Broken 4th Wall - Smokestack Fountain: I’d Call That a Bargain (LEMON) [Episode 177812]

by Kwakerjak

Ranma-chan smiled happily to herself as she took advantage of her recently gained control over her curse to shift into her female form. “Ah… I just love bein’ a girl when I don’t gotta be in character.” She jogged in place for a few seconds, reveling in the bounciness of her unrestrained tits.

“Um… Master?” Kasumi spoke up, somewhat awkwardly. “Should I… do you want me to call you that?”

Fortunately, Ranma figured out what her fuck-toy meant almost immediately. “Ya can go ahead an’ call me ‘Mistress,’ Kasumi.”

The erstwhile housekeeper breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Mistress — that makes things much less confusing.” She went back to watching the burning pile of her clothing — the only things that had been retrieved from said pile were Kasumi’s IFCU membership card, her house key, and ¥1540 in cash that had been in her pocket. Her owners had decided (and she wholeheartedly agreed) that her slave’s collar, the restraints currently holding her arms behind her back, and the ribbon keeping her ponytail in place were more than enough clothing for now. The author, meanwhile, changed his mind about his “fucked to exhaustion” idea from the previous episode, as it was just too complicated to carry out — Kasumi didn’t mind too much, though, as the “masturbation doesn’t work” idea was still in full force.

Ryoga, meanwhile, was eyeing his now-female lover (paying special attention to her deliciously jiggling bosom) with a rather hungry look in his eye. “So, Saotome, any particular reason for trading in your Y chromosome? Or is this just for shits and giggles?”

“As a matter of fact, I do have a reason — I wanna get Mousse for our harem next.”

“I see… any particular reason?”

“Well, for starters, he’s arguably the most bishonen guy in the whole series, at least when he ain’t wearin’ his glasses.”

“What about Konatsu?”

“Konatsu ain’t bishonen — he’s full-on feminine. Besides, Mousse has experience with the two of us in a buncha three-way shonen-ai, so gettin’ him on board won’t be too much of a stretch. Plus, rumor has it that he ain’t the kind that totally forgets his yaoi scenes, ifyaknowwhatImean.”

“What? Why?”

“Eh, I dunno. Maybe ta increase his popularity with the yaoi fangirls or somethin’. Anyway, it’s just a rumor.”

“Right. So, you’ve gone redhead because…”

“Because it emphasizes the ‘bisexual’ part of the phrase ‘bisexual harem.’”

“Gotcha. What about Shampoo?”

“I ain’t sure about her… I obviously ain’t gonna pass up a chance ta screw her brains out, but I ain’t sure that the author wants ta bring her inta this thread yet — she’dve probably been mentioned in the options if it were otherwise. Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s goin’ for variety, an’ Shampoo’s been paired with damn near everybody by now, so nobody raises an eyebrow. I mean, so far, you an’ me are the closest thing ta a ‘conventional’ pairin’ this thread’s got, and even that’s gettin’ approached from an unusual angle, ya know?”

“I think I see your point… you aren’t sure that Shampoo will even be at the Nekohanten.”


“But if she is…”

“Then we’ll just assume that the writer wants ta add her ta the mix, an work from there.”

“Sounds like a plan to me. Let’s do it.”

When the trio arrived at the Nekohanten, they were greeted by a rather sullen-looking male Amazon. “Hey, why so glum, Mousse?” asked the redheaded girl-for-the-time-being.

Mousse cocked an eyebrow and half-glared at Ranma. “Why? I don’t know — maybe the fact that I’ve read the last couple of episodes and know all about this freaky bisexual harem thing you’re trying to pull off. You’re not going to reel me in that easily, Saotome.”

Ranma looked disappointed. “Aw, c’mon. It’s not like it means anything when you’re out of character.”

Mousse sighed. “I already told you, I’m not interested. And I’m not going to be swayed by offers to get rid of my Jusenkyo curse or fix my eyesight, either.”

“Darn. Well, what if we threw in a dental plan?”

“What are the co-pays?”

Before the redhead could reply, her bandanna-clad partner tapped her on the shoulder. “Hey, I’m sorry to butt in like this, but Kasumi’s starting to get really antsy; can you handle this conversation while I help her, ah, ‘work off the energy’?”

Ranma glanced over to the booth where their nearly-nude fuck-toy sat squirming. “Yeah, you’d better. Don’t worry, if I need yer help I’ll let ya know.” Ryoga nodded and walked back over to Kasumi, obviously intent on filling one of her holes with his enhanced manhood.

“See?” Mousse said. “This ‘fuck-toy’ business is just the kind of thing I want to avoid — I don’t particularly feel like being that out of character right now.”

“Uh, I hate ta break it ta ya, but that’s pretty tame compared ta the other stuff this guy’s considered. I mean, in the first draft of this episode we were all so out of character it wasn’t funny.”

“‘It wasn’t funny’? I know you aren’t the most verbose guy/girl/whatever in the multiverse, but do you have to resort to using tired clichés so readily?”

“But it ain’t a cliché in this case — all four of us were so out of character that it was basically nuthin’ more than a mindless yankfest, with pretty much no opportunities for the humor he’s gonna need ta keep his audience.”

“So what you’re saying is that it really wasn’t funny? And that’s why he redid it?”

“Yep. He may be a perverted nutcase, but even he’s got standards.”

“Whatever. I’m still not doing it.”

“Why not?

Mousse froze as he tried to think of an excuse. Finally, he came up with one: “Because I’m not secure enough in my masculinity. You know, because I grew up in a matriarchal society, and all that.”

Ranma snorted. “Like that’s ever stopped ya from agreein’ ta do yaoi before? Now, c’mon, what’s the real reason?”

“Oh, alright, if you must know, it has to do with Shampoo.”

“What about her?”

“Well, I figured that with the Fourth Wall down, I might actually have a chance with her, because she doesn’t have to think of me as an annoying jerk.”

“So ya wanna have sex—”

“No, it’s not just that I want to have sex with her. That’s relatively simple, particularly when you aren’t available. No, what I want is an actual, you know… relationship. Emotional connection and all that.”

“Oh. I gotcha. Ya want the romantic crap.”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it that way, but yes.”

“So what’s the problem? She still not like ya even when she’s out of character?”

“Worse. She considers us to be ‘just friends.’”

Ranma had to grimace at that one — few things were worse than the ‘just friends’ speech.

Mousse continued, “So you see, that’s why I’m not interested in your harem, even though I know that this writer would make it physically enjoyable. Right now, I want love, and I doubt I’ll get that as a sex slave for you and Ryoga.”

“Well, can’t fault ya on that one,” Ranma replied, “but there is a problem — I know for a fact that the writer really, really wants ta see ya in a buncha kinky situations, an’ he’s gonna be real disappointed if that don’t happen.”

“I know. And I know you’ve been given authority to seduce me, which will likely as not be successful, because you’re Ranma. But I’d rather not deal with BDSM right now.”

Ranma paused as she tried to figure out how to respond. Mousse’s plight had given her mixed emotions over the whole issue — or, more accurately, it had given the writer mixed emotions, which he was then projecting onto the redhead. And as much as the writer wanted to put the Amazon in a slave collar and tight leather pants, this was a chance for some actual conflict (internal or otherwise), which meant there could be something in the thread that vaguely resembled a plot, and that meant interested readers who might actually be patient enough to tolerate the kinky bisexual shenanigans!

“Does he do that kind of thing often?” Mousse asked in reference to the author’s expositional digression.

“Yeah. Ya get used ta it.”

There was a sudden break in the conversation as Ryoga grunted from his chair on the other side of the Nekohanten, where he was, at the moment, titfucking Kasumi’s enhanced mammaries. Sensing that her Master was about to let forth his seed, the homemaker-turned-sex-object leaned forward to catch as much as she could in her mouth, only to be pushed back by the bandanna-clad teenager. “Not this time, Kasumi. I want this one to be a faceshot.”

“As you wish, Master.” She used the breasts in her hands (which had been freed so she could better manipulate said breasts) to stimulate her Master’s shaft with even more vigor. The result was predictable: several warm streams of sticky, white fluid squirted out of Ryoga’s cock, hitting her square in the face, coating her upper body in seminal goo.

Ryoga smiled. “Okay, now you can start eating my cum.”

“Thank you, Master,” replied a genuinely grateful Kasumi. Being perverted was so much fun! When the writer’s attempt to stall for time by switching to Ryoga and Kasumi ended, he still hadn’t thought of an interesting ay to hook Mousse up with Shampoo yet, but he really wanted to see Mousse in leather, so he decided to try some more bargaining. But seeing as the writer was still avoiding using the first person in his narration, Ranma decided to temporarily become his mouthpiece. “Look, I’m sure he can think of somethin’ ta get ya together with Shampoo. Probably the only reason she ain’t here right now is &rsqou;cuz he hasn’t decided what ta do with her yet.”

“But I don’t want her to be forced into a relationship with me…” replied the hopelessly romantic Amazon.

“I didn’t say ya would — we’d just make it so she’ll give ya a fair shot. If it works, it works, an’ if it don’t, then at least ya tried, and ya can go back ta bein’ our slave.”

“I thought you were calling your harem members ‘fuck-toys.’”

“Nah. For right now, you’d just be a slave — that’s way different.”


“If yer a slave, then me an’ Ryoga’re gonna acknowledge that ya actually have physical an’ emotional needs ta fill. Kasumi, on the other hand, wanted ta be a degraded sex object instead, an’ we didn’t really see no reason ta refuse her.”

“So… I get to keep my dignity?”

“Well, compared ta Kasumi, ya do.”

“And about my Jusenkyo curse and eyesight…”

“Fixed for the thread. We’d be fixin’ yer eyesight anyway — yer the most bishonen guy in the cast when ya ain’t wearin’ those Coke bottle glasses. Those eyes are way too damn cute ta waste like that.”

“You already said that at the beginning of the episode.”

“Yeah, but this is a real long one, so it don’t count.”

“Right… and you promise to give me a shot with Shampoo?”

“As soon as the author thinks of a decent way ta do it, he’ll start plannin’ the episode. Either that, or he’ll recruit someone else ta write it.”

This sounded good, but Mousse was still hesitant. “Well….”

Ranma decided to use the big guns, and brought out the dreaded “sad puppy” face. “Pwease?” she asked in a cloying-yet-endearing tone. “Pwetty pwease, wif sugar an’ a chewwy on top?”

“Fine! I’ll do it… just stop with the falsetto Elmer Fudd, please.”

“Thanks. Ya won’t regret this, Mousse — in fact, just because yer bein’ such a good sport, I’m gonna ignore the fact that ya just agreed ta be our sex slave and all I technically gotta do is ‘stop with the falsetto Elmer Fudd.’”

Mousse blanched. “What?!”

“Don’t worry, yer still gettin’ everythin’ I was talkin’ about earlier,” the redhead reassured her new slave. “Ground rules are simple: ya call Ryoga ‘Master,’ me, ‘Master’ or ‘Mistress,’ ya obey our orders no matter what, an’ we don’t do safewords. Got all that?”

The Amazon let out a somewhat resigned sigh. “Yes.”

This did not please the redhead, as she slapped the Amazon in the face as hard as she could, sending him flying through a table. “Wrong! Try again.”

Mousse saw stars as he tried to regain his composure: “Yes, Mistress.”

“Now that’s more like it.”

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(Posted Fri, 22 Dec 2006 04:47)

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