go see her. In your pig form that is."
"Yeah . . . that's the problem." Ryoga sighed. "I'm nothing to her except as P-Chan."
"Yes well . . . it's late. I pity you, I truly do but . . . I don't care. G'night Ryoga." Nabiki said casually. She got up and walked away. Ryoga walked after her, probably didn't want to get lost in the dojo.

Akane tossed and turned in bed, her forehead covered in sweat. Oh the cruel things Azusa would do to poor P-Chan! They wracked her dreams . . . whatever wrack means.
"Oh P-Chan!" Akane cried. "Come home P-Chan!"
"No!" P-Chan said stubbornly. "I don't wanna come home!"
"I'll feed you!" Akane cried.
"No! You feed me that crap you cook, and I keel over!" P-Chan said firmly.
"Oh P-Chan! Don't you remember me? It's me! Akane! I found you under my bed that night not so long ago!"
"It was VERY long ago, and just because you find a little piglet under your bed doesn't mean you
own it! I mean, if some tart found YOU hiding under her bed and claimed ownership over you, they'd lock her up for kidnapping!"
"What are you saying P-Chan?" Akane cried.
"I'm saying I don't wanna be your pet! I hate being your pet!" P-Chan snapped.
"P-CHAN!" Akane screamed, waking from her fevered sleep. "R-Ranma!" Akane whimpered.

Ranma woke up, feeling Akane shaking him.
"Ranma!" She cried. "I had the most terrible dream! P-Chan was talking, and he said he didn't want to be my pet any more!"
Ranma glared at Akane for a second. Then he went back to sleep.
"RANMA!" Akane snapped.
"Aww jeez Akane!" Ranma sighed. "Look, P-Chan would never not want to be yer pet. Believe me, Ry-er P-Chan loves you a *lot* more than ya think."
"B-B-But Azusa!" Akane cried. "She won't stop stealing my P-Chan!"
"And every time she does, we'll get 'im back. But how about we wait for the morning?"
"Ranma!" Akane whimpered.
"This is gettin' old!" Ranma sighed. "C'mon Akane, it's late, I'm tired, if you don't notice–I don't care about yer dream, so . . . lets get-cha back up to yer room." Ranma added when Akane looked like she might fall back asleep where she was.
He led her up to her room, the whole time she mumbled about how she'd break Azusa's legs and take P-Chan back. All things considered Ranma might just beat her to the punch! He was dog-tired and having Akane wake him up wasn't cool at all! He'd probably break Mikado's legs just for fun. Damn that sex obsessed neurotic! Damn him for that kiss for which Ranma still felt he hadnt exacted enough revenge.
Suddenly Ranma was being kissed again. This time by Akane.
'Hmm . . . that ain't a good sign . . .' Ranma thought. 'Either she's more messed up than I thought or there's a whole other level of sleep walkin' I never heard about.'
But next he looked Akane was sound asleep. "Lets just hope she stays that way." Ranma said to himself.

Kasumi was cleaning dishes extra late that night. She noticed Akane wander into the small room that Ranma and Genma shared. She then noticed Ranma escort Akane back up. Were her sisters in heat or something? They were both spending so much time alone with boys! It was starting to worry Kasumi, but Ranma soon came back down without Akane and Kasumi calmed down. "Oh, well I guess it's nothing." She said happily to herself.

Akane slept again, this time her dream was quite different. Ranma moved his hand over her thigh, to her stomach and over her breasts. She closed her eyes tight as Ranma leaned close and kissed her, she felt a shudder go through her spine when he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.
"Oh Akane, I love you so much. You're a queen! A goddess even!"
"Yes I know." Akane agreed. "But please, continue."
"Okay. Anyway, you're beauty in its purest form! Ukyo, Shampoo, Kodachi, Kasumi and Nabiki, they're all just . . . just so plain compared to you!" He said, Akane's cheeks turned red under the endless barrage of flattery that she so totally deserved.
"I'd also have accepted ugly, but plain works." Akane said as Ranma began kissing her neck. "Oh Ranma!" She cried. "I'm so happy you finally realize that I'm the only woman you could ever love!"
"I've always known it!" Ranma announced. He kissed her, and held her tighter. "But you're so beautiful, I'm so unworthy . . ."
"Yes . . . you are." Akane nodded. She positioned herself under him, and immediately felt herself filled with Ranmas powerful eh . . . thing. "Oh Ranma!" She gasped.
But Ranma didn't listen to her, he held her tight and thrust in and out of her, she clenched her fists and closed her eyes tight. She was so wet inside, and it felt so good! The warmth, the friction, oh god she and Ranma were actually doing 'it' they were one person now, they were Rankane! No! Akanma!
She moaned softly as Ranma continued to thrust . . . in . . . out . . . in . . . oh god it felt so good! She felt like she was on fire, the friction, it was so warm! She felt herself explode, her legs felt weak, her heart skipped a beat.
Then Ranma smiled wickedly and kissed her some more. Akane wrapped her arms around his neck. "Oh Ranma!" She sighed. "You're incredible!" she added, initiating post-sex pillow talk, just like the movie stars had taught her.
"I haven't even gotten started." Ranma said simply.
Ranma got Akane on all fours, and then he was doing it again, thrusting in and out of her, she closed her eyes tight again and clenched her fists . . . oh if only this would never end . . .

Akane tossed and turned in her sleep again, she grunted and groaned and eventually she fell out of bed and hit her head on her nightstand. "Ouch!" She cried. "Hey!" She thought. "What was I dreaming about? Must have been something exciting for me to fall out of bed . . . I know it had something to do with Ranma . . ." She closed her eyes and had flashes of her dirty dream. She looked around to see if anyone was in the room. "I know! I remember now! I was kicking his butt at martial arts! Yeah!" Akane told herself.
And we'll leave it at that.

Ryoga wandered the halls of the Tendo home, wondering where he'd find Akane's room. He found one room with the door gone and realized it must be Nabiki's.
He walked by it, wondering if it'd help him gain his barring and figure out which way to Akane's room.
"Hey piggy. Come to fix that door at last?" Nabiki yawned.
'Fix it yourself.' Ryoga thought. 'I've just had a close encounter of the unfriendly kind with the garden hose, apparently you people forgot to turn it off.'
"Who turned ya back into a pig anyway?" Nabiki yawned. "Oh, never mind, you can't talk." She smiled. "So, you can't find Akane's room? Or are you still trying to escape me?" Nabiki added with a wry laugh. She sat up and walked to her door. She knelt in front Ryoga and picked him up. She carried him back to her bed, cradling him like some sort of infant.
'Hey! Don't do that!' Ryoga thought.
"Might as well just go to sleep, it's almost morning Ryoga-baby." Nabiki yawned. "You can use this pillow, just don't get any fleas on me.
'I don't have fleas!' Ryoga thought. 'But . . . hey this pillow is pretty comfy . . . okay maybe I'll sleep in here tonight, but don't tell Akane . . .' Ryoga thought as he slowly drifted off to sleep.

Meanwhile, 'Mercedes' was trying to bite Azusa's neck but the stupid girl had put a muzzle on him. But he vowed he'd find that pig! He'd find that pig, and he'd find out how that pig turned into a human! Then his days of dodging dogcatchers were over! Oh yes! All he had to do was find that pig! Then he's buy all the lady dogs he wanted, set up a kennel for his own pleasure, that'd be neat!

To Be Continued . . .

Next Chapter . . .
"Oh look!" Akane said happily. "They *are* together! Did you see them kiss?"
"Looked like an accident to me." Ranma said. "And now Ryoga is crying."
"Tears of joy at finding his one true love!" Akane said. "See how she comforts him in his tears?"
"Buck up ya loser! What kind of man are you?" Nabiki shouted at Ryoga.
"Their love was written in the scrolls of Valhalla, they shall be together forever just as Pharaoh and Ceaser, as Athena and Telemachos, as Penelope and Agamemnon, as Castor and Pollux, and as Loki and Skadi before them, as I and Dr. Tofu are meant to be!"
"Now you sound kind of like Kuno." Ranma observed. "I'm no whiz, but I'm pretty sure none of those couples got together, also pretty sure at least one of them was a same sex coupling and . . . hey wait a minute-I thought you were over Tofu!"
Akane blinked. "Hmm? Did I say something about Tofu? I meant to say . . . eh . . . Mikado."
"MIKADO!?" Ranma cried. "WHY MIKADO?"