Broken 4th Wall - Smokestack Fountain: Clap Your Hands Say Yaoi (LEMON) [Episode 161922]

by Kwakerjak

One would think that Ranma and Ryoga wouldn’t have needed Dr. Maxwell’s Insta-Yaoi Herbal Supplement pills at all—this was hardly the first such scene that they’d been in, after all, and one would think that they could simply apply their skills acquired from past experience to their present situation. One would also be wrong, as the Internation Fictional Character’s Union had gone to great lengths to protect its members from any psychological trauma that could result from having one’s sexuality misrepresented in fan fiction. In a series of negotiations with the various fic writers’ governing boards, it was agreed that all characters had the right to completely repress any sex scene once their contractual obligation to a particular fic had finished. Of course, there was a slight disparity in the way that the so-called “Slash Accords” (which were definitely not named after the guitarist) were applied; while many female characters found that the overwhelming popularity of hot girl-on-girl action made maintaining a certain degree of “fanon bisexuality/lesbianism” useful in the long term, male characters generally tended to guard their heterosexuality (and homosexuality, where applicable) very closely, which in turn meant that most of them were always “inexperienced” when confronted with unconventional sexual situations.

Thus it was that Ryoga found himself sitting at the edge of the oh-so-convenient hot spring with his feet dangling therein, squirming like a sexual neophyte while his rival used his mouth to stimulate his manhood, adding to the erotic sensation by gently massaging his sac.

“Ugh…” Ryoga grunted between increasingly heavy breaths, “You call yourself a writer? You just… ugh… threw a bunch of exposition at the readers in the hopes that they’d forget… oh… that you didn’t bother writing a foreplay scene. And what’s with the dangling… oh yeah… modifier at the end of that last sentence?”

Ranma, no doubt, would have joined his friend in his criticism of the author’s skills, except that his mouth was rather occupied at the moment. Enough with the ironic understatement, already, the pigtailed martial artist thought with no small amount of irritation. It was bad enough that he was currently sucking on Ryoga’s stiff cock—the lemon upgrades to both of their members were in full effect, making this task even more daunting that it would be under normal circumstances (then again, under normal circumstances, neither Ranma nor Ryoga would seriously consider male-to-male sexual contact anyway). But what made it worse were those damned yaoi pills, which were by now in full effect. Ranma could handle giving another man a blowjob—he’d done it often enough as a girl that it wasn’t that much of an insult to his masculinity—but what he wasn’t prepared for was his own reaction. Thanks to those pills, the sensation of sliding another man’s penis in and out of his mouth had actually given him his own raging hard-on, which was by now beginning to ache with need.

Oh, please. “Achin’ with need”? Can ya get any less corny?

Hey, your cock is starting to hurt a little, isn’t it?

Um, I guess.

And what’s your first instinct as to how to fix this little problem of yours?

Ranma rolled his eyes as he slowed the movement of his mouth over Ryoga’s shaft so he could better use his tongue to give the head a little extra stimulation. Eventually, he admitted, Alright, I wanna stick it inta one of Ryoga’s holes. Thus, with this admission, “aching with need” was shown to be an accurate description of Ranma’s current state of excitement.

Ya don’t hafta rub it in. The narrator chose to ignore the obvious implications of that statement—as well as Ranma’s groan when he realized how that statement could be interpreted, which could itself have been interpreted as a signal of frustration and/or pleasure.

“Would you two mind letting me in on the conversation?” Interrupted Ryoga, who couldn’t hear Ranma’s thoughts.

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), verbal communication is rather difficult when there’s an oversized dick in your mouth, so Ranma removed Ryoga’s member before speaking—though thanks to the influence of the yaoi pills, he kept licking the shaft and rubbing the pre-cum coated glans over his face during his entire response. “It ain’t nothin’ much—the narrator’s pretty much just establishin’ that the yaoi pills’re takin’ effect.” Ranma paused to briefly suck on the head before continuing. “Ta sum it up, I’m hard right now, an’ the only stimulation my dick’s gettin’ is the warm water in this spring.”

“O-oh!” Ryoga said as Ranma went back to the standard in-and-out variety of oral sex. “That’s good, I guess. This means we won’t have to worry about staying up—oh, god….”

“Mm-hmh,” came Ranma’s muffled reply.

Ryoga wanted to continued the pseudo-conversation, but his partner had started doing some very, very interesting things with his tongue that was causing the lost boy’s capacity for rational thought to deteriorate quite rapidly.

“R-Ranma,” Ryoga cried as his hips started bucking uncontrollably, “I’m— I’m almost there!” The pigtailed martial artist responded by moving his hands behind Ryoga’s hips and using the extra leverage to start deep-throating the lost boy in earnest—an action made even easier when Ryoga moved his hands to the back of Ranma’s head to keep it in place. This state of affairs didn’t last long, however, because as soon as Ranma’s gag reflex came into play, Ryoga lost control almost immediately, announcing his climax with the time-honored sex-story cliché: “I’m cumming!!”

As the warm seed spilled into Ranma’s throat, the pigtailed martial artist was again surprised to find himself reacting physically, as he let lose a powerful orgasm of his own, spilling his semen into the warm waters of the hot spring. Once he’d swallowed Ryoga’s cum (as he considered this to be less icky compared to the “faceshot” option), Ranma finally stood up with an inscrutable expression on his face. “Well, I got some good news, I guess.”

“And what would that be?” Ryoga asked through his post-orgasmic haze.

“Thanks ta those pills, I actually came when you did. That means simultaneous orgasm, which usually means the end of the lemon scene.”

“Huh? Oh! Right. That’s good—I thought I’d have to return the favor.”

“Yeah….” Ranma said. True, he was still a bit disappointed that he couldn’t take the “active” role for the lemon scene (most likely due to the lingering effects of Dr. Maxwell’s Insta-Yaoi Herbal Supplement Pills™), but then, he’d offered to let Ryoga go first just in case something like this happened, since the lost boy almost always ended up taking the “passive” role. Still, after all that buildup, it did seem kind of odd that the author would stop after only one sex act—especially since the author had decided to give this branch its own title…

“Um, Ranma?”


“If we’re done with the sex scene, we can go back to being heterosexuals again, right?”


“And neither of us would actually choose to be gay, right?”

“Right… what’s yer point?”

“So, if we don’t want to be gay anymore, and we don’t have to be gay anymore, why am I starting to get aroused again by staring at your still-kinda-hard cock?”

Ranma sighed. “I knew it was too good ta be true.”

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(Posted Sun, 17 Sep 2006 01:39)

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